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The first thing she thinks when she sits down on the grass is I'm overwhelmed.
So much just happened in the past week- they got back to the Demon Realm, faced the collector, faced Belos, and finally killed the man. With the addition of a bunch of other stuff that they don't have time to go into. She had slept at the owl house after reuniting with everyone, they all needed rest after all. After that, everyone started rebuilding the demon realm- even her Mamá offered to help until she could catch a portal back home.
They (that being her family and friends) had been sleeping all together at the owl house for four nights now, all sharing rooms and helping out to make sure everyone is fed and taken care of.
And although she's gotten days to process everything, it still seems all so fake.
Back in the human realm, she would often sit outside in her backyard when she got overwhelmed. She always liked nature so it helped calm her down. That's exactly what she was doing currently, except now she's on red grass rather than green.
It's sometime in the late afternoon, her Mamá is helping Eda cook dinner whilst her friends are scattered around town helping with various tasks. Last time she checked, Willow and Gus had headed off to Hexside and planned to help clean up the mess, while Amity was helping carry heavy debris with the help of her dad's Abomatons.
Luz had stayed at the owl house to paint over the graffiti done and tidy up around, Eda and Camila helping alongside her.
Everything has been getting better since Belos is gone, but somehow that doesn't reflect on Luz's well-being.
The loss of her magic- glyph magic- makes her feel utterly useless. She has Stringbean who is absolutely amazing, but it doesn't replace the fact that she spent days- weeks learning about glyphs and being able to find her own magic to prove to others that she can be good. That she can be useful.
But now it feels like part of her is gone.
She's also been zoning out a lot- losing focus at random moments and it's frustrating more than anything. Eda however has been extremely patient with her no matter what, saying things like "You've been through so much, it's only natural for you to dissociate".
Others will brush their hands lightly on her arms and suddenly she feels as if her body is decaying again, and that she's about to die once more (except this time she doesn't come back).
Nonetheless, it doesn't matter how much she struggles because her friends and family are always there. Amity holds her as she sleeps, comforting her if she wakes up thrashing from nightmares. Willow and Gus give her tight hugs when she's zoning out to get her back in her body. Eda reassures her that they're safe when she feels like she's dying again. Camila makes her favorite meal to help her feel better. King lays down on her when she's having a panic attack since it helps ground her. Titan- even Raine having late-night talks with her because they're an amazing listener.
But Hunter...
She knows he's been busy- he's helping Darius and Eberwolf clean up Bonesborough and at the same time setting up locations for citizens to stay safe until their houses are rebuilt. He comes home with said ex-coven heads late in the evening and he immediately lays down next to Willow and dozes off until woken up the next morning to repeat the process.
She theoretically could visit him in town and help him. Eda would wave her hand, tell her to go bother Hunter while she's at it and they would go help people together. However-
She doesn't think he wants to be near her.
"And then I lost him, helping you."
The nightmare that the collector made her go through is still in her mind, constantly reminding her of her failures.
The first nights had been rough but Amity had asked her what happened in the nightmare, to which Luz shyly told her what the puppet version of her girlfriend had said. With wide eyes, Amity had taken her face in her hands and promised that "None of this is your fault, no one blames you darling- least of all me, I promise".
Willow and Gus had told her the same thing the next day after they had also asked what their puppet self had said to her. They hugged her tight and wiped away her tears while she sobbed.
Hunter, however, has barely said anything to her since they got out.
He had immediately fallen asleep as soon as he could and ever since then he had been working hard and coming home later.
She won't even deny it- she misses him.
She misses her brother and misses how they used to stay up late at night talking about anything and everything. Even though it's barely been a week- it feels like forever because they were constantly hovering around one another in the human realm.
Maybe he's avoiding her on purpose.
"But you still get to have your own palisman?"
He had sounded so angry- so full of hatred when he had said that. It's not the same with the others- Amity Willow and Gus were angry but she had seen them angry before, heard them talk with that tone of voice (it didn't make it any less painful).
Hunter, however? That's the first time she's heard him boiling over with hatred. The way his voice was venom when he had said those words to her- every time she thinks about it her stomach drops.
Of course she blamed herself when Flapjack died- if she had just believed Hunter, none of this would have happened. Hunter wouldn't have gotten possessed- Flapjack would be alive. And now he's no longer here because of her stupid actions.
He's struggling because of her.
And now she's suffering the consequences- her brother probably hating her (for a valid reason).
It doesn't hurt any less though. She knows she deserves it but it doesn't stop her hands from shaking and her breaths from coming in shorter.
She thinks part of the reason it hurts so much is because they only had each other for a short amount of time- if things turned out bad and the others despised them, they would still have the other to rely on. Losing someone who understood her so well would hurt.
She knows she deserves it- but Titan does it terrify her.
She plays loosely with the red grass next to her and rips a couple of blades before feeling guilty and setting them back down gently. Her eyes close as she breathes in, taking in the smell of nature to calm her nerves.
She hears Darius and Eberwolf bickering- alongside with Hunter chuckling as they make their way back to the owl house early tonight. She doesn't make a move however and stays planted at a tree's base, staring at the sea.
She doesn't know how long passed- time can pass by quickly when she zones out. The sun is halfway down the sky by the time she zones back in, indicating that she's been sitting down for near half an hour.
Stringbean usually accompanies her everywhere, helping her when she loses herself in her mind- but the adorable shifter had been sleeping with Clover and Emmiline and Luz didn't dare wake her up (She's only a couple of days old after all).
She's out of sight from Eda's her house, so it surprises her when she can hear the quiet shuffling of grass behind her. She hopes that someone is just passing by, but unfortunately, the person sits next to her quietly.
She steals a glance and realizes it's Hunter, nerves suddenly coming back.
He's probably here to tell you he hates you.
She squeezes her hands in her lap.
You deserve it.
They're both quiet, the warm sea wind blowing their hair while nothing happens.
She should apologize- say that he has the right to hate her, that he can no longer consider her his sister because of how much she hurt him. Surprisingly though, he starts the conversation first.
"Eda said you've been out here for an hour."
Has it been that long?
"She's worried about you, said that you um, were dissociating a lot today"
She's not dissociating- she's just zoning out. It's not that bad, yeah sometimes she feels that everything is fake and sometimes she loses track of hours going by but it isn't that bad.
Hunter probably has it worst anyways, she has no right to complain.
She should really apologize- he deserves that at least.
"Why Luz? Why do you get to have it all?"
Her hands shake harder as she fights back tears and swallows.
He has the right to hate her, she shouldn't be overreacting.
"Hunter?"
He hums, looking at her.
"Im- I'm so sorry" she shakily inhales "I'm so so sorry for everything- Because of me you, you lost F-Flapjack a-and you got possessed and I'm so sorry I didn't believe you- I should've-
"I'm so sorry and you can hate me t-that's fine- I know you hate me and t-that's okay- I j-just need you to know that I-I'm sorry and I know it doesn't excuse w-what I did but I am I'm so sorry-"
And it goes quiet for a few seconds before Hunter speaks up.
"I'm gonna- I'm going to hug you now" he states before doing exactly that.
He holds her tightly while she doesn't know what to do because why is he being nice why is he hugging her? Is this a goodbye hug? It has to be- there's no other reason he would hug her.
She doesn't deserve to be forgiven.
"For the record, I don't hate you"
What?
"F-Flap's death wasn't your fault, you had reason to believe B-Belos wasn't there. We saw him die, we couldn't have known."
"I should've-"
"No," he interrupts her "You aren't at fault here, he is. Even if you would have believed me he probably would have still found a way to, to hurt me a-and Flap."
Her voice trembles when she speaks again "His death was my fault- and I got Stringbean after and I love her so much but it isn't fair to you I'm s-sorry-"
"Luz" he pulls back to look at her directly, placing his hands firmly onto her shoulders maybe this is it, this is where he finally admits that he fucking hates you-
"You couldn't have predicted that. Im- I miss Flap a lot, but you or Stringbean aren't at fault for that. Im- You deserve her, so much" and tears are welling up in his eyes now "I miss him but I have wonderful friends that help me and, more importantly, I have a wonderful sister that cares for me, and that's enough".
She stares at him with wide eyes because why does he still want her as his sister?
"You don't hate me?" She asks in the most quiet, scared voice he's seen her talk in.
His eyes soften "No, I don't think I ever could"
And she can't stop herself before she starts turning into a sobbing mess- she's hyperventilating and her shoulders shake even though all she feels is relief.
Hunter pulls her back into a hug, rubbing circles into her back like he's seen Camila do. His chin rests on top of her head while she sobs in his chest loudly.
It takes a few minutes but when she's calmed down, she expects Hunter to pull back and go back to the owl house, but instead, he repositions himself so that her head is on his shoulder and he uses one of his arms wrapped around her to rub her shoulders.
"Was it the nightmare the Collector made us play in?" He finally asks, and it startles Luz because she didn't expect him to figure it out so quickly.
She nods "How did you know? I didn't- I didn't tell you what happened?"
"Willow told me," he starts "Didn't go into detail, but she said that we were being used to say some awful stuff to you, about how we hated you- which by the way, we don't- but she said that you had this fear of us rejecting you in any way. I forgot the name she said but, what I mean to say is that I don't hate you, and neither does anyone we know."
She stays silent, laying her head comfortably on his shoulder. It takes her a few moments to get her head and mouth to work together, "I think she was talking about rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It's an adhd thing,"
"So it makes you sensitive to rejection?"
She nods "But, there's a lot more to it than that. Like it makes me overthink small things which leads me to believe people hate me. Like once, Willow didn't talk to me for a day and I genuinely thought she hated my guts-" she sighs "It also kind of makes me really bad at communicating which sucks and I'm working on it- sorry I'm rambling, Titan-"
"No no it's okay-" he reassures "That actually, helps a lot. For what it's worth, I don't think you could make me hate you."
"I- thank you, I, I think I really needed that" and she means it- she struggles knowing when people would be mad at her so she just, kind of assumed everyone hates her when their mood shifts to something she doesn't recognize.
It's quiet again except this time it's calming. Hunter is still rubbing her shoulder with his thumb and she closes her eyes, letting herself calm down.
They sit there for a while, watching the sun slowly approach the horizon as the leaves around them rustle.
"How did he die?" Hunter asks and she realizes she hasn't told anyone what happened- emotions were fresh and all that the others knew is that Belos is dead.
"He tried manipulating me again to make me think he got 'possessed by a curse', and then Eda Raine and King stomped on him until he died". Thinking about it now, it's kind of pathetic to see him go from a giant beast as big as the titan to a puddle of goo on the floor.
Hunter snorts, shoulders moving as he laughs through his nose, "That's- kind of funny I have to admit".
They chuckle together, laughing loudly when one of them makes fun of Belos. A few weeks ago they would have never dared to make jokes about their situation but ever since Belos died, everything seems calmer and light-hearted.
She's giggling lightly when she hears a quiet Ssssss coming towards them and immediately recognizes it to be Stringbean. She smiles, before stopping herself and feeling guilty once again about rubbing the fact that she has a palisman and Hunter doesn't.
However, after Stringbean headbutts her cheek, she slithers over to Hunter's hand that he's holding out and purrs when he pets her.
Maybe it's okay after all?
There's a pair of footsteps behind them, and Hunter turns his head quickly only to relax when he sees that it's just Camila.
"Eda wants me to let you know that dinner is ready. We made Empanadas, or at least tried to, I'm still getting the hang of the food here" she laughs softly.
"Thank you mamá"
Luz smiles, and Camila crouches down to her, asking her if she's feeling okay.
"I'm good, just a bit tired" to which her mom nods, kisses her forehead gently, and does the same to Hunter before heading back.
Stringbean is now trying to bury her face into Hunter's neck- which is way too adorable.
A nagging voice at the back of her head pipes in, telling her that Hunter probably doesn't want Stringbean near him, that it'll cause him to be more upset than he needs to be. "If you want me to take her back I could-"
"It's okay," he says gently "She's adorable, and, I'm glad she's here".
Luz smiles brightly because thank Titan that he doesn't hate either of them.
After a few minutes, they decide that they should probably get going before Eda comes and drags them by the ear herself. She helps Hunter up (a habit she picked up after he has too casually mentioned that his joints hurt regularly) before making their way back to the owl house.
They ate dinner, Hunter sitting closer to her and talking about his day enthusiastically. Dinner was followed up by a game night that Eda declared she would win before losing miserably to Eberwolf.
Eventually, their friend group retreated to Luz's room (which was way too small but it doesn't matter since neither of them wanted to be separated at the moment) and settled for the night.
The room is dark apart from being illuminated by the moon, quiet rustling can be heard from Willow moving around in her sleep.
"Hunter?"
She can hear his head turn towards where she's sleeping close to Amity "Hm?"
"Thanks, for everything."
"No worries hermana, sleep well" he whispered before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.
A smile plasters itself on her face, making her feel warm- loved. She's quickly able to fall asleep, having a peaceful rest undisturbed by nightmares.