Work Text:
"Can I shoot now, eomeoni ?" The little girl whispered, holding the bow.
"Not yet, let it walk a little further from abeoji ," Dam-i replied, eyeing the rabbit a few meters from them as she crouched beside the girl and helped her hold the bow. Not far from it, stood her husband, talking frustratedly to the animal.
Dam-i knew that, realistically, the chances of Eun-ji accidentally shooting her father were surely very small. Even so, it was better to be safe than sorry.
Ji-un let out a loud sigh, crouching while he tried to reach the rabbit again, only for it to skip further away. It seemed like he had given up, running the back of his hand on his forehead.
Maybe they could try shooting now.
"Eun-ji-ah, are you ready?"
••••••••••
It was the middle of the afternoon when Eun-ji had come back inside the house, quietly asking her mother if they could practice archery in the woods. Eun-seo, her older brother — and twin —, had come into the room not long after, making equally pleading eyes as his sister's, and Dam-i couldn't help but give in.
Winter was coming in full force soon, and this would probably be one of the last few sunny days before the temperatures started dropping and the snow reigned over everything. By then, their only option would be staying inside, so Dam-i figured it wouldn't be so bad to indulge her children this time.
As if she hadn't done it every time.
Together, the three went up to the woods, with the twins shooting arrows against the trees as Dam-i helped them with their technique, or simply watched them have fun. Being the one who taught them how to shoot, she had no shame in admitting that her children were pretty good with their bows.
Years ago, in the midst of the turmoil that was her head, Dam-i had promised herself that she would do anything in her reach to keep those two small lives safe. That, no matter what, they would have a good life, filled with love, and that they would never have their willpower taken away from them. Like what happened to her.
Whatever it took.
There were many times when the thoughts of not being fit for motherhood filled Dam-i's mind. What if she neglects them? What if she hurts them? What if she doesn't do it right? During her life in the palace, childrearing wasn't something that she ever allowed herself to consider. Lee Hwi should reign, not bear children or take care of them.
Even if the orphan and courtmaid Dam-i daydreamed about it sometimes, of having a family and a quiet life somewhere, it wasn't what Lee Hwi was supposed to have. Then, one day, she suddenly was Yeon-seon , with all of those past daydreams becoming true.
But she wasn't any of those three people anymore.
Eun-seo and Eun-ji came so unexpectedly, so soon, that all of those thoughts became amplified. Who she (He?) was before, who she would be from now on, who she was supposed to be. And it hurt.
It still does, sometimes.
But now, six years later, even with how hard things were at the start, Dam-i couldn't help but feel proud — and nostalgic — to see them grow up so well. And even more proud of being able to keep her promise. To watch them live well and happily like that was a blessing.
As they kept walking around and playing, the three saw a familiar figure chasing an animal. Dam-i smiled, getting reminded of a similar situation that happened in what feels like a lifetime ago, back when the twins were just a small bump in her stomach, still giving her a hard time eating.
Ji-un, in the middle of the woods, having little to no luck while trying to catch a rabbit.
Seeing his struggle, Eun-ji asked if she could help her abeoji by shooting the animal, and that's how they ended up watching him tell the stunned creature that it should just walk away.
••••••••••
A giggle from behind Dam-i had her stop Eun-ji's hand.
"Eun-seo-ah, you're going to scare it even more," she warned her son as the animal moved a little to the right, more aware of its surroundings.
It was the right moment to shoot.
"Do you want to try it now, Eun-ji-ah? You can let the arrow go," Dam-i instructed, with Eun-ji shooting right after, letting the small bow fall to her side.
The arrow missed the rabbit by less than an arm length, the animal long gone by the moment Dam-i looked for it. She was far more entertained by the fine screech Ji-un let out, falling to the grass as Eun-ji ran to him, laughing.
" Abeoji , you're so bad at hunting!" The girl hugged his father, urging him to get up.
" Aigoo , you guys scared me! Jung Eun-ji, is this how you talk to your own father?" Ji-un answered jokingly, standing up with his daughter in his arms.
Dam-i smiled as she got closer to them, Eun-seo holding her hand. "She didn't lie, though. I guess some things never change."
And she knew, by the smile Ji-un gave her back, that he also remembered that day.
Look how far we've made it.
"I told you I would be home before the sunset. You didn't have to come up," Ji-un said, getting closer and pressing a kiss against her forehead, his hand on her waist.
"It's alright, Eun-ji wanted to practice. I thought it would be good to do it before it gets cold."
"Yeah? Uri gongju did a great job today," Eun-ji giggled as Ji-un touched her nose. "You too, Eun-seo-ah. Abeoji is so proud of you two," he completed.
Ji-un had just started asking about their day when Eun-seo stopped walking, dropping his mother's hand.
" Eomeoni , abeoji , can we go to the beach?" Eun-seo asked, taking his sister's hand in his once she asked to be put in the ground. "It's not dark yet! Please?"
"It's going to be dark soon, Eun-seo-ah," Ji-un pointed. "What if we go home, eat dinner and then read a book? What do you think? I'll make something really good for us to eat!"
"But Eun-ji read that it's going to get snowy soon! She said she wanted to go to the beach when it's still fun…" Eun-seo explained as Eun-ji nodded. "And me too!"
Eun-seo was always so protective of his sister, hating to see her cry, and would always do his best to put a smile on her face. Even though he was young, Eun-seo knew that his sister was born with some health problems. Because of it, he always looked after her, trying to make her life a bit easier.
Most of the time, Eun-seo would be the one backing Eun-ji up in whatever she came up with, like today.
"Let's go, seobangnim . We're going to be with them anyway," Dam-i said, holding her husband's hand. "Just take care of each other, you two. Eun-ji-ah, follow your brother, okay?" The girl nodded. "And don't make Eun-ji run too fast, Eun-seo-ah. You know she can't. Abeoji and eomeoni will be right behind you."
"Yes, eomeoni ," the twins replied in unison, giggling before turning around and starting skipping their way to the beach, which wasn't that far away.
As the children headed out of the woods, their laughter echoing through the trees, Dam-i led the way with Ji-un's hand still in hers.
" Aigoo , puin ," Ji-un sighed. "If the bugs get them later, I won't be the one to apply medicine on their bites while they're fussing and crying that it hurts. I'll leave them to you."
Dam-i laughed. "It's alright. In the future, they will remember that they went to the beach and had fun, not that they were bitten by insects. Just let them be today," she looked back at Ji-un, smiling.
Just let them have what I didn't .
"And it's gonna get cold soon, you heard them," Dam-i completed. "We're gonna have all the time in the world to read when it's snowing."
"I guess you're right," Ji-un replied, kissing her hand with a smile as they rushed to the beach. "You always are."
••••••••••
"Thank you, Yeon-seon-ah."
"Hm? What for?" Dam-i turned to Ji-un as they sat on the sand, the kids chasing after each other next to the water. The sun would set soon, but she didn't have it in her heart to call them back.
"For being here. For hanging on and for coming back. Always," he smiled. "And for gifting me this life, allowing me to have Eun-seo and Eun-ji in it," Ji-un completed, taking Dam-i's hand and intertwining their fingers.
"We've made it, Yeon-seon-ah. They're here now, they're safe, and you're a much better mother than you give yourself credit for," Ji-un smiles, squeezing her hand.
"Ji-un-ah…" Dam-i couldn't help but tear up as she was pulled into his embrace.
Even if Ji-un always tells her that, today, at this moment, it sounds… different.
Being at the beach while the sun sets, right after catching Ji-un hunting — if you could even call it hunting —, but now in a completely different setting, makes Dam-i compare the past and present.
Back then, she had just made peace with the fact that she was, undoubtedly, pregnant. Nightmares found her every night, all mornings were full of sickness from something she couldn't cure, and the rest of the days were filled with worries and memories from the past.
Sometimes, Dam-i would dream that she was in the palace, with her grandfather holding a baby in his arms while she coughed blood. Or she would be that little courtmaid Dam-i again, seeing her own mother get killed. Or there would be a fire she couldn't extinguish, with a baby crying inside of it as Ji-un screamed.
And, almost every time, she would wake up without knowing where or who she actually was. During some days, Ji-un could only make her comeback by addressing her as jeonha . He would always apologize, like it hurted him to do that, but it was the only way she would snap out of it.
Out of fear .
That day, when Hyun, Kim eomeoni and everyone had visited, was one of the first times when Dam-i actually felt like herself back. She was feeling… good. Ji-un had helped her braid her hair and they went to the street market in the morning, where all the ajummas greeted them, talking about how Dam-i seemed to be glowing.
Her pregnancy still felt foreign, even though she could see the small bump in her lower stomach. Even though she smiled while Ji-un cried when they first felt it.
But it was getting better with time. And Dam-i was finally able to get out of bed that day, at least.
When she told Kim eomeoni that she would be a halmeoni now, and they both ended up crying later, it seemed like it would all be alright, somehow.
Dam-i didn't need to know what there was after the beach. Everything she needed was right there with her.
Then, today, she lived that day from six years ago all over again. And that everything was still with her.
But it was even better now.
"I know there are still some nights when you don't sleep, even if you don't tell me. And I understand why you won't do it, but I want you to know you don't need to carry it all," Ji-un said against her head. "We're safe now. All four of us. Eun-seo and Eun-ji are happy, incredibly smart, and they have parents that love them more than anything. Even if they have bug allergies," the last bit making them both laugh in the midst of their tears.
"I know you will worry either way, but you don't need to anymore, Yeon-seon-ah. Let's just… live happily, alright? We deserve it."
"We deserve it," Dam-i repeated, pausing for a little before continuing. "It seems like I can't hide anything from you anymore, apparently. I was so good at it before…"
Ji-un laughed. "Hey! Don't make fun of me because of that courtmaid situation! I was scared, alright?"
Dam-i extracted herself from his arms, wiping the last of Ji-un's silent tears with a smile.
"Alright, my love. I believe you. Now, come here," she said, before pulling Ji-un to a kiss, caressing his face.
It was chaste, with Ji-un putting his hand on top of hers as he tried to deepen it, showing his affection. Their children's laughter served as the background sound and, during that moment, it was just the two of them.
After some time, Dam-i broke the kiss, planning to gather herself to call the children and go home. They didn't move, though, keeping their eyes closed and resting their foreheads on each other's.
"Just know that…" Dam-i started. "I wouldn't trade it for anything. You. Them. When I said I was happy, back then, I really meant it. And I still am, everyday. No matter what happens."
"I know," Ji-un said, giving her a small kiss. "I love you."
Dam-i smiled. "I love you too."
" Eomeoniiiii !" Both Dam-i and Ji-un turned their heads to see Eun-seo running to them, Eun-ji trailing right behind, holding her chima . " Abeojiiiiiiii !"
"What is it, Eun-seo-ah?" Dam-i asked as the boy threw himself in Ji-un's arms, crying.
Since he didn't answer, Eun-ji was the one to explain, sitting between her parents. " Oraboni was bitten by a bug, eommoni . I told him not to run next to the weeds, but he didn't listen."
"And what about you, Eun-ji-ah? Are you hurt too?" Dam-i started inspecting her daughter's arms as Ji-un tried to soothe Eun-seo.
" Aniyo , eommoni . I didn't—"
"But abeoji , it hurts so much! You don't understand it!" Eun-seo cried.
"Yes, yes, I don't understand it," Ji-un sighed. "Let's go home so I can put some medicine in it. You will feel better then."
"Promise?" Eun-seo asked, sniffling.
Ji-un couldn't help but smile as he got up. "Promise, baby. Eun-ji-ah, put on your shoes and get your brother's too. You're not hurt, right?"
" Aniyo , abeoji ."
Dam-i got up, taking Eun-ji in her arms.
" Eomeoni , I'm tired… I want to sleep…" Eun-ji said, placing her head on the crook of Dam-i's neck.
"I know, my love. You can sleep if you want, just give me oraboni 's shoes so you won't drop them. We're going home now."
Dam-i placed a kiss on her daughter's head, knowing that, by the time they got home, the girl would be fast asleep in her arms. She did the same to Eun-seo, who had finally stopped crying. Hopefully, the bites wouldn't be so serious as in other times, and they would be gone in a couple of days, with the herbs they had at home.
As Dam-i took a step back, Ji-un mouthed an " I told you ." She knew that he would end up taking care of the bites anyway, but it was funny to see him visibly annoyed.
" It's alright, " Dam-i mouthed back smiling, placing a kiss on her husband's cheek before turning around and walking away from the beach, Eun-ji already asleep.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.