Chapter Text
It’s 5pm on Friday and Shelby is sitting in her car after school with her best friend Fatin, an order of McDonald’s fries in the cup holder between them. Spring is just starting to bloom around them; the sky blue and clear and the blossoms on the trees around Fort Travis just starting to open as Taylor Swift plays softly from the radio. They’re 18. Popular and pretty, with good grades and no real worries. They’re also horribly, shockingly bored.
“This fucking sucks,” Fatin complains, putting her feet on Shelby’s dash and earning herself a sharp look. “How do we have no plans? What’s happening to us?”
Shelby shrugs and nibbles a fry. “Oh, I don’t know. People are savin’ themselves for Spring Fling I think. We could go bowling? I think Becca is around. Maybe Martha and Dot?”
Fatin thinks about it for about a millisecond before pulling a face and stretching a manicured hand out in front of herself. “I just got new coffin tips,” she says, admiring herself. “Besides, bowling is unhygienic. Who knows what grubby little fingers have been in those holes.”
Shelby suppresses a smirk and takes a sip of her diet coke. “Don’t finish whatever disgusting next thought you have bouncing around your head,” she says fondly. “We could go to my house and watch a movie?”
“You got booze?”
Shelby shakes her head. “Your house?”
“My house sucks right now,” Fatin says, exasperated and just a little hurt. “Dad is back and he’s playing the perfect husband and father to Mom and my brothers and ignoring me entirely. Honestly, I wish he’d just fuck off for good. Your Mom had the right idea.”
Shelby looks out of the driver's side window, feeling the familiar swirl of guilt-ridden anxiety mixed with overwhelming relief that she always gets when she thinks of the circumstances surrounding her parents divorce 2 years ago. She’d been caught by her Daddy on the tail end of an impromptu, hasty kiss with Becca and the resulting fallout had led to her Mama packing up entirely and leaving him for good, taking the kids and the house with her. Shelby knew it was for the best, and she was so thankful that she could live her life out and free with the love of her Mama and friends, but she still hated that she’d lost the man she’d considered her number one for almost all of her life.
“Hey,” Fatin says softly, shaking her out of the thought. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t like to think about it.”
Shelby turns and gives Fatin a smile. “I know,” she says. “Don’t worry about it, I know you didn’t mean anythin’ bad.”
The pair lapse into easy silence for a moment, chewing on fries and watching the way the breeze makes the leaves outside rustle.
“Wanna see if we can score some vodka?” Fatin asks, wiggling her eyebrows. “I have my fake. We can get totally blasted, listen to Tolerate It, and take out all our daddy issues on Samad Jadmani’s brand new Tesla.”
Shelby bursts into laughter. “Not a chance,” Shelby says, shaking her head. “He would definitely press charges, and then all we’d have would be a terrible hangover, no college prospects, and a mugshot each.”
“Very hot mugshots,” Fatin says with a grin. “Mugshawtys.”
“No crimes,” Shelby insists with finality. “We could go to the park? Check out some of the cute skaters?”
Fatin gives her a knowing look. “Huh,” she says slowly, as though she’s really thinking about it. “Check out some of the cute skaters… A very, very interesting proposition. Anybody in particular may I ask?”
Shelby blushes and finishes her coke, rattling the ice like it might create some kind of distraction. “Leah hangs out there sometimes,” she deflects. Fatin scoffs.
“Leah doesn’t skate.”
“No, but she sits on top of that big swoopy thing and reads,” Shelby says leadingly.
“You mean a half-pipe?” Fatin confirms incredulously.
“Whatever,” Shelby shrugs. “The ramp thing. Sure. We could lay out? It’ll be nice for a couple hours yet, we could get a good base ready for summer.”
“Toni gonna be there?” Fatin asks, causing Shelby’s blush to deepen.
“I don’t know,” she lies. “She might be playin’ basketball. I don’t know her schedule.”
Fatin gives a hearty laugh and throws Shelby a fond look. “Ugh, fine,” she concedes. “We can go watch hotties skating at the park, but I’m texting Dot and asking her to bring her vape pen. There’s no way I’m spending hours watching Toni Shalifoe vie for your attention sober.”
Shelby puts on her seatbelt and tries to act casual. “Toni doesn’t vie for my attention,” she insists, hoping she sounds breezier than she feels.
Fatin gives another scoff. “Uh, yeah she does,” she says, as though Shelby is a moron. “Honestly, she gets within 4 feet of you and she turns into a little kid trying to show her favorite teacher that she’s just learned how to do a cartwheel. I don’t know why you don’t just go out with her.”
Shelby frowns slightly as she pulls away from the parking lot they’d been sitting in and heads toward the park. “Toni isn’t a suitable match,” she says, unsure which of them she’s trying to convince. “She’s fun to flirt with but she’s hardly a sensible option.”
“What is this, fucking Bridgerton?” Fatin laughs. “Toni’s hot, you’re hot, you both think the other is hot. All you’ve done for the past year now is eye fuck and bicker with each other. The other day Toni tickled you in the hallway. It was disgusting!”
“Well, precisely,” Shelby says primly. “She’s too boisterous.”
“I meant your giggling,” Fatin deadpans. “You do that thing whenever she’s around where you start twirling your hair and making your voice higher. You’re a cliche.”
“I am not a cliche!”
“Just go out with her!”
“I have school!” Shelby insists, but it’s weak and she knows it.
“We all have school,” Fatin counters dryly. “It’s called being in school.”
Shelby thinks about it. Fatin isn’t wrong, not by a long shot. She and Toni have spent the best part of a year now in this push-and-pull flirtation; they would seek each other out in between classes to brush against each other in the hallway, arguing in English about whether Heathcliff is a romantic or an asshole, and constantly try and catch each other’s eyes through the crowd in the cafeteria. Shelby would turn up to Toni’s basketball games to sit on the bleachers with a look of practised disinterest, and Toni would come into the diner Shelby worked at 3 days a week to sip on a milkshake and sit around long enough that she’d eventually be told to either buy something else or leave. Their mutual attraction was obvious to anybody who knew them, and Toni especially had been getting bolder and bolder about showing her clear interest. It made Shelby feel all warm and frantic inside, truth be told. It was hardly a chore to feel so wanted and desired, and the increasing single-mindedness with the way Toni had started to pursue her often left her feeling breathless like some lead in a cheesy teen rom-com.
It felt a little like a game. Toni would chase and Shelby would pretend not to be interested, and to everybody on the outside – she suspected – it was all leading to a single eventuality. Deep down, though, Shelby is genuinely a little unsure of what the deal with Toni actually is. There’s no doubt that Toni is hot, and kind of funny, and she’d be lying if she said the athleticism didn’t do something for her, but despite their surface-level attraction, Shelby can’t help but be all too aware of Toni’s reputation for hooking up with girls at away games and during parties, or the rumor that she’d had no less than 3 potential girlfriends break things off after Toni had done so badly at meeting their parents.
It’s not like Shelby is a prude or anything. Since coming out, she’s made out with a few girls from school and even gone on a couple of innocent dates, but the furthest she’d ever gone was letting Caitlin Kennedy put her hand under Shelby’s bra in Fatin’s bedroom during a party. Despite the difficulties of her upbringing, many of the values that her father had instilled still meant something to Shelby; she still wanted to be wooed and romanced, and give herself to somebody she loved and who loved her. Somebody she could take home for Sunday dinner, who would carry her books and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Toni was maybe just a little too… Advanced.
She gives a sigh as the sprawling park comes into view and she signals for the turn off to the parking lot. “Did you hear about Toni sleepin’ with that girl from Seymour High?” Shelby asks, trying to sound nonchalant. “Apparently she was a cheerleader there and got kicked off the team for hooking up with the competition.”
Fatin shoots her a look of exasperated affection. “I hear a lot of things,” she says. “It doesn’t mean they’re true. It’s fucking high school, Shelby, and Toni’s a shoo-in for a college sponsorship, people always say shit about jocks.”
Shelby shrugs. “It’s just a little… Distasteful, is all,” she says softly as she pulls into a spot and cuts the engine. “I’d hate people spreadin’ those kinds of things about me.”
“You care too much about what people think about you,” Fatin counters, not unkindly. “Toni clearly likes you. You deserve to have some fun.”
Shelby gives an unconvinced hum but, thankfully, Fatin doesn’t push it, instead grabbing Shelby excitedly at her forearm as she checks her phone. “Yes! Dorothy is here with the goods. Let’s go tan, relax, and I’ll pretend not to notice you checking out Toni from behind your sunglasses.”
Shelby rolls her eyes but lets out a good-natured giggle regardless. “Well, thank you,” she says as they get out of the car and start to head over to the slightly run-down skatepark; the sound of wheels on plywood and asphalt leading their way. They spot Dot first, sitting cross-legged on the grass right at the edge, and Fatin holds one arm up and waves obnoxiously toward her back.
“Dorothy Campbell, the love of my fucking life!” Fatin yells, causing Dot to turn around and grin at them, her reaction just a fraction slow enough to let Shelby know she’s probably half-baked already. As they make their way over, Shelby scans the park for Toni but instead sees Leah who – as she’d predicted – is sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest holding an open book atop the half-pipe, not exactly in the way, but enough of an oddity to be noticeable. She reaches for Fatin’s hand and gives a quick squeeze, nodding her head surreptitiously toward where Leah is sitting, receiving Fatin’s slow, mischievous grin in return.
“You think she’s reading something hot?” Fatin asks, half-teasingly.
“I think she’s probably reading The Bell Jar, but you can hope,” Shelby replies, as they reach Dot and each greets her with a hug as they all settle back down on the grass as a newly formed group of three. Dot hands Fatin her vape pen right away, who takes a huge hit and coughs.
“Jesus, Dorothy,” Fatin says in a strangled voice. “Just when I know what to expect from you, you pull out something that would take out Wiz Khalifa.”
Dot gives a happy shrug. “I aim to please, my sprauncy friend.”
“Aw, Dorothy, you’ve been doing vocab!” Fatin laughs, leaning her head affectionately on Dot’s shoulder.
“Like a bitch,” Dot agrees easily. “My GPA is making me wanna die. The SATs should stand for suck ass…” She trails off, blinking heavily.
“Test?” Shelby offers, eliciting a wide, stoned grin. “Pretty sure test still works here, Dottie.”
“Exactly!” Dot says, offering a high five which Shelby takes. “See, Shelby fucking gets it!”
“Who we watchin’?” Shelby asks casually as she scans the park, ignoring Fatin’s gleeful look.
Dot squints at the bodies in the thrum of things, all wheeling around on skateboards and razor scooters. “Usual crowd,” she says. “I think the twins are around here somewhere, and Shalifoe is over there, trying to learn how to grind.”
The three of them follow where Dot is pointing, and sure enough Toni is frowning seriously at a short ramp with a rail running the length of it. Fatin gives a snort.
“I’m sure Shalifoe needs zero instruction on how to grind,” she laughs.
Shelby shushes Fatin abruptly, her eyes never leaving Toni. She’s wearing running shorts and a long-sleeved, baggy t-shirt, and her hair is down and shoved under a worn baseball cap. God, she’s hot, Shelby thinks as her mouth goes a little dry. Toni kicks off and traverses her bashed-up board along the flat part of the ramp for a second or two, before kicking up toward the ramp.
“Hey, Toni!” Fatin suddenly yells. “Do a trick!”
Toni’s head whips up toward the sound, and the sudden lapse in concentration causes her board to fly out from under her and roll away, making her land hard on her already heavily bruised and grazed knees. Toni lifts her head, scowling angrily as she hastily gets to her feet and Shelby watches her mouth start to form what is bound to be some kind of colorful retort, but then her eyes flicker and find hers instead and Toni’s whole demeanor changes immediately. They hold each other’s gaze for a second or two before Toni reaches down and dusts off her bare legs and takes up a light jog toward where her board has rolled across the smooth asphalt. She kicks it up and catches it before making her slow way over to where the three of them are sitting, shaking her head like she’s annoyed.
“That was a dick move,” Toni says to Fatin, although it’s lacking any real bite. “You could have shattered the kneecaps of the NCAA’s next star point guard.”
“I thought a true athlete doesn’t get distracted by a rowdy crowd,” Fatin counters. “I was testing you. You think Steph Curry gets thrown off his game by some yelling?”
“Steph Curry doesn’t spend his free time in mid-air on 4 wheels,” Toni says disinterestedly, already directing her gaze to Shelby and looking at her with intense, dark eyes. “Hey, Shelby.”
“Hey, Toni,” Shelby replies quickly, leaning back on her hands in the grass and pushing her chest out, just a little.
“You look nice, is that a new…” Toni trails off, appraising her. “Haircut?”
Shelby scoffs and tosses her hair back. “Not since a month ago when you last asked,” she says, channelling her inner Cher Horowitz.
“New shampoo, then,” Toni perseveres. “Something’s different. You look blonder.”
“Nope,” Shelby sighs. “You must be imaginin’ things.”
“Hmm,” Toni says thoughtfully, letting her eyes drop to Shelby’s mouth just for a second. “Must just be looking especially Princessy today, then.”
Shelby blushes, and the air between them grows a little heavier as Toni’s eyes never leave hers. Shelby really does hope Toni can’t see much of her eye line through her sunglasses because Toni is giving her that lazy, kind of crooked grin she has and it’s making her eyes keep seeking out that beauty mark she has just above her lip.
“Well, I got some new cargo shorts!” Dot pronounces, breaking the tension. “You gonna say I look especially Princessy today as well dude?”
Toni laughs, loud and genuine. “I think you’d fucking deck me if I did, Dot,” she says, shrugging. “What are you guys up to, anyway?”
“Tanning,” Shelby says quickly before Fatin can chime in with something embarrassing. “Trying to get a jump start for Summer vacation.”
Toni squints up at the sky. There’s maybe a couple hours or so of real sun left, and Toni must know that as she drops her line of sight back down to rake over Shelby’s outfit of shorts and a capped-sleeve shirt she’s tied just below her midriff. “What about after?” Toni asks casually, bringing up her thumb and biting a hangnail she finds there.
“What are you suggesting?” Fatin interrupts, suddenly interested in the prospect of something a little more lively.
“Not much,” Toni says. “A bunch of us are going over to the Smoke Hole later. The twins are coming, most of the girls from my team, some of the lacrosse boys.” she levels a look at Fatin and gives a smirk. “Leah.”
Shelby watches Fatin shoot a glance to where Leah is still firmly in her own world, cogs turning. The Smoke Hole is the name of the off-putting, though incredibly apt, spot off in the woods where kids at their school go to light a fire, drink, smoke, play shitty music, and hook up. It’s not really somewhere neither Shelby nor Fatin ever really consider hanging out; Fatin deeming it way too outdoorsy, and Shelby alarmingly debauched. Fatin casts her a glance and their eyes meet in silent conversation. Fatin quirks her eyebrow just slightly, and in return, Shelby widens her eyes imperceivably in a do not leave my side for a second look of warning.
Fatin nods, non-conversation over, and gives a slow grin. “We could be persuaded to party,” she says. “Dorothy, you coming?”
“Hell yeah, man,” Dot agrees. “Count me in.”
“You guys have drinks?” Fatin asks Toni, craning her head to look back over to the skatepark as if a tiki bar might have just materialized in thin air.
Toni shrugs. “Sure,” she says. “I think Kirin has a keg and other people will bring stuff. You’ll be good.”
“I’m driving,” Shelby interjects, more to Fatin than anybody else.
“You can stay over at my house,” Fatin waves her off. “Dot, you too. Just text your Mom now and tell her, Shelby. We just have to be quiet, sneaking in, it’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, but what about my car?” Shelby asks. “I can’t leave it here.”
“I can drive your car,” interrupts Toni softly. “I have practice tomorrow morning anyway. I can take all three of you back.”
Shelby bites her lip for a second as she thinks about it. If she’s being honest, there is something a little chivalrous about the idea of Toni playing designated driver and making sure Shelby and her friends got home safe. Maybe Fatin and Dottie would fall asleep in the back during the ride even, and then Shelby could sit up front with Toni and she can tell her how everything Shelby has ever heard about her reputation is a lie and how actually Toni is very committed to getting married, having 3 kids, and never looking at another woman again. Or something.
“Sure, okay,” Shelby says, feeling a fluttering of butterflies low in her stomach at the sight of Toni’s delighted grin. This could be the perfect opportunity, actually, she thinks. She just needs to make sure she keeps her wits about her and make sure that she doesn’t do anything stupid like get too drunk or say too much.
****
Four hours later and Shelby is wasted. She’s mostly stuck around the (slightly out of hand) bonfire in the middle of the trampled, well-partied ground, nestled on a sprawling log with Fatin, Dot, and the Reid twins around her. As promised, Kirin O’Connor had managed to secure a keg from god knows where and the rest of his lacrosse boys had also brought varying degrees of illegally sourced booze that they were surprisingly happy to share.
Fatin is comfortably cross-faded in that way only she seems to know how to handle, earnestly chatting to a serious-looking Leah who seems surprised to be garnering so much of Fatin’s attention. Dot had stuck to weed and is staring into the fire like it's about the reveal the meaning of life, Rachel, like Toni, has practice tomorrow so drank one beer and called it a night, whereas Nora managed to calculate how many millilitres of vodka she would need per hour to maintain a comfortable buzz according to her body weight and alcohol tolerance, without going over the limit.
Shelby, however, is fucked up. She has a bottle of blue Gatorade that’s about half and half vodka to glacier freeze, and Toni wandered off about an hour ago to partake in an incredibly aggressive game of cornhole with some of her teammates, leaving Shelby somewhere between annoyed and jealous.
Shelby watches her now; she’s turned her hat around so the peak is pointing backwards and it should be kind of lame but it isn’t. She must be winning, Shelby thinks, because she keeps laughing loudly and kind of jostling her teammates in show-offy ribbing, causing Shelby to roll her eyes heavily and wonder why she found this kind of boyish cockiness so deeply attractive. Toni takes the beanbags for her turn, and as she does she turns and catches Shelby’s eyes across the fire and holds her stare. Shelby’s face burns hot and her breath catches in the back of her throat with the intensity with which Toni is looking at her, but then Toni cracks an easy smile and makes a huge show of putting her left hand over her eyes and tossing the beanbag with her right hand blindly. It goes in.
Toni removes her hand at the sound of cheers and looks, letting out a hearty laugh of disbelief before turning back to Shelby and giving a wink as though she does this every day. Shelby blushes again, and she doesn’t know if it's the alcohol or if it’s just Toni but suddenly she can’t think of anything other than kissing her.
“I’m gonna go pee,” she slurs to nobody in particular and pushes herself heavily off the log. The action only serves to really make Shelby realize just how drunk she is as the cold air hits her away from the fire, causing her to stumble, and she feels rather than sees Toni’s eyes follow her as she presses deeper into the woods to find a secluded spot. It’s getting cold, and she’s not dressed particularly appropriately any more so she figures she should probably go home soon; briefly wondering if Fatin will put up any resistance to them leaving in favor of spending some more time with Leah. She pees – slightly wobbly on her feet – using her phone torch to guide her way as she gingerly makes her way back toward the light of the fire and the sound of teenage drunkenness. She’s almost made it back to the perimeter of the fray when a voice in the dark startles her.
“You doing okay?” Toni asks, pushing off a tree she’d been leaning against.
Shelby stumbles back slightly in surprise, clutching a hand to her heart, and as she does her sandal catches on some twigs and comes off leaving her left foot shoeless. She balances on one leg badly, hopping a little as she scans the ground but honestly, she’s way too drunk for this and it’s too dark to see properly anyway. She’s just about to give up and just put her bare foot on the ground – hoping she’s not about to land on some stray broken beer bottle – when Toni steps forward quickly and takes her gently by the elbow, holding her upright.
They look at each other, faces inches apart, and Shelby thinks it could almost be romantic when Toni moves Shelby’s hand for her and puts it on her shoulder for Shelby to gain purchase onto. “I got you, Cinderella,” Toni murmurs as she drops to one knee and takes Shelby’s sandal in one hand and her ankle in the other, gently pressing her shoe back on.
As Toni stands back up, Shelby drops her left foot back on the ground a little heavily but doesn’t remove her hand from Toni’s shoulder. It feels warm under her touch, and Shelby’s seen it enough times that can imagine the way her muscles move there when she scores a free throw. She rubs her thumb lightly, unable to help herself and Toni bites her lip and looks a little agonized as she casts a glance back toward where the party is happening, as though she’s not sure whether she should be guiding them both back. She reaches a hand out and gently wraps it around Shelby’s wrist, holding her in place lightly. Shelby’s heart is pounding, and they’re so close and everything about her is just so incredibly tempting that Shelby forces her mind to blank and she swallows her doubts in favor of just feeling as she closes her eyes and leans in until her lips capture… Nothing.
Shelby’s eyes flutter open and she takes in Toni and the way she’s tipped her head back, leaning away from her, with a look on her face like it’s killing her to do it.
“You’re so drunk, Shelby,” Toni says softly, with no hint of annoyance.
“I’m not so drunk,” Shelby slurs, proving herself a liar instantly. “I’m not that drunk,” she amends, before huffing a little. “It’s not like this wasn’t goin’ to happen eventually.”
Toni drops her wrist and pulls a face like she’s a little disappointed. “Sorry, Princess,” she says. “I don’t kiss wasted girls.
“You know I want to, though,” Shelby says, her mouth running away from her. “You want to.”
“Not like this,” Toni insists gently. “Besides, what do I do when you wake up tomorrow all remorseful?”
“You think I’ll be upset?” Shelby asks, confused.
Toni laughs. “Nah, Shelby,” she says shrugging. “I’ll be upset.”
Shelby gives her a look of suspicious disbelief and takes a deep breath, brows furrowing. She knows Toni is probably right; she’s completely trashed and her inhibitions have been lowered, and she figures she should probably feel embarrassed but Toni’s treating her completely normally instead of infantilizing her or something so Shelby just shrugs and accepts it, vowing to deal with the inevitable mortification tomorrow.
“I should probably go home,” Shelby admits, and Toni nods quickly.
“Give me your keys,” Toni says, holding out her arm for Shelby to link and hold on to, which she does and allows herself to be guided. “I’ll wrangle Fatin and Dot and get you back,” she says softly. “Drink a ton of water before you go to sleep.”
It must be annoying as all hell for Toni to walk a wasted Shelby, convince a completely gone Fatin to leave Leah’s side, and entertain Dot’s baked musings, but if it’s pissing Toni off she doesn’t show it as she leads Dot and Fatin into the back seat and opens the passenger side for Shelby.
Toni gets in herself before leaning over and buckling Shelby in, giving a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry,” she murmurs kindly, brown eyes glinting in the glow of the streetlight. “I’ll get you home before you turn into a pumpkin.”
Shelby snuggles back into the passenger side and listens idly as Dot and Fatin’s chatter fades in and out of focus in the back. Her eyes never quite leave Toni’s profile, as she takes in the scar on the bridge of her nose and the way her jaw clenches and relaxes like she’s deep in thought about something. Shelby moves her left hand to the centre console and rests it there between them, knowing right away when Toni notices by the way the corners of her mouth turn up in the slightest ghost of a smile. Toni turns to her briefly with a subtle roll of her eyes, as though Shelby is baiting her into something she can’t turn down and drops her right hand from the steering wheel, letting it fall next to Shelby’s.
Shelby bites back a smirk of her own and pointedly turns her face away to stare out of the window watching Fort Travis pass her by, when she feels Toni’s pinky finger curl over her own and rest there as her heart starts to pound.
When Toni pulls into Fatin’s street, she parks up by the house and follows the revellers as they pour out of the car, grabbing her board from the back and following around to press the keys back into Shelby’s hand. Fatin and Dot stumble toward the front door, giving them some space, and Shelby suddenly feels sober as she stands to let Toni appraise her.
“Thanks for the ride, Toni,” Shelby says softly, feeling kind of vulnerable and wanting under Toni’s stare. Toni smiles.
“Anytime, Goodkind,” Toni whispers quietly. “See you around?”
Shelby gives a sigh of wanting acknowledgement as Toni simply turns and gives a few short running steps, raising a quick hand before dropping her skateboard on the ground noisily as she skates away. Shelby watches her go, hair blowing behind her in the wind under her cap, and closes her eyes for a second as she chases the lingering feeling of Toni’s pinky pressed against her own.