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Ryan Wilder paced back and forth in the sterile hallway, her heart pounding in her chest, and her stomach twisting into knots. She glanced nervously at the clock, watching the minutes tick by agonizingly slow. She'd been awaiting the results. Her whole world seemed to revolve around the woman: her wife, Sophie Moore.
As a pediatric surgeon, she'd had a patient who'd done everything possible and after almost a year was still searching for a kidney. And on a night with threats of severe storms, Sophie had come upon an almost impossible chance for a toddler who was a match a state away. Organ transplants were time sensitive, and this baby wouldn't survive much longer without it. So, the team loaded up on the hospital's private plane, hoping they could outrun the storm. It would be tight, but they had to try.
Ryan was also a general surgeon at the same hospital. All their peers were trying to stay busy, and working in relative silence as they held their breaths awaiting news of the round trip. Initial prayers answered, they'd made it to the hospital holding the kidney, and were enroute back home when the storm finally fell. Sadly, those same prayers weren't enough to keep the small plane in the air against rapid, turbulent winds.
Then came the even more devastating news of Sophie's injury... The images of the crash site haunted her, and the thought of losing Sophie made her heart constrict with fear. Ryan couldn't help but remember their last conversation before the flight.
"Please, Sophie, don't go," Ryan had begged, her eyes filled with tears. "You know how much I get why you want to, but this doesn't feel right."
Sophie sighed, her eyes filled with conflict. "I don't want to, Ryan. I have to. It's my job, and that little girl and her family are depending on me. I know you're scared, but I'll be back before you know it. This flight is SO quick."
"My gut tells me you should stay. I know you want to save this baby, but how are you going to do that if you don't make it back?" Ryan had said, her voice cracking.
Sophie hugged Ryan tightly, kissing her forehead. "It's exactly for that reason I believe I'll be okay, because I have to be."
"Ryan," a gentle voice broke her train of thought. It was Dr. Mary Hamilton, a close friend of theirs, and the head of Cardio. "You should sit down. You're going to wear a hole in the floor."
Ryan looked at her, her eyes red and puffy. "I can't, Mary. I can't lose her..."
Mary moved closer, placing a comforting hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Sophie's strong. She'll make it through this."
The doors to Sophie's room swung open, and Dr. Luke Fox stepped out, his expression unreadable. Ryan's heart skipped a beat as she approached him.
"Luke, how is she?" Ryan asked, her voice shaking.
"She's stable, for now. But there's something we need to discuss." Dr. Fox glanced at Ryan, then at Mary. "Sophie's back is severely injured. She's going to need surgery. If we don't release the pressure in her spine, it could impact her ability to walk, and maybe even cause damage to her brain. But it's also a high risk surgery."
Ryan's breath caught in her throat, her worst fears coming true. "I can't imagine a life she's not in. Dammit."
Dr. Fox hesitated. "We all know Sophie's not going to be interested in one where she can't walk, and we need to act fast if we're going to."
Ryan closed her eyes, trying to steady herself. "Can I see her?"
"Of course," Dr. Fox said.
As Ryan entered, she saw Sophie lying in the bed, her neck in a brace to limit her movement. Her face was pale, and her eyes were glassy, but she managed a weak smile when she saw Ryan.
"Hey," Sophie whispered.
"Hey," Ryan choked out, sitting down beside her. "How are you feeling?"
"I've been better," Sophie replied with a faint laugh.
Ryan's eyes filled with tears as she took Sophie's hand. "Sophie, they're saying you need surgery."
Sophie squeezed her hand, her eyes filled with determination. "I know you're scared, Ryan. So am I, and I know I keep asking you to have faith, but I trust Luke…He's not going to let anything happen to me."
Ryan's voice is small, and flat when she says, "you know as well as I do, we can't always control what happens on that table."
"And you know we have the very best surgeons, and who's on the table and what they're fighting for matters as much as anything. I'm fighting for our future."
Ryan couldn't hold back her frustration anymore. Where was this concern for their future before? "I begged you not to get on that plane, Sophie."
Sophie's eyes flashed with a mix of hurt and anger. "I didn't want this to happen, Ryan! But my life isn't the only one that matters! And by some miracle, that kidney made it through the storm. So, clearly I was meant to go."
Ryan's voice quivered. "Can you put yourself in my shoes for one moment and imagine hearing my plane fell out of the air? And now I have to pray you don't die again?"
Sophie's voice softened, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Look, you're right. I'd have been out of my mind, and no part of me wants to be you right now. But if I were, I'd also know just like you do that I had to go, and there's no real alternative now either. These aren't actual choices I'm making, baby. And there's no universe where I don't want to survive and be with you. I'm going to give absolutely everything I can to live a long and full life with you. You've got to trust that, if nothing else. This is just something we have to get through, and I could really use my wife's faith and support right now." Her voice finally breaks as the tears start streaming with her own plea. "I need you, Ryan."
A nurse knocks on the door before entering. "I'm sorry, but the OR is ready, and we need to take Sophie, now."
Ryan's heart races, panic setting in. The nurse's words bring reality crashing down on her, and she suddenly feels a wave of guilt. She realizes she let her own fears and frustrations get in the way of taking care of Sophie in her time of need.
She places her hands on either side of her wife's face and looks steadily in her eyes. "First, I'm sorry. You're right about everything. You deserve better than what I'm letting my fears do to us right now. And I absolutely trust you to fight. You've never broken a promise to me, and you promised me way more years than this, plus a scuba diving trip. So you definitely need your legs for that. I love you, and I'm so proud of you for how you take care of all of those babies. Let's get you fixed up so you can do what you're amazing at."
Sophie cries harder, relinquishing everything she'd been keeping together for Ryan. Then she takes a deep breath to pull it together. She knows this can't be the last image Ryan has of her before she's rolled away. She reminds them both, "we've got this."
And Ryan agrees emphatically, "Damn right we do."
As Sophie is wheeled away, Ryan is left in the empty room, her heart heavy. She wishes she had more time to apologize better and reassure Sophie. She hates that she spent what little time they had letting her r emotions take over. Ryan promises herself that when Sophie returns, she's going to be the wife she needs right now. Sophie's taken care of Ryan for so long. It's Ryan's turn to show up.
With a deep breath, Ryan returns to the waiting area. She's still filled with worry and guilt, but also determination. As the minutes tick by, it sets in that this was just the beginning of a long journey of healing. And as she waited, she started to understand that being a partner was about standing by each other, even in the darkest times, especially when life threatened to tear them apart. So she had to believe with everything that the story of Ryan and Sophie was far from over, and this was just a page in a chapter still being written.