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Maya is a Fey. She comes from a family of spirit mediums. The power to channel the deceased has been passed down from generation to generation and Maya has honed it. Or tried to. Growing up, Maya didn’t understand why she had to learn how to channel, but she did regardless. Mia had learned it, so Maya learned it too. She always followed in Mia’s steps, always shocked and impressed at how much bigger her shoes were. How Maya felt like she would never fill them. But today she understands why she channels.
Today, she needs to channel. And so, she remembers the steps.
Recede. Stay calm. Allow yourself to feel.
This is how you’ll find Mia.
Maya searches for her sister in her mind and at every turn, she's met with memories. Some are like knives, piercing through Maya’as heart, a sharp and intense pain that takes her by surprise. Some are low burns, lingering and aching long after Maya has let go of them. Others are blows to the stomach, taking Maya’s breath away entirely, knocking her down until she’s not sure she'll ever stand back up again.
Maya hears a voice that used to be so soothing and comforting but now only makes her heart ache. There are smells that take Maya by surprise and before she knows it she can’t catch her breath. She sees images, sceneries and she takes everything, every sensation, every feeling, every impression, all at once.
Nostalgia. Pain. Grief.
Nostalgia. Pain. Relief.
Mia taking her to the beach, Mia taking her out to eat burgers, Mia calling her right before morning meditation and her own morning classes, Mia holding her hand, Mia lifting the covers to let Maya join her in the middle of the night, Mia lecturing her, Mia sighing tiredly, Mia smiling softly, Mia…
Maya can't find her sister’s spirit, but she finds all these memories she has to let go of. Memories that hurt her and soothe her at the same time. Isn’t that crazy? The burn is real, so real as Maya presses her fingers harder into the channeling mudra. She feels herself breathing faster, she feels tears burning in her eyes. She needs to find Mia. She can’t fail. What is she supposed to do if Mia is gone forever?
As Maya’s mind wanders, she finds memories she’ll never get to make. Mia, Nick and herself, eating out. Maya visiting them at their office. Nick and Mia coming to Kurain on the train. Mia being in the room when Maya starts doing proper channelings. Mia being in the room when Maya becomes the Master. Mia being here. Mia…
What if Maya can never reach her?
Maya’s chase is desperate now. She’s running around in her mind, Mia’s name and face echoing all around her, trapping her, smothering her. Maya keeps reaching out, keeps trying to find that small thread to reel it in, but it’s locked away. She’s locked away. Maya has never felt so small, never felt so powerless. She’s knocked to the side, finds a wall, stumbles back to her feet, keeps running.
A muffled sound, far away. Is it her? Is it Mia?
Maya runs faster. She opens every mental door she sees, she bursts into every mental room she can, she turns everything upside down until she can’t tell where is up, where is down, what is real. Her hands are shaking. Her throat is closing. But this is her mind. Nothing is real. Maya isn’t real. Maya wishes this world was real. Because as long as she’s here, there is a chance. Here, there is a chance. There is one small chance…
A knock. Maya’s focus falters. There’s another knock. It’s not Mia. Maya can hear a waterfall… Kurain? No.
Maya’s eyes shoot open as she takes a sharp breath and spits out water.
It’s cold. The water keeps running, it feels heavy. The room is stuffy, the air scarce. The tiles are desperately white. It doesn’t take Maya half a second to remember.
She’s back to a world where Mia doesn’t exist anymore.
“Maya, we talked about this!” Nick says, knocking on the bathroom door. “My water bill!”
Maya’s trembling hand goes to cut the water and as Maya stares at her hand, she can’t believe it’s real. She can't believe she's back. Maya doesn’t know for how long Nick’s been knocking on the door, she doesn’t know for how long she’s been standing under the shower head as freezing water hosed down on her, but she can tell from how numb and exhausted she is that it’s been a while.
Never attempt channelings for too long. Maya knows the rules, but she hardly cares for them right now. She hardly cares for anything at all. Maya stands still for a few seconds, water dripping down her hair, her clothes, her face. As she looks up and meets her own gaze in the mirror, she wonders why she keeps doing this to herself. Every failed channeling takes Mia further away. Every failed channeling reminds Maya that Mia is gone, that it's forever, that there will never be more memories.
There’s another knock on the door, followed by a quiet voice, “Maya? Is everything okay?”
Maya takes a deep breath. She wipes the water from her face. She raises her head high. She's a Fey. She comes from a family of spirit mediums. The power to channel the deceased has been passed down from generation to generation and Maya will hone it. Because a Fey doesn’t give up. A Fey doesn’t give up.
Maya balls her trembling fists before letting them drop at her side.
Sometimes, she wishes she wasn’t a Fey.