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It’s Flayon that brings it up first, funnily enough. He doesn’t say it outright but he’s lurking, just waiting for someone to bite the bait and ask what he’s doing to give him the chance to explain. And often enough, that someone ends up being Hakka himself.
“Flay, why are you registering a new account for ‘SpermoHater27’? I thought you already beat that game a couple months ago.”
“Perfect timing!” Flayon swivels around in his chair to face him, manic look bleeding into his eyes. “Some fucker named Spermo just raided my village! How dare he! I’m getting ready to beat his ass, but he won’t know it’s secretly me doing it so it’ll be even better.”
He gestured at the monitor in front him, banner flashing overhead about how “HK_SPRMO” visited his town.
“Uhh bro, I’m pretty sure he didn’t do anything. Your villagers all look fine.”
They looked better than fine, honestly, their little icons practically jumping for joy while looking all of Flayon’s new renovations. He probably made it even better than it was before while fixing things up. Was that a fourth cheese shop opening up in the plaza? What kind of town needs that many cheese shops? He’s pretty sure that only the exorbitantly rich and famous need to visit multiple cheese shops daily.
“I know that!” Flayon shouts, grumbling as he punches a new password into his keyboard with more than one symbol, a number, and a capital letter. “I would never forgive him if he hurt them. It’s about the principle of it. He attacked me first!”
“So your solution is to make a smurf account and attack him back.”
“Exactly!”
Flayon preens under his attention, practically vibrating with energy. He must really hate this Spermo guy.
“So it’s SpermoHater27 because…”
“Because 27 is my favourite number and Spermo is my least favourite person!”
Was it worth clearing up? No, not really, not when Flayon starts laughing and rubbing his hands together and reciting the Joker’s lines after registering his new account. He’ll just let him play this one out.
“Alright, have fun, loser. Bye!”
“Play with me some time Hakkaaaaaaa-”
He can still hear Flayon's pleas coming from the other room.
-
“What the fuck… Hakka, I think this Spermo guy is obsessed with me for real.”
Did he go too far? Honestly, he's not really sure what it is this time. And obsession is a little much, isn't it? He’s pretty sure Flayon's spent more hours playing now than he has pre-Spermo. At least he’s having fun though.
“What is it this time? Another attack? He better not have touched our café, that little rascal. Or worse, is he wearing another ugly outfit again?”
They had a field day pointing out how Spermo's avatar wore the ugliest possible combination of armour a couple days back. It was comically bad.
“No!! It’s like he’s in love with me or something. He keeps fucking complimenting me and sending all these nice letters to my mailbox! And gifts?! I’ve literally been kill farming his base all week! He’s so weird! I don't get it at all.”
Oh, right. Yeah, he draws the line at knowingly committing arson in his bestie’s village. Better to kill them with kindness as they say.
“Maybe he just thinks that murder is sexy,” he replies, ducking as Flayon takes a plushie off his desk and throws it in his general direction.
“Fuck you too, Hakka. You and Spermo.”
-
“When were you going to tell me?” is what Flayon greets him with the next time he sees him, pouting.
“When was I going to tell you what?”
For legal reasons, if anyone asked, it was not his idea to ask Magni to figure out how to brew an invisibility potion and it was not because he wanted to roleplay a Minecraft adventure in real life. No way, what kind of crazy person would do that? Haha. Definitely not him.
“About you being Spermo! My username is literally MachinaXFlaynyan, there’s no way you didn’t know it was me from the beginning.”
Okay, phew. No Minecraft.
“Well yeah, I knew, and the first time it was an accident, but then you hated him so much that I thought I’d just let you have your fun.”
Plus, it was fun to be there as he got worked up at every new Spermo development. Last week they printed out pictures of Spermo’s in-game avatar and doodled mustaches and devil horns on them. And then they threw them into the fireplace. And then cheered as they watched them turn to ash. Sometimes he even forgot that they were the same person.
“You let me call you Spermo for months and didn’t say anything.”
“It was funny though. And I didn't want to doxx my name when making an account like you do, Mr. Flaynyan. Spermo, Supremo, close enough, isn't it?”
“I'm literally a cat! The nyan is not optional! Besides, no one’s going to log into this game and think that's my real name.”
Flayon started opening up his folder of cat memes and alternated between pointing at himself and the cats as if to say no bro, look. It’s like looking in a mirror.
“You are not a cat. You’re just cat-like. And we can't all have crazy sci-fi names like you do.”
“HK_SPRMO makes you sound like an edgelord!” he retorts, finger pointing outwards like he's Phoenix Wright making an objection.
“Hell yeah, baby! I'm going to Itachi Uchiha your ass right here and now.”
Hakka closed his eyes and started doing hand seals to articulate his point. He was halfway through the Crow Clone Technique when Flayon interrupted him again.
“Hakka. You literally told me that you, and I quote, ‘want to kill that fucking Spermo guy and take revenge by stealing his birth certificate’ knowing that he was you.”
“It was funny! You hated him! I was commiserating with you!” Hakka refused to lose here.
“He was you! I hated you!”
“No, you didn’t. You can’t hate me, because I’m the cutest and coolest ever! You hated Spermo Gabingus Floppa Delfino McPlaza Blakka Flamingo Extreme Bird the First.”
“No…” Flayon trails off, fresh betrayal flashing across his face. “You let me come up with that nickname while keeping the truth to yourself! You sat in on my Spermo killing sessions!! You co-founded the Spermo Hater Club with me! Hakka, what the fuck!”
“It was funny,” he repeats again, insistent.
For his part, Flayon looks relatively unamused, but not actually that upset. He even perks up when he realises that it means that they can play together for real now without the pretense of one of them being Public Enemy #1.
It’ll be a little awkward (and still very, very funny) when their matching Spermo Hater Club t-shirts come in though, but that’s a problem for another day. He paid for that shit so he’s going to wear it whenever he likes.