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Kenny growled down at the file that Informatrice had slipped him with the command to review it the night before. He had woken up late that morning, and that meant the file had been sitting out all day on his coffee table, where it had glared at him since he got home from class.
Informatrice had been doing her damnedest to make more organized files lately, mostly thanks to a few recent incidents that didn't fit Professor Chaos’s usual MO. Kenny hadn’t managed to catch anyone in the act yet, which left who committed the crimes a blanket mystery. Museums had been broken into and stolen from, but the objects taken weren’t pointless frivolities, fires had been set without a single colorful firework or sparkler in sight, and important political figures had been threatened, but no silly videos had risen up in exchange for their safety, whoever this was, was an actual supervillain, not just in it for shits and giggles, and they were good at it. Kenny was almost nervous… almost.
He was mostly just confused, Luckily, he had Informatrice, and apparently whoever this mystery figure was had been writing out and scheduling their plans, and only used a couple of burner emails for encrypting. Informatrice almost thought it was a trap, but quickly confirmed it wasn’t using some crazy hacker nonsense that Kenny couldn’t keep straight in his head. According to the file and the schedule, Whoever this villain was, they were planning a strike, a big, public one.
Some high-up, more money than brains, family was hosting some big masquerade ball for their friends in one of the fancy event halls of the city, and the Villain was planning on blowing the whole event, literally, over 200 people's lives snuffed out in a moment if they succeeded. Normally, Kenny wouldn’t bother going in as a guest, he’d prefer to sneak people out before the explosion and leave foiling the incident to the bomb squad, but it may be their only chance to get a look at the perpetrator. Which left Kenny with a question,
“How the hell am I gonna get in there?” he murmured to himself as he rubbed his eyes, only to jump as a series of quick knocks floated from his door. He groaned before stashing the file under one of the couch's mismatched cushions and opening the door to a panicked Bebe.
“What do I have to do for you to do drag for me?” she said suddenly, cutting off Kenny before he could even speak. For a moment he blinked at her,
“First off hi, good to see you too,” Kenny smirked, “and Not much but can I get context?”
Bebe groaned, “My fashion professors being a bitch about this stupid assignment.”
“Oh?” Kenny stepped aside and Bebe entered, dramatically draping herself over the couch,
“Ugh!” she groaned into the couch, “So basically the assignment is to make two pieces of evening wear for two different people and have them wear it for a night, unFORTUNAtely, it needs to be one girl and one guy, and she's determined to be a BITCH about it.”
“So you need someone who can comfortably and convincingly become a woman when you have several female friends…Because?” Kenny asked, sitting over the other edge of the couch,
“Tolkien agreed to wear my suit, but none of the girls can go to the actual party he’s going to, and-”
“It needs to be the same event?”
“Exactly.” Bebe groaned again.
“What party is he even going to?” Kenny asked,
“Some big ass rich person masquerade dance,” she waved her hand,
Kenny's heart suddenly picked up, “That one on the twenty-fifth?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Oh, I am so down!” Kenny grinned, and Bebe brightened up,
“Really?” She asked, pushing up and almost glowing in excitement,
“Aw Hell yeah!” Kenny glowed, “How often do I get to do drag for rich people?”
“OH Thank you thank you thank you!” Bebe threw her arms around Kenny's shoulders,
Kenny snickered, “Just make sure I can move my arms and shit in the dress, ok?”
~~~~~~
M : ive got a way into the party
I : WTF
I : HOW?
M : im just that good
~~~~~
Kenny hummed to himself, inspecting his makeup, before sighing and checking himself over again. Bebe had tossed him a dress and shoved him into a side room of her’s and Wendy’s house for him to change in. The rich violet dress was high-necked, but sleeveless, barely brushed above his ankles, and featured a long slit that reached his midcalf, surrounded by floral appliques.
He looked pretty damn good if he did say so himself. He just needed a way to sneak his staff and some other odds and ends in.
Just as Kenny was trying to get his staff to stick under his bra without being too obvious, there was a knock at the door,
Kenny panicked, flinging his staff under one of the tables in the room before squeaking out a,
“Come in!”
“Hey, Kenny?” Bebe poked her head in before she froze and blinked, “that's incredible.”
“Aw, thanks!” Kenny smiled, “So what's up?”
“Right,” Bebe brightened, before holding up a large box and a large pile of tuile, “look what I got!”
“What is that?”
“Put your arms up and I’ll show you!”
Kenny obeyed, lifting his arms. Bebe kneeled down in front of Kenny,
“If you make a joke Kenny, I will slap you,” she said, reaching her arms around his waist,
“I said, nothing.” he smiled, as she tied a bow into whatever she was wrapping around his waist. She stood back,
“Tada!” Bebe glowed, as Kenny hummed, lifting a large amount of the tulle skirt off the floor,
“Oh, this is adorable.” he gasped, before spinning,
“Right?” Bebe smiled,
“So why’d you make the skirt removable?”
“Easier transport!” Bebe squeaked.
The pair glared at each other for a moment.
“Ok fine, I only modified the underdress, but I was supposed to make a new one, so we're covering it up and hoping no one notices.”
“Pfft ok,” Kenny smirked as Bebe put the box on a table,
“I need to make sure Tolkien looks okay, there are some more accessories for you to put on in the box!”
“Got it, I’ll be out in a second!” Kenny smiled as Bebe slipped out of the room, before sighing again. Something in his coat buzzed.
I : Mysterion, are you there yet?
M : workin on it
I : UGHHH
Kenny snickered, pulling out the rest of his supplies for tonight, before retrieving his staff from under the table with his foot. He smiled, lifting up all the fluff of the skirt.
M : good news is, ive got a way to sneak in my weapons and stuff
I : ok so exactly how much of a plan is there
M : uhhh like 12
I
: like….12 diffrent plans?
M
: 12 % of one plan.
I : We’re fucking doomed
M : itll be fine trice.
Kenny sighed, gently pulling on the gear now tightly affixed to his thigh, ensuring it didn't move, before dropping the skirt and putting on the other accessories Bebe had picked for him, a long pair of lilac gloves, a glittery masquerade mask, and some sparkly costume jewelry.
He slipped from the room and found Bebe fussing over one embarrassed Tolkien and Wendy watching amused, who perked up when he entered.
“Well look at you!” Wendy purred, and Kenny spun,
“Eeee!” Bebe squealed, before rushing over to check him over, “You look amazing, some of my best work if I do say so myself!”
“Well hey!” Tolkien smiled, sticking out his hand for Kenny to shake, “I don't think we’ve met.”
“Tolkien,” Kenny said, plainly, and Tolkien jumped back, shocked,
“Fucking hell Ken” Tolkien gasped, clutching his chest jokingly, “I didn't recognize you.”
“Yeah, that's kinda the point isn't it?” Kenny smiled,
“Do Stan and Kyle know you're doing this?”
“Not a damn clue.”
“Oh, that's hilarious.” Tolkien smiled
“Please don't tell them.”
“I will not.” Tolkien smiled, “so are we ready to go now?”
“I’m ready!” Kenny glowed,
~~~~~~~~~~~`
“Well damn,” Kenny whispered, looking around at the golden light and fancy suits,
“Overwhelmed?” Tolkien asked, snatching an hors d'oeuvre off the tray of a passing server,
“Lil bit.” Kenny scanned the heads of the crowd. It was then he realized he wasn't quite sure what he was looking for. For a moment, Kenny mentally swore, before he noticed a group of figures in black overalls and strange-looking masks disappearing down a hallway.
He perked up a bit at the likely villainous figures,
“See someone you know?” Tolkien asked,
“Something like that,” he muttered, before setting off after the pair.
“Ok have fun.” Tolkien muttered as Kenny left, “Good luck pass-”
Kenny wondered for a moment what he had said before someone took his hand and scooped him into a dance,
Kenny messily followed the dance, the many memories of Butters trying to teach him to dance played out in the back of his mind as he was clumsily tossed from partner to partner until someone took one of his hands in theirs and wrapped their hands around his waist.
“Your footwork needs work there my dear.” A familiar voice purred into his ear.
“Chaos?” His heart dropped, “how did you?”
“I know your jawline, and that look of pure panic in your eyes.” Chaos growled, before snickering, “For someone so graceful in a fight, you seem to have two left feet when it comes to dancing.”
“I wasn't planning to be dancing tonight, Chaos.” Kenny growled as Chaos spun him, “Why are you here?”
“Eh.” Chaos shrugged, “Either to steal hors d'oeuvres or commit arson, I haven't decided yet.”
Kenny rolled his eyes, followed by a moment of silence where Kenny examined Chaos’s outfit. Chaos was done up in the proper black tie attire, save for the short, swishy cape he had draped over his shoulders, held in place with silver lightning bolts, and the teal and gold mask that covered the upper half of his face.
“Would it be inappropriate to say nice tits?” chaos asked, suddenly cutting the silence.
“To anyone else yes, but not to me, these things were expensive.” Kenny held back a smile, “Can you get me over by the ice statue?”
“Why?”
“Chasing an actual villain.”
“Well, that's rude.” Chaos huffed, but began to push Kenny toward the statue anyway, “What kind of villain constitutes an "Actual villain" in the books of The Great Mysterion?”
Kenny rolled his eyes, “Arson, Robbery, blackmail, terrorism.”
“I do all that!” Chaos stopped as the pair left the dancefloor, and Kenny dusted off his skirt,
“You do, but there's usually something profoundly stupid involved,” Kenny growled, before pushing off in the direction the figures had gone,
“Stupid!” Chaos squeaked, “I'll have You- what are you doing?” Chaos asked, blushing as Kenny began untieing his fluffy skirt
“Taking off the costume,” Kenny growled,
“Oh, you have pants- up, nope no it's a different skirt.” Chaos blushed as Kenny tossed aside the skirt.
“Problem?” Kenny smirked before turning around and walking away,
“Oh goodness, gracious Mysterion!” Chaos rolled his eyes, following after, “Where are we even going?”
“I’M going to the basement to stop this guy, you’re just following me.”
“Ah ok!” Chaos glowed, tucking his arms behind his back and following behind,
Kenny sighed, before he stopped, sticking out his arm to stop Chaos,
“What?”
“Door.” Kenny pointed at the door, “Definitely locked door.”
“How are we gonna get past?”
“I could probably pick the lock, but I don't see one.” Kenny hummed, leaning in and inspecting the door.
“Looks electronic.” Chaos mused, before putting a hand on the door before he, and the door crackled with electricity. Kenny jumped back with a gasp before Chaos pushed open the door with a smirk, “got it!”
Kenny glared at him for a moment, before sighing, “Thanks.”
“No trouble, plus that's breaking and entering off the bucket list.”
“You’ve never broken and entered?”
“You have?”
“Yeah?” Kenny shrugged, “were you never a teenager?
“NO, I was, I just never brok-”
Kenny shushed him as a quiet sound pricked at his ears. Someone was talking, giving orders to other people. He turned to Chaos and tapped his ears. Chaos cocked his head to the side, and Kenny sighed. He waved chaos to follow him, and the pair tiptoed toward the sound of people.
The pair peaked around the corner, watching a trio of people in black overalls and black, octopus-shaped masks unload-
“is that cookie dough?” Chaos whispered
“It's c4 chaos.”
“Oh… oh .”
Kenny sighed, kicking off his shoes before unsheathing one of his knives from his thigh. Chaos blushed again, as Kenny reared an arm back and threw the knife, which lodged itself in the wall next to the head of one of the figures.
“Shit,” Kenny growled, before pulling his staff out and expanding it, leaping out from behind the corner.
“wait Mysterion!” Chaos whispered, “Oh... hamburgers!”
Chaos jumped to the other side of Mysterion.
“Who the hell are you two?” the tallest figure asked, dully swaying from foot to foot,
“Not important,” Chaos growled, pointing a finger at the figure closest to him,
“Who are you three?” Kenny growled,
“We are those ordained by what dreams below.” The shortest figure cooed dreamily,
“And What dreams below has called for a feast.” the figure closest to chaos snickered, “whom are we to deny our patron's hunger.”
“A decent buffet worker,” Chaos growled and Kenny held back a snicker,
“So what, you're going to drop the dance floor and let anyone who dies be forfeit to what naps above?”
“Oh no no no of course not,” the tallet smiled, gesturing around at the c4, “these are just to set off the terminals on the supports, Everything is coming down and all are forfeit. ”
“I won't let you,” Kenny growled, lifting his staff up
Chaos’s opponent laughed, before leaping forward at him, Chaos screamed, dropping his point at the figure and pulling his other arm back, socking the figure in the face as they rushed him, knocking them back on their ass as Chaos gasped and shook out his hand from pain.
Kenny growled, before dashing toward the other figures. He pushed his staff up toward the tallest figure, jabbing them in the face, before digging the staff into the ground while spinning on the ball of his bare foot, kicking the shorter figure in the chest, who staggered back and grabbed a lead pipe from off the boxes.
Chaos’s opponent lept up and at him, so Chaos mimicked Kenny’s flashy spin kick, only to lose balance mid-spin and fall on his back. The figure he was fighting froze, before shrugging and trying to tackle him on the ground, but Chaos lifted his legs and dug his heels into their chest before flipping over backward, landing in a sprinter pose, just in time for his cape to gracefully cover his face.
The tallest figure wrapped his arms around Kenny, picking him up and compressing him tightly. Kenny growled, before knocking the back of his head into the tallest’s face and kicking back into the soft part of their knee. Then the figure gasped, falling back and letting go of Kenny, who stumbled forward, spun his staff, and cracked the swiftly approaching shorter figure in the jaw. The shorter figure fell over, landing in a heap on the floor, and dropping the unused pipe.
Chaos freed his head from the cape, only to be met with a proper tackle from his opponent. The pair slid back a moment and it suddenly became very obvious that his opponent had no idea what to do next, though, Chaos didn’t exactly have any bright ideas either until he noticed Kenny's heels sitting next to them. The air crackled as Chaos shocked his opponent, who lept up off him and dashed away before Chaos grabbed a shoe and threw it at them as hard as he could. The heel cracked against their head, and they fell forward.
Chaos cackled and glanced over to Kenny, who crouched above the tallest opponent, his staff against their neck.
The tallest figure began to snicker and hissed out something to Kenny.
For a moment all was still, then the figures began to dissolve into sand and soot, which mingled together and disappeared in an unfelt wind. Then Kenny sat on his hands and knees, his hands pushed hard against the cold metal of his staff.
“What did they say?” Chaos asked, offering Kenny a hand up,
“Ugh.” Kenny groaned, taking the help up, “Not sure, something about a prophecy, it's been a bit since I've practiced my R’lyethian .”
“A Prophecy?” Chaos hummed, before stiffening, “R’Lyethian?”
“Well yeah, cults to elder gods are gonna speak elder god.”
“Kay but why do YOU speak cthulhu?”
“High School was boring and I like freaking my friends out.” Kenny shrugged, neglecting to mention his dealings with other cults dedicated to cthulhu, and how he needed to pick up the language in order to eavesdrop on their meetings, “So now what?”
“D-did you not have a plan?”
“Plans sort of out the window now. didn't think I’d be dealing with a cult,” Kenny hummed, inspecting his surroundings, before pointing at the fire systems, “give me fifteen minutes, then set that off WITHOUT triggering the c4.”
Professor Chaos stammered for a moment, “What are YOU going to be doing?”
“Getting my disguise back on and having Informatrice call in the bomb threat.” Kenny smirked back at Chaos, “You know, it's a shame you’re a villain, chaos, we make a great team.”
Chaos huffed and rolled his eyes, but tossed Kenny his shoe.
Kenny smirked, before heading upstairs.
~~~~
M: Call in a bt?
I: On it,
I: How’d it go?
M: shockingly well
M: damn it puns
I: Was C there?
M: yeah but he was suprisingly helpful tonight.
I: He is so strange.
I: Call?
M: 5 minutes, update on the bt?
I: teams on their way, according to the scanners
I: did you set off the fire alarm?
M: easiest way of getting everyone out
I: clever
M: thank you
M: we can call now, im outside.
~~~~~
“Hello?” Kenny growled into his phone, relieved that everyone else was a good distance away,
“Hey Mysterion,” Informatrice’s familiar voice buzzed in his ear, “are you going on patrol tonight, or are you going to take a break?”
“Do I ever take a break?” Kenny snickered,
“Well, something happened you might want to check out.”
“Oh?”
“A ufo crashed in the south park.”
“Why would drive two hours into the mountains over a ufo?”
“No not the city South Park, the south park, the park on the south side of the city, over by campus?”
“Oh.” Kenny blushed, “Right I’ll go check it out, just let me chuck this dress back at my friend.”
“Wait, Mysterion your in a ball gown?”
“I am, in fact in a gown.”
“Did you fight in a ball gown?”
“Well, I’m wearing something a bit skimpier underneath.”
“Most people do Mysterion.” Informatrice sighed, and Kenny giggled,
“Right, I’ll go check it out in a bit”
~~~~`
“Trice.” Kenny gasped, staring up at what was half buried in the dirt of the park, “Trice, this is a spaceship.”
“I said UFO.”
“Yeah, I thinking weather ballon or something?” Kenny pinched his nose, “This is some goddamn alien shit.”
“So you're not going to look into it?”
“Never said that,” Kenny smirked, before walking around the ship.
The grass around was burnt, and swirls of blackish char spun out from the crash, casting a twisted star in the grass. At the end of one of the arms, was a small, burnt semicircle, with a set of burnt footsteps that disappeared after a few steps.
“Well.” Kenny shrugged, tapping his com, “Seems whatever happened here, has resolved itself.”
“Resolved itself?”
“yup.”
Informatrice was silent.
“I’ll meet you at Tweek bros,” Informatrice hissed, “You are going to fill me in on everything that went down tonight, ok?”
“Sounds like coffee,” Kenny smirked and left the ufo crash behind.