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"What is she running from?"
The question echoes in her mind not only once, nor twice, but maybe half a million times. She doesn't quite know the answer herself, or simply won't acknowledge it.
She tries and tries and tries to find reason in justifications that don't make sense to her, don't fit in the puzzle she has been trying so hard to solve since she last saw… no .
She's not certain, or would rather not be.
It must be the responsibility, it's overwhelming, having the survival of a religion on her shoulders, the burden is heavy and she wasn't asked for permission to receive it, wasn't allowed an actual choice. Not to have someone else in her thoughts, not to be gifted, as they would call it, abilities beyond her comprehension, not to have her frail body filled with immeasurable power.
Or perhaps it's the fact there's something, someone , else in her mind, a presence clouding her thoughts, a hand on the back of her neck guiding, influencing, — commanding, — a quiet static almost as a suggestion from deep in her core, pushing her away from her moral judgment.
The anger fades as quickly as it surfaces and sometimes she loses her hand, sometimes she can't totally understand, or control it, and sometimes she wishes she'd take it back, it shouldn't have been her in that spot at that time in that day. But it was fate, she knew it, written in the stars since the moment she was born, she never had a say in anything.
But truthfully, she knows, she just misses her .
Diana misses Leona as the Moon misses the Sun every time it lights up the sky.
The Aspect of the Moon knows exactly what she is running from, it's not about the Lunari or the Solari, it's a matter of her own selfishness.
Sometimes, when Diana closes her eyes, she can picture exactly what Leona looked like before that fateful day, how she could only be described as the personification of the Goddess they worshiped together, the girl — now a woman — was kissed by the Sun and all its glory, her soft auburn hair, rose-colored cheeks, perfectly sprinkled freckles, deep green eyes and that breathtaking smile Diana tried to capture so many times in her diary, but never really made justice to it. Truth be told, there weren't enough compliments in the whole Runeterra to describe Leona.
Before, loving Leona wasn't a wild feeling, it wasn't the first burning passion they both shared, it was a sweet and calm breeze, like the waves during sunset after a long day, just as the moon lazily sets Herself so the Sun can rise into a new day. She had realized that was what true love was really about, peace and quiet.
Now, however, if the feeling was still mutual, she feared it had regressed into that first childlike passion. Every time she saw Leona, even from afar — which was the closest she would get to her these days — she would feel all the symptoms of the so described love in all the romance books she had read, her heart would begin hammering in her chest, her mouth would get dry, and the infamous butterflies would fly around in her stomach impertinently. In resume, it might as well be described as crippling anxiety.
She was afraid Leona's own Goddess would have stepped just a bit too far to her own good, that the consequences of her kind and foolish need to serve without question type of behavior would have finally caught up to her. That Leona wouldn't be Leona, anything but a hollow receptacle of powerful sunlight. That she wouldn't be hers anymore.
Diana never properly resented the Sun Goddess, it wasn't precisely her fault what her devotees did in Her name. So perhaps there was a chance she didn't strive to control Leona, only guide her. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to believe her own thoughts, she didn't want to believe either that the Gods only cared about Themselves rather than their people, and the prickle in the back of her neck didn't help with that tainted view either.
She hadn't seen Leona in what felt like ages, until now.
Diana watched from afar as her… formerly lover conducted a Solari ritual. It was a great honor to perform that in particular, she wondered if the auburn-haired girl had become High Priestess, or if being the Radiant Dawn was good enough for them. She couldn't care less about titles, but it was a position her parents nudged her overwhelmingly to crave for, perhaps so did her Goddess.
The Moon's Aspect was propped against the back of a mountain with an open path to the clearing below where the ritual was taking place, her murky outfit helped blend in with the shadows where the Moon didn't shine bright enough to lighten, even then, it was a foolish move from her. Anyone with clear enough sight and decent aim could see her and end the war once and for all — until the next one came, the Ra'Horak did like to battle more than the War God Himself.
It was risky, but she had to see her. Collect information about the state of the Solari's Aspect, watch until she was sure Leona wouldn't do anything stupid and incite more hatred against the Lunari, try to hear about their next step to prepare her people… it was all bullshit, for some childlike reason, Diana only wanted to know if Leona would dance with someone else in their anniversary. That was the main, if not the only, reason she was attending the Nadir uninvited.
It was unusual for her to spy on her… former lover like a menace of sorts. Aside from battle, she hardly had seen Leona for the past months, and even then, she had avoided direct conflict with the Sun Aspect. Diana wasn't certain she could bear to raise her blade against the freckled neck, feel the frantic pulse press against it and watch the steel almost prickle with blood, not again. The Moon Aspect felt enough guilt for ever daring to put her hands on Leona in any way other than lovingly , even though she knew it hadn't been entirely her fault, considering she just had been filled with confusing memories that didn't belong to her and the heavy sentiment of pure rage. She didn't stand a chance against it, but she could have fought harder to not hurt Leona, she should have. However, that is something she cannot change and the kind of guilt she will carry to her grave. The imminent thought that she might have to hurt Leona again makes her sick.
Either way, there she was, now hunched over a settlement of large stones just on the edge of the precipice attempting to get a better view of the celebration spot as she followed auburn hair crestfallen over shiny pristine ceremonial clothes that glittered under the Moonlight. Diana always found it quite amusing to celebrate the eveningless nights under the Moon itself. Well, but again, the Solari had a lot of scrappy costumes, such as hunting their people for lack of critical thought, so she would indulge this one as well without much trouble. It's not like she actually had someone to complain about it anyway.
Leona blended between the scattered group of people just as Diana expected, she always had completed tasks with ease when it came to mingling. She thrived in social interactions while the silver haired woman preferred books over the tribe folks — perhaps that was due to them always calling her a heretic behind her back, plotting to disarm her as quick as humanly possible during training, or punishing her for asking too many "inappropriate" religious questions, but who could be sure.
She always had Leona to indulge in that part while she'd just nod along and try to smile as politely as possible, all things considered. It became an easy task when she'd remember the times Leona and her spent together, in which the other girl would tell her how beautiful her smile was and the way it always lighted up her entire features with an almost godly hue. She might not have been as much of an avid reader as Diana, but she couldn't say the Radiant Dawn didn't have her way around words.
Diana couldn't tell from afar if someone had actually asked for a dance or perhaps some private time with the Aspect even when Leona would shake her head in disagreement about something. She didn't know why, — she did — but she felt relieved as the festival went by without a change in her behavior. That was, until her demeanor began to switch subtlety.
Although the woman was doing her best at masking her restlessness, she could feel the change, it was as if, somehow, the Goddess had whispered in her ear, making her aware she was being watched. Diana immediately cursed herself, what even was she still doing there? It was dangerous and reckless from the beginning, and even worse once Leona started to squirm under her unnoticed gaze.
Unnoticed.
Oh… right.
Not anymore.
At first, she patted her hips in search of her Zenith blade, after seeming to realize it didn't tag along with her outfit for the night, Leona just stood there, as if trying to analyze Diana's next move in a battlefield. She wasn't sure if she should feel offended or amazed. Offended because there were plenty of young acolytes, children, dancing around the bonfire and Leona was aware the Moon Aspect knew the meaning of the celebration, it wasn't related to any war aspects, the Nadir was simply a religious ritual, and unlike other folks, Diana could respect religious freedom. And amazed that Leona would consider herself fit to take out a great amount of the Ra'Horak tribe by herself.
She chose not to dwell on her feelings for long, too entranced by the other woman’s features after realizing the reason why Diana was putting herself in so much risk. Their anniversary.
Leona didn’t give her any time to react at the newfound discovery of what was going on in her head as she blended in a crowd and vanished from her sight in thin air.
The pale haired woman rubbed her face tiredly and leaned back against the tall rocky wall behind her. Of course that would be her reaction, Diana wasn’t sure what she had hoped for, but it was certainly better than having a whole army on her back. She was somehow glad the Radiant Dawn hadn’t called for help to finish her off.
She placed the items she had taken from camp back in her leather pouch, it wasn’t much, only a ration of food and water for the evening, along with some spare clothes. The Moon Aspect thought it would’ve been a waste of space to bring anything lethal, since she could conjure her magical armor and scimitar whenever she felt like it, just like Leona.
She was about to finish packing her uneaten food when she heard footsteps approaching and, in a swift trained movement, she conjured her blade propping herself with ease in the shadows. It was true that she could take any half-decent Solari warrior without trouble, but she didn’t want to draw attention. Besides, seeing her enemy made her falter. She lost her step against plain stone, as it rolled over the grassy settlement, her hideout position was exposed. She was an easy target even for someone unarmed.
— I assumed you were trained better than this, — the voice echoed in her head, sweeter than she remembered — Even though the Solari didn’t teach you to hide in the shadows as a coward. — Sweeter than ever.
Leona looked beautiful, but not only that, she was completely breathtaking. Diana knew she had this glow that accompanied her in the darkest of settings, she would walk in and the whole ambient would light up in a chaste sunset-like glow. Her auburn hair shone under the moonlight almost mocking the natural silver glow, falling down her shoulders in soft cascades, her ceremonial dress didn’t enrich her curves in a girly manner, it made her feel more imposing if anything, placing her strong arms on the spotlight. Her nose was scrunched up, as if she wasn’t sure there was supposed to have a bite behind her words or simply known banter, her eyebrows were knit together and lips parted in confusion, her eyes glittered with something more than rivalry, the natural glow wasn’t exclusive to her body, as it also pivoted her skin and blended smoothly with freckles.
It felt refreshing, seeing her from so close in anything other than the golden heavy armor, without the shield she carried so proudly hiding her face.
Diana raised her chin defiantly. — No, they mostly taught me how to slaughter the innocent — maybe that wasn’t the best to start with.
— As did your Goddess — Leona countered and suddenly the Moon Aspect didn’t have many arguments to fight that, recording what happened after their Mount Targon strife, and what she had done to the high priests.
At least Leona seemed to regret the words as soon as they left her mouth, something in her knew Diana wasn’t to blame for that event. No, her Diana was sweet and kind, even to those who didn’t deserve anything from her. Her Diana loved to watch the sunset and take care of the most insignificant creatures she could think of, trying to justify it as caring for all creatures their Goddess allowed to grow in Her light. She loved to read, she would get as much knowledge as she could about something, she loved debate class and how she would break down someone’s well constructed argument however she would seem fit. She was used to sticking her nose in affairs that didn’t concern her and she also loved to not follow rules everyone else did, to question even when it costed her. To not follow Leona’s advices, even it being spoken to her best interest. Her Diana still loved her as much as she did.
She prayed the Diana standing in front of her was still the same.
— You came — the Radiant Dawn tried starting over, a peace offer to amend her previous words.
— You called — Diana stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world. The Moon Aspect wasn’t sure why the words just spilled from between her lips, her actual motivation hadn’t been clear until the moment Leona and all of her glory had appeared in her plain of sight.
— I felt you. Whenever the night falls, I feel you with me in some way — she glanced at the Moon melancholically — Always close, but never together. Tell me, were we meant to be as we are since birth?
— I suppose, how can anyone know?
Her question lingered in the breezy air. Truth was, the Gods knew their fate, they were the only ones who could have ever known it, predicted it, redirected it for them to be exactly as they were now. Both women knew that and grieved with the implications of a tainted fate.
— You look beautiful — Diana offered accompanied by a sly smile.
— So do you — Leona answered quickly like the words were barely hanging on the tip of her tongue, waiting for a moment to jump out. Her demeanor betrayed her and she knew Diana could see right through it, always could.
She offered Diana a new glance, overcompensating for her lack of eloquence, her body wasn’t covered in armor either as she grew used to contemplating, she wore a dark outfit that hugged her body comfortably, the clothes were simple and nothing special stood out, except some silver cravings against the fabric, they didn’t follow any specific pattern or looked to have any religious connotation though. Her long white hair was loose this time, her tiara nowhere to be seen. Diana was the one who had physically changed the most as the Moon took the liking to altering her eyes and hair color, along with branding her right over the pale forehead, the Lunari symbol glowed imposingly, remembering her of her place. The soft hue enhanced her now purple orbits and lit up the rest of her features which allowed Leona to admire her further.
Although she missed the dark strands of hair and brown eyes, she couldn’t say Diana looked bad. She hadn’t grown used to the forehead symbol yet, it was difficult not to stare at it for a moment too long. Leona had her own Solari tattoos covering her shoulder blades and back, but that was something else. It felt like a violation of sorts, having it so explicit over her eyes, she had gotten her markings willingly, unlike Diana.
— You must stop this nonsense — Leona broke the moment against her better judgment, receiving an eye roll followed by a scoff in response from Diana.
— Can we not speak of this? Not tonight.
Leona sighed, fidgeting her hands positioned behind her back in an attempt to straighten and maintain her pristine posture, a gesture she grew familiar with. Her head bowed in silent agreement, and just like that a deal was sealed, no more war for the night, only them.
— You seemed to be alone — Diana continued aiming to sound nonchalantly. She wondered if they were bound to different kinds of start overs, such as a simple sentence or as a challenging ordeal. Lately they had been struggling with the latter.
— I wouldn't replace you with anyone else. Your place was always meant to be by my side. — Diana felt the words stung deeply into her chest, tearing into it, because she knew for a fact that Leona meant each word, she didn't leave room for doubt as the meaning was spoken with certainty only Diana could relate to. She would say the exact same thing if Leona hadn't already stated it, words etched into her mind. It healed at the same time it hurt.
— Was .
— You know what I meant.
— I do not.
— You must.
— Leona.
— Diana .
Leona exhaled heavily feeling restless, but refused to break eye contact, she ignored the will to look any other way while Diana's intense gaze burned against her skin, as tempting as it felt at the time. She couldn't break their silent contract a few seconds after just settling it, that would only push Diana to be more wary than she already was.
— Your place is still by my side, it shall be as long as I live and breathe. — She decided to give in, make herself vulnerable again.
— Who's to say my best interest lies besides you?
Gods, they just couldn't stop contradicting each other, could they?
— Your heart. Would you have shown up if you actually felt otherwise? — She didn't give room for an answer. — I expect sincerity from you, as we have yet to deceive each other.
— No, I wouldn't have. It's not as plain as that, though. — She almost looked melancholic, gaze cast low but not away — It's too late to change anything now, our relationship is tainted, whatever it might still be.
— You are right, but it's not too late. You still have time to change your mind and see reason-
A slip up.
— See reason? — Diana almost snarled, interrupting her — The only ones who need to see reason are you and your- people. — She held herself not to call them something worse, persecutors, fanatics, executioners, murderers . The list didn't grow any shorter by the day.
— You must come to your senses, you could assist me in putting an end to this, instead of fighting off every chance I give you. — The most infuriating aspect was that she actually had faith in what she was saying.
— Do you even hear yourself, Leona? Haven't you seen in the essence of your Aspect what truly happened?
— Deceiving memories that weren't mine.
— Bullshit . That's what has been told to you, you know fairly well that peace should be the only outcome from this, but still, your mind remains too clouded by the High Priests' spiteful words to seek the truth. — Her voice didn't waver for a single moment, leaving no room for Leona to contradict it or try to change her already made up mind.
— We made a vow not to speak of it this evening. — Leona bit her lip to suppress anything else that might have perked up in her mind. — My deepest apologies, I do not wish to argue on our anniversary. — She offered another truce, as if indicating that she remembered it as well. But honestly, could she ever forget?
An honest pause. — I have missed you dearly — Leona completed.
— As did I — was spoken with a soft sigh, reminiscing the time their relationship was easier.
As she indulged in the memory, she barely noticed Leona approaching when she took tentative steps towards her frame. She leaned over, a small grin plastered on her lips, her expression softer and more relaxed than it had been minutes ago. Leona held out a hand for her, charming as ever.
— Let me take you to our place.
And Diana did. She let Leona guide her atop of the crevice they had shared their first kiss years prior. How could she deny her something such as that? She felt that was a gesture with great meaning to her former lover, she was silently telling Diana that she remembered it, remembered them.
The auburn haired girl made sure to follow a path where they were obscured by the shadows, relaying by small mountains and taller trees, so the moonlight wouldn't betray their presence.
The view from up the hill was just as breathtaking as the first time they sat together to watch the starry night sky. The moon looked beautiful, shining bright in all its glory while the stars made Her company, not taking away the spotlight, but complimenting it like faithful servants. She wondered for a second if that was her place, close to the Goddess, but in a second plane. Never the main focus of her own story. Nothing but a faithful servant trusted to do as she pleased. Chosen of the Moon.