Chapter Text
My name is Kirishima Eijirou, I'm fourteen, and stupidity in love.
Middle school. End of the day, may, 5th.
i was holding his hand while he was talking to his friends. well, they're also supposed to be mine. i could hear the cruel jokes that forced me to twitch my lips even though i didn't find them funny at all. i just can't stand them. their persona, the way they think, how they squint when they talk to someone weaker. i am not this kind of person.
"hey, kacchan, ya boyfriend seems upset."
Bakugou looked at me, with a little concern in the eyes. probably more annoyance.
"what?" he said.
"just tired." i answered, scratching my neck.
he lifted his shoulders and continued his conversation with his friends. it's true i've been spacing out of their conversation. i wondered what i should do now. i was bored and slightly pissed off by their tone. then, i remembered i have free will. so, i took my hand away from Katsuki's, and stepped back a little. just enough for him to notice.
"where're you going?" he turned around.
"i told you, i'm tired. i'm going back home. see you tomorrow, okay?"
he frowned but let me go. what could he do anyway?
"okay." without saying goodbye, he turned around once again.
i left the arcade store. i was indeed tired but he had no idea it was because of him. how tired i was, because of his words, actions, and consequences.
Bakugou and I never had a close relationship. we had a close friendship though, but he got so seriously cold.
it happens, sometimes. sometimes, a relationship ruins everything.
we've known each other for years, some sort of childhood friends. at first we were best friends. i remember when we promised that we'll be together forever. 'guess that ended up true. some sort of fancy prison. i made that promise, once, when he got new friends at kindergarten. i was upset he'd have fun without me. i remember clearly. that's one of my only childhood's memories. he sighed and say it didn't matter, because he'd always like me better. better than Deku, better than Kariage, Tsubasa, anyone, really. i asked if we would be together forever, and he said yes, of course, we'll be together forever.
there's a problem, however. something i've clearly not anticipated. the problem is that, he'd changed. not so much, but he did. deeply and passionately, bakugou became cruel. truly mean. you wouldn't notice when we were young because that's the point of being a child, we're pure. we don't think. and i genuinely thought the way he was talking and treating others would change with growing up. he did not. it actually gets progressively worse. he's getting more and more aggressive every year. to be honest, he's a jerk. he's selfish, egocentric, powerful, smart. an asshole. and he's my boyfriend.
it was something like half a year ago, in the math class. realizing it's been six months makes my heart aches. whatever.
we've always been physically close, we've always more or less flirted, which was obvious from the kind of promises we made as kids, so when we had an opportunity to be alone for a sort of romantic moment, we kissed. it wasn't a crush, it wasn't pure love. it was just anticipated, since we were four. we never talked about it. about the way we knew. we simply, knew. since then, we've been dating.
that's why i also knew that our relationship would be doomed. we're dating, alright? he never knew anything before me, he most likely always pictured us together. he takes me for granted, which is true. meaning, he doesn't know how to love. he doesn't do that, he's not clingy, not romantic, not anything. we're just here. the fact that he's holding my hand is because our own friends thought we were joking, when we said we were together. there was no way he would take my hand in public for another reason than showing off. just to feel grounded. he's so performative it's making me sick.
i can't lie, i'm with him because i want to. i can't simply insult him. i wanted it, the relationship, the closeness, being chosen. the thing is, i'm not happy. but i could be if he wasn't a bully.
that was the whole devastating point of my despair.
when we were young, our ways got separated. we didn't spend our lives sticked together. since i was four to ten, yes, we did. we met again last year, at thirteen. the cursed age. it only took him three years to drown in violence, adopt his stupid friends he forced me to appreciate, and his unstoppable bullying. he used to hit people at kindergarten, but only to prove to others that he can fight and never more than one per person. he fought once with Midoriya when we were kids, he then just made light jokes. now, it's completely indecent. but it's not his whole fault. the reason i'm feeling so bad about it now, is that i've changed too. i can't stand this kind of behavior now, even though i didn't really mind when we were kids. because while he was becoming this confident guy, i was also being bullied in my new school. after being friends with Katsuki, you never know how to act around others. i've learnt that. when i came back, my spark changed. he never noticed.
but well, i'm still friends with midoriya. maybe once more a reason for my new personality. i was insecure about a lot of things like my quirk, so people thought it was obvious we would still be friends after all those years. everyone saw it except Bakugou. everyone. when we found each other again, it felt so good. pure. like if we were meant to be. but there was this one thing, the way he would never stop teasing me about anything, but so much worse to others. he didn't, even only once, reassured me about anything. he was pushing on my insecurities without even realizing. he was acting like those who made my life a living hell for years. that's why my feelings were flying away. because he reminded me of the thing i hated the most. not ideal for a loving relationship, isn't it? because i didn't mind before. i never minded the way he acted. but now he's worse, and i'm changed.
but people notice, in the end. his cold persona is under public light. why? because he calls me by my last name. he couldn't even be bothered to call me by my first name. so i do too. it's awkward, you know, people think we do that to prevent rumors going on too much. they don't realize it's only because he's unattached. he used to call me 'eijirou' back then, but when we met again he didn't. i could try to call him by a nickname or whatever however i'd probably end up blown up. i rather call him Bakugou.
i finally arrived home, stopped walking my endless neighborhood and jumped in the shower, only to overthink again and over again. when i got out, i saw a text from Bakugou. weird. did something happen?
« whats wrong? » he texted. was he worried? that was.. surprisingly touching.
« i'm fine, imma sleep rn »
« you think im stupid now? youve been tired for weeks. » i frowned. it shows that much? i should learn to lie better. though, he answered immediately for once.
« it's jst school i swear! »
« you better not keep anything from me. »
« i would never »
he left me on seen. it was the longest text conversation we ever had.
we don't have the 'goodnight and good morning' thing. he's not really that type of guy, he barely uses his phone. it's fine with me, at least he speaks to me in real life. it's better than texts, because i can read his face.
« hey, man. what's up? still tired? »
one of his friend, kariage, started walking toward me, while addressing me a tiny smile. i sighed.
« i'm fine, seriously, thanks. »
« try to reassure Kacchan, then. »
« he can't be that worried. » but my voice was getting hopeful.
« no, he ain't worried. he's concerned about himself. 'feels like you're hiding something. »
« jesus, he's never giving up, does he? » i sighed once more, he raised a frown.
« hey, you've been acting kind of strange lately. you guys squabbled? »
« not really. i don't.. want to talk about it. » i scratched my neck. i can't say anything, he'll definitely tell Bakugou.
« so there's something. you're not the 'tired' type, you don't even work in class. seemed fishy to me. » he said it with a reflexive look, like if he really thought about it. i wonder who the hell does he think he is to me.
« anyway, don't talk about it to Bakugou. i don't want to start something. »
« don't worry, i can keep a secret. » he was the less trust worthy person i knew, and the gaze he gave me didn't reassure me. that man will fold under no pressure. he started a mime of himself locking his mouth before throwing the key away. « but ya know, you can't escape the 'serious conversation' forever. if there's something wrong, you should talk to him. »
« i get it.. » why couldn't he mind his business? but i was too much polite to ask. « i just don't want him angry at me. »
« anger is Kacchan's basic feeling, he needs it to survive. he'll be even more mad if you keep him waiting for your lil' secret. »
i thought a bit about it. in the end, he was right. he will kill me either way.
« yeah, i guess you're right. i'm dead anyway. »
« ah? »
Bakugou walked past me and Kariage, the exact moment i talked. the latter decided to walk away with a sign, and leaving me here alone. ha.. was it bad luck or destiny? Bakugou stood in front of me before i could find an excuse. « talk, dumbass! why you'll be dead? »
« it's just.. » i laughed at little considering the stress. i decided to be honest. « we were talking about you. »
« why? » he frowned. he also seemed in a bad mood lately, i shouldn't push him too much, therefore, i decided to lie.
« you know, i.. forgot.. your birthday? »
he blinked. his shoulders relaxed, but he still didn't seem to believe me.
« you know i don't give a shit about it! »
i smiled. « well, you didn't forget mine. i feel bad.. »
he sighed and closed his eyes, like if he was annoyed and relieved at once. he put his hands in his pockets.
« you were weird because of that? you're seriously that dramatic? »
« 'sorry, Bakugou. i just couldn't get it out of my mind. » which was true in a way. birthdays are important for me, but he insisted i shouldn't do anything for him.
« i thought it was something that i did! »
the guilt ate me over, seeing his face, the little bit of pain in his voice.
« what! no, you didn't do anything wrong! » i felt like it was the truth, when i said it. « i just felt bad because i think you deserved something! it.. has nothing to do with something you did. »
he grunted, before slightly caressing my hand with his. just a touch, and it was already wonderful. there was no one in the corridors for him to show off, it was just for me.
« you're really stupid, you know that? »
« never got that one before, haha. »
the bell ringed right before he could add something. it stopped him, which was annoying. he didn't continue afterwards. though if we stayed there a second longer it could have get awkward.
« hey.. do you want to, like, come over one day after classes? watch a movie? as a birthday night.. » i played with my hair, i looked down, i smiled. i wasn't use to asking things, he was the one ordering rendez-vous, usually. at least i wasn't afraid of showing my real feelings, which were confusion and timidity.
« i just told you i don't need that! »
« and i told you that i want to watch a movie with you! you don't have to overthink everything.. »
he paused. classmates started to flow everywhere, someone pushed him and he clicked his tongue.
« tomorrow? » he finally asked.
« um, yes, why not? » he was unsurprisingly quick about it. he wanted things done fast.
« your parents will be there? »
« i don't think so, they've got some kind of musical to watch. »
the class representative then yelled at us to go to class, and got insulted by Bakugou. though he still walked to class without looking at me again. i guess it's settled then. we've got a date.
maybe it'll be the good moment to talk to him about his odd habits. to make things clear.