Work Text:
Every time nag-iiscroll sa social media si Jongdae, either kasal or anak ang nakikita nya. Most of his peers are already settling down, living the life, pero eto sya at 24 years old na never pa nagkaroon ng boyfriend. Ramdam niya yung pressure dahil bukod sa siya nalang ang walang partner tuwing lumalabas sila ng barkada, nandyan rin yung palagiang pagpaparinig ng pamilya nya.
Solong anak si Jongdae. Kaka-graduate lang ng college at nagsisimula palang harapin ang realidad ng buhay. Walang pera pero may ilang ari-ariang iniwan ang tatay niya sa pangalan niya. May edad na rin ang nanay nya kaya paulit-ulit na ang tanong na “Kailan mo ba ko bibigyan ng apo?”
Sa totoo lang, kung si Jongdae ang tatanungin, wala naman talaga siyang balak mag-asawa lalo na ang mag-karoon ng anak. Masyado pang magulo at walang direksyon ang buhay niya. Okay pa naman siya sa relationship status niya.
Pero syempre, may mga pagkakataon pa rin, lalo na tuwing gabi na nararamdaman niya yung loneliness. And minsan, it leads to eventual self-pity and the sudden urge na magkaroon man lang ng ka-late night talks. At bilang isang impulsive na tao, madalas hindi nya pinag-iisipan ang mga desisyon nya sa buhay.
Isang gabi, Jongdae let his impulsiveness won him over. Habang nag-seself pity at nag-iisip kung anong pakiramdam na magkaroon ng jowa, bigla nalang sumagi sa isip niya na mag-download ng Bumble. There was a point in his life na he even swore na kahit anong mangyari, hinding-hindi sya mag-reresort sa dating apps. Pero that night, wala. Hinayaan niyang manalo ang pagiging impulsive niya.
At dahil impulsive desisyon nga ito, wala syang kahit anong expectations o ano pa man. At that specific time, ang tanging gusto nya lang ay magkaroon ng makakausap. After setting up his account, choosing pictures from years ago that shows his best profile, he decided to finally went on with it. Wala syang kahit anong criteria, basta hindi mukhang scam yung profile, nag-saswipre right sya. Not even 30 minutes upon downloading the app, meron na agad syang almost 10 matches. Pero wala pang nag-iinitiate ng convo. Bumble is even persuading him na mag-first move. So, he did.
Sehun, 24.
Base sa profile, mukhang piloto. Di masyadong kita yung mukha kasi halos lahat ng pictures may cap, shades, or face mask. Pero mukha namang totoong tao. Kaya, syempre nag-swipe right na si Jongdae.
“YOU MATCHED”
“You have 24 hours to make the first move with Sehun.”
At dahil na-bored na si Jongdae kaka-swipe left at swipe right. Sinunod na nya ang suggestion ni Bumble na mag-first move. Pero bilang hindi sya masyadong fan ng small talks, mas pinili nyang gamitin yung “Question Game” feature ni Bumble. Namili sya sa mga random na questions suggested by the app, and settled sa tanong na “What do you think is the best part about being single?”
Since trial palang naman ‘to. Hindi pa nya alam how this game works, kaya he settled for a very short answer: “Freedom.” He leaves it at that and bumalik na ulit sa pag swipe left/swipe right.
Few minutes later, nagulat sya nung biglang lumabas yung notif na may nag-message sakanya. Lo and behold, it was that Sehun guy. He was laughing because he took the question game way too seriously and gave a paragraph-long answer. Natawa naman si Jongdae habang binabasa ang sagot ng lalaki. Sehun’s answer made so much sense, he talks about getting to know yourself better and like having the chance to assess what you’re actually looking for sa relationship.
Jongdae was amazed, to say the least. Di niya inexpect na people on that app actually talk with sense. He thought conversations would go from small talks, sudden flirtings, and all that. Also, another factor is pogi typings etong si Sehun. Not only did he speak with sense in FULL ENGLISH, talagang correct grammar and punctuations pa.
Surprisingly, their conversation flows naturally. No awkward introductions and all. It sparks from that single question suggested by the app and stems out to deep topics ranging from everyday life issues, long term aspirations, to politics.
Jongdae didn’t even have to think much kung anong i-rereply niya. He literally bared his self and let his honest thoughts and opinions out. The first night ended without any hints of wanting a date or whatsoever. Just random strangers sharing deep conversations with each other, basking in the warmth of having a virtual company.
Honestly, Jongdae thought he’d get bored with the dating app easily. Aside from Sehun, all he had were awkward introductions to empty conversations with his other matches. He went to work the next day, leaving all thoughts of the app behind.
That’s why he was surprised when he checked the app prior to his lunch break and saw a new message from the other guy. Their conversation picked up from where they left it the night before. Best to say, Jongdae was drawn by how easily they connect with each other. And he is captivated by Sehun’s wit and intelligence. Buti nalang hindi ganon ka-busy sa office kaya he gets to spend majority of his office hours talking with the other.
He gets to learn that the other is actually still on his way to becoming a pilot. It was a life-long dream and Jongdae was enticed by how the other talk with so much love and passion for his dream.
Office hours ended with the two falling into easy conversations about their daily lives and whatnots. Sobrang tagal na since nagkaroon si Jongdae ng, as what this generation calls it, “ka-talking stage.” Kaya naman, he suddenly feels giddy and warm on the inside. Na he’s suddenly very eager to just talk about anything and everything with Sehun. And he feels the same energy being reciprocated as the guy seems just as eager to talk with him.
The topic of them wanting to date one another hasn’t been brought yet but safe to say na they had jumped to the “getting to know” stage already. Telling each other what they were looking for in a relationship. Their pet peeves. Their negotiables and non-negotiables. What they were expecting in a relationship and all that. Oh! Jongdae learned that Sehun has been single all his life too!
Jongdae let his emotions took him over without warning. Until the magic of their easy conversations suddenly materialized into something more real than anyone could imagine. Before he even realized what’s happening, he gets way too invested with whatever this is.
“Hey! I just have to say, you’re really pretty.”
They were talking about the people they have matched with on the app, when Sehun randomly blurted that out. Admittedly, Jongdae felt butterflies in his stomach, something he hasn’t felt for way too long. And from there, the flirting began.
Two people who have been single all their lives. A dangerous combination. Both got so excited with the sudden deep connection they’ve found in each other. Suddenly, they were consumed by that tiny spark. Hinayaan nilang mag-wagi ang excitement at ang desire to finally lift off their Single-Since-Birth status.
Their conversations then shifted to more flirting, planning of dates, and basically just looking forward to what’s ahead and be each other’s firsts. They have a common goal. Both wanting whatever it is to work. That same night, barely 48 hours since they’ve started talking with each other, they decided to uninstall the dating app. Lumipat sila sa IG to make things much more personal. They somehow got a glimpse of each other’s worlds and still, the magic lives on. Both still eager to make things work.
And so, three days after matching on Bumble, they finally met. Jongdae was in awe with how stunning the man looks in real life.
“Hi, capt!” Jongdae cheerfully greeted when he saw the man sitting inside Starbucks.
Sehun smiled so charmingly as he stood up and gave Jongdae a hug.
“Hug me when you see me in real life.” was something Jongdae said in the passing when they were planning about one of their many planned dates. And here is Sehun, fulfilling that little promise the very moment they first saw each other. Dagdag pogi points tuloy.
Just like how they were sa chat, they instantly fall into easy conversations. Nagsimula sa kung anong coffee ang oorderin hanggang sa napadpad na sa mga karanasang hindi malilimutan. It was so easy to talk to Sehun. Sobrang comfortable ni Jongdae. Kaya naman, he really bared himself. Sa bawat tanong na binabato ng lalaki, instant na lumalabas ang katotohanan sa mga labi ni Jongdae. At ramdam nya rin naman na ganoon rin si Sehun sakanya.
“Sure ka na ba?” Sehun asked randomly while sipping on his coffee.
“Saan?”
“Na ako magiging reason mo to leave bumble?”
Jongdae scoffed and showed Sehun his phone. “Na-uninstall ko na.”
Sehun smiled, taking Jongdae’s hand.
“Ikaw, sure ka na ba?”
No moment of hesitation, Sehun answered, “Sure na sure.”
Soon, they find themselves sa condo ni Sehun. Parehas na lango pa sa ligayang dulot ng pagkikita nila. They let their emotions take over and throw all rationality in thin air.
“Is this, okay?” Tanong ni Sehun habang nilalapit ang mukha sa binata.
Tumango si Jongdae, puno ng excitement ang kanyang puso, dahil sa wakas malalaman na nya ang pakiramdam na mahalikan.
The first touch of their lips was soft and awkward. Both giggling at their lack of knowledge about these things. Still, they went on and let the fire consume them. Despite the awkwardness of doing it for the first time, and basically experimenting and winging the whole thing, the two still shared a passionate night. Both sated and fulfilled as they came from their high.
Not even a week since they’ve known each other and Jongdae, quite literally (pun intended), bared it all. He felt no sense of regret tho. Happy to have experienced and shared his firsts with Sehun.
Even after doing the deed, both mutually decided to wait a little before putting a label into whatever this is. Trusting everything to fate and moving along the direction of the wind.
The week after that is still filled with bliss. Joyfully enjoying each other’s company and crossing out a few things on the list of their many planned dates. They met in person a few more times within that week and still felt the spark moving.
But soon enough, reality began to set in as both of them realized just how quickly they had jumped into things without really getting to know one another or understanding where their relationship was truly heading. The whirlwind romance lost its intensity and before long, each of them started to feel distant from the other.
The passion between them still burned strong but it lacked the same strength it had when they first met. Often times, conversations stopped midway because neither party knew what to say anymore. All those little moments that build up their unique connection began disappearing until eventually, not much remained at all except mild civility.
Neither of them wanted nor intended for things to end this way. But there are times when the sparks die down before it even ignites the fire. They acted on impulse and let the spark consume them fast. Until eventually, the sparks were gone.
As much as Jongdae wanted it to work out between them, he had come to the realization that those unbearably blissful moments weren’t nearly enough to build up the foundation they need if things were to stay long-term.
So, on their 5th meet-up, the once bubbly air turned to eerie silence. Both felt the weight of what’s about to come. Just as how fast they’ve felt the sparks burning, both felt it eradicating.
“You know what? I’ve been thinking, is it even possible for us to go back to just being friends?” Sehun started, staring at the sun setting in front of them.
They’ve talked about that before. Long before they meet in person. That if things weren’t going to work between them, they’d love to at least be each other’s friend.
But given the things they’ve shared. Jongdae thought it’s impossible too.
“Then I guess we should settle things as early as now?”
“How do we even do that?”
Sehun’s voice is laced with uncertainty, as if he already had the vision of what’s about to happen.
“I don’t know? Bare it all, maybe? Flaws and all. See if after this we’re still up for whatever this is.”
Jongdae has been feeling heavy prior to meeting Sehun. And to be honest, he just wanna settle this once and for all. Beating around the bush would only make things worse. And if they were to continue jumping into the unknown without much assurance of how much they can bear, things will definitely end up hurting more.
And so, Jongdae, once again bared it all. He voiced out his flaws and insecurities. He admitted that he is a complicated person. He sometimes draws walls when he felt things are changing. He needed constant assurance to keep going. Few reasons why none of his past ‘relationships’ ever progressed into something more.
Sehun also admitted that despite the bliss he felt from all the first they’ve shared, he isn’t very ready to commit. He still has some issues he had to deal with himself. And he says he doesn’t want to end up ruining Jongdae because of those things.
“So… this is really goodbye, huh?” Jongdae whispered after a long silence. Tears threatening to fall. He can feel his heart constricting because of the pain. T’was the first time he actually felt this much pain upon getting a closure. His past M.U.s sting a bit but this was a different type of pain. Ramdam nya yung sakit, physically. Wala eh. Umasa kasi sya. He was filled with so much hope na baka eto na ‘yon. Prior to installing that dating app, he was actually losing hope with love. But this whole experience with Sehun brought back that glimmer of hope, na oo nga, baka possible pa. He was looking forward to finally have something work for him.
Kaya it freaking hurts when all he heard from the other was a soft, “Yeah, I guess.”
And that was the end of it. They said their goodbyes along the setting of the sun. Up until the end, Jongdae bared it all. He voiced out how it fucking hurts. How he wished they met on a different setting or how they should’ve taken things slow. Sehun, on the other hand, continuously apologized for leaving empty promises he could not fulfill. For giving so much hope for something he isn’t quite ready to venture in. He continuously reminded Jongdae of how amazing he is and how wonderful the time they spent together had been.
As the sun completely disappears, Jongdae wiped his tears and requested to be the one to walk away.
“Wishing you safe skies always, capt. Good bye.”
And with that, the sparks have completely faded.