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Akito has always hated change.
He learned from a young age that change was kind to no one.
When Akito's mother left, he was relieved. Their house finally wouldn't be full of screaming matches and fights every day.
It was fine for a little bit, but after a while Akito started to miss her. Sure, she didn't provide the best living situation for them and constantly fought with their dad but she was still his mom.
Akito wasn't the only one who felt this way either.
After a while, his dad took up drinking. It was something he did before his mom left, he knew that from all the screaming matches, but this time it was a lot worse. The man missed his ex, so he took up drinking to cope.
Akito never should have been hopeful about his mom leaving.
Slowly but surely after that, Akito's dad started taking his problems out on him and Ena. He would scream at them for the littlest things and use empty threats against them. Akito knew that he didn't mean them but it really scared him when his father threatened to do the same things to him that he witnessed his mother do to his father. Akito was afraid that one day he may actually lay his hands on either him or Ena.
When his father announced he was going to stop drinking a little after Akito turned 13, he was reluctant but hopeful. He thought that maybe this could have been it.
It was good for a while. His father had actually been a lot kinder to both of his kids and became more patient with them.
But nothing good lasts forever, and Akito knew that at this point.
One day Akito found empty beer cans in the recycling. He was disappointed. It had almost been a year at that point. His father had kept his promise for so long. So why did he have to go and throw it all away just to tear apart their family again?
Akito cried himself to sleep that night. He thought that maybe they could have finally been a happy family and all the pain he felt would finally stop. He thought that maybe he would see Ena smile again, just like she used to when they were kids. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't get screamed at again for doing simple tasks. But his dad just had to throw it all away.
It always hurt him to think about it.
The past, and what his life could have been.
The future was never a good thought to Akito either. He was always uncertain of what would happen and that sent him into a panic, a lot.
So, when his father started asking him about his future all he could do was nod his head and hope he would stop asking him questions soon.
"You have a year and a half left before you graduate, you know. You need to figure out something soon." Akito nodded. This was something he hated thinking about. He knew that he probably wouldn't have much in his future. Once Vivid BAD Squad surpasses Rad weekend, what's left there for him? He has little talent and passion for anything else and only does things to please others. He knows he can't make a lasting career off singing and his father would probably hate it even more that Ena's passion for art
"So, you know what you want to do yet?" Akito shrugged his shoulders. This was the question he was dreading. He couldn't think of an answer to please his father or himself. He truly didn't even think he would make it to this point if he was being honest.
"You better give me a real answer son!" His father's tone was getting more harsh. Akito knew he was going to start yelling at him soon over his "attitude" even though he hadn't been saying anything. Akito just stared off into space, unresponsive to his father's questions and demands. He didn't know why he did this every time his father got angry at him or started talking about topics he didn't like, but he couldn't help it. He physically could not speak. He sat there waiting until his father was done. Waiting so he could go cry his eyes out in his room.
"You piece of shit child. I don't understand why you can't just use your words! Get out of my sight." Even though they were harsh ones, those were the words Akito had been waiting to hear. Relieved somewhat, he walked away and headed to his room. Though he knew that once he was in there all the feelings would pour down on him.
And pour down they did.
Akito sat down on his bed as his brain flooded with thoughts. He really was a worthless child. He wasn't going to get anywhere acting the way that he was. Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he have to shut down like this every time his dad tried to have a serious conversation with him? Why couldn't he just be normal like everyone else?
Tears started pooling down Akito's face. He couldn't take it anymore. He wished that all these feelings would go away. He wished he could have had a normal childhood so that maybe he wouldn't be feeling this way now and could be a normal teenager instead of still feeling like he's a child.
His freakout got worse when he heard Ena join her nightcord call. He hated hearing Ena be all happy and act like everything is normal while he's crying and hyperventilating in the next room over.
So, he started punching his wrists really hard. It wasn't something he thought about and just did it impulsively but it's pain he deserves either way.
Until realization hits, he hates this and now his wrists hurt a lot. He didn't want this. He hates acting like this. So, he pulled out his phone and headphones to try and calm himself down a bit.
He scrolls through his music app for a couple of seconds until he comes across a playlist. He was shocked for a second, and he actually stopped crying for a moment. He settled on this playlist and decided to hit play. The playlist wasn't anything special but it held a lot of meaning to him. It was a collaboration playlist he had with Rui and Touya where they all added music they thought each other would like.
He felt relieved as the first song started. He closed his eyes as the tears stopped flowing. He wiped his face and started singing along to the song. It was a song that Touya had shown him a while ago. The lyrics were calm and seemed to sooth him with the situation he was in.
He let out a long sigh as the song ended, feeling slightly better with the tears gone at this point.
The next song started which was one that he added. It reminded him of Touya and Rui a lot and how he adored both of them. The thought of the two of them made him smile. Even in the shittiest times, those two could still find a way to make him happy even if they weren't there at the moment.
Akito knew it might be a dead end but he still decided to try anyway. He closed his music app on his phone while the song was still playing in the background and opened up nightcord to their group chat.
Aki <3: hey are either of you awake?
Rui <3: Bold of you to assume I ever sleep Akito!~
Akito smiled at his response. He imagined the cat-like face Rui would have made if he were face to face with him. He felt more relaxed now, knowing that he wouldn't have to be alone with his thoughts for the night.
Tou <3: I am also awake.
Tou <3: Are you alright? It's not like you to be up like this.
Rui <3: ah yes, jokes aside. Are you alright dear?
Aki <3: I'm a bit better now. Just some bad thoughts and shit.
Aki <3: also Touya, YOU'RE never awake at this time man
Tou <3: I was reading and lost track of the time. I was going to head to bed soon.
Aki <3: ah well don't let me keep ya here then
Tou <3: it's fine. if you're not feeling well, I don't mind staying on for a bit.
Aki <3: I already said I was feeling a bit better but thanks
Tou <3: of course.
Rui <3: Does talking with us help?
Aki <3: definitely. I didn't think either of you would be on though, and I'd be stuck with my thoughts for the night
Rui <3: oh well we definitely can't have that! Maybe I should just come over and give you cuddles until they're all gone!
Aki <3: there's no way you're doing that
Rui <3: watch me, love!
Aki <3: WAIT RUI YOU BETTER NOT ACTUALLY COME OVER
Rui <3: aw but why, do you not want my love? D:
Aki <3: You know that's not true but it's also almost two in the morning.
Rui <3: aw well I suppose. Don't think you're getting out of it tomorrow!
Aki <3: oh no. Whatever will I do. Toya save me
Tou <3: extra cuddles? Alright
Aki <3: NO TOYA WHAT
Tou <3: you're so cute
Aki <3: STOP THAT NO
Rui <3: I bet he's blushing so much~
Rui <3: my cute Akito~
Aki <3: I'm being ganged up on
Rui <3: we just love you so much though
Tou <3: mhm
Aki <3: fineee
Aki <3: I love you dorks too
Rui <3: YAY TOUYA, LOOK WE WON!!
Tou <3: hehe yay
Tou <3: I think I'm going to head to bed now though guys.
Rui <3: awww Touya :((
Rui <3: I wanted to talk with you some more :((
Aki <3: me too, pretty please?
Tou <3: alright, what if we do a sleep call?
Rui <3: OH! That sounds like a wonderful idea!!
Aki <3: I doubt you're going to sleep anytime soon though
Rui <3: ah well, I napped today! I should be good on only a few hours of sleep
Rui <3: also then that means I can sooth you both to sleep with my calming voice~
Aki <3: when are you ever calm?
Rui <3: all the time, love! Come on!
Aki <3: fineee ok
Aki <3: I probs won't talk much though, I don't really sound the greatest rn
Tou <3: that's alright. I won't either, I should be asleep after all.
Rui <3: wow what a rebel you are Touya!
That was the last message Akito got before his phone started ringing. He lied down on his bed and picked up the call instantly. "Hello my lovelies~" was the first thing he heard from Rui. This brought a big dumb grin to his face. He was so precise and creative with his words and Akito loved that about him.
The call was calming. It started off with the three of them saying hello to each other and getting comfortable in their respective sleeping quarters. Akito then asked Toya about the book he was reading and listened contently while his boyfriend rambled on.
Then they all decided it was time to get some sleep. Rui took it upon himself to start singing to the two younger boys which neither of them protested. The first song he just so happened to sing was the same one that reminded Akito of him, which made his heart flutter hearing his boyfriends take on it. Despite what Akito had said earlier, he loved Rui's voice.
After Rui finished the song, he could hear soft snores coming from both boys and he chuckled to himself.
"Whatever the future may hold, I hope both of you are in it with me. I love you both."
That was the last thing he spoke before drifting off into his own slumber.