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On the plane ride home, Morgan sat down in the empty seat across from him, a determined look on his face. Spencer briefly contemplated ignoring him and continuing reading, but a glance around the cabin told him that this was probably his best chance to have it out with Morgan alone. The others were clustered together at the other end of the cabin, talking softly, far enough away to leave the two of them at least an approximation of privacy. Once they landed, they’d all disperse for the weekend and the next opportunity for Morgan to confront him would be in the bullpen, where they would be pretty much guaranteed to be overheard. So Spencer lowered his book and closed it. Morgan took that as the invitation it was.
“I’d like to talk to you about what you said earlier.”
Spencer didn’t know what to say to that except that he’d rather not, but he figured Morgan knew that already, so pointing it out would be redundant. He just nodded instead. But Morgan didn’t continue right away. He clasped his hands on the table in front of him, staring down at them silently.
“It’s never easy,” he eventually said, softly, “but when it’s a victim or a witness, there are guidelines to follow. Pre-planned scripts and strategies.” He looked up, met Spencer’s gaze head-on. “But this is you. And suddenly I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here.”
They sat in silence for several long seconds, which gave Spencer plenty of time to fully absorb the detrimental impact of his thoughtless words earlier. He decided that he would have to take the lead despite his discomfort with the conversation; anything to make this easier on Morgan, who should never look that lost, especially not because of something Spencer had said or done.
“My Mom had a nickname for me when I was younger.”
“Yeah?”
He was grateful that Morgan knew him well enough to know that the apparent non-sequitur probably wasn’t one and waited for him to continue.
“Yeah. Crash. Because I was such a clumsy kid, always bumping into things.”
Morgan’s dark eyes were full of understanding.
“But you weren’t clumsy, were you?”
“No.”
Spencer waited; saw the thoughts playing out on Morgan’s face. He’d grasp the next implication soon.
“It doesn’t make sense though. Calling you Crash would’ve called attention- Oh.”
Spencer found himself unable to meet Morgan’s eyes and turned his head away to watch the black skies outside the window.
“You protected her. She didn’t remember what she’d done, and you didn’t tell her.”
“She honestly thinks I was just a clumsy kid,” Spencer confirmed. He looked back at Morgan. “I never told anyone. Well, except for you guys, yesterday.” And then, because he really should’ve manned up first thing, he continued: “I’m really sorry about that by the way. I thought you guys already knew, obviously, otherwise I never would’ve said anything.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve nothing to be sorry about.”
“Except throwing this mess at you all when you never asked for it, risking potentially distracting you from the case in the process, and definitely making things awkward for the foreseeable future? Don’t placate me, I know I messed up.”
“Opening up about your childhood abuse is not ‘messing up’, and-”
“Wait, before you finish that thought, I just want to make it clear that it never was very bad. Technically abuse, yes, but not like-” Spencer’s eyes darted to Hotch before he could stop himself, but when he looked back at Morgan he didn’t seem to have noticed. “Not as bad as what we’ve seen in some of our cases,” he finished.
“Well, I suppose I should be happy that you’re not outright denying that it was abuse, even if you’re trying very hard to minimize it,” Morgan said, but his tone was light and teasing, so Spencer rolled his eyes.
“Classic battered child syndrome,” he said drily. “I guess I have an image to uphold now.”
Morgan laughed at that, which had been the point, and Spencer felt himself relax at the sound. They would be okay. He’d apologize to Hotch when they got back in on Monday, and it would be awkward and horrible, but then, eventually, they’d all be okay.