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Death had stopped for Yeonjun. He never felt it stop, but it had. It was hard to figure out, let alone come to terms with it. But when he observed how his peers were getting wrinkles, when his family was getting smaller in shape with age, and he had seen more winters than he should’ve while looking the exact same, he understood it.
At first he thought it was a blessing. Never being able to age at the prime age of 23, not being able to get hurt even if he tried. It had to be a gift from the Gods. The Gods had to be rewarding him like this for enduring his father’s beatings and working his ass off in the mine to get some food home. He was always a good son and a man with faith. His creators were finally acknowledging him.
He knew what it meant to be the way he was. He was not going to have a family, nor was he going to be able to settle in the same place forever. However, as he had always wanted to get out of his small town to go somewhere far away from his family, that sounded like a small price to pay. The thought of being untouchable as he travelled the world and lived out his fantasies made him ecstatic. He prayed and thanked the Gods for this grace.
Yet, only a few decades later, he would be cursing those same Gods that he was praying for.
Because he met Soobin.
His Soobin, who was the kindest soul he had ever met. His Soobin, who opened his house to Yeonjun when he had introduced himself as a traveller. Soobin, who was as lonely as Yeonjun was. Soobin, Yeonjun’s one and only. Loving Soobin was so easy, but losing him never was.
Because see, death had stopped for Yeonjun, but hadn’t for Soobin.
Now rather than a blessing, it felt like a curse worse than anything. Yeonjun was cursed so that every time he reached out for Soobin’s hand, he would disappear. Every time he chased after him, he would fly away. And each time hurt like it was the first time. Watching Soobin’s soul slip away from his body, the body that remembered Yeonjun, always pained Yeonjun beyond anything he had ever experienced. Many times, he held Soobin in his arms as he took his final breath and Yeonjun hated, he hated the Gods more than ever.
It wasn’t fair.
If Gods thought that this was a blessing, then why did Yeonjun deserve it and not Soobin? Why couldn’t they both have it? And if they thought that it was a curse, what could Yeonjun possibly have done to be worthy of this horrible fate? Having to witness the meaning of your whole existence die was easy on the tongue. Experiencing it first hand was devastating. Having to go through it countless times, however, was nothing but torture; the worst hell on earth.
Yet, Yeonjun would still go after Soobin, without fail. Every time he came back, Yeonjun would find him. No matter how many times he had to witness his one and only love wither away or perish in pain, he didn’t care. He wanted to be with him and would bear the consequences.
Strangely, every Soobin he had met was the same. The same exact person. The same looks, the same attitude. And every time Yeonjun got close to him, he felt like nothing was missing. He was complete. Until the day he would be gone again. And the cycle would repeat.
In one of his lives, Soobin had whispered “Can you let me go? I want to go.”
“Am I keeping you here?” Yeonjun replied.
“I feel it. And I’m keeping you here.”
Yeonjun told him that he was going to keep looking for him no matter how many times he was reborn. Soobin didn’t remember that, not once. But what if the next time he did? What if he wondered why Yeonjun lied to him? What if Yeonjun stopped reaching out to him and Soobin felt incomplete?
He remembered Soobin telling him in another lifetime that all his life he had felt so empty. He felt like an outcast, no one understood him. And meeting Yeonjun was like finding his other half.
What if Yeonjun stopped looking and Soobin felt empty forever?
Yeonjun didn’t know how to let him go. He didn't want to. At this point he didn’t know anything else but loving Soobin. He was immortal after all and he had accepted being immortal long ago, for the rest of eternity. And meeting Soobin again and again was his only purpose. It was selfish to keep doing this when Soobin had directly told him to let him go but he was a useless man with no life of his own. His life was Soobin’s. He was going to keep being selfish, for a few more lifetimes maybe. Until he was ready, or ceased to exist.