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Spoilers ahead, along with babbling and far too many screencaps.

 

Midnight Caller is the first thing that I saw Gary Cole in. I didn’t see all the episodes the first time around as it was on late and I was waaay too young to be watching a show with hookers, drugs, and the like. But I did anyway, when I could get away with watching the tiny portable telly under the covers. Memories!

Note - She’s not an assassin, she’s a serial killer, which seems like an important distinction to make, but I guess ‘assassin’ makes for a better title.

Jazz sets the scene – it’s very much a night time show. Wendy Kilbourne and Dennis Dun get staring credits but there’s a LONG gap after Gary Cole’s credit. The credits feature scenes from the episode but they’re generally chosen for drama/moodiness. The general atmosphere is quiet despair type of thing.

Opens with a voiceover from an unknown woman narrating from her grave who states that Jack Killian killed her – he was her judge, jury, and executioner, but she doesn’t blame him.

‘I picked him. That was my choice.’ She pleads with him not to leave. ‘I’m lonely, you’re all I have left.’ It’s genuinely very creepy – which isn’t something the rest of the series every really touches on again.

Jack is on stakeout in a car with his partner Rusty and is telling a totally bullshit story about the time he met Elvis. It’s clearly nonsense from the start and Rusty doesn’t believe it, but the point is to establish Jack’s name, that Jack can run off at the mouth, and also I guess to let Gary Cole air his finest Elvis impersonation. (Throughout the series, he does a number of impersonations, Cary Grant is probably my favourite.)

We watch a youngish hooker, very much the Hollywood idea of a prostitute, get into a car. She’s softly spoken and very young looking.

I am 100% sure real prostitutes do not wander the streets dressed like this.

Back at the car, the suspect they’re waiting for arrives, and they make no effort to appear inconspicuous as they jog across the street in pursuit. Unsurprisingly he spots them and runs away. Jack’s cries of ‘hey, hold up, police!’ fail to stop him. Weird that.

The music kicks in again and we’re back with the hooker, “Angel,” as the John parks his car in some strange expanse on the edge of the city, and not in a dirty alleyway as might be expected.

Back in the foot chase, and apparently, the cops have run into some kind of parade. At night. And now they’re in Chinatown, because reasons. Anyway, there are banners being waved and a lot of noise. Jack is really close to the bad guy and Rusty is nowhere to be seen. The weirdly disorienting chase, dissonant music, and wobbly camera work, is intercut with Angel asking the John if he’s married. I don’t know, Angel, but I think that’s probably not the kind of question that earns good tips.

Rusty has magically caught up with Jack outside a warehouse. At least, I think it’s them. They’re backlit to such an extent that it’s impossible to see their faces. They draw their guns and go into the warehouse.

At no point have they called for backup and they haven’t repeated their identification of themselves as police officers. You guys, I think Rusty and Jack might not be very good at their jobs.

The warehouse is lit like a rave – a weird purple light down the middle that just about makes it possible to make out the shape of things but nothing else. The aisles are completely shadowed and again it’s impossible to tell who anyone is unless they speak. Jack tells Rusty to go down the side (important) and he’ll go down the middle. Unfortunately, nobody suggests turning on the main lights or using a flashlight.

This is peak 80s right here. Any second now Queen is going to start playing.

Angel is asking how the John can love his wife and love her. His response is a surprisingly muted ‘you crazy bitch, I don’t love you.’ She says that’s too bad as she loved him, and then she shoots him. Todays Episode Brought To You By The Motto: Don’t Pick up Crazy Serial Killers For Sex.

Meanwhile, back in the most weirdly maintained warehouse ever: Jack is creeping along still looking for the bad guy. He’s backlit by purple and red lights and there’s water pouring down from the ceiling. WTF people? It’s very atmospheric but it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

He’s totally soaking wet. Yay for completely random and nonsensical fan service.

The bad guy drops from the ceiling and takes a couple of shots at Jack. Jack ducks into an aisle, and then for some reason runs across to another aisle, meanwhile the bad guy stays perfectly still, and perfectly lit under one of the weird hanging lights.

Jack doesn’t call ‘police’ or tell him to drop the gun.

Even though Jack isn’t actually moving at this point, the bad guy manages to shoot him in the shoulder. So, shitty choice of ‘cover’ there, Jack. Current score: Cops 0, Bad Guy 1.

The bad guy, rather than pressing the advantage, turns and runs. FINALLY Rusty calls out, asking if Jack is okay – what with all the shooting and ‘gahhh!’ types noises from being shot. Jack says that he’s okay and totally neglects to point out that he’s been shot. Or CALL FOR BACKUP.

So, now Jack and Rusty are both wandering around with their guns drawn. They have no idea where the other one is, let alone where the bad guy is. Although given the amount of grunting and groaning Jack is doing, anyone with working ears should be able to find him even in the dark.

Suddenly someone lurches into the light and starts firing in Jack’s general direction. Again, it’s impossible to tell who it is, but he’s firing towards Jack, so Jack returns fire.

Annnd then we see the bad guy is stood right behind Jack. Jack just shot Rusty, who was actually shooting the bad guy before he could kill Jack.

You two are the absolute worst at this whole thing. I’m amazed you haven’t killed each other before.

Jack hears the bad guy fall behind him, realises he’s shot Rusty, and has a total BSOD. He’s grabs Rusty, pleads with him to hang on, and cries all the manly tears as he cradles Rusty to him. He also SCREAMS ‘Nooooo!’ because this was the late 80s and irony hadn’t made into television yet.

Pictured:  manly grief of manly men.

Jack is sat in the back of a police car being treated and practicing his ‘tormented but cute’ look. Apparently, that’s more important than, you know, going to hospital for what could be a potentially life-threatening injury. He’s apparently been there a while because we see them carrying Rusty away in a body bag which they wouldn’t do until they’d taken all the photos etc.

Is that a really oddly dressed paramedic, or a random litle old lady?

Jack stumbles out of the car and over to another vehicle where he’s met by his Lieutenant, Carl Zymak. If I was the boss of these clowns I’d be steaming mad, but he’s very sympathetic. He wants Jack’s gun which, come on, why hasn’t someone from evidence taken that already? Internal Affairs want to talk to Jack tomorrow, but for now Carl will drive Jack home. Spoiler - we never hear anything else about IA or any consequences. Ever.

Next scene is Jack at home with empty bottles and cigarette smoke in the air. Remember when people on television smoked? Boy, I’m old. Carl leaves Jack a helpful-for-the-audience, exposition dump of a telephone message which basically clues us in that it’s been 2.5 months since the shooting and Jack’s been off work on a leave of absence. Carl complains that Jack needs to tell him what he’s going to do as he can’t be off work forever. There’s no mention of Jack’s gunshot wound, which should take months to heal by itself.

Jack hangs out in a bar so dark that it’s honestly shocking to see daylight outside. His girlfriend Tina drops by to complain that “sitting in a bar at eleven in the morning isn’t funny” even when he humorously refers to it as “his office.” Tina complains that 3 months is a long time to be kept on hold and Jack explains that he doesn’t have anything to give her.

Basically, everyone thinks that Jack needs to suck it up and move on. Honestly, three months doesn’t seem like a ridiculous amount of time to take to process accidentally killing your best friend. It took me longer than that to stop crying every day after my cat passed.

Angel is reflecting on how much fun shooting her John was, but in a moody, 80s kind of way. She’s getting ready to kill another guy or as she puts it “go in search of the one who left me for dead with my stillborn dreams.’

Girl is kind of a drama queen.

At home, Jack is smoking moodlily and watching TV when Devon arrives. Hi Devon! Please pull Jack up by his bootstraps. Jack snarks at her and asks whether her radio station is AM or FM (haha.) “I never listen to FM” says 80s radio proto-Hipster.

She’s rich, graceful, elegant, tasteful and refined. Jack’s a rough around the edges ex-cop with a chip on his shoulder. You know where this is going.

Devon wants Jack to host a radio show about crime because their listeners are terrified of crime and want the advice from a cop. Because calling in to a radio show in the early hours of the morning is much more practical than just asking a police officer, it would seem. “Just be yourself” says Devon, who will live to regret that many, many times over. When he asks her why him, she says she’s interviewed over 30 former cops in the last 3 months and his name came up over and over. They call him “the mouth.” Oh, and she says the shooting was six months ago. So what has he been living on all that time? Is he still on a leave of absence? Did he have a tonne of vacation time stored up?

Jack rips her head off when she makes the mistake of mentioning Rusty. Devon is pretty calm and graceful, even when he snottily responds “now how did I know that?” when she says that she’s a Ms not a Miss or a Mrs. Because he’s a man’s man who’s a little freaked out by feminism.

Jack is at the radio station, showing off to Devon that he’s done some research on her and knows her rich daddy gave her the station as a birthday present. Devon agrees but says that KJCM was on the verge of bankruptcy when she took it over and she turned it around within 3 years. That seems like a poor present.

In the studio, Billy Ho is showing Jack the practical side of things – specifically the 7 second delay in case a caller is abusive or obscene. I don’t think they EVER used that thing, not even when someone killed themselves live on air. Jack asks what happens if he’s abusive or obscene, Billy says that he’ll cut Jack off in that case. Which, yeah, but only when Devon calls up and orders him to – spoilers for waaaay down the line.

Jack is getting ready for his first broadcast and decides to screw up and throw away the ‘crap’ script that Devon has written for him. He wants to “wing it” and there’s a funny little moment when Devon says “ad-lib?” aghast even though it’s a live show and she hired Jack specifically because he talks a lot, and Jack replies “yeah, that” in a tone that suggests he’s never heard the term before. Jack gets his own way purely because they’re out of time.

Devon introduces Jack to the audience while police officers and random members of the public listen. Jack is going to be on air Monday-Saturday 12-3am. Devon doesn’t much like his sudden choice of sobriquet “the nighthawk” but that’s okay, it doesn’t get nearly as much use as you’d think.

Jack is in the studio, chatting pretty easily. A caller happily claims that he just boosted a load of VCRs and now doesn’t have to look over his shoulder at Jack. Because apparently Jack was the only cop working robberies. As this is going on a peeved looking waitress who hasn’t read a newspaper in a while is SHOCKED, SHOCKED I tell you, that Jack is on the radio and not a cop. Jack identifies the VCR-loving thief as ‘Willy, oh Willy,’ because he never forgets a voice. According to an interview I read at least some of these calls were ad-libbed. I don’t know which ones they were but it’s a funny thought.

Angel is in a car, telling her client that she likes listening to Jack. Then she shoots him while he was trying to kiss her. Dude could not read a room. On the radio, Jack gets shot down while reading out the baseball scores. Devon really should’ve been clearer about what his job entailed

Jack recommends to someone that they get a shotgun and “shoot their faces off” although the caller is unclear if he’s referring to the drug dealers or the pit bulls (!). Make it the drug dealers, caller, the court will probably be much more sympathetic. Then the waitress calls up to bitch him out for standing her up two years ago even though he said she had “the best legs in the Bay area.” He adds insult to injury by claiming she had “the strongest legs in the Bay area.” The police officers at the station listening find this all absolutely hilarious.

Jack gets a call from a giggling woman asking if it’s true what “they” say about cops in bed. He says that if she can’t say what it is that “they” say then he certainly can’t.

It’s all going so well and then the inevitable happens – some dick calls up and asks if he’s the Jack Killian who “blew away his partner last Spring.” Devon and Billy panic, but Jack quietly says that he would phrase it as accidentally shooting his partner when he crossed his line of fire. Which is totally not what happened but whatever.

Over a montage, Angel tells her diary that Jack captured “the heart and soul of San Francisco” and that it was “controversial and unprecedented.” This is demonstrated by Jack… playing some music, which Devon gets pissy about because he’s not a DJ. Again, Devon, you should probably have told him that wasn’t okay when you hired him. The clip of Devon dramatically running through the corridor from the credits turns out to be Devon running to tell Jack to stop playing music, damn it. Aww, but it gave Gary Cole an excuse to dance!

Why is Devon at work at 1am anyway? ‘Loosen up,’ says Jack, ‘think of it of multimedia.’

In honour of the montage - here’s a montage of Jack and his many, many, cups of coffee. At least he’s not wearing glasses and asking for TPS reports…

More montage plus serial killer narration. I could really do with someone to helpfully pop up and say how much time has passed because that’s two montages, plus it was six months when he was hired. By now the shooting might’ve been a year or more. Anyway, Jack is now an “instant celebrity” because hosting a radio show in the middle of the night makes you a celebrity it seems.

The only reason this isn’t longer is that I couldn’t always get a clear shot of all the times he wets his lips. I only noticied because the first time he was pulling that face.

Angel calls Jack an “urban folk hero,” which seems pretty unlikely, but then this is the narration of a loopy serial killer. On the radio, Jack telling a woman to deal with a flasher by trapping his dick in her window. That probably is the kind of thing that would get traction, but maybe not the way anyone would want.

Angel finally calls up Jack’s show. It’s surprisingly late in the episode given that’s the basic premise. She tells Jack they have a lot in common, a “mutual odyssey.” She’s creepy but vague as she reels off dates and tells Jack that if he saw her, he’d want to have sex with her too. Jack is getting creeped out and says she doesn’t sound like his idea of a fun date. She gives him some other dates to check and he tells her she’s very poetic. She returns the compliment and says that “when our journeys are over we’ll be joined in Holy wedlock.”

Jack talks to Carl about Angel describing her as “some chick… real space cadet.” He’s taking her seriously and wants to know if there’s something he hasn’t heard about. Carl confirms a female serial killer with six kills in nine months. Gotta give it to Angel, she doesn’t hang around. Oh, I guess that means that it’s nine months since he killed Rusty? So, those two montages covered a total of three months. Huh.

The cops have basically no evidence worth anything. It turns out that Jack already checked the dates that Angel mentioned and realised she’s a serial killer. So, I guess that he asked Carl just to work out if he’d be honest? Anyway, the only time Jack does solid police work is off-screen, after he leaves the police force.

In a Chinese restaurant, Carl despairs that Jack has ordered him duck’s feet. Jack offers to help Carl catch Angel. Unofficially of course. Back in the studio, Carl calls in pretending to be “Barney” and bitching that the cops don’t know there’s a serial killer killing off men. Jack is much more believable than Carl. Angel is listening and she looks pissed.

Jack gets a call from ‘Rachel’ whose husband keeps beating her up. Jack ascertains that her kids are fully grown and tells her to leave, tonight. This is treated much more seriously that the flasher or the dude who was having a problem with dog-owning drug dealers. He tells her that it never gets any better and she doesn’t deserve the beatings.

Jack goes to his suspiciously large and airy home, where he has an answerphone message from Carl, who is way too pleased about his performance as “Barney” and who warns Jack not to go solo when “this fruitcake calls.” This is an entirely valid concern since, as we noted, Jack never bothered to call for back up when he and Rusty were wandering around the Warehouse of Future 90s Raves. It’s well timed too because guess who also found Jack’s home telephone number and called him right up? Yeah, it’s Angel. She’s “very disappointed” in him as a “kindred spirit” who she thought understood her. Basically, she saw right through the “Barney” charade and for some reason is blaming “beautiful bitch” Devon who as far as we know had absolutely no knowledge of it. Rather than freaking out that a serial killer is pissed at him and has his phone number, Jack drinks a beer. Angel makes a vague threat and disconnects.

Jack is back at work, name checks the callers as “Midnight Callers” and takes a call from Angel. She tells him that she’s feeling “naughty” and makes it clear she’s gonna score another victim that night. Jack tries to keep her on the line but she’s off to a nightclub scoping for a victim.

 

Devon is strolling through the station corridors. I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason for the head of a corporation to be wandering its corridors between the hours of midnight and 3am but… uh, I don’t know what that reason would be. There are also cleaners kicking around, after midnight! But Devon tells Celia (good boss trope number 1, know the names of the peons) to not clean her office as she has things to finish.  Devon finds some mangled clothing in her office and freaks. She starts to leave but runs smack into Angel, minus her wig, but with her gun in hand. C’mon Angel, you shoot married men who pick up hookers. We all know that Devon isn’t your type. Angel terrorises poor Devon by shooting over Devon’s shoulder at the TV monitors on the wall. Why does a RADIO station owner have TV monitors? We may never know.

Carl is interviewing Devon about her run-in with the serial killer her employee has been baiting without her knowledge. For some reason, Jack is sat slumped while Devon, Carl, and Billy are all stood. It’s a weird dynamic. Carl tries to grill Devon but she’s understandably confused and upset. She sits down and Jack stands up. It’s a bit like that game they used to play on Whose Line is it Anyway? Jack tells Carl to back off and he leaves, along with Billy. 

Devon is pissed, and rightly accuses Jack of using her and the station. He admits that she’s right and offers his resignation. For some bizarre reason, Devon says okay but he’s probably done more good in 3 months than in 10 years as a cop. (Um, how so? Telling people to shoot drug dealers?) She tells him that if he’s the kind of man who runs away when things are hard (evidently he is) then maybe he should run and keep going, but that would be a mistake. She asks him to stay.

Angel calls Jack at home, because he’s a crazy person who hasn’t changed his number or got the cops tracing all his calls. Seriously Jack, do you want to be shot by a serial killer? She tells him where he can meet her, and he goes. But he calls Carl, right? Haha, no. No backup for Jack.

Her voiceover says she knew he’d come because it’d free him of his demons. Which makes no sense but okay, she’s nuts. She asks him to put on a wedding ring, remember she kills married men, and he does.

You guys, I think Jack has a death wish. Or is just unbelievably stupid in a remarkably specific way.

Jack enters Angel’s creepy enormous apartment which is full of mannequins. He calls her name while deeply spooky music plays. There are candles everywhere and Jack scares the shit out of himself by walking face first into a mannequin wearing a wedding dress.We see that he’s holding a gun, so you know this is going to end well. Angel’s apartment is approximately the size of my high school. She has a fresco of the creation of Adam on the wall FFS.

For scale: he was wandering around for a good 3 minutes before he even found this room.

Jack’s search method, randomly wandering around calling her name, finally bears fruit. She’s dramatically posed against the window in a wedding dress, veil, and carrying a bouquet. She asks him to propose to her – lady you’re already in the dress and he’s wearing the wedding ring you gave him. God, themed serial killers really need to learn to keep their timelines straight.

He tries the usual platitudes but Angel is too savvy for any of that. She says “this is for you” chucks the bouquet at him, and draws a gun from apparently nowhere. Jack draws his own gun, gives her no warning at all, and blasts away at her like he’s at the OK corral. Angel stumbles backwards and falls through the windows, crashing several stories.

Girl died like she lived, as a bonkers drama queen. Jack seems mildly surprised that shooting someone a bunch of times might have led directly to their deaths.

Yo, lady, did you survive being shot a bunch of times and then falling at least 3 storeys? No? Okay, then.

He checks the gun she dropped, which…

has no bullets. Oops.

Jack is on the air giving a philosophical speech about lost souls while smoking a cigarette. I appreciate the thought but I really don’t think a serial killer deserves this level of romanticising, even if she was a young woman who only killed married men.

That’s her bouquet he’s gazing at. AKA evidence. 

He is REALLY enjoying that cigarette though.

Chapter Text

“ Jack spends most of his radio show talking with a homicidal/suicidal ‘spurned lover’ - the man is waiting to kill his girlfriend and then himself. It’s a race against time for the police to track down the location of the woman’s home.” - Episode description from IMDB.

Gary Cole seems to be plagued by series with deeply confused episode orders. American Gothic had 4 episodes that weren’t shown until after the series proper ended, Crusade is a complete garbage fire with multiple suggested episode orders, and Midnight Caller seems unsure whether this should be the second or the tenth episode. I’ve gone with this as the 2nd since it seems to introduce Deacon Bridges whereas in the alternative 2nd episode (”But Not for Me”) the other characters clearly already know who he is.

Open on a dark house. Creepy music. Two people are walking past as Hank (Ed O’Neill) lurks in a white van. This was filmed shown bang in the middle of Married With Children’s run so it makes sense that Ed O’Neill really pushes the potential dangerousness of his character but it does rather undermine the message at the end of the episode. Plus, it would’ve been nice if they’d hired an actor who met the plot twist. That’ll hopefully make more sense later.

Nothing disturbing here…

Hank is struggling with a crossword and muttering to himself in an unnecessarily eerie way. A man and a woman walk along. He looks at them and makes it clear he’s been waiting for her to get home. So far, so stalkery. Also he’s crap at crossword puzzles. He leers at her and she drives off in a convertible.

Hank packs up his gear including a shotgun. Oh dear.

Jack is in a diner telling a story to an older waitress about a high rolling Dutchman playing craps at a casino. Jack was on a roll but the Dutchman made $75,000. He threw Jack a five hundred dollar chip and Jack “blew it all on the niners.” That’s the punchline and I’m sure it’s hilarious if you understand it. Not explained is why the Dutchman gave Jack a $500 chip, were the hookers not to his taste? A dude asks if the Dutchman shared anything else (hookers, although it’s not clear if he’s suggesting seconds or a three-way) and Jack says a gentleman never tells, or asks. He asks for a ride because for some reason never explained Jack doesn’t have a cr although he can drive.

Back at the van, Hank checks the time and we hear sirens in the distance. On first viewing the first-person camera angles merely seem to establish the mood and add a disorienting air. On a rewatch you can appreciate how well they covered up the plot twist.

Jack arrives in the studio and says hi to Billy, who is mildly sarcastic about how Jack only has 30 seconds before he’s due on air. Billy hands him a page of notes as Jack protests that he’s not late. Jack’s tardiness will be an ongoing character trait throughout the series.

Jack goes on air and refers to Billy as “the hyper-hip maestro of the macabre” and asks Billy if he liked it. 'I sounded like a real radio guy there for a second.’ Or as if you were having a stroke. Billy is unimpressed. Billy wants to talk about forensic dentistry which is an interesting topic sure, but not one that seems to lend itself to a call-in show. Jack is going to talk about gambling instead, which ties back to his casino annecdote but nothing else in the episode.

In a car with “Edward,” a generic, rich, handsome guy Devon explains the rise of talk radio as providing “a sense of shared experience.“

Hank is rooting through the clothes and belongings of the woman whose house he’s in. Again it’s all shot first person as he turns on the radio.

The woman, Arden, is giving a massage - she’s a physical therapist in a hospital. And she’s giving therapy after midnight because… reasons. At KJCM (Killian Jack Caller Midnight), a woman is saying that "at the parish we don’t approve of gambling.” Jack asks if they run bingo, she proudly says it’s one of their biggest fundraisers. He calls her on her hypocrisy and moves on.

Carl is at Carmen’s playing poker game with other cops. One of them, Pete, calls Jack up, dropping the phone in the process. Jack recognises his voice and plays along for a couple of seconds before making a snarky criticism about one of the other players poker techniques. (Remember that in season 3 when Jack claims he doesn’t know how to play cards.) Pete laughingly puts the phone down and they all take the piss out of the cop Jack snarked about.

Jack blames airlines for keeping gambling illegal as they make money on flights to Reno etc and goes to commercials. Seems like a stretch. Billy bitches that if Jack looked at his rundown he’d know they have an airline ad coming up. Jack implies he did know and was being deliberately provocative, as is his wont. No free airline tickets for you anytime, Jack.

Hank is sat in the kitchen. He turns off his radio and makes a call.

Jack welcomes back the listeners. Hank, is on the line. He wants to talk about gambling with someone’s life - committing suicide. Jack is not thrilled with this abrupt change of subject. Billy claims innocence. Jack claims to have little experience with suicides and reads out the suicide hotline number that Billy finds with suspicious speed. Are you okay, Billy?

In the car, Edward sneers that Devon’s “hero” ‘just disconnected someone threatening soicide, typical cop.’ Devon says that Hank was probably just attention seeking, which is not a very convincing defence, and she knows it. Edward isn’t a very sympathetic character but he definitely has a point here and it’s refreshing to see a character being held to account.

Carl is leaving the poker party. He asks where Carmen is - flying down to Rio. Carmen never being at her bar is one of those running jokes that gets boring pretty quickly. After Carl goes, Pete bitterly says that is Carl ever lost he’d probably return with vice squad and bust them.

Hank has called back and he’s annoyed. Geez, Billy, come on. You’re supposed to be screening these calls. Hanks starts talking about the woman he loved but who threw him aside. Jack tells him to talk to her. Hank says he’s in her apartment waiting to talk to her. When he’s done talking he’s gonna kill himself but "before I do I’m gonna take her with me.” We see her, Arden, at the hospital. Jack takes a deep breath as Billy looks freaked. Jack tells Hank "I’m with you, I’m with you all the way,” which could be phrased less like he’s encouraging a murder-suicide. Hank insists that he’s serious, despite this not being questioned, and pumps the shotgun so they can hear it.

Jack tries to keep Hank talking while signalling to Billy to call the police. Duh.

One day an intern is going to find that file and be so confused.

Jack tries to get Hank to name her but Hank’s too smart for that. Not too smart to call from her apartment though. By the end of the episode he’s going to have rung her up a huge bill. Hank says Jack’s show is getting stale because talk is cheap. Hank’s not all talk. (But calling up a talk show to complain that talk is cheap makes totaly sense, obviously.)

At The Dispatch offices, Deacon is talking to the phone company about tracing the call but his contact is waiting for the police. Deacon wails “we got some suicidal, homicidal, every kind of cidal maniac live, on the loose, and on the air with the Nighthawk.” Spermicial? No wonder Hank is pissed. Anyway, as written, Deacon should be sleazy but he’s played with a certain charm.

You might wonder why Deacon is working after 1 am, but look at that place. These are not organised people.

In the car, stuck in traffic, Devon is annoyed that Edward doesn’t have a car phone. Ha! You’re gonna LOVE noughties when you get there, Devon. Anyway, she’s very anxious and seems worried that Jack will mess things up with Hank.

The face of a woman with total faith in Jack. Totally.

On Midnight Caller Jack’s cliched “I know what you’re going through” doesn’t work. Does anyone want to hear that? Hank declares that when she walked into his life she changed everything. Then he sniffs one of her pillows.

Pictured: not a euphemism.

Jack interrupts this tender moment of soft furnishing molestation to check that Hank is still on the line. He is, and continues to whine about her walking out. The dialogue is a bit awkward clearly constrained by them trying to avoid spoiling the plot twist.

Randomly slicked back hair is random

Hey, remember Carl leaving the poker game a while back? Well he’s made it as far as the same dinner Jack was in earlier. The waitress helpfully clues him in on the Hank situation. Geez, SFPD, you shouldn’t have to rely on random waitresses to tell your senior officers about this stuff.

Coffee and donut ruined, Carl calls the police station to check they’re on top of the “Killian situation.” Why is it a Killian Situation and not a man-with-gun situation? The Killian Situation sounds like a bad spy novel. Carl is wildly unimpressed with the response from the sergeant and says he’s going to KJCM to coordinate from there. Maybe he can pick Devon up on the way…

Bwaha, Midnight Caller has gone to an ad break! Oh I bet Hank just loved that. You might be thinking that Jack kept talking to Hank while they played ads but nope. Devon arrives, demands an update, and snaps at Billy when he tries to make small talk. Edward is with her. 'What about the media?’ Devon worries. Billy says they are the media and even better, they’re the story. Pretty sure you’re supposed to avoid that, Billy. He’s weirdly upbeat about it.

At the hospital, Arden and her huge glasses, are discussing is a patient in the weirdest terms. She honestly compares it to dying but being conscious through the whole experience. This episode has some issues with the differently abled. Spoilers!

Carl has arrived at KJCM. While Jack talks to Hank, Carl is organising the cops for when they get a telephone trace. Damn Carl, get a move on. Carl wants to talk to Jack. Billy tells Carl to go through him, huh-oh, nope. Devon tells Billy to show Carl how to be the PL to the studio. Billy is pissed.

Hank resists Jack’s attempts to get him to open up and accuses him of sounding like a shrink. Jack says then he’d be on during the day doing 3 hours on the plight of the bored and lonely housewife. Sounds like a porno. Jack coughs to cover Carl pissing about with the microphone and asks for a minute to clear his throat. Dead air is a bad thing, people. Jack and Carl argue about what Jack should or shouldn’t be doing. Sadly it’s all moot as Hank finally realises that they’re tracing the call and hangs up. Great job, Carl.

Billy is trying to get keep the phone lines dear in case Hank calls back. Devon wryly notes that at least they’ve got the city’s attention, and Billy sasses Carl.

The media Devon was worried about have arrived. A security guard tells Devon that reporters and camera crews are demanding to come up to the studio to cover the story. Sure, that won’t make Jack and Billy’s jobs impossible or anything.

Jack pleads with Hank to call in typical Jack fashion by saying he’s either a fake or he lacks either the courage and/or character to thrash ithings out. Hank tries to call but gets the engaged tone.

Billy tells Jack that Hank hasnt called yet, just two liars and four “chicks” offering to date Hank. Jack says women go for the “sensitive, suicidal act’ and Devon is shocked! Shocked! She’s not going to like Twilight when it comes out.

Deacon is talking to the phone company again. He’s surprised and annoyed they lost the trace when Hank called up.

Arden heads to her car.

In the booth, Billy is telling someone to call San Quentin while Carl mutters that a trace is the only way to go. Nobody suggests asking listeners if they recognise Hank’s voice. Jack asks if Hank calls back how long will the trace take? Carl says they’re tracing every call that comes in so if they’re lucky 3 minutes. Jack says he’s going to speed things up by screening the calls on the air. Jack announces that Hank is big news so he might be having trouble getting through but to try again. He asks everyone else to leave off calling so Hank can get through. Guess how well that goes? First call is a woman: click. Second call is an asshole trolling: click. (It takes Jack a few seconds to be sure and then only when he laughs.) Third call: Hank. Success. Hank asks Jack for an answer to his crossword.

Pictured: the moment the director got bored and started getting “creative.”

Arden is rocking out in her car as she drives home.

Devon arrives in the lobby where Edward has not taken care of the media as promised. Instead it’s a scrum.

'The people have a right to know!’ says Edward who I think is deliberately being a dick. tt’s private property, dude, kick them out. Devon announces that Carl will be down soon to make a statement.

Jack tells Hank that he wasn’t worried. Hank has some fantasy flashbacks of a sexy bath with Arden. Hank gets a little teary but says when she walks through the door he’s pulling the trigger twice. They’ll be together forever! Jack offers the hard truth about what it’ll really be like to shoot her. Hank sneers that Jack is a “real man.” Jack points out that a 12 gauge at close range is going to “put a crater in her.” There’s gonna be a mess, Hank’s going to get her blood in his eyes and “blood burns when it’s in your eyes.” Worst song ever. Jack points out that Hank will be unidentifiable after he shoots himself. He’ll just be another John Doe.

I don’t think we ever see him use the red or black phone. I like to imagine the red phone is a hotline to the White House.

Carl has given his statement to the press but they’re protesting it’s not enough. He tells them to make it up.

The trace comes through - to Deacon, who sets off with a cameraman, and then to Carl. Bad phone company!

As Carl arranges for the police to descend on Hank’s location, Jack tells Hank he has a confession: a little while ago he violated police procedure. Well, you’re not a cop anymore, Jack. He says in the academy they tell you to avoid “negative suggestibility You should say things like "you’re not gonna hurt anybody,” but Jack’s gut told him Hank was too smart for “police academy boy scout crap.“ Hank says "that’s real white of you.’ Jack is confused what that means, it means he thinks you’re full of shit, Jack. While he’s trying to puzzle it out, some is unlocking the front door. Rather than get ready to shoot, Hank peeks around to watch.

Arden takes off her jacket as Jack tries to get Hank back on the line.

She gasps as she spots Hank. We see him roll out, he’s in a wheelchair, which means all the "flashbacks” of them together were pure fantasy as he wasn’t in the chair. As he approaches her we hear Jack on the phone calling his name.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate Arden’s amazing hair.

Barflies listen in rapt attention as Jack tries to get Hank to talk to him. That would be rude, no?

Carl gets on the mike and tells Jack from now on it’s by the book “no more reverse pyschology, or pop psychology, or whatever that crap was you tried before.” To be fair, Hank hasn’t shot her yet so that’s something. Jack slumps but doesn’t argue. Not something I’ll be writing often. Fortunately Hank has chosen this exact moment to return to the phone. It’s almost like he read the script.

Jack tells Hank to calm down but Hank argues that Jack is the one who’s nervous - true. Jack claims he’s not nervous, he knows Hank isn’t going to hurt anyone, he’s got too much to live for. Hank laughs bitterly and says if Jack could see him, he’d know that wasn’t true.

Arden addresses Hank as Henry, subtly emphasising that they’re not that close, and asks him what’s going on. Jack tries to calm things down but Hank tells him to “back off, this is personal.” Now it’s personal. Hank asks how she could abandon him? She protests that she didn’t abandon him - his therapy was complete and it was time for him to move on. Second plot twist - she’s not his ex, she was just his therapist. In the studio, Jack and the others listen to Hank ranting about how she knew when he was in pain or lonely, and how being a builder made him proud etc. Arden pleads with him and just as he’s thinking about killing her, someone taps briskly on the door. 'Hey! Hey Hank, it’s Deacon Bridges, I’m a reporter from the Dispatch!’

Here’s a puzzler, is Deacon heroically trying to distract him from shooting Arden or is he so amazingly idiotic that he thinks trying to get an interview at this point is a good idea?

While Deacon and Hank shout at each other, Jack asks Carl if Deacon is one of his guys. Carl says he doesn’t know who it is, his guys are setting up a perimeter. What kind of police perimeter doesn’t start with blocking off access to the entrances? And also, are they discussing this on air?

“Wait, what are we doing here?”

Hank gets annoyed at shoots at the door, but way up high. He’s obviously not making a genuine attempt to kill Deacon but it’s a shotgun, they’re not exactly precision weapons. Jack gets very shaky, and demanding, shouting “what the hell’s going on there? Talk to me right now!”

Hank tells him to calm down, everything is fine. It’s darkly funny. Arden’s neighbours start yelling at her door as Deacon points his dictaphone. Hank’s on the radio, you Muppet. You don’t need the dictaphone.

Hank explains to Jack that “some newspaper reporter” didn’t listen when he was nice so he had to send a message. Jack doesn’t care if a reporter is dead, is “the girl” okay? He asks to talk to her, but before Hank can respond Carl walks in and demands to talk to Hank. Jack hands his mic over without a word. Carl tells Hank that he’s lucky, nobody has been hurt, so give it up and everyone can go home.

Hank hangs up. FFS Cool, great job. Jack is peeved. As the show goes to commercials, Jack chases Carl out the door, asking if his next plan is to drop a bomb. They continue to argue as Carl heads to the elevators. Carl says he’s trying to prevent a murder. Jack retorts that Hank is crying out for help. If he wanted to kill himself would he have called Jack? He thinks Hank is looking for a reasons to live. He asks Carl to give him a chance to get through to Hank.

Carl gives Jack the phone number (don’t they come through to Billy?) and tells him that Arden is a physical therapist.

Jack calls Hank who asks what happen to Carl. They agree that was a mistake. Jack tells him things are series and to look outside. Arden does and we see dozens of police cars have somehow snuck up on the house. Jack warns him the SFPD aren’t subtle in these situations, and he needs to speak to Arden. Denied! Hank wants time to think and disconnects the call.

Evidently all that was on the air because Carl. is somehow talking to Jack on his CB radio and says the field commander is on his way. Jack is running out of time.

Jack calls back to Hank. Hank gives Arden the phone. She tells Jack the cops have one minute to pull back or he’ll shoot her. Then she goes radically off script insisting their was never anything between them, it was all a fantasy. Hank snatches back the phone but seems genuinely surprised and hurt.

Wait, considering myself a nice guy doesn’t mean I deserve sex from any woman I have a crush on?

Jack asks Hank to describe again the bath he shared with Arden, step by step. He gently presses Hank to remember it was in the hospital, the romance was a delusion. Jack asks what he’s going to do now? Hank sarcastically says he might go for a run. Jack gets annoyed, calling Hank on wanting people to feel sorry for him and make excuses. Jack says he still has a chance: give Arden the gun and let her go. Jack and Carl will make sure he gets the help he needs. Quite what help he means is unclear. Jack says he knows what it’s like to shoot someone, to kill someone you love and the pain is unbearable. Jack is sure that Hank doesn’t want that to be his last conscious thought. In the couple of seconds before he turns the gun on himself he’ll be consumed with loneliness and misery.

The dialogue is a little cheesy but Gary Cole really commits to it. Hank is initially unimpressed but responds to Jack reminding him that he loves Arden because she made him feel like a man again and that killing them both would be cowardly. He gives her the shotgun and she walks outside. She doesn’t tell Jack what’s happening and she doesn’t shout to the cops, so it’s a bit of a miracle that she doesn’t get shot by the SWAT team. As the cops move in, Carl gives her his jacket, which is one of those weird visual shortcuts for sympathy and protection that TV seems to use. When did you last see someone in real life do that?

An ambulance arrives at the hospital and Hank is wheeled in past Jack who was somehow got there before him. Jack not having a car is a plot point in several episodes, maybe he rode the bicycle he’s standing in front of.

Oh boy, I’d LOVE to see him desperately cycling through the streets at high speed. That would crack me up. Anyway, I know Jack promised to get him help but why is he at the hospital? Isn’t the help he needs more psychiatric?

On Midnight Caller, Jack is talking about Hanks’ misery and depression. “The ghosts of the future you’ll never have” but winds it up by saying that living however you can is the only way forward. It’s a bit weak following the rather poetic description of suicidal depression and the whole speech rather jars with the early portrayal of Hank as stalkery and potentially violent. But overall it’s a good episode, very tense, excellent plot twists, and good performances.

Chapter Text

If you look up the Wikipedia page for Midnight Caller, you’ll see there’s a section called “After it Happened” controversy. If you follow the links or Google you’ll see that after the script was leaked there were protests by the local gay community that resulted in a restraining order, extensive rewrites, and a special ‘response’ television discussion programme broadcast afterwards. That’s a pretty significant controversy for a TV show trying to raise awareness of AIDS.

Oh, but Kay Lenz won an Emmy so that’s nice. 

We start with Jack on air to Vern in Sunnyvale (which is apparently a city 35 miles away, so Midnight Caller the radio show has a much wider audience then I assumed) asking Jack how he feels about “mauve therapy.” Jack doesn’t know “what the hell mauve therapy is.” Vern babbles about auras and that Jack should think about increasing his vibrational frequencies. Weirdly enough the blue-collar, ex-cop is not entirely down with the whole idea of auras and the like.

Jack goes to an ad break as Billy tells a caller he’ll put them through. He tells Jack he has a private call “that’s something new,” Jack remarks. Billy says it’s Tina Cassidy. It seems that Billy knows that she’s Jack’s ex. I myself remember her as being in the pilot episode where she dumped Jack because he was still depressed a few months after shooting Rusty.

He’s got a headset, microphone, and enormous landline phone. Who says men can’t multitask?

Tina is calling from a pay phone. She complains “a year and he says hi.” Which gives us a rough-ish timeline for the show to date. Jack says he didn’t know they were still talking. She gives him a deliberately vague “I need you” and asks to meet him. He says she’s made his night and she rings off, only to mutter to herself that it’s early yet.

Carmen’s Bar - Jack asks where Carmen is, “Gone with the wind, Jack,” so I guess either the joke got stale or she’s gone to Tara.

Tina and Jack embrace and seem genuinely happy to see each other. I am much less happy to see her. Jack tells her it’s been a year and makes a sort of frustrated growl. They bicker a little in an affectionate way and she says he walked out on her, which isn’t what happed on screen. She asks if he still loves her a little bit and he says he never stopped. Then she tells him that she’s pregnant. WTF Tina?

Jack clearly checks mentally that it can’t be his, and tells her that there’s worse news to have. Tina says there’s one small complication.

“I tested HIV positive,” she says, because she’s whatever the opposite of a drama queen is. Jack sits in stunned silence as she says she will most likely develop AIDS. Way to bury the lede, Tina.

As they walk, Tina talks about the one night stand that resulted in her getting pregnant and developing HIV, although she dresses it up a bit. Jack comports her. The physical affection is a little much, but I suspect it’s deliberate as people at the time were wary of touching people with HIV. There were a lot of idiotic ideas and myths about HIV and AIDS at the time.

So

much

touching

Anyway, Tina blames herself for having sex with a stranger when HIV is on the rise. Jack asks what the one-night stand said when she told him. Tina finally admits why she’s there, she can’t find her one-nighter, although she has some photo both pictures of them together. His phone has been disconnected and his “roommate” said that he moved suddenly without leaving an address. Jack offers to find him. Tina says nameless dude needs to know he’s sick and that she’s pregnant. He has a right to be part of “the decision.” Jacks asks what decision and she clarifies that she’s talking about abortion. Jack rolls with this tsunami of shocks surprisingly well and simply asks for the address. Then he gives her an affectionate kiss.

Jack is climbing stairs inside a rundown apartment bidding. Ross-the-roommate opens the door and Jack says he’s looking for Mike Burns. Ross gives Jack a fairly subtle once over and invites him in. Well, Jack is easy on the eye. Ross says that he’s only seen Mike twice in two months; both times they were in crowded rooms and Mike vanished before Ross reached him. Ross is slightly camp and in retrospect he’s definitely playing the abandoned ex, but on first watching I was surprised how quickly Jack picked up the subtext. Of course, Jack was a detective and maybe Tina tipped him off. Jack asks “when did he leave you, Ross?’ Ross says that he got really sick two months ago and Mike didn’t say anything he just emptied their joint account. Mike is a real catch.

Ross says he loves Mike to death ‘pardon the expression’ and maybe he’s not dying of HIV at but a broken heart. Bleugh. Ross says what really hurts is being left to die alone. His well-meant but horribly clunky soliloquy done, Jack moves closer, agreeing that leaving Ross to die alone wasn’t very nice.

Jack asks for any help Ross can give to find Mike. Ross says Mike was a chef before he got fired, then says it’s nice just to talk to someone, he doesn’t get much opportunity. Jack is silent for a few seconds then thanks him for his time, clearly meaning to leave. Ross’s gaydar isn’t pinging so he wants to know why Jack is looking for Mike. “He took away somebody I loved.” Ross hasn’t shown any other sign of knowing Mike has HIV but gets the meaning immediately and is sympathetic. “Maybe God can forgive Mike, I don’t think I can,’ he says, although it’s unclear if he’s saying Mike got him sick or if he’s referring again to Mike leaving him. Ross protests that he doesn’t deserve “this” and Jack agrees, adding “nobody does.”

Jack and Tina are walking, she has had a scan and listening to the baby’s heartbeat. There’s a 50% chance the baby will be born with HIV or Aids. She assumes Jack doesn’t want to hear this. He says he needs to know and she needs to talk. More touching. She says infected babies seem fine at first but later lose milestones. Tina says an infected baby would live in pain and misery, possibly after Tina herself has died. Who would look after the baby? Jack says he’d do everything he could, but this isn’t One Man and a Baby so we know that isn’t going to happen. Mawkish music plays but Kay Lenz really sells her dialogue. The writers desperately try to avoid pissing off pro-life types by having Tina say an abortion goes against everything she believes in and she doesn’t know if she can forgive herself.

Jack hits the bars with a photo of Mike in a montage interspaced with shots of him at work on Midnight Caller, in case you’d forgotten the premise. I’m very disappointed that Jack hanging out with leather daddy types at a bar is covered so quickly. There should be a whole episode just of that.

There’s some sort of comment to be made about Jack obsessing about HIV while chain-smoking. So many stubbed out cigarettes.

At a bar, Jack is showing the picture around when a woman tells him “Have I told you that you can eat quiche in my bed anytime?” Jack is as baffled by this line as I am.

Jack finally has luck with the photo. The barman calls over Kelly who seems to be some kind of on-staff hooker. Jack seems very reluctant to tell her that Mike has AIDS and that’s why he’s looking for him. Kelly is horrified. She and Mike did some poppers and smoked some weed. Mike bragged about “cruising the leather bars on the Castro” but she thought he was kidding. Neither of these sounds much like the Mike that we meet who, with the evening dress, hanging out in the dark, and female victims, seems to be intended as some sort of modern Dracula.

Jack encourages Kelly to get tested but she doesn’t want to, she’d rather not know. Jack struggles with this but tries to convince her to protect other people by checking her status. He gives her his number on a matchbook cover and asks her to call if she remembers anything. She scoffs ‘the radio guy?’ when she hears his name and is surprised when he says yes.

At the hospital, Tina is struggling with having abortion. She says it’s harder to deal with than dying. She tells Jack that she used to fantasise about the two of them having six kids. Jack breaks down crying and Tina comforts him. He apologises for crying and she tells him not to; he loves her, he’s her best friend. She thanks him for being willing to hold her, to touch her. He worries that he’s going to let her down. He can’t make it right. Gary Cole is an excellent actor but here he seems to struggle with both the crying and with Jack’s frustration and misery.

Kudos for eschewing the cliched ‘single glistening’ tear in favour of something much more visceral.

In a gay bar, an exhausted Jack wordlessly slaps down a photo of Mike. The older barman gently upbraids Jack for his rudeness. Jack says it’s been a long night. The barman says he banned Mike a few months ago. They always ban “irresponsible cruisers” because they’ve lost too many friends.

Jack says he’s really struggling to find Mike. The barman says lots of people come to the city and reinvent themselves then act alike every night is New Years’ Eve. Jack, the chain smoker, complains that people should realise actions have consequences. The barman suggests that frequent casual sex can be “a political statement, personal freedom” and says to Jack “you can understand that.” Unfortunately this intriguing statement is never followed up.

Jack says that Mike left his lover to die alone and a friend of his is probably going to die because of Mike’s actions. The barman says he understands Jack’s anger “because we go through it every single day.” He tries to emphasise that Mike is “an exception, an aberrant, he’s not the rest of us.” I believe that these scenes were added in response to the protests to provide some context and explain that Mike is an anomaly. They’re actually some of the more effective scenes in the episode, and the actor playing the barman is especially good.

There’s a NOOSE behind the barman at the gay bar. I just, what?

On Midnight Caller, Jack wants to talk about AIDS. A particularly cheery topic of conversation and I think it might the first time he hasn’t discussed crime.

Devon, listening in bed, gets up. You’d think by now she’d have learned better than to listen to Jack live. It only upsets her.

In the studio, Jack says they’re not talking about love and romance but carnal knowledge in the era of AIDS. But they’re not talking about safe sex, at no point in the entire episode does anyone discuss safe sex or condoms.

As Jack talks, Billy is dealing with phone complaints. As he points out it’s well after midnight, Jack calls out people who don’t want to get tested because they don’t want to know and “sexual obsessives who practice unsafe sex.”

We finally see Mike in the flesh, he’s wildly overdressed at a club greeting lots of women.

Pictured: not someone worth dying for.

Jack takes a call from Kevin in Pacific Heights. Kevin wants to take “these people” and “put them in camps.” Jack, who is smoking, asks who “these people” are. “You know, Jack, the faggots.”

Thanks for making me nearly spit out my coffee, show. Jack in a remarkable feat of sticking to topic tells Kevin that AIDS is not a gay disease, it’s in the het population. He says the show is about responsibility and compassion. Caring for the other guy, or girl. I am deeply disappointed that he doesn’t ream Kevin for his homophobia.

Mike is picking up quiche girl.

Pictured: Jack’s research

Jack is saying some people believe the federal government has been slow to approve medicines and stingy with funds. He takes a call from “Billy Ray” who has exactly the accent that you imagined when you heard his name. Jack is clearly expecting another Kevin, but Billy Ray says that carriers don’t walk around with labels on so people have to behave sensibly and intelligently. Jack applauds and tells Billy-Ray one day he’ll buy him a beer. Jack’s obviously been getting a lot of caller push back. The barman is listening, it’s unclear if he knew who Jack was.

Kelly is listening to Jack saying that mandatory testing would drive AIDS underground. She calls the show and tells Billy that she’s a friend of Jack’s and he cheerfully says that everyone is. Devon is in the booth with Billy and asks how many sponsors have called. It’s the middle of the night, Devon, won’t most of them be asleep? Two of them weren’t and have called in. When Jack goes to an ad break Devon asks Jack what’s going on. “Talk radio,” he innocently replies. Devon sarcastically tells him to come to her office when he’s done. To be fair, his remit is specifically supposed to be crime, not any random thing that crossed his mind.

Kelly is getting agitated and insists that Jack will want to talk to her. Billy agrees to put her through to Jack’s screen. Jack picks up her call. She tells him she met him in a bar a week ago, (so he’s had plenty of time to discuss this with Devon) and he remembers her. She says that she took his advice to get tested: she’s positive. She has info on Mike. Jack asks her to hold on while they go to another ad break. Somehow, they lose the call. Damn it, Billy.

ln her office, Devon tells Jack he shouldn’t have done a show about AIDS without talking to her first. Jack snarks that she’s complaining there wasn’t time for pre-publicity. Devon says that trying to get her defensive about something unconnected isn’t going to work. Jack pouts. Devon says that she was planning on doing a heavily-researched show with contributions for a cross-section of the informed community. A show that would be “long on facts and that, quite frankly, wouldn’t include you.” Burn.

Jack asks if she thinks he’s not smart enough. She rather patronisingly tells him that he shoots from the hip, and that’s not appropriate. She tells him that a section of the community is fighting for its life and doesn’t need hysteria feeding. This feels like writers arguing with the studio, or else some desperate attempt at defending themselves.

Jack asks if she thinks he fed the hysteria and she gives him another rather patronising speech about AIDS touching people personally. Unlike all those other diseases that people never get personally invested in. Devon clearly has no idea about Tina. Jack tells her that he’s one of those people touched personally. Hopefully off-screen he explains the situation rather than leaving her thinking he has HIV or AIDS.

Jack returns home. Tina is asleep on his sofa for some reason. Jack strokes her head and then checks his answer phone. Billy passes on a “totally inscrutable” message from Kelly: Mike lives over an Armenian bakery and has a view of the Bay Bridge at of his window. That’s not inscrutable, Billy.

Mike is dancing outside somewhere with Quiche Girl. She’s giggling as he takes her back to his apartment. Jack ruins the party by pushing her away and frogmarching Mike into the apartment. Jack IDs himself as a friend of Tina’s.

“Can’t quite place your Tina, for I do suspect she’s yours, am I right?” Jack ignores the question and asks Mike “how long is it before you die?”

Mike tries to excuse himself by saying he’s going to die soon so he’s living all he can. Then he quotes Dante. He insults Jack and also seems briefly regretful on being told that Tina has HIV he says, “Look, on the bright side, you had her long enough to fall in love.” Look ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. Mike complains that he only had Tina for a night. “She pleased me, for a moment.” Mike’s dialogue is so oddly mannered that it has to be deliberate.

There’s a bit of a scuffle between Jack and Mike, which mostly consists of Jack shoving Mike against a wall and throwing him across the bed. It’s an odd, clunky scene that seems desperately trying to avoid just having Jack punch him. Whether they’re trying to avoid Mike bleeding or it’s just that having your hero beat up a terminally ill man looks bad, I’m not sure.

Jack, who sounds like he’s about to start crying, ask Mike how he’s lived this long. It’s unclear if he means the disease or being a dick. Mike whines about childhood bullying and “sailors kicked me when I was down.” Which, what?

Then Mike collapses into a chair and asks Jack, “What do you want, sir?”

Jack wants to know how to stop Mike. Well, it’s a crime now to knowingly infect people. Maybe talk to Carl? They have a short debate about Mike “making the best” of his life by spending every night sleeping with a different person. Jack’s pleas to consider the cost fall on deaf ears. Even invoking Ross doesn’t work as Mike says “you know how it is when people get sick.” Then Mike says that “as long as hope remains we’re safe from death. When we give into despair we finally die.”

I think Mike might actually be insane.

On Midnight Caller, Jack announces, “I don’t know how you spent last night, but I spent mine with a killer.” Which is a great opening line but is also true for how Jack spends a lot of nights that we see. Dude hangs out with enough killers that the FBI should probably start asking questions.

Jack is on the air, smoking far too many cigarettes. He starts describing Mike while the barman listens. “He’s not the one your mother warned you about, he’s a lot more dangerous.” Jack relates all this from a woman’s POV which is a weird effect.

As Jack begins to rant about there being no legal way to get Mike off the street, Carl (hey, there he is) mutters his one line this episode: “damn it, Jack” because he’s apparently the only person who realises how irresponsible this is. Remember way back when Jack said people needed to realise that actions have consequences?

Kelly in her bedroom is also listening. As the show goes to an ad break, Billy relates a message from Devon: how long is this going to go on and should they call their lawyers? KJCM’s lawyers should probably just camp out in the studio as a matter of course. Jack says it goes on until he finishes it.

Jack ambushes Mike on a street near his house. Jack cheerfully notes that Mike has had a “bad night” because he’s on his own. Mike addresses Jack as ‘ace’ and says he heard him on the radio, although a radio in a nightclub seems unlikely, and asks what Jack is doing to him. Jack says “I’m screwing up what’s led of your life.”

Points for honesty. Mike seems to think that Jack will care that he resents this goal. Mike threatens to sue Jack for slander and defamation of character, even though we never heard Jack use Mike’s name and, more importantly, everything he said was true. The way he said it was a problem, sure. Jack tells Mike there’s something wrong with his thinking. Duh. “First you gotta have some character to defame.’ Burn.

Mike seems genuinely unable to grasp the issue of public safety, asking Jack if this is a vendetta. Jack just wants Mike to stay home at night. Or, maybe, try safe sex?

Anyway, Mike dismisses the thought of not screwing around every night, and strolls off, crossing a street while Jack watches. Mike is intercepted by Kelly who he doesn’t recognise. She greets him flirtatiously and then pulls out a gun.

Jack comes barrelling along the street, past Mike, and grabs Kelly. The blocking doesn’t really make any sense.

The gun goes off harmlessly. Kelly yells that Mike has killed her and she heard Jack saying he wants Mike off the street. Mike seems genuinely perplexed. He asks Jack why he saved his life – because the writers thought that would make the protestors happier, Mike.

Jack goes full Movie of the Week by saying Mike’s life is worth something and Kelly’s life is worth something. It’s rather melodramatic and the bizarre ill-matched score doesn’t help. Jack tells Mike that he needs help. Mike nods and wanders away. So, for all we know he’s going to shake this scare off and carry on tomorrow night.

On air, Jack describes AIDS as a litmus test measure of people’s compassion in a time of pain. That what we need to “fear most is ourselves.” He pleads for understanding and acceptance. It actual a rather lovely speech and very poetic but somewhat jarring with the rest of the episode. Jack quoting F Scott Fitzgerald is especially odd given his general characterisation. As he closes out talking about loneliness and empty beds, we see Tina listening.

Overall, it’s a strange episode with the strains caused by rewrites rather obvious. It suffers from clumsy attempts at profundity colliding with accidental bi-phobia and, unfortunately, it almost entirely ignores the effect of AIDS on the gay community in favour of the plight of heterosexual women and the radio hosts who love them.

Chapter Text

Titles are difficult. But there’s not much of an excuse for an episode title that is not only boring but also inaccurate.

Either this episode had no scenes before the credits or I’m just missing them. Hopefully it’s the former rather than the latter.

We start on a shot of a trolley car because this is San Francisco and we haven’t had a trolley car yet. Then we move to a hotel where two men and a woman have apparently eaten way too much take out food. “Philly” is complaining to the woman that the other man, Tom, has beaten him at cards.

She gets in some early exposition by saying that anyone who’s laundered as much money as he had was bound to beat him at Gin. At first blush, she seems to be set up as a femme fatale type, all languorous looks and cigarette smoking. Tom laughing claims that he won fair and square, and carries on the exposition by asking if she thinks he’s dumb enough to cheat his own bodyguard. As they talk we realise that Midnight Caller is playing on the radio but nobody in the room is listening. Geez, the writers have a fairly poor opinion of how compelling Jack is when he’s not talking to or about murderers.

Someone knocks on the door. Remember Jack is on the radio so the time is between midnight and 3 am. I was going to say that this is an odd time for someone to call but they’re literally doing the whole “room service!” bit. Surely that was a cliché even in the 80s? Plus there’s already food all over the table. How hungry are these people?

Philly the bodyguard goes to answer the door. Philly doesn’t unholster his gun or check through the peephole. Philly is a terrible bodyguard.

We hear someone ask Jack if they’re offering a reward for seeing Elvis, because he just saw him ordering a pizza with anchovies and extra cheese. Urgh, thanks for making me hungry, show. Meanwhile the room service dude is way too smiley for working at that time of the night/morning. It even makes the unnamed blonde woman suspicious as she pours coffee. Philly pats down the room service guy as, on the radio, Jack says they’re nearing the end of the show – so it’s approaching 3am – and uses an accent I can’t quite identify to read out a letter from ‘Marge’ who thinks he needs a gimmick. He’s the only radio host chatting to serial killers and armed men in wheelchairs, Marge, what more do you want?

In a surprise to absolutely nobody but the occupants of the room, the room service dude produces a gun from beneath the tureen that Philly didn’t both to check, and shoots everyone. In super slow motion. Philly, you suck. As the camera focuses on the injured woman we hear Jack signing off. 

The television news reports on the shooting which happened ‘sometime this morning.’ What, nobody noticed at the time that a hotel room was being shot up? Jack and Carl are at the hospital watching the news. Welcome back, Carl. Glad that you get to do more this episode than shake your head at Jack being, well, Jack. The report states that “sources high up in the police department” have said the dead are two San  Francisco detectives and Thomas Jay who was rumoured to be turning state’s evidence. Between these two detectives and Jack and Rusty in the pilot I’m thinking that the San Francisco PD really needs more stringent training and recruitment. These people are all terrible at their jobs.

Carl turns off the television when they start to show the impromptu press conference that he gave. Jack, sounding oddly high-pitched, queries the “sources high up in the police department” line. Carl admits that yes, that’s him, he’s in charge of lying to the press.

They have this conversation in the middle of a corridor of the hospital, with people sat a few feet away. Jack asks how long Carl thinks they can keep up the pretence of her being dead, as long as it takes is the reply, but she can’t give a description of the shooter: again there are witnesses mere feet away who could easily hear this conversation.

Jack and Carl go to visit the blonde in her hospital room. Carl says that she’s been asking for Jack since she regained consciousness. Jack says he doesn’t know why as it’s been a long time since they’ve seen each other. Jack greets Jordan and tells her that hospitals are bad for her health. When he says that she’s been asking for him, she complains mildly that he always cuts to the chase which is actually a perfectly valid character trait so go writers. Jack sarcastically tells her that she looks great, he loves what “you’ve done with your hair, babe” and then he runs out of steam, saying again, more gently, that he hears she’s been asking for him.

Problem is, she doesn’t know why. She just has a feeling she needs to talk to him. This is quite a spurious connection but okay. Jack reassures her that she doesn’t need an excuse to call him. Jordan worries that she’s going a little bit crazy and Jack promises that you’re allowed to when you’ve been shot. She’s struggling with the fact that Philly, her partner and best friend, has been killed, which she doesn’t even remember. She wonders why she’s alive when Philly’s dead. Jack, who should know exactly how she feels, tells her she’s lucky – which doesn’t go down well. Jack asks what she remembers, about last night, before last night… She laughingly says that she remembers covering for Jack when he broke the chain of evidence on his first assignment. That’s… really serious and not a laughing matter, Jordan. Especially not when Carl is standing right there listening. Jack laughs and complains that he can’t catch a break. Jordan says that when she tries to think about last night all she can remember is his voice on the radio. A nurse comes in and Jack says that he’d better go. He leaves Jordan with his number, so at least he’s got some business cards printed up since the last episode where he had to resort to writing it on a matchbook.

As Carl and Jack leave, Carl asks about the chain of evidence issue. Jack facetiously explains the concept. This isn’t remotely related to anything in the episode BTW. Carl wants to know WHEN Jack broke the chain of evidence – on his first assignment Carl, keep up. Jack says he doesn’t remember and laughs off Carl’s attempts to get more info.

Jack is at the station, walking through a corridor, and talking to Devon who seems more interested in her manila folder. He tells her that he wants to do a show on survivors’ guilt – so at least I guess he’s learnt a lesson in actually discussing this stuff with her after the previous episode. Character growth! Hey, I’ll take what I can get. Devon thinks it’s a bit of a random subject, remember she has no idea about Jordan, and asks why he wants to discuss it. Jack initially attempts to pretend there’s no particular reason but quickly caves and tells Devon that he knows a good cop who he went to the academy with (hooray for backstory) and that her partner was killed in front of her. She’s having trouble dealing with the guilt and it got him thinking. Devon, who is not dummy, asks if this is about the female cop or about Jack. Jack is surprisingly chilled out about saying that it’s her story, and his story, and a lot of other people’s stories. But he follows it up by sarcastically saying he knows it’s not as fascinating as a 5 part series on jaywalking or traffic tickets, so he’s not that relaxed about admitting vulnerability.

Jack’s best puppy-dog expression

Devon calls him on being over-defensive, because she’s awesome and totally has Jack’s number, and asks if all cops are the same. Jack deflects by asking if that’s a real question or her idea for a show. I hope not, that seems like it would just be a lot of people making snotty remarks at best or shouting at worst. Devon actually likes the idea but asks if he thinks that he has the expertise to deal with a topic with so many psychological issues and consequences. So I guess she’s learning too, it’s definitely a better approach than flat out telling him he’s a bull in a China shop as she did last time. He is though.

Jack thinks about it and says that yes, he thinks he has ‘layman’s expertise.’ Is that a thing? Devon is still not sold and asks if he thinks that his listeners will want to talk about their survivor’s guilt over the radio. Jack refrains from pointing out that human beings LOVE to talk about themselves and particularly to confess things. It’s a good part of why police interrogations work. Instead he says that if it doesn’t fly then he’ll change topics. He asks what she has to loose? “Your ratings and my sanity!” but she agrees to the show. Hooray for grown-ups having grown-up discussions.

The hitman gets into a car with his presumed boss. The hitman’s wide smile is immediately lost when his employer tells him that Jordan is still alive. See what happens when you have these discussions in the middle of a corridor, Jack and Carl. The boss wants Jordan finished off because she’s a loose end. She’s just a cop, dude, she can’t give evidence on Thomas Jay’s behalf. Leave her be.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is announcing that they’re going to be talking about survivor’s guilt. He neatly avoids any suggestion of blame or responsibility with the surviving person, merely defining it as loosing someone and then feel afterward that it should have been you. He thinks that facing their demons will help people come to terms and move on. He says that he doesn’t want names or locations, which he normally asks for; this is as close to anonymous as he can make it.

The first caller is a woman who’s husband was terminally ill and on life support. She had to make the decision to turn off the machines and wonders now if she robbed him of his time left. Jack asks if they ever discussed what to do in that situation – they didn’t. Jack tells her that he had a partner on the force – Rusty – and explains the importance of the partner relationship. Billy looks on, clearly very concerned that Jack is going to get upset. Jack says that he and Rusty knew what each other were thinking, that Rusty could finish his sentences, and asks if she and her husband had that kind of relationship. Fortunately she says that they did, and we’re spared the poor woman flailing on the radio as she realises her marriage wasn’t as close as someone’s work relationship. Jack suggests that, since she knew her husband so well, perhaps she made the choice that she knew he would have made for himself. It’s a good perspective and she seems to get some solace from it.

The phone lines are all lit up – it seems that California has a lot of guilt to confess. As Jack rolls the kinks out of his neck a man tells him that he’s “been living with this a long time” and that he’s never been able to tell anyone else. He says that one day his niece called and said that her father, his brother, had been physically abusing her, beating her, threatening them with a gun. She begged him to come and get her, and hide her. Jack asks what the caller did. Nothing. He didn’t want to believe her, that his brother was capable of doing that to his own child. Jack asks what happened to her – she died. That night his brother killed her and turned the gun on himself.

In the booth, Billy shakes his head and looks like he’s going to throw up, but Jack stays calm and quiet. The caller says that every time he thinks about her he feels as though he was the one who pulled the trigger. Jack is thoughtful for a moment but the caller rings off before he can answer. Jack says that he hopes the caller is still listening to the show. As we pan over Jordan in bed listening as she flips through a radio, Jack says that he understands the desire to go back in time and change things, but it’s impossible. As he continues to talk about forgiving yourself and going on, Jordan seems to fall asleep and dream about the previous night. She actually looks like she’s having passing out more than anything. Probably not what usually happens when  some women (and some men) listen to Jack while lying in bed…

She jolts awake, gasping loudly, and I’m resisting the urge to make another joke related to the previous one. Even though she’s just heard KJCM put on some jazz, because Jack’s show is now over, she grabs the enormous telephone and calls the station. Where Billy answers, because Billy also produces for the suspiciously similar substitute guy who takes over when Jack finishes for the night/morning. Billy tells her she can call back or leave a message but she doesn’t need to because Jack just arrived at her bedside. This hospital has verrrrry relaxed visitation rules.

Jack moves the phone to the bedside table so that he can sit down (the alarm clock says 03:30 and Jack doesn’t have a car so either the hospital is very close to the station or he really booked it.) He asks Jordan if she can do him a personal favour – forget the whole chain of evidence farrago. Jordan who seems borderline woozy says no way, the vision of him “passed out in the coroner’s office is too vivid” to forget. She tells him that he should’ve said he was squeamish but he argues that he had the flu and the smell of the formaldehyde got to him. Pick an excuse, Jack, and then we’ll laugh at you for passing out in the 3^rd season when you witness someone about to give birth. Jordan smugly tells him to admit that she saved him from blowing the case. Except, he was in the coroner’s office so it’s not as if the evidence was ever at risk of tampering. The coroner is an officer of the court too, right? Jack asks if she listened to Midnight Caller that night – she says that she tried but has a hard time staying awake with all the drugs she’s on. Not to mention it’s on in the middle of the night.

As music kicks in Jordan tells Jack that she dreamed about the shooting. She’s not sure if what she dreamed was real or her just putting together things that she’s been told. Neither of them considers that it might have been completely fabricated since it was a dream.

Daytime, Jack, and Carl are walking over a bridge. Carl asks Jack if Jordan has remembered anything

Jack tells Carl that physically Jordan is better-moving around etc and that she’s remembering things but not the shooters’ face. He doesn’t mention that these are dreams. Carl says there are no witnesses at the hotel. Suspicious. How did he know they ordered room service? How did he get the uniform and the trolley? After noting that there are no forensics, Carl says he must be got his doctorate at ‘Hitman U’. Jack disapproves of lame jokes that he didn’t think of. Also, Carl will learn that he is very, very wrong about the hitman.

At the hospital, Jordan is insisting on going for walk, er, roll in a wheelchair, to the chapel. Her police escort doesn’t approve. The hitman, dressed as an orderly and pushing a cleaning cart, tries to enter the chapel but the cop stops him. He gets a really good look at the hitman’s face. Jack runs up the steps and into the booth. He’s carrying a cup (a proper one, not disposable) which he sips from and his jacket. How you run and sin iulhat getting drunk everywhere is a mystery known only to tdivsion and movie actors.

As the news finishes, so there must be another booth somewhere Billy asks if he should expect any surprises in the format. Jack totally misses Billy’s sarcasm and say he hopes so as it keeps things interesting. Billy tells Jack that the switch board stayed lit for an hour after he finished his survivor’s gilt show. Jack millers “far out” because suddenly it’s 1964 and seems impressed, rather than wonder why his listeners are struggling with the concept of “R-3.”

As Devon is in her office working, go home Devon. Jack says they got of response to the survivor’s gilt episode so he impulsively decides to do it again. The show really can’t make up its mind on how much work Jack pets into show pre Devon rolls her eyes and goes to the booth. She gets there so quickly that he has'nt even finished his sentence. Billy defends Jack’s choice and Devon says she agrees-this is something Jack need to work through. That’s not what Billy iavd.

At the hospital, Jordan a half-listening while going through a book of mug shots. She flashes back to the shooting and I wonder if this means she’s going to spend her life avoiding listening to Jack speak because it gives her PTSD flashbacks.

Jack is at the hospital getting on an elevator when the hitman, dressed as an orderly, gets on pushing an empty wheelchair. Has he been mooching around all this time? The chapel visit was hours ago.

Jordan is asleep. In the elevator, the hitman is clenching his fist and snapping his knuckles. Creepy music plays as an ominous shadow falls across Jordan’s sleeping form - but it’s just Jack, who world apparently does'nt grasp that 4am is a terrible time to make a hospital visit. Why do they keep letting him in? After scaring the crap out of poor Jordan, Jack sits beside her.

Outside her room, the cop from before is unhappy with the quality of his coffee. That’s not a joke. He looks honestly disgusted and stomps away. Good protective work there.

“This hospital needs a Starbucks!”

Jack apologised to Jordan for waking her while the cop’s quest for fresh coffee is interrupted by the Hilman and garotted. Boo!

Jordan asks Jack to wait with her until she falls asleep. He agrees, which is bad news for the hitman who is watching them through a gap in the door.

The hitman makes a noise, and Jordan notices him in the doorway. Jack goes to investigate and realises the cop is nowhere to be seen, although he does spot the hitman-dressed-as-an-orderly wheeling his trolley away. Jack tells Jordan to call for backup as he checks in with the nurse on duty and looks for the cop. He finds him dead by the coffee machine and runs out into the corridor. He spots the hitman again and it’s unclear for a moment if Jack actually realises that he’s the bad guy. Fortunately, the hitman panics and runs away, leaving Jack to give chase. I don’t know how much he’s been paid for this gig but it’s too much. He’s a terrible hitman.  (My spellcheck really wants that to be “hetman” like that’s even a thing.)

Jack chases the hitman down a stairwell. It’s lit oddly so that although we can see the stairs and the ceiling both the men are in shadows. If Jack’s leather jacket wasn’t so chunky it’d be difficult to tell them apart.

The hitman finally has a lightbulb moment, as he reaches another floor he quickly opens a nearby door and then runs in the other direction. Jack totally falls for this piece of misdirection and loses him. Probably for the best since the hitman was armed and Jack wasn’t.

In Jordan’s room, Jack and Jordan are briefing Carl. Carl announces that “they” have infiltrated the hospital and that’s a major problem. It’s a hospital, Carl, not the Death Star. People wander in and out all day. The problem is your useless attempts at protecting Jordan. Anyway, Carl suggests that the bad guys might have an informer inside the police department. I don’t think this plot point is ever brought up again. Jack agrees someone is tipping them off. Carl tells Jordan, recently shot remember, that they need to get her out of the hospital and “stashed.”

Suddenly, there are a lot of nurses buzzing around as Jack and Carl saunter past the nurses’ station. They walk RIGHT PAST the hitman, still dressed as an orderly, because what he lacks in skill he makes up in sheer brass neck. He chats up one of the nurses and asks who Jack is. She enthusiastically tells him. Girl, go get an autograph already. You know you want to.

Pictured: a Jack Killian fangirl.

At Jack’s house, a cop is waiting in Jack’s vestibule. Wait, how is this an improvement on the hospital? You’ve still got police officers involved so that snitch might still know about it. Jack belatedly tidies up the pizza boxes and beer bottles in his living room, but Jordan doesn’t seem to mind the mess.

That’s a lot of beer and little food,  Jack.

She does tease him about being ‘the poster child for bachelors anonymous.’ Jack rolls his eyes and gives her a tour of the kitchen and the bedroom. He tells her that he can sleep on the couch or they can sleep in shifts. Jordan, who is in her jammies, asks if he has some clothes that she can wear. He gives her some clothes but suggests they might not fit. Since she barely comes up to his shoulder, I’d say that’s a good bet. They share an “Annie Hall” reference, because the 80s. Jack starts to leave so she can get dressed, but Jordan says she’s going to need help putting on the shirt. It’s quite quick and tasteful because the point is for her to spin around, kiss his cheek, and thank him. Jack seems taken aback by the kiss and they stare at each other before kissing properly.

Jordan is looking at mugshots and flips right past the page with the hitman. Jack wanders in, demonstrating Gary Cole’s weird difficulty with clothes. Honestly the amount of times that his shirts or jackets are pushed off his shoulders is bizarre.

Jordan is getting frustrated with the books and her memory problems. Jack is concerned and tries to support her. He suggests that she goes back to bed but she doesn’t want to because she keeps dreaming of Philly dying. “When is it going to stop?” she demands. “It never stops,” Jack says sharply, apparently losing patience. Jordan says that she thought it had stopped for Jack but he says no, not a day goes by that he isn’t reminded of Rusty. Being reminded of him isn’t the same as a PTSD flashback, Jack.

Jordan points out that on his show about survivors’ guilt he spoke about forgiveness and getting on with your life. Jack says that’s what he has to tell himself every day when he wakes up. Things get fractious as he tells her that she has to be strong, that she has to tell herself that there’s a reason she’s alive, and to fulfil that reason. “Or Philly died for nothing.” That’s… a risky strategy to take with someone in her position. Jordan starts to cry and is rather hostile when Jack rubs her back and tries to get her go through the memory with him. But she does it and starts to see bits of the hitman’s face but not enough. She starts crying again and tells Jack that she can’t do it. He reassures her that she will when she’s ready.

The hitman is at a payphone. I guess being a terrible hitman doesn’t pay enough for a ginormous late 80s cell phone. He calls Mr Rothwell, the big bad, who is in bed with a clingy blonde. Mr Rothwell doesn’t want anything to do with him. He accuses the hitman of botching the job and driving Jordan underground. Both fair points. The hitman says he has a lead and needs an address for Jack. What, you couldn’t look him up in the phone book? He’s definitely in there, because Jack apparently has no concern for his own safety. There’s certainly an episode where Carl says something about Jack staying listed because it makes him a man of the people or similar. Or you could just lurk outside KJCM and follow him home, hitman. Even I would be better at this hitman thing than this guy.

The big bad puts the hitman on hold and calls his contact in the police – a young woman in data processing. She says it’s not a good time but he coldly says “I want it now.” Better people skills would probably mean less people giving evidence against you, Big Bad. The cop gives him the address and he passes it on to the hitman, along with a threat. Kill Jordan or be killed, either way he’s giving him a crappy yelp review.

Jack knocks on the door of Devon’s office. He would like a favour – a couple of days off. Isn’t there a form or something for that? Devon makes a snarky comment about a Blues festival and BB King and Jack tells her that her fantasies about his life are better than his own. You’ve just got him at a bad time, Devon, he’s all stressed and grumpy even though he got a snog last night. Jack tells Devon all about Jordan and how she’s hiding at his apartment, even though Devon 1) didn’t ask for an explanation and 2) isn’t cleared to know about police operations. Oh, and her office door is wide open so anyone could be listening. Devon takes this very calmly but says that sometimes she worries about him. Sometimes? Jack asks if she’s going to tell him off for ‘impropriety’ or that it might negatively affect the station. She says that she’s worried about him, which is of course exactly why he tried to deflect. Jack doesn’t do well with other people treating him as vulnerable.

Devon reminds him that he’s not a cop any more and that in a way his job is professional friend – always there for the lonely and desperate. Jack snarkily refers to himself as ‘Saint Jack.’ Devon asks him if he gets lonely, who does he turn to? He laughs, because this is getting a little too close to home, and says that he turns to her. Devon says that she’s glad, and suggests that he’s trying to block out his own pain and fears by taking on someone else’s problems. She offers to be friend. Aww.

At Jack’s house, a different cop is reading the paper and smoking a cigarette. As soon as Jack comes in, he starts getting ready to leave. Hmm, so they’re leaving it totally up to Jack to protect Jordan?

Jack finds Jordan asleep on his sofa. What is it with women falling asleep on Jack’s sofa?

In his bedroom, he opens a drawer and pulls out a gun which he regards thoughtfully. Also, he has his finger on the trigger. I’ve never held a real gun in my life and I know you don’t do that.

Jack picks Jordan up, carries her into the bedroom, and puts her in bed. He kisses her on the forehead and she wakes up. She starts kissing him and unbuttoning her shirt. Jack tells her that it’s a mistake and she says it’s not. “Just for tonight,” she says, and they tip onto the bed, still kissing. 

Jack and Jordan are snuggled up in bed and Jack is enjoying a post-coital cigarette. A gunshot startles Jordan awake. Jack basically shoves her off the bed and they crouch down beside it, with Jack on top of her. Hey, remember how Jordan was recently shot and almost certainly shouldn’t be having anywhere near this amount of physical activity.

A huge amount of shots ring out as a machine gun strafes the walls. A machine gun, did I mention this is the worst hitman ever? They’re in a house! Just break in quietly and shoot them in their sleep. Then the shots stop, because the hitman apparently has run out of bullets, and Jack stands up, telling Jordan to stay put. Jack is wearing some kind of sweatpants. Which means they made out, got undressed, had sex, he put his sweatpants on, and got back into bed.

The hitman, clutching his machine gun, is running away. Without checking if he’s actually managed to kill Jordan. A second or so after he runs past the front door, Jack runs down the steps and checks the cop in the car outside. Pro – the police department did apparently have someone else protecting Jordan. Con – he’s been shot dead. Jack runs barefoot after the fleeing hitman, who really needs to go to the gym more. He had a good head start on Jack, exacerbated by Jack stopping to stare at the dead policeman, but Jack is rapidly catching up on him. If you’re wondering how Jack knows he’s chasing the right person, well the hitman is still carrying his machine gun. Jack is carrying his handgun and limping a bit, because he’s barefoot and running on the street must be painful.

Is this necessary, no. Is it funny out of context, yes.

At Jack’s house, blood is pouring from the bandage on Jordan’s arm as she has a flashback. I hope she’s already called for backup. She finally remembers the hitman’s face which is a relief because I was getting pretty fed up with that same flashback clip.

The hitman is still running away from Jack. Just how far away did this guy park? Did he not think people might notice him crossing half the city with a giant gun?

The whole chase has taken so long that Jordan has now gotten dressed and is looking at mugshots.

Still running. Entering a playground, Jack runs out of juice and staggers to a halt. When he bends over you can clearly see his ribs. Someone get Gary Cole a cheeseburger.

Jack is on the phone to Carl saying that he “didn’t get any kind of a look” at the hitman. He tells Carl that all he knows is that another cop is dead and Jordan has disappeared. Well, that’s probably the first sensible thing she’s done all episode.

Spoke too soon, Jordan is visiting someone in Chinatown, waving a mugshot of the hitman at him, and demanding a name. Isn’t it written on the back of the photograph? Manny the informant prevaricates because the hitman is, well, a hitman. Jordan has had enough of this shit and bellows at him until he phones up the hitman and relays her demand that the hitman meet her “like a man.” This seems like a terrible plan, Jordan. Manny agrees, especially when Jordan subsequently demands a gun. I think I prefer seriously!pissed Jordan to the flirty doe-eyed one who’s been batting her eyelashes at Jack the whole episode.

Manny hands over his gun and Jordan stomps out without saying a word. Manny calls Mr Rothwell, aka The Big Bad. Oops.

A limousine pulls up at the kerb. A cigarette-smoking, sunglasses-and-leather-jacket-wearing man saunters towards the car. He throws away his cigarette because nothing says “bad guy” like littering. Inside the car, Mr Rothwell hands him a manila folder containing a wad of cash and some photographs. As he chews gum, he looks at a photo of the hitman and asks “where?” Rothwell tells him to go take out both the hitman and Jordan during their little high noon thing later on.

Jack is yelling at Manny, who is really having a crappy day. How did Jack know to talk to Manny? When Manny claims not to know where Jordan went Jack simultaneously bangs the table and grabs him by the hair. Are we supposed to be okay with violent interrogations if they involve people being grabbed by the hair rather than punched? Manny gives Jack the address and tells Jack that he gave Jordan his gun.

Jordan runs into the alley. It’s an actual alley with sacks of garbage and the like so why you would pick that for any kind of a meeting I’m unclear. It’s also bright daylight. Jordan runs halfway down the alley and lurks behind a building waving the borrowed gun around. A totally random dude puts some garbage out and Jordan nearly shoots him, because that’s what happens when you have your meeting in a freaking alleyway in the middle of a city.

As Jordan is still in the middle of the alley watching the terrified bystander run off to presumably call the police, the hitman looms up behind Jordan. He takes a moment to look smug, because he’s an idiot and terrible at his job. As he raises his gun, someone shoots him. Jordan spins around to see him fall, and we see the second hitman is on a balcony above them. At the same time, a car pulls up and Jack and Carl get out. The second hitman takes a shot at Jordan just as Jack jumps and pulls himself and Jordan into a pile of garbage. Romance! Carl and a couple of uniform cops take shots at the hitman but seem to miss. Carl sends the uniforms to chase down the hitman, and his sniper rifle, while he talks to the barely-alive hitman.

“You’re not much good at this, are you?” Carl asks. I love you, Carl. Although his replacement is no better. At this rate there’s going to be hitmen chasing hitmen chasing hitmen chasing Jordan. The (original) hitman groans “Rothwell” and Carl looks annoyed.

Jack watches Jordan making the bed. He tells her that she should be in the hospital. What, where yet another hitman can get her? She’s been upgraded to a sling because apparently Jordan only ever gets shot in the right arm. Jack says something is “a little awkward” and she asks if he means making the bed one-handed. He says “that too” and she realises this is the conversation you never saw Captain Kirk having – the one that goes, “you know you’re just a one episode guest love interest and we’ll never meet again, right?’ She asks if he’s uncomfortable about them sleeping together and he seems uncertain. But she’s stopped the coquettish eye-batting so that’s a plus. She says he won’t see her as one of the guys again and he says he never did. That’s… not good. Then she says they should pretend nothing happened between them. Which hardly follows from what he said.

Jack, were you terrible in bed? Own up. She asks if they can go back to being friends, and Jack says they should agree that ‘two old friends who were tired and lonely and scared, found some peace together for a little while.’ Jordan agrees and they hug. I’m all for acknowledging that sex can be a lot of things besides two people in love expressing it, but this scene is very strange.

At the station, which we haven’t seen in pages, Jack says ‘the time of the night when you’re most alone is when you feel the magnetic field of companionship most forcefully.’ Uh, what? Jack carries on in the same pseudo-poetic vein talking about things you regret never saying, and emotions unexpressed. Fortunately as he continues talking, we move to Carl arresting Rothwell.

Billy looks pensive as Jack says that in this emotional state we make promises we’ll almost certainly never keep, but if we do keep them then we’ll feel “most alive.”

I’m honestly baffled why the episode treats Carl arresting Rothwell as if it’s a happy ending. They ALREADY had a witness against him. All that happened was that he had the witness killed. He’s probably going to try to do the same thing again with the hitman. Again. This isn’t so much an ending as a variation on the beginning, is my point.

Chapter Text

It’s 2:15 am and we focus on a hotel room as, on the air, a chipper Jack is on the air talking to someone from Mountain View. In the studio, the caller asks Jack if he’s ever lost a job – Jack laughs and says that Billy tells him that he’s “hangin’ by a thread.” Billy nods enthusiastically. The caller continues by asking if a girl has ever walked out on Jack. Jack says that every guy has had a girl walk out at least once and asks if this is 20 questions. I think 20 questions is generally less depressing.

In the hotel room, we see one guy asleep or passed out, while the other one is listening to Jack. For the sake of clarity I’m going to use their names even though we don’t find them out for quite a while. The caller asks Jack how he changed his luck. The man in the hotel room, Pete, bitterly suggests that first you needs some luck to change. In the studio, Jack is even less helpful, suggested betting on black, planting onions under a full moon, and kissing your elbow. Billy shakes his head as Jack says that’s not right. That changes you into a girl. Then Jack suggests kissing frog, except that turns you into a prince, but only if you’re a lady. Then he starts singing “Luck be a lady tonight.” Billy looks like I feel.

I don’t know what drugs you’re on Jack but maybe save them until you’re off air. The poor caller, who honestly seemed to be having a bad time, hasn’t said anything in a while. I hope he hasn’t gone off and shot himself. Anyway, Jack realises that he’s “officially losing it” and goes to an ad break, even though they came back from a break literally less than a minute ago. In the hotel room, Pete muses that “these days you gotta make your own luck.” 

Daytime, and Billy is in a meeting with Devon. Billy, when do you sleep? You’re always in before Jack is and we saw last episode that you also produce the show after his. Devon’s unseen secretary buzzes her that there’s a ‘Kenneth Miller’ here to see her. Billy is immediately star-struck, wondering what he wants. I love how in TV and movies all names are unique. There could only be one Kenneth Miller in the whole of San Francisco, obviously. (Full disclosure, I’m the only person with my name where I live, but I’m a weirdo.)

Devon seems much less impressed, and coolly says to send Mr Miller in. A man in late middle-age walks in and greets her warmly, offering her his hand. She says that it’s a nice surprise, which I guess is Devon-speak for “WTF is with dropping in without an appointment?” She introduces Billy as the producer of Midnight Caller, so I guess either him working with jazz guy in the other episode was either a one-off, or the writers just forgot…

Miller greets a thrilled Billy and tells him that he’s followed his career since he hosted the morning show on KSFS ten years ago. From host to producer doesn’t seem like the greatest career trajectory, let alone from morning show to midnight. What did you do, Billy? Miller says that his studio has hired several broadcasters straight out of San Francisco state. Oh, so maybe that was a college radio station. That would make more sense. Devon invites Miller to sit down.

Miller tells Devon that he’d like to “buy Jack Killian.” So many innuendos and so little time. Billy almost explodes with glee when Miller says he’d also like to buy Billy and put them on his air. Damn it, Miller, I’m already struggling not to write innuendos without you saying things like that. Anyway, Devon looks startled and less than thrilled. Miller says that Jack and Billy belong on television. I know where Jack belongs.

Damn it, look what you made me do, Miller. (That was the first shot of Jack in bed I could find.)

Devon says they’re Jack and Billy aren’t for sale, and you see Billy’s little heart break.

Miller says that it would be a considerable bump in salary and… Billy’s loyalty to KJCM hits the bumpers. He says that “there’s only one problem, I’ve never worked in television.” Two problems, Billy, remember Devon who JUST said your contract isn’t for sale? Miller says that Jack hasn’t either, but he’s a natural, and that Billy should think it over. Jack on live television. There’s a truly hilarious and horrifying thought.

Miller stands up and asks Devon for permission to speak to Jack. Devon, who’s understandably more than a bit peeved, asks what happens if she says no. Miller smirks that it’s a courtesy, and that surely she doesn’t want to stand in the way of what’s best for Jack and Billy? What, like how you courteously turned up without an appointment and courteously appealed directly to Billy?

Devon says she wants that too, that’s why she thinks they should stay at KJCM. To be fair, she also needs to do what’s best for the station. She’s got a business to run, dude. Miller smirks and suggests that Jack might have other ideas about what’s best for him. Yeah, you don’t know Jack at all do you, Miller?

Billy, who cannot read a room to save his life, burbles happily that Miller remembers him from KFSF. 10 cookies says he never heard of you before some assistant gave him a briefing on you, Billy. Devon gives him a truly impressive icy glare and he stops talking.

Dramatic 80s music plays as a car drives around a parking lot. It’s not a very menacing location so they’ve got almost lighting but that just makes it hard to tell what’s going on. Pete is illuminated by the headlights of an arriving car. Bad guys get out of the car. You can tell they’re bad because it’s pitch dark and they’re wearing sun glasses. Also one of them is your typical henchman beef cake and the other one is a smirking teenager, Elton Strawberry who appears in several other episodes. Elton is selling guns out of the back of his car. He’s taken off his sunglasses but he’s still wearing a shiny red jacket and a strange hat. It’s like seeing some kind of strange proto-hipster.

After letting him rattle his spiel for a bit, the Pete asks for a Winchester which he’s told is “an old man’s gun.” Elton is even less impressed to be told that he wants a “model ’72.” Dude, you really shouldn’t ask for something so individual, it’s going to make it much easier to track back to you. Elton turns to the formerly sleeping guest, Tex, who is in his thirties with light hair. He wants a sawn-off pump with a pistol grip. This is apparently very funny. I don’t know how Elton makes any sales with his crappy customer service skills. Tex says that his hands shake and if he has an UZI (which Elton offered) then he’ll kill 20 people. Elton doesn’t see a problem with that and turns to the final member of the trio: who asks for two .44 magnum handguns and hollow point bullets. Elton is starting to get a bit suspicious, which isn’t helped by then being asked for a Walther for the “wheelman.” Is the driver James Bond? Anyway, they bicker about the price and how identifiable the guns will be as if the whole point of buying from a teenager in a parking lot isn’t about them being off the record. Elton complains that he’s working his way through law school. Dressed like that?  

Miller is meeting Jack at Jack’s house. Jack tells Miller that he’s been “the voice of the Bay Area” for a long time and “I watched your hair turn gray, y’know?’ Hmm. I can’t imagine what that’s like.

Miller says that he’s more than a pretty face (debatable) but majority shareholder of the station. Smart, for him. Dumb for the station. Jack offers him a beer, which is declined. Miller makes it clear that he’s still getting the job done, so to speak, and that Jack has some “rough edges” but that he can make it big, with Miller’s help. Saying Jack has “rough edges” to get rid of is like saying that your diet will work great just as soon as you get rid of all the healthy eating.

Jack’s taste in art is more modern than I would have guessed.

Jack points out he has no experience and Miller handwaves this away. Jack has “presence” which is the “keystone of credibility.” That is both completely believable and totally terrifying. Jack doesn’t query this but asks if it doesn’t matter that he’s not a journalist. Miller says that TV news isn’t about journalism but “numbers, drama.” Urgh. Miller says that he’s looking to “pass the baton” and that all Jack’s suits will be custom made and his name will be on billboards. Jack doesn’t point out that he is not a suit-wearing guy, let alone a bespoke suit guy, but he does snort at Miller’s assertion that he will make Jack a star.

Wait, we know what happens after powerful older men offer to make attractive, younger people “stars,” don’t we?

Jack does, because he tells Miller to save that line “for the bimbos.” There’s a word I haven’t heard in quite a while. Miller replies that “a bimbo is just someone that hasn’t worked out what he’s worth on the open market. You’re working for close to scale.” I don’t think that Miller is using the same definition of “bimbo” as the rest of us. He tells Jack to think of a 6 figure salary and that he can get endorsements and “a piece of the merchandising.” Jack finds this as funny as I do. But seriously, Miller, what the hell WOULD he endorse, the Samaritans? Bullet-proof vests? And what kind of merchandising are we talking about here: Jack Killian action figures?

Okay, fine. I would totally buy a Jack Killian action figure. It would have to come with a leather jacket, cigarette, and a gun. Oh, and the radio studio would have to be available to buy separately.

Driving along, Jack and Devon are discussing Miller’s offer. Jack points out that he hasn’t said he’s interested and Devon says that she wants him to say if he’s unhappy.

Outside the Market Street bank In another car Pete and his little group have added another guy and some guns. Pete tells the driver to wait for them. Then he makes a not very veiled threat to his family if he bails on them

Devon parks the car outside the bank. Jack says that nobody has ever offered him that much money before. Devon says that he’s worth it and she just wishes that she could match the offer. This is an excellent approach to dealing with Jack, who says “you made me.” Devon smirks and says “you should be so lucky.” Jack agrees, and goes inside the bank.

The bank robbers watch a security van depart. The leader turns to Tex in the back and asks if he’s okay. He is, he doesn’t like waiting around. Someone is going to hate the rest of this episode. The robbers get out of the car and into the bank.

The driver parks behind Devon with the engine running. He puts the hood up as an excuse to the traffic cop who comes along. She then tells Devon she needs to move as she’s parked in a red zone. Devon makes a weak excuse about Jack being inside and then moves the car.

Inside the bank, Jack is in line to pay in a check. He immediately notices that the entering bank robbers are behaving suspiciously and warns a teller to press the “211 silent alarm.” She does, just as the bank robbers, who aren’t wearing masks or any kind of disguises, shoot out the security cameras. Pete sends Tex over the counter as he continues to yell that he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. The female security guard begins to go for her gun. (There are a lot of female authority figures in this episode. Good job, show.) The band robber notices and threatens her but she continues. Jack hurls himself at her yelling “too late,” because Pete already has his gun on her.

Jack disarms her and assures Pete that “she’s just doing her job, pal.” She bitterly says that she’s trying to. Jack slides the gun away and tells the robber to shoot him if there’s a problem. Pete says to count on it, and also asks Jack who he is. Jack says he’s just a guy trying to keep people alive. Pete says he’s watching him.

Tex is threatening the bank manager and takes him out to the vault.

Two cops, a mixed gender salt-and-pepper team, take the call about the robbery and put on the siren.

Tex drags the bank manager down the stairs to the vault.

The cops are getting closer.

Tex is completely freaking out about being buried alive.

Pete is getting antsy about how much time this is taking. Outside the getaway driver is wondering how much longer he can pull off his ‘duh, the engine no working’ routine.

The bank staff and customers are sat huddled on the floor. Tex arrives with the contents of the vaults. The robbers prepare to leave… but the cops still have the sirens on just as they arrive. Great job turning a robbery into a hostage situation cops and robbers.

The aggressive robber by the door, who threatened Elton before, takes it on himself to take potshots at the police. Yeah, that always ends well. Especially when we see even more police cars arriving. He manages to shoot the female police officer and the cops go nuts returning fire wildly.

Inside the bank, a young boy starts crawling across the floor. His mother fails to grab him back but Jack hauls him back and covers him.

The robbers are trying to leave but it’s no dice with the hail of bullets outside. Pete tells Tex to “buy us some time” so Tex grabs the bank manager and drags him to the front door as a human shield. Well, that whole situation escalated quickly.

Miller, from way back before the bank stuff, is at work, walking and talking on a headset, demanding vans, and cameras, and microphones. He tells the unseen person to take the van from a story on old folk’s homes and to use slow-motion and action replay on the killings. You know, in case there was a tiny sliver of doubt about him being a completely soulless monster. He’s like that character in the Jake Gyllenhal movie, Nightcrawler. Only older and better groomed.

At the bank, Pete seems surprised that the cops have surrounded the bank. He announces that they have to “re-group” but they’re all in one room already. Anyway, he finds Jack, addresses him as “you, guy,” and tells him to get up and very slowly take off his belt. Kinky. He stares at Jack and asks Jack if he knows him. Jack quickly says he’d remember if they’d met. Pete is unconvinced and says they have some kind of history. He tells Jack his has “cop eyes” and to turn around with his hands behind his back. He then ties Jack’s hands behind his back. Yeah dude, definitely tie up the person who stopped you and the security guard from shooting each other. Idiot. Also, tying someone’s hands with their belt isn’t really practical unless their wrists are about as wide as their waist.

Gary Cole grimaces and grunts like he’s been tightly manacled though, so that’s something.

Outside, Carl has arrived. Hurrah. The SWAT team leader tells Carl they know nothing about the robbers – not who they are or what they want. “They wanted to rob the bank,” Carl points out. Poor Carl is surrounded by idiots. He says he’s going to set up his command post across the street. He issues some orders which includes repeated grabbing the same one officer to give increasingly specific instructions, because apparently that one officer struggles to walk and breath at the same time. Devon runs over and Carl irritably says he can’t talk to the media at the moment. Why is she even allowed that close to the police operation? Devon says she’s not the media at the moment – Jack is in the bank. Carl is incredulous and asks what she means and did Jack go in the bank after the robbers? There’s a brief funny moment as Devon says no, he went in to cash a cheque.

Inside, the robber points at the teller who pressed the silent alarm, and tells her to stand up and take off her pantyhose, they’re a little short of rope. Some people who find that easier sat down, man. She begs him not to hurt her and silently asks permission to do it in an office. He lets her and agrees to look away to spare her blushes. He looks away but the camera zooms in. Bad camera! Then Pete tells her not to be so upset and to have the bank pay for some counselling.

Outside, the sniper team can see hostages.

Inside, the gun happy robber says they need to put a man up top to stop the police coming in that way. Pete says they won’t do that as long as they have hostages. He puts the poor teller next to the bank manager in front of the main doors along with the security guard.

In Carl’s command post, which seems to be someone’s house, he’s giving more detailed orders about the phone lines etc. He doesn’t want the press calling because then “they’ll be all over us to let them go.” I’m unclear who will be demanding that who be let go. Then he addresses a man sat at a desk. He asks where Joe is, apparently he’s stuck in traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge. But it’s okay this guy has done negotiation before. Just never on his own. Carl facepalms but says they’ll work together and to make the call.

In the bank, the telephone rings. Tex shoots the telephone, actually thanks to a SFX failure he appears to vaporise the phone. See, this is why the poor tellerwas so scared. Jack gives him the evil eye. The leader tells Tex to calm down, which is a little late. Jack should also try to calm down, he’s breathing so heavily he’s going to start hyperventilating. Jack says that they’ll call back. Which will be interesting given the whole ‘vaporised the telephone’ thing. Pete says it’ll take them a few minutes to ‘patch in a new line.’ Jack says that he seems to know a lot. It’s unclear what Jack is hoping to achieve with this approach since all it does is spur the suspicious comment that Pete was thinking the same thing about him.

Outside, and the hostage situation is big news with hilariously enormous satellite dishes everywhere. Oh good, Miller has just arrived. Having him chauffer driven and having the chauffer open his door for him is a nice touch that really cements the kind of person he is. He walks past Billy, throwing out a compliment, and breezes past the police tape. I’m a bit surprised that this character never gets used again given how well defined he is but I’m also relieved. He’s impressively repellent.

Miller gets stopped by the SWAT guys who sadly only demand to know what he’s doing rather than actually throwing him on his ass. He casually says that they’re trying to get a better angle, “surely you can understand that?’ The SWAT guy tells him that what he understands is that if Miller doesn’t get on the other side of the tape, the SWAT guy is going to shove his press pass up Miller’s nose. Ah, the 80/90s, where your show occasionally deals with drugs, prostitution, and the like but you can’t threat to shove something where the sun doesn’t shine. Miller lamely says he won’t forget it, and stomps off.

In the bank, they can hear Miller reporting “live from the Market Street Bank!” Gosh, you guys, maybe he make you stars too! The only useful info he has is that the police officer has been wounded. It’s very OTT and melodramatic, going on about the terror that the little boy must feel and how cowardly the bank robbers are. A (presumably different) telephone starts to ring again but this time instead of shooting it, Tex complains at being called a coward since Miller doesn’t even know them. He knows you used a human shield, Tex, that’s not exactly heroic.

Jack is getting twitchy about the ringing phone. He asks if they’re going to answer, and Pete sarcastically addresses him as ‘lifesaver’ and says he’s going to let Jack talk to them. Probably because he’s getting fed up of Jack butting in.

At some point they untied Jack, but we don’t see it. Jack answers the phone with ‘yeah, I’m listening.’ The negotiator introduces himself as Officer Clark and says that everything is fine. Way to establish yourself as a liar, Clark. He asks who he’s speaking to and Jack look at Pete who gives no response. Jack identifies himself only by his first name.

In the command post, Clark mouths “Jack Killian?” at Carl who nods and looks like he might throw up. Clark tells Jack that he needs to speak directly to the person in charge and if Pete were more on the ball he’d realise right then and there that the cops know exactly who Jack is. Anyway, Pete is not for talking to Clark. Clark asks what the bank robbers want and Pete yells at Tex to bring ‘that girl’ over. So good job telling the cops the nickname of one of your gang, Pete. Jack points out that ‘it’s no giant mystery’ what a bunch of bank robbers want. As Tex brings the female teller away from the doors, Pete yells that if the police enter the building he’ll kill her. She pleads with Tex not to hurt her.

Jack tells Pete that nobody is dead yet, they should end it now before things go too far. Pete responds by putting the negotiator on hold. He asks Jack if he has any idea how much prison time he’s facing? Jack plays dumb. Pete says he’s got a record so he’s looking at 10-20 years and will come out an old man. Jack says that at least he’ll be alive. Pete says that Jack is his ticket out of there and that they’re all going to Mexico. (Has that ever worked? Plus Mexico would happily send you right back, Pete.) Jack agrees and says he just wants everyone to make it out alive. Pete gets annoyed saying that’s not Jack’s choice. He calls Jack a ‘son of a….’ and then asks if he always takes this many chances. Says the man who tried to rob a bank and ended up in a hostage situation. Jack deflects by saying what he’s worried about is being down to his last cigarette, which he takes out and puts in his mouth.

Literally blowing smoke.

In the command centre, Jack comes through on the telephone saying they’re ready to deal. Clark answers, “We’re ready to listen and help, Killian.”

Carl cringes and then facepalms because somehow he knows that nobody in the bank knew who Jack was and Clark has just massively screwed up. Damn it, Clark!

Pete terminates the call and tries to work out where he knows Jack’s name from and, crucially, how the police know it. Jack tries to argue that Pete’s attention was distracted and he just didn’t register it. No use though as Pete has realised that Jack is ‘the Nighthawk, you’re dangerous.’ I know he sounds like a Golden Age comic book character, Pete, but he’s just a radio host. He’s only dangerous to himself, and when he accidentally inspires vigilantes.

Finished that cigarette quickly.

Pete garbles a reference to the ‘changing your luck’ conversation that Jack had at the beginning of the episode and somehow Jack works out that he listens to Midnight Caller. Pete says he’s not interested in anything a cop has to say. Jack points out that he’s an ex-cop, and Tex looks cartoonishly horrified. Tex, there are dozens of police officers outside already. What’s one ex-cop inside gonna do? Tex shoves the teller away and threatens to shoot Jack. He also says ‘it looks like you’re gonna be buried in that jacket, cop!’ which is a really random piece of dialogue. Although he might be right. Jack does love his chunky leather jacket. Pete tells Tex to put the gun down. Tex gets hysterical, putting the gun and a knife down, suggesting Pete do the same, and telling Jack to go for the gun. I guess this is Tex’s idea of a duel. Jack doesn’t respond. After a couple of seconds, Pete tells Tex that there’s no “percentage” in killing Jack at the moment. Plus the cops would probably storm the bank if they thought you’d started killing hostages. Tex reluctantly picks up his weapons but tells Jack that they’re not through yet. He also manages to make “cop” sound incredibly insulting. He drags the poor teller back to the doors and she starts sobbing.

Pete looks like he’s suddenly realised that he’s totally screwed but tells Jack he hopes he won’t regret stopping Tex from killing him. Jack smugly says that he won’t. Pete, possibly annoyed by Jack’s totally lack of care in whether he lives or dies, clarifies that he’s not “one of the sisters of mercy” and that he’s only keeping Jack alive because he’s useful. When he’s more useful dead then he’ll be killed. Jack sarcastically says that it’s a real incentive.

In the command post, Carl takes the phone from Clark, telling him that it isn’t “on the job training.” He then mutters “Killian!” under his breath while making a call. Look what you did, Clark, you made Carl sad.

In the bank, a cute bearded hostage hangs his head. Tex stalks around and, annoyed by the sound of a siren, punches a sign. Jack and Pete exchange looks at how quickly Tex is unravelling. Tex then stomps over to the glass doors. Jack, who Tex is too far away to hear, tells Pete that Tex is a problem. Pete says that Tex was a prison of the Viet-Cong for 6 months, a lot of that time in a tiger cage – that’s a cage that’s too small to allow you to stand up fully or lie down outstretched. Pete explains that you pass out from the heat, are awakened by the pain, and start over again. Pete says that he and Tex did some time together at Huntsville. The only place where Tex can be happy now is on a boat way out at sea. Jack, who hasn’t said anything throughout this monologue, asks what’s in Mexico. Pete says it’s a jumping off place, a good place to get lost. He says they’ll get off somewhere and maybe get a cat. Jack clarifies a catamaran. Nope! A cat. A tabby. Jack flippantly agrees that tabbies are nice. It’s a lovely little bit of dialogue that feels very natural and realistic. Although ginger cats are the best, Pete.

Jack asks if Pete has a family. Pete says just Tex, and for a second I wonder if he means like a brother or like a boyfriend. Pete says that his wife got tired of waiting, which doesn’t clear up my confusion. He says that seven years is a long time in an empty bed. He seems pretty sympathetic to his ex-wife, which is another nice piece of characterisation. He tells Jack to call up the negotiator. He says he needs a van but I can’t make out if he says ‘slap-sided’ or ‘slab-sided’ or something else. Jack tells the cops that they need a van. Carl asks how big and where they want it parked. Pete tells Jack to put the call on hold – he’s realised that the police have switched negotiators. Jack suggests that Clark didn’t work out. Pete agrees. He asks if Jack knows this one. Jack says that Carl is a good friend. Pete says that the cops have 10 minutes to provide the van or he kills a hostage. Carl asks for some patience. Pete is having none of that. In fact, he also wants an executive jet with full tanks of fuel. He wants clearance at the security checkpoints. Jack just barely stops himself from rolling his eyes. He tells Pete he needs to slow down.

Tex suddenly and without warning, opens the glass doors and takes a few shots at the cops. Then he ducks back so he’s not exposed but the poor teller, guard and bank manager still are. Way to be a hero, Tex. Fortunately Carl yells at the SWAT not to return fire. As we shift to their perspective we see that the police can’t even SEE the bank manager and others, so they’re in horrible danger of being shot for absolutely no reason.

Pete bitches at Tex “that wasn’t very bright.” Tex claims he was trying to show that they were serious, and not just that he snapped. Pete says that he actually showed the cops that the robbers are stupid.

Outside, Miller is doing a live broadcast and saying that shots have been fired.

In the bank, they listen to Miller claiming that the situation has become critical and that incident lives hang in the balance. He tries to whip up some hysteria by saying that he can only imagine what’s happening to the poor hostages and that the “nooses are being drawn tight by the cowardly hands of ruthless killers.” I don’t think they can be cowardly and ruthless. Tex angrily tells the hostages that, “we’re treating you good, right?” Sure Tex, whatever you say, just please put the gun down. Instead he sinks down onto the floor and moans that people think he’s crazy. Then he screams “do you think I’m crazy?!?’ at the hostages.

Hint: Yes. Yes they do.

Jack and Pete exchange nervous looks

In a diner, the driver, has managed to escape the police cordon and is phoning home on the payphone to make sure everything is okay. He tells his wife he loves her too and to kiss Mary for him. Aww.

Outside the bank, Devon and Billy are at the KJCM mobile studio/van. Why do they even have that? Billy is reporting to… someone that there’s no official word on demands and that his “sources” have told him that negotiations have reached an impasse. I strongly suspect that Billy’s sources are Tex screaming and shooting wildly at the police. That’s a pretty good sign of reaching an impasse in anyone’s book. Whomever Billy is talking to say that they received it and that they’ll keep the line open. So I guess he’s recording a report for the station to broadcast. Tellingly, they don’t mention that Jack is in the bank, because they’re not sensationalist assholes like Miller.

Devon, looking drawn, walks away from the van and past Miller. She doesn’t acknowledge him but he starts walking with her saying, “pretty good show so far,” and it’s unclear if he means his, hers, or the episode. Devon packs an impressive amount of disgust into “good show?” Miller points out that you can’t buy publicity like Jack is getting. Why would you want to? And that if Jack gets out of the bank alive “he can write his own ticket, maybe get a network job.” So, I guess Miller isn’t on a network. Devon points out the if in that sentence. Miller says that’s what makes it exciting, because he is a goddamn psychopath. Devon sneers that no story is worth a life, and walks away. Miller calls after her than he can see that she cares for Jack a great deal and “if he stays with you, you can give him something I can’t.” The implication is clearly that what she’ll be giving Jack is her and it’s not an implication that escapes Devon. Miller doesn’t back down and retorts that he didn’t inherit his station (technically neither did she) and that he worked for it. He calls her “my sweet” (euw) and says that he was interviewing presidents when she was in diapers. And yet the SWAT guy threw you out and everyone hates you, Miller.

He tells his cameraman to get photos of the negotiation and Devon says he should do that, she’d love to see him in jail. Which would be especially hilarious since pictures of the negotiation would just be Carl on the telephone. Miller gets his big “I AM” on and insists that the police will “do it for me, Miss King.” Spoiler alert: they won’t, and it’s hilarious. Devon isn’t phased by this, remember she is actually on friendly terms with the police involved, and asks Miller what happened to him. He used to be one of the greats. Despite his assertion that he can still get it done, Devon tears him apart: pointing out that he’s not a journalist anymore, he’s a promoter, he trades humanity for ratings points and audience shares. This really feels like Miller is based on or representing someone specific but I don’t have any idea who

Back in the bank, Tex is gettig antsy. Again. Some more. He’s by the doors while Carl is making excuses. Tex, without checking his watch or a clock, suddenly announces that the 10 minutes are up and he doesn’t see a van. He grabs the poor teller, who must be really regretting pushing that silent alarm, and says that she’s out of time. Jack pleads with him not to do it, that it’s a “bad move.” Tex is unmoved until Pete chimes in, telling Tex to leave her alone. Seriously Tex, at least menace someone else if you really have to be a violent dick.

Oh, evidently, Pete agrees because he tells Tex to shoot the manager instead. Jack isn’t down with that plan either, and intently tells Pete that he doesn’t have to shoot anyone to establish his credibility. If they shoot a hostage then the cops are going to respond aggressively and Pete will be out of options. Also his 10-20 years be wildly optimistic. Tex insists that they need a van, and Jack angrily retorts that “the guys who have to approve this won’t even approve pay rises for cops!” Comparing bank robbers and cops there, Jack, and expecting the bank robbers to agree that cops deserve pay rises. Things get very tense with Tex looking like he’s about to shoot the first person to look at him funny. Jack tells him that if they give up now they could be looking at 5 years with time off. Tex has no intention of going back to prison. Jack is starting to panic a little bit but suggests sending the bank manager out, unharmed, to tell the cops that they’re serious, not crazy etc. Pete starts moving towards Tex. He tells him that Jack is right. They get the bank manager up along with the mother and child. He tells them to tell the police that the next hostages to come out, are coming out dead. So, zombies?

Carl is at the police station for some reason. It’s not explained why he’s upped and abandoned the bank or who’s in charge while he’s not there. He’s interviewing the bank manager while walking up the stairs, as you do, when Miller appears out of nowhere announces “this is Kenneth Miller, live!” and grabs the bank manager to one side. I have so many questions about this, starting with how has Miller had a career lasting more than 5 minutes if this is how he behaves?

Carl is too startled to make a significant fuss and actually lets Miller ask the deeply traumatised eye witness extremely leading questions like “are the cowards threatening to take innocent lives?”

“Well, yes,” says the bank manager with a masterful use of the silent “duh!”

In the bank, Tex is again complaining about being described as a coward. Waah, waah. If they’re aiming for sympathy they’ve missed it. He moans some more about his military record but you know what, if you want me to believe he’s not a coward then don’t have him use hostages as human shields.

At the station, Carl finally steps in, asking to look at the camera and Miller patronisingly tells him that he’s “a little busy right now.” Carl says he is too but he “loves these things.” He loves it so much he yanks it off the cameraman, comments on how light it is, and hurls it down the stairs where it explodes.

They don’t get much SFX in Midnight Caller. This might be why…

“Oops!” says Carl, grinning. Not grinning – the two police officers he nearly hit with the world’s only exploding video camera. “I hate when they do that!” Carl says. He’s getting all the funny stuff this episode. As Miller glares, Carl retrieves his witness and leads him off.

A pizza delivery dude walks out of the pizza place carrying a stack of pizzas. He’s barely a couple of feet away when the getaway driver, who really should’ve cut his losses hours ago, uh, pizza-jacks him. He shoves him into a convenient alley and apparently beats him up.

Tex is clutching the teller like a teddy bear as he announces that it’s been an hour and there’s no van. You should’ve let her go, Pete, because Tex is really committed to shooting the poor woman. Pete defers to Jack, because Pete really doesn’t want to shoot anyone, but Jack can only tell Tex that he doesn’t know. But he has a lightbulb moment as he tells Tex that he doesn’t think he’s going to kill anyone. Tex whines that he is, but Jack would like to expand on his thesis: Tex isn’t going to shoot anyone because he’s not a coward. I’m choosing to believe that Jack is playing on Tex’s pride, because that would be smart, and not that he actually believes it. Because that would be very stupid. Jack isn’t academic particularly but he’s not stupid. Anyway, Tex accuses Jack of blowing smoke (see above!) but Jack says that Tex keeps saying he isn’t a coward and only a coward would kill an unarmed woman. Or man. Let’s not be sexist, Jack.

Jack has finally remembered the premise of the show, and asks if Tex would like “equal time,” he’ll put them on the radio and let them tell their side of the story. Pete, who has completely moved over to team Jack, tiredly says that they want a van and an airplane, not a shot at This is Your Life. Jack says he’s trying to get them a van. He says that so far they’ve “played it by the rules” but that the cops don’t that.

Annnd then we see that Jack has left the phoneline open and Carl is listening to this entire exchange. See, not academic but definitely not stupid. Carl agrees.

Jack goes to the phone and asks Carl to set up a second telephone line and have Billy patch him through on the air. Sucks to be whoever is hosting the show Jack will be interrupting. Carl again says it’s going to take time.

Outside, Miller has returned. Oh, happy day. He tells the driver to get the backup camera and they’ll be back on air in 2 minutes.

Telephone lines and radio hook-ups are clearly easy to arrange than vans, because Billy – in the KJCM van – is patching Jack through onto the radio. As Jack explains he’s live inside the bank, Devon paces nervously.

You know, if the robbers asked Miller he’d probably be happy to let them use his van, as long as he got to ride along.

As Miller tries to make nothing happening sound interesting, one of his team tells him that Jack is on air from inside the bank. Miller is reduced to standing in front of the camera, holding a radio playing Jack’s interview, and saying that they’ll be returning to the studio for an update. Upstaged by radio.

Jack is interviewing Tex as Miller demands a direct line into the bank, and he doesn’t care what it costs. “This is my story!” he declares. They’re already being interviewed by someone who’s earned their trust so why they would suddenly talk to Miller I don’t know. Between this and Deacon I’m thinking that someone has a very poor view of reporters…

Jack asks Tex how he won his silver star. As he relates the story we see Devon still pacing and a group of people in a pizza restaurant listening to him on their portable radio. I hate it when people play their music in public. I definitely wouldn’t be thrilled at someone on the radio snivelling about his war record when I was trying to enjoy my pizza. Huh, I didn’t realise how much I dislike Tex.

The hostages are all looking tired and fed up. And hungry, presumably, I haven’t seen any suggestion of bringing in food. Bad job, Carl. Jack refers to Tex as Pete’s brother, which I assume is a mistake since Pete specifically said that they met in Huntsville, and says that with a good lawyer he could get into a VA rehab centre not a cell. That doesn’t sound right. PTSD is definitely a genuine thing and people should get the treatment they need, but it’s not an excuse for robbing a bank and repeatedly threatening to murder people.

At the command post, Carl and the cops are listening to the interview. It must’ve been a hell of a traffic jam since it’s now night time and Joe the negotiator still hasn’t arrived.

In the bank, Pete sarcastically asks Jack if he’s going to set up the defence fund. Jack says he’s just trying to help. Pete is losing patience and tells Jack to get them a van.

Outside the getaway driver is using his hijacked-pizzas as a way to approach Miller’s television van. Although since all he does he point a gun at the guy in the back he really didn’t need the pizzas. Damn, I need to stop typing “pizza” it’s making me hungry. The getaway driver jumps into the driver’s seat and drives off, with the door open, nearly flattening Miller. So close! He drives through the police tape, through a parking barrier, across the road, and right up to the door of the bank. He yells at the aggressive bank robber to get in and the aggressive bank robber demands to know where he’s been. These guys aren’t exactly the brains trust.

The cops in the command post hesitate to fire because they don’t know WTF is going on. I like an armed man who won’t shoot until he knows all the facts.

In the bank, the robbers grab hostages as human shields and head to the door. Pete grabs Jack, who asks him not to get anyone killed, and Tex of course grabs the poor teller.

In the command post, the sniper says that the van is blocking his shot on the door.

In the bank, Pete has swapped hostages with Tex. Probably because he knows at the first loud noise Tex is going to shoot. The aggressive robber jumps into the van.

The SWAT commander orders that the truck can’t be allowed to leave, and the cops shoot the crap out of the van. Inside the van, the getaway driver suddenly realises this is dangerous and he drives off with the aggressive robber, leaving Tex and Pete inside the bank, one man down.

The van skids to a halt and the aggressive robber jumps out, and stands in the middle of the pavement wielding two guns, and shooting wildly. The police in the armoured car outside the bank shoot him dead. Idiot.

The getaway driver gives himself up.

In the bank, Pete asks Tex if he can do jail time. Tex, who doesn’t seem to be quite following events, whines that he wants to go South. Pete groans and asks the teller if she wants to go to Mexico. She does not.

Outside, Miller approaches some other broadcaster and, without even saying hello, offers them $5000 a minute for a microwave link to his studio. Devon wanders past and sweetly says she wishes she could help but she didn’t inherit one of those. The broadcaster turns Miller down flat.

In the bank, Jack, who is now one side of a counter, yells to Pete, on the other side, that they need to give up. Pete retorts that Jack hasn’t been right about anything yet. Jack says that means he’s due. Pete pretty obviously isn’t expecting to survive this anymore and he asks Tex if he’s ready. Then he pushes the teller further back and tells her to stay there until it’s over. Pete says goodbye to Jack, grabs Tex, and they run out. The camera stays on Jack, hugging the sobbing teller, as we hear the shots ringing out. That poor woman. She even has to move Jack’s arm because he’s holding her too tightly.

Immediately outside the bank, Carl is practising his hero pose, legs apart and hands in pockets, as Jack emerges and says goodbye to the teller. Jack asks Carl if he knows anything about Pete. Yup, his name was Pete Holden.

Jack rests his forehead on Carl’s shoulder. Then he gently punches Carl on the shoulder a few times, because men cannot possibly hug each other, and thanks him. Carl gives him a shoulder rub as he walks off. Oh you boys.

Devon does get a hug and Billy gets a companionable arm around the shoulders as Jack walks off with them. This last few minutes is a tiny little class in body language to define relationships.

Annnd just to ruin everything, Miller stops them on the way to congratulate Jack on a great show and say “too bad they can’t merchandise courage.” Excuse me while I throw up. Billy keeps walking while Jack and Devon stop. Jack stares at him for a moment and then asks if he put the bank manager on the air. Miller did and is proud of it. He waves off Jack’s assertion that he put innocent lives in jeopardy. Miller says that nobody who matters is dead. He rants that he got the story and the facts, first and best. I’m fairly sure that neither is true. He claims to serve the public interest. Jack rolls his eyes and he and Devon begin to walk away. Miller angrily calls “Killian!” Rude. Then he says that nobody gets a second chance to turn their back on him. Jack has a long, horrible day and he has had enough. He yells at Miller that wasn’t a story, that was real. Miller seems unable to work out what his point is and Jack gives up and walks away with Devon.

On Midnight Caller, Jack alludes to the hostage situation obliquely by saying that “something happened” that reminded him of being a cop. That every day he was forcibly reminded of the “fragility of life, of how thin the thread is that binds us to this life.” He continues in this vein for a little bit, saying that as a cop on the street you never hear the bullet so you don’t have time to put your affairs in order. Death happens while you’re making other plans. “The next time you wake up on the ragged edge of a morning and there’s no coffee in the house and you’re late for work and you go to work and there’s somebody else sitting behind your desk, on days like that it’s worth remembering that however thin that thread is, it is worth grasping for, because life is the best deal we got going.” I like the sentiment and love ‘the ragged edge of a morning’ but the rest is a little iffy. Then he signs off. So he evidently did the whole of his show without once mentioning the hostage situation. That would be more believable if it wasn’t a call-in show. You’d think that callers would be ALL over that.

Overall, a pretty good episode. Good performances and decent writing along with a pretty strong plot really hold this together.

Chapter Text

This is one of my favourite episodes of Midnight Caller. Everything about it works very well: the basic plot of the episode fits very neatly with the premise of series, the writing is very tight, the exploration of the theme is done with a light touch, and the acting is spot on. Even the name is memorable and makes sense.

Having said that the opening shot is extremely dramatic: an empty prison corridor, lit erratically by lightning and with the sound of thunder alongside the music. We pan past empty cells until we reach John Saringo, Joe Spano, who grips the bars of his cell and stares out. The camera moves to the electric chair. As we move in on the chair the thunder and lightening increase in frequency.

A telephone rings as Devon wakes up; suggesting perhaps that the previous sequence is her nightmare. The time on her alarm reads 11:19pm. Devon answers the phone and speaks to an unnecessarily creepy-sounding Saringo who says he would like to “invite you and Jack Killian to an execution.” I don’t blame them for cutting to the credits at that point, it was a good line and pretty dramatic.

I think this is the first time that Midnight Caller tapped Hill Street Blues actors. They also have Bruce Weitz later in the show and Betty Thomas directs several episodes, which lead directly to her directing Gary Cole in The Brady Bunch Movie.

Devon’s office – a television reporter is dropping exposition that thanks to the 9^th Circuit court of appeal, California will soon be executing John Saringo, the first execution in the state since 1967. That 9^th Circuit court of appeal gets everywhere. As Devon, Jack, and Billy watch, the reporter explains that Saringo was convicted of the killing of three Bay area teenagers and that the ruling by the court was his last hope for clemency.

Devon turns off the televisions; she has four, which is a shame because without them the room is barely lit. Devon tells Jack that she couldn’t believe it at first, she thought the caller was a crank, some kind of freak. Well, yeah, John, that’s what happens when you randomly call a woman late at night without any kind of preamble. How did he get her home number anyway? Why didn’t he call the station? Jack says that Saringo isn’t exactly your all-American boy. Devon hadn’t even heard of the case before, which seems odd since he’s going to be the first execution in twenty-something years, and that morning got Billy to put the file from the library. You need some interns, Devon. Billy shouldn’t be doing scut work like that. Billy explains that there’s not much to it – 10 years ago, Saringo killed 3 teens in cold blood: two boys and a girl. He swore he was innocent which Billy seems to doubt. Devon raises the possibility that he was innocent and Jack cynically says that he’s still going to die. Jack remembers the case and seems less than enthused to be discussing it. Devon wants to do a show about capital punishment, which Jack dryly says he’s heard, and then she wants to take the show to death row. She wants to hear Saringo’s side of the story and to show listeners how a “so-called civilised society goes about its business.” It’s nice to see Devon being the impassioned one for once; alas Jack has issues with her choice of cause. Jack believes in capital punishment and that society has the right to execute murderers. Devon says that the Supreme Court agrees and that’s why they have to do it. I do wish that we could have seen Jack as a cop more, because he has such a mix of progressive and occasionally authoritarian views that reconciling them must’ve been difficult.

Devon says that the department of corrections has given them permission to spend the last night with Saringo on death row. Urgh, I wouldn’t want to do that either. Jack thinks about it for several seconds before asking how she managed that. She says with great difficulty.

Saringo is in his cell, smoking. The guard lets in the warden, who greets him as John. Saringo asks if he’s heard from “the radio people” and the warden says he spoke to “the woman” an hour ago. Rude. Saringo asks if that means that they’re coming. The warden says that the department has given the go ahead that “there seems to be some reluctance on the part of Mr Killian.” I’ll say. Also, Devon is “the woman” and Jack is “Mr Killian,” huh? Saringo seems rather surprised to hear that Jack isn’t thrilled at the idea. The warden says he doesn’t blame him and Saringo says he’s been on death row for ten years, he just wants a last chance to tell his story. Wait, so the murders, trial, and sentencing were all ten years ago? That’s an impressive turn of speed from the police and justice system…

At the station, Carl tells Jack that the arresting officer, Johnson, was 99% sure that Saringo did it. Behind Jack is an enormous, hand-made sign, declaring absolutely no smoking at any time. I wouldn’t mention it but it seems weirdly meaningful after seeing Saringo puffing away in his cell. Jack takes the offered file and begins reading while they walk deeper into the file room. Carl continues that Saringo was “smashed” when he was arrested and confessed, but not so bad that he couldn’t be Mirandised. That seems dubious at best. On the other hand, I’m very impressed with Jack’s ability to walk, read the report, and listen to Carl narrating all at the same time.

Carl says that Johnson went back the following afternoon, when Saringo was sober, and walked him through it again. Jack seems to query this point, either because it implies the first time wasn’t right, or because studies have shown that memory is extremely malleable and repeating a lie makes it more entrenched. But probably the first one. Carl waves off his query. Saringo repeated his story “word for word” which actually makes it less likely to be true in fact, and three days later recanted, saying he’d been coerced. Jack asks how well Carl knows Johnson. Carl shrugs and says well enough, everything was by the book. Jack is definitely unconvinced. Carl starts to get a little annoyed, telling Jack that if he’s looking for trouble he’s not going to find it there. Carl, Jack can find trouble anywhere. Carl says that Saringo was a monster and a stone-cold killer. Stoned cold killer, maybe. Jack says that they never found “a smoking gun” which suggests that the case was mostly based on the disputed confession. Jack tells Carl that Saringo invited them to his execution to do a death row show. Carl suggests he refuse, because if it goes wrong he could quickly become unpopular. The implication seems to be that if Saringo looks too sympathetic then the police will blame Jack. That seems mature, Carl, as well as the best possible way to get Jack to agree to the show.

The warden is lecturing the prison guards about the execution and dropping exposition left and right. He gives some details on the robbery, explains how terrible it must be for the parents, and then tells the guards that regardless of their feelings, their job is execute Saringo with dignity. He demands their professionalism no matter what. This is a nice scene that humanises the prison service as well as acknowledging the victims and their families. When shows and movies explore this issue it’s very easy for the focus on the convicted to leave the victims ignore.

At KJCM, Jack announces that it’s 12:01 and that in 24 hours the first execution since 1967 will take place. He gives some details such as the fact that it will be a gas chamber execution, and then says that they will be discussing capital punishment: does society have the right to take a life as punishment for the ultimate crime. Billy is immediately taking calls in the booth. Jack’s voice is very level and unbiased, he’s definitely not leading the listeners either way. Which is possibly a first for him. Billy puts someone through from Sunny Vale, which is odd as Jack normally does that. Sunny Vale angrily says he’s only speaking for himself but that Saringo should “fry.” Nice imagery, Sunny Vale. Jack points out that California doesn’t fry people. As Devon walks past waving Chinese takeout at Jack, Sunny Vale asks for hanging instead as it’s “slower.” Not if you do it properly, idiot. Jack says the issue isn’t how they do it but if they should.

Time skip and Jack has the remains of a Chinese meal at his desk as he talks to South City. Wait, has he been eating on air? Gross, nobody needs to hear someone else eating, especially not while discussing the death penalty. South City says that Saringo didn’t do, he did. Jack tiredly says that he’s the third “sicko” call of the evening. Great job screening calls, Billy. Jack says that’s not too bad but they’re trying to talk about something important so please keep the crap to a minimum. They he waves his hands and says “no más, no más.” I had literally no idea what that meant but Google came to my rescue and informed me that it’s Spanish for “no more.” Why Jack is randomly shouting in Spanish…

As Jack smokes a cigarette, Louise says that taking a life in vengeance makes us no better than animals and solves nothing. I’m not pro-death penalty but I’m pretty sure animals don’t execute other animals for murder. Jack asks Louise how they should deal with murderers; how do they send the message that it’s utterly unacceptable? Louise says with forgiveness because that leads to salvation and the body of Jesus Christ. We don’t see Jack’s response to that, sadly, because damn it lady, forgiveness doesn’t mean no punishment and the bible is very big on punishment. The wages of sin are death and all that.

As Devon and Billy watch, Jack takes the last call of the night: from Georgette in Fairfax. She says she’s been listening all night. Jack asks if she’s come to any conclusions. She says that her last name is “Annessio” and does that mean anything to Jack? From his expression, it’s clear that it does. She continues that it should, her son was Timothy Annessio who was 17 when he was murdered by John Saringo. As she continues talking the camera shifts to Saringo in jail, smoking and listening. Timothy was their only child, he would’ve been married now, had a family, a career, and a life.

The camera returns to Jack, zooming in on his face, as Georgette says that she’s tried to forgive Saringo for what he did but she can’t. It took “that animal” a minute to destroy what they spent a lifetime building. That’s what John Saringo did. She says that’s why she wants Saringo to die, and puts down the phone.  

San Francisco – daytime. Jack, Devon, and Billy have been listening to a tape of the show. As Georgette says that she wants Saringo to die, Devon takes out the tape. Aww, not going to listen to Jack’s sign-off, Devon? Jack slumps down onto Devon’s desk as she meekly says that she hadn’t bargained for that. Remember when you wanted to do a round-table discussion about AIDS, Devon, maybe that would’ve been a better format for this. Jack says there’s going to be more where that came from and Billy asks if she’s sure she wants to go through with this ie the broadcast from death row. Devon says she feels very strongly about it, which would be fine if she was the one who will be dealing with angry cops, members of the public, and bereaved parents. But she won’t, Jack will be. She says that she respects Jack’s stand on the issue, even though she doesn’t agree with it, but if he can’t bring himself to do the show… Jack interrupts to say that she’ll find someone else who will. She agrees. But isn’t the execution that night? She’d have to hurry and Saringo specifically asked for Jack. Fortunately, Jack seems minded to agree, but says that before she says a “Sol Vina” (Google did not come to my rescue on that one) for Saringo, Jack wants her to meet someone.

In a bar, Devon and Jack are meeting with Johnson who says he’s heard what they’re up to and he doesn’t get it. He calls Saringo a whole bunch of names, the nicest of which is classic recidivist, and Devon notices that as he does so he clenches his fist. He asks Devon if she’s ever seen a seventeen-year-old shot point blank in the face and what she’d do if it was her child. Not hearing a lot of evidence, Johnson, or a lot to suggest that you had an open mind when you interviewed Saringo. He says that if it was his kid, he’d have killed Saringo himself. As Jack groans and buries his face, Devon says that’s the best argument against capital punishment, “to protect us against our own worst instincts.” Johnson sneeringly asks if she’s a liberal and says that everyone on death row loves liberals. Again, not a good argument. Jack has had enough and says they’re not there to discuss politics, boy are you on the wrong TV show, he just wants to know how they made the case against Saringo stick. They didn’t find the murder weapon and there were no fingerprints on the cash register at the scene. Johnson asks if Jack is saying it wasn’t a good bust. Jack says he’s not saying that. The arrest doesn’t “track a straight line,” it’s not 100% clean. Midnight Caller doesn’t always make use of Jack’s history but here it works well – he’s an ex-cop so he’s exactly the right person to question the whys and wherefores of an arrest and conviction. Johnson gets pissy, saying he’s been a cop for 25 years and he’s never taken a bribe or beaten a suspect “although many’s the time I’ve wanted to.” What do you want, a round of applause? He says that he protects and serves, that’s his story, and it’s all he can tell them. So, no answer for Jack’s questions then.

Outside the prison as Devon arrives with Jack and a van following them. There are placard wielding protesters although it isn’t immediately obvious whether they’re pro or con the execution. Either way Jack is unimpressed. The protesters start cheering the van. Devon’s car is allowed past the gate and into the prison complex.

A clock reads quarter to three. Saringo is in his cell. He says it’s getting to be that time and a guard sympathetically agrees. The prison staff aren’t a big role in this but I like that their characterisation is pretty consistently people doing an unpleasant job to the best of their ability. Saringo is brought out of his cell, has his hands cuffed behind his back, and is patted down. He’s walked along the corridor, the prisoners in the other cells yell out encouragement about how it will be fast, and they can’t hurt him anymore. Saringo addresses them as brothers and says he’ll see them around. There’s something inappropriately amusing about the second guard carrying all his bedding. Saringo is brought to an otherwise empty cellblock and put in a cell with all his bedding but no other belongings. The guard addresses him as John and tells him to holler if he needs anything. Saringo calls him Ray, and thanks him politely. Saringo turns on his television and, this being a TV show, sees a reporter dropping exposition that Saringo’s execution is now less than 12 hours away. They’re executing him in the small hours of the morning? That seems unnecessarily cruel. The reporter says that Saringo fired his lawyer after the lawyer gave an interview saying he thought there was little chance of a stay of execution. Ouch.

Billy is setting up equipment for the broadcast. From off-screen we hear Jack that this is like watching a bad car wreck in slow motion. We switch to a corner of the room where Jack explains to Devon that you don’t want to look at it but you can’t help yourself. Devon asks why he wants to keep his eyes closed to what’s going on. Maybe because it’s incredibly distressing to see someone die, even if they did murder 3 people? Plus Jack was a cop, an inspector at that, so on some level he’s got to be thinking that someone he arrested might end up executed. Jack argues that he’s not got his eyes closed, he’s there, he’s doing the show. He asks Devon what her problem is. She says that she didn’t believe Johnson, he sounded like he wanted Saringo to be guilty no matter what. Jack agrees it wasn’t the “cleanest bust” he ever saw, but he believes that the system works. To be fair, he probably has to believe that or being a police officer would’ve been intolerable. He takes out a cigarette but doesn’t light it and suggests that Devon reserve judgment until she meets Saringo. Devon agrees.

They’ve set up in a largish area with a barred door behind them and cells to the right and left. Guards and the warden bring Saringo in. The warden says that everyone knows the ground rules for this interview. In a total aversion of usual narrative fiction, he doesn’t repeat the rules for the audience, instead saying that if there’s any breach of the rules he’ll pull the plug. Great phrasing to use around a man awaiting execution, warden. Then he turns to Saringo and says that any time he wants to stop it, he can. Billy is off to one side, Devon in front of Saringo on the other side of the desk, and Jack a little way behind her and to her right. I assume that wasn’t deliberate but it’d be cool if it was.

Saringo and Devon sit down, she’s clearly very nervous. Jack, still standing, asks Saringo if he wants a “cup,” of coffee presumably. Saringo says sure and asks for a couple of donuts as well. Saringo, you’re getting executed soon. You might as well eat ALL the donuts. Saringo looks at Devon and tells her that he wants her to bring him the donuts. It’s clearly a creepy power play. Jack is right by the refreshment table at this point. Jack, cigarette in mouth, waits. Devon says all right and walks over to the table. Jack’s expression suggests that this little scene isn’t doing anything to change his mind about Saringo. Devon, still visibly nervous, brings the coffee and donuts over to Saringo who seems rather surprised. He seems to reassess Devon and tells her she looks like her name, only better. I have no idea what that means. Devon addresses him as “Mr Saringo” and he interrupts to say that she’s the first woman he’s been that close to in 10 years. Pretty sure I saw some female security guards before. He seems rather emotional as he tells her that he likes her perfume and guesses that it’s expensive. Jack apparently decides that this is getting a little creepy and inappropriate and steps forward to intervene. Before he can get further than “Look… er….” Saringo addresses him as Mr Killian and asks him to call him John, if he can call him Jack. Jack says to be his guest. Saringo says that Jack is his guest, “I invited you, remember?” It’s an interesting performance. Saringo is hardly saintly.

It’s dark outside and the reporter from before states that “the scene outside the death house has taken on a party-like atmosphere.” I don’t know which part of that sentence is worse. Oh, and then he goes on to say that they’ve just learned the Jack Killian the “controversial host of KJCM radio’s Midnight Caller show is with Saringo at this moment.” I have a lot of trouble believing that KJCM hasn’t been running promo spots hyping it up. But I absolutely believe that in universe Jack is “controversial.” We’re only 6 episodes in and he’s already chatted with a serial killer, talked a gunman down from shooting his therapist, incited a woman to try to kill her one-night stand, and reported live inside a bank hostage situation.

Anyway, the reporter states that Jack was invited by Saringo to attend his execution and will discussing with Saringo his life and the violent crime that brought him to “this final rendezvous with death” (bleugh). As he’s giving Jack’s show a great free advert we see that the “party-like atmosphere” includes people drinking around bonfires and ladies singing “Amazing Grace.”

Inside the makeshift studio, Jack has now sat opposite Saringo. He has a coffee cup and an ashtray but no plate. Somehow, I am not surprised that Jack hasn’t been eating the donuts, although in a couple of episodes he seems to eat far too many Twinkies.

Saringo tells Jack that “they” tell him that cyanide smells like almonds. Bitter almonds, John. Come on, every Golden Age crime fiction fighter said that at least once. As Saringo takes out a cigarette, he explains that they take 16 pellets and put them in an acid solution. It should reach his face in 10 seconds. In 2 minutes, he’ll be unconscious. In ten minutes, he’ll be dead. That seems like a long time. Two minutes waiting to pass out sounds horrific. However, I’m feeling more immediately for Devon, Billy, and the security guard having to breathe in all of Saringo and Jack’s second-hand smoke. Devon sits down next to Jack as he asks why Saringo wants to do this. Saringo throws Jack a cigarette as he says he heard Midnight Caller the night before. He heard Timothy Annessio’s mother crying and could hear her pain. He doesn’t blame her for wanting him dead. Shouldn’t you guys wait to have this conversation on the air? Saringo claims that his “life was over before it ever began.” Then as Jack lights his cigarette for him he says that he’s getting ahead of himself. He asks where they begin.

Outside, things seem to be getting a little louder and more excited. People drinking and, weirdly, people hugging. The music seems ominous but don’t be fooled, nobody is going to break into the prison or anything. In the KJCM van, guess that gets more use than I thought, an engineer tells Jack over the radio that they’re ready to roll. Someone knocks on his door and puts an envelope through the rolled down window. The engineer throws it aside and we see that someone has cut out letters from a newspaper to address it to Jack Killian and marked it as “urgent.”

The clock says a minute to nine, so once again Jack is pre-empting someone’s show. The other KJCM radio hosts must HATE him. As they wait for the clock to tick over, and bearing in mind the 7 second delay, Saringo suddenly announces that he’d like Devon and Billy to leave. Devon’s the one marginally on your side, Saringo. No idea what Billy thinks. Devon is unimpressed with this sudden demand but Saringo explains that he can’t think with her present, it makes him remember what he’s been missing for the past 10 years. Then he says sorry, in a rather genuine tone, it’s his way or nothing. Jack gets a reaction shot but he doesn’t say anything. He and Devon look at each other, and possibly there’s a whispered conversation to quiet to hear, but Jack defers to her and she reluctantly agrees. No explanation is given for Billy needing to leave and we don’t see his reaction either. Poor Billy.

The engineer outside counts down to nine and Jack begins by saying that they’re beginning Midnight Caller a little earlier. Like three hours earlier. I wonder if he’s going to finish at twelve or if he’s just swapped around with whoever he’s replacing. Jack says that he’s going to be talking to convicted murderer John Saringo who is scheduled to be executed at 12.01. As Jack’s voice gets a slight reverb he states the details of the conviction and that Saringo claims to be innocent. Saringo blows smoke rings. As Jack continues the camera pans past the cells of the other prisoners. Jack says that Saringo is going to explain what it’s like to be on death row, facing imminent execution, and with all legal options exhausted. Jack goes to an ad break and buries his face in his hands.

We briefly see the protesters outside the prison and then cut back to the makeshift studio. The camera is now positioned in the cell to Jack’s right, so it appears as if Jack’s behind bars with Saringo. Saringo compliments Jack on the introduction and Jack says thanks, but his tone is pretty brusque and disengaged. Jack lights another cigarette as Saringo tells him smoking is bad for his health. He lists some of the likely health consequences but then says it’s not as bad as his health problem – it takes a lot to beat cyanide poisoning. Saringo is a terrible conversationalist; everything he says is always a way of complaining about his life. And rapidly approaching death. For some reason Jack is holding his cigarette in his left hand and gripping his left wrist in his right hand. It looks very strange and makes me wonder if Gary Cole hurt himself.

Anyway, Jack has no reply to this monologue and Saringo smiles and tells him to “loosen up.” Jack says that’s normally his line. Saringo thanks Jack for saying his name, which doesn’t sound like much but Joe Spano’s line reading gives it real pathos. Saringo tells Jack about a dog he had when he was a kid, a dog he loved more than any human being, and Jack says “dogs are nice.” Which is both a strange response and one which weirdly harkens back to him telling Pete “tabbies are nice” last episode, although Gary Cole’s line reading is completely different. Saringo continues that as his dog lay dying in his arms he thought if he stayed very close then she’d be with him forever. He wanted to feel her soul leaving her body and he did. It was like a warm breeze after a summer rainstorm. He tells Jack that sounds crazy. It sounds like someone who’s never held a dying animal, frankly. Jack says it doesn’t sound crazy. Saringo asks if Jack thinks he’ll be able to see Saringo’s soul when he dies. Hey, Saringo, remember how you just told Jack to loosen up? I’m pretty sure this isn’t helping. Jack simply says that he doesn’t know. Jack is distinctly closed off during this entire interaction. It’s strikingly different from his usual demeanour but Gary Cole has really been selling Jack’s quiet despair of the situation and dislike of Saringo.

Boy, this is a long ad break isn’t it?

Jack asks Saringo if he’s scared. He doesn’t answer. Then Jack’s walkie talkie makes a noise and Jack asks someone what’s up. The other person says he has an envelope for Jack. He says it’s from “some kid” and maybe a guard can get it up to him. Jack asks if they’re ready to go, and the engineer starts counting them down. Did Billy just go home?

Oh, no, he’s sat in a corridor with Devon listening on a handheld radio. Ouch. Jack sounds deeply depressed as he says where he is and with who and then says that at the moment he’s not thinking about John Saringo, because last night he talked to the mother of one of the boys that Saringo killed. As the camera watches Saringo blink rapidly while smoking, Jack says that he’s reminded that in the drama that’s unfolding it’s the families of the victims that have been forgotten. His first question to Saringo is if he’s remorseful for the pain that he’s inflicted. Saringo seems surprised but says that if by dying he can make the families feel better, then he’s ready to go. Which is a much more nuanced answer than might have been expected since we’ve been told he still claims he’s innocent. Saringo says that he’s been told that there’s a big party going on outside the prison. Urgh, imagine knowing you’re going to die and that people are celebrating. Saringo says that if he’s supposed to be the worst that society has to offer, “look at yourself. Look at what you’re doing. Look at what you’re saying. Look at the hate in your hearts and tell me I deserve to die.”

Jack says that Saringo claims that he’s innocent. Saringo says that he is but nobody wants to believe that. He suggests “going back to the night I killed those three kids.” I can’t be sure but I think the ambiguity here, claiming innocence and then almost immediately talking as if he’s guilty, is deliberate. Saringo says he’s tell Jack what he did that night, or rather what the prosecution said he did, how they reconstructed the crime.

Flashback – to a convenience store as an older gentleman buys goods and walks out. The camera focuses on each of the teenaged victims and Saringo says he knows their names better than he knows his own. He clarifies that this is the timeline that the prosecution speculated: that Sarah Rockwell was behind the counter, Jeffrey Brakow was cleaning up, Timothy Annessio was waiting for the other two to finish for the night. We see Saringo approach the counter, pull a gun, and then push the three teens into the storage room. Timothy is forced to tie up his friend Jeffrey and Sarah is forced to tie up Timothy. The prosecution claims that he then “went crazy” and tried to rape Sarah because her clothes were torn. The lighting is very dark, deliberately so no doubt, so we don’t see much. Saringo says that he couldn’t actually complete the deed because of the pills and the booze. Of course, a cynical person might say that was a convenient excuse for the prosecution to explain a lack of his DNA. The prosecution claimed that being unable to rape her pushed him over the edge and, as the teens begged for their lives, he killed them without compassion or mercy.

We move back to the makeshift studio and Saringo says, “[t]hat’s the way it happened. That’s the way the police said it happened.” Jack says that Saringo confessed to the murders, reading the names out carefully. Saringo says yes, he confessed, he was stoned out of his mind. Jack says that three people identified Saringo in a line up as the man that they saw at the scene. Nobody mentioned that before. Saringo licks his lips and says that he’s the “classic death row prisoner.” 37, been in prison half his life, sexually abused by his father, and his mother was an alcoholic prostitute. He was borderline illiterate before he did his first jail term and taught himself to read. That’s his “tale of woe.” He says that “the man” told him that he was guilty of the murders and for a couple of days he believed it, but when he realised the truth he tried to withdraw his confession. It was too late.

Jack brings it back to the three eyewitnesses, because Jack is an ex-cop and isn’t about to get distracted so easily. Saringo says that all the witnesses knew the victims. Then he says that he has a noticeable birthmark on the left side of his face. They described the person they saw as medium height, medium build, dark hair, and with a birthmark on his face. Saringo points out that could be almost anyone except for the birthmark. Saringo says the truth is that he doesn’t remember what happened and that after a while he began to believe what he was told and after all this time he’s stopped caring about the truth, just like everybody else. There is a long silence as Jack absorbs this.

Outside, it’s raining as protesters chant and cheer.

The clock shows that it’s 10:57pm. Saringo will be executed in just over an hour. Billy and Devon are hanging around in the corridor as Jack walks in. Billy gives Jack the envelope which he rips open without a word. He snorts derisively when he reads the single piece of paper inside and shows it to Devon and Billy. “Nice, huh,” he says, holding it out to the camera. The mismatched letters cut from magazines say, “Saringo didn’t do it.” Jack wonders aloud how many more of those they’re going to receive before the end of the night. Billy asks how Jack is holding up as Jack balls up the letter and throws it away. Jack says that’s a good question, twice, and Devon asks what the answer is. Jack tucks his hands in his pockets and looks away as he says Saringo is holding up better than he is. Devon strokes his arm as Jack closes his eyes for a moment and says that it’s almost over.

The clock now reads 11:14pm. Suddenly it’s a lot lighter in the makeshift studio as Billy fiddles with the equipment. When the camera moves back we that’s because they’ve moved to Saringo’s cell instead. So, either they took a twenty-minute break or between 10:57 and 11:14 they’ve take two breaks.

Jack asks Saringo how he’s doing. He says he guesses okay. Billy says they’re ready to go anytime, and, as he leaves, Saringo thanks him. Billy and Jack both seem very surprised.

The engineer counts Jack back in. Jack is sounding about ready to either cry or throw up as he says that they’re now in the “last night room,” which is a 6x13 cell, not much different from the other cells that Saringo has spent his life in. Jack asks Saringo what it feels like knowing you’re less than an hour away from dying. In black and white that question looks tacky or melodramatic, but Gary Cole’s line reading is absolutely spot-on, mostly despairing with a little compassion. Saringo says it will be a blessing, a relief, because if you’re talking about justice then he’s the winner. He says that locking someone up for the rest of their life is torture. Jack asks if that is true even if Saringo “didn’t do what they say you did.” He doesn’t say “innocent,” because Saringo isn’t an angel, but of course that’s not the point. Saringo who is starting to sound a little agitated says that it doesn’t matter any more. He’s exhausted. Then he swallows hard and says he killed “those three kids” and off Jack’s startled look he gets weepy and says he didn’t kill them. He asks Jack to tell him what the truth is.

Jack says that Saringo fired his lawyer, “he was your last hope.” Saringo says he fired the lawyer “because he gave up on me. Do you blame me?” Jack tiredly says, “I only blame you for killing three people, John.” That has got to be crushing, and Saringo’s face shows it. Jack immediately regrets saying it and says he guesses that he’s just like everyone else. Saringo swallows and quietly says that he forgives Jack. Jack hugs his neck as Saringo says that he forgives everyone outside “counting the hours until I die.” Then he says “I’m the winner here, not you,” although it’s unclear if by “you” he means Jack or the people waiting for him to die. Then he says that if they think “John Saringo is going to plead for his life then you’re wrong.” Urgh, the third person. Always a sign of an egomaniac or a villain. He says that his life is a mess and he has nobody to blame but himself. He says maybe “you wore me down” but he’s not giving anyone the satisfaction of breaking him. He’s going to die like a man even if he’s going to be killed like an animal. I don’t think anyone really wants to see someone screaming and begging to live, frankly. That’s why so much emphasis was always put on “a good end” and “dying with your boots on.” It’s really only for the benefit of anyone watching.

The clock reads 11:50 and the warden, with a full escort of guards, walks up the Devon and Billy and greets them with grave politeness. He says that they’re taking Saringo now. He says that although Saringo has requested Devon’s presence he doesn’t think Devon is going to want to see it. Devon says she doesn’t and he walks away.

Outside, the party is winding down a bit and people are now drinking coffee and trying to keep warm.

Jack comes on as a voice over as he says it’s five to twelve and they’re coming to the end of the broadcast. As the warden approaches the cell, Jack asks Saringo if there’s anything else he’d like to say. Saringo says this is it, “time to sign off, see you in hell.” The warden enters the cell and Jack seems to sign off without saying anything. Saringo changes his shirt and tells Jack that he’s not going to break. After screwing everything else up it’s important that he does this right. Jack quietly agrees. Outside the cell. Saringo is manacled and chained up. As he’s lead off, Jack follows along. Devon may have decided she can’t watch the execution but it seems that Jack is. The camera scans the empty “last night room” and then watches their progress from the POV of a gun toting guard. There are a handful of witnesses, all male, including a priest, as Saringo is walked into the gas chamber. His voice shaking, Saringo looks at Jack and tells him that he’s going to make it. He’s going to make it all alone. He says that he can do it. He can do it.

Jack, the man who makes his living with his mouth, is struggling to know what to say. He says “God be with you, John,” which means a lot more knowing that Jack is a sort-of observant Catholic. Saringo says that God has taken good care of him. He’s going to be alright. He’s going to be fine. The warden asks if he has anything he wants to say. Saringo does. He takes a deep breath and steadies his voice and looks at Jack. “Goodnight America, wherever you are.” Written down it looks cheesy but onscreen it’s honestly very powerful. He winks at Jack and says “let’s do it.” Saringo is taken into the gas chamber and the witnesses are moved to a viewing room. Jack is the last to go.

Jack watches unblinking as the straps are tightened and the other things are done. His expression doesn’t change but you can see him swallowing compulsively.

In the gas chamber, Saringo is breathing heavily and struggling to hold it together.

Outside the protesters are now quiet as they wait.

Inside Saringo is still waiting to die. We hear the heart monitor beeping. He looks across at Jack and manages a small smile. Someone pulls down the lever and the gas begins to fill the room. Saringo flails and jerks in his chair. It’s absolutely not quick and it’s not painless. It’s awful. As Jack watches, Saringo finally stops moving and the monitor flatlines. Jack looks devastated.

On Midnight Caller, Jack says that at 12:01 am yesterday he watched a man die in the gas chamber at the state penitentiary. He says that Saringo’s death was, like his life, brutal and ultimately sad. Jack says that he went to see him die because he wanted to believe that “our great American system of justice still works but he’s not so sure. He can never feel good about what he saw. He says that Saringo died with dignity and that in his final moment he wanted to show the world he was a man, and he did. As we watch Billy looking worried and distressed, Jack says that Saringo died in a cold, stark room surrounded by a handful of strangers and nobody waved goodbye. To be fair, waving goodbye would’ve been a very strange thing to do. Jack closes out the show, which makes me wonder what the rest of that show was about, that he had to remind the listeners who Saringo was.

 Random notes:

1)    The first-time Jack has a special guest on the show and the first time not taking calls.

2)    This anticipates the two-parter in season 3 where Jack is held hostage during a prison riot

3)    OT, why is Carl wearing an ID badge but not Jack? What’s with Gary Cole’s characters not wearing their ID?

4)    Saringo’s description of how death occurs in the gas chamber doesn’t match what the show depicts. Which is probably for the best because I could not sit for 12 minutes of a man dying.

Chapter Text

Another title that doesn’t seem to be relevant to the episode, but at least this one is memorable.

This starts with one of my favourite Midnight Caller openings: Clara the insane old lady who is ranting about her “beloved corgi bitch” being stalked by dogs wanting to hump her. It wins Jack his bet that it’s going to be one of those nights and gives Gary Cole a chance to mess around with some voices.

“Kiss it goodbye, Billy!” - actual dialogue.

The rest of the episode… Well, it re-introduces Deacon Bridges from Twelve Gauge and it’s genuinely tense in places. But holy crap, Jack is wildly irresponsible and basically never gets called on it.

It’s so rare that Jack smiles.

Anyhow, we open with a “Mr DeRose” getting a call from a man in a nightclub. Vague threats are issued from the mullet wearing nightclub dude who is simultaneously stalking a young couple at the nightclub. And people say men can’t multitask.

In a park, the female half of the young couple is sat in a tree taunting the male half for not being able to perform. Maybe he’s just not that into you, lady. Things get heated and they start a verrry slow motion fist fight.

A jogger, complete with matching track suit, is labouring through the park, sounding like he’s about to drop dead from a heart attack. But instead of keeling over, he finds the aforementioned young woman dead. It’s always joggers or people with dogs who find bodies isn’t it? All I’ve ever found early in the morning was a stolen car that had been set on fire.

Carl is at the scene and is clearly feeling the weight of the world. He’s quite short and testy with Bridges, who he has clearly met since the end of Twelve Gauge, telling him to talk to the coroner. When pressed, Carl says that she died of ‘unnatural causes,’ and that sometime during the night she 'got very old.’ Bridges has been up all night and is a little slow on the uptake, saying he was told she was between 18-22 (which seems very specific). Carl heavily points out that she’s dead. You don’t get much older than that.

Jack runs up the steps of the subway into the blazing sunshine and over to a large building where he greets Devon and her father, Mel King. That’s not a good name, it sounds like teenagers trying to name the dumbest sex act they can think of. Jack excuses his lateness by pointing out he’s a night worker, which just makes Mel look like a dick for arranging a meeting in the middle of Jack’s sleep cycle. Jack is dressed head to toe in black for some reason, including a black blazer. Given the gaping open collar I assume he’s not wearing a tie but if it was the right shade of black it could be perfectly camouflaged against his shirt. Jack greets Mel, who he seems to have met before off-screen, and is introduced to Stanton DeRose, the owner and publisher of The Dispatch. He’s also the Mr DeRose that the creepy night club guy was making veiled threats to. DeRose thanks Jack for coming and says he asked Mel to arrange the meeting for the morning because he loses sleep listening the Midnight Caller so it’s only fair that Jack loses sleep to meet him. HAHA. Hilarious. What a dick. You could probably count that as foreshadowing about his character.

Jack is way more forgiving than I would be and laughs along. Stanton tells Jack that he’s become quite a celebrity and, having cleared it with Devon, he wants Jack to write a weekly column. Jack doesn’t think he’s writer material and DeRose snarkily says that most of the reporters he employs aren’t either. What is it with these old white guys trying to recruit Jack to work for them? Kenneth Miller was bad enough.

Creepy Mulleted Guy is at a desk cutting out newspaper articles. Everyone needs a hobby I guess. He pins up an article about a debutante dying, right above one with a picture of DeRose.

At the station, Carl is interviewing a witness who says she’s sure that the victim, Annie, left the club with someone called Justin. Hey, Carl, aren’t you a lieutenant? You have detectives to take basic statements you know. Annie wonders why Justin would do that to Annie, and Carl gently cautions that they need to find out “if” Justin did it before they work out “why.” It’s an odd scene which doesn’t actually contribute anything to the episode except perhaps showing us someone not leaping wildly to conclusions without evidence. JACK.

DeRose is in his office. It’s either late at night or he has some blackout curtains up. He’s on the phone to his lawyer, complaining that Justin has been picked up for questioning about Annie. He tells the lawyer to go bust Justin out of 'District Station C’ which is a boring name for a station, damn it. Anyway, he says he’ll handle the papers. They have to keep Justin’s name out of things no matter what.  

Deacon Bridges has a scoop! The newspaper office is surprisingly busy given that it’s apparently quite late. He approaches his chief about his scoop and, ignoring the chief’s snotty attitude and sarcasm, tells him he won’t believe who’s been brought in for the murder.

At Carmen’s, Carl is complaining that he had to release Justin despite witnesses seeing them leaving, no alibi, his footprints in the park, and scratches to his face. Jack accurately guesses the nonsense excuses that the DA gave them. Carl wonders what he’s supposed to tell the dead girl’s parents when they call. Jack says maybe he can tell them something.

Midnight Caller starts and Jack monologues about the tragic end of Anne Starger. He then names Justin DeRose as the number one suspect and basically accuses Stanton DeRose of smothering coverage of the arrest. Jack claims that a cop he knows wondered if the DA would be so reluctant to press charges if the suspect was called Willy Anderson and drove a bus or a jackhammer. Stanton, who is listening, picks up him phone, while in the sound booth, Billy nods in agreement. Creepy mullet guy is also listening.

Jack goes to a commercial break and then we see him, yawning, wearing sunglasses, and coming out of an elevator.

Devon grabs him by the arm and frogmarches him along the corridor.

“You’ll never guess who called my father at 12:07 this morning,” she says with false calm. Mel then stayed up listening to Jack’s show, yay for ratings, and called Devon just after 3am. DeRose wants Jack “off the air, out of town, and strung up by your…” Since Jack interrupts to innocently ask if this means DeRose doesn’t want to write for the paper anymore, I assume she wasn’t going to say “thumbs.” Devon replies he doesn’t even want him to read the paper. Devon seems a little unclear what she’s trying to say here. She says that she’s being “squeezed” and she doesn’t like it, but she doesn’t warn Jack off either. She tells Jack “it’s not very becoming” when he plays dumb, and that he needs to be sure that he’s right. Yeah… remember that for later.

Feet on the desk, that’s a paddlin’

Deacon Bridges is buying a paper and is horrified to see the smear job that’s being done on Anne Starger. Do reporters have to buy copies of their own newspaper? It seems like there’d be free copies available if nothing else. Deacon is still reading the paper when he gets to work. He challenges his chief and complains that his story was killed while “this crap” was published. The chief claims they’d make history being sued for libel by their own publisher. Deacon points out that everything he wrote was true, and therefore not libel. But he ruins it by claiming that “Dead Deb’s Dirty Diary” is what’s actually libellous. Can’t libel the dead, Deacon, they’re totally free game. Unfortunately.

That evening, Deacon is on Midnight Caller. So, we got a totally unnecessary scene of Carl interviewing a suspect and no scene at all explaining how Deacon comes to be on the show; if he already knew Jack, whether it was his idea to be on the show or Jack’s… etc. Anyway, a caller accuses Deacon of being disloyal to his paper. Boy, Jack’s callers are frequently salty as heck. Deacon says he loves the paper and that he spends a lot more time with it than his wife. (Perhaps unsurprising then that by the middle of the second season he’s apparently divorced and dating someone else.) Deacon says that he’s sure the paper is wrong and that the newspaper is putting Anne Starger on trial. A friend of Anne’s calls in and talks about what Anne was really like. They go to a break and Billy says that Devon called, she wants to see Jack and Billy tomorrow at noon. Damn, Jack’s sleep cycle is taking a battering this episode.

Mel is warning Devon against annoying rich dudes with politicians in their pockets. “I’m not threatening you,” he says, which generally means someone is about to threaten you. Devon asks if DeRose owns Mel and when he says “no” she says “well he doesn’t own me either.”

Deacon arrives at work to find that he’s not allowed to enter the building, doh.

In Devon’s office, Jack, Devon, and Billy are enjoying a game of “why are you blocked like that, it looks weird.” Devon is sat at her desk, Jack is perched on her desk looming over her, and Billy is lurking behind her. Poor Devon looks like a suspect being grilled by bad cop and bad cop. Anyway, she tells Jack that she wants him to keep surprising her and that his unpredictability is his strength. Jack’s expression is pretty clearly that he knows there’s a “…but” coming. “So, no more shows on the Starger murder?” Billy asks, because he’s suddenly learned how to read a room. Devon denies that’s what she means but just that if they do more about the murder it should be new. Which… seems perfectly reasonable. Jack tells Devon that what’s great about her is that when she puts the squeeze on you can barely feel it. But the tone of the scene is pretty mild and everyone leaves looking relatively happy.

No happy, relatively, or otherwise, is DeRose who is meeting with Jack. “We’re both reasonable men,” DeRose claims. Which, nope. “That why you tried to get me fired?” Jack asks. DeRose compares it to war, which Jack sneers at, and then DeRose asks if Jack will interview someone who claims to give Justin an alibi. Jack agrees and asks if DeRose will stop running the “putrid” stories about Anne Starger’s private life. DeRose refuses because they’re “news.” But mostly because he’s a scumbag.

Justin is in a bar. The barman asks if he’s going to the funeral and Justin, sounding pretty fed up, says he doesn’t think it’d be right as he hardly knew her. The barman seems disgusted and walks off to reveal… Creepy Mullet Guy watching Justin from the end of the bar. You’ll never get a date like that, dude.

On Midnight Caller Jack is talking to a hilarious doorman who will not stop blathering about seeing Justin while spraying down the road. He makes quite a compelling alibi despite that. Creepy Mullet Guy, calling himself Levon, calls in and tells Jack he doesn’t have to worry about Justin anymore because Justin is with him and is going to be “a good boy from now on.” Jack immediately twigs that there’s a major problem but Levon rings off.

DeRose is ranting that Jack should be arrested as he’s responsible. He does kind of have a point. Jack didn’t have to name Justin or DeRose in order to rail against the fact that Rich White Boy gets an easier ride than anyone else. Carl tells him that Jack is his best shot for finding Justin. The FBI agrees, which makes me wonder if they’ve been listening to the show. Ostensibly this is because they’ve not had any communication from the kidnapper apart from the call to the show but come on, that’s a pretty thin explanation.

In Creepy Mullet Guy’s Creepy House, Justin is making a hostage video. That is to say he’s being recorded against his will. He’s not holding a newspaper or anything with a date on so it looks less like proof of life and more like the world’s most unfortunate Tinder profile pic.

In a park, Jack and Carl as discussing the chance that Justin might be innocent. Jack makes it clear that he isn’t saying he is innocent, just that it’s possible. Or paaahsible as Gary Cole’s accent would have it. Carl asks that if Justin didn’t do it then who did? Because, apparently, the SFPD approach crime solving like that episode of Angel where in order to escape hell, you have to find some sucker to take your place. Carl also asks what Levon has to do with anything which merely serves as an excuse for Jack to reuse a bit of grammar nerdiness that Devon lobbed at him earlier, and proclaim that he’s “heavily into the proper use of English langwaaage.” That one is definitely him deliberately messing around, and also completely untrue. Carl sticks to the point of why has Levon kidnapped Justin and Jack replies: “I don’t know, Carl. I guess that’s why we got to get the kid back. To satisfy our curiosity.” Sure, yeah, that’s why you rescue a young man. Yeah, yeah, Jack was being flippant but holy crap, as far as Jack knows he inspired this kidnapping and he’s being flippant about it? Just to add insult to injury it turns out that one of them has stood in dog mess, and it’s not Jack. (I do wonder if that was something that happened while filming and they threw it in.)

Deacon meets with his boss, who is loitering like something out of a bad spy movie. “Let’s take a walk,” he says because he’s apparently found his theme and is sticking with it, damn it. He asks what else Deacon knows about the kidnapping: nothing. The FBI are deferring to the SFPD because of “the Killian angle” (sounds like a fanfic). There are no jurisdictional arguments which means no pissed off cops and no leaks. Geez, evidently cops resolve their disputes like whiny kids tattling. Deacon tries to check if he still has a job and is told that his boss is “working on it.” Reassuring! Also, I’d have probably assumed being banned from the building meant I was fired. Just me.

In Devon’s office, it’s finally Billy’s turn to perch on the desk while Jack is seated and Devon stalks about the room. She’s stressing about what’s going to happen with Justin while Billy is making use of Chinese stress balls. Jack is playing with a rubber band. The boys tease Devon, comparing it to the maternity ward, the White House during the missile crisis, the stock market, or the day they post the sergeant’s exam results. A “bummer” according to Jack, who is later described repeatedly as an Inspector, which seems to have been senior to a sergeant so… whatever.

Just because this made me laugh

Anyway, Devon asks what it is with “you guys” saying that just when everything at the station is going great one of “these things” has to happen, one of the things that keeps happening to Jack. Fourth wall! Fourth wall! Jack argues that he thought she liked the unpredictability of “living out on the edge of the seven second delay.” Devon agrees but says that it works better when you can “control the unpredictability.” Jack asks the obvious question.

Carl and DeRose arrive. Billy introduces himself to DeRose who is as charming as we’ve come to expect. Carl interrupts the pleasantries with “you know the drill” and everyone leaves.

Creepy Mulleted Guy still has poor Justin trussed up like a turkey. The gag isn’t much cop but the ropes clearly can’t be slipped out of and if Justin tried busting the chair he’d strangle himself. CMG is (still) making a hostage tape but now he’s decided to narrate it, introducing himself as “Levon Hosking.” Guys, I don’t think Levon is very good at getting away with crimes. Anyway, he informs Justin of his rights and says he’s going to question him about the death of Anne Starger. Justin is looking pretty rough.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is chatting to a caller while everyone waits to see if Levon will call in. Billy is having to share his booth with Devon, Carl, and DeRose, while Jack is laughing and chatting up a storm in the studio. “Ralphie,” the caller, apparently caught someone in bed together, although Jack has to explain what “in flagrante delicto” means. It’s 02:47, the show ends in 13 minutes, and DeRose is pretty impatient. Jack describes San Francisco as “Paris on the Pacific” which doesn’t seem to be a term in general use, and takes another call.

Luckily, it’s Levon, although in order to create additional drama they act as though they have no idea until he identifies himself. Never mind the fact that Billy screens the callers and would no doubt have repeatedly listened to the previous call and be able to recognise his voice. Anyway, Carl starts a telephone trace while Levon tells Jack that “you and only you” can arrange Justin’s safe return: in 48 hours Jack is to go on the air and “tell the story of Laura Twain on your radio show.” DeRose is in close up during this convo and blankly asks who Laura Twain is. Jack has more pressing issues at hand and wants to talk to Justin. Levon says that Justin is “indisposed.” Maybe Levon finally untied him long enough to go to the bathroom. Jack probes Levon a bit on his background, specifically which prison he was locked up in. Levon is somehow too smart for that and hangs up after saying he doesn’t want the call to be traced. Justin is still in the room with him, which means that either Levon was really confident about how long he had on the phone or he didn’t want to go to a phonebooth for some reason. Somehow, I don’t see Levon practicing Safe, Sane, and Consensual, so I doubt it was concern for Justin’s health.

Carl pouts that they didn’t trace the call as Jack signals Billy to take him off air without so much as a goodnight to the listeners. He runs into the sound booth where DeRose is yelling at… everyone, really, but mostly at Carl “you actually think that listening to a radio station is going to solve a kidnapping!” Well, given that the radio station is the kidnapper’s communication channel of choice it’s not that odd. Maybe take it up with Levon if you find it so offensive. Devon mildly suggests that DeRose calm down as getting pissy won’t help the situation. Jack walks in and DeRose tells him “your lies and accusations opened this whole damn mess.” Accusations, sure. Devon flies to Jack’s defence only to be addressed as “little girl” which doesn’t make her take his threats to sue her terribly seriously. She tells him to get the hell out, and Jack looks like he’s in love. “Forty-eight hours!” DeRose growls “You better hope I get my son back alive!”

Which, on rewatching, makes no sense. He knows exactly who Laura Twain is and what her story is. He could simply tell them, but he doesn’t, and yet he seems to be pressuring them to find out. Is it all posturing and he’s already written Justin off? That’s pretty damn cold.

One of Deacon’s colleagues is on the phone telling Deacon that he’s persona non-grata at work. Oops. Deacon, who is on a payphone at Carmen’s threatens to “persona your non-grata” if he’s not given the info he wants of Laura Twain. He rather charmingly bulldozes his colleague into doing the scutwork and promises/threatens to call back in 15 minutes.

Jack is chilling at the counter. He’s wearing his leather jacket, which looks like an uncomfortable garment to slump in. They do the ‘where’s Carmen’ running joke (in Casablanca) and then Deacon approaches Jack to say he’ll have some info for him in the morning. Gee, if only there was a police officer that Jack could ask to check for info on Laura Twain. Or maybe an FBI agent… oh well, have to stick with a reporter who’s been suspended from his job. Jack leaves and Deacon steals what’s left of his beer. He seems to refer to Carmen as a bitch, which is bizarre.

At home, Jack finds a mysterious envelope containing a VHS cassette, a proof of life photo of poor Justin holding the day’s newspaper, and his ring. He holds all of these objects in his bare hands, because screw you fingerprints. (The headlines are about a trolley hitting a taxi which seems to have killed and injured a number of people. Odd that nobody mentioned that in passing.)

Jack and Carl are watching Justin’s hostage video at Jack’s house. They’re both manspreading wildly which only serves to push them into each other’s space. Heh. Justin explains that Anne a) hit him really hard, b) pushed him, and c) scratched him, at which point he lost his temper and hit her. She fell out of the tree and Justin ran away, panicked that she was badly hurt. I’m curious why they decided to go with this characterisation of Anne. She obviously didn’t deserve to be strangled but she also seems worryingly violent. My sympathy is pretty much with Justin. Levon asks the sobbing Justin if he killed Anne and he seems pretty confused whether he did or not.

Jack and Carl discuss the fact that Justin thinks he killed Anne when she fell out of the tree, when in fact she was strangled. Guess they kept that out of the papers. Jack punctuates this conversation by whacking himself in the head with the TV remote a couple of times.

Daytime, and Deacon, who is evidently very cold, is meeting Jack on a bridge above a road. Deacon complains about both the temperature and the lateness of the hour. Despite all the shivering etc they’re both wearing jackets and neither of them is wearing gloves or a hat. Because they’re manly men who don’t do warm clothes in cold weather. Deacon gives Jack a small envelope which has a photo of Laura Twain inside. At the age of 19 she jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge leaving her purse and shoes behind. Nobody ever claimed her body. Jack asks where he got all this information despite that literally being Deacon’s job. Deacon gives Jack Laura’s last known address, Knob Hill, and Jack goes knocking doors.

A redhead recognises him although she can’t remember his name and thinks he’s on the television. She’s up for anything Jack wants to discuss, or anything other thing he wants to do. She asks how long ago Laura lived next door, and Jack says “what?” because he apparently spaced out in the five seconds since he last spoke. Laura died 8 or 9 months ago, which is too long for Erica-the-redhead who’s only lived there 11 weeks. She makes sure to tell Jack that she’s divorced. She gets the address for the previous owners but totally fails to invite him inside. She’s gonna be kicking herself over that one.

The previous own says that one day Laura was just gone. He tells Jack that Laura had an “oriental” room mate who left a little while before Laura. He leers a bit at the memory of the roommate and tells Jack that he thinks saw her recently at The Tenderloin where he was “seeing the sights.” Stay classy, dude.

On Midnight Caller Jack takes a call from Levon. DeRose and Devon are in the booth, but Carl isn’t. I guess they’ve just given up any hope of tracing his calls. Jack asks why Levon came to him. Levon scoffs at the idea of going to the police as he’s an ex-con and he thinks they wouldn’t listen. So what his plan was before Jack got involved is anyone’s guess.

Levon tells Justin, who seems to be wearing the same clothes still, that if everything goes according to plan in 24 hours he’ll be a free man. In Paris, for some reason. Justin appears unconvinced.

Jack wanders down a dark street ignoring the hookers offering him a date. Hardly surprising he’s wary of hookers after the whole thing with Angel in the first episode. Instead, he stops and talks to a wiseguy-looking-dude called Jimmy who is politer than Jack is. Jimmy claims listening to Midnight Caller passes the time. Jack shows Jimmy a photo of Laura who he recognises but doesn’t know much about. Jack asks about the roommate instead and gets the name “Marie Nacow” and that she’s ill.

Armed with her name, Jack has tracked down Marie. That’s not a pun but it could be since it’s pretty clear that Marie’s illness is self-administered with a needle. Laura wrote her a letter telling her to use a key if anything happened to her. When she heard that Laura “wasn’t much of a swimmer” she went to the bus depot and opened the locker. There was $500 inside and a VHS which Marie has never bothered to watch. She hands it over to Jack without shaking him down for cash.

Jack arrives to see DeRose. He tells him to sit down and make himself comfy. He puts on the tape, which we don’t see. Jack pretends to be amused as we hear DeRose telling Laura that she’s been a very bad girl and daddy will have to punish her. There’s the sound of something impacting and Laura whining and sobbing. Jack sneering congratulates DeRose on the “very healthy” scenario playing out which includes a riding crop, high heels, and “a little gender reversal.” DeRose asks where Jack got the VHS and he doesn’t answer, instead telling DeRose that he brought this exposure on himself – if he hadn’t interfered with the investigation nobody would’ve ever found out. Which would be irony indeed, except it’s not true. Jack tells DeRose he has a biblical dilemma – it’s him or his son. He asks DeRose what happened to Laura Twain or is he going to let Justin “who’s innocent by the way,” be killed. Jack, who presumably realised that he’s been running around for 2 days while DeRose pretended to be ignorant, is utterly unsympathetic to DeRose’s misery.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is relating the story of Laura Twain who was young and gifted when she moved to San Francisco and met a much older man who was erudite and intelligent. He gave her a stipend to study, an apartment to live in, and she thought they were in love. He convinced her into kinky sex which she tolerated because she thought they were going to get married and the whole nine yards. Deacon twigs where this is going and hightails it to the police station where Carl and DeRose are listening. The reporters at the Dispatch are tuned in, as is Levon. Laura’s sugar daddy was already married and wouldn’t risk losing his shirt in a divorce. “That is when Stanton DeRose killed Laura Twain.”

As Carl frogmarches DeRose to a cell, Levon marches Justin in and cuts the bonds. How did Levon get him all the way into the station like that? Levon admits to killing Anne Starger for “rage, revenge, justice, you decide.” Well it wasn’t justice. Geez.

Jack receives a message that Justin has been released and DeRose arrested, and wishes America goodnight.

Goodnight

Chapter Text

 TLDR: In an effort to defend himself against untrue accusations of grand theft, Jack colludes with a mobster in assaults, at least one kidnapping, and a coerced confession.

We open with some weirdly upbeat and wildly 80s electropop type music over some shots of San Francisco with bizarre neon outlining the buildings. I’ve not been there (yet) so I don’t recognise anything specific but if the huge Ghirardelli sign refers to the chocolate then sign me up. Ah, okay these are the (presumably deliberately) hilarious opening credits for the “Tijuana Miles! Show,” a local TV show. I should be more sympathetic to the fellow owner of a strange name, but every time I hear it, I just think of Tijuana bibles, which is not an association the poor lady needs.

Tijuana Mile’s studio is about the size of my office at work and consists entirely of three backless wheeled chairs and some posters on sticks with faints pictures of what could be local landmarks. I’m wondering now if this is some public access thing given that it looks so cheap, and uncomfortable. The poor actors’ backs must be complaining.

Tijuana says that she’s talking to the “bad boys of local radio.” On one side, she has Jack who’s slumped into a “thinker” pose and on the other side “Mr Late Night” Kingston Rivers. Who we’ve never heard of before. Tijuana asks Kingston how he responds to critics who label his show “trash radio.” Wow, title drop within 48 seconds. Also, Tijuana doesn’t waste any time going for the jugular. Kingston says he doesn’t care if he offends “geeks, or gimps, or other sorry folk.” Did geeks and gimps mean something completely different in ’88 because that makes no sense. He also says that if he believed in God then he certainly wouldn’t believe he made everybody equal. Urgh, so mindless offensiveness and antagonism in a desperate plea for attention is established in a couple of lines. Efficient!

Tijuana is smart enough not to feed the troll and just makes a “huh” noise before turning to Jack and asking if that’s a fair assessment. Jack looks distinctly unimpressed with his colleague. He gets as far as saying, “well, I think that -’ before Kingston interrupts him to say “thank the lady, Jack! She used the word “think” in the same sentence with your name.” Jack say with very slight irritation says that’s very clever and Kingston says that Jack is the one that’s clever, he turned a homicide into a great career move. Make your mind up, Rivers, are you calling him stupid or clever?

Jack retorts that he’s seen corpses with more class than Rivers. That seems unnecessarily harsh on the corpses. Tijuana, who must have known how antagonistic Rivers would be, tries to calm things down by reminding them that people are watching. Rivers BEAMS because he’s just desperate for the attention. He says that Jack knows all about death, and his radio career consists of talking down suicides, trapping serial killers, and visiting gas chambers. Rivers seems to be under the impression that you can make something insulting just by stating the facts in a sneering tone of voice. Then he asks what Jack’s going to do next, “hold a séance to talk to your dead partner?” I’d say that wouldn’t work well on radio but since there was once a ventriloquist who worked on the radio, I guess they’ll try anything. Rivers mocks the idea that Rusty’s death was an accident and looks thrilled at his own wit and daring. Jack is quiet for a couple of seconds before saying that coming from someone else, a statement like that would matter to him, but here he just considers the source… Rivers boasts that the source is the number one late night radio in the Bay area. You mean that not only there are enough people awake to make Jack a “folk hero” and commonly recognised, but even more of them are listening to Rivers? Damn, these people don’t deserve you Jack. Move somewhere else.  

Jack shrugs and says that the way he sees it, Rivers’s days are numbered. Tijuana is looking from one man to the other like she’s at a tennis match. Jack is now getting a little irate and tells Rivers that you can’t fool all the people, all the time. For someone who talks for a living, Jack isn’t making the most compelling argument. He goes on that a con artist can’t last forever; eventually he’s going to play with the truth once two often and get burned. Tijuana, apparently seeing the spectre of a slander lawsuit looming up, tries again to calm things down. Rivers, who just implied that Jack murdered Rusty, resents being called a con artist. Jack asks if he’s got a better name for it and Rivers says that nobody talks to him like that. “I just did!” Jack says. Tijuana begs them to stop and tells the camera to cut.

Credits!

At KWWA FM, where Rivers works, a suit is telling him that Midnight Caller’s market penetration is up 14% over six months. Judging by the response that seems to be a good thing, for Jack but not for Rivers. Rivers insists that Jack is “a novelty item, he’s like a pet rock.” There’s a reference that hasn’t stood the test of time, but I guess that’s his point. The suit says that Jack is pulling a 28 share between 12-2am when the two shows overlap and a 34% share during his last hour. I don’t know many radio stations are supposed to be on during 12-3am but that does sound pretty high. The second suit says that Midnight Caller is showing growth “somewhat” on a level to Rivers’s attrition, ie Jack is stealing Rivers’s audience. Waah waah. Rivers says that they’re talking numbers, which would appear to be their job. He’s talking “mothers and daughters who’ve been raped, voodoo bankers, guys I’m talking franchise.”

Voodoo bankers! I’m sorry; I don’t know why that’s so funny to me but applause to the actor for managing to spew that complete gibberish with a straight face. The first suit says that once listeners start leaving it’s almost impossible to get them back. Tell them about the voodoo bankers, Rivers! Maybe throw in some zombie CEOs and a vampire stockbroker while you’re at it. (Yes, I know that voodoo is a legitimate religion but that’s not what Rivers is talking about.) The suit tells Rivers that numbers are what “this business” are all about. Rivers can only sneer “nice suits” because despite insults being his stock in trade, he’s not actually very good at them.

A busy street in the rain. Rivers has escorted a woman, Kay, into a café. He suggests at the weekend renting a limo and doing the whole dinner and drinks thing. She giggles and agrees. They make out and I throw up a little bit in my mouth. Then immediately he tells her that he needs her to get another file. She protests and he drops some awkward exposition that she’s the principle clerk with the police department so she can totally steal him some information. She protests that she’s not doing it anymore, it’s wrong. Also illegal. Definitely don’t go to prison for this toad, Kay. Rivers makes a weak apology and it looks like he’s agreeing not to ask but instead says he’ll never ask again after she gets him the file on Jack Killian. The way its worded he doesn’t seem to think she knows who Jack is, but she tells him that Jack is her friend. Instead of thinking that this will get him dirt instead, Rivers doubles down, insisting on Jack’s complaint file. Rivers claims that Jack humiliated him on television, which seems unlikely. Kay folds on the promise of romantic weekends forever more.

A pan across San Francisco high rises as Jack’s voice talks about a 7^th grader walking into class and telling his math teacher he would “torture and kill her if she didn’t raise his grade on an exam.” A search of the “junior Rambo’s” locker found a .22 pistol and a box of brownies. A cigarette smoking Jack seems bemused that the response of the school board is to order mandatory gun awareness classes. He suggests that Dirty Harry could teach the kids how to “lock and load properly.” He says that “something is wrong, you know?” He then goes to Susie, from San Bruno. As Billy watches and drinks coffee, Susie tells Jack that she saw him on the Tijuana Miles show and he’s got a great future in television. Jack asks if she means watching or broadcasting. She says he could be the new Larry King and he says he never wanted to be the old Larry King, but thanks her for the thought. He then sees that “Kingston Rivers” is flashing on his display. Jack makes a classic mistake and feeds the troll. Jack tells Kingston that it’s 1:53 and he’s supposed to be on the air for another 7 minutes. “What did they do, cancel you for bad taste?”

Rivers is in his studio, apparently having patched his microphone through to KJCM’s telephone. So, you’ve got one late night host interrupting his own show to call up a rival host. Seems like a good plan, especially when you’re off air in a few minutes and your rival has another hour to say whatever he wants about you. Rivers says that he was listening to the show and Jack says that he must be desperate. The only way I could see that working is if Rivers was playing Jack’s show on his show and making snotty comments throughout – like MST3K for radio. Which is insane. Rivers goes on that he and his listeners insist that Jack retract the comment that he’s a conman. Jack, who has swapped the cigarette for a cup of coffee, says that Rivers isn’t getting a “free ride” from him. Too late. Rivers snarls “I’m not going to take that from a bum like you.” Jack sweetly says, “Kingston, stop whining,” and disconnects the call. Bwahaha. That must have been satisfying. In the booth, Billy rolls his eyes.

He could probably launch a NASA shuttle from that room

In a room, a group of men have Rivers’s show playing. Rivers bitterly calls Jack a “self-styled vigilante ex-cop.” Rivers doesn’t understand what “self-styled” means.  As he rants that “this is a craft, a profession, we have standards,” the businessmen talk. The sound mixing is a little out so they end up talking over each other. I can’t quite follow what Maurice doesn’t want to pay a million dollars for and I can’t exactly hear what it is that Rivers is saying about journalism. But Jack never claimed to be a journalist.  

The leader, Maurice, gets annoyed when River queries the 1^st amendment, and says he hates Rivers. Apparently he had a show the week before entitled “Nuns who used to be priests.” Maurice says that you need a gas mask just to listen to Rivers. So is this why he has higher numbers than Jack, hate listeners? Maurice then adds that he wouldn’t mind listening to Rivers’s bones break and a thug, Hector, asks how he wants Rivers “done.” Maurice says not tonight as the third man, Sid, laughs. Maurice tells Sid to pay attention, a captain is running drugs on Maurice’s boat, and Maurice is not down with that. Sid says he’ll get his pink slip tomorrow. Maurice says that when he gets the “pink slip” (scare quotes totally present in the line reading) to give the captain something to remember him by.

Establishing shot outside the police station and then inside where Kay is looking at Jack’s file. No cookies for the props people who have just taken two promo shots for Midnight Caller and photocopied them in black and white to use as Jack’s personnel photos. One of them is even from a group shot where they’ve cut out Carl and Devon. Kay is photocopying the file but she hasn’t taken out the photos so huge chunks of text will be missing. Also she doesn’t lower the lid of the photocopier. Come on, show. You’re better than this.

Carmen’s and inside Carl is telling an anecdote about someone confessing to robbing a gas station. We don’t hear the punch line because Jack and Devon have arrived to join the poker game. Jack makes a lot of hay of referring to Devon as his friend. They get dealt in to this illegal game with a lot of cops and Jack jokes about Peter dealing from the bottom of the deck and Ben having a couple of aces in his boot. Devon, who is sporting a genuinely horrific hair style that my grandma would baulk at, is teased gently by the cops who ask if she’s brought her chequebook etc. She sweetly says that she has as Carl reminds them not to leave the toilet seat up. As Jack stuffs his face with the food on offer, Carl asks about “your good buddy, Kingston Rivers.”

A flash white car (sorry, not a car person) pulls into a parking garage while The EurythmicsWould I Lie to You plays. Little bit on the nose, show. Rivers gets out because of course he would drive that thing, and caresses the car with his hand as he walks past. Kay bolts out from behind a pillar like a crazed stalker and grabs him. You know, Kay being bonkers would’ve been an interesting twist. Instead of being surprised at randomly being grabbed from behind, Rivers grabs her by the throat and kisses her passionately. This is more unpleasant than the whole death row episode. Damn, the kissing goes on and on. It’s inter-cut with hands playing poker as Carl and another player chat. Given that we only see their hands and never hear Jack or Devon, I suspect that the episode was running short and this is a way to pad it out.

Finally, we see Jack groan and throw down his cards, proclaiming that he’s out. Carl quickly agrees and Devon clears the table. Jack sarcastically says that he’s having so much fun he’s going to leave. Carl asks if he wants to take Devon with him. She mock-sadly says that they hate her. Jack says they only hate losing to her, so leave them enough money for cabs home. He announces that “it’s been painful” and takes his leave, with Carl throwing out a “have a good show,” as he does. Carl finally remembers that a few years ago Devon’s dad, “Mel King the Laundry Tsar” was in the world series of poker. Devon sweetly says he taught her everything she knows.

Still in the parking garage, Rivers and Kay have moved to his car for some red hot… complaint file reading. Kay looks exactly as thrilled about this as I am to watch it. Rivers asks about a theft complaint is marked up as “not sustained.” Kay, who refers to her “friend” Jack as “Killian,” says that he was investigated by IA and narcotics in 1987 for theft but that the allegations against him could be neither proved nor disproved. Rivers says he needs to see the “personnel investigation complaint file.” Damn, how many files do the SFPD keep on their officers? Just put it all in one file, geez. Kay says those files are in a locked cabinet. Because she doesn’t understand that she means literally nothing to Rivers, she sarcastically asks if he expects her to walk up to an IA guy and ask for the key. Because he is a sociopath with no sense of proportion he says he life is on the line, and basically implies that if she needs to sleep with an IA agent then hey, yeah, do that. Kay forfeits any sliver of sympathy by asking when she can see him again. He of course smiles and asks when she’ll have the file.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is talking to someone called ‘Harold.’ Jack asks if the floorwalker “made” Harold, and Harold irately says that he came barging into the dressing room without a “warrant or anything.” A dressing room is not your house, Harold. Jack takes a breath, exchanges a look with Billy, and says that if a guy walks into Fredericks of Hollywood, he would also get a little suspicious as well. He offers Harold some advice: the next time he wants to shoplift a garter belt, he should just put it in his pocket instead of getting “bright ideas about putting it over your boxer shorts and out the door.” Honestly, that is not where I thought that scene was going to go. Jack exchanges a nod with Billy and goes to an ad-break. Billy, with way too much cheerfulness, tells Jack that “the King” is on line 2. Jack asks if he means Elvis and Billy calls him cute. Which he is. Well spotted, Billy. Jack says to put him through to “Morton Downey Jr”? Billy says that Kingston said if Jack doesn’t talk to him then he can read about it in the newspaper, this way Jack has a chance to respond. Billy’s whole demeanour here is very odd unless he simply doesn’t take Rivers seriously at all. Jack, trying to drink a coffee, reluctantly agrees.

Jack goes back on air, without being counted in so he probably just cut right across an advert, and says the next caller is Kingston Rivers. He asks Rivers why he doesn’t “get a social life and quit bugging me.” Rivers said he had the night off and spent the night getting to know Jack. This is coming off as faintly stalkery. Just ask him to dinner, Rivers. Rivers says that he found out that Jack was investigated by “his own department” (no, IA is a totally different department, jackass) and that “the Nighthawk is an illegal Eagle” which, meh. He alleges that Jack was a dirty cop, he’s going to prove it, and then Jack will be off the air. Jack says “prove this” and disconnects the call. He gives Billy a disbelieving look. Yeah, Billy, you shouldn’t have pushed Jack to put him through. Although it was probably for ratings. A vendetta between Jack and Rivers could probably be turned into publicity pretty easily.

Hey, it’s a scene I have taken too many screen shots of: Devon comes to see Jack, waking him up, and forcing him to answer the door in just his sweatpants. Devon, who’s wearing less make-up than normal, cheerfully greets him with a “good morning!” Jack, who doesn’t even finish work until 3am, sleepily asks where in his contract it says he’s not entitled to 8 hours of sleep. Devon ignores that and instead repeats “Kingston, prove this?” while walking uninvited into Jack’s house. Jack says it was the best he could do without offending the sponsors. Devon, unlike me, believes that Jack being accused of being a dirty cop is “a very serious accusation.” Jack, with fabulous bed hair, says that Rivers is just trying to get attention. Devon is disbelieving as she asks if this means if Jack isn’t going to defend himself. Jack says that doing so will “dignify that crap.” Devon insists that he has to deal with it, he has a reputation now and it matters. Jack wanders away and Devon asks where he’s going. He protests that he’s going to make coffee. “You wake me up at 6am, the least you could do is bring me coffee. Hmm?” The timeline of finishing work at 3 and being woken up exhausted at 6 seems odd but since “sleepy Jack” means shirtless Gary Cole doing a low, growly voice, I’m sure nobody is complaining. 

Pictured: bedhair most of us can only dream of.

On a street in the city, a street trader is attempting to sell some shonky looking wooden toys. Rivers strides up and announces “we gotta talk about Jack Killian.” At least buy a crappy toy and make some small talk first. The street trader says that his relationship with Jack is like a lawyer and his client – confidential. Rivers sarcastically says he didn’t know a cop and his snitch were covered by the constitution. I’m sure they’re covered by something. Rivers addresses him as “Grimes,” insults the amount of money he makes, and flashes a wad of cash in exchange for information on Jack’s supposed role in the “Great White Robbery.” Without clarifying the date or anything else, Grimes immediately starts talking, so apparently the “Great White Robbery” was significant enough to be instantly memorable. Grimes says that Jack brought him in off the street as he’d fallen off the wagon for the 3^rd time that year – he was sleeping it off in the drunk tank. Rivers asks if he’s claiming he doesn’t remember anything. Grimes says “four days is a long time to get drunk, one night is a short time not to remember.” Damn, that’s not falling off the wagon, that’s a swan dive. Rivers waves more cash around and Grimes protests that Jack took care of him. “You mean he got you drugs?” Rivers asks. Grimes waves at his stall. “I mean he got me jobs.” That’s rather sweet. Rivers is losing patience and says that Grimes is a professional snitch and to give Rivers something on Jack. Grimes says he can’t do it. Rivers begins to walk away and Grimes stops him saying that there’s someone who might. They bicker a little and Grimes gives up the name “Al Rambar,” a “funny guy.” Literally, as in he’s a wannabe comedian. Grimes warns Rivers that Al lies for a living. “But you wouldn’t know about that, would you Mr Rivers?”

On Midnight Caller, Jack is taking a call from Jerry in San Leandro. Except it’s actually Rivers. FFS, Billy. Screening calls is literally your job. Rivers, who is once again calling from his studio and presumably from his show, says that he expected Jack to get in touch. Jack snarks that just because Rivers hasn’t got an audience doesn’t mean he can bother Jack’s. Rivers says that if he keeps it up the department of corrections will give Jack a number. Shush! The “Jack-gets-arrested” episodes aren’t for a while yet (and yes, there’s more than one.) Jack is as bored with Rivers’s allegations as I am but instead of just terminating the call responds to Rivers specific allegation by telling him not to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong. Which a) makes Jack sound guilty, b) could easily be construed as a threat. Weirdly enough Rivers seems fixated on the idea that Jack stole drugs (5 kilos!) to give his informants drugs rather than to sell. Jack flatly denies the accusation. Of course he does, what a stupid idea. Why wouldn’t he just give them money to buy their own drugs?

Rambar is telling lame jokes at a bar, while wearing sunglasses and a red nose. Rivers sits down and asks for “one of those umbrella drinks.” Couldn’t find the name, writers? A heckler steps all over Rambar’s terrible puns and Rambar gives up. My MVP of the episode – the unknown heckler. Rambar walks straight to Rivers and STARES at him in a weirdly threatening manner. Rivers lies that Rambar is funny but underexposed. He asks Rambar if he wants to be on his show. Rambar bitterly, and with no trace of his comedic joie de vivre, asks if he’s doing a show on failed comics “doing hard time on stage and behind bars.” Is someone forcing you to do terrible jokes in a horrible dive, Rambar? Rivers says that if Rambar will come on the show and talk about “Killian” and drugs, then he’ll tell his friends in Las Vegas. Rambar, still rocking a serial killer stare, asks if he wants the truth. Rivers implies that the truth isn’t necessary.

As the camera pans over those neon lit sky scrapers, we hear Rivers addressing Jack. God, Rivers, just send him a dick pic already. Jack, stop taking his calls.

As the mobsters listen while playing backgammon, Jack says that he hopes this isn’t going to be like Rivers’ shows on satanic cults or witchcraft. Honestly, they sound much more interesting than someone stealing a sack of cocaine. The henchman asks, “why does Killian keep talking to that guy?” THANK YOU. Maurice says that if he didn’t then people would think that he had something to hide. Nice try, writers, but that doesn’t make me think this isn’t idiotic. Rivers asks Jack if he recognises the following voice, and Rambar says hello. Rivers asks if he was an informant for 5 years and Rambar says it was a living. Is admitting publicly to being a snitch a good idea? And on two different radio shows at once. Jack sneeringly says that Rambar, whose voice he did indeed recognise, has gone down in the world – from San Quentin to the Kingston Rivers show.

Surprise, surprise, as Jack tells the listeners a little more about Rambar’s history, Maurice the mobster also recognises Rambar’s voice. Maurice says that Rambar “used to be in my pocket” which in the context seems like an odd choice. Maurice, who has obviously read the script, says that he’s going to be blamed for the theft if Rivers carries on.

Rambar says that he and Jack go way back, he used to try his new material on Jack. Jack retorts “yeah, stolen autoparts,” which is at least three times as funny as any of Rambar’s “jokes.” At Rivers prodding, Rambar says “sure” he’s seen a cop give an informant drugs. Again, why wouldn’t a crooked cop give money which would be MUCH less traceable?

We continue listening as the camera drifts through Carl’s poker game. The assembled cops aren’t taking these accusations very seriously. But either this storyline is going on for weeks or I think Carl might have a gambling problem.

Jack, sounding weirdly nasal, says he knows why Rambar never made it as a comic; he’s not funny. Burn. Also, true. Rivers asks where cops get drugs, do they buy it? Rambar laughs and say they steal it from busts, dealers, and police property rooms. Rivers and Rambar are making themselves very popular with all kinds of people, Jack, the mob, and now the police. Rivers jumps on “police property rooms.” Rambar says “love you Jack, but showbiz is my life,” before giving the details on the “Great White Robbery,” which is misnamed since a robbery has to include violence or the threat of it. 5 kilos of cocaine with a street value of more a $1 million was stolen from District Station C (good continuity there). Rivers invites Jack to fill in the details, and when he says nothing does so himself. The drugs disappeared, there were no arrests, and the drugs were never found. The perfect crime! As Jack looks incredibly pissed, Rivers says that if you asked any cop in District Station C, they’d say that the theft was an inside job. No shit, Sherlock. Jack agrees. Then Rivers goes for absolute broke and suggests that Rusty Collins knew Jack was the thief and Jack killed him for it. Wow. Jack is so shocked that he doesn’t say anything.

Oh, and Rusty’s son, Ethan, in a wild coincidence, is listening to all of this on a handheld radio. When I was his age, I was mostly watching television under the covers. Quite often Midnight Caller, actually.

Jack demands to know how Rivers sleeps at night and says that Rivers can’t go around telling lies about people. Then he vaguely threatens Rivers by saying that in physics every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and that he should think about that.

Daytime, Jack, Ethan, and Rusty’s widow, Kathleen, are walking through a park. Jack is making my head spin by telling a story about telling a story while staking out some “guys from Detroit.” Ethan is looking like he’d really much rather be playing with his Frisbee than listening to an anecdote about his dad forgetting his wedding anniversary. Kathleen tells Ethan to run on a bit so she can talk to Jack in private. They sit down on a bench and Jack asks how the kids are. Rachel, who I don’t think we ever see, is fine, but Ethan has been playing up and getting into fights. He’s going to a psychologist twice a week but he sneaks a radio under the covers at night and heard Rivers accuse Jack of murdering Rusty. Well, he either doesn’t believe it or he’s taking it really well, since he was politely walking along with Jack a couple of minutes ago. Jack promises that he’s going to “handle” Rivers. She tells him that it’d be best if he doesn’t come around for a while as it’s upsetting both the children, and her. Damn, that’s harsh. Jack asks if he can say goodbye to Ethan.

Jack goes to talk to Ethan who accuses him of killing Rusty. Huh, I guess he was just talking it well. Jack takes a deep breath and says that he did kill Rusty, but that it was an accident. Ethan seems baffled that Rivers would be allowed to tell a flagrant lie like that. Aren’t we all? Jack says that he loved Rusty, a lot, and he loves Ethan too. Ethan says that he’s got to go and sadly walks away. Despite the maudlin music, and the actors playing Ethan and his mum struggling a bit, this is a pretty good sequence. It’s the first time we’ve seen Jack interact with a child and it’s interesting that he approaches Ethan with respect and sincerity, without a trace of discomfort or condescension

On Midnight Caller, while Devon and Billy watch anxiously a caller is telling Jack that “a cop’s gotta do what a cop’s gotta do.” This is apparently intended as some sort of support of Jack although he asks why the caller thinks he did anything other than uphold the law. The caller says that he only knows what he hears and that he and the guys on the swing-shift are behind Jack 110%. With friends like those… Jack says they’re going to a commercial, but Devon shakes his head. Jack quite smoothly says they’re going to a PSA instead. Ouch. Billy tells Jack that they made page 3 of the news. Billy seems inappropriately pleased by that, or possibly he’s just got an incredibly weird sense of humour. Devon tells Jack that she’s been in her office going through the mail – after midnight, Devon? You need an intern or something. Jack asks “how am I doing?” and Devon says “60/40” which he takes as good news until she clarifies as 60/40 against him. I’d love to know where these people think the $1 million went that he supposedly stole. He doesn’t even own a car! Jack is quite disappointed by this news and quietly asks if she wants to pull the plug – from his radio career I assume. Devon strongly says that nobody wants that, she wants him to fight back. Jack says that he knows what he’s doing. Devon doesn’t dispute that but emphasises that she wants Jack to “get” Rivers and get him good. Quickly if possible. Jack says patience is a virtue and she claims that impatience is too. To be fair to Devon, there’s no sign that Jack has any plan other than trying to ride it out.

Carmen’s bar, and Devon is talking to Carl. She says that people automatically believe that an allegation that a cop is dirty is true. Carl bitterly agrees. Devon has had enough of all these fatalistic men and says that if Jack committed a crime then he should be prosecuted but if not then Rivers should be made to shut up. Carl says that Jack being an ex-cop means the brass don’t feel any need to defend him. How about the morale of all the serving cops? How about the (evidently terrible) reputation of the SFPD? Oh, apparently clearing Jack would mean dragging up the fact that drugs were stolen by cops and “the less said the better.” Except Rivers is already dragging it up and it’s far too late to go for least said, soonest mended. Devon is also not impressed by this argument and Carl asks if she’s this hard on Jack. She says he knows that she is. She tells Carl that she’s getting a lot of pressure to send Jack “on vacation” but that’s not going to happen. Carl says that’s fine by him. As Jack approaches the table, Devon sweetly tells Carl that Jack can do his job and Carl can do his – ie, clear Jack.

Jack is clearly aware of the tension of the table. He asks if he can sit down and, in the awkward silence, that isn’t exactly aimed at him, asks if he should go out and come back in again. They make room for him at the table. Carl is clearly sulking so Jack asks if there’s some problems at the department. Carl says long hours and low pay. Jack tells them about visiting Kathleen and Ethan earlier in the day. That’s a crappy day he’s having. Carl asks how the kids are, Jack says Ethan isn’t doing so great. Carl irritably asks if Jack is going to “nail this bastard.” Jack claims he is, and Devon wants to know when. Jack points out that he’s the one that Devon didn’t beat at poker. Right at this moment Kay, Rivers’s mole in the department, wanders past. Jack calls out to her, jokingly asking when their date is. She says that he’s all talk. Carl alludes to her having a mysterious boyfriend who nobody has ever met. I’d be ashamed of him too, Kay. Kay whines a little that he never calls her and Carl calls him stupid. Kay departs just as Rivers comes on over the radio. Which doesn’t make much sense as we were told earlier in the episode that Rivers’s show finishes an hour before Jack’s. Carl asks Jerado, the bartender, to turn the radio up. Rivers introduces his guest Angus Shorey, an ex-inspector with the SFPD. He’s now a novelist. Carl seems surprised to hear the name and asks Jack, “didn’t you deck him once?” Twice, in fact. HR departments on television are the worst. Who continues to employ a police officer who has twice punched the same colleague? Devon asks who Shorey is, and Carl sneeringly says he was a “loser, a mediocre detective who parlayed a lack of talent into a successful writing career.” Someone’s bitter. Jack and Carl agree that Shorey is a better detective on paper than in real life.

Rivers asks Shorey to describe the Great White theft. As Shorey rambles, we see that Maurice the gangster is once again listening. Shorey says that as he took “booty” to the evidence room he saw Jack in “3D, living colour.” Carl shakes his head and tells Jack is was a mistake punching him out the second time. Wait, he knocked Shorey out? No wonder he’s out to get Jack. Shorey says that it was Jack’s night off, so Shorey asked why he was there. Jack “made a song and dance” about having a date with someone called Muldoon. Shorey says that Muldoon had “a great pair of legs, and better taste in men than Jack Killian.” Ew. Jack protests to Carl that Muldoon was crazy about him and kept asking him out. Oh, that claim you’ll defend yourself against. Carl asks if Jack ever said no, and Jack asks if Carl ever saw her legs. Ew. Devon wryly asks if he’s a leg man. He ignores this and says that as far as he was concerned it was strictly a one-off as he was already seeing Tina. On the radio, Rivers is clarifying that this was the exact timeframe that the investigators established for the theft. Jack says that Muldoon got cold feet, she was living with someone, and Jack waited and waited. Carl sarcastically says that’s a great alibi.

Rivers asks Shorey if hypothetically Jack or another cop stole the drugs, how would they sell it. It’s a bit late for hypotheticals now. Shorey says that he’d need a major drug connection. Rivers reels off a list of possibilities include a mob family, the Crips, and Maurice Maxwell – AKA Maurice the mobster. Maurice the mobster hears this and… is less than thrilled. He shouts and stomps about and tells Hector the Henchman that he should have let him “do” Rivers. Hector languidly says that it’s not too late. Maurice demands for Sid (his lawyer I think) but it’s too late to stop Rivers from going on and on about Maxwell’s reputed crimes. At Carmen’s bar, Jack and Carl look at each other warily.

Sid has magically appeared at Maurice the Mobster’s hangout. Maurice demands he talk to Lieutenant Joffy (or possibly Joffrey, which would explain so much) and find out how Rivers got access to these confidential documents. It’s a sad thing when the people doing actually investigations are pissed off mobsters. Maurice tells Hector to get an address on “that dirtbag” Rambar.

At KWWA Rivers and a woman are walking to his car as he suggests renting a limo and driving somewhere for the weekend. As they drive off, we see someone watching and realise that it’s Kay watching as Rivers drives off with another woman after reusing his limo idea. All credit due, that was an excellent fake-out. I definitely thought he was talking to Kay.

Jack is visiting Maurice the Mobster in his ginormous and semi-secluded house. Hector the Henchman answers Jack’s knock at the door. Hector says that Jack’s expected and asks for Jack’s autograph, for his sister. Jack asks what her name is and Hector says… “Hector!” Jack has no response to that. Hector is hilarious. (And yes, this same joke did pop up in Veep)

Maurice is out on his balcony overlooking a fantastic view of the bay. Crime not only pays but is apparently awesome. Maurice gets right to the point by telling Jack he was wondering what was taking so long. That’s literally the first thing he says. Jack declines a drink. There’s a nice little bit where they each acknowledge what Rivers has accused them of and assert their innocence. They have an interesting, easy chemistry that makes me wonder if their characters are supposed to already be familiar.  Jack suggests they have a mutual problem and need to clear their names. Maurice says that he has people working on it but mildly rebuffs Jack’s inquiry, suggesting that it’s a “need to know” basis for both their “comfort.” Unspoken but definitely implied is that Moe’s “investigators” don’t ask nicely and definitely don’t wait for lawyers. Maurice tells Jack that Rivers has a “deep throat” in the SFPD, and gives Kay’s name. Jack is so obviously disappointed that Maurice comments. Then Jack suggests that Maurice have a go at solving the “Great White.” Maurice finds this amusing. I don’t know why, there are far more silly crime fighting premises. Jack wryly notes that Maurice has a “very persuasive interview” technique, and they share some lowkey humour at the idea. Maurice says that this seems to be more to Jack than just clearing his name. Jack agrees. They wrap up what they want to happen to Rivers in a really strange Wizard of Oz metaphor that I think means going to jail, but could equally mean being found in several pieces.

(It’s not a matte painting because the boats are moving in the background. It just really looks like it.)

At Carmen’s bar, Kay is drinking away her sorrows when Jack sits down next to her and asks for a shot. I think that’s what he’s asking for, he just holds up his finger and thumb a couple of inches apart.

This is begging for a caption, but I will desist.

Kay, who seems to have already had her share, asks in a husky voice if Jack has got tired of waiting for her to call. Jack asks flat out if there’s something she wants to tell him. She admits she’s seeing Kingston. Jack says he’s sorry to hear that. Kay admits that he asked her to do things she knew were wrong, but she did them anyway because she wanted Rivers to love her. She’s finally realised that he was just using her. Apparently Rivers also used her to find out info on a lot of people besides Jack, which is odd since his usual interests seemed to be supernatural and sexual melodrama rather than actual crime. Jack is quite mild although when she apologises “if” she hurt him he replies, “if you’re looking for redemption, I already gave.” Then he follows up by telling her that she could “help a friend” by helping him get Rivers at his own game.

The silhouette of someone taps briskly at Jack’s front door. It’s a badly bruised Rambar, who Jack greets with “Al, baby, you don’t look so good.” After a few barbs, Al stomps inside, sits down on Jack’s couch, and says that “Hector Perry tried to kill me!” Jack says that Hector works for Maxwell, and if he wanted Rambar dead, then he would be. Jack says he wants to know what Rivers offered Rambar. I want to know if Jack gave Hector that autograph, and where he has it hanging up. Rambar says that Rivers was supposed to introduce him to friends in Vegas but, surprise, surprise, he isn’t returning Rambar’s calls. Rivers has a real knack for making enemies. Jack, Devon, the police department, Moe, Kay, Rambar… that’d be more than enough for a decent whodunit. Jack says that this is Rivers fault and would like Rambar help Jack get him? Rambar is positively enthusiastic.

Rambar has somehow not only go through to Rivers but actually arranged a meeting. He and Rivers are walking down a street while Rivers lies that he’s been trying to arrange a meet-up with the mythical friends in Vegas but can’t while Rambar is all beat up. Rambar explains that Maurice Maxwell wanted to “send him a message” and now he’s willing to says what Rivers wants, that Jack sold drugs to Maxwell. Rivers asks why risk it after what “they” did to him. Rambar says that “revenge is the best revenge” which is memorable if not exactly witty. He then asks Rivers for money, which is hilarious. Rivers pats Rambar’s shoulder and touches his mouth with his finger. Rivers is so weird.

In Devon’s office, Tijuana Miles is agreeing to have “a rematch of the bad boys of bay area radio.” Tijuana is probably the only person whose ratings are going to go up after all this nonsense. Devon is amused and somewhat admiring. Tijuana is a little nervous that Jack won’t show up but Devon reassures her. Tijuana says it’ll mean bumping her “oyster and champagne diet show” but will be worth it “to have Jack, I’d do anything to have Jack.” Champagne diets and lusting after Jack, Tijuana is a woman after my own heart. Devon smilingly says that “you know what they say about cops,” and Tijuana practically purrs, “oh God, do I!” What “they say about cops” is a line that pops up a few times in the first season and I don’t think we ever get an explanation, other than the clear implication it’s something sexual.

Devon calls Jack at home, and tells him that Tijuana agreed. He seems hugely relieved.

At the station, Kay is facing up to her old nemesis the photocopier. She’s copying another file with the lid of the copier up.

Kay meets Rivers in a rooftop parking lot. He’s brusque about her wanting to meet. Kay’s insanely huge sunglasses says, “you wanted Jack Killian on a sacrificial altar, you got him.” Well, there’s an image I’m going to be thinking about all day. Kay tells him that the department reopened the investigation and can prove that Maxwell bought the drugs that Jack supposedly stole. She lays the compliments on thick, telling Rivers he did a great job, a public service. Then she awkwardly segues into asking if she’s the only woman in his life. “Absolutely,” he says. He asks if he can have the file and she replies “absolutely.” He kisses her but she’s clearly way too pissed off to return it.

We go through the cheesy credits for the “Tijuana Miles! Show,” again. Tijuana and Rivers are on set but Jack hasn’t arrived yet. Tijuana does a little into confirming that this nonsense has been going on for a week. Jack jogs through a warehouse as a limousine draws up in the pouring rain. Maurice gets out and gives Jack, “the best confession I ever read. This guy is a great writer!” Jack asks who it is, and when he looks in the limo we see that it’s Angus Shorey. Jack cheerfully says he knew that Shorey was lame but didn’t know he was crooked as well. Shorey, who is being physically restrained by Hector, tells Jack to go to hell. Maurice says that a couple of small time guys from down south received the drugs. He hands Jack the confession and says that he hopes it finds its way to the proper authorities. Jack sweetly agrees.

Rivers is claiming that Jack hasn’t arrived yet because he’s a dirty cop. Or possibly because he seems to have a chronic problem with punctuality. As Tijuana tells Rivers that these are serious charges, Jack sneaks in the back of the studio. Rivers claims that he has proof: Shorey’s statement and “this file which establishes a link between Killian and reputed mobster Maurice Maxwell.” There’s a link NOW, Rivers, thanks to you. Rivers trails off as Jack arrives on set and takes his seat. As someone mics Jack up, Rivers makes claims about what internal affairs believe happened. Finally he adds that Rambar can substantiate the “facts” and that Jack hasn’t provided any evidence to the contrary. Jack apologises for being late and tells Rivers that Shorey sends his regards. Rivers accuses him of “tampering with my witnesses.” Jack points out they’re not in court. Rivers says it’s the court of public opinion, which is a pretty good line.

Jack says that Rambar is pissed and he’d like to know when he’s getting the Vegas gig that he was promised for his testimony. Jack attacks Rambar’s credibility and then demanding to know where Rivers got the file. As we see Devon watching the show live, and smiling to herself, Rivers claims he has the duty to protect his sources. Jack says that he didn’t do a very good job, as his informant has fully cooperated in an internal affairs investigation into her conduct. Rivers looks like he’s about to cry. Jack says she’s been charged with handing over confidential police files to Rivers but she’s probably going to get off pretty lightly since she’s cooperated in a sting operation and the file she gave him last night, the one he’s waving around, will be exhibit A. Rivers laughs and lights a cigarette, which seems like it would be a no-no. He says that Jack must be desperate as he’s making things up. Jack pulls an envelope out of his pocket and says the reason he’s late is that Shorey, Rivers’s “principal witness” has confessed to the “Great White” theft. We see Kathleen and Ethan watching, but not invisible Rachel, because they didn’t bother to cast her. As Rivers snatches the confession, Tijuana finally speaks up to check he means Angus Shorey the author, he was on her show yesterday. That actually makes sense since when he interviewed him Rivers said his book had just been released. Jack snarks that some people will do anything to promote a book as Rivers reads through the confession with a horrified expression. Tijuana reminds Rivers that the last time the two was on her show, Jack told Rivers that his days were numbered. “It looks like the countdown has begun,” she says. I really like Tijuana. It’s a shame we never see her again.

Rivers, frantically puffing at a cigarette says that Jack can’t make any of this stick. Definitely not Shorey’s confession. Jack takes off his mic and says they’ll see. As he tries to make a dramatic exit, Rivers jumps up and says that he’s not done with Jack. Jack turns around and says that nobody is listening to him anymore. As he walks away Rivers calls him a wimp (so terrible at insults) and screams at him to come back. Jack calls “ciao, baby,” as Rivers screams at him some more and calls him a bastard. Ooh, Tijuana’s going to get a fine for that one. But on the other hand she’s going to get tons of publicity and great clips for her adverts. Rivers keeps screaming and screaming even though Jack has gone. Tijuana looks mostly embarrassed.

Ethan is looking at a photo of Jack and Rusty. I assume it’s Rusty, it’s the first time we’ve actually been able to see his face. He and Kathleen exchange a look and a nod.

Rivers, with a blonde woman, is doing his “let’s hire a limo this weekend” routine. The amount he uses that line he should just buy one. A limo turns up and Maurice gets out along with Hector. Rivers whines they can’t hurt him, he has a witness. Maurice addresses him as “Kingston, baby.” What is with all the “babys” in this episode? Is it a bet or did the writer just need a thesaurus? Maurice says Rivers has the wrong idea, he’s violent, he doesn’t even like to get tough. “I leave that to the lawyers.” And Hector, don’t forget Hector. He whips out a subpoena and says that while Jack might not want to sue Rivers for libel, he does and he’s going to keep Rivers in court for a long time. “I can afford it.” Bwahaha.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is talking about the fascination with evil and “the dark side of the human soul” is sometimes “a mirror we cannot turn away from.” But that we need to avoiding “drinking too long or too deeply at the well of other people’s misery” because we face “plunging into the abyss” with no way back. It’s very poetic but I’m not sure it entirely makes sense. It’s also a little generous to Rivers, since he doesn’t come over as a vigilante or obsessive so much as a psychopathic muckraker. Jack wishes America a goodnight.

Goodnight, wherever you are.

Notes:

1)    The show has a lot of interesting and complex characters, but the antagonists tend to be painted with very broad strokes and this episode is no different. That said, Rivers is an entertainingly hissable villain.

2)    Jack’s initial dislike of Rivers seems rooted in him being a “con artist” not necessarily in his antagonistic discourse and bulling.

3)    Nowadays the whole story about the kid with a gun would probably drown the show in complaints from both the pro and con camps.

4)    Jack and Devon join a poker game, which wouldn’t be important except that in season three a major plot point in one episode is that Jack doesn’t know how to play cards.

5)    Once again, a female employee in the police department is providing info to the antagonist.

6)    Rivers’s whole plot seems ill-founded. Why would Jack be taken off the air because he might have done something dodgy a couple of years ago? He’s already “controversial” and a “bad boy.”  

7)    Jack’s initial refusal to defend himself is frustrating but a consistent character trait. He also tends not to expect other characters to explain/defend themselves either.

8)    Both Jack and Grimes imply that Rivers is known to make things up, but this isn’t ever used as a reason to disbelieve him.

9)    When Rambar says he loves Jack but showbiz is his life, he’s basically admitting that he’s lying and the reason why.

Chapter Text

In which half the episode is a character drama and then half the episode is an 80s action movie.

  We open on a darkened house as a teenage girl listens to her mother and stepfather arguing about her not wanting to sleep with him. The stepfather then comes into the girl’s bedroom and comes onto to her, finally saying that he’s not leaving her room until he gets what he wants. It’s wildly overdramatic, unfortunately, which really reduces the effectiveness.

Credits. 

We open on a shot of a bus arriving in the city at nighttime. The same teenage girl makes her way through the dark streets as she’s trailed by a car.

At KJCM, Jack is going through his fan mail. I strongly suspect this is at least partly based on the fan mail that Gary Cole actually received, since I’ve read interviews where he said he received enough underwear to start a lingerie store. Jack laughs as he tells Devon about his 5^th marriage proposal of the week. In response to Devon asking what she looks like Jack waves a nude photograph and says not bad. He claims she has “matching collar and cuffs” but it’s a black and white photo. Devon isn’t thrilled at having a nude photo waved at her. She is however pleased that KJCM is really making inroads in the ratings. They’re number 5 overall and Jack’s show is 1^st in it’s timeslot. Presumably Rivers’s downfall at the end of 1x07 had something to do with that. It says quite a lot about Jack that instead of asking for a raise, he asks if they can take some “chances” with the show.

This is a perfectly reasonable gesture, but it’s more fun to pretend it’s not.

In a hotel room, a creepy balding man with a ponytail, Mr Gaddis, talks to his hulking and half-naked male sidekick, Emil, about sometimes forgetting what he’s done to “her” and what he’s made “her” become. He makes arrangements to take her to lunch and buy her some new clothes.

Back in Devon’s office, Jack is talking about opening up the format of the show. He’s worried that it’s getting stale, although he admits to Devon that it’s not just the audience - it’s getting stale for him. He wants to force the audience to think and to feel that they’re giving back to the city. Devon asks for a concrete suggestion. He suggests lunch.

The teenage girl from earlier is trying on an evening dress. A blonde helps her accessorise. Gaddis compliments her and says he’s going to ask the blonde, Christen, to come along in the evening. The suggestion is that he wants a threeway.

“I can’t believe that you didn’t get the lead in Miami Vice…”

Jack and Devon are wandering along a street. Jack acknowledges that he’s asked before, but he’d really like to play some music. Devon asked if this is some repressed childhood fantasy. She makes it clear that KJCM’s DJs are chosen because she knows enough about music to ensure an eclectic and diverse range of music is played. So get back in your box, Jack. They bicker slightly about whether she’s uptight, and Devon asks “what are we talking about, Jack?” And he points to a teenage boy. Jack bets her $10 that in 5 minutes the boy is going to snatch an old lady’s purse, sell some dope, or sell his body. This conversation is all over the place. Jack says that’s their show.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is taking a call from a lady in the pilot. She says that she called him about the pervert who used to expose himself to her every morning. Jack remembers that he told her to ask him to come close so she could get a better look to describe him to the cops. Well, now they’re getting married! Billy is killing himself laughing in the booth. Jack says, no word of a lie, “groovus maximus,” and I die a little. He also asks for an invitation to the wedding.

Christen is putting on makeup. She addresses the teenage girl as Denise. Denise says that her name is actually Dee-Dee, but Gaddis thinks it sounds too ordinary. We find out that Dee-Dee has been “with him” for 6 months. Christen gently says that she needs to think about what she’s going to do when Gaddis abandons her – she’s not the first and she won’t be the last.

Jack rolls his eyes at the fact that Billy has put through someone claiming to be “Harry Callahan” ie Dirty Harry. Billy is definitely just trolling now. The caller does a bad impersonation of Clint Eastwood, asking Jack if he feels lucky. Jack is not amused.

Dee-Dee, Emil, and Gaddis are in a hotel room. Gaddis introduces her to a couple of suits as his “companion” and tells them to “do with her as you will.” You’d think they spring for a high-class teenage hooker each rather than sharing.

Jack is finishing off his show. He says they’ll be back on Monday, so we know this is a Saturday.

Dee-Dee is lay on top of a bed. Her face is bruised, she’s sobbing, and she’s clutching a teddy bear because sometimes this show wouldn’t know subtlety if it tripped over it. Christen tries to comfort her. Gaddis comes in and throws Christen out, grabbing her by the hair when she tries to stay. Gaddis makes light of the situation, calling it a “game that got out of control.” He promises that he does love her, but that it doesn’t come free. When Dee-Dee suggests that his feelings for her won’t last, he realises that Christen has been telling tales out of school. As Dee-Dee sobs, he unbuttons his shirt and we mercifully fade to black rather than show this character getting raped for the third time in less than fifteen minutes.

Jack and Devon are walking along in the dark. He’s complaining at going to an art exhibit on his one night off a week, so it must be Sunday. You work 3 hours a day! That’s eighteen hours a week, Jack. Devon bounces off the fourth wall as she says that he has to do these things now as he has a “profile” and he’s “a leading man now.” She also tells him that leading men don’t smoke, it’s very “old wave.” Dear Showrunners, maybe just have a conversation with Gary Cole rather than this rather awkward and weird scene? Jack says that he’s trying to quit. Reporters surround them, including a television reporter because apparently it’s a really slow news week in San Francisco. The reporter refers to Jack as “controversial” again, but I guess it’s better than the “bad boys of radio” thing.

Inside, Jack is responding to the modern art exactly as might be expected. He also sarcastically says that he’s going to have a lot of fun. Devon tells him that he’s going to have a wonderful time, which is a flat out lie, and that there are a lot of important people for him to meet. The implication that Jack should meet important people, and at an art gallery, is borderline delusional at best. Jack meeting “important people” generally results in threats of lawsuits and sometimes in arrests. Jack asks what important people. Devon says Joe Montana and Jack gets genuinely excited, but she’s just kidding. It’s the mayor. She makes Jack smile and wave. I wonder if the mayor will remember that in the 3^rd season when Jack brings down most of the local government in a homelessness scandal. Not even kidding.

“I’m smiling falsely, Devon. You should do the same.”

“Psst, I’m your future.”

A middle-aged woman gawps at Jack and then approaches Devon. She’s “dying to know” if it’s true what “they” say about Killian. Devon asks what that is, and she whispers it into Devon’s ear, because the director hates me. Devon says “not only that” and whispers something back. The middle-aged woman is literally open-mouthed with shock. Devon smirks as the woman has another stare at Jack.

Gaddis is holding forth about the “trash” in the gallery, while Dee-Dee hangs on his every word. Gaddis seems more interested in the “leading lights” of the community, and points out “the man behind the voice, Jack Killian, the Nighthawk.” Jack is the only person swigging from a bottle of beer, because of course he is. Dee-Dee excitedly asks if that’s “the guy on the radio.” Jack walks past them right as Gaddis is lecturing her that he’s the man on the radio, not the guy on the radio. Heh, awkward. Gaddis notices Jack, address him by name, and asks how his show is doing. Jack is clearly startled to be recognised and addressed, but politely says that he has no complaints. Gaddis says they’re big fans and introduces himself. Jack is still trying to be polite and asks what his daughter’s name is. As Devon lurks in the background watching, Gaddis laughs that Dee-Dee isn’t his daughter and that “things are not what they appear to be.” Jack is instantly suspicious that there’s some statutory rape going on and tells Gaddis, in a quite restrained way, that if things were as they appeared then Gaddis might be in trouble. They part ways, Jack shaking his head in disbelief. He turns around and almost walks into Devon who carefully tells him he needs to “cultivate [his] social skills, as, she says, he doesn’t have any. Jack takes this better than should be expected.

Carmen’s bar. A band plays loud rock and is onscreen for far too long. Jack arrives with a disconcerted Devon in tow. He claims it is a bar and social club and talks about the “biggest names” in entertainment, politics, and law enforcement. Presumably, this episode was shown out of sequence, as Jack and Devon are acting as if she’s never been in Carmen’s before, although she was here in 1x07 meeting Carl. Devon asks why Jack’s photo isn’t on the wall – he says that he’s not a showbiz kind of guy. As the music goes on, and on, we see that Jack and Devon have found a booth. Jack has pitched an idea that we haven’t heard but he tells Devon it will bring the story to the audience and hit them right between the eyes. Nobody likes being hit between the eyes, Jack. Devon says that it’s dangerous and Jack’s response of “so what?” isn’t exactly reassuring. As she looks unconvinced, he tells her that they need to put their money where their mouth is. He tells her that he’ll be back and wanders off to speak to an elderly patron. He brings the man back and introduces him to Devon as “Charlie Larson.” He introduces Devon as his boss, because the audience needs to be reminded that the “will-they-won’t-they” is unresolved. Larson asks how she “hooked up with a lowlife like Killian.” Devon says it wasn’t easy but, “as you get older you learn to lower your standards.” I love Devon. Larson is enthusiastic about the idea of a show about runaways, in part because he grew up on the streets and is always happy to help homeless kids. He offers any help they need and leaves, but not before revealing that Carmen is in Vegas. Devon is surprised to learn that Charlie is the Charlie Larson the “poultry magnate.” I struggle to believe that’s a thing.

Midnight Caller, Jack, smoking in defiance of Devon’s earlier distaste, introduces the show with a poetic description of homeless children and teens. He asserts that they are everyone’s children. As he goes on we see that he has several teenagers with him. He says that they’re going to talk about their hopes and dreams. By the end of the show he wants better for them, for someone to reach out to them. As he talks we see Dee-Dee brushing her hair. Gaddis sneers that they should call “this patron saint of lost souls” and tell him that “life in the big city doesn’t have to be so dreary.” Way to miss the point, Gaddis. Although “patron saint of lost souls” is as good a description as any.

Jack takes a call from Pacific Heights. (Every time that happens I want it to Michael Keaton, because I’m old.) Dee-Dee claiming to be “Theresa” says she’s a 16 year-old runaway says she has it all and boasts about where she lives and how she eats. Jack asks her what the cost of her “American dream” is and she falls silent. Well that backfired.

Oh look, a montage! We haven’t had one of those in a while: Jack takes calls and interviews homeless teens; Gaddis greets clients, Dee-Dee looks increasingly regretful.

Jack finishes the show and says “bingo!” to the grinning teens.

Gaddis is complaining to Dee-Dee that he does everything for her and she isn’t grateful enough to do the things he asks her. He wraps it up a bit but basically implies she’s behaving childishly.

Dee-Dee is walking through a public area. She’s looking around, watching a couple hugging, and flashing back to clients beating her up and Christen saying that she’ll be safe. The henchman watches her from a distance.

Jack gazes adoringly at Devon. It’s only fair.

In Devon’s office, her lawyers are saying that the broadcast might have broken the law that says an individual can’t broker adoptions. They could be slapped with an injunction from broadcasting on the issue. Devon claims that they were responsible and checked the references of anyone offering to help. Jack chimes in that all they did was get the kids jobs and somewhere to sleep, they’re not running an adoption agency. No, just a sweatshop… He’s chomping on gum as he makes his speech. The lawyers suggest that they back off or they’re going to end up with a big legal bill and nothing else to show for it. Devon refuses, they’re doing it again that night.

Jack walks down a street, followed by Dee-Dee. He ducks into a shop and when he comes out again she approaches him, addressing him by name. He’s polite enough but it takes him a moment to place her. She compliments the runaway show and then seems to run out of steam. Jack tries to encourage her to speak up but she just ends up asking for an autograph. As he gives it to her, he asks if she called the show, he obviously recognises her as “Theresa,” but she denies it. Dee-Dee slumps away as Jack watches.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is taking a call from Jodie. Jack realises that it’s Dee-Dee again as she asks what she should do if she’s in a relationship with someone who’s using her. Jack gently asks if this is about the show they’re doing or something else. She says it is about the show, it’s about love, and fear, and everything else. As Gaddis walks into the room she puts the phone down. Gaddis asks who she’s talking to. She claims she was singing to herself.

Daytime: Christen and Dee-Dee are walking along the street. Christen says that the previous girl was called Elizabeth. She disappeared and when Christen asked about her, Gaddis just laughed. Christen hands over Gaddis’s diary which reveals that Gaddis sold Elizabeth “like a used car.” As they talk someone watches from a car. Christen asks if he knows that she has turned Dee-Dee against him. Dee-Dee agrees and Christen says they need to destroy Gaddis first then. Dee-Dee says that Jack will help them.

Dee-Dee and Christen arrive at an apartment building as a car trails them.

Gaddis and his fabulous telephone are pissed to discover that the henchman thinks Dee-Dee and Christen have his diary. He tells the henchman to keep them in his sight.

Gaddis searches Dee-Dee’s room for his diary.

Dee-Dee is on the telephone to her mother. The first thing her mother says is that “he” is gone and to beg Dee-Dee to come home. Dee-Dee sobs into the telephone.

Carmen’s and Christen approaches Jack. He definitely likes what he sees.

Christen’s house and the henchman is outside.

In Carmen’s, Jack is incredulously reading Gaddis’s diary. More bad guys should keep wildly incriminating diaries. Think how helpful it would be to law enforcement. Jack asks if Christen “played referee for this degenerate’s playtime.” Christen swallows her irritation at being called out and says she was but she’s done with it. Jack asks how she knew how to find him. She smiles darkly that he’s “becoming a landmark in San Francisco” and she’s not a tourist. She hands over a photo of Dee-Dee and he says he knows her. Jack says that they can turn the diary over to the police and maybe get Gaddis convicted of pandering and corrupting the morals of a minor. They can put Dee-Dee on a bus and send her home, if she wants to go home. Christen says that she is and that she’s at Christen’s apartment. Jack asks if Gaddis knows where Dee-Dee is. Christen says no but we see that’s 100% wrong as Gaddis joins the henchman outside the apartment.

Gaddis complains about the henchman letting Christen out of his sight and the henchman has to explain not being in two places at once. Gaddis seems to consider this a weak excuse.

At District Station C, Carl answers the phone. Hi Carl! Jack says he needs something and Carl says he always does. Jack basically demands Carl drop everything and meet him at Carmen’s. Carl says he’ll be there in 20 minutes. I bet Carl misses the days when Jack worked for him and couldn’t pull this shit.

Dee-Dee paces in front of the window.

Carl has arrived and is discussing the diary with Jack and Christen. He and Christen leave.

Carl and Christen arrive outside Christen’s apartment. Emil the henchman correctly identifies them as cops. Gaddis dramatically says that they’ve been betrayed but that the cops are “only men, just like us.” Then he notices that Jack is still in the car. Carl and Christen return to the car with Dee-Dee in tow. As they pull away, Gaddis says “let’s go.” It really seems that intercepting them before they got in the car would’ve been wiser.

Gaddis’s car gives chase and, as they pull alongside, he leans out of the window wielding a machine gun. Annnnd that’s when this episode leapt over the shark. As someone screams, he opens fire. Carl loses control of the car and it spins around and hits a parked vehicle. Christen and Dee-Dee get out as Gaddis and Emil approach. Gaddis guns down Christen, because redemption is very clichéd. Dee-Dee takes off with Emil in pursuit as Gaddis shoots at the car. We see Jack and Cark taking cover behind the car and magically not being turned into Swiss cheese. Carl asks if Jack is armed and when he says no hands over a back-up gun.

Emil has captured Dee-Dee and rather than finish off the two witnesses to a murder, Gaddis and Emil drag her off. Jack checks Christen’s pulse. (Also, it looks like Gary Cole gives the actress’s shoulder a little squeeze before they run off.)

Gaddis and Emil drag Dee-Dee into what looks like a department store. Gaddis politely greets the security guard, and then guns him down. Carl and Jack are right behind them, horrified to see the dead guard. Jack is wearing an ankle length coat for some reason. It’s impressively swirly when he runs. He looks like Batman.

Carl and Jack silently split up to check the doors in an apparently empty corridor. It’s all very smooth and efficient, until Gaddis somehow bursts out behind them. Gaddis opens fire with a hand gun, hitting Carl, who goes down screaming. Noooo! Jack ducks and weaves to avoid being shot, and escapes to the staff stairwell, leaving Carl behind. Jack shoots out the light.

Gaddis drags Carl, screaming in agony, along the floor. It’s honestly pretty distressing. Gaddis opens up the door to the stairwell and addresses Jack as “St Francis” although Saint Nicholas seems more apt. Gaddis says that “your friend’s life is turning into a carpet stain.” He boasts that they’ve got Dee-Dee and that Jack should “switch off the mike, show’s over.” Carl, pale and sweating, bellows, “cut his heart out, Jack!” Gaddis calls for Jack to come out, “time to take your bow!”

The elevator behind Emil opens and Jack emerges, taking out Emil with one shot. Fortunately Dee-Dee isn’t also shot, since Emil is literally shielding himself with her. Gaddis and Jack face off and both shoot: Gaddis seems to miss, Jack definitely doesn’t.

Dee-Dee and her teddy-bear (bleugh) are on a bus. She smiles to herself without an apparent care in the world despite having watched three people she knew, and one she didn’t, shot to death in front of her.

The camera pans to the city, and then to Jack on Midnight Caller. He’s talking about “the dark night of the American Dream.” He talks about doing terrible things in the name of love but that “the human heart is as fragile as a child’s dream in autumn.” I generally enjoy Jack’s slightly weird poetic wrap-ups, but this one is trying way too hard. Billy is taking this much more seriously than I can.

“To crush autumnal dreams is to assume the mantle of the oppressor.” – actual dialogue.

Notes:

1) At no point do we get told that Carl is okay. Pretty big oversight there.

2) Jack couldn’t have heard Gaddis’s jeering or Carl screaming, he’d already left the stairwell and got to the elevator.

3) Do Americans say “autumn”? I thought it was “fall.”

Chapter Text

Good episode name, good episode, hateful new character.

Kudos on the clever and accurate title, show.

Jack is taking calls, he’s quite amused by the space cadet calling about George and Martha Washington’s wild sexual escapades, and then receives one from “JJ,” Peter Boyle, who asks where Jack was from originally and if he has any brothers and sisters (in Chicago and one of each, for anyone interested.) These are both weirdly personal and also the sort of question that are quite likely to be in the public record. We’ve been told over and over that Jack is a public figure and we’ve seen him being interviewed by Tijuana Miles so he’s certainly not refusing to do any publicity. Anyway, Jack is immediately suspicious and asks JJ if he’s intending on writing Jack’s unauthorised biography. As Billy smirks, JJ says that’s it’s a thought and he has just one more question: what’s Jack’s mother’s name? Jack says “Anne,” and wants to know where JJ is going with this. JJ says the deal is that he thinks that he may be Jack’s father.

 Credits!

Devon is on the phone to her father. They’re arguing about some advice from her accountant, Roger. Devon mutters to herself as she leaves her office and is short with Jack when he wanders by, going so far as to accuse him of waking up with a hangover. Jack really wants to talk about this whole “possible dad” situation with her so he doesn’t make a big deal of her hangover accusation. Instead, he mildly asks if she heard Midnight Caller the night before. She did not and snarkily says that “unlike you and Dracula” she tries to be asleep at 3am. Which is pretty ridiculous since she frequently listens to his show and, more to the point, 12-3 was the slot for which she recruited him! He didn’t ask for it. Jack says that he gives up and he’ll come back later.

The face of a man who knows his sounding board has her own plotline this episode, thank you very much.

Devon immediately apologises, because she’s a grownup and generally, this isn’t a show that wastes time on stupid misunderstandings. She says that her father is getting to her. Jack says that there’s a lot of it going around, but declines to explain or unburden himself as he clearly hoped to do when he arrived. Instead, he says he’ll talk to her later. Aww.

At Carmen’s JJ is playing pool. Jack, who clearly recognises him and doesn’t like what he sees, approaches.

Pissy face - take one

JJ lightly says that the trick is making shots when there’s money on the table but that pool isn’t his game. Jack with a cold bitterness asks if his game is running out on his family. JJ seems slightly surprised and notes that Jack “isn’t going to make this easy. I guess that’s fair.”

(In the interests of full-disclosure, I like Peter Boyle as an actor but I loathe JJ. He starts off as utterly selfish but by the third or so episode he appears in it’s clear that he’s some kind of sociopath and it annoys me so much that he never gets punished for it. Bah!)

JJ says that he’ll buy Jack a drink. Jerado, who works insane hours, brings over two coffees. JJ asks if Jack doesn’t drink. Jack says that it’s a little early in the day – which is either a mistake or a flat out lie, since we’ve seen him drinking a beer while getting dressed. JJ says that any hour of the day is too early for him. He angles for sympathy by suggesting he has a drinking problem. Jack covers his jab of empathy by saying he doesn’t even know if JJ is who he claims. JJ insists he is, describing the house they lived in back in Chicago and the schools the kids went to. He finally asks after Jack’s mom, his wife, and Jack brutally replies ‘she’s dead.’ The fact that JJ first approached Jack, the now famous radio host, instead of looking for his own wife, should make the basic plot very clear. JJ looks honestly rather surprised as Jack goes on to say it was cancer, about 10 years ago. Everything in the past in Midnight Caller took place 10 years ago. Jack sneers at JJ’s sympathies. Jack angrily demands to know what JJ wants. He claims that he was just passing through and heard Jack on the radio. He asks if Jack knows what the odds are on Jack actually being his “kid,” because JJ can’t go three minutes without an allusion to gambling. Jack says obviously not long enough. JJ introduces his wife, Jo.

Pissy face - take two.

Jack sarcastically asks if he’s supposed to call her “mom” but doesn’t ask how he can have a wife when he thought Anne was still alive and later episodes make it clear that Anne was an observant Catholic. Either the writers hadn’t thought that far ahead or Anne got a divorce.

Anyway, Jo knows the reconciliation isn’t and Jack apologises for being rude to her. Then he tries to bolt. JJ gives him a matchbook for the hotel where they’re staying. Stay classy, JJ. Jack starts to say something but changes his mind and leaves.

Devon is having dinner with Mel, and step-mother and refusing to discuss “this tax thing.” Mel says that KJCM is “his investment” and he intends to defend it. Devon says that she’s paying him back, with interest, and in three years, he’ll have made money on it. This is interesting because Devon normally claims that her father gave her the station, rather than lending her the money to buy it. Mel complains that the interest was her idea and then goes on about her dead brother Jimmy who according to him would’ve been the bestest, biggest, business man IN THE WORLD EVER and so much better than Devon! Devon loses her temper about this, and then Mel loses his temper, and then Devon reads him the riot act about how Jimmy was full of harebrained schemes, was a drunk, and who crashed his expensive sports car while 3x the legal limit (presumably how he died). If Jack could see her he would be so proud. Mel asks her to leave. Devon apologises but Mel insists. Devon gets into her car and bangs her head on the steering wheel.

Jack is looking at an old photo album. He finds a ticket to the baseball game that JJ mentioned.

On Midnight Caller, Jack irritably tells a caller that he’s a guy with opinions, not an encyclopaedia. He takes another call from “Bear” (or possible Bar) who says that he’s a big fan, listens all the time, and that Jack sounds a little “froggy.” The caller defines “froggy” as short-tempered, tetchy, etc. Get used to it Bear, it’s by no means the last time. Jack admits that he is indeed feeling “froggy” and apologises. Bear ruins his “great at picking up vibes” credentials by asking what the deal was with “that guy claiming to be your father.” There is a verrrry long pause before Jack sits up, the music kicks in, and Billy looks concerned. Jack says he hasn’t he hasn’t seen his dad in 27 years, since he went out for a pack of cigarettes. Jack and Nelson Munz should totally form a support group. We see JJ in his hotel room with Jo as Jack says that JJ left $486 in the bank and an overdue rent bill. These seem like details that a small child shouldn’t have been aware of. Jack says he thinks of a father as a provider of material things as well as discipline, praise, and comfort. Jack says that he never had that growing up. He never had any discipline, his brother never had any fatherly praise, and his sister never had any “strong arms” to comfort her. Jack finally says that JJ has the “biological qualifications” to be his father, but he can’t think of JJ as a father. Bear is probably really regretting asking the question.

Daytime, and Jack, with a cigarette dangling from his lower lip, answers the door. It’s Jo, who reads him the riot act about the show. Jack refuses to apologise, as well he should. They have a row, which lurches into being unintentionally hilarious when Gary Cole’s Chicago accent gets so thick that he sounds like a parody of a mobster. Jo, who is subtly showing her true colours here, calls him a “sanctimonious little bastard,” and insists that JJ made a mistake. She asks if Jack never made a mistake, never felt terrible about something he couldn’t change. He had 27 years, lady.

Tight jeans are tight. Especially in places that they shouldn’t be.

Jack means JJ on a bridge. Boo. Reconciliation where one party is utterly selfish and views the other party as a meal ticket is not a heart warming story, show. JJ asks if Jack likes boats. Jack says he likes looking at them but he gets seasick. JJ babbles that he loves the sea, that’s where he went when he left. He asks if Jack wants to hear this. Jack is ambivalent. JJ says that he was a sailor, first in the navy and then in the merchant marines. He waxes poetic about Jack’s mom for a bit and claims that she made him choose between her and the sea. Way to subtly suggest she’s responsible, JJ.

Then he gets distracted and asks Jack if he wants a light for his cigarette. Jack says that he’s “Robert Blake-ing” it and is trying to quit. JJ says they got married, moved to Chicago, and he worked as a welder. You can see Jack starting to thaw just a little bit. JJ says that after a while he got wanderlust because the sea was in his blood. He admits that it was a terrible thing to do, the act of a coward, but that it was too late. Jack mildly suggests that “some people” believe it’s never too late.

Jack and JJ are walking through a graveyard. JJ says that he came back once, about 5 years later, but they’d moved and all he could find out was it was to “somewhere in California.” He claims it was the lowest part of his life and he decided to kill himself but “the slow way.” Jack says he’s been there and maybe he’ll tell JJ about it sometime. I strongly suspect that JJ and Jo already know all about Rusty etc. The things they say are far too well designed to elicit Jack’s guilt otherwise. JJ says he mostly drifted and drank. He says Jo saved his life. Jack says that it’s interesting and that he should tell “her.” They’re at Anne’s grave. JJ says he would like that. Jack walks off a little way and JJ just sort of looks at the gravestone.

Tight jeans + hands in pockets = a very unfortunate visual right there.

Devon is on the phone to someone called Joan, she’s trying to talk to Mel but he’s ducking her, claiming to be in a meeting.

In the graveyard, Jack asks JJ what he’s doing in San Francisco. JJ is buying a fishing boat with a buddy and on his way to Oregon. Jack thinks he’s too old for that but JJ says his buddy has two sons who will do all the hard work. JJ asks Jack what he thinks. Jack says he’s still thinking. I think JJ is a liar, liar, pants on fire.

Devon is talking to a sponsor who wants Jack to “stop goofing around” when he’s running the sponsors spots. Jack, with JJ in tow, starts to walk into the room, hears this complaint, and walks out again. Since Jack normally plays pre-recorded adverts and uses the time to pursue the story of the week, or go to the bathroom, I’m curious exactly how he’s “goofing around.” Unfortunately, Devon spots Jack and calls out to him. She reminds Jack that this is Tom Garret of Garret Motors. Jack pretends to be bright and cheerful as he shakes hands with Tom. Tom says nothing and slumps away. “Another satisfied customer,” Jack remarks. Devon shakes her head and ironically tells Jack that he’s “such a burden.” Jack takes that moment to introduce her to JJ. Oops. Devon looks unsure if she should cheer or punch JJ in the face. Punch, Devon. JJ is impressed that she’s Jack’s boss and says that her father must be proud that she owns “all of this.” Devon manages to claim that he is but it’s unconvincing. She invites JJ in for coffee but he declines, he has to meet Jo. As JJ leaves in the elevator, JJ says he’s glad they did this and he knows it was hard for Jack. The door starts to close but Jack stops it, and says he’s glad too, and that he’ll call.

JJ and Jo are meeting with a sleazy guy about a high stakes poker game. The buy-in is $15K and JJ only has 10. The sleazy guy asks where he’s going to get $5K in two days. JJ says he’s working on it.

Sigh. I hate JJ so much.

Devon is in bed, reading a book and half listening to Jack saying something about “low income housing for the elderly.” Devon’s step-mom, Alice, calls. Devon sighs and says to tell Mel that she’ll talk to Jack in the morning about the “Burt Shapiro” business. Alice, who always looks like she’s wearing someone else’s hair, says she’s calling because Mel has had a heart attack. Devon arrives at the hospital and a doctor gives her a lot of medical babble that translates to Mel having had a small heart attack but they’re not going to operate. Devon asks if that’s a good thing – it is. Mel is sleeping and can’t have visitors but Alice and Devon decide to wait at the hospital until the morning when they can see him.

Jack is on-air saying that people have to fight for the city, then he signs off. Billy compliments him on a good show, and Jack replies “thank you William,” which is funnier than it sounds. Then Billy asks what’s going on with Jack’s dad. Jack says that if Billy buys him breakfast at Carmen’s he’ll tell him all about it. Most of us struggle to find someone who’ll listen to us moan about family. Jack has people agreeing to buy him food for the pleasure of doing so.

Devon calls her mom, who complains that it’s late. Since Jack just finished his show it must be after 3am. That’s not late, that’s “someone better be dead” time. Devon’s mom asks if Mel is alive and if Alice is there. Then she basically calls off. Devon and Alice have a little chat and pretend they believe that Devon’s mom is concerned that Mel had a heart attack. I think once you’re divorced and the kids are grown you should stop having to pretend to worry that you ex might be dying.

JJ and Jo arrive at Jack’s because it’s time to twist the screws for that $5000. They sit down and JJ says they wanted to say goodbye before they left. Jack is surprised since they’re supposed to be there for a few more days. JJ makes out like he’s about to fall off the alcoholism wagon and long story short (too late!), they say that they need $5000 for the boat or it’s going to be sold to someone else. Because apparently there’s only one boat for sale in the whole of California.

Jack suddenly realises that they’re trying to get the money from him but JJ is a pro and deflects very well, saying they don’t want Jack’s money.

Devon is at the hospital talking to a very poorly Mel. They make up, with Devon tearfully apologising. Mel tells her “you’re the child every parent wishes they had.” Aww. You guys. This storyline is so much better than the Jack & JJ stuff. They even talk about how Jimmy actually resented Devon, which must be hard to hear but makes it all a bit more realistic. Sibling relationships can be a real hodge-podge of love and resentment.

Jack is drinking at Carmen’s. Jerado asks where he’s going and Jack says “to do something stupid,” because even though he knows that it’s a scam, he’s still going to give JJ the money. Bah. JJ says he doesn’t know what to say, and Jack asks to be told that he’s not going to regret it. I regret it, and it’s not even my money.

JJ arrives at the poker game, which has a security guard, and introduces himself to each and every person individually. JJ looks pretty threadbare compared to the rest of the players and the host nicely points out that $15K is the minimum buy-in. We’re obviously supposed to worry that he’s going to lose all the money but a) JJ is clearly a life-long scam artist, and b) I hate JJ. I would just about fall off my chair laughing if he crashed out of the game during the first hand.

Jack runs up the stairs to the studio with a cigarette in his mouth and a cup of coffee in his hand. Gary Cole has a bit of business where it looks like Jack spilled some on his hand but if there was anything in that cup it would’ve already gone all over his clothes and the floor. He jogs into the studio as Billy sarcastically points out that it’s 11:58 and he doesn’t know if he can deal with this amount of preparation from Jack. Jack cheerfully replies that diligence is the cornerstone of professionalism. Billy finally gets to contribute to the plot of an episode by gossiping that Devon’s dad had a heart attack last night. Jack is taken aback by this because, despite the show telling us repeatedly that they’re close friends, neither of them has actually spoken to the other about their daddy issues this episode. Jack asks how Mel is and Billy points out that there’s no such thing as a “good” heart attack. Jack has apparently forgotten what time it is and says that he’ll call her during the break.

JJ is playing cards. I don’t care, show. JJ folds his hands and puts the radio on without asking permission, which is rude. He asks to listen to the show as Jack is his son. We skip forward and JJ is pissing people off by repeatedly folding. We’re supposed to worry that he’s in over his head. The music kicks in as he pours himself a whiskey and downs it in one. Nobody cares.

We’re supposed to care that JJ might drink. I’m only offended by his outfit.

At the hospital we see a heart monitor go into flatline and about twenty doctors run into the room.

JJ is pretending to be drunk and suddenly raises $2K. The other player is an idiot who doesn’t know when he’s being hustled and raises $11K, but JJ only has $10,400. There’s some back and forth as they insult each other. Meh.

On Midnight Caller, Jack signs off.

Daytime, and Jack is walking in a park. He approaches Devon who is sat on some play equipment. She’s been crying but she gives him a slight smile.

There are suspiciously few children in this playground.

Jack apologises for not knowing what to say. Devon says it’s enough that he’s there. Devon says that at the hospital she finally felt close to her dad and she left the hospital feeling good about their relationship. Jack tries to reassure her. Devon says that when he first had the heart attack she almost felt that it might’ve been a good thing that it happened. Jack says he understands that. People try to rationalise terrible things. She says that now she feels empty and angry. She finally felt that for the first time she could finally just be his daughter. She was really looking forward to that relationship, he was too, and now they won’t have it. Jack is quiet but when she gets up, he offers to walk with her. Devon declines, she’d rather be by herself.  

In Carmen’s, Jack is finishing a meal and enjoying a cigarette when Jo and JJ arrive. They sit down and JJ says that Jack seems gloomy. It’s not nearly as baffling or evocative as telling him that he seems “froggy.” Jack tells them about Mel. Jack asks if they’re off to Oregon. They admit that they’re not. Jack seems surprised that there isn’t a boat and looks… less than thrilled to be told the $5K was for a poker game. He’s also less than impressed when JJ orders a beer. JJ seems genuinely surprised that Jack is annoyed and says that it’s what he does. He also admits that he’s not an alcoholic either – it’s something that he uses because it makes “decent people feel for you and evil people want to take advantage of you.” I’m not even getting into splitting the world into “decent” and “evil” people. JJ admits that most of what he told Jack was true, being the navy, getting wanderlust, was true but fishing boats are smelly. JJ claims to feel guilty about conning Jack, which is clearly not true.

Whether the writers intended him to be a textbook psychopath or not he clearly is, using and manipulating everyone around him as if that’s his natural right and constantly surprised when other people display their own minds and desires. Jack asks if he feels guilty about losing the $5K and JJ opens a briefcase full of money. He gives Jack back his $5K and another $1K as a “small interest payment.” Jack asks if that’s supposed to make him feel better. JJ says he has a “small soft spot” for Jack and that with anyone else he’d have just taken off. Because JJ is a psychopath and thinks that the son he abandoned should be grateful that he didn’t just take off after scamming him. JJ says that he hopes they’ll stay in touch and that it’s up to Jack. Jack seems baffled at this suggestion, as well he should. JJ and Jack exchange some baseball trivia that means nothing to me. Jo tells Jack that JJ is honestly proud of him. Jack tells her to take care of JJ. Yeah, she won’t, and that makes me a little bit happier.

Jack is on Midnight Caller. He says that he found his father that week and that neither of them had any expectations, which probably made the reunion easier. JJ had expectations, Jack. He expected to use you to get him into a high stakes poker game. Then Jack talks about Devon’s trials with her father. He makes a token effort to disguise her identity, referring to her just as “a friend,” but if I was Devon I wouldn’t be happy. As he talks we see a grieving Devon lay in bed and listening tearfully. Jack says that life’s ironies can be bitter, but he’s reminded that bitterness is ultimately a waste of time and can debilitate us. Jack smiles and says that tonight, even though it’s against the rules, they’re going to change the format. He says ‘this one’s for you boss’ which I guess means that whole “a friend” thing went out the window.

As the music plays, Jack walks through the night. Apparently San Francisco at night is completely deserted. As he gets to his house, he finds Devon, tousled and exhausted, rocking on his steps. They share a tiny smile and silently hug. Aww.

The camera pans out on the world’s longest hug, which must’ve been very uncomfortable for the actors. It’s 3 seconds for a hug, people, I saw that episode of QI. I checked and this one is almost 30 seconds. That’s ridiculously long. No wonder Gary Cole gets visibly twitchy.

Fade to credits

1)    This is the second time that Gary Cole and Peter Boyle have worked together. Although they’re both well known as comedic actors, they appeared in Echoes in the Darkness, where they appeared as two police officers investigating the brutal murder of a woman and the disappearance, and presumed murder, of her two children.

2)    This is the first mention of Jack’s brother and sister, Frankie and Katie, who will both appear in later episodes. Katie’s appearance is particularly memorable and avoids the clichés in Frankie’s.

3)    Jack is chronically late, as Billy points out, but not unprepared. We see in multiple episodes that he puts quite a bit of thought into what he wants to discuss.

Chapter Text

I’ve watched all these episodes several times but I think it speaks to how vague and generic “The Fall” is as a title that going into this I have no idea what episode it is.

Gosh. Drama.

Jack, cigarette dangling from his lower lip, is advising someone what he does when he can’t sleep: listen to a 12 minute Neil Young song. He goes to take another call and is very excited to take a call from “the great” Skate Filmore. Skate says that he wants to talk but it’s personal. But he doesn’t want to talk on air. He also can’t call again after the show is over. For why? Because he’s been arrested and “they only give you one phone call.” And you used it to call a local radio host?

Credits!

Skate, who is sulking, self-pitying type, is signed out of jail by Jack. Carl, who is with Jack, exposits that Skate stole a car radio. Stealing car radios is such an 80s crime. Skate, who is almost a head taller than Jack, starts to apologise but Jack says no apologies, no thanks, and no explanations. He never heard one he believed at that time of night. Skate doesn’t want his “momma” to know he’s been arrested. Jack says he should’ve thought of that before he smashed the car window. He definitely should’ve thought of it before he called a live radio show. Jack is quite short with Skate, and you get the impression that this isn’t the first time that he’s had to bail Skate out of jail.

New drinking game: drink every time Gary Cole puts his hand on anothe actor.

Devon is holding forth about The Danger of Drugs and how it isn’t just “out there” but inevitably “here at KJCM.” Are you sure, Devon? You seem to have about 10 employees at most. She says they’ll be running PSAs and a drug awareness program at the station for any employee who feels they have a drug or alcohol related problem. She looks RIGHT at Jack when she says that. HA.

Are you the one doing drugs, Billy? It would explain the haircut.

Devon promises anyone coming forward will have their job security although anyone caught selling drugs will lose both their job and their anonymity. Burn the witch! I mean the drug dealer! Jack asks what about people caught buying drugs, and some smart alec smirkingly asks if that’s just a general info question or if Jack has something to admit.

Devon and Jack are unamused.

Devon answers that all drug users are victims. Jack asks if that applies to the man who spoke celebrating a big sale with a gram of “blow.” He kind of has a point there. Devon doesn’t agree and says that Jack clearly has a problem with the whole program and suggests they discuss it after the meeting. Jack says she’s the boss and she replies, “You remembered.” Ouch.

Devon’s car drives through a rundown street with trash literally covering the road. Devon asks why they’re there and Jack says when he was first on the force he used to patrol down there. He says that being born in those streets is like being in jail. Most of the kids there realise at some point they’re going to be trapped in low-paying dead-end jobs, at best, and they look around and see “the guys with the fancy cars, and the gold chains, and the good-looking ladies” and realise that the life of a drug dealer is both better than their own and potentially obtainable. Girls have ambitions too, Jack. So if you thought Jack’s objection was that Devon was being too easy on drug users then you were wrong: he actually wants her to be less strident in her assumptions about drug dealers.

They bicker about whether or not Devon understands the situation and Jack says that he thinks they should consider helping the kids here before worrying about rescuing “some strung-out radio jock from a situation they should’ve been smart enough not to make in the first place.” Why does it have to be one or the other? Devon agrees with me.

Jack directs Devon over to a house. He knocks on a cross stuck onto a door and Thelma, a lady in late middle-age, is thrilled to see him. She says to Devon that she bets Jack keeps her on her toes. “Like a ballerina,” Devon agrees.

Inside, the camera pans past dozens of basketball trophies. They have some chit-chat and Jack asks if Skate’s around. Thelma’s face immediately drops and she asks if he’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be meeting Jack there but it turns out he didn’t come home the night before. Turns out that drug users can be unreliable, who knew?

Back in the car, Jack says that Skate used to be a hell of a basketball player. He suddenly asks Devon to pull the car over and asks Devon if she knows her way back. She asks if the tour’s over and he points out that he’s just seen Skate by the communal basketball hoops. Wasn’t the point to introduce Devon to Skate? Make your mind up, Jack. He thanks Devon for coming and she thanks him for bringing her there. Yeah it looked like a blast.  

Jack watches the game for a few seconds before wandering over. He approaches Skate who is clearly strung out. Jack asks Skate not to try to con him, they’ve known each other too long, and then asks about work. Turns out Skate lost his job three weeks ago. Jack tells Skate to go home, get cleaned up, and get some sleep. If he comes by KJCM then Jack will find him some work. Skate tries to bond a little by telling Jack that he listens to his show all the time but Jack firmly tells him not to. Jack’s show is for night people and Skate isn’t a night person anymore. Skate skulks off with his head bowed. That was a really strange diss.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is talking about a call he took as a patrolman about 11 years ago. Hooray, finally something happened more than 10 years ago. He investigated a break-in at a school and discovered a 12-year-old playing basketball in the gym because he’d never played on a hardwood floor before. Jack seems to find that charming but a 12-year-old knows damn well that breaking into a school is a crime. If he’s willing to do that to try out the gym what else is he going to do? Anyway, Jack says that the break-in was “their secret” and he got the kid into a youth program and when he went to high school he turned out to be a pretty good basketball player. He got scholarship offers from colleges. Jack felt that he had some small part in it, which is one of the most positive things a cop can feel, given that their jobs are full of “negative work.” As Skate, for it was he, went off to college and Jack watched him playing basketball on TV, they kept in touch by phone.

In a car, Skate is being shaken down by some dude he owes a lot of money to. The dude quotes Shakespeare “neither a borrower nor a lender be” and don’t even start me on that. He refers to Skate as “Nathan” and I don’t know what it says about modern naming conventions that I didn’t immediately realise Skate was a nickname. Anyway, Skate mutters he’ll pay the guy back when he gets a job and the dude is just thrilled to offer “the great Nathan Filmore” a job doing “errands.” There’s no need to take the piss out of him. Skate is a little wary but the other man just tells him to consider it and to consider “this” a gift. We don’t see what “this” is but probably drugs.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is still relating Skate’s biography. Snore. Honestly Jack, at least half your listeners seem to be women, many of whom want to flirt with you wildly. How about catering to them a little more? Skate failed his big-league try-out and although he went to college for 5 years “nobody bothered to educate him” and he left without his degree. Jeez, maybe he should’ve taken some responsibility for his own education. Like everyone else does. Now Skate is right back where he started but with “glazed eyes,” no job and no future. Cheery!

At Jack’s home, he pulls on his shirt as he goes to answer the door. (He was moving too fast to get a good screenshot.) Almost every time someone visits Jack he’s in a state of undress. I’m not complaining (obviously) I’m just starting to wonder if he’s a very low-key nudist. Jack calls out “hang on Skate, I’m coming.” Since Jack is apparently incapable of learning from past events, he seems surprised that it’s not Skate but Thelma at his door. Not to mention maybe Skate didn’t appreciate you regaling your listeners with a precis of his ruined life.

Jack and Thelma are sat on Jack’s sofa drinking coffee. Thelma is fretting that if Skate doesn’t come home she worries that he’s lying dead somewhere. Jack idiotically promises that won’t happen because they won’t let it. Jeez, woman, he’s twenty-three and he’s not bad looking. Maybe he didn’t come home because he got laid.

Montage! Jack hitting basketball courts, flophouses, and random street corners. A security guard stops him outside a college and inside we see college students playing basketball. Jack wanders over to the edge of the court and the referee, Atchley, comes over and addresses Jack as “the one, the only, Nighthawk.” He makes a hilarious little flapping gesture with his hands when he says this. They discuss Skate and Atchley says that Skate never understood that “the game” was a means to an end, not an end in itself. When he failed to make it into the big leagues his life fell apart.

Jack and Atchley walk past a car with a smashed-up windscreen which as we know is TV shorthand for “two steps better than a warzone.” Jack asks if he’s imagining things or is the area worse than he remembered it. It’s worse, mainly due to drugs.

They try to enter a house but a shady dude stops them. He doesn’t want to let them in but he does remember that Atchley was his gym teacher the year before. Really? Shady Dude looks at least thirty. Another guy materialises out of nowhere and gets up in Jack’s face. Jack claims he’s not looking for trouble and he’s not “the man,” he’s just looking for a friend. There’s something slightly disingenuous about the fact that nobody has even vaguely alluded to the fact that Jack, a white man, is hanging around what is apparently an entirely black neighbourhood.

Jack searches the house, which is full of loud music, half-naked people, and dudes sat around looking dazed. They find Skate sat on the floor in a corner and haul him out. Skate protests but none of his “colleagues” come to his assistance.

This situation cannot possibly go wrong.

They pause for a moment by a fence and Skate pulls himself together enough to call Atchley the N word. Damn. Can’t actually show drugs, or even specify which one Skate’s on, but you can say that. Those are some messed up broadcasting rules. Jack tells him to relax and Skate starts ranting that they’re not so smart and they don’t know what’s best for him. I’m honestly baffled what Jack thought he was going to achieve here. You can’t nag someone into not being a drug addict. Jack’s a former police officer, he shouldn’t be this naïve.

Skate rants that his life is over and he doesn’t know how to go on. He shoves Jack and they get into a pushing match while Skate yells that he doesn’t have to do what Jack says. He’s thisclose to yelling that Jack isn’t his real dad. Skate takes a swing at Jack but Jack easily blocks and gets him in a headlock. Then Skate screams that he hates Jack and runs off. Atchley has to stop Jack from chasing after him, although given the length of Skate’s legs I don’t think Jack would’ve caught up with him. Jack punches the fence in frustration. So, that whole plan went well.

At KJCM, Jack wanders into Devon’s office, apparently bypassing the secretary since he’s surprised to find that she has a guest, Doctor LaDonna Church from a drug clinic. Dr Church says she’s a fan of Jack’s although it’s often hard for her to stay up that late, “for me too,” Jack says, because he apparently decided it was a good time to be charming to a completely random person. Church leaves and Devon asks what Jack wanted. Jack decides to run after Church instead, literally runs after her, leaving Devon more than a little confused.

Jack catches up with Church by the elevator. He asks if she could give him some professional advice and she agrees. Urgh, the plague of people randomly asking you for professional advice when you’re just living your life. After a few questions, Church says they need to set up an intervention and, because this show is nearly 30 years old, (damn, I’m old), Jack asks what an intervention is.

“It’s sort of a surprise party for an addict.”  

Don’t ever ask Church to organise any social events, Jack. She has a terrible idea of what’s fun.

On a dark street, Skate approaches the dude from earlier and asks what sort of job he’s offering. Oh, nothing particularly dangerous or strenuous. I’m almost glad I know it’s running drugs, because it sounds so much worse. The dude says that working off his “indebtedness” is a sign of maturity and to be on time for their midnight meeting, at a bus stop, because tardiness isn’t something he’ll accept from an employee. What is with the show setting up Skate as a little boy who needs to choose between Nice!daddy Jack and Evil!daddy druglord?

At KJCM, Jack and Devon are walking down a corridor while Devon points out that he’s running the risk of alienating Skate completely. Jack gets VERY LOUD about not knowing what else to do and snarks that he can’t just hope that Nancy Regan bumps into Skate on the street, grabs him, and says “just say no!”

Devon takes this unwarranted aggression much better than I would, frankly. She asks why this is Jack’s problem, oh and says that Skate is strung out on crack, so I guess we at least know that now. Jack says that he failed, the school failed, everyone failed Skate. Um, HOW? He had a shot at a career and he didn’t make it. Then he fell into depression and drugs. Nobody owed it to him to make him a famous basketball player. What about all the other people who didn’t have the same opportunities that he did?

Devon asks if Skate doesn’t hold some responsibility and Jack agrees, they have to make Skate see that. Somehow they’re going to use the show to do that. “My mouth where your money is.” That just sounds so wrong. Devon asks what happens if Skate doesn’t want help? “Eventually somebody gets called down to the morgue to identify the body.” Or he could just get arrested. Apparently Jack was never very good at that part.

Skate gets into a car.

As Jack and Billy get ready for the show, Billy asks if Jack wants to do anything “special” about breaks. Jack says he’ll take them when they feel right. Damn, your advertisers are going to LOVE that. Jack goes on-air and says he hopes that people will listen but it’s going to be a special “personal” show that’s playing to an audience of one. It’s a good job there wasn’t much of an internet back then because in the world of the show the Midnight Caller fans online would be constantly in a state of uproar over changes of format, scandals, and everything else.

Anyway, Jack says they’re doing an intervention which aren’t normally done over the air. Yes, because that’s insane since you have no idea if he’s even listening and you certainly can’t respond to his reactions.

In fact Skate isn’t listening, he’s off delivering drugs for evil!daddy druglord.

Jack is still talking about interventions as Devon greets Skate’s friends and family. She brings them to the window outside the booth just as Jack directly addresses Skate by his full name. That’s right, he just broadcast that Skate is a drug addict. That’s gonna be a hell of a lawsuit.

“I have made a terrible mistake.”

Skate is tootling along in a car on his way to the drug deal listening to “Blame it on Midnight” on the radio. You couldn’t have used that song in the episode named for it?

Thelma is calling Skate her baby boy and telling him that she loves him. Jack’s ratings must be sinking through the floor. But it’s not entirely for nothing as halfway through Skate finally flips over the radio to KJCM. He’s just THRILLED to hear her talking about how it’s not his fault and how his dad drank himself to death before Skate was born. We get a montage of photographs of Skate’s dad as Thelma sobs and Jack squeezes her shoulder. (Drink!) Skate angrily says aloud that she shouldn’t be saying these things on the radio. Seriously. Then Jack asks Skate to call in and that he knows the number which is “555-TALK” or “555-8255.” I’m pretty sure that’s the first time we’ve ever had that number, and I think it might be the only time.

Jack decides to take some calls, which seems like a potentially disastrous move but I guess you could say that every time he takes a call. Terri asks to talk to Thelma, and tells her that she’s doing the right thing: her son Robbie went through the same thing. Jack asks how old he is. Terri says that he’s been dead six years and Thelma almost passes out. Terri says that she and her husband did all the wrong things: pleading, giving him money, and that now they’re “getting help for that.” She prays that Skate’s listening.

We see Skate using the car phone.

Jack takes a call from someone claiming to be Skate and Billy once again fails to earn his keep by putting through an asshole who thinks he’s hilarious. Bad Billy!

Jack angrily says that the guy doesn’t represent San Francisco because “I know you’re not that cruel or pathologically evil.” Come  on Jack, you get trolls regularly. You’re just going to encourage them.  

Skate gets a phone call from evil!daddy druglord who is pissed because he hasn’t made the drop. He tells Skate to do it ASAP or he will earn his “enmity.” Skate hangs up on him, HA. Then just as druglord is saying “nobody hangs up on me except –” his car phone rings. He thinks it’s Skate and begins ranting, but it’s actually someone calling him to tell him about Jack’s intervention on “98.3” boy, employee meetings, phone numbers, and the frequency – we’re getting all the details on KJCM this episode.

Billy puts through another call, and it’s the druglord. Which is ludicrous and clearly only exists so that he and Jack have a battle of the surrogate daddies. Everyone in the studio is clearly freaked out when he says they don’t need to worry about the drugs killing Skate because “I intend to conclude that transaction.”

Making a death threat, that you intend to carry out, on the radio. Great plan.

During a break, Jack is telling everyone not to worry, it’s just some drunk guy trying to impress his buddies at the bar. On the one hand, it was an unbelievably stupid thing to do so I can understand why Jack might argue this, but on the other hand, druglord clearly wasn’t drunk, didn’t sound like he was in a bar, and gave every impression of being deadly serious. So, I really hope that Devon called up the police and tipped them off.

As Jack puts Atchley on, he says they’re going to put “the creeps and the crazies” behind them. Atchley says he’s been thinking about the old days when they’d break into the school gym to play. Well, Atch probably just talked himself out of a job. Plus where was he when Jack was failing to arrest young Skate? As he continues talking we see a little flashback of the boys playing basketball. Skate really needs to drive somewhere safe before druglord finds him. Atch is a bit passive aggressive about how Skate always needed to be Michael Jordan or Magic Johnson while he was always happy to be Dwayne Atchley.

Carl arrives in the booth. Hi Carl! And Billy draws Jack’s attention. Jack’s having a really easy night of it, everyone else is doing all the talking.

As Atch pleads with Skate to come home – even though they wouldn’t know if he did since there’s nobody there – Jack says they’re going to take another try at putting through someone claiming to be Skate. Jack asks for humanity not to let him down. Pretentious much? Also, it should be Billy you’re aiming that at, Jack. He’s the one who regularly puts through trolls.

The good news is, it is Skate. The bad news is, he’s pretty pissed about having his private life splashed all over the radio. Thelma wails that they care about him and Skate snarls that she’s acting like he let her down. Jack tries to intervene but Skate is having precisely none of that. He tells Jack that Jack let him down but it’s okay because he’s “wised up” and he’s not giving anyone the chance to do that to him again. I’m really baffled what this particular line is supposed to refer to. It’s sadly easy to believe that Jack just lost interest at some point, the mortifying Big Brother episode is proof of that, but without further info, and in the current climate, it comes over as if Jack abused him or something.

Carl angrily demands Jack explain what the hell he thinks he’s doing. A dollar in the “someone tells Jack he’s being an idiot” jar. Jack, equally irate, says he’s sure that Carl’s going to tell him. Carl says he’s turning into Geraldo Rivera, which confused me, and Jack asks Carl if he’s going to smack him “in the nose with a chair?” Devon smirks a little at that. Devon, have you been watching crappy daytime TV? Own up.

Carl is mostly annoyed about Jack “entertaining” the death threat and asks what he’s doing about “the narcotics thing.” Whatever either of those accusations mean. Jack calms down and says that he doesn’t want to fight with Carl, which I thought was what they were already doing. Kiss and make up, boys. He says that Devon was right to call Carl when the death threat came in and Carl’s right to be concerned.

Devon asks what the problem is, and Jack says that the problem is that they have different agendas. He says the only agenda he cares about is getting through to Skate, IE his agenda.

“Crusader Killian, strikes again,” Carl says tiredly.

He’s not wrong, even if Billy does call that “garbage.” Poor Billy and his two lines an episode.

Jack says he’ll take the rap as “Saint Jack” or whatever, but if this turns into “cops and robbers” then they’ve lost. He says that he’s going back on-air and Carl is welcome to watch as they need all the support that they’ve got. Carl sighs heavily and turns away.

As the female announcer informs listeners that they’re listening to Jack Killian, the Night Hawk, we see that all the lines are lit up. Jack ignores those in favour of directly addressing Skate: he thinks he understands how Skate feels, that the world screwed him, it conned him, and “a man” laid it out for him that if he followed the rules and played ball, then one day he could reach out for the brass ring.

As he talks we see Skate dialling a number on a car phone. While driving! That’s it. Episode’s over, Skate is clearly a criminal monster.

Jack is now pacing around the studio talking about how Skate reached for the brass ring and it wasn’t there. As he turns to the booth he notices Billy gesticulating wildly, which somehow translates as Skate being on the line. Jack picks up the call as Thelma watches. Skate is sneering as he asks Jack if Jack is his friend. Jack says that he is, and he’s sorry if Skate feels that he let him down, but that seems a little convenient for Skate. Skate seems genuinely confused what he means by that and Jack lets him have it: Skate feels that the world owes him something because he can play basketball, well it doesn’t. His friends owe him, sure, but most of all he owes himself. Skate pathetically asks what he’s supposed to do, and Jack says that he’s a man now and should start taking responsibility for his life. This is a terrible conversation to have over the radio. You need to be face-to-face if you’re going to do the hard truth thing.

Jack says that it’s the coward’s way out to blame your problems on everybody else. Pot. Kettle. Also, what’s with making it seem that Skate’s about to kill himself? Not cool.

Skate, who is driving one-handed and getting very irate, retorts that he’s not a coward. Jack softens a tiny fraction and says that he would angry to if “the man” used him. Hearing a white, ex-cop banging on about “the man” is just bizarre.

As Jack continues, we see druglord in his car. He’s also listening to Jack because, as we know, Midnight Caller is the show of choice for criminals. Oh, maybe that’s what Jack mean when he said Skate wasn’t a “night person.” As Jack rants on, the druglord shakes his head and says, “Mr Killian, so bitter!” Which honestly made me laugh.

Jack is still ranting. He says there are two ways to respond: you can “suck it up and show the bastards, or let them beat you to a pulp.”

First the N word and now “bastard.” The mouth on this episode.

Jack finally realises that Skate hasn’t said anything for several minutes and asks if he’s still listening. Skate sadly doesn’t decide to screw with Jack by saying nothing, but instead answers that he’s listening. Jack says good, and continues lecturing. Jack, I love you, but damn.

Jack says that people “out there” might not care but his mom and Atch etc love him. They love him but they’re not going to be an accessory to him killing himself. But, evidently, they’re fine with possibly pushing him to kill himself by humiliating him on the radio. Gotcha.

Jack says that if Skate wants help, then they’re they to help, but if he’s bent on dying then he’ll have to do that alone. Why do I imagine that somewhere Doctor Church is banging her head on a desk? Oh yeah, because this is a terrible idea. Aren’t you explicitly supposed to avoid accusations during an intervention? This is nothing but accusations.

Jack asks Skate what he thinks, and Skate says that he needs some time to think.

He parks up somewhere and plays basketball while reminiscing about his glory days. Urgh.

Skate gets back into the car and calls up druglord whom he addresses as “Bernard” and says he has no more use for him. Oh, that will surely go down well. Bernard is now stern!daddy and says “as I presumed” twice. Beware any man in Midnight Caller using words longer than one syllable. They’re always trouble. Skate says that “the stuff” is where Bernard left it, and rings off. Then he says to himself that he hopes Bernard enjoys the company.

In the studio (I initially mistyped that as “stupid” which is quite a Freudian slip), Carl is on the phone while Jack is talking to a caller. The caller, Mike, used to watch Skate play basketball at the university and appreciates “what y’all are trying to do for him.” Don’t encourage them, Mike.

Skate has parked up the car and is running along the pavement pretending to shoot hoops. Honestly, show, you’ve belaboured this point so much that Skate is starting to look like he’s got some major obsessive compulsive issue with basketball.

Bernard and his pet goon park and get out of their car. Bernard opens the trunk and takes out a case which, in lieu of any other evidence, I’m forced to assume contains the soul of Marcellus Wallace. As he does so, a patrol car with a siren that somehow nobody noticed until now, pulls up. Then a whole bunch of other patrol cars pull up and then Carl in an unmarked car. Busted! Also, this seems like overkill for one drug dealer and one henchman. As Bernard is thrown to the floor and cuffed, Carl tells him that he got stupid in his old age. He doesn’t look that old, but I appreciate someone acknowledging that Bernard going to pick up the case himself is incredibly stupid.

Back at KJCM, Jack is telling Thelma, Atch, and Dr Church that the show has about an hour left so he wants to go around again, starting with Thelma. Ugh. If anyone is still listening to the show then presumably it’s only in the hope of hearing Bernard murder Sketch live on air. Fortunately for the listeners, and Devon’s ratings, Sketch comes bursting into the studio saying, “okay momma!” Clearly it’s a complete surprise to everyone present and once again I have to say get some damn security, Devon.

Devon is looking pleased and a little teary as Skate embraces Thelma. Jack looks a little warier, as well he should. Just because Skate has decided to go straight tonight doesn’t mean he won’t go right back on the drugs tomorrow. Just not with Bernard. Jack tells Billy to cue up some music as they’re “going to be a while.” Devon somehow does not intercede despite this being terrible form. This is why you shouldn’t let Jack use the show as his own personal therapy session, Devon. No wonder it goes to hell in other episodes. Um. Spoilers?

Jack and Skate are walking through some sort of rehab centre. Skate says that things are going well, although the food is terrible. Jack says that Skate is looking better. Skate replies that he’s feeling better and he thinks that this time he thinks he’s going to make it. So, how many other times has he been in rehab before? Jack says that nobody doubts that, least of all him. Um, I have some doubts. Skate then says that he’s going to get clean and “show them all.” But not in a spree killer way, fortunately, he’s just delusional and planning to get out and become a pro-basketball player even though he couldn’t make it when he was younger, in shape, and less drug-addled. Jack responds to this with his typical delicacy and tact – ie telling him that he has to give this dream up as it’s never going to happen for him. I guess it’s best to tell him this while he’s in the rehab so they can deal with the aftermath rather than when he’s outside and can easily relapse. It still seems harsh though. Jack tells him to concentrate on staying clean as his goal rather than playing basketball. It’s probably the most realistic scene in the episode but wow the music really undercuts the actors attempts to overcome fairly hokey dialogue. It’s not an inspirational TV movie, quit scoring it as if it is. Bleugh.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is randomly leaning against a wall and saying that making addiction into a “war” has made it too intimidating, too overwhelming for regular people. He says it’s too impersonal but that the other night with “Skate Filmore regaining his soul from the lost and found, that was personal.” I don’t even know what to do with that “lost and found” line. I want to cringe but Gary Cole really, truly commits to it. He says that if anyone listening felt kinship with Skate, with his struggles with addiction, then they should know there will always be help. There’ll always be a “hand to hold.” But not Jack’s hand, because we never see Skate again. Jack signs off, screws up a piece of paper into a ball, and throws it into the wastepaper bin like a basketball.

Chapter Text

TL:DR A deeply unlikeable guest character and a very dubious take on PTSD and mental illness takes some of the shine off an otherwise evocative and imaginative twist on the normal Midnight Caller formula.

 40s music plays as the camera stalks around a room filled with 40s memorabilia. Someone, shot from about waist height, potters around the room and then turns the radio dial from the station playing the music over to Jack. Jack’s in a playful mood, interrupting himself and lapsing into impressions, as he notes that anniversaries divisible by 5 or 10 years are big news.

Impressions and strange expressions

He says it’s the 20^th anniversary of Woodstock coming up and apologises that he’s about to do the same thing re: anniversaries. As a side note, we can see the first hint of grey in Gary Cole’s hair. Anyway, Jack says it’s the 40^th anniversary of an unsolved homicide. He says that 40 years ago random violence was shocking, not like today. (Historians and readers of crime statistics would argue with that, but okay.)

As an older man in another room stops reading his paper to properly pay attention, Jack tells the story of the Red Rose Murders. Rose was shot down in the street, while clutching a single long stemmed rose, along with a cop who tried to go to her aid.

As Jack continues, we see a brassy journalist listening. She’s telling her assistant that the Red Rose Murders could be huge for them, get them to the top of the bestseller lists, if they get their first. It’s already 40 years old, I don’t think there’s much of a race.

In the studio, Jack takes a call from a man who querulously says that he understands that it was wrong to hurt Rose and “that other man” but he couldn’t help it. Jack sips his coffee and asks if this is “True Confessions.” Um, yes? The caller carries on, with details of the crime, and seems honestly upset to be discussing it. As Billy looks concerned, Jack realises this isn’t a hoax, and the caller hangs up.

Credits!

Devon is in her office talking to her accountant, Ryan. She sort of apologises for making him work so late, but not really, and he says it’s pro bono as he’d be embarrassed to put the hours on his time sheet. Devon gets to the point: what she wants to do with all the holdings that Mel left her. She wants to sell most of the business, but first offer them to the employees, because Devon is awesome.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is comparing the amount of crimes reported each year to the amount of police offers in the city. Urgh, I don’t do maths but even I can tell those figures are not good.

Billy, who has been stuffing his face, takes a moment to tell an unseen person that he can’t talk to Jack until after the show. Again, people, get some security. Random people off the street shouldn’t be able to walk into Billy’s booth! The unseen man says he’s waited 40 years so 15 minutes more won’t matter.

Ryan and Devon are talking when a clichéd 40s style detective wanders in. So much for being happy to wait 15 minutes. He’s rude and aggressive and assumes that Devon works for Jack, because he’s a sexist asshole. Ryan snottily points out that Devon owns the entire company. I like you Ryan. Devon politely throws 40s detective, whose name is Chase, out of the office and tells him to wait.

Either nobody has told Jack about his visitor, or he just doesn’t care. He’s already reached the elevator when Chase catches up with him. Jack is very sarcastic, claiming to be Oprah Winfrey, saying that the Red Rose caller was a crank, and asking Chase if he’s “Jean Dixon.” I have literally no idea what that means. Chase introduces himself as he gets in the elevator with Jack and offers him a cigarette.

Weirdly pouty face in 3…2…1

At Carmen’s, Jerado congratulates Jack on a good show and says that Carmen is in Key Largo with the Olsiaro brothers. Jack and Chase order the same drink at the same time. Jack tries to make nice by telling Chase that he’s a legend at the SFPD. Considering that half the SFPD seem to be corrupt and the other half seem to be incompetent that’s not much of a compliment. Chase, who has even less social skills than Jack, grumpily cuts across this: he wants to talk about Jack’s caller. It’s the first lead he’s had in the case in 40 years.

In the 40s room, we see someone looking at a photo album.

At Carmen’s, Jack asks Chase how he’s so sure it was the killer calling. Chase says that the caller said the cop was shot with his own gun: the only people alive who would know that himself and the killer. If that’s true then it’s some amazingly terrible police work. Don’t you people keep files? Jack just stares at Chase as Chase says that the cop who was shot was his partner, Joey Driscoll. Somehow this is news to Jack despite him being familiar with both the case and with Chase. Chase says that the department covered up Driscoll being shot with his own gun so that he could be remembered as a hero. Because apparently being killed in the line of duty defending an innocent means nothing if you’re a clutz who lost possession of his gun.

Ode to a toothpick

Jack asks what Chase wants from him, to find the killer? Chase says he’s not looking for charity and tries to manipulate Jack by bringing up Rusty’s death. Chase is a classy guy.

At Carmen’s, Chase talking to someone called “Ernie” about a spot on his lung which is now the size of a baseball. He’s got 5 months and counting. Jack wanders over, presumably from a trip to the bathroom, and cheerfully greets Ernie, who is looking at Chase like he just peed on the floor. Ernie takes the opportunity to leave and Chase tightens the screws on having Jack help. He says he made “a promise to a dead man” forty years ago. Points for dropping the title but promises are a two-way street, Chase. Driscoll didn’t ask you to find his killer, so basically you’re just dressing up your own obsession as a debt of honour.

Anyway, Jack asks about the suspects in the case and is startled to learn that Rose’s fiancé at the time was Mel King ie Devon’s dad. Doh.

Jack goes to visit Devon who instantly realises that something is up. Jack asks what she knows about Mel’s history before she was born. He’s very vague, giving poor Devon the impression that her dad might have somehow been involved in the murderers, when what Chase actually said was that he was a “good kid” who had a solid alibi.

Someone hammers on Chase’s door: it’s the journalist from earlier, Becca Nicholson, the one who somehow thinks that cracking a 40-year-old murder will make her rich and famous. Lady, people claim to solve the Ripper murders every few years, and all that does is sell a few books. Chase says she wants next door – he’s the one who calls prostitutes. It’s hard to know who to root for here, these characters are all terrible. Anyway, Chase opens the door when she identifies herself and tells her that he didn’t like what she did with the “baby Laura” case and he likes her even less now. For some reason this actually chastens Becca and when he tells her to go away she leaves quite meekly.

Devon is meeting with her mom. That’s her actual mom, not her stepmom. Devon asks about Rose: her mom found out about her before the wedding. Her father insisted on his being given a background check before he was allowed to marry into the Townsend family. Devon’s mom says that Mel was a very private man who had a lot of secrets. There’s a very strong tension in this scene that has nothing to do with the specifics of what’s being asked and everything to do with the tense and uncomfortable relationship Devon has with both her parents. She asks why her mom married him if he was so secretive – because she loved him but mostly because she wanted to embarrass her parents by marrying a rich working class boy. He certainly didn’t come over as working class earlier but maybe “The Townsends” had a different perspective. Devon gets back to the matter at hand and asks if he still loved Rose. Maybe. She then tries to excuse herself for leaving Mel by saying there was nothing in the relationship for her. Devon says there was nothing but two small children. Oof. So Devon’s mom walked out on her marriage and kids and Jack’s dad did the same. Sensing a theme here.

Chase and Jack are walking along the street talking about Becca Nicholson’s visit. Chase is worried the case will end up in a book an then a movie with “some Hollywood halfwit smoking a cigar and pretending to be me.” Nobody wants that, Chase, but if we could get Columbo in instead that would be great. Jack points out that Chase doesn’t want “the whole world” knowing that he didn’t solve the case. Well plenty of people already knew that, Jack, and then you went and did a show about it. Chase moans that he doesn’t want Becca beating him to the punch after 40 years. So much for wanting to get to the truth. Jack points out that Becca is “just a writer,” but since the actual detective hasn’t got anywhere in 40 years why not throw it open?

Don’t look at Jack’s crotch, don’t look at Jack’s crotch…

Chase decides to randomly exposit about the “baby Laura” case. It was a couple of years before Jack joined the SFPD which Chase takes to mean that he won’t know anything about it. Basically, Nicholson interviewed the parents of kidnapped baby Laura, for her paper. Afterwards she received letters supposedly from the kidnapper which she published before giving to the cops. Maybe you should be pissed at her editor and publisher, Chase? I’m sure it’s not up to a reporter when to print. Jack displays a charming naiveite by saying the problem was that she got rich and famous “off someone else’s trouble.” That’s more than a little hypocritical, show which is riffing on the Lindbergh kidnapping and using actor who made his big splash appearing as real life family murderer.

Jack and Chase walk past the old factory where Laura working in the front office “because she was a looker” says Chase the unremitting sexist, and over to the nearby alleyway where she and Driscoll were found dead. We see a flashback with Chase’s voiceover as he explains that Rose, Mel King, and a buddy of his had been out celebrating the engagement. Mel and his friend had to do a late shift at the cannery so Rose walked home alone. Damn, you suck 1940s Mel and friend. Chase says that he and Driscoll had just finished a late shift and had picked up some coffees. They heard a scream so Driscoll went to investigate while Chase radioed in for backup. Chase then followed Driscoll into the alleyway and heard him identifying himself as police. Then shots.

In the alleyway, Becca and her photographer are taking snaps of the alley floor. Becca stupidly wishes that there were bloodstains. After 40 years? Plus Chase said that there were a dozen newspapers at the time all over the case, I’m sure they had lots of disgusting photographs. Becca plays nice, Chase doesn’t. Then she identifies herself to Jack whom she recognises but can’t quite place. He’s semi-polite and looks less than happy when she mentions that she can’t wait to talk to his boss, presumably Devon.

On Midnight Caller, Jack sarcastically thanks a caller for a reminder on the importance of “harmonic convergence” and riffs for a few seconds on New Age stuff in the sort of voice you associate with “Free love” and “crystal healing.” Yeah, that voice. Then he takes a call from a man who asks Jack to play “Someone to watch over me.” Damn it people, he doesn’t play music. Don’t you pay attention? As Jack says that he recognises the callers voice, Chase is in his room getting overexcited that it’s the killer. The caller tells Jack that the song was Rose’s favourite, and calls off. Jack looks at Billy who shrugs helplessly, even though screening callers is literally his job.

In Devon’s office at KJCM, Jack and Chase are going through records that Chase photocopied from the official police records. Naughty. Jack finds a photo of a family and asks if it’s Chase’s. Nope, Driscoll’s. Chase is a “confirmed bachelor” but appears completely oblivious to the other meaning and Jack doesn’t tell him. Probably for the best. Chase says that he lives alone and he’ll die alone. Jack says he knows the type. Chase somehow takes this as a segue for asking how weird it is working for “a dame.” This is really starting to annoy me, show. He has lived through the past 40 years, he didn’t just wake up from cryogenic suspension. Jack shows remarkable, and uncharacteristic, self-control by saying it’s “not really” weird working for a woman. Chase pokes that Jack’s a man and Devon’s a woman, “and a looker too.” No wonder he’s single. Jack rolls his eyes a little and says that Devon’s his boss, and his friend, and he trusts her. I hope that last one isn’t a reason not to date her. Chase looks unconvinced and Jack insists that he doesn’t sleep with Devon. Chase, who seems to be trying to live vicariously through Jack, says okay but he bets they don’t call him “the Nighthawk” for nothing. We never find out exactly what he means by that because Devon walks in and with mild sarcasm tells them the make themselves at home.

Jack tries to make introductions but Devon says they met the other night. Chase admits he thought Devon was Jack’s secretary and Jack expresses surprise that he’s still alive. Jack also corrects Chase to refer to Devon as Ms King, not Miss. Then they tell Devon about the caller the night before. An assistant called Lynn appears to tell Devon that Becca Nicholson is there without an appointment. Devon is going to send her away but Jack says it might be best not to. Becca walks in and cheerfully greets everyone. She says that “her information” is that Mel is the key to unlocking the murders. She says that she and Devon’s mom move in the same circle but won’t confirm or deny if she actually spoke to her. She begins complimenting the décor and Devon throws her out.

Devon is pissed that her mother would talk to Becca. Jack says that they don’t know that’s what happened. Remember that in 30 seconds and a scene change when Jack goes to Devon’s mom and accuses her of going to Becca with stories about Mel.

We haven’t met before, but I feel comfortable critizising you anyway.

Devon’s mom flatly refutes this. She says that Becca Nicholson invited her for lunch and claimed that she already knew all about it. Devon’s mom says that she lied and said she had no idea what Becca was talking about. Jack says that Devon’s blaming her. She says that Devon blames her for everything.

At Carmen’s, Jack is talking to a former editor about the baby Laura case. The reporter says that she wasn’t liked – partly because she was unapologetically confident and flamboyant woman – and partly because they didn’t actually believe/trust her stories. Damn, if only she wasn’t so annoying she’d be a really interesting antagonist.

He fidgets with that damn spoon throughout the entire scene. CONSTANTLY.

It’s Carl, hi Carl! He’s chugging Alka-Seltzer and feeling sorry for himself because his sister and her husband, a stock broker, are in town. The stock broker thinks that Carl is “a bum.” Seems harsh.

Jack laughs at him and says he wants to talk to Brainy Bertha. Carl repeatedly says no, and then Jack is talking to Bertha – a late middle-aged lady who asks if he’s there for a quickie. He is not. Tell him no info without payment, Bertha. He gives her a name, Thomas Simpson, and she looks up the info: a long list of convictions including the baby Laura kidnapping in 1972. He was killed and “toasted beyond recognition” in a car crash. Jack asks what the asterix means and Bertha brightly says that means there’s also a federal file. She cross-references it but it comes up with a flashing “classified” sign. Apparently, he was in witness protection. Jack thanks Bertha, as well he should since I’m pretty sure she just broke a bunch of laws for him, and leaves.

He’s sat like that because Brainy Bertha totally undressed him with her eyes and made no attempt at hiding it. Brainy Bertha is awesome.

At Carmen’s, Jack, Devon, and Chase are going through names on a list of people who worked at the cannery with Mel. Devon recognises one: Ray Fontana. She’s seen it in her father’s paperwork.

Back at KJCM, Devon finds the paperwork for somewhere called “Mountain Crest” which has Mel listed as the legal guardian for Ray Fontana. The plot thickens! Jack hands the papers to Chase and says he might be getting nearer to an answer.

On Midnight Caller, Jack says they’re going to be doing something a bit different so please don’t change the channel, or write to your congressman. Or Devon, for that matter, because he has her permission, for a change. Jack puts on “Someone to watch over me” and we see Devon clutching her forehead, and Chase loads up his gun with bullets and announces, “we’re getting close, Joey.” Oh dear. (Is it wrong that when Jack said not to write to congress, I had an image of Jonah Ryan ranting at Jack? Because I did.)

At Mountain Crest, Jack, Chase, and Devon are meeting with an administrator. He says that Ray Fontana was admitted in 1954 by Mel King. Devon asks what’s wrong with Ray, and Chase burbles that he’s a damn murderer. Honestly, at this point it’s not surprising that Chase couldn’t solve the case. It’s more surprising that he solved any of them. The administrator asks WTF is going on and Jack steers between the two by saying that Ray Fontana might’ve been involved in two deaths forty years ago. The administrator says that Ray was diagnosed with basically PTSD, although we get a laundry list of what it used to be called. As the administrator shows them through, and everyone ignores Chase being a dick about mental health issues, Devon worries that her dad protected a murderer. The administrator says that Ray’s room is small but he chose it himself, and he never leaves it. It’s almost like solitary confinement.

The administrator leads them all into Ray’s room. Ray is clearly very fragile both physically and psychologically. Devon and Jack introduce themselves, and he says that Devon is as beautiful as Mel always said. He recognises Chase. Ray says that he hoped they’d find him. Rose told him it was time to confess. Ray talks about “something bad” happening during the war and when he came back his wife, Peggy, had left him. Mel tried to take care of him. Ray tried to be happy for Mel but he was worried about her hurting him. Chase, who is doesn’t have the patience of a child, rants that Ray killed Rose and Driscoll. Ray starts crying but continues his story. He followed Rose, somehow got in front of her, and confronted her. He was shaking her when Driscoll blundered in and startled him. Somehow this caused Rose to fall backwards down the stairs. Driscoll ran up to Ray, waving his gun around, which triggered a flashback to the war. Ray grabbed the gun and in the struggle, it went off, shooting Driscoll. Ray heard Chase approaching and took off.

Unsusre if empathetic or wondering if he left the gas on

Chase, having just heard that the “murders” were two accidents decides this is a good time to threaten Ray. Ray says that Mel forgave him and looked after him. Devon is surprised to hear that Mel knew but Ray says that Mel forgave him and said he was sick. Then Ray says that Mel was his younger brother: they had the same mother and different fathers. Devon thinks that Ray is confused until he brings out the photo album: she recognises her father in the pictures.

Devon follows the administrator to his office. Chase insists that he needs to take Ray in, even though he isn’t a police officer. Jack asks what the point is. Even if there’s a trial, Ray will simply be sent back to Mountain Crest. Chase says that Becca Nicholson will get soon, but there’s no reason she should. Devon’s the one who recognised the name. Chase insists that he’s not going to be embarrassed by Becca Nicholson, because deep down he doesn’t give a shit about “justice” he’s just pissed that he didn’t win.

Jack says that they can “handle” Becca but Chase snorts that she makes “Sonny Liston look like a pansy.” Urggh. Jack says that he’s asking for a favour: let this be.

Becca’s photographer hands her a sheaf of photographs. Evidently, she’s been following Jack around taking pictures. Random, but okay. As if summoned by the stalking, Jack calls up and asks Becca to appear on Midnight Caller. Becca, for some reason best known to herself, ignores all sense and immediately says yes without wondering why, since he’s not been very friendly and his boss was openly hostile. Sigh. Just once I’d like an antagonist on the show not to be an idiot.

If there’s one thing that this show hates, it’s journalists.

On Midnight Caller, Jack asks Becca if she’d take some questions on the baby Laura case. She’s finally slightly suspicious but doesn’t help herself by nodding an answer to questions. Jack enjoys himself by pointing out this is radio and the listeners can’t see her.

This is Jack desperately trying to hide his “duhhh” expression.

She gets more suspicious when Jack describes the death of the kidnapper as good for her. He points out that only the kidnapper could corroborate her claims about the kidnap notes. As she starts to argue, he announces that it must be “visitors’ night” since Carl – who he describes as his buddy – has arrived with “what appears to be a mystery guest.”

Jack is smiling falsely. Gry Cole is really good at that.

As they cut to a break, Becca demands to know what he’s playing at. Jack tells her that the mystery guest is Tommy Simpson. She doesn’t believe him. Jack explains that Simpson is a “well-connected guy” which I think means the mob. Jack says that he did a deal with the FBI and gave evidence against lots of bad guys who went to prison for a long time. Becca asks what that’s got to do with her and Jack says that Simpson knows she faked the notes and he thinks that Simpson is ready to tell everyone. Becca says that he’s bluffing. Jack says she’s got 20 seconds before she calls his bluff. He waves to the booth, where Carl, Devon, and Mystery Guest, are waiting along with Billy. Carl waves back and walks to the door with Mystery Guest.

Becca asks what he wants. Jack says that she drop the Red Rose book, that’s all. She thinks about it, agrees, and stomps off without giving the interview that she came for. It’s a good job that she does because Carl walks in and introduces Jack to Mystery Guest – his brother-in-law the stockbroker.

At Mountain Crest, Devon and her mom are arriving to visit Ray. I hope Devon told her stepmom about him too. Ray shows them his scrapbooks and asks if Devon is going to protect him. She promises that nobody will hurt him.

At Carmen’s, Ernie from earlier in the episode, greets Jack. He offers a toast to Chase. Jack asks if he’s known Chase long. Ernie says years and that it’s too bad about the cancer. This is news to Jack who was supposed to meet Chase at the bar. He’s even more alarmed when Ernie says that Chase popped in earlier and left in a big hurry, saying he had a promise to keep. Jack bolts.

Chase is as bad a murderer as he is a detective. If he’d just waited until he wasn’t meeting Jack then he wouldn’t have been interrupted.

It’s night and Jack runs through Mountain Crest, just as Chase lets himself into Ray’s room. I don’t know how much you’re paying, Devon, but demand a refund. The security is terrible. Chase shows Ray a photograph of Driscoll’s family and tells him that he ruined their lives. Jack arrives as Chase pulls out a gun. Jack approaches slowly as Chase rants that cop killers get executed. He tells Chase that he kept his promise: he found the killer. There’s a very long moment as Jack and Chase just stare at each other, and then Jack takes Chase’s gun. Chase leaves as Ray sobs.

On Midnight Caller, Jack says that keeping your word is a mark of a man but it’s not as important as kindness and compassion. As the scene changes to Chase walking, and then Jerado pouring a drink, a different recording of “Someone to watch over me plays” and we see Jack and Devon slow dancing.

Chapter Text

Another completely meaningless title. Don’t even start me on the fact that they have two different episodes in the first season which riff on the word “midnight.” 

 The basic setup isn’t bad but it takes up far too much of the runtime and then the second half is very rushed. The story is fairly predictable and relies on Jack being a complete idiot. However the acting is fairly solid, the villain is hissable, the femme fatale is good, and for those of us in the shallow end of the pool, Gary Cole takes his shirt off.

Jack takes a call from Sandra at South Beach. She has a man problem and Jack rather than roll his eyes at this demands that she be specific – does she mean that can’t find one or she can’t get rid of one? She says that she thinks her ex-husband wants to kill her. So, the latter I guess? Jack says that this is pretty specific. Sandra who is rather breathy lists the ways that her ex-husband is basically stalking her. Jack says to get a restraining order and change the locks. She complains that she already knows that. Then she says “you’re getting to be a habit with me” and he’s baffled, even more so when she says that it’s a song and asks him to play it. Jack points out that pinballing from “my ex wants to kill me” to “play me a song” is “a little off the wall.” He’s a little annoyed, but not nearly as annoyed as she is when he says he’s trying to be serious and that they don’t take musical requests. She says “thanks for nothing” and hangs up. This is feeling somewhat “Play Misty for Me.”

At Carmen’s, Jack greets Jerado and they revive the joke about where Carmen is this week: it’s Krakatowa – East of Java. Jack points out that outside of that movie, it’s actually west of Java. Jerado gets his one good line ever and says that’s right, he heard it moved. Billy is with Jack at the bar, which is nice. He’s once again playing with his balls. Okay, fine, his Chinese health balls which, as he points out, Jack has seen before. He tells Jack about the supposed health benefits and claims they helped him to stop smoking. Presumably because you can’t smoke if your hand is full of big white balls. He gives his balls to Jack and tells him to give it a go. “All it takes is practice.” Someone in the writers’ room belatedly realises how homoerotic this all sounds and has Jack say “that’s what Flora Dipeze told me” (no idea of spelling). As Jack struggles with Billy’s balls (yes I’m enjoying this), a breathy singer starts singing “You’re getting to be a habit with me.” You can tell she’s going to be the romantic interest of the week because she’s shot with the gauzy filter that shows used to use that was magically supposed to make women more attractive. It’s painfully obvious when we switch from her to Jack and back again. She sings the whole song, which is a bit “meh” as Jack stares at her.

The singer is drinking at a table in Carmen’s. Jack approaches, introduces himself, and asks if she’s Sandra as he recognises her voice as it’d be a ridiculous coincidence that she was singing the song he was asked about. She snippily says it wasn’t, her name is Marie Devoe, and then admits it was. Jack, who apparently cannot spot all the red flags that she’s throwing up with the lies and mood changes, sits down and asks if she wants to talk. He asks if there’s anything he can do, and she sends him for another drink. Hilariously when he turns around, she’s vanished. Jack really is a sucker for a pretty face and a wildly inconsistent temperament. Instead, he sees someone he addresses as “Sawyer.” Sawyer is right in Jack’s face and just glowers at him. Jack asks what he wants, does he want to dance? Okay, now someone is doing this on purpose, not that I mind. Sawyer says he wants to dance on Jack’s head. Oh boy. Sawyer wanders away as Jack reflects on the fact that he’s now stuck with Marie’s gin and tonic, and he hates gin.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is talking about examining the innermost depths of our souls and how this reminds us all of the words of a great philosopher who said… “You ain’t nothing but a hound dog!” Yes, he actually sings that as Elvis and it’s very funny, especially to Billy who did not see that coming. Neither did I, Billy. We’re only 11 episodes in and they’re making fun of Jack’s deep and meaningful monologues.

Jack, who is clearly in a silly mood and laughing, signs off. Can we find out what’s caused that, and get more please. Through the viewing window to the corridor, we see that the singer has wandered in off the street. Urgh, the security at KJCM blows. It’s amazing there was never an episode where someone just walked up to the viewing window and took a shot at Jack. Plenty of characters had reason to. Jack is pleasantly surprised because he’s an appalling judge of character.

He’s apparently also on a wicked dry streak because he’s gone back to Marie’s apartment. (I was initially very confused by this, because it’s clearly the same set they use for Jack’s new apartment they use later in the series when he moves). He compliments her name and she sarcastically points out that it’s a stage name. He asks why she disappeared the other night and she says she didn’t think it was fair to involve him in her problems but she showed up tonight because she wanted to see him again. Jack falls for this and goes in for the kiss.

After making out for a couple of minutes, Marie says stop and he almost doesn’t. Then she says she doesn’t think it’s a good idea. She says she really wants to see him again, as a friend. Jack is less than thrilled at this turn of events but gathers himself and says sure, he’s around. He kisses her cheek, and then Jack and his blue balls leave.

Marie is pouting in bed. Someone opens the door. She calls “how did you get in?” and Jack replies that the door was open. He walks over and she strokes his arm and says he’s wearing her favourite jacket. It’s his only jacket, Marie, he wears that thing all the time. Then she takes it off him and puts it on. The writer has a lot of fun by wrapping up a consent conversation in an analogy about Jack’s leather jacket and how much Marie “wants it.” The whole scene is bizarre in the context of the previous scene: they’re inches apart, the body language is much closer to lovers than people who just met, and oh yeah, after Marie puts on Jack’s jacket they end up making out on her bed. Marie, or the actress playing her, has watched far too many film noirs. She asks for a minute and languorously slinks out of the room. Going on past form, she’s probably going to climb out of the window.

Apparently, she’s gone for a while as Jack follows her, walking up some steps. His voice echoes as he calls her name. He looks down and sees her dead body sprawled on the floor.

Jack sits bolt upright in bed because that whole bizarre thing was a sexy dream/weird nightmare. I apologise to the actress as obviously Jack is the one who’s watched too many Noirs.

Daytime and Jack is wandering through a corridor at KJCM (we hear someone answering a phone) juggling a different set of Chinese medicine balls. He greets Billy and an admin person called Karen, whose actress has no lines. Jack asks where “the boss” is and Billy says she went to a station owner’s convention in Vegas. Jack echoes my thoughts by saying he would pay to see Devon in Vegas. I guess they had to get Devon out of the way because she would call bullshit so hard on this Marie nonsense. Billy asks how “it” went last night, and Jack hilariously glances at Karen, because talking about the sex you didn’t get isn’t something a man wants to talk about in front of a female colleague. Jack says that “it” didn’t, c’est la vie and wanders off.

Midnight Caller, Jack is irritably telling someone that cops deal with the worst parts of people’s lives and what they get in return is “indifference, mediocre pay, and the chance to die everyday.” He cuts the call off and does a very brisk sign off. Billy says that Marie called, she said that she’d meet Jack at Carmen’s. Jack, who is rapidly starting to look like he’s incapable of pattern recognition, smilingly responds that the show is over.

At Carmen’s, Jack is waiting in a booth and reading a book. Sawyer wanders over and Jack, glancing up, speaks for all of us with a “great, you again.” They trade insults and Sawyer sits down, asking if Jack is reading “Mother Goose.” Nope, something called “Novina for Recidivists.” I have no idea what that means but it sounds dry. He says it’s a novel from South America that is “very esoteric” and asks if Sawyer knows what that means. Sawyer, who looks more like a sleazy lawyer than a cop, changes the topic to the show of the night and quotes enough to make it clear that he listened to the last few minutes if nothing else. He calls Jack a phony who couldn’t make it as a cop. Jack asks if people still call Sawyer “the best cop that money can buy.” Zing. Jack claims he’s going to do a show on corruption in the department and maybe Sawyer can be a consultant, if he’s not too busy picking up his weekly pay-off. I can just imagine Carl’s face if he heard that suggestion. Marie has arrived so Jack asks Sawyer to leave. Sawyer obligingly does, which should be a tip-off.

Jack says that he’s surprised she called. She asks him to buy her a drink and he reminds her that last time she took off. Marie is on a charm offensive and Jack, who I’m honestly struggling to believe is still falling for this, goes to get her drink.

Dramatic music kicks in because the score has noticed a suspicious looking man at the end of the bar, smoking a cigarette.

Jack and Marie are walking along the shore. She’s talking about her ex-husband and how things started well and then deteriorated. She claims that after she broke up she became “involved with a famous Latin-American dictator.” Jack asks how famous and she says he’d know the name if she said it. They she says: “He promised me the world. But I wasn’t ready to take dictation.” Jack alas, does not find this anywhere near as funny as I do. Since she carries on that the dictator killed himself I guess in-universe it wasn’t supposed to be a joke, but I refuse to believe the writer didn’t know exactly what they were doing. She carries on that at the funeral a revolution broke out. Jack is finally starting to smell a rat about this whole story and Marie starts laughing.

Jack and Marie arrive at Jack’s house. He offers her coffee, that old saw, and as they pose silhouetted by the door, Marie asks what they’re going to do. Jack asks about what, because for this episode to work he has to have the idiot ball welded to his hands. Marie says she means “about us” and Jack is confused because she said she wanted to be friends. Marie says “you know what I mean” and kisses him. Buy a clue, Jack, and run for the hills. Perhaps she’s supposed to be charming, but she’s just coming off as erratic and unstable.

A saxophone plays as, in the bedroom, they begin kissing. And then we cut to a damn montage of Marie at the station watching Jack work, them taking walks, and cooking together. Oh, and then Jack gives her a key to his apartment – so either Jack moves way too fast or this is going on for weeks. Then, they’re naked. But side-by-side and facing away from the camera. It’s a very odd shot that makes me wonder if the actress balked at nudity and they had to use a body double.

Jack is in bed. Marie emerges from another room and asks the age old question: “What are you thinking about?” Jack says “a lot of things” which is probably better than “nothing” which I suspect is closer to the truth. He admits one of those things is how much he wants a cigarette. Getting one, Marie sees Jack’s gun in the cabinet drawer. She sits on the bed and interrogates him on what else he was thinking about – which he claims was how much he likes her. She claims to feel the same and they make out some more.

At Carmen’s, the suspicious dude from earlier approaches Jack, who is sat at the bar eating something and having a cup of coffee. The dude greets Jack by name. He says “she’s nailing the nighthawk.” It turns out that is Marie’s ex-husband, Eddie Dansack, the one who was supposedly stalking her, and it turns out that he’s not entirely thrilled at this turn of event. He claims to still love her and Jack says that slapping her around isn’t his idea of romance. Dansack starts to step away and then grabs a bottle from the bar which he attempts to smash onto Jack’s hand. An unknown woman shouts “hey” as Jack and Dansack brawl. Everyone just stands around while Jack pretty much beats the tar out of Dansack. Urgh, you just know that’s ending up in the paper. Jack is somehow still chewing his food as he complains to a sad looking Jerado that he just wanted to eat his eggs.

Sawyer saunters over purring “Killian.” He says that he could bust Jack for assault and disorderly conduct. Is that a thing? Seems like bars would be full of disorderly conduct. Jack brushes him off and leaves.

At Marie’s she is getting herself into a tizzy, saying she knew this would happen, she can’t do this to him, etc. He says that he can look after himself. He then promises that nothing is going to happen to either of them and he’ll take care of her. They kiss and Marie claims she loves him. Jack doesn’t reciprocate but kisses her again. Can we get to the part where the sap gets framed for the crime, please, show? You’re more than half-way through and I’m getting restive waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Dansack is walking along the street accompanied by 80s crime music. He walks into a convenience store as the elderly Korean owners have a conversation that seems to be mild bickering. As Dansack considers his shopping, we see an arm clad in a leather jack produce a gun and shoot Dansack. The Korean man points to the reflective mirror where he sees the back of a dark-haired man wearing a leather jacket. The man shoots Dansack again and flees. Dansack is shown on the floor with milk pouring from a bottle and across his face. That must’ve been unpleasant to film.

Supposedly this is a damning evidence. That could literally be anyone, show. It could be either of my parents.

Jack is on air talking about what “the jazz man” says about his art – “those who know don’t say, and those who say don’t know.” But that’s a quote so he said and therefore doesn’t know, and now my head hurts. In the booth, Billy freaks a little as a heavy-set man wanders in and shows him his police badge. Jack is still monologuing and doesn’t notice until Sawyer wanders in grinning like the cat that got the canary. OT Jack saying “god bless you” to a caller seems very random.

The Unusual Suspects

Jack is in a line up among a dozen other men with dark hair and wearing leather jackets. Not only do line-ups not work very well generally but Jack is a minor celebrity so there’s a pretty reasonable chance the nice elderly Korean couple might vaguely recognise him anyway and think he was the one. They think that Jack was the one based on his hair colour and jacket. That’s a terrible level of identification. Carl is not impressed with this although Sawyer is obnoxiously polite to them. Carl says that it’s not enough. Sawyer says there were lots of witnesses to the fist fight and it doesn’t look good. They say that the gun was .5 but they haven’t recovered it. This is so dumb. Why would anyone, let alone an ex-cop, follow someone into a random store to murder them? Why would he use his own gun?

Me, trying to cope with how idiotic Jack is in this episode.

In an interrogation room, the heavy-set cop asks Jack what he knows about Dansack. “His friends call him Eddie. His ex-wife calls him crazy.” I do like that line. Apparently Dansack has a $2 million life insurance police and Marie gets it all. Jack is genuinely shocked and says that they were divorced. The cop says that Eddie had a criminal record for a wide variety of things. Sawyer sneers that he must be looking forward to “slipping into the sheets alongside the ex-Mrs Dansack who just happens to be a very wealthy woman.” Jack lunges for Sawyer, either because he’s horribly stressed out or just because he suddenly has anger management issues, and Carl grabs him before he makes contact. Sawyer leers at him. Damn, turn down the sexual tension please. Jack asks if he’s being charged. I want to know why there’s no mention of an alibi and why Jack, a former police officer who should definitely know better, hasn’t immediately demanded his lawyer.

Sawyer is interviewing Marie and tells her that she’s definitely not a suspect. Chunky cop, who she addresses as “inspector,” isn’t buying what she’s selling and says that she could’ve hired someone to kill him. She protests that she couldn’t afford it, not that she wouldn’t, and makes a very poor job of pretending she didn’t know about the life insurance.

A dark alleyway with a homeless guy in it. A shadowed figured approaches and puts something down, then leaves. The homeless guys picks it up, it’s a gun. He then takes it to a pawn shop, and I hope he got a decent payout for it.

At his home, Jack is showing Sawyer, Carl, and Inspector Chunky where he keeps his gun. So that’s a lieutenant, an inspector, and whatever Sawyer is, all investigating one murder. No wonder there’s no money for pay rises. Jack and his chest hair tells them where to find his gun only, oops, it’s not there. Sawyer takes great pleasure in telling Jack to get a lawyer.

Carl is stood about half an inch from Jack’s window blinds and Jack is sat on the bed. Jack, now very rattled, checks that Carl doesn’t believe that he killed Dansack. Carl strenuously denies this but says that a decent case based on circumstantial evidence is being put together. Jack says that Sawyer is a weasel and Carl loses his temper, yelling that it’s not Sawyer vs Killian but the state. Carl yells that his hands are tied: he can’t compromise the investigation because IAD will come down on him “like Godzilla.” Fortunately Carl realises that Jack looks like he’s about to cry and stops yelling, although he still sounds quite annoyed as he asks Jack why he doesn’t realise that “nothing good has happened to you since you met this woman.” Well, he’s got laid a lot. That’s probably something good from his POV.

Jack says that he loves her, he’s crazy about her, and Carl throws his hands up in disgust. You and me both, Carl.

Devon’s back! She’s telling Billy that she doesn’t think it’s Jack’s call whether he stays on the air during this whole farrago. She must be getting pretty bored of having decide whether or not to leave Jack on the air while he’s being investigated for a crime. That’s the second time in a few weeks. Billy says that taking him off the air makes him look guilty but Devon thinks that it will protect him from trial by listener. Billy disagrees, because Billy seems to quite enjoy Jack being hauled over the coals, although he says he thinks it’ll give Jack a chance to defend himself. Devon defers to Billy’s expertise as Jack’s producer. At no point is there any mention of what Jack wants, which seems weird.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is being interrogated by a caller who wants to know if what the papers say is true: did Jack kill Dansack because he “had the hots for his wife and she stood to make $2 million.” Jack says that’s not true, the papers say he’s a suspect because that’s what he is. The caller says guilty until proven innocent and dials off. Urgh.

The lines are jammed as Jack takes a call from someone who says he knows Jack wouldn’t kill someone in cold blood “just because of some broad, or are you?” Jack looks at Billy and Devon in the booth and the scene cuts to her office.

Save me, Devon!

You’re screwed, Jack.

Jack is pacing as he says if they want him to take a vacation then he will. Devon says it’s for his own good. “Can’t you see that?” He already said he’d go, Devon. Jack says he hears her, and Devon continues to defend her position, which suggests she’s not entirely sure it’s the right decision. Devon affirms that she believes in his innocence, and that it’ll be proven. Then she asks how it happened. He says that he connected with someone, fell in love, and it doesn’t happen every day. Devon asks if she can do anything and he says to do what she always does, back him up. Then he says that he’ll “be around.” See what you did mean callers? You made him take a vacation.

At the station, chunky cop is handling a gun with his bare hands, because screw fingerprints. He calls Carl, identifies himself as Cullen, and says they’ve got the gun that killed Dansack. Damn it writers, this makes no sense. He wouldn’t know that until it had gone to ballistics at which point they wouldn’t hand it back to him to play with at this desk. He tells Carl that a “bum” found it and pawned it, oh, and it’s Jack’s gun. Doh.

Carl, taking a cup of coffee for a walk, strolls down a corridor in the station and visits the arson department. Then we cut to Jack’s house where Carl throws down a stack of files and tells Jack that Dansack owned two nightclubs that mysteriously burned down. Jack is unimpressed with this info until Carl points out that Sawyer investigated both fires. Carl tells him to keep looking. Jack finds a photograph: it’s of Dansack, Sawyer, and Marie. Carl keeps going but Jack has already worked it out: Marie and Sawyer knew each other and there’s only one reason she wouldn’t tell Jack that she knew him.

A hotel by the shore and Sawyer is whistling as he strolls along. Inside a room he pours himself a drink. He caresses the leather jacket that he wore while shooting Dansack, because he’s a complete idiot who thinks keeping hold of evidence is a good idea. Marie comes out of the bathroom wearing a robe. She laughs and they make out, then have sex. I wouldn’t be so happy to see someone who pimped me out to a guy he hated, even if the guy is Jack.

In a car, Carl tells Jack that Marie’s landlady confirmed that Sawyer and Marie were “shacking up” at Marie’s place for a couple of months after she broke up with Dansack. These two are terrible criminals. Jack is clearly blaming himself and Carl tells him that it could’ve happened to anyone. Then prompts Jack that he knows what he has to do. Jack says that it was his idea, but he doesn’t seem happy about it.

Marie is lolling about on a couch, naked but for the leather jacket, and flashing her legs as Sawyer boasts that they succeeded: Jack will take the blame and they’re very rich. Sawyer asks if she’ll miss Jack and she says a little, he was sweet, but not as sweet as Sawyer. Marie points out that Sawyer probably shouldn’t wear the jacket anymore. 

On a busy street, Jack is apparently having a heated conversation with Cullen. Carl loiters on a nearby corner. Cullen keeps looking at him, and then shakes hands with Jack.

Cullen enters a room at the station and wanders over to Sawyer. He puts a different gun down on the desk in front of Sawyer and says this is the murder weapon, not Jack’s gun that turned up in the pawnshop. Sawyer is appropriately baffled. Cullen says a sanitation worker found it. Then he says it’s registered to Marie. He says they might be looking at the wrong person and hands Sawyer a fake ballistics report. Then he drinks his coffee while gazing at Sawyer because Cullen is cool as a cucumber.

No cool, someone banging on Marie’s door. It’s Jack, who tells her that they found his gun. Then he laughs and tells her it’s not the murder weapon. He tells Marie that Sawyer knew Dansack and that they were in the arson of the clubs together. Marie is struggling to keep up, especially when Jack says that the arsonist had made a plea deal and will give up Sawyer. As Jack drinks a beer from her refrigerator, she pretends that this is good news. Jack kisses her and says that they’re “home free” and then he leave, taking his beer with him. 

Surprise!kisses are the best kind

As Sawyer strolls along to the hotel, Jack climbs into the van that Carl and Cullen are using for surveillance. Carl gives Jack an earphone and tells him to listen.

For someone with SO MANY corrupt/murderous cops in his department, Carl is amazingly upbeat about this.

Inside the room, we see a bug that someone has placed in a lamp. Sawyer and Marie argue: Dansack set the fires himself, and Marie doesn’t own a gun. As Marie rants that Sawyer shot Dansack with Jack’s gun a lightbulb goes off above Sawyer’s head and he motions for her to be quiet.

In the van Carl grins and says “uh oh.”

Sawyer looks out of a window and sees the van. Then he starts looking around the room for the bug. He immediately finds it in the lamp, because it’s enormous. Marie stares at him in horror and I laugh too much.

Carl calls “go” and cops converge on the room. Jack follows along and we hear gunshots. The cops enter the room and we see that they’re both dead. Jack stares at Marie’s dead body.

If only she hadn’t died - she was so fit.

On Midnight Caller, Jack takes off his headset and puts it down. He says that “sometimes the runner stumbles, love is what we want the most and understand the least.” I’m not sure if that’s a mixed metaphor but it’s very confusing. As Billy watches, Jack says that life becomes worth living when we fully invest in another person, no matter what you learn as a consequence or how painful it is. He says we can never give up the search and logs off.

Extreme close-up! Look at that pouty little mouth.

He sighs heavily and repeatedly as he stands up, and then sits heavily on the desk. I have to hope he didn’t just accidentally turn on the microphone.

Jack may have just butt broadcasted to the whole of California. 

Chapter Text

Once upon a time, children, there was no such thing as a season arc. Shocking, I know. Before shows like Babylon 5, Twin Peaks, and The X-Files, seasons generally consisted of more or less disconnected episodes that you could watch in any old order. Sequels to previous episodes were rare and when done well could be particularly poignant and meaningful. Midnight Caller managed a fantastic, if extremely depressing one with Tina’s death.

Ethan’s Call, not so much.

For the first, and possibly only, time ever Jack is getting a taste of his own medicine: he’s in the studio waiting to start and Billy is nowhere to be seen. As Jack frets, we hear barking and low moaning.

Billy is dragged along the corridor by a barking dog and, with 10 seconds to air, Billy is in the booth. The dog, a St Bernard I think, repeatedly drags Billy around the booth and even back out into the corridor. Fortunately, Jack finds this all pretty amusing and he’s cracking up as he begins the show without any kind of preamble or discussion topic, instead going straight to the phones with Dorothy in Redwood City.

You know this is going to be a depressing episode, because it starts with Jack being happy.

That makes no sense. Billy wasn’t in the booth to direct the calls and he definitely didn’t have a chance to type in names and locations. Are we supposed to believe that before the episode open Jack was in the booth, presumably using a fake voice, to queue up calls? If that happened and we didn’t see it, I am hugely disappointed.

Dorothy, who sounds quite elderly, tries to tell Jack that she listens to his show every night. But her husband George keeps trying to talk to someone else on the phone. So, Dorothy’s feedback is pretty much lost in George bitching about someone giving him vegetarian meatballs (I hear you George, meat substitutes are the worst) and Billy’s ongoing travails with his dog.

Then someone opens the door to the booth, Billy’s dog bolts into the corridor, while Dorothy and George launch into a huge row and someone slams down the phone.

Billy runs out after his dog, leaving Jack to futilely call after him. Jack tells San Francisco to buckle up because he’s “flying blind tonight.” I guess he did queue up Dorothy himself?

After the credits, apparently Billy has still not returned. As a woman kisses a man goodnight after a date we hear Jack saying “hello? Hello?” and realise that the caller is a young boy watching the couple from over the bannister. As Jack laments that the show is “off to a great start tonight,” we see the boy duck into his bedroom. It’s Ethan (Rusty’s son) and he eventually answers the phone with a whispered “hello.” When Jack asks him to speak up, Ethan says that he doesn’t want his mom to hear him. Just as Jack is about to get into WTF is a young boy is doing up at midnight calling radio hosts, Ethan identifies himself as Ethan Collins. AKA the one of Rusty’s kids that the show actually remembers and cares about.

Jack immediately gets serious and asks Ethan’s what’s wrong. Ethan reminds him that at Rusty’s funeral Jack said he’d always be there if Ethan needed him. Oof. That’s the kind of promise people make in guilt and regret at leisure. Jack remembers but says that he’s on the air. Ethan is gearing up for some emotional blackmail but, doh, busted. His mom takes the phone and tells Jack that Ethan doesn’t need to speak to him. “Leave us alone, Jack.”

Ugh. Really show, you’re going to make mom the bad guy here? She was more nuanced the last time she was on.

Jack has a flashback to shooting Rusty. Which I guess means that there’s dead air for at least a few seconds. Honestly, I’m thinking that Devon is going to have a few things to say about this whole mess. Granted a “bad” day at KJCM normally involves Jack being arrested or threatened with murder, but it’s generally entertaining for the listeners. This was bizarre amateur hour. Bad boys!

Ethan is riding his bike moodily along the road. Right down the middle of the road but that’s okay because there isn’t a single car anywhere. Did they film this on Christmas Day or something?

Ethan knocks on Jack’s door, and Jack opens it instantly. For once Jack is fully dressed when he answers his door. He’s even wearing his jacket. Jack invites Ethan in, even claiming “everybody else does” when Ethan wants to bring his bike inside. Big bike stealing neighbourhood, huh?

Jack seems pretty uneasy, presumably due to mom’s open hostility, telling Ethan that he’s not sure it’s a good idea him being there. Ethan asks why Jack said last night that Jack didn’t have time for him anymore. Jack says he didn’t say that. Ethan is a drama queen. He bitches that Jack doesn’t visit anymore and Jack points out that mom asked him not to. I guess that’s a holdover from Trash Radio and not a recent thing. Jack offers to talk to mom and Ethan wants to do it NOW.

Jack’s 90s fashion sense is on point.

Jack, in a hoody type thing, carries Ethan’s bike up the steps and knocks on the door. Ethan doesn’t have a key? Jack worries that mom will be peeved. She opens the door and is cold to Jack, demanding to know why he’s there. Jack points out that Ethan came to visit him. Hey, I think they recast mom. I need to check. Mom complains that every time Ethan sees or hears Jack it brings back his father. Lady, his dad died. He’s going to traumatised. Get a grief counsellor and quit expecting the kid to forget his father. Mom genuinely seems to think that Ethan should just get over it, because mom is being written and performed with all the complexity of an evil stepmother in a Disney movie. Jack points out that he had a “pact” with Rusty to look after her and the kids if anything happened to Rusty. He wants to help. What was Rusty’s side of this pact, was he going to look out for Tina? Does Jack have some unseen pet? Anyway, mom’s boyfriend arrives. Oh, he gets a name: Tim Hurley. Mom introduces them and boyfriend follows mom into the house, leaving Jack to shake his head.

At KJCM, Jack emerges from an elevator reading a paper. He’s lucky nobody was waiting or he’d have walked right into them. We, and he, hear Devon yelling “what!” So, he goes to investigate. She greets him and sneeringly reads out a letter she’s had inviting her, as a young, attractive woman to appear in ‘High Life Magazine’s “Girls of the Airwaves” edition.’ Wow. I’d be pissed too. But mostly confused. They want to do an interview and take some photos. Jack ironically says he’d jump all over it. Devon, perhaps missing his tone, complains that their idea of an interview is 3 pages of revealing photographs and asking her what her favourite ice cream cone is. Jack, in the same tone of ironic detachment, says that she should give it a chance. Somehow Devon does not throw the letter at him. She instead asks him if he knows what kind of people read High Life and he says, ‘… me?’

I’m getting the definite impression that High Life is an analogue for Playboy. Devon says that proves her point and asks him to put the shoe on the other foot, how would he answer the letter? Um, given some of the publicity nonsense that Devon makes Jack do I’m not sure a sexy photo shoot is entirely beyond the realm of possibility. Jack thinks about it and says, ‘chocolate, chocolate chip.’ Then he says that it’s an entirely different situation. Yeah, because he’s a dude and being treated as a sex object has little or no innate threat and has some novelty value. Devon, who I notice now is wearing a lot of make-up and heavy jewellery, asks him to explain how it’s different. Jack says there are three main differences. Number 1, “it… it just is!” Gosh, with such a ready wit and articulate manner he should talk for a living or something.

When dealing with Jack, Devon pulls this expression quite a lot.

Jack is clearly uncomfortable as he begins backing away towards the door. Then inspiration strikes and he goes with reverse psychology, telling Devon that she’s right. The idea of who doing something like that is ridiculous. She immediately argues that it’s not. Jack gets flustered again and, after some prodding, says that Devon is too classy for something like that. Devon suddenly has her legs propped on the desk, purely so that she can drop them and smirk when Jack walks away calling himself an idiot.

In the booth, Billy is cooing at his dog. Jack suggests that he tie the dog up to “the hitching post downstairs.” Billy ignores this sound piece of advice and also the suggestion that he leave the dog at home. We get a shot of the dog’s paw on a piece of equipment as Billy counts down the intro. I’m getting the impression that Jack is not entirely a dog person. I notice that we can see drool pooling on the switches and I’m thinking Jack may have a point.

I hate this subplot. But a cute dog is a cute dog.

The “on the air” light flickers and burns out. Billy checks his equipment and sees a tendril of smoke rising from the equipment where the dog had her paw. Billy promises Jack that he’s on the air, it’s just the light that’s out. Jack manages a smile and begins talking about best friends then he segues badly into loneliness which he wants to talk about. He takes a call from “Eve” who says that it’s her real name. She spoke to him previously as “Rachel” and talked to him about her husband beating her. Jack told her to leave and she did. Jack asks how she’s doing and we see Ethan listening as she says that for the first few weeks the loneliness was almost harder than the beatings. Ethan, honey, this is not something you should be listening to. Eve says that she’s been on her own for 7 months and she’s relieved. Jack says that sometimes there’s initial pain before the healing, and reiterates that he will always advise someone in that situation to pack their bags and leave. He moves on to a call from Jennifer as we see Ethan wandering through San Francisco at night. I honestly think this storyline might’ve worked better with Ethan’s unseen older sister. It’s hard to believe a kid Ethan’s age being able to stay up that late, let alone not being grabbed by some adult immediately and handed over to the cops.

On Midnight Caller, Jack is telling Desmond that he’s given Jack a new perspective: “picture phones” will give a whole new dimension to obscene phone calls. Picture phones! That tickled me far too much. Also, I guess Desmond was right. What are unsolicited dick pics if not a kind of obscene phone call for “picture phones”?

In the booth, Billy is freaking out a little bit as he answers a call. He puts Ethan through rather than, say, going to a commercial and letting Jack answer privately. Billy, I love you, but you are terrible at your job.

Ethan is in a phone box as he tells Jack that he took Jack’s advice: he packed up his bags and left. Come on he’s not that young and he can’t be that dumb. As Jack panics and asks Ethan where he is, a cop car drives past and Ethan says he has to go, Ethan wanders along very busy streets where literally nobody questions why an 11-year-old is out waaay after midnight. I know that there are homeless kids but he’s clearly not.

Jack calls mom, who is called Kathleen. Hooray for names. Kathleen is apparently living one hell of a charmed life because she doesn’t immediately freak out at being called in the middle of the night, but simply complains instead. If someone calls me in the early hours of the morning, my immediate assumption is someone died. And if they didn’t they’re about to. Don’t interrupt my damn sleep.

Jack goes vaguely with “there’s a problem with Ethan” which leads to unnecessary confusion, but she finally goes to check Ethan’s room. I don’t know why we need to see this since we already know he’s wandering the street. Jack tells her to sit tight and he’ll start a search.

Presumably Midnight Caller is on one of its mammoth advert breaks because Jack is now talking to someone called “Frank” and asking him to have his guys keep an eye out for Ethan. Ethan’s only 4’10”? No wonder he’s annoyed.

Jack finishes up a call with Sunnyvale (which I always mishear as Sunnydale) as Ethan calls from an arcade. This isn’t how you’re supposed to run away, Ethan. Jack goes to an ad as he talks to Ethan, but it’s hardly worth it. The arcade is closing and the manager wants Ethan off the phone ASAP as it’s 2 a.m. It’s 2 a.m. and he has nothing to say to a child in his establishment other than GTFO? Anyway, Ethan hangs up before he can say much more than “the man says I have to get off the phone” which cannot be what Jack wants to hear. We know it’s just the arcade manager, Jack doesn’t.

Jack calls Kathleen with an update - he confirms that Ethan just called but that he doesn’t know where Ethan is. Kathleen tells Jack that he’s responsible for “this” and hangs up. I don’t know what annoys me more, her attitude or that she’s written in such a ridiculous, one-dimensional manner. Jack does the “squeeze eyes closed” thing that Gary Cole does when his character is deeply upset or regretful, and then he’s back on the phone to Frank.

Hey, where’s Carl?

Frank complains that it’s only been 15 minutes. Which is a fair point.

Ethan has finally run out of change and calls KJCM collect. Billy pleads with the operator to hang on while he puts Ethan through. Why? Just take the call, Billy. While this is happening, Jack is telling someone that he’s quit smoking (drink!) and he feels great.

Insert Airplane! Reference about quitting smoking, doing glue, whatever.

Billy orders Jack to go to an ad as Ethan is on the phone. Jack tells Ethan not to play any games and tell Jack where he is. He’s at the bus station and he’d really like Jack to come and get him as he’s scared.

So, Jack tells Billy to take over and leaves. What? No. Keep him on the phone so you know he’s safe and ask Frank to pick him up! Damn. These people.

Anyway, goodness knows what happens with Midnight Caller. It’s after 2 a.m. but it still has some time to run. Is Billy going to start talking himself? Just run ads? I am more interested in this than in Ethan and his awful mother. It must be so confusing being a regular listener.

Jack arrives at the bus station, wandering around because they didn’t agree where to meet. Jack finally spots Ethan and chides him a little bit about what he thought he was doing and that running away doesn’t achieve anything. Ethan, correctly, points out that it meant he got to see Jack. Although going to his house also achieved that, Ethan, and probably would’ve got you Twinkies if you’d asked. As they leave the bus station, the camera lingers on the clock which reads 3:10. I’m not sure what the logic behind that shot is since it just causes more questions. Was Midnight Caller about to end when Jack bailed or did it just take him a long time to get to the bus station?

Jack and Ethan get out of a cab at Ethan’s house. Kathleen greets Ethan with a fraction of the emotion you would expect for a woman whose eleven-year-old was running around a major city for several hours in the middle of the night/early hours of the morning. Jack tries to talk to Kathleen and she sneers “haven’t you done enough already?” Jack has finally had enough of her attitude. GOOD. They have a very brief argument in which she yells that she doesn’t want to see him again. Well, it’s not always about you, Kathleen. On the stairs, listening, Ethan has a flashback to a scene we’ve never seen before.

Black and white makes Gary Cole look weirdly skinny.

The way it’s shot, never seeing Kathleen in the same frame as Jack or Carl, makes me wonder if it was originally in the pilot but they removed the previous actress and pasted in the new one. Anyway, it’s Carl and a massively traumatised looking Jack, telling her that Rusty is dead. Jack should be in hospital people. He got shot! Flashback Kathleen is very slow on the uptake. Jack, weeping openly, tells Kathleen that he accidentally shot Rusty. As Ethan watches, Kathleen has a total meltdown. Carl says they need to wake up Ethan and Rachel to tell them. Poor Rachel.

As Carl and Jack wander out into the hallway, leaving Kathleen in hysterics, Carl suggests calling some of Kathleen’s friends, because Carl is nothing if not sensible and practical. Jack ignores this in favour of talking about how bad he feels and how he “did this to her,” because I love Jack but he’s nothing if not All About the Drama.

Ethan’s flashback ends, and Kathleen runs up the steps. Jack calls after her but she tells him to stay away from Ethan. Just Ethan, because screw Rachel. At this point I’m surprised Kathleen doesn’t just get a restraining order and have done with it.

Jack walks along the street and gets into a car with Carl. As Carl laughs and says he’s not going to ask how Jack found him, Jack offers him coffee and donuts. That’s a good date, Carl, don’t knock it. And, although Jack used to be a detective, I’d bet that he tracked you down by calling the station and asking. Your people don’t give a single damn about not giving out confidential information.

This is only 21 minutes in? Ugh. It feels like it should be nearly over.

Jack briefs Carl on everything in the first 20 minutes of the show. We know, show, we just watched it. Carl says it’s not just Jack. Kathleen’s isolated herself and the kids from the entire department. Well when you put it like that, Carl, it sounds really creepy. You’re not supposed to be the Mafia.

Jack says that he’s feeling “really down” about the whole situation. Please form an orderly queue to provide Jack with hugs.

Chest hair - drink!

Rather than do that, Carl gently tells Jack that he didn’t do anything. Jack points out that he killed Ethan’s father. And Rachel’s. This is seriously starting to annoy me now. Carl asks how long Jack is going to keep beating himself up about that. Jack says that if he’d stayed home that night then Rusty would be alive if not for him. Or maybe the bad guy would’ve shot him. Just saying. Jack asks Carl if he has any idea how many times a day he thinks about it. Carl gives him a pep talk about all the lives he’s saved. It’s a nice speech and well delivered. It’s more meaningful for Jack not seeming to agree. Guilt is corrosive and it often flies in the face of reason and common sense.

At Kathleen’s, Ethan is foregrounded and pouting while Kathleen makes the classic error of saying “I love you, but” which we all know means “I’m going to say something mean/horrible but wanted to score some fake nice points first.” In this case she’s ranting about him running away. This would work a lot better if she wasn’t about thirty feet behind him and yelling at the back of his head.

Oh look, I guess that must be Rachel next to him. She’s around about his age. For some reason in the pilot I thought she was a fair bit older. Either way, there’s a weird sexism at play here since the show only seems to think that little boys are affected by their father’s dying. Ethan demands to know why she told Jack to stay away and she says that he wasn’t supposed to hear that. Great come back.

They bicker someone with Kathleen telling him to get used to things, because this is how life is now. GET HIM A THERAPIST. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN? And then possibly the real source of discord makes an appearance – Kathleen’s new boyfriend, Tim. Tim has a mullet. That’s probably all you need to know about Tim. The actress playing Rachel is so darn pleased to have a line that she practically drools when she greets him. Ethan pouts. I have a feeling I should make that a macro.

‘I don’t believe this,’ Devon says at KYCM.

What is it Devon, Billy’s dog? Jack running out before the end of the show? Your hideous old lady earrings?

No, it’s a reply from Highlife Magazine, about her refusal to participate in their “women of the airwaves” edition. At least they changed it from “girls” to “women” I guess. Devon wrote them a “polite little note” and then came back saying they have changed it to “women of the ocean waves” instead. I’m very unclear why Devon finds this so unbelievable. Jack certainly thinks that it’s a better idea. ‘Women in little sailor suits? Like that,’ he says.

Somewhere in a parallel fictional universe, Kent Davison just got a warm tingling feeling and no idea why.

Oh, okay. The letter then continues that they still want to include Devon in a section called “businesswomen on the rise” and they’ll be in touch. Eesh. Maybe Devon needs the restraining order.

Devon rants a little more about how she knows business and how she takes pride in being able to turn on the radio and hear quality, not exploitative trash. As she’s saying this we hear male voices singing some sort of sea shanty while a dog howls. Jack initially laughs, but is quick to join Devon as she bolts down the corridor to find out just what is going on.

They look through the booth window and… Billy’s dog is broadcasting? This makes no sense. She’s certainly barking into the microphone while a sea shanty plays but there’s nobody else there to have turned on the record. We don’t see the “on air” sign so I hope that she just managed to turn on the record and bark along rather than actually broadcasting. Billy, who seems to have had a haircut, runs up, and seems far too amused by this. You’re in trouble, Billy!

Jack realising that Mighty might get better ratings than him.

Ethan is waiting for the school bus to pick him up. The bus pulls away without him. Ugh. Seriously Kathleen, he’s already run away once, and you didn’t make the effort to actually ensure he gets to school?

Jack is at home reading the paper, having a coffee and eating his breakfast. Kathleen, suddenly sheepish and embarrassed, calls up and admits that Ethan didn’t go to school and now she can’t find him. Jack, who seems more annoyed than anything, says that Ethan hasn’t contacted him. Kathleen says that Jack’s the only person that Ethan would go to. What, he doesn’t have any friends? Damn.

Not sure if that cup has a tiny handle or Jack has large hands

A cemetery. Ethan is stood at Rusty’s grave while bagpipe music plays. Which is honestly baffling. It turns into a segue for Rusty’s funeral which, for some reason, also included a piper in full regalia. That’s equally as baffling. Bagpipes sound terrible. One of my neighbours is in the habit of parading up and down the street playing his bagpipes and believe me they do not improve with practice. Anyway, we watch Ethan, who mostly looks constipated, as a priest reads the service. We see TONS of extras and finally Carl. I don’t see Jack though until right at the end, when he’s stood side-on to Ethan for some reason. Jack is breathing heavily as we hear them give a 21-gun salute. Jack is still wearing his sling, which is a nice touch.

Boo!

Back in the present, and finally away from the bagpiper, Jack arrives at Kathleen’s house. The fact that she didn’t even think of going to the cemetery says a lot about her. Jack asks if she knows where he might have gone and Kathleen seems honestly surprised that Ethan hadn’t been to see Jack. Didn’t you already have this conversation on the telephone, Kathleen? Jeez. Jack points out that Ethan has now run away twice in two days and they need to deal with it…. And Kathleen goes right back to blaming Jack for this whole issue. Sigh.

Also, if this is the day after, how is Ethan even awake enough to skip school and go trucking all the way to the cemetery? He was up until at least three a.m.!

Anyway, Jack thinks that Ethan needs “a friend.” Kathleen yells that she’s Ethan’s friend.

Oh, honey. No. Don’t be one of those parents. Your kid needs you to be his parent, not his buddy. Get Ethan a grief therapist, and Rachel too since goodness knows what’s going on with her, and quit whining.

Kathleen rants that she doesn’t want Ethan spending the rest of his life “hunting for his father in old cardboard boxes of photographs and police badges.” You get to keep police badges? That seems like a bad idea. Jack says that maybe that’s what Ethan needs. Kathleen says she wants Ethan to live his own life, not Rusty’s, and SHE WANTS IT NOW. I’m starting to think that Kathleen needs a therapist more than Ethan.

She asks Jack if he knows how hard it was for her to ask him for help: the one person that she doesn’t want in her life or in her house. That is actually a very valid point. Jack says that Ethan lives there too, and then things really start to go south. Kathleen yells at him not to use her son against her and Jack retorts “using who to what now?” Which I both like for the fact that people do get incoherent when they’re angry and also that it’s just the most random piece of filler dialogue. Kathleen finally flings out “you killed my husband!” and Jack immediately replies that if he could change places with Rusty then he would. It’s one of those scenes where if you had no familiarity with the show you would still know that Jack was the main character and not Kathleen, because all of the weight, all of the focus, is on his line and none of it is on hers.

Also, out of focus in the background, we see that Ethan walk in. Ethan walking in unnoticed while Kathleen and Jack scream at each other is a lovely bit of understated storytelling.

Jack yells that he’s just trying to help and they notice Ethan has walked in. Kathleen bitterly says, “goodbye Jack,” because she’s learned nothing. Ethan begs her not to, but she just watches as Jack leaves. Without even saying goodbye to Ethan, which is kind of weird.

At KJCM, Jack is leaning on a wall looking pensive. Out of shot we hear Devon say that it’s the first time he’s spoken to her about Rusty. Jack says that it’s not something he shares with a lot of people. Except all those times he’s alluded to it on the radio, I guess. Jack says that Rusty was like family. Devon asks if he saw Kathleen and the kids much after the funeral, so presumably he hasn’t told her how hostile Kathleen is to that idea. He says that he didn’t visit as much as should’ve but that going to the house has brought back a lot of painful memories. Devon says that happens. People try to hurry grief but Ethan isn’t ready to let it go. He’s crying out for attention, skipping school, and running away from home. He doesn’t want to let go of Rusty. As much as I’m glad to have Devon get some lines, I do wonder why she’s the one explaining this. Jack’s mum died about 10 years previously and his siblings would’ve been in their teens, or younger. He should have a very good understanding of what Ethan’s going through, and probably be wondering WTF is going on with Rachel.

Jack’s response is to ask if High Life magazine knows how smart Devon is, because Jack cannot cope with deep emotions without either cracking a joke, getting drunk, or sulking like a child. Devon lets this pass and says that grief is a part of life and not necessarily a bad part of life – it’s how we grow. I’m going to have to call BS on that one, Devon. If I break a bone and it heals stronger does that mean that breaking bones is a good thing? No, it doesn’t. Come on now.

At Kathleen’s house, while ridiculously weepy 80s music plays, Ethan sneaks into a closet and gets out a bunch of boxes. He sneaks back to his bedroom with the boxes. Did Ethan just discover Rusty’s porn stash? This episode would go up a lot in my estimation.

On Midnight Caller, Jack asks a caller from Menlo Park what he can do for them. The caller, a woman really pushing the “breathy, sexy voice” thing asks what she can do for Jack, because when he was talking about loneliness it sounded like it came from the heart.

So, yeah, Billy has put through a sex line operator, and he knows it, and he thinks it’s hilarious. I know that you guys are on in the middle of the night but you have sponsors, Billy. Come on now. Jack finally realises what’s going on and they trade a few innuendos. Then Jack, suddenly referring to her as Veronica, asks where he’d find her and she says, “there’s no telling you’d get me” because there are 17 of them at Riva’s and they have reasonable rates. Hmm, that’s not how that kind of business operates. Customers definitely ask for particular girls and get put through to them. Anyway, Veronica rings off, and Jack jokes that he thought he was getting somewhere. Well, since you just gave Riva’s a free advert I think Jack should at least get comped a couple of free hours on the phone or something. Maybe that’s what they offered Billy to get him to put her through.

Ethan is looking at old photos of the family. Really show, you want to juxtapose a little boy grieving for his dad with a naughty phone line operator? The mawkish music leads us from Ethan touching a photograph of his dad to Ethan not eating his breakfast while Kathleen says the principal told her Ethan is by himself all the time. Ethan says that the other kids don’t know how to be friends any more. Kathleen drops the subject entirely and moves on to asking him about his upcoming spelling test. Rachel, meanwhile, just sits next to Kathleen, ignored and unloved. Kathleen is the worst.

Then Kathleen asks Ethan what he was doing in the closet with Rusty’s things. Busted! Ethan stares at his dad’s empty chair and flashes back to Kathleen telling him to eat his vegetables, while Rusty drinks Coke. When Ethan protests that Rusty didn’t eat his, Rusty laughs and feeds them to a dog that, in the present, is conspicuous by its absence. Way to totally undermine your wife, Rusty. Rusty says he’s going to be home late and won’t have cake because Jack’s waiting. Then Rusty promises he’ll help Ethan with his model, even if he has to wake Ethan up. Um, is this supposed to be an accurate memory? Because randomly waking you kid up at god knows when does not seem like a good idea. Rusty puts the dog outside for… some reason, despite Ethan’s protests. It’s unclear if this is supposed to be the night that Rusty died. If it’s not then it’s a weirdly “meh” memory to flashback to.

Someone knocks on Kathleen’s door and Ethan jogs to answer it. There is officially way too much Ethan. Nobody cares. Jack, in a weirdly 80s sweater, walks into the house and Kathleen immediately is on his case because she has repeatedly asked him to stay away. Jack tells her that he’s not there to see Ethan, he’s there to see her. Restraining order, Kathleen. Seriously.

Kathleen and Jack walk into the garden. Jack has his hand on the back of her neck, which is particularly strange as she aggressively asks him what he wants, turns away, and starts pulling on gardening gloves. Is she going to kill him? Jack asks why she keeps turning her back on him, literally in this case. I don’t know Jack, maybe because you literally killed her husband? Refusing to let Ethan see you when he’s clearly desperate to do so is bad parenting but she has no reason to like you.

Jack says that Ethan isn’t ready to say goodbye to Rusty and he doesn’t think Kathleen is either. For some reason, they have her start gardening while having her back to Jack, which means they’re never in shot at the same time. Gary Cole is also fairly shouting his lines which means that they lose a lot of their emotions. It’s very strange. Anyway, Jack talks about how depressed he was and how he drove people away. Kathleen snarls that she remembers as she “leaned on [his] doorbell and never got an answer.” Oof. No wonder she’s pissed.

Jack blithely says sorry and that he needed the time to heal. Then six months later Devon gave him a job right when he was ready to move on. Kathleen understandably rips Jack a new one: she hates Rusty for leaving and Jack for taking him. She apologises and Jack says that everything she said was true. Kathleen breaks down, admitting that she thinks about Rusty all the time. Jack totally fails to give the crying woman a hug and instead tells her that he understands, but that Ethan has questions. Kathleen cries some more and it isn’t until she shuffles along the bench towards him that Jack puts his arm around her. Jack kisses her forehead and tells her that she needs to be honest with Ethan about her feelings about Rusty.

Ethan watches them from a window. Unfortunately, the young actor only seems to have about three expressions so it’s impossible to tell what he thinks about this.

Jack comes back into the house and approaches Ethan, addressing him as champ. Ethan, in total defiance of Kathleen’s instructions, is looking at a photograph of Jack and Rusty’s graduating class from the academy. Jack tries to engage Ethan in conversation, but Ethan is pretty reluctant. Jack says that Rusty talked about Ethan all the time. Where’s Rachel through all this? I’m honestly quite worried about her. Jack tells Ethan that Rusty was so proud of him, and would be proud of him now. Ethan looks like he might cry but doesn’t. Ethan says he’s worried that he’s going to forget Rusty. Jack promises that he won’t forget him, inside. Which seems like a cop-out, frankly. Jack says that if Rusty were around to hear him on the radio then he’d never let him live it down. Well, if Rusty was alive you wouldn’t be on the radio, Jack. Rusty had to die for this show, damn it!

At no point does Jack mention his mum dying, which seems strange but okay. Ethan says that on the day Rusty died he wanted to ask him something, but he was in a rush. Jack prompts him to say what it was. Ethan takes him upstairs to look at the model. It’s a huge thing and I have no idea what it is. I put together lots of Ikea furniture but this thing is a mystery. Ethan asks Jack if he’ll help him finish it and Jack agrees. As Jack tries to work out WTF he’s looking at, Ethan asks if sometimes he can see Jack at work. Jack agrees readily, suggesting today, and Ethan goes off to ask Kathleen. Ethan is eleven years old, and Jack works from 12-3am. This is a terrible idea.

Ethan goes outside and asks Kathleen if he can go to KJCM even though he has homework, but he’ll do it later, honest! Kathleen who is still trying to garden has obviously just given up now tells him he can go.

Jack swaggers through KJCM with Ethan besides him. Seriously. Watch Gary Cole walk… anywhere, and tell me he’s not swaggering. Ethan asks what time he comes into work. Jack says that the show starts at 12 and he needs some prep time so… about three minutes to 12. Yeah, on a good night.

They stop and wonder what is going on with a photographer who is set up apparently in the corridor. One guy in on all fours and there’s so discussion about costumes. Devon, who is rather agitated, marches over to Jack and demands he explain what’s going on. Jack points out that it’s her radio station, “you tell me.” Devon asks if it’s one of his “little schemes” to have High Life magazine come in. Jack pleads his innocence. Also, what kind of “little schemes” is Jack getting up to that we’re not seeing? As a tiny pink tutu is waved around we hear the photographer say, “I want to see her in nothing but a hat” and… it’s Billy’s dog isn’t it? This is a terrible subplot that’s unworthy of you, show.

Devon, who has totally lost control of her own damn station, demands that Jack throw them out. Then they bring Billy’s dog out. Billy, who clearly has no idea why this might not be a great thing, wanders over and belatedly says he hopes it’s okay. Apparently The Despatch, that’s Deacon’s paper, want some pictures because since Mighty “sang on the air”…

“they’ve been hounding her!” Jack interrupts, because why give up the opportunity for a dad joke?

God damn it, show. The dog was actually on air? That makes no sense. Billy should have been up on three different disciplinaries for a) having the dog in the station, b) leaving the equipment on, c) losing control of the freaking dog, and now he’s arranging his own photoshoots inside the station? This isn’t a humorous subplot, this is infuriating. Why’re you making Devon weak and powerless? GAH.

Billy claims to have sent Devon a memo and apparently her pride won’t let her admit that she has no idea what he’s talking about. So, Billy gets away with it. GRR. The more I rewatch these, the more I think Billy is some kind of low-key psychopath, just trolling the entire station to see how far he can push things. 

The alternative Queen’s speech was off to a flying start

Devon and Billy wander off, leading Jack and Ethan to… turn around and walk back the way they came. Is that the end of the tour, one corridor? Ethan didn’t even get to see the recording booth!

On Midnight Caller, Jack says that he spent the day with “an old friend” and that he learnt what it’s like to be there for someone, and to have someone be there for him. That is such bullshit. Devon has repeatedly been there for him and giving Kathleen one clearly uncomfortable hug is not being there for her. Oh, except that he’s talking about Ethan. Who he wasn’t really there for either. Meh. As Jack says that we’re neither stronger nor wiser for avoiding or denying grief, we see that Ethan has fallen asleep with the radio on. Kathleen picks up the radio and stares at it. Jack continues talking, saying that the strongest tree is the one that bends. He says, “the process” never ends and it never should. Billy and Devon in the booth seem far more impressed with that then I am. Honestly, that was not Jack’s best work. Meh.

Chapter Text

In which my retinas are burned by hideous fashion choices and hilarious haircuts

Someone is pushing a baby in a stroller as cheesy 80s music plays. The mom sits down at a bench and lightly chides baby Kate for chewing her stuffed toy caterpillar. Because, apparently, she is insanely naïve about what babies will put in their mouths. Another woman sitting at the bench smiles at them faintly because being alone in public in the days before cell phones was just an endurance trial of social awkwardness.

Suddenly someone is hit by a car. Yes, you read that correctly. It’s a very strange scene. Dude is hit by a car and Kate’s mom hesitates a moment before asking a complete stranger to watch her baby while she goes to check on another complete stranger. God, woman. If you absolutely must intervene, at least take Kate out of the stroller and carry her the several hundred yards to the car accident with you.

Anyway, because the name of this episode is ridiculously on the nose, the stranger on the bench takes Kate out of her stroller and leaves. You’ve already stolen a child, why not steal the stroller too? Do you know how heavy babies get when you’ve been carrying them for any length of time? Kate’s mom notices the Kate-napping and runs back to the bench, screaming “Kate!” Which always works with children too young to do more than gurgle and sob.

Hey - don’t I know you?

Oh there you are.

Credits!

Police are on the scene. Given the general corruption and incompetence of the police in Midnight Caller, this is probably not a good thing. Carl is interviewing mom, who he IDs as Doctor Weir. She insists that she’s not having any trouble with Kate’s father. Carl says that they’re going to wait for a phone call. Um, come on. I’m pretty everyone knows that taking a completely random baby probably isn’t that kind of kidnapping. Weir says that doesn’t have any money as she runs a charity clinic. Okay show, we get it, we’re supposed to feel bad for the woman who stupidly left her child with a complete stranger. Weir goes on to say that Kate has diabetes and without her meds in 3 or 4 days she’ll die. See, kidnapper? Should’ve taken the stroller.

In Devon’s office, which is apparently in a sky scraper, Devon is talking to her friend Rebecca AKA Doctor Weir. Gosh, that was convenient. Jack and Billy walk in, without knocking, and Devon introduces them to Rebecca, who seems rather wary of them. When Jack addresses her as Dr Weir, she tells him to call her Rebecca, which she didn’t do with Carl. Jack and Billy have already been briefed, because Midnight Caller at least doesn’t go in for needless repetition. Jack says that they’re talking about putting her on air to make an appeal to the kidnapper. At midnight. Hours and hours after it happened. Has she already been on the television news? Come on show, I know you’re clearly struggling with your format here but at least have Jack interview her after she’s already been on the television. Anyway, Jack, who is being very professional, warns Kate that there’s a downside – that “they” may threaten to harm Kate, Billy helpfully chimes in that they may threaten to send in a finger. I know that Jack’s show has a troll problem but that seems hardcore. Devon says that Jack is worried that if the kidnapper may try to use the show to get more money.

Oh, because apparently we’re sticking with the quite unlikely idea that this is a kidnapping for money. I don’t know if this is a sign of the show’s age or just a badly done attempt to create a red herring, but it’s not working. Rebecca says she understands, but that telling them about Kate’s medical history is vital. Jack says that she can’t let her emotions get away from her or discuss the details of the abduction. Billy says she can’t sound accusing or judgemental. Men telling a woman with every reason to be hysterically angry not to get emotional, accusatory, or judgemental. Gosh, it’s like a comments section. Ahem. Sorry. Jack continues that they don’t know what state of mind the person keeping Kate is in and that although there will be a temptation to get angry or desperate “neither emotion is useful.”

Jack Killian, telling someone that getting emotional isn’t useful. Bwahahah.

Anyway, Jack introduces his show by saying that a baby was taken, that the mom is there, and she wants the Kate-napper to know that Kate has juvenile diabetes. Um. Isn’t that all the information that’s necessary? Why risk Rebecca being taunted and abused by callers?

Jack appeals to the listeners to help, somehow, and puts Rebecca on to appeal to the kidnapper directly. As she continues to talk very calmly about Kate’s symptoms, we see the kidnapper trying to get Kate to sleep. The thing is though, I’m not sure that everyone would know what counts as “frequent urination and unusual thirst” in a baby. The kidnapper flat out refuses to accept that there’s a problem, telling Kate that all she needs is her.

Jack randomly touching his guests strikes again. Nobody wearing that eyepopping shirt should be seen in public.

Rebecca calmly says that she doesn’t want the kidnapper to go to prison, she just wants her baby back. Then Jack says that KJCM is offering a $10,000 reward for information leading to getting “the baby” back, because for some reason they don’t seem to want to use her name. I hope they’ve got Billy some extra operators, because that reward is going to bring people out of the woodwork. Also, what do the police think about this reward idea?

As we see all the lights on the phone flashing, it’s clear that nope, they’ve just got Devon answering the phones with Billy. And getting pissed off because someone is wasting her time. Unfortunately, the actual kidnapper can’t get through. You really should’ve set up two lines – one for info and one for people claiming to be the kidnapper.

As Billy tells someone that he realises that “the Russians have photographed a statue of Elvis on Mars” Devon finally talks to the kidnapper, who says that the baby is safe and happy, and she didn’t want to cause anyone any pain. I guess that’s okay then… Devon is wary and asks for proof that this isn’t any “pod person.” A discussion about the blanket Kate was wrapped in leads to Devon putting Jack on the phone. There’s a nice little character moment when the kidnapper is rather star struck about talking to Jack. Unfortunately, Jack is too impatient, understandably given Kate’s medical condition, to take the time to bond with her and earn her trust. Instead he says he wants to have her talk to Rebecca, nope she’s “too ashamed”, and then he asks her name. That doesn’t work either. Jack asks why she took the baby. She says that she had a fight with her boyfriend and she got sick. She asks if he understands what it’s like to long for a child. Rebecca says that she understands, which puts the kidnapper’s hackles right up. She doesn’t believe that Kate has diabetes, I’m sure Rebecca repeatedly calling insulin “special medication” in a patronising tone doesn’t help, and then she angrily hangs up.

Chest hair - drink!

Jack tries to comfort Rebecca and then goes back on air, for all of about 90 seconds, to apologise for the delay and to plead for the kidnapper to call back. Oh, and can all the people calling in about statues on Mars etc leave the line open? And then he goes off air again! And people complain about all the ad breaks on the television.

The kidnapper rings a sleazy looking dude, Ron, and identifies herself as “Sally.” Kate, by the way, is crying and crying. Ron says it’s not a great time, which is unsurprising since it’s apparently after midnight. He says that they don’t have anything to say to each other, and she burbles that a baby has “come into” her life. When he declines to help she says if something happens and Kate dies then she will blame him. Wow. Sally’s just the best. Ron says that he can’t deal with her any more, and hangs up. It’s impossible to blame him for that. Sally is clearly an awful, toxic person.

Jack is on the phone telling Carl that Billy is putting an 800 number together. He’s doing that in the middle of a show? Jack tells Carl that Rebecca thinks Sally is the same woman she saw in the park. Ugh. Sally said maybe three words in the park. Come on. Anyway, Jack has finally realised that he’s not dealing with the Lindburgh baby kidnapping here and it’s not about ransom money.

A shot of a bridge. I don’t know if it’s the Golden Gate. I haven’t made it to San Francisco (yet). Ron runs over to someone messing with his shiny yellow sports car (I don’t do cars, I have no idea what it is) and there’s some to and fro about missed payments presumably to give him a motive for narc-ing on Sally. As the repo man drives off, two heavies approach and demand their vig. Ron burbles about getting masters made for an album, but they’re not impressed. Apparently not only is he in hock to the mob, and had his car repossessed, but he’s been served with an eviction notice. Hmm, that $10,000 isn’t going to be enough. I think the plot may be about to thicken.

But first the comedy stylings of the two thugs who cheerfully tell him that a broken kneecap doesn’t have to be the same disabling injury it used to be! Now with just 6 or 7 operations he’ll only have a slight limp!

They find a suspiciously large wad of cash in his wallet and tell him they’ll be back for the rest tomorrow. As Ron turns back to his soon to be former-residence, Sally arrives in a cab with Kate, because Sally is all about god awful decisions.

Inside the house, Sally wonders if she should give Kate back. Ron immediately says that of course she should give Kate back. Buuuut then he thinks about it and asks if Sally has told anyone about her “little windfall.” I mean, technically it’s not an incorrect use of “windfall” but it doesn’t make Sally think twice and it really should. Sally confirms that she hasn’t and, because she’s an idiot, eagerly asks if this means that Ron will help her.

At district station four, Jack asks Carl if there’s any word on Kate. Carl says that there haven’t been any demands, which isn’t what Jack asked and also seems unlikely. Midnight Caller has a pretty realistic view of how much the general public can be dicks. I bet with any high-profile kidnapping at least one asshole pretends to be the kidnapper to get money. Rebecca, who is amazingly calm, asks what it means and speculates that Sally is genuinely demented. Then she insists that Kate needs to get to a doctor, because apparently it’s BABIES CAN GET DIABETES AND IT’S BAD week at NBC. Jack tells her that he knows it’s hard, but she needs to try and focus on something else.

I guess Gary Cole really offended the hairdresser somehow because holy crap.

Rebecca, finally, LOSES HER SHIT at him, and she damn well should. What a ridiculously stupid thing to say to a woman whose sick baby has been kidnapped. Jack at least is smart enough not to say anything, and after a few seconds Rebecca calms down and apologises. I really like that they’ve chosen to have Rebecca be played as a controlled, calm, and possibly slightly cold person. It’s a really interesting change to the obvious choice of someone hysterical and vulnerable. Plus, you never hear anything about Kate’s dad beyond Carl asking if there’s a problem with him. Rebecca isn’t shamed or interrogated about being a single mum, which isn’t a big thing now but in the late 80s/early 90s it was definitely An Issue.

Jack asks if she got any sleep and gently encourages her to some self-care. Rebecca agrees and goes to splash some water on her face. Jack pulls his patented “I Blame Myself” eyes closed and head back thing, as Carl quietly says that things don’t look good for Kate. Jack says he wouldn’t wish what she’s going through on his worst enemy.

Ron, wearing an amazing feat of tailoring that combines trench coat with airplane hangar, sits down on a bench next to Elton, our old friend from “Bank Job,” you know, the kid who sells guns? A huge bruiser, Diego, lurks nearby. Elton, who apparently knows that Ron is managing a band, thinks that Ron might like a $20,000 synthesizer, among other things. Holy crap, my sister and I both had synthesizers and I can’t even imagine what one that expensive would look like. The organ at Unseen University?

Alert! Alert! The wardrobe department has gone completely rogue.

Ron says that he’s not buying, he’s selling. Elton sneers that he’s not in the market for “blown speakers,” heh. Ron says that he hears there’s a big market in babies and Elton looks genuinely aghast for a moment before rallying and saying that it better be a white baby as there’s “no market for babies of colour.” Wow. That is Veep level cold. Also, not true. Elton takes a moment to “no offence” Diego, who still looks pretty offended. Call the cops, Diego, there’s a $10K reward!

Elton says that he can find a good pair of parents. If “good” includes a willingness to “adopt” a baby brokered by a teenager who sells guns and stolen merchandise. He says that he’ll get more money if the baby has papers, and Ron says he can meet the mother. What? How does he think he’s going to sell this to Sally? And does Ron not know about the diabetes? The fact that Elton clearly has no idea there’s a kidnapped baby in the city just tells me that the police have done a terrible job of publicizing the case. Bad Carl!

They bicker over money and Elton says it’ll take a couple of days, Ron gives him 24 hours. What’re you doing, Ron? Turn Sally in! Don’t go dragging Elton, Diego, and a couple of desperate people into your scheme.

A doctor in a hospital is checking charts while listening to the radio. Devon is repeating the offer of a reward for info on Kate. Except now she plays a clip of Sally’s voice that they apparently secretly recorded, and asks people to call in if they recognise the voice. The doctor immediately recognises the voice and asks a nurse to pull the file on “Sally Porter.” Damn, dude, you are GOOD.

A Rolls Royce pulls up in a car park. Okay, those I can recognise. A driver opens the back door and an older man in a heavy overcoat gets out. Elton greets him as “Mr Drude” and says that he’s going to law school himself – which is both hilarious, if a steal from Hill Street Blues – and quite efficient exposition. Mr Drude isn’t as polite and offers $15K for “the item.” Elton, addressing him as “Paul” says that’s “chump change.” I was wondering how Elton and Drude might know each other but that “Paul” is giving me some worrying ideas. They bicker over money and settle on $22,500 provided that the baby has “sufficient health, light skin, and some kind of history.” I know that adoption is a PITA but surely if you can afford a lawyer who drives a freaking Rolls Royce you could do this all above board.

Elton promises that Kate will have all three as he trusts Ron with his life and Drude sneers that’s just what he’s doing. Yeah, Drude, whatever. The teenager with a giant bodyguard and a car full of guns is frightened of you.

Carl has received a call from the doctor, yay. He’s very excited as he begins organised warrants etc for Sally Porter.

Mr Drude walks down a busy street with an older couple, the Larkins. She’s wearing a fur coat, so that’s a thing. The would-be-father says that he’s unhappy with taking the baby from a third-party and wants to meet the birth mother. So, they apparently think this is on the level, if slightly sleazy. Ugh, so we have to feel bad that they’re going to have their hopes of parenthood dashed because of their terrible choice of lawyer.

The Larkins are worried that the birth mother might change her mind “at the airport” so they’ve been spun quite a story. Drude promises that no birth mother he’s dealt with has ever changed her mind. Either he’s never done this before, I hope, or he’s in the habit of bumping off those birth mums.

And they’re paying him $50K! Damn. No wonder he’s rolling around in a Rolls Royce.

As this is happening, the police are raiding Sally’s house. With Jack. Who I’m sure should not be there. Unfortunately, as we know, Sally and Kate are at Ron’s house. Some cops get sent to talk to the neighbours, but Rebecca, who also probably shouldn’t be there, finds a little woollen hat which she says is Kate’s. There’s some kind of medical book on the floor open to the section on juvenile diabetes and Rebecca, with red-rimmed eyes, says that they’re too late. Jack promises her that there’s still time. Yeah, Rebecca, you’re only 20 minutes into the episode. There’s definitely time.

Carl and Jack check out the posters on Sally’s wall: they’re for a local band called “Stooge,” jeez. Jack wonders if she has a “playmate” in the band. Jack sometimes has the oddest dialogue. Carl says they should go and talk to them.

Ron tells Sally that it’s a done deal, a friend will take Kate back to her mother and Sally will be in the clear. Except for the part where Sally will continue to hear pleas to return Kate and know that he lied. God, Ron is dumb.

Outside Sally’s house, Jack is trying to keep the conversation light with Rebecca. He tells her that he used to spend a lot of time hanging around in doorways waiting for something to happen. Alas, Rebecca doesn’t ask when he decided to stop being a rent boy, but instead lets him ramble on about how helpful donuts are because donuts are one of the four major food groups, along with coffee, beer, and cigarettes.

Thanks, Jack. Now I want a donut.

Jack takes out a cigarette and Rebecca shuts that shit down with a look. Rebecca is awesome. Jack sheepishly puts the cigarette away and says he’s trying to quit.

“Is a sheepish look enough to offset my hair?” “…Maybe?”

Rebecca says she used to think she was pretty tough, but she was wrong. Jack says that anyone would be struggling with the last couple of days. But she didn’t mean that, she meant Kate taking over her life. Well, duh. That’s what those little assholes do.

Carl joins them and says that Sally Porter has no record and the neighbours say she lived alone. Rebecca says she almost feels sorry for her. Carl is confused by this depiction of a complex human being. Rebecca clarifies that she feels sorry for her and wants to kill her. Jack is baffled by the idea of ambivalence.

Sally hands Kate over to Ron and doesn’t find it at all odd that this transfer supposedly to the mom is happening in a car lot. Elton arrives and meets Ron. Elton proves he has a better understanding of children than both Ron and Sally by immediately pointing out that Kate doesn’t look very well. Similarly, when Kate is handed over to Diego the hulking brute immediately starts grinning and pulling faces at her. The producers of the show tried to launch a spin-off with Jack’s brother and dad, but honestly Elton and his crew are much more interesting than either of them.  Unfortunately, Ron is able to persuade Elton to take Kate despite Elton’s clear misgivings about the mother not being there and there being no paperwork. Ron returns to the car and tells the weeping Sally that it’s all over and it’s going to be champagne and roses from now on.

Um, Ron, did you forget that you got a measly $10K from Elton? $10K that you promised to hand over to the mafia goons and that you still are getting evicted?

Hey, also, didn’t Ron’s car get repossessed? What gives, show?

Carl and Jack are climbing some stairs. Carl explains that Sally had a boyfriend, Ronald Strangers. Damn, with a name like he was always doomed to go bad. Jack, sounding very nasal for some reason, tells Carl that he’s good at this detective thing and he should quit his job and do it full time. Jack and Rebecca watch the police smash down Ronald’s door. That seems a little premature but okay. Rebecca asks Jack if he ever misses “it” and Jack clarifies that he doesn’t enjoy kicking doors in and getting shot at. Of course he doesn’t miss it, he still does that on a regular basis. And he does it without needing a warrant and with a much better salary.

The cops bust in and hey, guess who they find? The mafia goons! They claim that they’re friends visiting from out of town and that Ron’s gone out for pizza. I don’t know why that’s funny. Maybe it’s their delivery, or Carl rolling his eyes in response. He doesn’t know who they are, but Jack does! Vince and Vincent. Oh man. They also know who Jack is. Small world. There’s some back and forth and then Rebecca appears to say that Kate had been there and that they’d been feeding Kate commercial food which is “full of sugar, her blood sugar will go wild, and she’ll go into a coma.” The loan sharks who, remember have no idea about any of this, look genuinely freaked out.

Jack and Carl tell them that they think the loan sharks know where Ron is and if they help, well, no harm, no foul. But if they don’t then they’re accessories to kidnapping. There’s some wildly faulty logic there like, if they knew where Ron was why would they be lurking in his apartment? But okay. The loan sharks say that they know a couple of hours ago Ron paid $10K for masters of songs that he had recorded but that before that he was “down to cab fare.” Furthermore, they’ve worked out that “his life is leased, he has nothing of his own to sell.” Why is it in this show that criminals are frequently better detectives than the police?

Carl asks if Strangers has a deal in place to sell the tapes, nope, he’s burned too many people. “But in LA, standards are not too high.” I like Vince and Vincent. They’re rotten but they’re funny and they’re competent.

Sally is packing up to go to LA with Ron. She moans that people there are so weird. She seems to have completely gotten over her tears about Kate.

Another car lot this time at night. Drude is waiting for Elton to hand over Kate. Kate is still crying, but somehow Elton is in remarkably good spirits despite dealing with a constantly crying baby for what must be hours. Drude complains that Kate is burning up and Elton lies that he spoke to the mother and it’s just a touch of the flu. Drude gives him an address to take Kate for medical care. Elton complains that deliveries were not in the deal, but agrees. They bicker a bit and Elton walks off, to hopefully, get Kate some medical attention.

On Midnight Caller, Billy takes a call from Devon about putting “it” on a playlist rotation. He tells Jack that “it” is going to be on 2x an hour, but in an uncharacteristically firm tone of voice. Of all the times Billy could usefully throw his weight around he picks instead one where Jack was 100% not going to argue.

Dramatic face is dramatic

Jack issues an update on the kidnapping, naming Ronald Strangers and Sally Porter as suspects. He reiterates that Kate now has less than 24 hours to live.

Daytime and Jack’s update is playing on the radio still. So, I guess KJCM is playing it throughout every show. You’d think they’d have the host or DJ of each show do that, but the show frequently seems to forget that Jack isn’t the sole broadcaster working there. Ron wanders over to the car as Sally listens to Jack’s update. She gasps that she’d gave Kate back just as Ron gets in the car. Ron doesn’t hear her though and she doesn’t immediately confront him. Instead, she asks to get out and make a phone call. There’s some back and forth before she accuses him of lying, and he hits her. They’re parked up in a convertible with the top down, there are people all around them, and they’re struggling violently. Nobody comes over to see what’s going on.

Elton parks up and takes Kate into what looks like a church. They hand her over to an older man who clarifies that he’s not a doctor but “the deputy coroner.” Oh dear. He is immediately concerned and insists that it doesn’t look like the colic that Elton claims. Diego gets his first line, insisting that the deputy coroner take good care of her. He then repeats this several times when he doesn’t get the response he’s looking for. He ends up grabbing Elton by the throat and pinning him to the wall. Save that for Ron, Diego.

Devon is taking a call from a woman claiming to have Kate but who, when asked for more details, whines “it’s just a kid!” People suck. Devon hangs up and collapses back in her sofa. Sally wanders into Devon’s office, because KJCM is the most ridiculously insecure building ever. Sally moans that Devon has to help her, because Ron will hurt her if he finds her again. Go to the police, you ditz. Devon stands up and Sally backs away, saying that Ron promised he was returning the baby. Sally is looking pretty beaten up.

Sally says she thinks that Ron sold the baby to “the man at the garage.” Well, that narrows it down.

Instead of giving Kate medical attention, the deputy coroner is forging a birth certificate. Diego is not going to be pleased.

In his office, Carl is stuffing his face while complaining that looking for Ron is a nightmare due to the number of record companies in LA. Jack’s guess that there are 50-100, is slightly out, as there are more than 500. Oops.

Devon asks Sally what Elton looked like. Of all the descriptors that she could choose, she goes with “a boy.” She also says he was driving an expensive car and was accompanied by “a huge black man” who “looked like he was made in a machine shop” who she heard Elton address as Diego. Sally has amazingly good hearing apparently.

A really strange shot of Jack and Carl’s waists accompany Devon telling them on speaker phone about Sally’s call. Jack has his hand on his hip, because that’s one of Gary Cole’s little mannerisms. Somehow from Sally’s incredibly vague description Carl realises that she’s talking about “Elton Strawberry, like the fruit, and Diego…” “Rogers” Jack supplies. How either of them know Elton or Diego is unclear. Elton appeared in “Bank Job” but only in scenes with the robbers, neither Jack nor Carl was ever aware he was involved. Because, say it with me, in this show the criminals are so much more competent than the cops.

Jack starts to wander away and at Carl’s prompting says that he’s going to work.

Shots of empty coffins as Kate cries. Damn, show. I know you’re not going to kill her, because even “gritty” 90s dramas weren’t “kill a baby” gritty, but that’s still upsetting. The deputy coroner lays Kate down and in his best “creepy coroner” voice tells her that he doesn’t know what’s wrong with her as he mostly works with the dead. Shudder.

Shots of San Francisco as Jack opens his show. He says that he wants to discuss an “enterprising young man” called Elton Strawberry. Who is presumably going to enterprisingly sue the station very shortly. After calling Elton “small for his age” (burn) Jack says that Elton is a sharp dresser “if you like primary colours.” People who live in ridiculously tight jeans, half open shirts, and overlarge leather jackets shouldn’t throw stones, Jack. As we cut to the snitch, Harris, from “Trash Radio” we hear Jack say that unfortunately Elton is “shy” which is a shame as Jack is looking for him regarding the Katherine Weir kidnapping and would appreciate people calling in if they know where he is. Wait, she’s Katherine now? She’s been Kate previously. Also, WTF Jack? Way to tip Elton off before Carl gets to him. Devon, in one of her random visits to Billy’s booth, sarcastically asks if they’re making “Most Wanted” announcements now. Honestly Devon, given the increasingly bizarre things that happen that wouldn’t even make the top ten.

7^th street, and Elton and Diego get into Elton’s car. Harris the Snitch sees this and runs to a pay phone. Music plays as Elton cruises along and then Harris calls in to Jack giving Elton’s current address as Haige Street. We get a montage set to “Heard it Through the Grape Vine” of people spotting the car and calling in. This is like the original viral marketing. I wonder if the listeners at home are following on maps or are just baffled at what has happened to the talk radio show. And where are the police? What’s the point of following Elton all over the city if he’s never stopped and questioned?

Harris the Snitch is giving Elton stiff competition in the “most baffling costume” stakes.

In the back of the car, Elton is rocking away to music.

Jack continues to snark about Elton, “he’s not old enough to vote but he’s got a Lincoln and a Rolex watch” as Devon and Billy get very enthused answering the phones.

This is a long montage.

A female cab driver calls in and says that she’s behind Elton as he’s heading for something called the Embarcadero. Devon says that she’s hired for the evening. The cabbie warns that’s going to cost “a lot of bread, lady” and Devon insists that she’s good for it and will pay personally tomorrow.

The cabbie tracks Elton back to “567 Webster” which, for some reason, everyone assumes is his and that he’s just going to stay there. So just like that the chase is off. Thanks for playing San Francisco!

Then Jack calls Vincent and asks him if he’d like to “wipe the slate clean” by meeting him at Elton’s house in 15 minutes. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JACK? WHY ARE YOU CALLING ON MOBSTERS FOR BACK-UP RATHER THAN THE POLICE?

This show. Jeez.

For some reason, Elton and Diego are futzing around the car even though it’s been at least 15 minutes since they arrived. Jack and the mob boys roll out of the darkness looking genuinely quite threatening. Elton sarcastically says that if they mess with him and Diego “you better bring your lunch.” I genuinely have NO idea what that means. Learn better threats, Elton.

Jack says he’s surprised that Elton is stupid enough to broker a “hot baby.” That is not a good phrase to throw around. What was wrong with “kidnapped baby”? Elton initially claims not to have any idea what Jack’s talking about, as he doesn’t read papers or listen to the radio. I don’t know, Elton is weird, but he seems genuine enough. When Jack spells out that he’s going to be accused of conspiracy to commit kidnapping and possibly murder, Elton freaks out. He insists that he saw the mother and was just helping her out. He asks Diego to step in, which is why Jack should have brought the police, and hilariously Diego refuses and walks away. Um, you’re as guilty as Elton is, Diego.

Jack says “gentlemen” and Vince and Vincent grab Elton. Jack pulls a gun from Elton’s pocket. Elton claims it’s a “demo model.” Well, he does sell guns. Jack introduces the mobsters to Elton and says that Ron Strangers owes them $30K. They know that Ron gave Elton “a little collateral.” Jack, who is supposed to be the good guy, says that he’s the only thing standing between Elton and their “displeasure.”

Okay, I get that time is running out, but Elton is nineteen and, again, Jack could’ve handed all this over to the cops, hours ago. Instead he’s running around doing a Lucas Buck impersonation, years before American Gothic was a thing. It’s very disconcerting.

Elton, unsurprisingly, is not thrilled with this approach and the mobsters actually start hurting him. Jack finally gets around to asking Elton where the baby is, and Elton gives up Paul Drude and the location in San Rafael.

Sunrise, and Jack wakes up Carl to tell him that he’s on his way to pick up Dr Weir. Oh good, yeah. That’s a great idea. What if the baby is already dead, Jack? What if Rebecca just snaps and murders Drude with her bare hands? Carl says he’ll call the local police and that Jack shouldn’t do anything stupid.

Too late! Jack is in the back of Elton’s car with Elton driving. So, basically Jack’s kidnapped Elton under the threat of the mobsters. Sure, why not.

At the mortuary, Drude brings in the Larkins to pick up Kate. He makes small talk about “haha picking up a baby from a mortuary, but those people have babies too.” The Larkins say that they were worried about carrying the money in cash.

$50,000 in CASH? Okay, you people have to know that this baby is not being legally adopted. So there goes any sympathy I had.

Drude says that Kate has a bit of a cold. HA.

Shot of the bay and then Elton’s car driving across the bridge. They’ve picked up Rebecca and Elton is trying to excuse himself to Rebecca. Jack snaps that this is not “a business, it’s a kid! Get it?”

At the mortuary Kate is handed over to the Larkins. If you guessed that she’s still crying then you’re right. Mrs Larkin immediately says that there’s something badly wrong with her. Drude tries to pass it off as a cold and also tries to hustle them out, because he’s a fucking idiot. They know your name. If they baby dies I am damn sure they will be coming after you. Anyway, Mr Larkin says he paid 50K and he’ll take as much time as he damn well wants.

Elton parks up outside the mortuary and Jack rudely insists that he wait. He then tells Rebecca to wait in the car. She is, understandably, having none of that. Which is why you shouldn’t have brought her with you, Jack. Duh. He insists, and she agrees much too quickly.  

Inside it’s all going south. The deputy coroner produces his forged birth certificate just as Jack arrives and announces there’s a lot of people looking for the baby. There’s some back and forth with Jack repeatedly referring to Kate as “stolen.” She’s not a TV, Jack. Mrs Larkin is suspicious of who Jack is and why she should believe him. All together – this is why you should have brought the police, Jack.

“I… did not think this through.”

Rebecca Weir enters and, oh look, she has a gun. She calmly insists that she wants her baby and then, walking over, hands the gun to a stunned Jack with a “would you hold this, please?”

Rebecca is amazing.

She tells the equally stunned Mr Larkin than Kate is diabetic and needs her insulin. Well, at least she’s not calling it “special medicine” anymore.

While all this is going on, Drude tries to sneak off. Jack, who is still holding the gun, says that it will “tear a hole in the side of a Buick.” Drude asks if that’s a threat. Jack says noooo, that would be dumb in front of all these witnesses. He’s just providing information.

Good luck with that in court.

Rebecca picks up Kate and cuddles her.

Drude is taken away by the cops as Rebecca hands Kate over to a paramedic. Somehow neither she nor Jack have been arrested for waving that gun around. She kisses Jack’s cheek and whispers her thanks, before getting in the ambulance with Kate.

“Please get a haircut.”

There’s also no sign of Elton, which is admittedly a strange thing to want closure on but there you go. What happened to Elton, show? Hell, what happened to Ron and Sally? You know, the actual kidnappers?

Bah.

On Midnight Caller, Jack says that Kate is back home. She recovered from that near coma quickly, show.

End Credits!

Chapter Text

This recap is cursed I freaking swear. Here’s the thing, I already wrote about half of this recap but the USB drive on my keychain snapped off the chain and… well. It might be that it’s a bin somewhere or it might be that someone has it and is baffled to know why anyone is writing Midnight Caller recaps.

Hey ho.

Very eighties music plays while a smiling, faux affable man and his partners rob a security van. One partner is shot escaping. The robber pads money into an envelope and posts it while his (living) partner exposits that Walker is dead. Robber helpfully (and baffling) replies that “it” will all be over by noon tomorrow. Partner is having some trouble with conscience and robber tells him to keep his eyes on the prize.

Credits! (Before credits scene with no Jack or other regulars? Shocking!)

Annie Driscoll, waving around a white stick like a weapon, arrives home. The doorman Carlos greets her and exposits that a) he collects her post for her and b) her reader has cancelled again. Annie sighs that this keeps happening, and wishes him a goodnight.

On Midnight Caller, Billy is playing the silly sod and puts through “Sam” who turns out to be a heavy breathing woman who makes a lot of innuendo about “coming up in the ratings” etc. Jack plays along until Sam tells him that to make it really big, he needs to marry Robin Givens. Jack says not while Mike Tyson is alive, and switches to Annie who he says is up past her bedtime. He and Annie flirt a little bit and she begs him not to marry Robin Givens.

Poor Robin Givens, what did she do to deserve being the butt of these jokes?

Anyway, the basic takeaway is that Annie is a long-time caller/listener and her hearing is acute enough to realise that Jack has stopped smoking (drink!). But not acute enough her to stop her initially mistaking what is clearly a struggle from her neighbour’s apartment as him having “a hell of a good time.” She and Jack realise that there’s a problem and he offers to have Billy call the cops, but she says she’ll take care of it. She “takes care of it” by blundering into the furniture, knocking something over, and screaming loud enough that she’s heard in the apartment next door by the robber.

As Annie calls the phone, the robber puts the dead neighbour into a wheelchair, covers him in a blanket, and wheels him into the elevator. A drunk, muttering about twenty dollars, gets into the elevator and seems to realise that something is wrong, but doesn’t do anything about it.

The cops show up at Annie’s, and she makes sure to check their badges. She tells them what she heard, that her neighbour’s name is Bob Riley, and gives them a key. While they’re next door making a probably illegal search, Annie is getting the crap scared out of her by “Mrs Bigelow” who demands to know why the police are there, and then stays to drink Annie’s tea and generally be nosy.

The police operate with the general efficiency that the show has taught us to expect from San Francisco’s finest, and patronisingly tell Annie that they didn’t find any sign of a struggle and nobody is home. Annie is pretty ticked off, insisting that she knows she heard a murder, even when she called them she was much less sure. Mrs Bigelow scurries after the police, presumably after more gossip, and Annie mutters that she’s “an old bitch.” HA.

Annie calls back to Midnight Caller and Billy puts her through. Jack says that he was worried about her. (Aww.) Annie says that she hopes he doesn’t think she’s one of the “crazies” who call him. Way to shame your fellow callers, Annie. Did radio shows have fandoms? I like to imagine people running Yahoo groups about whether Jack should date Devon or calling him shooting Rusty a conspiracy.

Anyhow, Jack assures Annie that he doesn’t think she’s a crazy. (But he does seem to have assumed that she’s pretty old.) Annie says that the police didn’t believe her, and says that she needs to see Jack. Then she puts the phone down without giving him an address or a time or anything.

The robber pushes Bob (and his wheelchair) into a body of water, while making Godfather references. Then he calls someone else and says that Bob was “holding out” on him and must be working with someone else. I’ve watched this episode at least four times and I still can’t work out WTF this plot is about. Anyway, robber says that he’s working on it, and we see that he’s circled an advert in the paper.

Carlos the doorman is watching cartoons and generally being terrible at his job. The robber wanders in and says that his name is Chandler and he just sublet the Norris apartment. Remember that, because Carlos sure doesn’t. Chandler says he wants to pick up his mail and asks about parcels and “bulk items.” Presumably he thinks that the money he posted hasn’t arrived yet? Again, this part of his evil scheme is very unclear.

Annie wanders in and tells Carlos that “Mr Killian” will be there in a few minutes. She’ll be lucky. Jack is notoriously bad at time keeping even when he knows where and when he’s supposed to be.

Jack wanders in from another direction and sends Jack up without checking his ID or anything.

Jack arrives at Annie’s, and is openly astonished that she’s an attractive 40-ish woman. Annie goes into her hideous kitchen to make coffee while Jack wanders into the living room and pokes at her stuff. We know he does this because he bellows to her, “is this what you do for a living?”

Annie sardonically tells him that he’s going to have to be more precise, and Jack berates himself, even though honestly that would still be true even if she had 20/20 vision. Annie exposits that she uses a computer with a voice synthesiser. There are several faintly embarrassing moments while the show goes out of it’s way to tell us that blind people can use computers and do spreadsheets. Frankly I’d be MUCH more surprised if Jack could do either of those things than Annie.

Jack asks her to tell him why she thinks she heard a murder. Annie says that she’s a good judge of character because she has to be (literally nobody every thinks that they’re a bad judge of character, Annie.) She says that has to rely on telling a lot about a person from their voice. She says the robber’s voice was “cold, brutal” and that he was capable of anything. And yet she completely fails to recognise his voice later on.

Could've brushed your hair, Jack, even if she can't see it. 

She tells Jack that she heard a head smash against a wall, and then someone choking. She asks if he’s ever heard anyone murdered and he says no. I get distracted trying to remember if anyone gets murdered while they’re on the phone to Jack. There’s a suicide, definitely. In the very next episode, actually.

Jack totally fails to tell Annie to get therapy for this trauma, and instead starts asking about Bob Riley. He’s a confirmed bachelor who keeps his place neat as a pin. There’s some stuff about Bob’s mother, I guess to try to make us care about his brutal murder, but it’s irrelevant.

“Chandler” wanders over to talk to Carlos. I don’t know if he actually did rent the Norris apartment or if he’s just saying that, because Carlos never bothered to check. Worst doorman ever.  “Chandler” asks about “Driscoll” getting their mail put aside and Carlos tells “Chandler” that Annie lives alone and is blind. Way to go, Carlos.

Jack is in Bob’s apartment poking around. He phones Annie (even though we know he could call through the wall) and starts tapping the wall, so Annie can say where she heard the noise. It’s all very imprecise and Jack should know better.

Jack joins Carl at a crime scene. (So many C names in this episode.) Carl is completely chill about letting Jack wander past the police tape. It’s the “layoff man” (Walker?) from the robbery, although they haven’t identified him yet. Jack asks Carl if he spoke to the cop who visited Annie. Carl is dismissive, but Jack defends her. Carl asks if he has any proof. Jack sarcastically says that he didn’t find a smoking gun or a body in the ice box. That would be a huge ice box. But he has something better than that. He has a feeling that someone died in the room.

They bicker about it for a while, with Jack wanting a forensics team sent, and Carl retorting that he has three dead armed guards and $5 million missing in bearer bonds. So, I guess anyone in SF wanting to commit a murder should just wait until there’s been a big robbery because the police will be completely distracted. Got it.

 Back at Annie’s house, she has a caller. She asks who it is because despite all her claims about her great hearing and ability to judge a person by their voice, she doesn’t recognise “Chandler.” He does a bad job of convincingly pretending to be a cop, and even less convincingly picking up when she mentions Jack, but she lets him in anyway. She asks if they’ve met because his voice is familiar. He gives her a fake name, Harry Stevens, sneers that she’s unforgettable, and begins rooting through her stuff. Annie finally twigs who this is but instead of making a run for it or calling for help she honestly answers his question about what she heard. He gets in close and threatening and asks if she recognised the other voice. Annie nervously lies that she couldn’t make it out because the walls are too thick.

Jack arrives outside Annie’s apartment building and holds the door open for Old Bitch Mrs Bigelow, who calls him “young man.” He’s not twenty, lady. Jack, and his sunglasses, enter the apartment building.

Back in Annie’s apartment, Carlos buzzes Annie to say that Jack is on his way up just as “Chandler” notices the envelope he’s looking for in Annie’s wastepaper bin. At least I assume that’s the point of zooming in on it. “Chandler” is torn between staying and grabbing the envelope and avoiding being spotted by Jack, but decides to make a run for it. He tells Annie he might come back. Annie is now emboldened by Jack’s imminent arrival and pressures “Chandler” to know if he’s officer, sergeant, or lieutenant. He randomly goes with sergeant, because I guess why not at this point. She tries to catch him out by asking if he knew Jack when he was on the force, and he smoothly says, “everyone knows Jack,” which I can easily believe is actually true. If I had a former co-worker who was a) on the radio being a “bad boy”, b) always turning up and interfering with work being done and c) frequently in the papers and news due to a and b then EVERYONE would know that asshole.

Anyway, “Chandler” avoids Jack, who scolds Annie when she lets him in, because she didn’t ask who it was. Annie points out that the bad guy just left already. Annie briefs him and Jack calls Carl to check if there’s a “Harry Stevens” on the force, “just to be sure.” Pfft. Carl confirms there’s no Harry Stevens, and Jack asks Annie to pack a bag. She doesn’t want to leave her home as she’s “blind everywhere else.”

Nonetheless, the next scene shows Jack and Annie arriving at what I thought was a hotel, but turns out to be the (presumably insanely expensive) apartment complex where Devon lives. Yay, Devon! Jack gently teases Annie about the amount of luggage that she has, we don’t all live in jeans and t-shirts like you, Jack. I mean, I do, but Annie doesn’t. Annie says choices in clothing are “imperative; couture capture mood and moment.” Which is a lovely line but since this is the cusp of the 90s the couture isn’t capturing anything you’d probably want to keep.

Jack is again embarrassingly “golly gee whizz” about Annie keeping track of where doors and elevators are. Annie tells him that he’s surprised because he can see and “sight is a poor substitute for clear and precise thinking.” Ha. Burn. Annie is hilarious.

Devon answers the door and the girls exchange pleasantries. Devon is of course extremely gracious while Jack gets stuck carrying the luggage inside. Gary Cole would like us to believe that Annie’s luggage is full of bowling balls or possibly blocks of cement.

Back at Annie’s apartment building, Carlos compliments “Chandler” on his bouquet of flowers. Oh, you boys, just go get drinks or something. “Chandler” manages to parlay claiming the flowers are for Annie into asking Carlos where she is. It would be quite neatly done except Annie is not dumb enough to have told Carlos where she was going. Doh! Foiled again.

And then the editor ran away giggling, I guess. 

Annie tells Devon that her apartment is very beautiful while Gary Cole apparently gets completely distracted by something out of shot. He stares at it for at least a couple of seconds, looks up and down, frowns in confusion, and then suddenly remembers what he’s supposed to be doing. Late night, dude? Annie is worried that she’ll knock over one of Devon’s vases, which is a fair concern since there seem to be LOADS of the things. Devon says that they’ve survived earthquakes and her own clumsiness, which is clearly nonsense. If she’d said they’d survived Jack visiting I would’ve believed her. Jack helpfully says that if Annie does smash any ornaments not to worry, as Devon has crazy glue. They bicker a little bit cutely and then Annie ruins the mood by saying she hates being run out of her own apartment.

You know, there are a number of times when a female character has to leave her apartment and Jack protects her. This is the only one I can think of where there’s absolutely no romantic interaction between her and Jack. No even a kiss. I don’t know whether it’s because the actress is a few years older or because the character is blind, but the show does have a bit of a history assuming that people who are differently abled are incapable of romantic interactions.

They rehash the whole thing of “Chandler” searching the apartment and Annie gets a little upset at being grilled about it yet again.

Meanwhile, “Chandler” is searching Annie’s apartment. He finds the envelope, but it’s empty. Boy, Mrs Brownlow being a nosy PITA might have been useful when someone was breaking into apartments, huh?

Devon tests Annie on her knowledge of getting around the apartment. Jack asks where the laundry room is, only for Annie to be surprised as there isn’t a laundry room in the apartment. Jack teases Devon for being too upmarket to have a laundry room in her apartment, and she lightly says that the laundry room is downstairs. That seems the wrong way around. Surely a more upmarket apartment would have its own laundry rather than sharing facilities with the hoi polloi. But what do I know? In my country most people have their washing machines in the kitchen. What’s this laundry room business? Anyway, somehow this discussion of laundry ends up with Devon telling jack that her socks are folded, not starched, and Gary Cole whips out his very best Pepe Le Pew accent to tease her about folding her socks. Why is folding socks a French thing? I have no idea. But Devon seems to find it hilarious. Jack stands up and pulls him jacket on, advising the ladies not to overdose on the Haagen Daaz. (I have fond memories of renting The Brady Bunch Movie and eating a whole tub of HD ice cream, heh.) Devon asks where he’s going, and he points out that he has things to do like… his job, remember? Devon seems rather disappointed. Was she hoping for a sleepover?

While 90s thriller music plays, Annie puts her suitcase away. Um, okay, show. Whatever.

On Midnight Caller, Billy greets callers. “Chandler” calls in from a phone box across the street. He claims to be “Richie” from Birlingame (?) who wants to talk about personal safety. Hey, remember when Jack had specific topics to discuss instead of some free for all? Anyway, a car pulls up outside KJCM and “Chandler” gawps at it, just as he gets put through to Jack (who is having his one of his rare Nighthawk moments.) Seems like there should be more of a wait than that but okay. Devon and Annie get out of the car, because reasons? Jack calls “Richie” a couple of times but “Chandler” is completely oblivious, so Jack goes to Tanya instead. Judging by the expressions that Jack pulls and his opening gambit of “Tanya, this isn’t some startling new information on the Simbonese Liberation Army, is it?” I’m guessing that Tanya is another regular caller. I know that the show is basically a crime/social issues show with a talk radio skin, but I wish they’d made a bit more of the regular callers. They’re more interesting than the secondary and tertiary characters they tried to shoehorn in like Javier etc.

Annie and Devon are approaching Jack’s studio while outside “Chandler” is crossing the road. Wow. How bad was the traffic that it took him that long?

Devon makes me cringe by riffing on how many phrases there are that depend on vision: I’m looking forward, it depends on your point of view etc. Devon tells Annie that Jack is waving at them through the window, so they wave back and then Annie asks if she’s making Devon uncomfortable. Annie kindly lets Devon off the hook, and the go into Billy’s booth just as he’s going back on air after a break. The sound levels are a bit out of whack, so we can hear Devon, Annie, and Billy at about the same volume as Jack chatting on air to someone who wants advice. My advice is don’t ask Jack for his advice.

Wait, Jack’s conversation seems to be someone talking about a news report of a contract put out to kill someone? What the hell advice is he asking Jack for, bullet calibre? As Devon gives Annie directions to the bathroom, Jack tells “Brad” to call an 0800 number because “misery loves company.”

Oh, I see what’s happened here. They’ve mashed together two completely different conversations that Jack’s had and hoped that nobody would notice. Hmm.

Suddenly it's warm enough that he doesn't need a jumper!

Annie goes to the bathroom and “Chandler” follows her in. FFS Devon, get some security at your radio station. Didn’t the woman with the gun running around in the first episode teach you that?

As Annie finishes the world’s fastest pee, “Chandler” stands on a toilet bowl, and then a cleaner comes in. Well, that’s the best I can tell. The director has decided that, in addition to the generic 90s thriller music, he’s going to shoot this scene entirely from floor level. All we see are feet.

Back in the studio, Jack seems rather irritated by a call from Don, who apparently believes that a good deed never goes unpunished. Cheery. Jack goes to an ad break and mutters “that guy is on mushrooms.” See, don’t you wish we could’ve heard some of that conversation instead of watching a bunch of shoes mill around a restroom?

“Chandler” is going through a bunch of paperwork. I guess he’s rifling through Devon’s desk? He finds an envelope with Devon’s personal address on which I guess is all he wanted. Jeez dude, look in the phonebook. Or just follow her home.

Rather than having a fun fan experience, Jack is telling Annie to “think hard: what could he possibly want?” JFC, you’ve asked her this like 20 times. Just leave the poor woman alone. Devon agrees with me. Jack asks if she’s had any unusual phone calls or mail. Annie explains that she might’ve had weird mail, she doesn’t know as her reader hasn’t been in. So instead she took her mail to Devon’s house.

So, if I’m understanding this right: this whole issue is because Carlos accidentally gave Annie some of Bob’s mail. Bob being beaten up and murdered, Annie being terrorised, etc, is all because Carlos sucks at his job. Gotcha.

Speaking of Bob, he’s being dredged from the river. Look at that, the SFPD actually doing something in a timely fashion. Carl is issuing orders and being sarcastic to uniformed officers. (When one asks if Bob jumped, Carl says yeah, he jumped. He caved in the back of his head and strangled himself on the way down. In his wheelchair.) The world’s fastest scene of crime officer provides Carl with an ID from Bob’s pocket, and Carl recognises the name.

As Jack’s night of a thousand crazy calls continues, someone is currently ranting about the FBI and John Tower(?), Carl arrives.

Back at Devon’s, Annie decides she needs a glass of water. Devon starts to offer to get it and then realises that Annie get it herself. Well, that was a scene worth including.

Carl has arrived at KJCM to tell Jack, in person, that Annie was right. Jack asks Carl if he’s sure it’s the same Bob Riley: he is. Carl says that Annie is “really something” and he has officers who aren’t half as reliable as witnesses. To be fair though, Carl, half of your officers are corrupt, and the other half are incompetent. Jack says they should tell Annie that, and calls her at Devon’s. Annie’s amazing hearing lets her down again and she totally fails to pick up on Jack’s sombre tone when he calls. She tries some slightly flirty chat, but he just wants her to know that they found Bob Riley’s dead body.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Devon realises that she’s been burgled. Oh, and “Chandler” is IN THE ROOM WITH HER. “Chandler” lunges at Devon, Annie screams, Carl runs to call the station house, and Jack pleads with Annie to leave. Instead she just kind of whimpers into the phone. Realistic, sure, but very frustrating to watch. “Chandler” is trying to strangle Devon while also asking where “it” is. Devon says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and smashes him in the side of the head with… something? It’s very unclear. We keep cutting from Devon being attacked, to Annie whimpering for help, and Jack begging her to calm down and give him some useful information like which room she’s in. Devon tries to make her escape but “Chandler” drags her back into the bedroom. This is really quite distressing, show.

Jack guides Annie out of the den and into the kitchen, which at least makes all those scenes of her describing where rooms were make sense, even if it’s very disheartening that her panic means she has to rely on Jack to navigate. Billy gets a terrified reaction shot as Jack continues to talk to Annie. Wait, are they still on air?

“Chandler,” dripping blood from a nasty head wound, go Devon, enters the kitchen calling to Annie that he doesn’t want to hurt her, he just wants to talk to her. Suuuure.

Jack guides Annie down the stairs to the emergency exit and the laundry room. She panics that “Chandler” is following her. Devon’s amazing cordless phone finally starts to lose the signal, and then Annie drops the phone down the stairwell. Jack FINALLY decides that enough is enough, tells Billy to take over, and calls for Carl. Oh, so when it sounded like Devon was being murdered then you were happy to stay where you were but when someone drops a phone your immediate presence is required?

Annie, continuing to shriek and carry on so much that anyone could find her, makes it to the bottom of the stairs, and we see a door marked up “Caution – Do Not Enter.” Then “Chandler” comes down and sees the same door swinging shut. He’s about to open it when Annie lamps him from behind with I think a large drum. Man, it is not his night. Annie is nicer than me and flees through the door instead of smashing “Chandler” in the head a couple more times for good measure.

Outside, Carl pulls up. Jack SPRINTS from the car at high speed, which Carl following. What, no patrol cars?

Annie falls over just as “Chandler,” limping and clearly in pain, drags himself to his feet. He walks into the room yelling that all she has to do is give him what she found in the envelope and he’ll leave her alone.

Annie, sat on the floor with her back to the wall, takes a pot shot at him. WHERE DID THAT GUN COME FROM, SHOW? You can’t just suddenly have a character holding a gun!

“Chandler” takes off his shoe and throws it. Annie fires in the direction of the sound.

Jack hurtles down the stairs to the emergency exit at a speed that makes me wonder if Gary Cole fell a bunch of times.

Also. No. This makes no sense. Why is he on the stairs? The emergency exit is on the ground floor. He just arrived. In order to go down the stairs he would first have to go up the elevator. Why would he do that, show?

“Chandler” is apparently trying to make Annie use up all the bullets by throwing random things which she panics and shoots at. It’s a decent plan I guess.  

Jack is still running down so many flights of stairs that it’s beginning to look like that endless staircase in Inception.

“Chandler” seems to think Annie is out of bullets, so he picks up a metal bar and edges toward her.

Jack runs through the “Caution” door. He shouts Annie’s name, “Chandler” spins around and it turns out that he can’t count bullets, because Annie shoots him in the shoulder. “Chandler” collapses and Jack comforts Annie.

Jack has really bonded with this character that he will never see again. 

Jack’s really not had a very successful episode, heroic protagonist-wise.

I hope Carl went up to check on Devon.

Two paramedics take Devon away while Carl approaches Jack with a manila folder. If you think that Jack will be comforting Devon, well you’re wrong, he’s just hanging out by a police car. Carl hands him the folder and Jack asks what it is. “The stuff that dreams are made of,” Carl says. “I’ve been waiting my whole life to say that.”

Soggy boys have been in the rain too long.

You know what else it is, Carl? EVIDENCE. Evidence that you’ve tainted by breaking the chain of custody by handing to a civilian, just so you can get out your (incredibly cliched) line.

Back at Midnight Caller Jack is riffing on how the abled impose their own biases onto the differently abled.  Annie is working on her computer as he signs off. So, not going to give us any kind of explanation for the whole stupid macguffin huh?

Pfft.

End Credits

Chapter Text

These recaps are doomed. Not only have I lost several in their entirety I also lost the second half of this one. When I came to rewrite it, I found that I couldn’t forward through the video. It’s not that I have a problem rewatching the episode, but I was ready to move on to the next episode, Tarnished Shield (AKA Oh Shit We Accidentally Broadcast A Suicide).

Although Jack’s little growls as he resists waking up as certainly an added treat.

It seems like every time I come to post this episode recap then something comes up to make the timing a problem. Midnight Caller was always an “issues” show but in trying to do an episode about guns and gun control they also managed to hit the hot buttons of racial profiling and institutional racism. Oh, and they accidentally make Jack look like a racist. Good job, show!

(The show is consistent both in its resolution to issue episodes, the ending of this is almost identical to the ending of the AIDS episode, and in appearing completely oblivious when Jack is legitimately in the wrong. In this episode he’s never once called out on his assumptions about Al or his favouring Charlie. However, in at least one later episode he’s incorrectly called out by Deacon for a misunderstanding. It’s similar to the way the show treats his frequently irresponsible behaviour which is never called out, but he’s unfairly blamed for completely innocent mistakes.)

Anyway, moving on.

What even is this title?

What even is this opening?

We start with Jack’s fantastic view of the city through the studio window, but this magnificent vista is marred immediately by the awful “nee-naw” sound of someone who doesn’t know how to play a harmonica, trying to play a harmonica. Jack, with a harmonica jammed in his mouth, wanders into shot and says something about it being a “medley of Neil Young hits.” Haha? Was that a joke? That was terrible.

Jack then takes a call from “John” who starts off by announcing “death is my business.” Jack is less impressed with this awesome opening line then I am, or perhaps he’s experiencing professional jealousy. Either way he asks if John is the Grim Reaper. Nope, he’s a funeral director and proceeds to give his business a free advert. Damn it, Billy, quit playing with your balls and stop putting through people scoring free ads. This is at least the second time.

In fairness if I worked with Jack I would also need stress balls.

Jack points out that the subject they’re talking about is crime. So why the harmonica “music” eh? Anyway, John gets increasingly irate as he points out that crime is ruining his business. See, he specialises in the post-mortem makeup thing that I always found the most interesting part of Six Feet Under, and apparently people getting shot in the face is a little beyond is skill set. I feel you, John. Jack doesn’t. He rolls his eyes as announces that “guns are killing the funeral business.” I guess it makes a change from Millennials killing everything.

Apparently the wardrobe department had a run on plaid.

At a convenience store, the owner, an older gent, is listening to Jack on the radio and basically pottering around. Another older guy, in a flowerpot hat, wanders in to buy a paper and addresses the owner as Charlie. Charlie rambles that Jack has an answer for everything. Well, talking is his job. Charlie boasts that Jack is a regular customer and Flowerpot Hat, who for some reason is also wearing a lot of gold jewellery, pouts that they’re all regular customers.

Yikes

Over the radio* we hear Jack take a call from Mary who thinks that all crime would disappear if they took all the guns off the streets. Sigh. You can be anti-gun and not an idiot, Show. As Jack points out that there was crime before guns, a bunch of three black men walk in and hold Charlie up. (I’m mentioning their race because it becomes a plot point.) One of the stickup artists takes issue with Jack and the woman arguing on the radio and blasts it apart. Then he shoots a shelf of milk, because why not I suppose.

*I do wonder how they shot these. Did they just have Gary Cole do ADR or actually film everything and decided later what to have people listening to?

Credits!

Jack’s alarm clock reads 8:17 am and someone is buzzing his front door. We get a nice selection of mutters, moans, and groans from the bed as Jack decides to drag himself up. 

Then more moans and groans as he checks the time, and some more as he staggers to the front door dressed only in jeans. The buzzer continues to sound the entire time. WTF is with the person at the door? Bloody hell. Jack pulls on a Police academy t-shirt (the institution, not the movie) and muses out loud that there are only two possibilities Jehovah’s Witnesses* or…

He opens the door to Devon, who smiles sweetly and says she brought him breakfast.

(From one who used to know, nope. Never that persistent.)

Hey, is Gary Cole’s chest hairier nowadays? It seems like it is.

Jack asks Devon if she knows why Jehovah’s Witnesses never sleep in. (Speaking for my childhood self, going on the ministry was a PITA and everyone wanted to get it over with and move on with the day.) She says that she never sleeps in either. Jack says that’s why he has an 11 o’clock rule. As Devon walks past him, without an invitation, she says the rule doesn’t count on days like this. Jack asks for clarification and she announces that within “three insignificant little hours” he managed to offend every major opponent and supporter of gun control. So, good job? If he’s offending everyone then he can’t be showing actual bias, right?

I also have this expression if you wake me up.

Jack, yawning like his jaw is about to dislocate, says that it’s not a pretty job but someone has to do it. Devon says that nobody does it as well as he does. Jack is sleepy, but not too sleepy to realise when he’s being told he did a good job. Damn, Devon, don’t wake someone up for that. Not even with donuts and telling him to think about how he’s going to do his “next show on gun control.” Isn’t it… done? Jack says that wasn’t the point. It’s not about gun control but crime on the streets. Devon says that everyone agrees about crime, except the criminals, but gun control is something that people are starting to take sides on and that’s good radio.

Starting? Wow. I just always assumed it always went back a lot further.

Devon says that she wants to have a panel with people from both side; the police chief, the NRA etc. This doesn’t sound like a good fit for Midnight Caller, Devon. Jack takes umbrage at the fact that she’s already started making calls to organise it and there’s a very cute little scene where he asks whose show it is, and she innocently says his. Having established that, he says that he’ll do a panel, but he’ll do it his way, and bites into a donut that looks more like a bagel. Devon teases him about wanting to do it his own way, but falters when he asks what he’s eating. “It’s a donut! It’s an… oat bran donut.” Oh, Devon. No. You don’t wake a person up in the middle of his sleep cycle, start talking about work, and then then trick him into eating oat bran. You are a terrible boss.

Pictured: umbrage

Jack is as enthusiastic about this as you would imagine, and in the very next scene hits up Charlie’s convenience store for some “real food,” specifically a Twinkie. Charlie, when do you sleep? Jack asks about the mess and realises that Charlie was robbed again, “the third time in six months.” You need a new job, Charlie. Charlie sends his young, black assistant Dante into the back of the store while he bitches about how unsafe he feels now. Jack, who is presumably still sleep-deprived, tells him that he empathises but that Charlie can’t run away. Why not? He’s been robbed at gunpoint three times in six months! Running away seems like an excellent idea.

Charlie says that he heard what Jack said last night about protecting himself. Jack, who is a little distracted with his food, agrees that Charlie has the right if someone is threatening him or his property. Charlie asks how he’s supposed to do that, because for some reason Charlie wants it spelled out for him explicitly. Jack thinks about it and says there are no easy answers but suggests closing earlier or getting a burglar alarm. Charlie pooh-poohs both, because he really wants to hear “buy a gun.” Jack doesn’t give him what he wants and tells him to “think about it.” Jack nearly walks off without his change, but rather than go back and get it, he grabs another Twinkie.

Seedy music plays as we see exactly what Charlie’s thinking has led to: yup, a gun store. The Show abandons any pretence at a balanced exploration by having the store be sordid and the owner crow that he knew Charlie would be visiting sooner or later. Charlie sneers that the owner seems to get so much pleasure from other people’s misery and the owner retorts that he gets profit and pleasure from helping people prevent misery, thank you very much. They bicker a little and Charlie doesn’t want to wait 15 days for a handgun, so the owner suggests an UZI.

What? An UZI is easier to get than a handgun? What even is this?

Charlie is made of sterner stuff than me and rather than faint at the idea of buying an UZI merely waves off the suggestion as he wants something “simpler.” It turns out that the AK47 is more his speed. The owner says that if he wants one, he needs to buy it quickly while it’s still available to “law abiding citizens.”

Because even thirty years ago people apparently thought the US government was going to start taking their guns. Ugh.

Dramatic and barely lit close-up on the side of Jack’s face as he announces, “we’re back!” He says that he has three people with him who know “about the gun issue from every side.” I don’t see how only three people could cover that but okay. Jack introduces Anna whose surname I can’t spell, mother of two sons and sergeant Mike Hartman from the SFPD, weirdly rubbing both their shoulders. Then introduces Floyd T Barber calling from “Section D of San Quentin, who claims to be a faithful listener.” Since Floyd is on the phone, he doesn’t get a shoulder rub. Wait, what about the NRA person Devon was trying to get? Or just a regular person who owns a gun? This panel doesn’t seem balanced at all. Bad Jack!

This looks like someone’s LJ header. 

Floyd, who is hilariously cheerful to be talking to a stridently anti-crime ex-police officer, says that “all the boys” listen to the show every night. Which I guess could be read as a neat little bit of foreshadowing to season 3. Jack snarks that he’s sure the sponsors will be glad to know that they’re getting through to Floyd and his buddies who obviously have a ton of buying power. Be nice, Jack, you’re presumably not paying Floyd and he’s providing you with content.

Seriously what even is this lighting?

Hartman, who is playing “Gruff Cop Who Has Seen Too Much” for all it’s worth, puts in that while the sponsors might not be getting their money’s worth with Floyd and pals in prison, the public certainly is. Ugh. This is going to be all preachy and serious, isn’t it? Why couldn’t you have asked Carl on the show, Jack? At least he has a sense of humour. Floyd retorts that Hartman is lucky to be around to talk about anything. Turns out that Floyd is pals with the guy that shot Hartman. Jack rubs Hartman’s shoulder again and the director really needs to consider using something else to show Jack Cares, because the rubbing is mildly creepy at this point.

Also, what psychopath decided to invite a cop who’d been shot and a friend of the criminal who shot him? What, was the actual shooter not available? Jeez.

Jack for some reason feels this is a good time to define terms such as “assault rifle.” As someone who’s only ever held the rifles at arcade shooting games and lives in a country where handguns are banned, the term “assault rifle” seems incredibly loaded. (No pun intended.)

Hartman says that “it’ll be a great day when we can take weapons like that out of the hands of guys like Floyd.” Floyd’s in prison, Hartman, if he’s got his hands on an assault rifle then you have a huge problem.

A black motorist is having car trouble. He tells his girlfriend that the spare tire is also flat. She’s understandably pissed at this and angrily tells “Al” that she wants to go home. Al retorts that she’s going to have to walk then, since they’re stuck there. That seems like a terrible idea. It’s after midnight! They bicker a bit more and he wanders off to “call Freddy.” Ah, life before cell phones.

Back in the studio, the discussion panel is, again, not discussing anything as Jack is holding forth that of the 200 million weapons owned by Americans only 2/10 of 1% are used in the commission of crimes. 2/10 of 1% of 200 million? Where’s Kent to work that out for me. Is it… 0.2% of 200 million? Why not just say that? Anyway, Jack continues that every day 235,000 kids go to school armed with a gun. Um. Isn’t that a crime? And who’s compiling these figures? Ugh, I’m going to be here all day at this rate. Less statistics, Jack. You’re making my head hurt.

This is a segue for Anna, who gets both her shoulders squeezed now, to speak. Quit groping your guests, Jack! Anna relates the story of her son Felipe being shot because he wouldn’t give up his lunch money. That seems less about guns, and more about a school-age violent psychopath. If you’re going to shoot someone for their lunch money you’re surely as likely to knife them or beat them to death.

Anna says that as well as everything else the police treated the family like they were guilty of something, which of course spurs Floyd to agree that the police are assholes. Jack says it’s not the same since Anna and her kids, including surviving son Hector who’s now too scared to go to school, are “from this planet” while Floyd is serving four consecutive life sentences for first degree murder with a semi-automatic rifle. I’m a bit unclear what the point of having Floyd on is, since Jack doesn’t seem to have any interest in actually hearing what he has to say. He just wants to sneer that Floyd enjoyed killing people.

Floyd casually says that a lot of the stuff that Charlie was saying earlier about protection and stopping people “bothering you” and that if you squeeze the trigger there’s a pop or a boom and “they don’t bother you no more.” Jack shakes his head in disgust, but really what did he expect?

Al gets to a payphone only to realise that he has no change. Al is really terrible at any kind of planning. He walks to Charlie’s store, hoping to get change. We all know where this is going, right? Especially when Al walks in waving the car jack around. He asks to use the phone and Charlie tells him to use the payphone across the road. Al, who is having a stressful, horrible, night irritably says that Charlie has a phone right there. Charlie, who is having a stressful, horrible, life tells Al not to come any closer. Al ignores him while telling him “not to give me any trouble, old man.” Ugh. Rude, but also understandable. Charlie panics and grabs his ginormous assault rifle. Al throws up his hands in surrender but Charlie fires. Al falls back into the bread shelf while Charlie stares in horror. What did you THINK was going to happen Charlie?

Later, cops and the sort of people who always hang around a crime scene are… hanging around the crime scene. Deacon Bridges (hey, Deacon, long time no see) is in the Payphone of Doom. (I hope someone’s told Al’s girlfriend what’s happened. She must be freaked out by now.) Deacon has called into KJCM and wants to talk to Jack. So, it seems that all this has happened very quickly since Jack is still on the air. Jack goes to an advert break and takes the call, greeting Deacon in a pretty friendly manner. Deacon says that he’s at “your friend Charlie Drexel’s store and he just shot some kid he says was trying to rob him.” Dude who occasionally sells you confectionaries is a low bar for “friend,” Deacon.  

Deacon tells Jack that Charlie keeps talking about Jack, in fact Charlie is “making it seem like you gave him the idea to blow this kid away.” Ugh, Show. Why do you have to keep the weird persecution complex of Jack repeatedly being blamed for deaths he didn’t cause? (And never taken to task for the ones he does cause.)

Charlie is giving interviews to sympathetic reporters, because he’s an idiot who apparently doesn’t have a lawyer. Then the reporter asks about Jack’s involvement and Charlie says that Jack’s a “good friend” who told him that he had to “do something” to protect his store. So, in the course of a day or two Charlie has upgraded Jack from “regular customer” to “good friend.” Hmm. Fortunately, the reporter is professional enough to ask Charlie to clarify if Jack told him to buy a gun and use it. Unfortunately, Charlie says that Jack told him he had to protect himself, which implies that Jack did tell him to buy, and use, a gun.

We pan out and see that this is an interview being watched by Devon, who’s wearing a headband, ginormous pearl earrings and a check blouse, which is a… look. Devon turns to a stunned-looking Jack and says that the lawyers will be in soon and not to give any comments or statements of any kind, and that includes Deacon. Apparently, they decided that Deacon was Jack’s bestie while we weren’t looking. Jack defensively asks if she isn’t going overboard which, no, she wasn’t. Her tone was actually pretty sympathetic. But she points out that “a man killed someone and is making it sound like you’re the one who inspired him to do it.” Just wait until they find out that poor Al was a completely innocent motorist simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Devon says that she knows that Jack didn’t tell Charlie to buy a gun, although I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had, and that KJCM will stand behind him, but the news is calling him “the vigilante DJ.”

That’s not fair, he’s not a DJ. Devon won’t let him play music.

Jack is struggling with the concept that his words can be misconstrued or have an effect that he didn’t anticipate, which is a notion that most of us deal with by puberty, but okay. Obviously, this is going to have a profound effect on him and force him to be more thoughtful and careful in future.

HA. Who am I kidding? Remember when it looked like Jack had inspired someone to kidnap a completely innocent young man and Jack totally laughed it off?

Outside the Supreme Court – wait, don’t they start in lesser courts first? The American legal system is baffling – a lawyer gives a statement that the District Attorney isn’t going to be pressing charges because they found a tire iron. This seems wildly premature.

Somehow the reporters end up asking the lawyer about the calibre of the gun and if Al would have survived if he hadn’t been shot with an AK47. What a weird question. You might as well ask “would he had survived if he hadn’t been shot?” The lawyer says that’s a better question for the coroner. Way to try to pass the buck, lady. Then Sleazy Lawyer Dude asks her to clarify that what she’s saying is that Al’s shooting is the moral equivalent of a lynching. Ugh. She asks who he is, and he says, “Nicholas Pierce” and she says “of course” and hauls ass in an almighty huff. This leaves Pierce the Sleazy Lawyer Dude surrounded by reporters and he immediately begins answering questions they have no reason to be asking him. He says that he’s representing Al’s family. Honestly someone should be. Unfortunately, this isn’t the last time the show attaches an (at best) morally dubious character to a black family trying to get justice for someone killed. It’s a worrying tendency.

Anyway, Pierce says that Al’s killing was motivated by racial bias and the cops are covering it up.

At Carmen’s bar, Jack slams down a paper which reads “Killian and Killer – A Fatal Friendship.” Damn, Deacon, easy on the alliteration. (Did I spend five minutes trying to find a way to make that sentence more alliterative? Yes, I did. I regret nothing.) Jack angrily thanks Deacon for nothing and waves off Deacon’s reasoning that he gave Jack the opportunity to say his piece by saying that “the boss muzzled me.”

I… did not need that image, thank you, Jack. Jerrado tries to take Jack’s order and gets yelled at for his trouble. Go yell at Charlie, Jack, he’s your problem. Deacon says that he just reported the facts as reported by people he spoke to, which is his job. For an ex-police officer, Jack consistently has a major problem with the idea of reporting the facts in an unbiased manner. Jack demands to know if Deacon believes that he told Charlie to buy a gun and kill someone. Deacon says the article doesn’t say that, and Jack quotes Nicholas Pierce as calling him a “one-man mob.” That does sound inflammatory, Deacon, and slanderous frankly. Jack should get those lawyers on the case.

Deacon then pivots to the real meat of the episode: would Al have been shot if he’d been a white guy walking into the store with a tire iron? Jack clearly hasn’t given this a single thought, probably because he hasn’t given a single thought to the shooting beyond “why am I being blamed for this?” He asks Deacon if that’s where he’s going with it, because he persists in thinking that Deacon is pushing an agenda. Deacon, once again, points out that he’s just following the facts. Although that was speculation, Deacon, not a fact. Deacon tells Jack that when he’s prepared to talk maybe he can point Deacon “in what you think is the right direction.” Deacon leaves and Jack irritably grumbles to himself and yells “can I get a beer or what?” at poor Jerrado. I appreciate that Jack is allowed to be crabby from time to time but I’d much rather the show called him out on his poor impulse control or lack or responsibility for his actions.

Charlie is locking up his store, which is not a crime scene because according to this show the SFPD are both the most corrupt and the fastest police officers ever. Charlie looks down at the chalk outline on his floor and shakes his head sadly. Jesus, dude, clean that up. It’s morbid as hell. The dude with the hat, Howard, from earlier turns up and is annoyed that the store isn’t open, presumably because he’s very behind on current events.

Jack, waving his hands around even more than usual, walks along a corridor in KJCM with Devon and tells her that Pierce is a “master manipulator of the media” and the case is tailor-made for him. Devon knows that but sometimes it’s better to bite your tongue. Jack disagrees, because Jack has never given a second thought to what he says, let alone restrained himself. Jack says that Pierce has been turned this into black against white and privilege against under-privilege. Um, there’s been no suggestion so far that Al was under-privileged, Jack. That’s a pretty problematic assumption right there. Devon queries whether Pierce is that calculating, because she hasn’t been paying attention. Jack says that Pierce will take something about “crime and guns and fear” and twist it to serve his own political interests, “just like he did in Sacramento last year.” Devon says “well, let’s not let him.” Oh, okay, if you say so.

Billy asks Jack if he’s sure he wants to go ahead, and that they can pull the plug whenever he wants. WTF Billy? You’re always 100% gung-ho about Jack going on air when he’s accused of murder or whatever. Jack shrugs and says that’s up to Devon, who is hanging out in the booth with Billy. She smiles encouragingly and Billy counts Jack in.

Jack says that the format is open, and callers can discuss whatever they like. This is either very smart or very foolhardy, depending on how irate the callers are. Jack’s “fans” can give him a pretty rough ride at the best of times.

As Charlie hangs out at his store, he listens to Jack taking a call from Irene, who says that Jack has a lot of guts. She rants a little bit and says that she doesn’t believe “the rumours that you put a hit on some guy!” Bwahaha. Wrong episode, Irene! As Jack fruitlessly tries to put her straight, Charlie sighs that Jack didn’t ask for all this. Damn it, Charlie, YOU’RE the one who made this about Jack. Irene hangs up as Billy stares open-mouthed. Jack takes a deep breath and says he wants to make one thing clear, he never told anyone that a gun was the answer to any problem. He told Charlie Drexel that he had to take care of himself and he had a right to protect himself and his property. He didn’t tell him to buy a gun, but he should’ve seen the potential. Jack blames himself for not explaining the legal, moral, and emotional consequences of shooting someone, and then smoothly attempts to move the conversation on. He takes another call, and it’s Nicholas Pierce.

Ladies and gentlemen, Billy the Troll strikes again. Devon, box his ears.

Jack irritably asks Pierce what he wants, and Pierce says he wants Jack off the air. Slimier men than you have tried, Pierce. Jack snorts that he wants to be a rock star. Well, that explains the protracted scene in season 3 of him dancing around with a tennis racket (or possibly a hockey stick) pretending to play guitar. Not even kidding. If I could remember which episode it was then I’d go get a screenshot.

Jack says that the 1^st amendment means that he gets to talk and so does Pierce. Pierce says that Al’s family are suing Jack and KJCM for inciting his murder.

Um. What? A) legally there wasn’t a murder to incite and B) Jack didn’t speak to Charlie on-air so what does it have to do with KJCM? If I go kill someone then it’s not my employer’s fault. I’m not working for Assassins R Us.

Pierce says that they have a witness and they’re going to make sure that Jack and KJCM never have the opportunity to broadcast again. So, that’ll be the lad cleaning up that Charlie sent into the back room for no good reason. Everyone in the room looks incredibly tense despite this being complete nonsense.

The lawyer, Brian, in Devon’s office agrees with me that the facts “don’t add up to an indictable criminal or civil offense.” Brian says that it’s harassment and it’ll get thrown out. THANK YOU, BRIAN. The amount of trouble that Jack gets himself and the station into you’d imagine that the KJCM lawyer would be a recurring character.

Brian says that Jack should have no comment on or off the air. Again, as a former cop you might think that Jack would be familiar with no prejudicing a case before it comes to trial. Haha. No. He starts instead to complain that Pierce will continue slinging mud. ‘Let me tell you what’ll happen…’ he begins, only for Devon and Billy to double team him by announcing that there will be pickets, advertisers pulling out, and pressure to take Jack off the air. Jack can’t quite decide if he’s annoyed or amused and asks, ‘have we been through this before?’ Yes. Repeatedly. You are ALWAYS pissing people off, Jack. It’s kind of your shtick.

Devon agrees with me, in a snarky, understated way and then asks what happens if they counter sue for defamation of character? Brian then loses me by saying that Jack’s a public character, so Pierce can say what he wants. That doesn’t sound right. Jack asks what about Charlie, he’s just a regular guy? Brian points out he shot “a kid.” Also, nobody is suing Charlie, Jack, so he’s bizarrely irrelevant to this conversation.

Deacon is visiting “Beth” AKA Al’s grumpy girlfriend. She’s very suspicious that he’s with the police, and hardly any less welcoming when she finds out that he’s a reporter. She says that Pierce has told them not to talk to any reporters because of course he has. Deacon’s promise that she can trust him is volleyed back with ‘why, because you’re black?’ He’s also dripping sincerity which basically makes him a completely different character than his first appearance, but okay. Deacon points out that Al has basically been defamed in the papers as a thug and Charlie isn’t facing any charges because of that assumption. Deacon offers to put forward Beth’s view of Al and she reluctantly agrees. Deacon charms Al’s mum and asks about his childhood and his friends. Al had a few issues as a kid, but he had got his life together, finished his education, and was looking forward to the future. As Deacon looks at a photograph of Al, Beth starts crying and has to leave.

What the hell crime against fashion is Deacon wearing???

Devon, flanked by Jack and Billy, is walking down a corridor at KJCM telling Billy that she wants to record an editorial about gun control. Billy asks what the station’s views on guns are, because apparently doesn’t know Devon at all. Jack’s views are generally confusing because he doesn’t know WTF he thinks most of the time, but Devon is always very clear. Devon says that the station is anti-guns, duh, and that owning one is ‘inviting disaster.’ Billy reveals that he has a gun for defence after being mugged in college. Devon and Jack are startled, and rather shocked. YOU HAVE A GUN, JACK. YOU’VE SHOT PEOPLE. Billy also says that he was nearly attacked by two men with knives on his own driveway. Good job they didn’t have guns…

As Al’s mum talks about all the things Al was looking forward to in life, Pierce arrives with someone else. Deacon rather randomly asks if Al had a bad temper. Mrs Webster says yes, sometimes, but that Deacon would also be angry if his tire was flat, and his spare was flat, and he didn’t have change for the phone, and his girlfriend was alone in the car. Um. All of those things are Al’s own fault.

This is apparently news to Deacon and asks if the police know all this and she confirms that they do. Deacon speculates that Beth is Pierce’s witness, which makes no sense. Pierce is claiming that Jack encouraged Charlie to buy a gun and shoot someone, Al’s reason for being there has nothing to do with that.

Pierce comes in with a woman, who demands to know who Deacon is. Mrs Webster says she hopes Pierce isn’t angry and, although he claims he could never be angry with her, it’s a worrying response. He’s working for you Mrs Webster. Deacon explains that he works for The Despatch and suddenly Pierce is all over him. Pierce introduces the woman as Al’s sister and says that he’s familiar with Deacon’s work and he’s glad that Deacon’s there to learn “our side of the story.” Deacon is about as big a fan of Pierce as Jack is. Deacon tells the Websters that Pierce is exploiting them and Al’s death for publicity and politely excuses himself. Miss Webster challenges Pierce on what he wants, and he tries to soft soap her with talk about compensation for her pain etc. She says the only thing she cares about is bringing her brother’s murderers to justice.

Protesters surround Charlie’s store as he listens to the news saying that the criminal charges might be brought against him after all. Ugh. Make your minds up people. Charlie, get a freaking lawyer.

Jack and Carl walk down a random street. Hi Carl! Jack asks if they’re building a case against Charlie? Yep! He asks if Carl wants to tell him about it and Carl hedges that it’s bad but they’re still collecting info. It must be bad weather as they’re both wearing trench coats. Jack asks if they believe Beth Rydell’s statement and Carl says she might be a reliable witness.

I’m sure the dozen random members of the public potentially listening to this loud conversation about a live police investigation are glad to have the full names of witnesses used. Jack points out that ‘there are two conditionals in that sentence’ and asks Carl what he thinks happened. Carl thinks it was ‘a failure to communicate.’ Is this really the time to throw around Cool Hand Luke references? Jack says that Charlie had been robbed three times, he’d been terrorised, and he asked Jack for help. Carl stops Jack and asks if he’s sure he wants to tell Carl this. Jack says that he’ll take the chance: he didn’t have any answers for Charlie. Carl says there aren’t any answers. Well ‘shoot the first random dude who you don’t recognise and who happens to be black while holding a tire iron’ certainly isn’t an answer. Jack is blaming himself that ‘some kid is dead, and Charlie’s life is ruined.’ Carl tells him that isn’t his fault, but Jack’s extremely erratic sense of responsibility has decided to grab onto this one hard.

The protestors are chanting ‘stop all guns’ while they circle Charlie’s store, which he’s closed. I personally would not deliberately annoy a man I knew had an AK47 and a proven tendency to shoot first and ask questions never. Deacon arrives, trying to reach Charlie on the phone, and knocking on the door. Eventually Charlie arrives and tells him that they’re closed. Deacon shows Charlie his ID from The Despatch and Charlie lets him in. Charlie says he has nothing to say. Then why did you let him in? Deacon says he’s in an awkward position then, since he’s already spoken to the Websters, the DA, and the police and he wants to provide both sides of the story. Deacon Bridges ladies and gentlemen: the only reporter in the world actually trying to be balanced and fair.

As Deacon’s photographer takes a lot of snaps that Charlie never agreed to, Deacon asks Charlie why he thinks Al was in the store. He explains the situation with the flat tires and Beth in the car (also he says that Beth is pregnant, which is new information.) There’s a lovely bit of acting as Charlie hesitates for a moment, panicking that this is true, and then doubles down, insisting that Al wanted to hurt him and was coming behind the counter. Um, not that we saw. Deacon asks if the telephone was behind the counter, and where Al fell. Charlie is starting to have a horrible realisation and deals with it by demanding that Deacon and the photographer leave. They do, even though they didn’t actually achieve anything in terms of getting Charlie’s side of the story. Someone throws a brick through the store window. Again, the dude has a gun. Why would you do that?

Charlie wanders down a dark and seedy street. He goes into a hotel.

At Carmen’s bar, Jack and Deacon are having a semi-reasonable conversation. That is to say, Jack wants to know if Charlie told Deacon about ‘taking off.’ Deacon sarcastically says that he also gave Deacon his forwarding address and telephone number, and that if he knew where Charlie was, he’d be there ‘instead of talking to you.’

You deserved that, Jack.

Jack asks what Deacon said to make Charlie run away and Deacon says the ‘lynch mob’ outside the store was probably more to do with it, or the murder warrant that’s about to be issued. Jack complains that Charlie is just a guy who got into trouble and that “instead of trying to help him, everyone wanted a piece of him, including you!”

It’s not fair to judge a show from 30 years ago by modern mores but damn, this argument is so unpleasant. To have the white protagonist of a show arguing that it’s unfair to hold another white man responsible for shooting a black man purely because he assumed all black men to be violent criminals is incredibly problematic. It’s almost annoying that Deacon keeps his calm in asserting Al Webster’s humanity. If I was Deacon, I would be beyond furious that Jack was so completely on Charlie’s side that he’s basically ignoring Al’s utterly needless death.

Anyway, Deacon says his piece and Jack seems to accept it.

Devon is recording her editorial. Snore. If I was listening to KJCM and an editorial came on I’d probably just tune out.

Billy is about as enthralled as I am and says that he thinks she should give equal time to the other side. Devon, whom I love dearly, dives headfirst into “dumb liberal” by stating ‘there is no other side,’ which is clearly nonsense. My country banned handguns years ago, which I completely agree with, and even I know that there are legitimate arguments on both sides. I don’t agree with most of the pro-gun arguments but it’s ridiculous to pretend that they don’t exist or shouldn’t be engaged with.

Jack interrupts this with a cheery ‘hellooo, having fun kids?’ Devon gives him a death glare and he leaves. Tension thoroughly unbroken, Devon tells Billy to air her lame editorial the following morning. Why is that Billy’s job? He’s Jack’s producer, he’s not in charge of all the programming. And why air it in the morning and not as part of Jack’s show when it would make more sense?

Billy, looking thoroughly pissed off, counts Jack in. Jack says that the previous night he was advised by so many people, including his lawyer and boss, not to talk about the Pierce thing. But hey, he’s decided that he can’t ignore the whole situation, so he’s going to talk about it anyway.

This should go well.

Billy looks increasingly freaked as Jack says that both Charlie and Al were both victims and so were their families and friends. We see Charlie listening and then the Webster family with Pierce. Jack says that Charlie is worrying that his fate is being decided by the court of public opinion but that’s not how it works. His fate will be decided ‘by the law, and the law is fair.’

Oh. This has not aged well.

Mrs Webster asks what’s going to happen to the man who killed Al. Pierce says that his death hasn’t gone unnoticed. Not what she asked, dude. Also, did the writer forget what time Jack’s show airs? Why would Devon be recording editorials at nearly midnight? Why is Pierce sitting in Mrs Webster’s living room after midnight?

Pierce promises that this will be ‘a triumph for civil rights across the board.’ What? HOW? Stephanie, Al’s sister, asks him if Charlie will be punished for killing Al and Pierce says there’s never a guarantee ‘in these cases.’ Except when it comes to guarantee a triumph for civil rights, whatever the heck that means. She doesn’t care about next time, she wants to know that Charlie’s going to jail. Pierce smarms that Charlie going to jail is for the court to decide. He’s not even been arrested yet.

Jack takes a call from Tony, who says that he knows what Charlie is going through as he once shot someone. Tony thought he heard a prowler. He went into his kid’s room, saw someone coming in through a window, thought there was a gun, and fired. He shot his own son, Danny, who’s now in a wheelchair. As Jack empathises, Billy looks shocked, shocked by the revelation that someone might shoot the wrong person by accident.

And then Billy starts waving his arms around because Charlie is on the line. Instead of going to an advert, which Jack does with alarming frequency, Jack makes the baffling decision to talk to Charlie on air. Great idea. At best he’s probably going to incriminate himself.

Charlie says that he won’t go to prison. Jack says that he’s making it worse by hiding and he needs to turn himself in. As Stephanie Webster listens, Charlie says that he’ll hand himself in, but not to the police, only to Jack. Alone! So, just go to the radio station, Charlie. Damn, drama queen. Jack agrees, and Charlie says he’ll call him back off-air.

A DJ announces that it’s 3:22 and that “Bobby and the Bonemasters” are playing. It sounds like a porno but it’s actually jazz. Jack and Devon are still in the booth, waiting for Charlie to call. Devon expositions that it’s been nearly an hour, and Jack says she doesn’t have to wait around. The poor DJ trying to play his set would probably quite appreciate you both leaving. It must be crappy working alongside Jack.

Jack arrives outside the aquarium in a cab, which he doesn’t pay, because he never pays. He wanders around the creepy, deserted streets shouting Charlie’s name, while tense music plays. Honestly this could easily be a scene from a horror movie. Oh an underpass. Fortunately, Jack isn’t quite dumb enough to go down there, but as he walks past, we see someone walk into it from the other side and their silhouette is briefly illuminated.

Dramatic Jack is DRAMATIC

Jack is still wandering around yelling for Charlie. Oh, there he is. Jack tries to persuade Charlie to hand himself in, but Charlie just wants to run away. As Jack promises Charlie the law will protect him, Stephanie Webster appears waving a gun and sneering that the law didn’t protect Al and asking if killing him made Charlie feel powerful. Jack decides to go with aggressing the angry woman holding a gun, asking if threatening Charlie makes her feel powerful and oddly it fails to deescalate the situation. Stephanie shoots Charlie dead and doesn’t look in the slightest bit distressed up upset by it. I guess it did make her feel powerful. Jack takes the gun from her and sinks by Charlie, gazing upwards in distress.

One of these days someone is going to have to teach Jack basic first aid.

Jack is at Carmen’s bar feeling very sorry for himself (drink) when Pierce turns up. Not quite sure what purpose his character served apart from giving Jack someone to rail against, so it didn’t seem entirely like a black vs white issue. It didn’t really work if that was the intent. He and Jack bicker about the Websters dropping the lawsuit. The actor playing him makes him some interesting choices by playing Pierce as subdued and rather dismayed. There’s a definite impression of him being genuinely saddened about the death of Charlie and the fact that Stephanie will be going to prison for the rest of her life. It’s a shame they didn’t give him more layers earlier on as it would have made for a more nuanced and complex episode. Anyway, Jack is Jack and lashes out angrily rather than accepting this olive branch. Pierce asks how Jack’s conscience is and Jack gives him a death glare. Pierce sneers that’s smart as a confession is admissible. Jack takes a gulp of water, accompanied by LOUD tinkling of ice in the glass, and gets up. He asks Pierce why he no longer cares about the people he defended. I’m not sure why he’d assume Pierce ever did but whatever.

Jack monologues about fate and seriously implies that Charlie and Al’s deaths were somehow the work of “fate” and not a series of Charlie’s terrible decisions. This would be annoying enough if not for the completely baffling decision to have him continue talking on air while we also see him at home. 

Jack keeps his gun just thrown in a drawer rather than secured in any way at all.

As Jack implies the reason Al died is because he got a flat tire, as if Charlie wouldn’t have shot the next poor guy he felt threatened by, we also see Jack throw his gun into the sea.

TAKE YOUR DAMN FINGER AWAY FROM THE TRIGGER! THIS IS BASIC STUFF THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW, JACK!

What? What? Even ignoring that Jack is somehow in two places at once, and teleports from home to the shore, why the hell would an ex-police officer do something so monumentally stupid as throw his presumably registered gun away? What if someone finds it? What if they use it to commit a crime? Plus, at some point in later episodes he gets another gun. Gah!

Goodnight, America. This was monumentally stupid.