Chapter Text
The thing about being a child of the big three is, it’s appealing as long as you are not one of them. Yoongi’s life was already really shitty, being a halfblood. You see there are monsters tracking you and wanting to kill you. Not all the gods like you, whether you did something to upset them or not. And you can tell nobody about it. Gods, normal mortals don’t even see the monsters. The magical fog saving them from the ugly reality, showing them picture of normal daily events.
You are somewhat safe in a camp, Camp Halfblood you see. From there other and older Halfbloods venture out to look for people like Yoongi and themselves to bring them back behind the borders of their camp which eventually offers protection from everything.
That’s also the reason Yoongi finds himself in the cabin of Hades, near New York in Camp Halfblood. Before being brought here, he lived in Busan, South Korea on the streets. After his father finding out he was seeing a boy, he kicked him out. Turns out his father wasn’t his biological father but Hades was. Hades the god of death, the dead and king of the underworld.
Some might say, cool, others may envy him but as one of the few children of the big three Zeus, Poseidon and Hades, he was rather lonely.
On nights like this especially. His thoughts kept on circling in his head making sleep hard to come by. Eventually Yoongi gave up and made his way to the small beach at the coast of Long Island. Usually that would calm him down, let him breathe. It remembered him of Busan, when he visited the ocean in seek of comfort.
Slipping through the door outside, his feet made muffled sounds when impacting the ground while walking. A cold breeze blew from the coastline across the hills. Yoongi took a calming breath, inhaling the fresh air, tasting the salt on his lips. Instantly his skin felt not as constricting anymore. The weight on his chest slowly loosening and giving way tho the air streaming now through his lungs.
The boy made his way down the small path that had formed in the two years he had already been here when he made his way down to the small beach. Today however he seemed to not be the only one seeking comfort from the water.
He could make out to figures sitting on the sand. Quiet voices talking. Yoongi could make out Namjoon’s voice, the other he did not recognize. It wasn’t uncommon that Namjoon was in the company of a new camper.
Namjoon came a few weeks after Yoongi to the camp. Namjoon however despite having korean family came from Washington. Already knowing he was a Halfblood before he came here, he volunteered to become one of the scouts. So shortly after arriving and being the social butterfly he was he regularly left with a small group of scout to look for more Halfbloods and help them reaching the camp safely.
Under the scouts was also Hoseok, son of Apollo. The child had a really friendly aura and was one of Yoongi’s only friends. Taehyung, son of Hermes the god of travel and everything, was also a social butterfly and since a few months the newest addition of the scouts.
If Namjoon wasn’t out and about scouting for teens in trouble, he was tutoring the newbies and training in the arena. Despite his occasional clumsiness, the boy was very skilled with sword and spear. Totally fitting in the role of a child of Athena.
Everyone had something to do, following the paths layed out for the from their immortal parents. And then there was Yoongi. Not like he hadn’t a life but he wasn’t quiet fond of fighting whether with a bow or a sword. He didn’t exactly enjoy old greek. He didn’t see a reason as to why he should climb the trainingswall with lava on the ground.
Before Camp Halfblood, he wanted to become a producer but ever since he discovered he was in fact the son of Hades, he kinda lost his destination.
Approaching the two boys slowly, halting in the distance he listened to their conversation.
“...and now she is gone. And I don’t know. What is with dad, he apparently isn’t my real dad. Does that mean Hannah and Lukas are also not his real children? Or was I conceived before that but that doesn’t make any sense,” the newbie’s voice sounds distraught in Yoongis ears. He sympathizes with the young boy. He was also confused at first. It fades with time.
After listening to the conversation for a few more minutes, Yoongi decides to go back to his cabin. He felt calmer and more collected just by listening to Namjoon and the new Halfblood talking. He still would have enjoyed sitting at the beach for a few hours.
Back in his cabin, the silence was not as heavy to bear as before, therefore sleep came fast.
The following nights, the same thing occurred over and over again. Yoongi couldn’t sleep and would seek refugee in the sound of the waves to keep the loneliness at bay. A few meters before, he would stop, seeing Namjoon and the same Halfblood, Chan was his name, sitting at the small beach talking. Yoongi would stay for a few minutes, thats also ow he learned Chans name and the go back to his cabin, to not invade their privacy.
That went on for a few weeks until one night. Yoongi was bathed in sweat as woke up from his nightmare, panting and freezing. He scrambled up from his place on the bed, hurrying to reach the door and threw his body through the threshold of his cabin. As fast as his feet could carry him, he ran for the small shore, forgetting about the possibility of meeting Namjoon and Chan there.
His breathing was uneven and way to fast to be actually pumping oxygen through his system.
He stumbled over his own steps not far from where the small waves kissed the sand. Sensing the fall, he bared himself for the impact of the fall. But that never came.
Two Arms were slung around his middle, holding him upright. Yoongis vision swarmed with black dots and he was still hyperventilating.
“-ngi, Yoongi can you hear me? Hey calm down, slow breaths, okay? Do it with me.” Namjoon had caught him and was talking to him. His voice sounded dimmed like he as speaking through a big packet of wool.
Namjoon turned him around and tilted his chin up for him to look the taller in the eyes. “Breath with me Yoongi, In and Out. And again.”
Listening to Namjoon was easy. He could do that. After a few labored breaths, the son of Hades could feel himself calming down and his whole body slumped into the others chest. They stayed like this for a few minutes. Yoongi‘s mind pleasantly numb. He felt like his body was falling but in a reassuring way, like he was weightless and safe.
A hand found its way into his black hair and stroked with calm and firm through the strands of raven locks. The moment seemed to stretch endlessly and still Yoongi was sure they only stood there for a few seconds until he stemmed his hands into the others chest and pushed to reestablish the distance between himself and the son of Athena.
„I‘m sorry,“ the smaller said, looking at the ground as if it was the most interesting thing he has ever seen. „Happens to the best of us. You‘re not alone you know,“ Namjoons’ voice weaved through the air, carried be the slight breeze of the small beach.
„Feels like it way to often tho,“ Yoongi left out a humorless chuckle. „It‘s fine. I am used to this feeling, was just a little much after today. To exhausted and I am also really bad at all this feeling stuff you know? Pretty admirable that you are like the Camp psychiatrist, you know? You are a natural with the kids and all…“
„You know, I wasn’t always like this. I had my fair share of this depressed state. I got myself a therapist, a hobby and thought I might feel better helping. Tough journey but definitely worth it.“
„I can imagine. Why isn’t this boy here?“
„Chan? He is with Seungcheol and Seokjin at his sisters apartment and they are sorting out her funeral. His mother knew he was a Halfblood and got in the way of him and the Empousa trying to kill him and died. I knew he was a Halfblood and that’s why I tried to keep an eye on him and get him here before something like this could happen. Turns out even though I was very early I was still to late.“
„I am sorry to hear that. Must have been fucking traumatizing for the boy. How old is he? And who is his parent?“
„He is 11 and a son of Poseidon.“
„So he also is alone in his cabin?“
„Yup. Originally came from Australia to New York when his mother remarried. That is also why his siblings aren’t demigods.“
„Who will take care of them?“
„The siblings are taken care of by the dad. He also knows what Chan is and Chiron has an appointment with the adoption agency. He will legally get custody of Chan. He has a lot of luck that the dad is so cooperative.“
„Why are Seokjin and Seungcheol with him tho?“
„Seokjin to numb the pain for him and the family. Chan wanted that and Seungcheol because he is responsible and they kind of have a bond. Also a child of Posidon this young attracts a lot of Monsters and Seungcheol to but he can fight them.“
„Hmh true. Is he going to get a therapist?“
„Seokjin will go and apply him for therapy.“
„And he is okay with that?“
„Yeah…you remember Solar?“
„The daughter of Eleos? Didn’t she leave Camp Halfblood for Family?“
„Right but she is more or less back and moved to the outskirts of New York. Solar has opened her own psychiatry specialized in demigods and cases like Channie. So he will be in good hands.“
„Didn’t she marry? Solar I mean?“
„As far as I know, she is currently in a relationship with Byuli.“
„Moonbyul? The daughter of Nyx? I knew it. Is this why Byuli left?“
„Yup.“
They sat a while in the sand, staring at shallow waves, glistening in the soft moonlight.
„Maybe you should also visit Solar once. I mean I noticed you standing there so many times…you seem to fight the nightmares too. Or go to Hyungwon. He is only a son of Hypnos but he should be able to give you a good nights sleep.“
„M‘ fine tho. Nothing to worry about.“
„Yoongi, I am not stupid. I may not be a therapist, but I can feel the dread, the stress, the grief and the loneliness coming of you like I never felt with Chan and gods, his emotions were strong. I won’t force you to seek help, but you really need it.“ Namjoon was looking at him now, his eyes filled with so much worry, Yoongi had to look away. He knew Namjoon was right. He should seek professional help…but it was ridiculous. He only was lonely, nothing more.
„I-“
„Don‘t deny it Yoongi, you know I am right. This-“ Namjoon pointed at the dark circles under his eyes and the paleness of his skin „- is not healthy.“
Yoongi just stared at the water, tiredness overwhelming him. He simply nodded, feeling as if he owed Namjoon an acknowledgment of his analysis of his state.
When Yoongi woke up the next morning, he lays in his bed, still in his clothes from he beach and just a thin blanket thrown over his body. A smile involuntary crept across his face before he could stop it. Namjoon was truly someone.
The next days went fine. Yoongi avoided Namjoon. He didn‘t know what to make of the Son of Athena. He had this something and Yoongi could not figure out what it was.
The nights he couldn’t sleep, he took meds he stole from the infirmary. After a week, he decided that a nightly visit of the beach might actually be helpful.
To his relief nobody sat in the sand tonight. When he saw the empty beach, he still felt this tiny bit of loneliness creep into his bones, settling with a familiar cold. He felt like he was dead. Now he slept but something was missing and he always knew it but somehow it became more obvious to him, the longer he tried to ignore the almost choking sentiment of coldness and pain.
The feeling of absolute dread crept through his veins like thick honey, clogging his blood flow up. The sadness felt like a million tiny knifes in his lungs, cutting everything inside him up with every breath he took. The sand under his hands didn’t feel warm from the long day of sun shining and warming them. It felt like tiny glass splinters digging into the skin of his hands. The air that seemed fresh to him at first, felt like a thick fog of sorrow and grief, splitting his head open with every breath. He felt cold and nothing at the same time. He just wanted to die.
He didn’t know how Nico ever survived. If he would have survived in the world of a child of death without Will as his source of light, hope, warmth and happiness. He couldn’t be happy, he couldn’t feel warm. All the time he was surrounded by the dead, by death, by anything really that dragged him down. His will to live in these conditions dwindling down at a vey fast rate.
He didn’t know why he was even trying to go on…he was so tired. He had no energy left to go on. Everything hurt.
Yoongi reached in his Pocket and pulled out the sleep meds he stole from the infirmary. If he took them all at once, it would be over. He could sleep. He could see the rest, see his friends who fell through quests. Hoseok would forgive him. Hoseok his best friend would understand.
He hoped he would.
So easy.
He only has to swallow and it would all be over.
Everything.