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Milo sits in his bed. His new bed. It’s soft, the sheets white and plain. No D is emblazoned on the blanket.
This room has three beds, crammed in next to each other like sardines. Melissa has forgone those to sleep in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair next to his bed, holding his hand even in her sleep. The D on her Dooferalls is crossed out, and that makes him nervous.
It feels like his hand is tingling, an overwhelming feeling from such a light touch. He doesn’t want to let go, ever. He needs to keep holding onto her. But he knows how it goes, after the last couple of years. She will have to let go, and he will have to stifle his disappointment so he won’t upset her. And then he’ll probably find a way to upset her anyway.
The room isn’t silent, noises leak in through the window. He lies there quietly, listening to the noises. He usually only gets the hear the noises of the city when he is being transported to a location to use the Murphy Weapon. He flinches. He isn’t sure that he can face anyone aside from Melissa. Everyone must know how many people he killed.
He hears groaning, and movement from the chair. “Mhm… oh!” Melissa’s eyes fly open to see him. He winces. Why did he wince? “Morning, Milo.”
“Morning, Melissa.” Melissa gets up, letting go of his hand in the process. He pulls his hand close to his body, wondering why it feels so cold. It can’t be normal for touch to feel so overwhelming, for its absence to feel so bad.
She opens a cardboard box underneath the bed. “I’ve got spare clothes… uh, try these.” She holds up a baggy looking white t-shirt, and a pair of Dooferalls. Milo takes them. Then his heart sinks. The D on the Dooferalls is crossed out.
Once all of his Dooferalls were like that. Once he was brave and rebellious and hated Doofenshmirtz. But now? He still hates Doofenshmirtz, but he can’t be brave. And he can’t rebel. He knows too well the consequences of that.
Melissa notices him staring, his shaking hands, his pale face. “Is there something wrong with it? If you don’t like the texture, we can find something else.”
“It’s not that.” He mumbles, dropping the overalls like they were burning his hands. “The D. Its crossed out.”
“I know.” She’s confused. She remembers his bravery, his resilience, she doesn’t expect him to be so frightened of being punished for not being respectful enough. But he is so frightened.
Milo takes a deep breath. He isn’t very good at talking, sometimes he thinks that he means something but what he actually says really upsets Vanessa. But he can try to be clear. “The D is crossed out, and that’s scary.” He says. “I don’t wanna get in trouble. Do you have anything without a cross? I’m sorry, it’s my fault, not yours.”
“Hey.” Melissa touches his shoulder. He shivers, leaning into the brief contact before it is removed. “Not your fault. Zack’s ones might be a little big, but he has a couple without a cross. Is that ok?”
Milo nods. “Thank you. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologise for.” Melissa looks sad. Milo flinches, drawing in on himself. He didn’t mean to upset her. Why does he always upset the people that care about him?
Milo goes to change, then comes back. “Do you wanna go meet everyone else?” She offers, squeezing his hand. He leans closer to her, desperate for more touch but knowing that he can’t ask. “It’s just Zack, Cavendish and Dakota. They’re all really nice, and I trust them.”
“Ok.” Milo lets her lead him down a short corridor, hand in hand. He clutches her, nervous. What if these other rebels are mad at him for the Murphy Weapon? What if he says the wrong thing and upsets them? He’s so bad at saying the right things.
Melissa pushes open a door. Milo stares at the three people in the room.
He has seen Zack, once. Zack is somewhere around his age, with a nice smile and Dooferalls with the D crossed out. The taller man is wearing dark green, so dark that it is nearly black, and grey. The shorter is wearing black, and his eyes are hidden behind goggles with dark lenses.
Everyone is looking at Milo. They all look sympathetic. Pitying.
“Hi.” Milo manages, forcing the words out. He tries a smile, which he thinks looks alright. Zack offers him a hand. Milo stares at his hand for one second, two seconds, three seconds. Then he remembers. He slowly reaches out to take Zack’s hand. He shivers, his palm tingling where they touch, tingling that spreads through his hand and up his arm.
Zack shakes his hand, and then lets go. Milo pulls his hand close to his chest, feeling cold and wishing that he could still cling to Zack. But also scared. Zack is a stranger, and he hasn’t met anyone new in so long. “Nice to meet you.” Zack smiles.
“Nice to meet you.” Milo copies what Zack says, hoping that it’s the right thing to say. Zack doesn’t stop smiling, and Milo sighs with relief. He can do this. He can do this.
The tallest one stands up next, offering his hand. Milo takes it, shakes it, and lets go. “Balthazar Cavendish. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Milo. We’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Oh.” Milo isn’t sure what to say. He can’t repeat that, because all he’s heard about Cavendish is that he’s trustworthy, which isn’t really a lot. “Nice to meet you.” He repeats again, which seems to work. And then Dakota shakes his hand, and this time Milo speaks first. “Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too, kid.” Dakota lets go, and Milo sighs a bit with relief. He managed to get through introductions without upsetting anyone or making a fool of himself, which he thinks is quite impressive after spending years only speaking to one person.
But after that he isn’t really sure what to say. He stands there, feeling like a sore thumb, hugging himself tightly. He’s not used to people being around all of the time. Vanessa was kind, but she couldn’t be there a lot. So he spent a lot of time alone. He hated it, but he got used to it. And now there are people, and he doesn’t know what they expect, what they want.
Melissa offers him her hand. He takes it gratefully, relaxing a little when she squeezes. He trusts Melissa.
Melissa guides him to sit down, on patchy couch that creaks loudly when he sits on it. Dakota leaves through a small door. Milo pulls his knees up to his chest and makes himself small. Melissa is still holding his hand, still rubbing her thumb in a soothing circle.
He eventually feels brave enough to ask a question. “D’you know if Nessa is ok?”
Melissa blinks. “Who’s Nessa?”
Vanessa has been his whole world for so long, it’s hard to imagine anyone not knowing about her. But he supposes that Melissa wouldn’t know her by her nickname. “Vanessa Doofenshmirtz.” He says. He sees Melissa’s eyes widen, flair with an anger that makes him shrink back. “I’m sorry!” He squeaks, pressing back into the sofa. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Whoa. Hey.” Melissa squeezes his hand, deliberately softening her expression. “I’m not upset or angry at you, ok? I’m sorry for scaring you.” She takes his other hand. “Do you wanna keep explaining? I promise that I won’t get mad.”
“Ok.” Milo clings to her warm, calloused hands. “I’m sorry for overreacting.”
“You don’t need to apologise, Milo. You’ve been through hell.” Melissa sighs, looking sad and worried and still angry, all at once. Milo winces. But he tries to trust her promise, and continues.
“Vanessa looks after me. She’s so nice to me, she’s the only one who’s ever nice to me.” Tears burn in his eyes and he curls up even tighter. “Everyone else just yells and hurts me, but Nessa looks after me. She’s my friend, and they’re gonna punish her for me escaping.
“Vanessa Doofenshmirtz was… nice to you?” Melissa looks disbelieving. “Ok, I’ll… I’ll sort it. We’ll make sure that she’s safe.”
“Thank you.” Milo takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. He’s safe now. But Vanessa? He doesn’t know if she’s safe. “Every time I tried to escape she got upset, because she knew that she would be punished if I got out. I’m worried about her…”
“She’ll be ok.” Melissa squeezes his hands. “Worry about yourself for now. How are you feeling?”
“I…” Milo hesitates. “I’m…”
He jumps when the door opens, and Dakota comes back in. “Ok, I’ve go-“ Dakota is cut off when the metal strip between rooms pops up, tripping him. He falls forward, and one of the bowls in his hand crashes into the wall, splattering it with steaming hot liquid. Melissa sees the other going right towards a frozen Milo, and uses her stick to knock into the floor before it can hit him.
Milo’s hands come up to cover his mouth. He sees Dakota rubbing a forming bruise on his face, Cavendish scowling at the mess, Melissa and Zack looking worried by the danger. And he knows that Melissa doesn’t care about Murphy’s Law, but these other people?
He can’t move, can’t breathe. He just sits there, frozen, waiting. He is trembling like a leaf, his breaths come short and fast, but he can’t run. Running always makes it worse. He’s just gotta sit there and take the punishment, like a good kid, and then he gets comfort and praise. But that never makes up for how much it hurts.
“Milo?” Melissa reaches for him and he flinches roughly, making a panicked sort of wheezing sound. She yanks her hand back like she burned it. “Whoa, hey. You’re here, you’re safe. You’re here with me. I promise that you’re safe.”
Are there tears in her eyes? No, no, no, he can’t upset her! He opens his mouth to reassure her, but he can’t speak, it’s like there is a blocker in his throat. All that he can get out is a terrified, choked up “Please-“ before it closes up entirely and all he can do is wheeze and sob.
Melissa crouches down next to the couch, looking up at him with a pained expression. He hears a footsteps on his other side and whimpers, ducking his head down to press it against his knees. He is so sure that he is about to be hurt. All he can hope is that Melissa leaves, that she doesn’t have to see it.
“Step back, you’re scaring him.” Melissa hisses, then speaks softly to Milo. “Hey, buddy, it’s ok. You’re safe here, no one is going to hurt you. I promise.”
He tries to reply, to tell her that he’s ok, to not put herself in harm’s way to protect him, but the noise that he makes is a broken, terrified whine. Melissa takes a deep breath, tears beading in her eyes. “Ok, they’re gonna go. They’re gonna go through the house for now, so it’ll just be me and you.”
Milo hears footsteps. Footsteps walking away from him, and the shutting of a door. “Ok, they’re gone. It’s just me, Milo. Can you try to breathe with me? Breathe in for one, two, three, four… hold, two, three, four… out, two, three, four… yeah, just like that. You’re doing really well.” Despite his terror, the praise still feels so good. “Just keep doing that, in, two, three, four…”
Melissa helps him breathe for a while, encouraging him gently and reassuring him. Finally, he is able to breathe mostly normally. “Thanks.” He mumbles, tucking himself back and wiping his eyes. He wraps his arms around himself, glancing back at the closed door.
“Do you want me to sit next to you?” Melissa offers. He nods timidly, so she sits down next to him. “Milo, I promise that they won’t hurt you. They never, ever would. And if they ever did, I would kill them.”
Milo blinks at her. “Why?” He regrets asking when a tear runs down her face. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude.”
“No, hey, don’t worry. I’m not crying because you’re rude. I’m just feeling sad, but that’s not your fault.” Melissa wipes her face. “They won’t hurt you because that would be wrong. And because they don’t want to. You haven’t done anything wrong, right?”
“That never stopped anyone before.” He mumbles.
“I know.” Melissa soothes. “They were horrible. No one is ever gonna treat you like that again, I promise. I won’t let them.”
“Ok.” Milo breathes. He has trouble believing that, but he trusts Melissa. So he can try to trust her on that. Try to trust that he won’t be hurt.
“Do you want me to hug you?” Melissa offers. Milo nods, so she carefully leans forward and puts her arms around him. He nestles against her, shivering at the almost overwhelming feeling that washes over him. He clings, burying his face in her shoulder. And she holds him, rubbing his back and rocking him back and forth.
“I’m glad that you’re not dead.” He murmurs.
“Hm?”
“Vanessa told me that you were all dead, she even specified you. I guess she was wrong.” Milo says.
He feels Melissa tense a little. “She told you that?”
“Yeah, but she didn’t mean to lie. She was just trying to help me, because no one else was telling me anything. I was left alone for weeks before she was able to talk to me. And she wasn’t able to visit me much, so I was alone so much.” He presses closer to her, soaking up the contact. “It’s nice to be around people, and to get touched.”
“Milo, did Vanessa ever hurt you?” Melissa sounds very serious.
“What? No!” Milo exclaims. “Vanessa’s my friend. She hates it when they hurt me, but she can’t stop them, they never listen to her. She wasn’t even allowed to treat my injuries. But she comforts me and hugs me.”
Melissa hesitates. “Milo… ok.” She still sounds disbelieving, despite her acceptance. Milo doesn’t understand. Vanessa is his friend! She’s so nice. So caring.
But for now Melissa is holding him, and rubbing his back, so he closes his eyes and relaxes against her.
———
“I don’t trust it.” Melissa scowls. It’s only early evening, but Milo has gone to bed. She hopes that he is beginning to get more comfortable around her friends, but she understands why he would be so scared. He has been through hell, and treated horribly. And she doesn’t trust that his ‘friend’ was truly kind. “The emperor’s daughter was kind to him? But she couldn’t stop anyone from hurting him, and she doesn’t have any control? Bullshit. I don’t believe that for a second.”
“It doesn’t add up.” Zack agrees, holding onto her shoulder. “But we’ll investigate.”
Melissa sits down heavily. “He’s so hurt, Zack. He’s terrified. And he’s so guilty, he blames himself for what they did. I’m gonna kill everyone who hurt him, I swear.”
“I’ll help.” Zack promises, putting his arm around her. “He’ll be ok, Melissa.”
Melissa settles against him, worry and anger still churning in her stomach.