Chapter Text
Raine stumbled backwards in their mindscape to avoid the grayish goo infecting everything. Some of it grasped at their legs, only just being shaken off as they fumbled to get away. Eyes sprouted from the memory-trees, glowing a haunting bright blue that pierced them as they desperately fled, trying to find anywhere to hide.
Sprinting away, they spotted a safe memory not too far away. If they could just get to it in time-
The gray goo rose in front of them, obscuring the image in the frame. They tried to skid to a stop, but the sudden shift in momentum made them fall backwards, landing harshly on the stone-cold ground beneath them. Blue eyes flooded the trees, all boring down on them as the goop swirled around their wrists and ankles, keeping them down. They screamed into nothingness, thrashing and trying to free themself as the outline of a familiar face appeared in front of them.
Belos.
“Oh yes, I think you’ll prove to be quite useful.”
Those were the last words they heard before the goop rose, slowly enveloping them as he stood over them, those horrid blue eyes burning into theirs.
Then everything went dark.
~~~
Raine awoke with a strangled gasp, sitting up abruptly and haphazardly shoving their blankets onto the floor. The room was dark, far too dark; they shakily whistled to light the candles on their bedside table, a small feeling of relief flooding through them when they did so successfully. They shifted to lean their head against the headboard, bringing their knees up to their chest and folding their arms on top of them. One of their fingers started tapping a frantic rhythm against their elbow; they focused on it as they tried to breathe.
For a few minutes, their breathing came shakily, inhales catching in their throat and exhales lacking proper air, but after what felt like an eternity of sitting there they finally felt themself calming down. The tapping of their finger had gradually slowed to something more consistent, and they felt like they could bring their knees away from their chest without going into another spiral. They’d gotten better at being able to judge that since the nightmares started.
They knew they should talk to someone; hell, if anyone else was in their position, they would have been forcefully picking them up and shoving them into a support group… but they couldn’t bring themself to say anything. It had been two months since the Collector had been stopped and life had returned to some semblance of normal, and they’d been having these Titan-forsaken nightmares ever since a week after they’d broken free of both his and Belos’s control.
They’d meant to say something. In fact, that first night of nightmares they’d been so shaken they’d gone immediately to the Owl House in the middle of the night to talk to Eda, but when they’d arrived they’d found her crying in her nest, suffering from terrors of her own. Raine had stayed there for a few days while everyone regrouped, and it seemed neither of their night terrors had begun until everything had settled. They hadn’t wanted to- no, couldn’t burden her any more, so they’d excused their presence as wanting to check on her and spent the night comforting her instead.
There wasn’t really anyone else Raine would have trusted confiding to. They’d considered Darius, but the man was preoccupied with working out the new dynamic between him and Hunter. Lilith was around, but Raine had never been as close with her as they were with Eda, and they doubted she would keep their fears a secret from Edalyn for long. Camilla was sweet, but Raine had only just met her, and she seemed to have her hands full adjusting to the demon realm as it was. With the only other they were consistently around being the kids, who were definitely not an option – and Hooty, which… no – their options quickly came up short.
So here they were, two months back into this new normalcy, sitting in their dim room after yet another night of restlessness. Heaving a sigh, Raine knew they wouldn’t be getting back to sleep tonight, so they took a few more moments to breathe before pushing themself out of bed and onto their feet. As they rose, they caught a glimpse of themself in the mirror next to their closet, wincing slightly as their eyes immediately darted to the scars lining their face and ear.
Eda had told them the scars were ‘symbols of strength and perseverance’ or something, they couldn’t remember her exact words, but all they could see when they looked in the mirror was…
They tore their eyes away from the mirror, staring at the wall next to them, then at their desk. Walking over, they picked up the to-do list they’d written yesterday. They’d taken to writing down whatever their plans were the night before just in case of any… memory mishaps. Terra wasn’t all that present around the Isles these days, but well, it never hurt to be cautious. And if they kept a small journal under their pillow with information on Eda, the rebellion, and anything else they deemed important, then they were just being thorough. It wasn’t excessive, just thorough.
Raine sighed, shaking their head. Their thoughts had gotten away from them again. Eyes scanning over their list for today, plans they’d already committed to memory, they walked out of the room to start making breakfast.
Might as well get the day started.
~~~
They’d told Eda they’d stop by the Owl House with some elixir ingredients that day – her and Lilith had been making their own elixir ever since Lilith perfected the recipe – so around noon they flew over. When they arrived, an assortment of ingredients in their arms, they were immediately greeted by Luz and Willow in front of the house. Luz saw them first, a large smile crossing her face as she waved them over.
They’d gotten to know Luz better over the past two months since Luz insisted on being involved in as much of the reconstruction process as possible. With Eda being wrapped up helping the Isles’ schools reform their curriculums, Raine had ended up at the head of reconstruction efforts aside Lilith, Darius, and Eberwolf. While Eda had tried to give Luz a way to help with the curriculum, it was pretty hard for her to pitch in without knowing half of it, so Raine had offered to let Luz shadow them instead.
“Raine! C’mere, you’ve gotta see what Willow learned in class!” They tried to wave back, but the ingredients in their arms shifted, forcing them to quickly re-adjust to avoid dropping any of them. Luz, seemingly realizing their predicament, immediately rushed over and started taking things from them. “Here, let me help!”
“Luz, it’s fine, I can-”
“Raine!” Another voice piped up, and Raine immediately perked up upon hearing it. Eda stood in the doorway of the house, waving with her good arm. Alador had promised to make her some sort of prosthetic for the missing one, but hadn’t quite perfected it yet. Regardless, she looked just as good as ever, chuckling as Luz used Raine’s momentary distraction as an opportunity and practically manhandled the ingredients out of Raine’s arms, scurrying away to put them in the house. Raine sighed.
“I could have done that.” They protested, albeit halfheartedly. Eda snorted, walking over and pressing a kiss to their forehead. Despite the fact that they’d already been dating again for a month now, Raine still felt their face heat up.
“I don’t doubt it, Rainestorm. Luz just gets excited, you know that.” Eda turned and slung her arm over their shoulders, both of them watching as Luz ran back out of the house, supposedly having put everything away, and came to a stop next to Willow. Raine watched the two out of curiosity since Luz had mentioned showing them something before. Luz whispered something into her friend’s ear, and Willow glanced over her shoulder at them before smiling and nodding.
Willow knelt down and put her hand against the ground; after a moment green magic spilled out in veins into the soil. Suddenly, vines sprung up from the ground, twirling together in front of her and creating a form in front of the teens. Raine felt their breath catch involuntarily, mind jumping to unpleasant memories, but they quickly shrugged it off. After a moment, the vines stopped sprouting, and they were left staring at the form they had created.
It was a little off, but it was quite clearly a plant-like imitation of them. Willow stepped forward and put her glasses on to the bridge of vine-Raine’s nose, then turned around and smiled.
“Ta-da~” She grinned, taking a bow. Raine let out a chuckle, lifting their hands to give some light applause as Willow turned around to take her glasses back. The vines then descended back into the ground, and Raine felt some tension ease in their shoulders that they hadn’t even realized was there.
“You’re quite the show woman, Willow.” Willow beamed at their praise, and they felt their chest lighten. As the two teenagers started off on another tangent, Raine could feel Eda looking at them. They glanced over at her, and saw a worried expression on her face; she tilted her head in the direction of the girls and raised an eyebrow, asking a question. They knew what she was asking without even having to think about it, and they just shook their head, flashing her a smile they hoped looked reassuring.
It was fine. They were fine. It was just a few vines.
They were just overreacting again.
~~~
Between the day’s reconstruction efforts and their lack of sleep, Raine was far too exhausted to make the flight back to their house for dinnertime. Luckily, Eda didn’t give them a chance to try and be stubborn about it, all but dragging them back to the Owl House to eat with her and the kids – ‘kids’ meaning King and Luz, the others having run off to their own homes for the time being. As Eda got everything ready in the kitchen, Raine, despite their protests that they could help , ended up on the couch listening to King and Luz excitedly chatter about something called a ‘sleepover.’
Apparently, it was some sort of human activity where they went and slept at their friends house. It sounded similar to a moonlight conjuring, though Raine didn’t really see the point without the conjuring. Regardless, apparently King and Luz were having one of these ‘sleepovers’ at the Blight’s house tonight and were now asking Raine’s opinion on what color nail polish would look best on King.
At least, that’s what they thought was being discussed. Honestly, they’d counted five changes in the conversation topic in the past two minutes. They didn’t understand how Eda managed to keep up.
“Soooo?” Luz looked at them expectantly, holding two bottles of nail polish up. “Pink or purple? Or I might have black somewhere, but that would blend in too much with his fur.”
“Uh,” Raine felt themself freezing up, nervously smiling. They didn’t like being put on the spot like this. “Why not… both?”
“Both?” Luz echoed, raising an eyebrow before looking back at King, who seemed indifferent on the matter. The pensive silence that followed made Raine want to sink into the cushions and never emerge again, but after a moment Luz let out a squeal of glee, scooping King into her arms and spinning around. “Both! Raine, you’re a genius. King, you’re gonna look fabulous!”
“Luz, put me down!” King whined, trying to wiggle out of her arms to no avail.
“Dinner is served!” The two wrestling children both froze as Eda appeared in the doorway, somehow balancing four plates with one arm. Well, three plates on one arm, one was on her head. Raine let out a huff of laughter at the sight, the two children scrambling to take their plates from her before she set the other two down on the coffee table, slumping onto the couch next to Raine. Raine smiled at her before leaning forward, grabbing the plate of food and the tea that Eda had set in front of them. How she’d managed not to drop any of this, they’d never know.
“No food for Hooty?” Raine quipped, earning a snicker from Eda.
“He survives solely off of bugs and boiling rain. I’m not sure actual food would work with his digestive system.” They rolled their eyes, though spared a glance at the front door anyway, part of them anticipating the bird-worm demon to be summoned upon being mentioned, but fortunately the door stayed shut. Turning their attention back to the food, they took a few bites before going to take a drink.
Almost instinctively, they whistled into the mug before even taking a sip. They didn’t even realize until Eda lightly elbowed them in the side after they set the drink back down.
“Do you not like green-leaf tea anymore?” She looked confused, which only confused them.
“What? Of course I still like it.” They’d been drinking the same kind of tea since they were a kid, Eda knew that. Why would they suddenly grow out of that now?
“Then why’d you change the flavor?” Raine blinked, then furrowed their brow. Reaching back towards the mug, they took another sip. No, it still tasted the same. What was Eda on about?
“I didn’t.”
“Raine, I saw you whistle. What were you doing, then?” Raine could only stare at her for a moment before realization struck them, eyes widening minutely. Damn Terra. Their chest suddenly felt like it was being constricted, but they forced themself to breathe evenly – Eda would notice something was off if they didn’t, she was too close. They couldn’t let her find out. Despite their inner peril, they managed to scoff.
“Eda, the tea was hot. I wasn’t about to burn my tongue.” Their voice didn’t shake, thank Titan, but from the look on Eda’s face they could tell they weren’t entirely convincing either. Even so, after a moment Eda turned her head so that she could rest it on their shoulder, and the constricting feeling in their chest loosened slightly.
“I’ll take your word for it, Rainestorm. But if something’s wrong, you know you can tell me.” By now, Luz and King had hastily eaten their food and rushed out of the room to pack for that night, leaving Eda and Raine alone in the room; titan did Raine want to just fold right then. Their hand shook slightly as they set the mug back down on the table, and they knew Eda saw it based on how she reached out with her hand to grab theirs, giving it a gentle squeeze.
They wanted to squeeze her hand back like a lifeline, wanted to wrap their arms around her and sob into her shoulder and tell her about everything they saw at night, everything they’d been through; before they could, they heard the sounds of Luz and King barreling down the stairs. It was enough to snap them out of those thoughts, taking a shockingly clear breath as the two came into view. Clearing their throat, they managed a mask of a smile.
“Don’t get up to too much trouble, you two.” They could feel Eda’s worried glare on the side of their face, but stubbornly ignored it. “You’ll have to tell me more about this ‘sleepover’ when I next see you.”
“Will do, Raine!” Luz beamed, then seemed to notice the look on Eda’s face, glancing between the two. Raine wanted to curse – they loved the girl, but she was far too perceptive. “Uh, is everything ok?”
Eda opened her mouth to speak, probably to brush off Luz’s worry, but Raine panicked, standing up far too quickly and letting out an awkward laugh. They cringed internally; the terrible actor thing must carry over to terrible improvisation.
“Oh, I was just on my way out, actually. You know how Eda gets when I leave.” As expected, playing to Luz’s obsession over their relationship worked wonders. The girl cooed as King groaned, trying to drag her out of the house.
“C’mon, Luz! Enough of their lovey-dovey stuff!”
“Awwwww! It’s ok, Eda! I’m sure they’ll be back tomorrow.” Luz tried consoling, and Raine didn’t have the willpower to turn around and face whatever expression Eda must be making by now. They were practically screaming to her that something was up with them at this point; guilt pooled in their stomach. Eda had enough to worry about without them being so blatantly obvious like this.
“Yup! Tomorrow afternoon to grab you, Luz, assuming you’re back by then.” As they spoke, they quickly slipped by the children to the door. “And I’ll enjoy hearing all about what you get up to tonight-”
“Well, Rainestorm,” Raine tried not to be obvious about how Eda’s voice made them freeze up. Nervously, they glanced over their shoulder, ready to be met with some mixture of disappointment, concern, and frustration, but instead Eda was… smiling? “If you’re so interested in Luz telling you all about her ‘sleepover’, why don’t we have one tonight too? She’s told me all about them, after all.”
There was a dangerous glint in Eda’s eyes, one that made Raine want to turn back around and bolt out of the house. They knew what she was up to – Eda had always been a better actor than they had, after all. It didn’t help that Luz seemed even more excited at the prospect of Eda and Raine having a sleepover, practically bouncing off the walls.
“Oh. My. GOD!” She exclaimed, resulting in another groan of protest from King, who was now half-dragging her out the door. “Yes, Eda, that's an amazing idea! Raine, you’ll love it, I promise! Then we can trade stories in the morning! And- and-”
“Can we just
go
already?” King complained, and Luz finally shifted her attention to him, chuckling.
“Ok, ok, sorry, King.” She smirked, fully stepping out the door. As they walked off, she took one last glance over her shoulder, making eye-contact with Raine. “Have fun, you two!”
Then the door swung shut. Raine stared at the slightly-worn wood for a moment before taking a breath, slowly turning their head to look towards Eda. She had a carefully neutral expression on her face, seemingly waiting for them to make the first move, which didn’t help their already increasing heart rate. Not knowing what to do, they just stood there, the two of them having a staring contest of sorts before Raine turned their head away, eyes falling to the floor. Eda sighed, and they winced.
“Raine-”
“I know.” They mumbled, Eda falling silent again. “I know, I just…” They made an incoherent gesture with their hands, opening and closing their mouth as they searched for words, but nothing was working. Frustrated, they let out a grunt instead, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of their nose, feeling the phantom pains of a headache. Their eyes slipped closed, and exhaustion flooded over them – Titan, they were tired. “I’m just tired.”
They barely processed the words leaving their lips, not even sure they’d actually said it until they heard footsteps hesitantly approaching, followed by the weight of a hand on their shoulder. Reluctantly, they let the hand fall from their face, eyes squinting open and meeting Eda’s. They waited, not entirely sure of what she would say or even what they wanted her to say, but she said nothing at all.
Eda’s hand slipped down, trailing down Raine’s arm until she could twine their fingers together. Raine stared at their intertwined hands, uncertain, before Eda started walking towards the hallway, then the stairs, silently pulling them along. They opened their mouth to ask what she was doing, but nothing came out, the words feeling trapped in their throat. Eda guided them up the stairs and into her room before Raine finally managed to squeak out a questioning noise, but even that took more energy than it should have.
“You said you’re tired, right?” Eda finally said something, turning around both to face them and shut the door. Raine tried to say ‘yes,’ but only ended up huffing in frustration again as it refused to come out. This had happened before; sometimes in moments of high stress or intense negative emotions, speaking just became… difficult. Eda seemed to realize what was going on too, and when Raine stubbornly tried to force the word out again, she stopped them. “Raine, don’t. That’s just going to make it worse, you know that.”
Raine could only level her with a blank stare. Eda matched it by raising her eyebrow, leading them with their still intertwined hands into her nest. Raine couldn’t bring themself to protest, flopping down next to her as she shifted to be able to face them. Carefully, she pulled her hand away, Raine missing the contact for a moment before realizing Eda was slipping her arm around their waist, pulling them closer to her. They immediately shifted to better slot against her, legs tangling together and their arm snaking across her chest.
“Remember our old system?” They felt a small warmth rise in their chest. Back when Eda had first found out about their ‘silent episodes’ as they’d dubbed them, she’d insisted on having a way for Raine to answer things apart from just nodding or shaking their head. After a few days, Eda had presented them with what she’d dubbed ‘the tap-tap system.’ She’d made it sound overly complex and extravagant, but boiled down it was quite simple: One tap for no, two taps for yes, three taps for maybe, and four taps for ‘Eda, just leave me alone.’
Through it all, they’d never had to use the last one.
And so, they returned Eda’s question by tapping her twice on the back.
“Alright, good.” Eda moved her hand up and down Raine’s back, the motion soothing. “So I’ll ask again: you said you’re tired, right?”
Two taps.
“Then we’re going to sleep. Seems pretty straightforward to me.” She said the last part teasingly, and Raine felt a small smile playing at their lips. As if on cue, a yawn wracked their body, Eda chuckling as they pressed closer to her. “Yup, definitely sleepy.”
Raine, having no other way to retaliate, lightly jabbed at her with their fist. Eda let out an over dramatic gasp, lightly smacking them as best she could before dissolving into light snickers. After a while, silence filled the room, and Raine felt themself slowly lose their inner battle to stay awake. Just as they were about to nod off, they heard Eda’s voice asking a hesitant question.
“...are you just tired, Rainestorm?” The ‘ or is there something else ’ lingered in the air, but Eda must have known they wouldn’t be able to answer that with just yes or no. They thought for a moment, knowing Eda wouldn’t question them if they just answered ‘yes’ and moved on, going back to masking the building dread inside of them until their eventual collapse. They wouldn’t have to worry her anymore. Or they could just pretend to already be asleep and not answer at all – the longer they let the silence stretch on, the more appealing that option seemed.
And yet, as they lay here in her embrace, they knew there was only one answer they could bring themself to give. A few minutes had gone by since Eda’s question when they finally willed their finger to move.
One tap. No.
They felt Eda stiffen for a moment; whether it was due to the shock from Raine being awake or their answer, they couldn’t be sure.
“You know I’m going to ask you about this in the morning.” Eda whispered, and despite it not quite being a question, Raine still replied.
Two taps.
Eda said nothing else, but Raine felt a kiss being pressed to their forehead. They let out a low hum, relaxing against her as they felt themself slipping away into unconsciousness.
~~~
The first thing they processed was that they couldn’t move. They strained against whatever was holding them in place, but their body didn’t move an inch. Confused, panicked, Raine looked around frantically, trying to figure out where they were. The room was almost pitch-black, save for some light peeking in through the cracked door.
Vines wrapped around their wrists, chest, ankles… everything. Raine tried to call out for help, but as soon as their mouth opened vines snaked up to gag them. All they could do was helplessly writhe against the plants, trying to break free before-
“Hello, sprout.” They looked up, petrified, as Terra entered the room, holding that damned tea in her right hand. She approached and they kept struggling, kept trying to get free, and finally the vines slipped away from their mouth – but it was for the wrong reason. “Aw, don’t worry, this’ll all be over soon.” Their mouth was yanked open against their own will. They tried to pull back but it was too late; the pink liquid spilled out of the goblet, hitting their tongue and-
It turned black. Terra disappeared from in front of them, replaced with an all-too familiar blue-eyed beast. Raine was on the floor of the former emperor’s throne room, watching as he lept towards the titan’s heart. Their violin lay on the ground in front of them, and they lunged for it, smashing it against the ground as hard as they could – it wasn’t enough.
Belos fused with the heart of the titan, the ground suddenly being infected with grayish goo, followed by bright blue eyes, each one staring at them. Their gazes surrounded them, and they swore they heard mocking laughter as they tried to hide from it all; they’d always hated an audience.
“Raine!” No. No, she couldn’t be here- Raine looked up, just barely able to lift their head from the goop restraining them, to see Eda mere feet in front of them. She was in her harpy form, taloned hands reaching for them as Belos’s goop snaked up her body. In mere seconds, Eda was enveloped in it, sinking into the ground.
“EDA!” They cried out, trying to reach for her, but to no avail. They heard Belos’s laughter echo in the chamber as tears streamed down their face.
“Poor Raine, you tried so hard, didn’t you?”
~~~
“-mmit, Rainestorm, wake up!” Raine felt a hand shaking them and sat up sharply, shoving whatever had been touching them as hard as they could. They scrambled backwards, only managing to take in shallow breaths as they tried to get their bearings. Someone was here, it was him, it had to be-
The room was too dark. They let out a whistle through habit, trying to light the candles that were usually in their room, but nothing happened. In a sheer panic, they tried again. And again. They weren’t getting enough air in to get anything more than a weak sound out every time, but they weren’t thinking rationally. The whistles weren’t working , where were their candles-
“-ainestorm. Raine, you’re going to pass out. C’mon, breathe-” They felt a hand on their shoulder and they flinched. Hard. The unexpected touch sent them reeling, trying to push themselves further into the wall they were braced against. “Shit, sorry. No touching, got it, but Rainestorm, you’ve gotta breathe.”
That voice. They knew that voice. Raine used almost all of their willpower to get themself to look in the direction of it and- Eda. There was Eda, safe. She was holding her hand up in the air, as if to make sure Raine could see where it was, and was now slightly over-dramatising her breathing. After staring at her for a few moments, still hyperventilating, Raine regained enough rationality to realize what she was doing. Stuttering on an inhale, Raine tried to follow her lead, but the first deep inhale resulted in a coughing fit, sending more tears rolling down their face. They hadn’t even realized they’d started crying.
“Hey, that’s it. Try again, stay with me.” Eda’s voice was grounding, and Raine wished they could somehow convey to her that they wanted her to keep talking, but it was all they could do to struggle against their heaving chest, slowly evening out their breathing until they felt less like they were drowning. They weren’t sure how long they sat there, but Eda kept her eyes on them the entire time as they watched her chest rise and fall, and eventually, once they felt like they had control again, they turned their head away from her and let their forehead fall onto their knees.
This was the exact opposite of what was supposed to happen. They should have known they’d have a nightmare tonight – they’d had one every night for the past two months, after all. Why had they let Eda talk them into sleeping there-
“Raine, I need you to look at me.” Raine didn’t want to. They wanted to curl up into their little ball of self-pity and waste away. Their entire body shook with silent sobs; they didn’t want Eda to see them like this. A minute passed, then two, they were pretty sure it got to five minutes before they heard Eda let out a soft sigh, then a sound like she was shifting around in the nest. “Rainestorm. Please?”
The amount of emotion in Eda’s words was what did it. Despite their better judgment, they lifted their head from their knees, leaning back to rest it on the wall before turning and looking over at Eda. The first thing they noticed were a few light glyphs hovering around them, illuminating the otherwise dim room. Eda had barely even moved from where she was, and despite the fact that having her eyes on them made them want to immediately go back to hiding their face, which was now definitely visible in the light, they kept their eyes on her.
“Can you speak?” Eda asked after a moment, and Raine let out a soft breath. Despite being pretty sure they already knew the answer, they opened their mouth to try anyway, but immediately recognized the tightness in their throat and the stiffness of their jaw. With no semblance of the stubbornness from before, they simply closed their mouth again before tapping their hand against their knee.
One tap.
Eda nodded, not looking surprised. Silence fell over the room again, Raine half-convinced that something was about to pop out from a crack in the wall and take her from them again, but nothing happened.
“Do you think you can stand?” Raine was a bit taken aback by the question, but judging from their experiences from other nightmares, they quickly tapped twice against their knee. Eda raised an eyebrow at the quick answer, but didn’t protest as Raine, albeit shakily, pushed themself to their feet using the wall behind them. It was a bit harder than usual since they typically just slid out of bed, but after a few seconds they were fairly stable on their feet. Eda stood as well, moving her hand towards them before she stopped halfway, quickly dropping it back to her side.
The sight of it made guilt pool in Raine’s stomach. They’d pushed her- no, shoved her away when she was only trying to help. They weren’t afraid of Eda, they’d been stupid to react that way-
“Stop that.” Raine’s eyes darted to Eda, caught off-guard. “Yeah, you. You’ve got ‘self-loathing’ written all over your face. Cut it out. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Raine didn’t have the words to make a retort, so all they could do was take their hand and slap it against their leg.
One tap. Well, slap, but it got the point across.
“No?” Eda clarified, and Raine responded with two more taps. “Wha- Raine, I didn’t ask anything, what are you saying-” Eda cut herself off, seemingly realizing what Raine had meant, and could only stare for a moment. “You… you’re saying you did do something wrong?”
Two taps. Eda frowned.
“Raine…” She trailed off, for once at a loss for words, before she shook her head. “Ok, this is a conversation for when you can actually have a conversation with me. For now-” She started walking towards the door, and some irrational part of Raine’s brain started panicking that she was leaving before she turned around and gestured for them to follow.
Stupid. Raine stumbled out of the nest and across the room, following Eda through the house until they reached the kitchen. Eda then grabbed two glasses and a bottle of apple-blood – the juice, not the alcohol, which was probably a smart idea – before ushering them into the living room. Once they were sitting on the couch, she poured both of them a glass, setting the rest to the side.
“Drink that, then we’ll figure out what to do from there. Do you think you can go back to sleep?” Raine tapped a quick ‘no’ before reaching out to grab the glass, which they were pretty sure only raised Eda’s concern. They tilted the glass, watching the liquid spin around in it for a bit. Out of the corner of their eye, they could tell Eda was watching them. She’d called them out about whistling into the tea earlier, if they did it again here she’d know it wasn’t because it was hot, but the thought of not whistling into it after seeing Terra in their dream-
They were going to have another panic attack if they didn’t. Knowing they were about to give Eda yet another reason to worry about them, they brought the drink up to their lips.
They whistled. The sound rang out in the otherwise silent room, and they felt that familiar constricting feeling in their chest when they glanced over to see Eda staring at them. She had to be putting some of the pieces together – at least, she probably would have been able to if they’d ever told her about what Terra had done. All Eda knew was that they’d been pretending to be brainwashed, of course she wouldn’t understand what that had to do with drinking of all things. With a shaky hand, they drank about half of the apple-blood in their glass before setting it back down on the table.
For a while, the two of them just sat there. Raine wasn’t entirely sure how long, but at some point they managed to completely finish their apple-blood and started staring at the wall across from them. Eda wasn’t saying anything, and they were pretty sure she was waiting on them to indicate they were ready to move on, but there was a numb feeling in their chest that they just couldn’t shake.
After what had to be at least an hour of this, Eda started talking. At first, the sudden noise startled them, but after realizing she wasn’t looking for a response, they quickly relaxed again. She was going on some meaningless rant about the kids, the background noise making the numbness in their chest slowly ebb away. It was something about Eda’s voice that always managed to bring them back to reality. When they felt like they could control their movements, they glanced over at her, realizing she wasn’t even looking at them anymore.
They smiled. It was faint, but they smiled.
She knew they always hated an audience.
Slowly, as if they were worried they’d break the peace that had settled over the room, they started shuffling across the couch to get closer to her. While they were sure she must have noticed, she gave no indication of it, which only knocked away some of the hesitation still worming its way into their head. After a bit of readjusting, they let their head fall to rest on her shoulder, reaching out to grab her hand and interlace their fingers just as Eda had mere hours ago. Once they had, Eda stopped talking, glancing down at them.
“Raine? You with me?”
“I’m sorry.” Their voice came out hoarse, whether from crying or coming out of a silent episode they couldn’t be sure. Logically, they knew they shouldn’t be apologizing, but they couldn’t help it.
“Nope. Try again.” Eda shot back, which was to be expected. Instead of arguing with her, Raine just let out a sound that was somewhere between another sob and a laugh. Eda just squeezed their hand in response, waiting. For a witch who was typically known to be an impatient rulebreaker, she sure was patient with them.
“I don’t know where to start.” They admitted, bringing their unoccupied hand up to try and wipe away the new wave of tears threatening to fall from their eyes.
“Alright, how about I say what I think is going on, and you tell me what I got wrong?” In lieu of a verbal response, Raine simply tapped twice against Eda’s palm. It was enough. “M’kay. I’m gonna be blunt about this, Rainestorm.”
“I’ve never known you not to be.”
“You’re not okay.” Raine went quiet as the words hung in the air, now staring intently at the coffee table. “You’re not okay, and you’re trying to convince me, and everyone else for that matter, that you are. Pretty hypocritical of you to do that; if this was anyone else trying to pull that shit you’d be telling them off for not confiding in someone. I’ve seen you do it with the kids, your whole ‘honesty is the path to healing’ spiel. Titan, you’ve given me that exact same speech! Multiple times, might I add.” Eda took a breath, probably to calm herself down from going into a rant, and Raine once again felt the familiar feeling of guilt simmering.
They were making her upset. If they hadn’t-
“Raine.” They blinked, looking up at Eda, who was now giving them a remorseful smile. “You’re making that face again.”
“What face?”
“The one you make when you’re blaming yourself for something.”
“Oh.” Raine wanted to deny it, but knew it wouldn’t do anything. Even all these years later, Eda sometimes knew them better than they knew themself. Instead, they let their eyes fall back to the floor, biting their lip as if that would do anything to shield their expression.
“What is it?” Not sure what she was asking, Raine hummed in confusion, but didn’t look up. “What’s going through your head, Rainestorm? Because whatever you’re telling yourself, it’s wrong.”
“But it isn’t. ” They shot back without thinking, a bit harsher than intended. They winced at their own tone. “Sorry-”
“I’m going to remove that word from your vocabulary if you say it again.” Raine shut their mouth. “Now, what is it?”
“I…” I didn’t want to bother you. The more they sat here thinking about it, the more pathetic that excuse seemed. Besides, here they were already bothering her with it, so what was the point? “It’s just…” You have your own shit to deal with, you don't need to deal with mine. No, too harsh, and that phrasing felt accusatory. “I’m…” I’m a coward. Damnit, that was just asking for pity.
Nothing felt right. They couldn’t get the words out. They could feel their breathing picking up again. Just say something.
“Raine-”
“I’ve been having nightmares for two months.” Their heart rate was picking up again, they didn’t care. They needed to tell her. “They’re never the same, but they’re all related. All about Belos or Terra or… you. You keep dying and I can’t- but then I wake up and it’s not real and I know it’s not real so it doesn’t matter and it’s all in my head but I can’t get it out of my head that you’re dead and- ”
“Raine, look at me.” They felt her hand pressing against their cheek; they hadn’t noticed she’d let go of their hand. Her fingers brushed away newly formed tears, lightly grazing over the scars that still lingered beneath their eyes. Gently, Eda guided their face so they were looking at her, and they brought a hand up to lightly lay over hers. “I’m right here. I’m alive. I’m real.”
That’s what did it.
Raine choked back a sob before finally relenting, flinging both of their arms around her and sobbing desperately into her shoulder. They felt Eda hesitate for a moment, likely out of shock, before shifting so she could better hold them with her one arm, readjusting until they were practically sitting in her lap. Distantly, their thoughts nagged at them for ruining her clothes with tears and bothering her with such trivial matters, but they shoved those thoughts away, holding onto Eda like a lifeline.
“I-” They tried to choke out a word, but Eda shushed them.
“I know. I know.” Her voice sounded watery now too. Her hand moved from their back to their head, pointed nails combing through their hair in the way she must have remembered they loved. It only made them cry harder now. “We’ll get through this, Rainestorm. Together. Promise.”
And when Eda promised something, they knew they could trust her not to break it.