Chapter Text
Ohm is one hundred percent aware that he's selfish.
He's not proud of it, the particular trait like an itch he can't help but scratch despite the flesh wound having been closed and the skin already healed.
He knows that Nanon has learned to live with it, alongside all of the little things that make Ohm Ohm.
The good, the bad, and the ugly, they always said, promising to stick by each other's side no matter what, an unspoken truce. They just never anticipated for the ugly to come out multiple times in a row.
And for that to only be caused by Ohm. Strike after strike, month after month, the demons coming out and its biased claws only slashing his best friend by the neck. Ask Nanon and he would try to disagree, because that's just how he is, who he is, but it's admittedly true.
It's not even about January, it's everything else. It's last year, it's the recent couple of months, it's the little days in between.
Ohm is tired of excuses.
Tired of making excuses for himself, justifying how much hurt he has caused to the people he loves, making up for it with something else, only for him to do it again when he gets carried away.
What the hell is the point of walls if he's the one breaking it down himself as soon as he sees someone climbing it? No dismantling has ever been this painful, and he has to face the music: no one else but him is to blame.
So Ohm waits months to ponder over the decision, the weight sitting on him. It's not easy, but soon enough he finishes all the preparations.
One blink and the next he's at the side of a deserted street, walking behind Nanon.
It's almost midnight, quiet — save for a few honking cars, and cold — except for the heat of streetlamps above them. They're walking back to their cars after a quick mini fan meeting. Ohm is surprised they even still get joint schedules this late into the year, but every time it's announced to the both of them, Nanon gives a small smile but remains silent, so he does too.
Ohm has estimated it though. This is the only opportunity to ask. No cameras, no fans stalking, not even Nanon's family are nearby. They're completely alone, and Ohm would die if he let this moment pass.
⸻
Nanon drags his heavy limbs across pavement, telling his brain he's halfway to where he parked his car and that he's probably not even going to shower when he gets home and will pass out on his bed — oh Mark is going to kill him — when he hears Ohm say his name.
He turns around. "What?"
"Can I ask you for a favor?"
Nanon squints at a fast car's flashing light. It drives by them, and he regains his surroundings before answering. "Depends. I don't have any money on me."
Ohm suppresses a laugh. "It's not that."
He comes closer, steps tentative. Nanon is too fatigued to figure out anything, vision half-bleary. He's seen too many LED projects and too many hate tweets and too many annoying emcees for the past couple of weeks, his eyes are screaming for a break. But he waits.
Ohm peers at Nanon closely. "Can I kiss you?"
And that makes his eyes widen. Nanon cannot even begin to state how funny that is. Since when have they gone back to that point, that place of intimacy? Surely, Ohm has noticed that Nanon doesn't peck his cheek or put his arm around him anymore. They both don't do fist bumps and "good luck" hugs before going on stage to sing anymore either. Ohm is not dense. So why is he...?
Nanon raises an eyebrow, less challenging and more of an I don't care. Fine.
Nanon closes in on Ohm's personal space. He thinks he sees the latter stutter, but he waves it off as he presses a chaste kiss on Ohm's cheek.
Ohm blinks. "That's - that's not what I meant. Uh."
Nanon stares at Ohm, expecting to hear the next sentences. But Ohm only stares back, and only after a couple seconds when Ohm's gaze averts his for a bit that Nanon understands.
Not a simple press of the lips. With the way Ohm flushes, Nanon guesses a long one. A real kiss.
"I-" Nanon starts a decline, and then realizes Ohm asked for it as a favor.
Which is... odd. Ohm rarely asks for favors.
"Why?"
Ohm still doesn't return Nanon's look. "That's... part of the favor. Please don't ask why. Just a yes or no is fine."
Nanon enters Ohm's space again, tilting his head to meet Ohm in the eyes. He feels so distant and far away to Nanon now that he can't even guess what is going on in Ohm's head. Is he fucking with him? What kind of sick prank is this?
Nanon tsks. There's no point in deciphering the reason if Ohm himself doesn't want to give it. And personally, he wants to go home now.
He has to be out of his mind to agree. Or too tired of his mind.
"Not here," Nanon says.
He wraps a hand around Ohm's wrist and pulls him to the nearest alley which is just a couple of feet away.
It's so dark the only thing illuminating them is the faint white of Ohm's Burberry shirt.
Ohm presses Nanon against the wall, mouth set in a thin line, expression serious. It gives Nanon unusual chills (and yes, in a bad way), perhaps persuading him to even indulge him in this absurd ask. Why is Ohm acting like a meteor just crashed and the world is ending? "So that's a yes?"
This wasn't in any way part of Nanon's 2023 Bingo card, but okay. "Yeah."
Maybe while this is happening, Nanon can figure out why.
The hairs on Nanon's neck stand up when Ohm slides a hand around it, cupping his cheek. Ohm leans down.
"Are you sure?"
The question makes Nanon swallow and his eyebrow furrow, but he eventually nods.
The final gap closes.
Nanon loses his breath as he kisses Ohm back.
Surprisingly, it's a hungry kiss.
It doesn't even dawn on Nanon that this is their first kiss until several beats in when he has first gasped for air: Ohm does not kiss like Pat at all.
It's not the technique, not even the feeling — because Ohm gives as much emotion as he does when he's Pat, but somehow, it's 180-degrees different — it's just the pressure.
The stress or the push or the press. Ohm kisses him with intention, one that feels like Ohm has been trying to suppress or hide from Nanon, one that's subconsciously slipping out.
Nanon attempts to keep up, but Ohm turns his head the other way and Nanon can do nothing but act on his instincts: to reciprocate and to give back just as much, which prods Ohm further.
Further down, further deep. Eager and wanting. He catches Nanon's upper lip with enough suction that makes Nanon's mind lag. It's almost as if Ohm has been waiting for this for a long while.
A low musing makes its way to the back of Nanon's head about why Ohm would ask for this, but he brushes it off. It's too ridiculous to consider. Ohm can't be— he can't be in— with me? No.
Ohm's hands begin to travel everywhere: Nanon's nape, Nanon's back, caressing his arm up and down, fingers tangled in his hair. He hears a broken sound from Ohm that seems awfully close to a sob.
But Nanon manages to drown Ohm's noises out with his kisses, not letting any of it escape, claiming it as his.
Ohm kisses him firmly, deliberately; calloused hands settle on his waist and tug him closer. Nanon takes the opportunity to switch their places, pushing Ohm against the wall this time before closing the distance again.
It should terrify Nanon how their rhythms match perfectly well, their physical reactions unlike anything he's experienced before, but also so so awfully familiar. It should terrify him that his memory jumps back to the rooftop, them breathing together, except this is much, much realer. It should terrify him to learn how Ohm Pawat kisses.
But it doesn't.
At some point in the night, they're drinking each other in. It's too hazy to concentrate on anything else, blood pounding in Nanon's ears as all he can feel is Ohm sucking his tongue into his mouth greedily. Police sirens can sound a few blocks away and neither of them would probably notice. Nanon would just have to take deeper breaths from his diaphragm to let Ohm in more. Nanon's tongue dips in.
He doesn't know where this is coming from, and frankly he doesn't have time to care when Ohm's mouth is too kiss-bitten and apple red and a little string of spit on the corner tempts Nanon into licking.
One kiss has unbelievably transformed into... this, so filthy and tantalizing.
Maybe he's giving up his sanity in the process. Nanon blames this warm feeling on the fact that he hasn't made out with anyone in ages that's not for work.
Ohm pulls away, eyes still closed. Both are catching their breaths. The side of Nanon's mouth quirks up a little. This guy really is like a puppy, and he can practically see the tail wagging in front of Nanon.
Even if his best fri— Ohm is so unreachable to him now that he can't guess his thoughts, Nanon knows what the other means when Ohm is clearly expressing something.
"Sorry, I- I didn't m—" I didn't mean to pull away yet, I'm not done. Ohm's breaths get more desperate by the minute, mouth slack to ask for permission. "Can I- can I still...?" Can I kiss you again?
Nanon discards the barely formed thought that he likes seeing Ohm like this (glassy eyed, lips swollen, practically panting into Nanon's mouth), and responds by pulling him by the waist and crashing their lips together.
He really still doesn't understand what this is, given other possibilities for the reason why. Maybe Ohm just isn't getting laid, the sexual frustration seeping in and Nanon is the first one he has set his eyes on and it's a quick favor between two overworked guys. A "no one has to know" ordeal.
But with the way Ohm kisses him slower this time, thumb brushing his cheek tenderly, nose pressing harder and tongue pleading with Nanon's — it doesn't seem like it. Ohm is taking his time, softer as if he doesn't want to let go, as if he's afraid of letting go, as if letting go would mean...
Something. Nanon has zero clues as to what that something is.
He feels Ohm melt in his arms when Nanon bites his lower lip, pulls it harshly, then dives back in to flick a tongue in the other's mouth.
A rush of electricity courses his bones when, for a moment, Ohm lets out a whimper, and his mouth just so happens to be centimeters away from Nanon's ears.
There's also a second-long instance when he thinks Ohm was about to move to Nanon's neck, a feathery kiss so close to the sliver of skin, making him shiver.
Nanon must've imagined it, just as he must've simply imagined Ohm holding himself back from pressing his lower body against Nanon. (Which is a bit of a relief, because to be completely honest, Nanon admits he might've grinded back, overcome with a new layer of desire he wasn't ready to unlock yet.)
But Ohm slows down in kissing him again, and slows and slows until it seems like he's just playing, and Nanon considers slapping the other on the arm when he feels teardrops trickle down Ohm's cheek.
Nanon is about to pull back to inspect when he feels Ohm's hold tighten as if to say, "Don't."
So he doesn't.
The tears stop. The cries stop and are replaced by grunts. Ohm nibbles on Nanon's lip, not getting enough. Nanon's fingernails drag over Ohm's arm, and Ohm takes that as a cue that this is nearly over.
Eons pass and they pull away.
Nanon becomes entranced with the look in Ohm's eyes when the latter finally opens them. He realizes this isn't a Pat habit.
Ohm's hands remain cradling the sides of Nanon's face. This is the moment Nanon sees everything else: their disheveled state, the air thick.
Ohm smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
Silence.
They remain standing like that, two figures lost in the dark alley, with nothing to look at but the disarray of each other, how much they've become blissed out by just kissing.
Just kissing. Nanon wants to laugh.
He doesn't have the courage either to break the silence, so he lets them stay there, their panting gradually settling.
Nanon hears a sharp intake of breath that's not his.
"Thanks," Ohm croaks out after another minute of silence. "I owe you one."
He sniffs and wipes his dried tears away, avoiding eye contact with Nanon, as he escapes from where he's trapped against the wall.
"Just, um, just tell me when you want to cash in on the favor, okay?"
Nanon doesn't know how to react. As if this whole thing was as normal of a favor as it could get. Seriously, what is up with this guy? "O-kay."
Ohm starts walking out of the alley, dusting himself off. Cold breeze hits him in the face.
"I'll... see you tomorrow?" Nanon asks.
Ohm turns around and smiles weakly, taking a while to speak. "See you."
It doesn't feel like an actual answer to the question, but Nanon doesn't prod any further and lets Ohm walk away.
Nanon doesn't see him the next day.
He has a 5-point schedule the whole day, so from 6 AM to 6 PM he has not touched his phone. Photoshoot for a new brand he's become the presenter of, pitch meeting with P'X for a 2024 project, brainstorming session in the studio with P'Bright for a song collab, more filming for RISER promotions, and soundcheck for a live performance — his longest set so far.
After rehearsal, P'Kwang takes him to a spare dressing room. She tells him he has half an hour to himself as she gives him the change of clothes he brought with him to the venue.
So, when Nanon opens Twitter, he sees an announcement that makes his stomach sink.
It shouldn't be a surprise: Nanon rarely even uses Twitter anymore. Instagram is much better, all of his work and home friends and idols in one place. Nothing good ever comes out of Twitter anymore, the "#โอมนนน" hashtag making his right eye twitch, and only likes either pretty pictures of Jennie from Blackpink or strange views from Mini Archillect.
It's at the top of his feed.
Ohmpawat @ohmpawatt • 9h
Nanon rubs sleep from his eyes to make sure he's reading it correctly.
It's a statement saying Ohm has terminated his contract with GMMTV.
The tweet is direct and semi-formal, admitting he initially didn't want to tell anyone (colleagues and friends alike) and leave quietly but that would make his fans confused and wonder where he would be. So, he at least owes this to them. At the end is Ohm saying thank you to everyone, whether they've supported him since the start to the end or if they only stuck around for a year. He finishes it off with one reply to the tweet: "Please don't worry about me krub. I want everyone to smile happily together on their own from now. Please give love and support to other artists' works. 🧡"
Nanon leans back on the couch.
What the hell? He wasn't fucking informed of this.
Nanon taps on Ohm's hashtag, looking for a direct explanation. In a matter of a few minutes of scrolling, he learns: 1) Ohmpawat_Family FC has discontinued and Ohm himself coordinated with the admin to make sure of it, 2) Ohm's Instagram and Weibo accounts are unavailable, 3) that he gave back to the fans as many of the gifts he has received as possible (he couldn't return the anonymous gifts), 4) that a lot of users are hounding him and in the quote retweets of his original farewell tweet — "he's doing this for pity after his scandal, it's a marketing stunt and an image cleanup and he'll come back with a bigger project on GMMTV the coming year!" — and 5) that so many related accounts like translators who are running for Ohm are stepping down or closing. Everyone is speculating the reason for his decision, stumbling upon threads and threads of analysis.
The ground beneath Nanon's feet moves and spins. His heart is a drum he can't settle. What the fuck, what the fuck. That bastard is leaving. That—
"Asshole," Nanon whispers, vision becoming blurry. "You're so selfish."