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Nagi has been having a very bad day. He ended his stream with a sad sigh.
It had been one of those days. It wasn’t something that happened often, but when it did, it got bad.
It started when Nagi was scrolling through his timeline on a usual Friday afternoon, not long after Isagi had left for practice, when he had come across a recent video of the man. It must have been right after one of their matches, Nagi figured, as there was sweat gleaming on Isagi’s face and he had a bright smile that could only mean one thing. Victory.
Nagi was used to seeing interview clips of Isagi, he was famous after all, but this was one he hadn’t seen. His eyes softened just looking at the person he had become so familiar with on his screen.
His expression darkened only slightly when he heard the interviewer's question. She was a woman around Isagi’s height, maybe slightly shorter, with a small grin plastered on her face. The first words Nagi heard out of her mouth were ones he certainly didn’t expect.
“Well, everybody knows you’re one of the most famous people in the country right now. I think it’s safe to say that the entire world wants to know your relationship status. Is there any special girl back home? Or any certain type of girl you’re looking for?”
Nagi frowned. What did that have to do with the match? Well, whatever. Nagi knew the answer already, he was Isagi’s boyfriend, but he wasn’t sure how the other man would answer. They hadn’t really discussed how private their relationship should be, but Nagi didn’t care either way. He had his own fanbase, albeit a lot smaller, and he knew they would support them.
Isagi’s eyes widened at the question, “Eh? Well … there’s no special girl,” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “And for my type … I guess somebody with a good smile and laugh. I don’t know.” The clip ended after that.
Well, Nagi understood why the clip was making its rounds around Twitter now. Still, the answer made him falter. A good smile and laugh? Well, that definitely didn’t describe Nagi. He rarely laughed or smiled in general.
He tried to ignore the pang of hurt in his chest and quickly set his phone down. Whatever. Maybe streaming would help make him feel better.
It turns out that streaming did not make him feel better. It was quite the opposite, actually.
Usually Nagi was able to ignore any negative comments about him that appeared in his chat. Or one of his mods would remove the comment before he could see them. His already upset mood only made the comments feel worse, though.
In the middle of playing one of his games and talking about a new ramen place he and Isagi had decided to try, he glanced at his chat and frowned at one of the comments moments before it was deleted.
“all this guy does is play games and talk about food no wonder he’s so fat lmaoooo”
Nagi shifted in his seat, attempting to redirect his attention back to the other screen, but it was no use. He started to play worse, started getting comments asking why he was losing so much. He ended the stream not long after that and buried his head in his hands, letting out a deep exhale. He picked his eyes up and stared at his reflection in the monitor, scrambled in search of his phone.
Finally, he found and picked up his phone, trudging to the bathroom and looking at himself in the mirror. He pinched at the skin under his hoodie, pulling it out until it started to burn. He pulled his sleeve all the way up and looked at the jagged purple lines on his inner upper arm. Though they had faded a lot, the stretch marks were still there. He knew without looking that they were on his inner thighs, too.
Well, I guess the comment wasn’t completely wrong.
He rolled the sleeve back down and leaned closer to the mirror, picking at the extra fat on his face, the slight downturn his lips naturally had, the gaze in his eye that was frequently described as emotionless, the darkness under his eyes even though he probably got too much sleep, if that was even possible.
It’s no wonder Isagi didn’t describe him, he thought. He’s probably ashamed to be with somebody like Nagi.
Nagi wasn’t one to wear his emotions openly ever, really, but he thought for a second he felt a heaviness in his eyes, and saw a shine masking over his usual expression. He rapidly blinked to get it to go away, wiping his eyes on his hoodie roughly.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat in front of the mirror, only that eventually he felt as if he couldn’t even recognize himself, like he was staring at an unfamiliar blur. He was only shook out of his state by the sound of the front door closing and footsteps outside.
His gaze snapped to the closed bathroom door as he heard footsteps slowly coming down the hallway. He hoped that maybe Isagi wouldn’t see the light from under the doorway, would just walk to their room and get changed like usual.
Of course, luck wasn’t on his side this time.
Nagi heard a pause in the footsteps, right outside of his door. Then, the sound of three knocks, “Sei, are you in there? I got that ramen place we liked again,”
Nagi’s jaw clenched at the reminder, and he remained silent. Barely even noticed the doorknob turning and the familiar head of black hair poking through the doorway, a furrow between his brows and a slight frown on his face.
The door was pushed completely open and Nagi’s vision was crowded by the other man. Well, somewhat. Isagi was a few inches shorter than him, so he didn’t completely obscure his vision. Isagi’s hand found its way into Nagi’s hair and tilted his face down until they were making eye contact, an analyzing squint on his face that gave way to a frown.
“Sei, what’s wrong? Why are your eyes red?” Nagi hadn’t realized his face had gotten red. Maybe he had let a few tears slip before he noticed? That was unlike him, but a lot of his actions today were unlike his usual self.
“Had a bad day.” Nagi replied honestly. He figured Isagi probably didn’t want to hear the details.
The other man's eyebrows furrowed, and he moved his hand until he was lightly gripping Nagi’s left cheek, “Will you come to the kitchen with me and tell me what happened while we eat? Please?”
Nagi internally winced at the mention of the food, but he nodded anyway. Anything that would make Isagi stop giving him that look. It almost felt like pity.
The two made their way out of the bathroom and down the dark hallway, Isagi gripping Nagi’s hand the entire way down. Nagi couldn’t say he was surprised by the behavior; Isagi did have the tendency to be overprotective.
Isagi loosened his hold once they reached the kitchen, and Nagi’s eyes were drawn to the dinner on their table. He felt a painful twist in his gut, but sat down across from Isagi nonetheless.
Nagi picked at his food, not actually eating and not really paying attention. He stared down at the table and listened to Isagi instead. Though the other man was slowly eating, Nagi could practically feel his gaze on him, feeling him analyzing every slight expression change in hopes of finding out what was wrong. That kind of thing didn’t work on Nagi, not really. He was too stoic most of the time.
The noises stopped, and Nagi glanced up to see that look again. Isagi’s gaze moved down towards Nagi’s bowl, and he jutted his bottom lip out, “Why aren’t you eating? I thought you liked this place.”
“I do like this place.”
“Then what is it?”
“Just not hungry,” Nagi lied. Truthfully, he hadn’t eaten all day. They were almost out of the juice packets he liked, and he wanted to save the rest until right before they went to the store again.
Isagi moved his hand across the table, as if trying to reach for Nagi. Nagi ignored it, “What happened today? This isn’t like you. You always tell me what's going on.”
Not when it involved you, I don’t Nagi thought, but he sighed. It sounded tired in his own ears, “Are you ashamed of me?”
Isagi’s fist on the table clenched, and his eyes widened. He opened and closed his mouth a time or two, not replying. After a moment, he said, “W-what? Why would you say something like that?”
Nagi looked away from the genuine hurt he saw on his boyfriend's face, “Ah, I saw a video earlier. They asked about your type. If you’re in any sort of relationship.”
“From a few days ago? I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to reveal our relationship. You know I wouldn’t do that without talking to you first.”
Nagi shook his head, “It’s not just that. The person you described is the exact opposite of me. I barely even smile.” It was something the man had been told multiple times. Things like You always look so upset, you should smile more and It’s no wonder you don’t have friends, you’re so unapproachable . It was another thing Nagi tried to ignore, but the memories were making themselves known tonight.
Isagi seemed to understand, as his shoulders sank from their tense position and he put a soft smile on his face, “Sei, did I ever tell you when I first started falling for you?”
Nagi didn’t understand how this was on topic, but he shook his head and replied, “No.”
Isagi balanced his face using his hand and used his other one to reach out again and grab Nagi’s hand, “It was the first time I asked about those games you always play. You let me try to play for the first time and I died instantly, remember? But the reason I remember it so vividly is because it was the first time I heard you laugh. It might’ve been because of my failure, yeah, but I didn’t even care about that anymore. I’m not an artist, but I felt the sudden need to draw the expression I saw you making that day. Well- that sounds kind of stupid, but you get my point,” Isagi took a deep breath, “What I’m trying to say is that, even if you don’t think you smile or laugh very often, the rare times that you do are so special to me. I was trying to describe you. I was just thinking back to that memory when I answered. I’m sorry it seemed like I was trying to do anything besides that.”
Nagi felt as if he couldn’t breathe after the confession from the other man. He felt a warmth spread across his face before he asked. “That’s actually how you feel?”
Isagi laughed. It was a small sound accompanied by the squinting of his eyes and the slightly higher uplift of one side of his mouth. It was an expression Nagi had become familiar with over the years, and he felt another clench in his chest. A less painful, more welcoming one.
“Well yeah, of course. You know I love you, Sei.” Isagi appeared embarrassed now, rubbing his hand across the back of his head, “I’d yell about you being my boyfriend from the highest point I could find if it’s something you’re okay with.”
“I want people to know.”
Isagi squeezed his hand, “That’s settled, then. No more vague answers to interviewers, okay? Everybody's going to know you’re mine.”
Nagi buried his face in his free hand, willing the butterflies in his stomach to go away. This was not how he had expected this conversation to go. He hadn’t known about when Isagi started to have feelings for him. It was so early on in their friendship that Nagi hadn’t even considered the thought at that point. He was just curious about why a boy that seemed so full of life wanted to hang out with somebody like him.
Some things never change, he supposed.
“Ah. Somebody said something online, too.”
Isagi’s smile wipes off his face, “Eh? What’d they say?”
“About how I look. It was nothing,” Nagi sighed, “It’ll pass. I was … easily upset after the video.” He internally winced at the description. Nagi wasn’t the biggest fan of being vulnerable in front of people, but it was easier in front of Isagi compared to most. Maybe it was because of how understanding the man was.
“That’s not nothing . You can't just - you can’t talk like it’s not affecting you when it is.” Isagi clenched his jaw, frowned, and fixed Nagi with a look, “Isn’t there something I can do? I know you said it’ll pass, but I don’t want you feeling like that.”
Just hearing that you care helps, “I just want to go to bed. I’ll sleep it off.”
Isagi loosened his grip on Nagi’s hand and stood up, “Right, right. Sorry. I guess I’ll just- are you sure you don’t want that tonight?” Isagi gestured to the bowl of ramen still left at the table. At Nagi’s shake of the head, he picked the bowl up and brought it to the fridge, “Okay. Maybe tomorrow, then.”
Isagi gave him a soft, albeit shaky, smile and the two made their way to their shared room. Isagi still appeared deflated, no doubt overthinking the situation. Nagi wanted to reassure the man that he really would be able to sleep it off, but he wasn’t sure how. Usually, his bluntness was able to get the message across, but it seemed to just stress Isagi out further.
Nagi gave the man one more glance before changing as quickly as he could. He put on a blue sweatshirt that covered down to his mid-thigh and loose sweatpants. He flopped down onto their bed and watched Isagi with droopy eyes.
Eventually, the man finished getting ready for bed and moved to shut the light off. Nagi laid on his side, expecting Isagi to curl up in front of him like they usually did, but instead the man lightly pushed Nagi backwards until he was lying on his back. Before Nagi had the chance to protest, Isagi was burying his head in between Nagi’s neck and shoulder, arm flailing over the rest of Nagi’s body.
Well, Nagi couldn’t say he minded this. He regularly slept on his back before he got together with Isagi, anyway. He moved his free arm up to lightly scratch at Isagi’s head, and the man just burrowed his face further into Nagi.
Not too long after he started scratching, only a few minutes, Nagi felt the slight pressure on his neck that was making its way up. Isagi lightly pecked each spot he could reach, murmuring things that Nagi couldn’t pick up on.
Finally, as the man reached directly under Nagi’s ear, he heard some of his tangent:
“You’re so perfect, Sei. I don’t know how I got so lucky,”
Nagi shivered, tilted his neck slightly to the side, “Yoichi …?”
Isagi lifted himself up so that he was able to make eye contact with Nagi, and started running his hand through grey waves, “Sorry, it’s just- I realized that I don’t tell you enough, right? I’m going to change that.”
Before Nagi could respond, he again felt the pressure of lips on him. Isagi went from one eyelid to the other, gently holding each side of Nagi’s face with his hands, thumbs rubbing in circles over his cheeks.
Nagi melted .
Nagi moved his hands from his side to slide up Isagi’s back and pull the boy towards him again. He wrapped his arms tighter around Isagi and buried his face near Isagi’s collarbone. With a muffled voice, he said, “Stop, ‘m tired.”
Isagi sighed but relented, sliding back to his position before his affections began. He pressed one last kiss to Nagi’s neck before relaxing, “Fine, dummy. Goodnight.”
Nagi slept with a small smile on his face that night.
—
In true Nagi fashion, the man wasn’t as upset by the comment the next morning. It lingered in the back of his mind, attempting to push out the positive moments from last night, but he didn’t let it.
As Nagi felt around the bed, eyes still closed, to find his phone, he realized Isagi wasn’t there with him anymore. This wasn’t unusual, since Nagi usually likes to sleep in far later than he probably should, but he still missed the familiar warmth.
Finally, he had a grip on his phone and pulled it up to his face. The first thing he saw was how flooded his notifications were. He often had messages or replies from viewers, but there were more than usual. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his arm to try and adjust. When he realized what he was looking at, his eyes widened.
In his verified tab, the most recent tweet he was tagged in was by user IsagiYoichi . It was a more recent picture, maybe only a few weeks ago, of the two of them. Nagi’s head was smushed against Isagi’s chest in the picture with a small, barely noticeable smile on his face. Isagi was beaming above him, free arm wrapped around Nagi’s back.
Nagi glanced up at the caption, which read nobody ever asked about a special boy <3 . He scrolled down to see a reply to the original tweet from Isagi that read btw you should all check out his stream! i’ve heard he’s prettyyy good at video games :) i’m not a good judge though.
Nagi reread the tweets over and over, trying to process that this was real. Isagi told the world about their relationship the morning after their discussion about it.
Unbeknownst to Nagi, a giddy smile began to form on the man’s face. He fiddled with his fingers, moving them across his phone screen in random motion. He sat up and looked for any sign that Isagi was home. After a few seconds, he heard the sound of plates in the kitchen. He must be back from his run already .
Nagi slowly made his way out of bed, brushing his teeth and moving his hair around in a daze. After a long while, he sauntered to the kitchen where the noise was.
Nagi instantly saw the black-haired man, moving stuff around in the kitchen with earbuds in, a toothy grin on his face. Nagi thought that even with the tired look still lingering in Isagi’s eyes and the sluggish way he moved around, he looked gorgeous.
As the two made eye contact, Nagi couldn’t help but think Maybe I had nothing to worry about in the first place.