Chapter Text
preface.
Litost (n)
1. A state of torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery.
2. A moment when you find that should not happen, unchangeably happened. It is a feeling we have about an immense, negative and unchangeable breach of the order we expect the world to have.
“…then in room 221, we have Pinoe and Sydney, and last but not least, in room 223, we have Hope and-”
The tall goalkeeper was startled by her name and blinked a few times to wake herself up. Hope must’ve fallen into a daze as Christie and Abby read off room assignments. The bus ride had taken longer than expected and she was more than ready for some proper sleep. She yawned, but stopped midway as she realized her brain never registered the last part of Abby’s sentence. Before she could open her mouth to ask what she missed, she felt a sudden presence slam into her- literally.
“Alright! Roomies for life!” The newest defender on their team jumped out of nowhere and onto Hope’s back.
Hope had caught her teammate out of reflex, but quickly shook her off as certain thoughts flew across her mind and invaded her privacy.
Kelley O’Hara.
Kelley- bouncy, dorky, squirrel-loving, actually a child at heart, charming- O’Hara.
Ever since Kelley joined the team, Hope had her eye on the kid. On the field, her passion for soccer blew everyone away and she worked harder than even some of the veterans. She would do anything to see her team succeed, even if it meant that she had to change positions. She was a very valuable (and versatile) teammate who so deserved her spot on the team. Off the field, Kelley’s giggly and fun personality infected Hope. Being the serious individual she was, Hope was often bothered by some of her playful teammates- but not Kelley. Never Kelley. It had always been easy with her. She was easy to be with, and sure, she was crazy and insane, but Hope loved it.
Hope was attracted to her.
The type of attraction, that is, well…let’s just say Hope wasn’t entirely sure herself. She had always struggled with identifying emotions, even those of her own. This often over complicated things for Hope throughout her life, but she learned how to deal with them and was quick to adjust when new feelings arose.
But these feelings- the way she melted every time Kelley walked into her room with the dorkiest grin on her face or the way she would scold herself for staring at Kelley too long- were feelings that she had never felt before. They were different.
So maybe they were just fast made friends. But then again, maybe not. Maybe there was something more.
Hope mentally checked herself back into reality and crossed her arms, staring down Abby as if it were her fault that she was rooming with Kelley. “I’m rooming with KO? No. You have got to be kidding me.”
“Jeez, lots of love to you too, Solo!” Kelley added sarcastically.
“This must be a mistake. We roomed together in the last city! Who made these assignments?” Hope demanded an answer.
Abby let out a soft chuckle. She, as well as the rest of her team who were watching all this unfold, found it entertaining to see a frazzled Hope Solo. She replied, “You’ll have to take this one up with Pia. She thinks you two click together…you know, with Kelley now on the backline and all. This will be good bonding for you gals.”
Hope’s jawline tensed. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Kelley- far from that actually. It was the fact that everyone knew that Kelley was the biggest goofball and perhaps the most exasperating roommate on the team, and now they were all just laughing at her luck.
She couldn’t help but smile with them and shook her head as she said, “All twenty-one of you owe me big time. I’m taking one for the team here.”
Kelley wiggled her eyebrows and gestured her whole body, “How could you not want to spend time with all this goodness?!”
“Jesus Christ, KO…don’t ever do that again.” Hope rolled her eyes and grabbed hold of her luggage. “Come on, let’s go find our room. I’m exhausted and only God knows how long it takes for you to fall asleep.”
Like a little kid following their mother, Kelley trudged after her teammate and protested, “Hey! That was one night! Sorry my reading light didn’t live up to your expectations!”
Now heading up upstairs, Hope glared at the younger woman, “Kell! For the hundredth time- that wasn’t a reading light! It was a god damn flash light.”
“Same thing.”
“No, it’s not! Not when you decide to shine the light directly in my line of sight and then proceed to make shadow puppets with it!”
“Ha! You admit you were awake too, then?!” Kelley accused Hope.
“Like are we five years old? Maybe you are, but not me…oh forget it, look, this time around, we’re going to lay some ground rules. Number One- no flashlights. Number two- no rearranging hotel furniture and bed sheets to make a fort.”
Kelley chimed in and added her two cents, “Number three- no more creepy candles.”
Hope frowned, “My spa candles? Those help me relax!”
“Fine, but if your candles get to stay, then so does my flashlight.” Kelley compromised.
“You are so freaking exhausting!” Hope exclaimed.
The two teammates continued to bicker all the way down the second floor hallway, and the sound of their voices echoed down to the lobby where the rest of the team stood speechless.
Christie was the first to break the silence, “Wow. Those two are really something.”
Pinoe smirked, “They totally have the hots for each other.”
“Really? I don’t know if I see it…they’re good friends.” Lauren was surprised by Pinoe’s comment.
“Don’t be oblivious, Lauren. Some woodland creature miles away could sense they’re couple material. Just look how happy they make each other!” Pinoe retorted.
Sydney agreed, “Yeah, they act like a married couple…the real question though is how long will it take for them to hook up?”
$50 it happens this weekend.” Pinoe added nonchalantly.
“Seriously, Pinoe?!” A-Rod shook her head at her teammate who was now grinning ridiculously.
“Hey, I’m dead serious about starting a pool. Who’s in?!”
“Alright, I’m in. But no way this is going to happen within the next three days. I’ll match you $50, but I say they hook up after the Olympics. Hope wouldn’t want a distraction.” Sydney reasoned.
Abby nodded, “I agree with Syd. I’ll put in $20.”
Pinoe’s phone buzzed and she looked down to read a text, “Oh, okay- Ali’s in too. She says $20 it happens before the final match.”
Lauren squinted her eyes at Pinoe in disbelief, “You already texted Ali about this?”
“Trust me, O’Solo has been a priority conversation topic between Kriegs and me for awhile now.”
“O’Solo?” Abby questioned.
“Yeah- Hope and Kelley’s couple name.”
Christie laughed at Pinoe, “You have way too much time on your hands.”
After a few other teammates joined their little game, Sydney turned to three individuals who had remained pretty quiet throughout this whole ordeal. “Anyone else? Carli, Alex, Tobin?”
Carli put her hands up in defense, “Hey, I don’t gamble.”
“Which basically translates into I don’t want Hope Solo drowning me while I’m in my daily ice bath. You three know something we don’t, don’t you?” Pinoe pried.
Alex shrugged, “What do you expect? They’re our best friends. I’m not saying anything, but we really don’t know a lot. We’re pretty much in the dark too. I still don’t want to take part in this though.”
Tobin nodded, “Same here. I don’t like getting involved with these things. Plus, I’d lose anyways because I’m the least observant person on this team.”
“Excuses, excuses, excuses!” Pinoe sneered.
Before anyone else could make further comments, Hope walked back into the lobby. Abby raised an eyebrow, “Forget something?”
“Yeah, the room keys. Do you have them?”
Christie said, “I thought I gave them to Kelley.”
Hope replied, “Oh, thanks…she probably forgot she put them in her bag or something…uhhh, are you guys alright?” Hope noticed that half her team looked stone and the other half were ready to burst into laughing.
Carli kept a serious face, “Don’t worry about us…it’s late. We’re delusional.”
“Okay…” Hope wasn’t fully convinced, but then turned to head back to her room, yelling over her shoulder, “Good night, guys!”
“Night, Hope!”
“So…is anyone going to tell her?” Pinoe was bursting with excitement.
Tobin was confused once again, “Tell her what?”
Sydney pointed out, “This happened at the last hotel. Kelley got a hold of the keys first and locked Hope out. Don’t you remember Hope hopping from room to room for a good portion of the first night?”
“Oh, I thought she was just being friendly! Well, shouldn’t we say something?”
Abby interrupted and nodded, “Just wait for it…in 3…2…1…”
“Oh shit! God damn it, O’Hara! Kelley!” Hope’s voice echoed down the hallways as she took off in a sprint towards her room.
“Yup. There it is.” Pinoe laughed, not one to miss out on a good prank.
-
Kelley thanked her lucky stars. For the second week in a row, she was rooming with Hope.
Hope Solo.
Hope- resting bitch face, badass, best goalkeeper in the world, piercing blue-eyes- Solo.
To Kelley, this room assignment was both a blessing and a curse. Blessing in the sense that she had more opportunities to spend time with Hope. Sure, she had always been closest to Alex and Tobin, but something about Hope always left her wanting more. Most people found Hope super unapproachable, but for some reason, Kelley thrived on this. Getting to know Hope on a deeper level was simply amazing, and so worth her time. She sort of viewed it as a challenge and competition between her and her teammates to see who could get Hope to open up the fastest. So far she was winning and that made her feel special.
But of course, their friendship (for lack of a better word) was a double edged sword.
Rooming with Hope was a curse simply because whenever she was around, Kelley would lose all sense of control. There was no doubt in her mind that she could possibly be falling for the tall, dark haired goalkeeper, and this kept her up at night. Every time Hope laughed at her overrated (well underrated in her opinion) jokes or made the slightest eye contact with her, Kelley felt shivers down her spine. Every time they touched, she felt herself go numb. No one else made her feel that way, and she wanted more. She needed more.
They spent way too much time together that weekend, thoroughly enjoying each other’s company. On occasion, they would dare to flirt, only increasing the passionate tension between them. The flirting could happen anytime, anywhere, but 80% of the time, it involved Kelley not being able to keep her hands to herself, and 20% of them bickering.
On their last night together as roommates, the pair stayed in their room for most of the night. Being the clever person that she was, Kelley claimed that Hope’s bed had a better view of the TV screen and crawled next to Hope’s side. Hope rolled her eyes, but didn’t object. They finished about half an episode of Glee before Hope snatched the remote from Kelley and shut the TV off.
“I’m not going to watch another minute of high school kids singing and dancing.” Hope declared and sat on the edge of the bed.
Kelley frowned and looked at Hope with the largest puppy eyes, “But I like Glee!”
Hope broke eye contact with her, “Don’t give me that look…come on, let’s go for a walk.”
“But I was comfortable!” Kelley glared. It was the truth though, Kelley had been very comfortable lying next to Hope.
“A little exercise won’t hurt you.”
Kelley rolled her eyes, “Jeez, I know that! I’m a professional soccer player for God’s sake.” She slowly stood up, giving in to Hope.
The pair left the hotel, and Kelley soon regretted walking so close to Hope. With every stride they took, their hands brushed and Kelley’s heart would skip a beat. They walked in silence, but it wasn’t awkward- it was nice. For some reason, not saying anything to each other and just being in each other’s presence was enough. They ended up at a nearby park and sat down next to each other on a bench. Kelley took the opportunity to lay her head on Hope’s shoulder, who once again, did not object.
Breaking the silence, Hope softly asked, “You going to miss me?”
“You wish.”
“Rude!” Hope moved away, leaving Kelley hanging.
“No, come back! You were a nice head rest.” Kelley tugged at Hope and scooted closer to her again. She grinned, but then in a more serious tone, said, “I’ll miss you, Hope.”
“Me too, Kell…this weekend was nice. I guess you’re not too bad of a roommate after all.”
As she laid her head down on Hope’s shoulder, Kelley felt the world around her stopped. She wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
Hope lightened the mood, “So this weekend, we established that it takes you approximately 1.5 hours to fall asleep and that in my past life, I was Lara Croft Tomb Raider.”
“I say it was a pretty successful weekend then.” Kelley giggled.
Kelley’s laugh was music to Hope’s ears. She loved how she laughed with so much joy and no care in the world, like she was a little girl again. Hope thrived off her youthfulness.
Hope smiled and then said, “Kell, Pia roomed us together for a reason…the least we could do is talk about the upcoming games. How are you feeling about them?”
Kelley sat up and shrugged, “Besides the usual nerves, I’m feeling pretty good.”
“Good…you’ve worked hard.”
“Well, I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“That’s what they all say.”
“No really, Hope. Thanks for everything…thanks for pushing me to be my best.” Kelley hated how cheesy that came out.
“I only pushed you so that my job becomes easier.” They both laughed.
A few minutes later, Hope looked at Kelley straight in the eyes and softly said, “But really, Kelley, you’ve done such a great job in both training and the first few games of this tournament…what’s your secret.”
Kelley melted at Hope’s words. The Hope Solo, the best leader in soccer defense, just complemented her and wanted to know “her secret.” What did that even mean? Kelley felt herself heat up as her nerves fired all over the place.
“My…my secret?”
“Yeah, like how you approach each game. What are you thinking about on the field?”
“Seriously? You’re interested in me? I mean, my secret?” Kelley blushed at her word fumble.
Hope smiled, loving how easy it was to make Kelley squirm. She egged her on, “Do share.”
Kelley stuttered and then composed herself, “Th…this is going to sound weird. But when I’m out on the field, I imagine each step and each decision as if I were on a cliff.”
“I don’t like heights.” Hope interrupted.
“Hold on, I’m not finished…wait really?” Kelley raised an eyebrow. “Hope Solo is afraid of heights? The best and most hardcore goalkeeper on this planet can’t handle not touching the ground?”
“Whoa there! Last time I checked, you don’t like them either!”
“Last time you checked?” Kelley raised her eyebrow even higher and smirked.
Only Kelley could make Hope speechless. Hope gave it her best shot, but failed horribly, “Whatever, you’re closer to the ground anyways.”
“Oh that is a pathetic comeback and you know it.” Kelley bickered.
“Alright, you got me. Continue.” Hope refocused Kelley.
“So anyways, think about the feeling you would get when standing on that edge. It’s gut wrenching. Adrenaline is coursing through your entire body- and while it’s absolutely terrifying, you can’t help but love it because it electrifies you. That is what it feels like to be alive. And that is exactly how I want to feel every time the ball is at my feet.”
As Kelley spoke, Hope had become entranced. She first noticed Kelley’s hair and how it perfectly framed her face- her face with a constellation of freckles that Hope found so lovable. Her eyes drifted downwards and towards the young defender’s lips, and all she could do was hope that Kelley didn’t notice how distracted she was.
Oh, but Kelley did.
Kelley fidgeted under Hope’s intense stare and looked down, doing everything she could to maintain her dignity and the little self-control that she had left.
Hope lowered her head so she was closer to Kelley, teasing her as she went. “So being out on that edge…what if I fall?”
Kelley breathed gently and lifted her eyes to meet Hope’s. “I’ll catch you.”
And with those three words and the strong, zealous implication of desire behind them, the remaining gap between them closed. Kelley gently pressed her lips against Hope’s, begging for entry. Hope gladly obliged, deepened the kiss, and pursued the passion between them.
This kiss was different. Neither of them had experienced anything like this. There was something so electrifying about it, and Hope could only imagine that this was the edge that Kelley had been talking about.
This kiss was what it felt like to be alive.