Chapter Text
One, two... a thousand words.
"Shit," I muttered as the pen tip broke. I had been in front of the notebook for more than two hours when the words came to me in a spiral of inspiration. Before I knew it, another hour had passed.
The front door squeaked, and Billy appeared in his ugly cowboy shirt. "Doesn't he have any other shirts?" I thought. He stood in front of me with all his beauty, and I didn't know what to say other than a simple "hello." He sat next to me, and his presence filled the entire room. The next two hours passed by in a blur, and I wished with all my heart that he wouldn't leave, that those and all the subsequent nights when we wrote the songs for Aurora would be our everyday routine.
But I was very wrong, because in this story of addiction and desire, Billy was a married man. Life had screwed me over too much to bring me the right man with all the flaws that would slowly destroy us. That was Billy and me, two natural disasters ravaging in the same room."
"I'm going home," Billy announced and left.
It was already too dark to order food, so I grabbed a bottle of tequila and drank until dawn. I hated how he always wanted to have the last word in every adjustment we made to the lyrics, and above all, he believed he owned the band. Nobody stood up to him, The Six was for and by Billy. That was over. I wasn't going to write an album about Billy's wife, Camila was incredible, but there were more things to talk about.
I felt dizzy with the sweaty smell of my companion next to me... wait, I didn't remember inviting any man last night. I must have forgotten. He moved towards me, seeking me with his hand, and his touch annoyed me. I asked him to leave.
I looked at the time and it was 8:50 in the morning. I was running late and Billy would already be in the cafe, so I left home as soon as possible and drove with the scorching California sun. Billy was already sitting with the menu in his hands.
"Hi," I greeted him and sat opposite him. He smiled at me in response and passed me the menu.
"Order whatever you want today, I'll treat you to breakfast," he announced.
The waitress took our order. It only took two seconds for Billy to say he had a new song in mind, something about rain and his wife, but I didn't really pay attention.
"No."
"I haven't even shown you the complete lyrics," his annoyed face said it all. "Just read the lyrics before dismissing it completely."
He passed me a notebook with scribbles, it was good, but we already had too many songs about love and hope. I wanted something different that was pain, desire, and drugs.
"Enough with the romantic and hopeful songs, Billy. We need something different from 'Honeycomb'."
He snorted and his eyes lit up with something I couldn't decipher.
"What do you propose then?"
I smiled. Of course, I knew what we should talk about.
"Rock."
"Rock? I don't understand."
"Enough with the ballads, we need to rock and talk about broken hearts, anger, and pain."
"I don't understand why that's better than 'She is rain'," said Billy, confused.
I sighed, Billy always had to make everything so complicated.
"I'm not going to write a whole album about your woman, Billy."
"It's not about Camila, actually."
"Then whose is it?" I tried to sound less sarcastic.
"I'll tell you if you're honest with me too."
"Okay," I nodded, and he gestured for me to continue with his hand.
"What makes Camila so special to you?"
"She's too good for me, you know that. You know what she did for me."
"I don't know."
"I wasn't there when my daughter was born, not even for a while after, because I was in rehab. But Camila was always there and she forgave me. I don't want to fall again, that's why she's always present in my songs and in all my music."
"It seems like you're afraid of falling again and you've turned your family into your new addiction," I commented.
There was an uncomfortable moment of silence while they brought the food. After breakfast, we went back to Teddy's house, but we couldn't write anything during those hours.
"How about we take a walk?" Billy suggested.
We left the house and he drove along the coast. The waves were furious at that time of night.
"You're right," Billy said out of nowhere. "About my family. I've turned them into an addiction and I'm constantly thinking about not failing. There's not a single moment when I don't blame myself."
"It's over, Billy."
"I know, but it's so ridiculously exhausting, and that idea haunts me," he stopped the car and looked me in the eyes. "I know I'll fall and I'll fail my girls."
"I'm also afraid of failing, of my mother's words coming true. That I'm just a pretty redhead without talent."
He put his hand on my shoulder and I on his, we looked at each other... we comforted each other. After that, he cleared his throat and weakly smiled at me.
"We should go to the beach."
"Yes."
We got out of the car and saw the shore. I looked at Billy for a long time. He looked really tired, I could understand perfectly well, the fear of failing. We stood like that for a long time until it was time to go back. I got into the car, Billy looked at me and didn't give it any importance or maybe he just wanted to feel like it didn't matter. But it did. I must say it was a subtle touch, but from that moment on I longed for his touch, dreamed of his touch and stroked the desire to feel his touch every day until Camila went to the studio and I realized the reality.