Work Text:
The best Intel Natasha has ever gathered happened entirely by accident, or fate or destiny. Some sort of divine providence anyway!
Natasha and Steve were tailing a mark who used to be a SHIELD higher up that was possibly (Fury's word) probably (Hill's word) Hydra. She was in Natasha's opinion too boring to be Hydra but Steve was on a hunt Hydra hiatus from his sad chase his BFF all over Eastern Europe obsession so...
Natasha obviously did not need the help but Steve's terrible attempts at being a spy were funny.
Their mark was at her hot yoga class in a very hipster part of Brooklyn and although he would deny it Steve by his very nature is a hipster.
They entered an odd little hole the the wall place across from the yoga studio. It was a silly mix of arcade/ slushy bar/ and cereal buffet. It was called Cereal Killers which made Natasha giggle. (Not that she is a serial killer or anything she just likes puns)
Natasha ordered some fruit loops and a mixture of cherry and cream soda slushy, Steve looked confused and ordered "the blue one and some granola" Boring
They sat and watched the studio Natasha tried her best to pull conversation out of Steve but he was being a big pain in the butt. Natasha sent him off to the arcade so he could be a downer somewhere else.
She was doing an excellent job hacking into the bank accounts of the woman they were tailing when the barman wearing a leather apron and an unironic twirly mustache came over to complain that Captain America was going to end up breaking one of the games.
Natasha never likes to assume anything but she honestly expected Steve to be punching the ever loving poop out of packman! But what she discovered was far better than she ever could of anticipated.
Steve Rogers, Captain America, bonafide hipster was straight Killin it on Dance Dance Revolution. Natasha is not afraid to admit that she was shocked she might of even said a bad language word!
Natasha sat with her new found Intel for some time, waiting for the best time to use her information. she knew that Steve was a skilled fighter and surprisingly sprightly for an older gentleman but his frankly incredible aptitude for early 2000s arcade sensation Dance Dance Revolution is Intel that should be used carefully.
Hawkeye aka the best sniper in the avengers probably the world was having a very bad no good day.
He had broken his leg climbing something he had been told not to and his dog lucky had to spend the night at the vets because he is just as clumsy as Clint and follows him everywhere.
Natasha invited both Clint and mopy Steve to Cereal Killers. Steve disappeared into the arcade as soon as they got in and Clint ordered a slushy that had a little of all 46 slushy flavours because he has impulse control issues, and probably some kind of ADHA but she hasn't had him tested yet.
Natasha sipped her peach and strawberry lemonade slushy while Clint tried to down his 60oz lurid green slushy in one gulp. Once enough time had passed and Clint had recovered from brain freeze Natasha helped him hobble to the back of the bar where Steve had attracted a sizable crowd.
"HOLEY SMOKES" Clint exclaimed as he beheld the the truly incredible Dance Dance Revolution skills of Steve who now held every spot on the leader board.
The next time Natasha had to use her very special Intel was when the Falcon aka the Mother hen of the avengers was having a very bad no good day.
Sam had just returned from inspecting a bad guys lair in Crimea with Steve and unfortunately they didn't find what they were looking for nor did they find anyone they could politely ask their questions.
Steve was gloomy because he missed his BFF very much and sometimes this made him cry, because Sam was Steve's other BFF he was sad too, so Natasha took them both to Cereal Killers.
As was now the custom Steve would disappear into the depths of the arcade.
Sam choose to have an apple pie slushy and some Cap'n Chruch because he was going through a phase of being very committed to the role of Steve's side kick (Natasha personally thinks he was over compensating)
She had Blue raspberry and mango slushy and some Coca Puffs. One they had eaten their Cereal and had a whinge she lead Sam into the arcade.
"You have got to be fudging kidding me!" Sam said mouth agape as Steve executed a perfect triple axel whilst not missing a step.
So Natashas special Intel was no longer just hers but she was using her knowledge for the greater good of the Avengers morale.
The next Avenger in need of cheering up was none other than the smartest Avenger! Ironman
Tony was having a very bad no good day, Rhody was fighting monsters on capitol hill and Pepper was fighting monsters in Silicon Valley, and Tony without anyone to look after him was was starting to cause very little mostly harmless explosions.
Happy begged Natasha for help so she had him take her Tony and Steve to Cereal Killers.
Steve of course went to the back of the bar right away. Stark ordered a humongous coffee slushy and Natasha made him eat some Wheaties.
Once Tony had eaten some food Natasha took him to the back of the bar.
"What the pooping H E double hockey sticks is old man Rogers doing?" He asked
Because Tony now knew about Steve's special Dance Dance Revolution powers he installed a super soldier proof Dance Dance Revolution platform and their very own cereal buffet called Bifrosities.
Sometime later once The Winter Soldier joined the Avengers Steve's reign as the best at Dance Dance Revolution came to an end.
You see when Bucky joined the avengers him and Steve didn't really talk to each other, mostly Steve staired longingly at Bucky and Bucky stared blankly at Steve.
That all changed one day when Steve and Natasha got back to the tower after a very boring meeting, Natasha suggested a few rounds of Dance Dance Revolution, she wasn't as good as Steve but she unlike the boys didn't need to be the best at everything.
But Steve did like being the best at Dance Dance Revolution so he got a little upset when he got to Bifrosties to find out that instead of being top of the leader board he had been replaced by Bucky.
For days Steve tried to beat Bucky only to find himself knocked off the top of the leader board every morning. He was getting cross!
It all came to a head one night whilst everyone was asleep Bucky snuck down to beat whatever score Steve had set that day, but little did he know Steve was hiding in the rafters waiting for him. Predictably Steve could not get the drop on Bucky and they battled.
Winter Soldier Vs Captain America
"Who do you think won?" Natasha asked
Morgan Stark never made a rash decision probably get that from her Mom.
"I think uncle Bucky won" she decided eventually
"Well your wrong, neither of them won because they didn't fight properly they ended up just cuddling" Natasha shrugged, Morgan didn't need to know that uncle Bucky and uncle Steve had sex on the Dance Dance Revolution platform.
"So who is the Avenger best at telling bedtime stories?" Natasha asked feeling slightly foolish for being nervous waiting for a five year old to validate her.
"It's still Uncle Bucky" she confirmed solemnly "your ending needs work" Natasha employed her Red Room traning to hide her disappointment.
"Well better luck next time, I guess" she kissed Morgan goodnight and slipped out of her bedroom to find Bucky leaning against the wall smirking.
"Nice try паук"
"Go fudge yourself soldat"
Natasha shlepped into the elevator feeling defeated.
"Pardon me Agent Romanov" Jarvis entombed gently she looked up to acknowledge him "I greatly enjoyed your story, I especially appreciated the part where you made sir eat a nutritional meal."
She smiled Jarvis could be such a sweetheart. "Thanks Jarvis, could you take me to Bifrosties please"
"Certainly Agent Romanov, I recently had the Blackcurrant Widows restocked they are our most popular cereal"
"Your my second favourite Avenger Jarvis"