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They were on the sofa. Cristopher was already in bed and there was nothing more to do in the house. At least nothing urgent, nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow.
There was a game playing in the TV, but he wasn't really paying attention to it. He knew Buck wasn't paying too much attention to it either worried about how Eddie had been a little to silent all day.
Eddie doesn't know exactly why, maybe the date that tía Pepa had set up for him or that he finally realized why his attemps to date didn't really work out, but he knew he was about admit something that he had known for a little while. Something that was not avoidable anymore if he wanted to be happy.
"I'm not attracted to women." he blurted out.
Buck didn't responded immediately. He seemed surprised but Eddie didn't know if It was because of the suddenness of the statement or because of what he just said.
“Ok" Buck said finally. He seemed a little unsure of himself like he was looking for the right words to say to his friend.
However, Eddie couldn't let him. He hadn't finished talking yet.
“I'm not attracted to men either." By the time he had finished he felt like he was done running a marathon. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid he would have a panic attack. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. When he was more aware of his sourroundigs he noticed Buck's hand tracing circles all over his back. The feeling was so grounding that he could finally feel the anxiety subsiding slowly. He didn't know how many minutes they stayed there, sitting silent on the sofa. Buck patiently waiting for him to calm down enough to listen to his response.
"Eddie." Buck told him so sweetly and softly.“ Look at me, Eddie.” And how could Eddie deny him when he talk to him like that, full of love and care. “Thanks for telling me." He said and then kept silent allowing Eddie to decide if he wanted to continue with the conversation or move on from the personal topic.
“ Tía Pepa set me in that date because she doesn't want me to be alone. I suppose that she thinks I'm kind of lonely because I don't have a romantic partner. Hell, I'm terrified that I will be left alone once Christopher goes to university. But today you came here and brought us sandwiches from my favorite place, Karen invited me to her house this Friday just because she wants to complain about PTA moms, Chimmey send me a picture of Jee-Yun because he thought she looked like you when you're grumpy and Bobby invited us to a barbecue next week. And that was just today. So I'm not really alone. I have a family that I love and loves me back and that is enough." Eddie was out of breath by the time he finished.
When he looked at Buck in the eyes he realized the he was crying a little. He didn't want to see his friend sad so he gave Buck his best try at a watery smile. And that was enough for Buck. He came forward and enveloped him in a tight hug. And it felt so good so comforting so warm. It felt like home. In that moment he realized that as long as he had Buck as his friend he would never be truly alone.
“I'm happier when I'm not dating random people." Eddie said still in Buck's arms. "Shannon and I were friends for a whole year before I started to see her as something different than a friend. And even when we got together I felt comfortable enough just because I knew her and she knew me. For me sex has never been just sex and I can't do it If I'm not already in love with the other person . Does that make sense?".
"I'm not gonna pretend that I understand what you feel, but Eddie everyone experiences sexuality differently. There's so much more than gay and straight, and even then you don't have to label yourself to be valid." He paused then, considering his word. “Eddie you don't have to go on dates if you don't want to. Do what makes you happy." Buck took a deep breath and continued saying. “ I'm also not gonna tell you not to be afraid to be alone, because to be honest I'm also terrified of loneliness, so it would be hypocritical of me to tell you to get over it. What I can do is promise you to be there with you when the night gets a little to dark and you can't sleep or when you want to talk or when you want to celebrate. I'll be here for as long as you'll have me, Eds".
"Thanks, Buck. Can you stay tonight?" He was smiling now, his eyes watery but no because he was afraid but because he was so grateful to have Buck in his life.
”Of course " Buck responded smiling " I'll make pancakes in the morning"
Eddie had another realization in that moment. He was falling in love with his best friend. However he wasn't terrified of having a romantic relationship, not if it was with Buck. The person he loved the most only second to Cristopher.
This didn't mean he was ready to date him. He still needed time to understand himself, process his feelings and have a lengthy talk with Frank. But all the complicated things and crisis could wait until tomorrow. Right now the most important thing was that he had a family at the 118 that would never leave him alone and that he was with his best friend who would stay with him through thick and thin. A friend who would never leave alone and who would be there for him no matter what .