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Chapter Text

THE GRANDMASTER IS IN LOVE WITH MJ

LOGO JOKE: The Marvel Studio has different clips of the Grandmaster in Thor: Ragnarok…………And only the Grandmaster……..

The Grandmaster sat in his chamber watching the massive screen with his head in his hands. He was very much in love, like a teenager with a crush.

He was watching MJ working in the coffee shop.

Topaz just rolled her eyes. She thought, Not again !

“Isn’t MJ beautiful Topaz?” The Grandmaster sighed.

“The sexiest woman ever,” Topaz answered sarcastically. 

“Oh, I would love her to make me coffee anytime,” The Grandmaster sighed again. “I could watch her all the time.”

“You do watch her all the time,” replied Topaz. 

The Grandmaster sighed with love again………….and then…………

“Oh no! Not him again!” groaned the Grandmaster.

On the screen, it showed MJ getting shouted at by her boss, Mr Lawrence. An overweight, middle aged surly type.

“Miss Jones, I thought I told you to stack the boxes alphabetically!” he snapped.

“I did stack them alphabetically,” replied MJ. 

“She did!” The Grandmaster shouted at the screen. “It took her hours too!”

“NO YOU DID NOT!” roared Mr Lawrence. “NOW GET BACK THERE AND DO IT AGAIN, YOU STUPID BITCH!”

MJ looked upset. The Grandmaster was shocked. 

In his arrogance, Mr Lawrence knocked over the coffee cups from the counter and they all landed on the floor.

“AND PICK ALL THAT UP!” he barked at MJ. 

He stormed off leaving poor MJ with the mess that her boss had caused. An emotional MJ picked up the cups one by one whilst hating her boss with a passion. 

The Grandmaster couldn’t believe what he had just seen. 

“Topaz, that man did NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THAT!” he said with his voice breaking. “Oh he has ruined my day! HE HAS RUINED…………! Oh……………poor MJ, she didn’t deserve that……….”

The Grandmaster put his hand over his mouth and tried to fight back tears. Even Topaz was disgusted by Mr Lawrence.

“Why don’t we bring that arsehole here and you can use your Melt Stick on him?” she asked. “That should cheer you up.”

The Grandmaster thought about this. 

“Actually, Topaz,” he said. “I have a plan. It may take a week to prepare, and some friendly persuasion.”

“And by ‘Friendly persuasion’, you mean ‘kidnapping’?” asked Topaz. 

“Yes,” answered The Grandmaster. “Now let’s get to planning…….”

A week later, the news report revealed that there was still no sign of Ben Grimm, Elektra Natachios, Wanda Maximoff and Marc Spector, who all went missing a couple of weeks before.

Peter Parker and MJ were walking down the streets near Times Square. 

“Poor guys,” Peter said about the missing people. “I want to help. I wish I could use the help of the Avengers, the X-Men or Fantastic Four. But I can’t just call Nick Fury, he’ll just say no.”

“And I doubt Deadpool would want to help,” joked MJ. 

“Definitely,” said Peter. 

Just then, a massive beam came down from the sky and shone over Peter and MJ.

“Da fuq?” asked MJ. “Aliens? Is it the Skrull? I hope it's not the Kree.”

Peter looked up.

“I don’t know.”

Both of them were levitated off the ground and then……WHOOOSH! They skyrocketed upwards.

They went up and up and up……and then…………they saw the Earth.

“ARGH! We’re in space!” cried MJ in horror. “Wait? We can breathe in space?”

“Just like in Superman 4,” said Peter. “Even when I was a kid, I thought that part was dumb.”

The beam took them up and up and up faster and faster, until they saw the Cosmos. They went up and up and up and up and then………they saw the Planet Sakaar. The beam took Peter and MJ across the futuristic city. 

Then it took them through an opening inside the Grandmaster’s chamber. The beam deactivated, and Peter and MJ looked around. 

They saw The Grandmaster and Topaz. 

“Ah, the Human Spider,” greeted The Grandmaster. 

“It’s Spider-man,” said Peter. 

“My apologies,” said The Grandmaster. “And………….the lovely Michelle Jones.”

The Grandmaster held up her hand and kissed it. MJ looked confused. 

“What is this place?” she asked. 

“This is my city, I am her ruler, the Grandmaster.”

“What do you want from us?” asked Peter. 

“I have been watching you, Miss Jones, for some time,” explained the Grandmaster. “You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Plus you’re sassy, witty and full of spunk.”

“Ugh, don’t ever say ‘spunk’ again,” groaned Topaz. 

“Wait, you have been watching me?” asked MJ.

The Grandmaster pulled out a remote and pressed a button. The screen showed MJ doing all kinds of things like jogging, working out, reading a book, hanging out with Peter, working at her coffee shop and……….. to MJ’s horror……….her naked in the shower!

“YOU PERVERT!” she cried in horror. 

“What? You have nothing to be ashamed of, you have a great body,” the Grandmaster said, not feeling any remorse at all. “And I show these clips to the people of Sakaar, their favorite is the shower one.”

MJ was in even more horror. 

“YOU SHOWED THESE PEOPLE A VIDEO OF ME NAKED?” she cried. “OH GREAT! THE WHOLE UNIVERSE SAW MY PRIVATES!”

“Not the whole Universe,” said the Grandmaster.

“I hope you haven't got any footage of her on the toilet,” Peter said to him. 

“What? God, no!” replied a disgusted Grandmaster. “What kind of sick person do you think I am?”

“A SICK PERSON WHO FOOTAGE OF PEOPLE NAKED, YOU ASSHOLE!” roared MJ. 

Topaz pointed the Melt Stick at her. 

“Ah ah ah, don’t insult the Grandmaster,” she warned MJ. 

“Miss Jones, I know something that would cheer you up,” said the Grandmaster. “Topaz, bring him in.”

Topaz left the room and came back with Mr Lawrence, who was wearing a dog chain with a lease. Topaz yanked on the lease.

“What’s my boss doing here?” asked MJ. 

“Miss Jones, is this your idea?” asked Mr Lawrence. “Oh YOU WHORE! THAT'S IT YOU ARE FIRED!”

“Don’’t call Miss Jones a whore!” The Grandmaster snapped at him. “Strike him, Topaz. Strike him roughly.”

Topaz smacked Mr Lawrence in the face. 

The Grandmaster had the Melt stick at the ready. 

“Mr Lawrence, for the crime of being an absolute jerk, I pardon you of life,” the Grandmaster said as he touched Mr Lawrence with the stick. 

“Hey, what the hell is going…….ARGGGGHHHHH!!!! ARGH!!!!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!” 

Mr Lawrence screamed as his entire body melted in fiery goop. 

Peter and MJ were speechless. 

“Good riddance to bad rubbish,” said The Grandmaster.

He looked at Peter and MJ, who were still horrified at what they saw.

“I don’t get it,” said the Grandmaster. “He was a horrible person who treated you badly, now you’re upset that he’s gone?”

Peter and MJ looked like they were going to be sick. 

“I guess melting somebody is not a normal Earth thing to do,” said Topaz. “Cultural Differences.”

Peter and MJ just covered their eyes. The Grandmaster decided to get on with it. 

“Miss Jones, I understand that you are upset……..but this is because I have a confession to make……………It’s difficult for me to say, my heart is beating so fast……………..but……………I am in love with you, MJ.”

There was silence, MJ’s mouth dropped open. 

“Is this a prank?” she asked. “I hope this is your planet’s version of ‘Punk’d’.”

“I don’t know what ‘Punk’d’ is,” said the Grandmaster. 

“Consider yourself lucky, it’s terrible,” said Peter. “And you can’t force MJ to love you like this.”

Topaz pointer the Melt stick at Peter. 

“Mr Parker, I am the Grandmaster,” said his Jeff Goldblum-ness. “And whatever I want, I get…… And Miss Jones, I want to marry you and make you my Grandmistress.”

“I will NEVER marry a creep like you!” snapped MJ.

The Grandmaster grinned.

“I thought you might say that, because I have someone to make you change your mind,” he said. “Topaz, send in Miss Maximoff.”

Topaz left the chamber and came back with Wanda. The Scarlet Witch looked like she was in a trance.

“Wanda?” asked Peter. 

Wanda just stood there. She had a strange red mist above her head. 

“You can say whatever you want, Mr Parker,” said the Grandmaster. “But Miss Maximoff is in a trance, thanks to this…..”

The Grandmaster held up a strange book.

“It took a while to translate the spell in this book to make Wanda do whatever I tell her,” said the Grandmaster. “Now she obeys my every command. Miss Maximoff, make MJ fall in love with me.”

Wanda walked over to MJ.

“Wanda…….,” MJ was about to say to her. 

But the Scarlet Witch held out her hands. A red mist appeared over MJ’s head, and she too was in a trance. 

“MJ?” asked Peter. 

MJ didn’t reply.

“MJ!” cried Peter. 

No answer. 

The Grandmaster grinned as he pulled out the wedding ring. 

“Now, here comes the moment of truth,” he said as he got down on one knee. “Miss Jones, will you marry me?”

“Yes I will,” MJ said in her trance. 

The Grandmaster placed the ring on her finger. Topaz even shed a tear. 

“Oh you’ve made me so happy!” cried the Grandmaster with joy. 

Peter was devastated, and the Grandmaster looked at him evilly. 

“As for you, Mr Parker, you get to fight in my arena.”

Topaz took Peter to the dungeon. Once he was brought inside, Peter could see who was there with him:

There was Ben Grimm, Elektra, and Marc Spector.

“Guys!” said Peter. 

“Hey kid,” said Ben. 

Peter noticed that Marc was standing there at the corner with his arms folded.

“Marc Spector?” asked Peter. 

Marc turned around and gave Peter a disgusted look. 

“No, it’s his alter ego, Steven Grant,” Elektra told Peter. 

“I am NOT an alter ego,” snapped Steven. “Marc is!”

“Mr Teabag here doesn’t want to let Marc out,” Ben told Peter. “They’re not speaking to each other.”

“We all have to fight in the arena against the Grandmaster’s champion,” said Elektra. “So far, we all failed, except Marc.”

“All because Steven here won’t let Marc out,” said Ben. “All Steven does is huff and puff all day like a kid.”

Steven gave them the finger. 

“More like a teenager,” Elektra added. 

“Steven, why won’t you let Marc out?” asked Peter. 

Steven looked at Peter. 

“Oh, so Marc is better than me, is he?” Steven asked with his grudge turned up to 11. “I am sick of Marc taking over and making me look like a wimpy coward who gets his arse kicked all the time! He can bugger off for all I care! From now on, I’M calling the shots.”

“If you don’t let Marc out, we’ll never get out of here,” said Ben. 

“Tough Titty,” replied Steven. 

“Look, Steven, The Grandmaster has my girlfriend…….,” Peter tried to explain. 

Steven had enough.

“I AM SICK OF EVERYONE SAYING ‘PLEASE, I HAVE A FAMILY’ AND ‘PLEASE, I HAVE KIDS’, AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THAT THEY HAVE NO KIDS, AND I’M LEFT LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT AND EVERYONE LAUGHS AT ME! WELL, I’M SORRY IF THE GRANDMASTER IS GOING TO MARRY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, MR PARKER! YOU WANT MY ADVICE? GET A NEW GIRLFRIEND!”

Then he went back to standing at the corner with his arms folded.

Peter looked at Ben and Elektra, shocked. 

“What a jerk…….”

“Mmm,” replied Ben and Elektra. 

The door opened and a guard came in. 

“Spider-Man, it’s time to meet the Grandmaster’s champion.”

Chapter Text

Peter was told to get into his Spider-man gear. He pulled a small case from his pocket and opened it up. The small case had a tiny Spider-man suit inside. Peter had one of these before.

Thanks Hank Pym , he thought to himself.

“Anybody have any water?” asked Peter. 

Ben gave Peter a cup of water. Peter then took the tiny Spidey suit out of the case, and placed the suit on the floor. Peter poured a drop of water on the suit, and all of a sudden, the tiny suit grew into a normal 5’10 sized suit. Peter put it on and was ready to follow the guards.

The guards took Spider-man to the gate that led to the arena. Spidey’s heart pounded like crazy. Who was the champion fighter? 

The gate opened and Spidey entered the arena to a massive crowd of 20, 000 people booing him. Spidey looked around the massive arena and saw the Grandmaster’s seat. The Grandmaster sat between Topaz and MJ, who was still in a trance. 

The Grandmaster stood up and grabbed the mic. 

“My children of Sakaar…..”

Everyone cheered like crazy.

“This beautiful woman you see sitting next to me is my fiance, Michelle Jones.”

Everyone cheered again. 

“Who was once the girlfriend of Spider-man himself.”

Everyone booed Spidey again. 

“No matter,” said the Grandmaster. “I am a generous man. Mr Parker, if you beat my champion, you and the other fighters we borrowed can go free……”

Heard that one before , thought Spidey.

“But good luck with that,” The Grandmaster finished. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, the person you’ve been waiting for……!”

The crowd cheered louder as the other doors began to open. Spidey braced himself.

“........It’s my new champion fighter, the Hulk was taken by some handsome Lord of Thunder……..But my new, and dare I say better champion……..you know him……you love him…………….I GIVE YOU, THE………………..JUGGERNAUT!”

The doors finally opened to reveal the Juggernaut himself. The crowd cheered even louder than before. 

The Juggernaut walked over to Spidey. 

“Two New Yorkers, who will win?” asked the Grandmaster. “You know the answer to that one, folks. But nevertheless, enjoy the show!”

The crowd cheered once more as the fight began.

In the dungeon, Ben, Elektra and Steven could watch the fight on the TV. 

Hey, the Grandmaster did say he was generous. 

“It's squashing time!” the Juggernaut sneered at Spidey.

He dashed toward Spidey like a rhino, but the web slinger just fired a web into the air and used it to leap over the Juggernaut’s head. Spidey swung all around the arena using his long web as a rope. 

“Come back here and fight, dammit!” snapped the Juggernaut. 

How? Spidey thought to himself.

But he looked at the Juggernaut’s feet and had an idea. Spidey fired many blobs of web at the Juggernaut’s feet, more and more and more.

Topaz laughed. 

“You know what that sticky white stuff reminds me of, Grandmaster?” 

“Topaz, don’t be so vulgar!” replied the Grandmaster. “Although………..it does remind me of that scene from ‘The Boys’.”

Spidey fired more and more web blobs at the Juggernaut’s feet. Spidey then landed in front of the Juggernaut, ready to see him trip and fall over.

I’m ready to call ‘Timber’ , thought Spidey.

But the Juggernaut just ripped off the web from his own feet and threw it back into Spidey’s face. 

Then the Juggernaut ran over and punched Spidey, sending him flying across the arena. 

The crowd cheered. Poor Spidey just laid there on the floor, dazed. 

He then stood up, only to see that the Juggernaut was charging toward him. Spidey had no time to think as……….THWACK! The Juggernaut bashed into him. 

Spidey was thrown to the floor. But as soon as he got up………..THWACK! The Juggernaut bashed him onto the wall. 

“Dickhead, let me breathe!” snapped Peter. 

“Yeah, the Juggernaut does look like a dickhead,” said an audience member, referring to the Juggernaut’s rather phallic shaped helmet. 

Everyone started to laugh at Juggernaut’s head, more and more and more. The Juggernaut got angry.

“Oh no, not another heckler,” groaned the Grandmaster. 

“YOU BETTA STOP MAKIN’ FUN OF ME!” roared the Juggernaut. “OR I WILL RAM SPIDER-BOY’S HEAD UP YOUR ASSES!!!!”

“Dickhead! Dickhead! Dickhead!” the hecklers laughed and jeered at the Juggernaut.

That was it. The Juggernaut grabbed Spidey and chucked him at the hecklers. 

Spidey landed on the hecklers who were in pain. Spidey was able to stand and then he fired webs into the Juggernaut’s eyes. 

“ARGH! YOU LITTLE PRICK!” cried the Juggernaut. 

Spidey then leapt from the audience and kicked the Juggernaut in the face. 

Some people actually cheered……………and that made the Juggernaut mad. 

He grabbed Spidey and shoved into the floor. Then the Juggernaut raised his fist ready to pound him to death. 

“ANY LAST WORD, SPIDER-GIMP?” sneered the Juggernaut, who was ready for the kill. 

“Juggernaut is the winner!” announced the Grandmaster. 

“Huh?” asked the Juggernaut.

The guards ran in and grabbed Spidey and brought him out of the arena. The Juggernaut was not happy.

“NOOOOOOOO!!!!! I WAS ABOUT THAT POUND THAT PIECE OF SHIT!” the Juggernaut yelled at The Grandmaster. 

The Grandmaster was not happy. 

“Bring him to my chamber,” he told Topaz.

The Juggernaut was brought to the chamber where he got scolded by the Grandmaster:

“What have I told you about trying to kill the other fighters?” asked the Grandmaster. 

“I HAD HIM RIGHT IN MY……..!” the Juggernaut protested. 

“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TRYING TO KILL THE OTHER FIGHTERS?” The Grandmaster roared at him. 

The Juggernaut went silent. 

“Don’t kill the other fighters…….”

“And why is that?” asked the Grandmaster. 

“Because you need fighters for the arena,” sighed the Juggernaut. 

“Exactly,” said the Grandmaster. “THEN WHY DID YOU TRY TO KILL MR PARKER?”

There was another pause. 

“Sorry, it won’t happen again……,” the Juggernaut said feebly. 

“That’s what you said last time,” said The Grandmaster. “And before that, and before that and so on.”

More silence. 

“Mr Juggernaut, we have given you everything you ever wanted,” said The Grandmaster. “We gave you beautiful women, a massive apartment, all the streaming services the universe has to offer…………and this is how you repay me?”

The Juggernaut was lost for words. 

“I’m thinking about letting you go,” said the Grandmaster.

“WHAT?” asked the Juggernaut. 

“Your behavior is out of line and your temper is…….,” the Grandmaster began.

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME, I’M THE BEST FIGHTER IN THE……..!” The Juggernaut roared.

“MR JUGGERNAUT!” The Grandmaster roared back even louder. “THAT IS ENOUGH! NOW, AS PUNISHMENT, YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO THE WEDDING, AND I’M CUTTING 10% ON YOUR WAGES!”

“YOU………!!!” The Juggernaut was about to protest.

But the Grandmaster just looked at him. The Juggernaut said nothing. 

“Now, get out of here, and don’t even think about trying to kill anyone,” said the Grandmaster. 

The Juggernaut just walked out of there. He left the arena and headed back to his apartment. 

He just sat there on his bed hating The Grandmaster. 

He wanted to kill him…….badly.

Meanwhile, the injured Peter Parker was taken back to the dungeon. 

Elektra looked at Peter’s body, it was all cuts and bruises.

“At least nothing is broken,” said Elektra. 

“Just my heart,” sighed Peter in despair. 

“Hey, we’ll get out of here and save your girlfriend,” said Ben. 

Peter wasn’t so enthusiastic.

Steven just sat there far away, not giving a shit…………………….or so everyone thought. 

That night, Peter, Elektra and Ben went to sleep, but Steven was awake. 

He took out a small mirror and looked into it. 

“Hello, Marc.”

Marc’s reflection was on the mirror. 

“Look who came crawling back,” said Marc. 

“You were right,” sighed Steven. 

“How is everyone else?” asked Marc. 

“Don’t start…….,” sighed Steven. 

“And the Grandmaster?” asked Marc. 

“He’s gonna marry Peter Parker’s girlfriend,” answered Steven. 

“And what did you say to Peter?” asked Marc. 

There was a pause. 

“You selfish asshole,” said Marc. 

“I’ve been a prick,” said Steven. 

“Steven…….,” said Marc.

Steven took a deep breath. 

“I’ll let you take the wheel,” said Steven.

Marc smiled. 

“Thank you.”

The next morning, a guard woke up our heroes. 

“Alright worms, wake up!”

Peter, Elektra and Ben got up.

“Now which one of you wants to fight our champion fighter today?” asked the guard. 

No answer from Peter, Elektra or Ben.

But……

“I will.”

The guard looked at Marc.

“Mr Knight? You? We almost pissed ourselves from the show you gave us last time!” laughed the guard, who started to mock Steven. “Oh no! Mummy! Don’t hurt me! Pip pip!”

Marc grabbed onto the guard’s balls. 

“Listen to me, little girl,” Marc threatened him. “You tell that Grandmaster that I, Moon Knight, am ready for a fight. Now HURRY UP!”

Marc pushed the guard onto the floor. 

“Yes sir,” said the guard. 

The guard left the dungeon and Marc looked at Peter, Elektra and Ben. 

“Marc Spector,” he greeted Peter. 

“Peter Parker, Spider-man,” greeted the web slinger. 

“We’ll beat the Juggernaut and save your girl,” said Marc.

Peter smiled.

“Thank you, Moon Knight.”

Chapter Text

The crowd booed Marc as he was brought into the arena.

In their seats, The Grandmaster was in his wedding tux, and sitting next to him was MJ in her wedding dress. Topaz was in her bridesmaids outfit. 

“Good morning, my children!” announced the Grandmaster on the mic.

The crowd cheered as always. 

“Today is a very special day for me because I am getting married today………..and you’re all invited!”

Thunderous applause. 

“So I decided to give you all a treat this morning, yet another beating from the one the only, JUGGERNAUT!”

The crowd cheered again, and the doors for the Juggernaut opened. 

But the Juggernaut was not happy after being yelled at by the Grandmaster. 

However, the Juggernaut had a plan:

I’m gonna kill my opponent, and then I’ll kill the Grandmaster……..and maybe take over this planet! He thought to himself.

The Juggernaut walked out into the arena to his adoring public. 

But those hecklers were back:

“Dickhead! Dickhead! Dickhead!”

But this didn’t bother the Juggernaut because he was focused on his plan. 

He reached over to Marc and just laughed again. 

“Oh look, it’s the Limey!” The Juggernaut taunted. “This should be good. I’m gonna have fun beatin’ your ass like last time! We beat you guys in the War of Independence, and now I get to beat one of youse guys again.”

Marc looked at the Juggernaut, and grinned. Then bandages wrapped around Marc’s body. His cloak and hood appeared too. 

The Grandmaster and the audience were confused. 

“He didn’t do this last time,” said the Grandmaster. 

“That’s the fella with the Dissociative Identity Disorder,” said Topaz.

The Juggernaut looked at Marc in his outfit.

“Who the hell are you?” asked the Juggernaut.

“I’m Moon Knight, bitch,” said our hero as he took off his crescent darts from his chest.

He chucked one of the darts at the Juggernaut’s face and it hit him. 

The Juggernaut got angry.

He threw a punch, but Moon Knight dodged and leapt into the air. He punched and kicked the Juggernaut in the face over and over.

The Juggernaut was getting even more angry. He tried to pound Moon Knight on the head, but our hero was too quick for him and chucked his crescent darts into the Juggernaut’s leg.

The Juggernaut roared in pain. Moon Knight just pressed his hand onto the darts pushing them into the Juggernaut’s leg. 

The Juggernaut threw a punch at Moon Knight, but our hero dodged it yet again and punched and kicked the Juggernaut’s face several times.

“ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” roared the Juggernaut. “NOW, I’M REALLY PISSED OFF!”

“What’s new?” asked the Moon Knight as he pulled out the crescent darts from the Juggernaut’s leg. 

The Juggernaut was able to grab Moon Knight by the throat. 

Our villain grinned evilly, but………

SLICE!

The Juggernaut howled in pain, as Moon Knight sliced the villain’s wrist with his crescent darts. 

The Juggernaut let go of Moon Knight, and held his own wrist. Blood sprayed from the wound. 

The Juggernaut was more angry than before, he tried to hit Moon Knight, but our hero ran behind the Juggernaut and used the crescent darts to slice the back of the villain’s ankles. 

The audience winced in pain as they watched blood spray out from the ankles. 

Topaz just smiled. She adored violence. The bloodier, the better. 

More and more blood sprayed from the wounds in the Juggernaut’s wrist and ankles. And then he collapsed onto the floor with a massive thud. 

There was silence………………and then…………

“Moon Knight! Moon Knight! Moon Knight! Moon Knight!”

The crowd chanted his name. Moon Knight enjoyed the glory. He looked at the Juggernaut’s shiny metal helmet and saw Steven’s reflection.

“Well done, mate,” said Steven. 

Marc gave him a nod of approval. 

The Grandmaster was stunned. 

“I think I have found the Juggernaut’s replacement,” he said to Topaz. 

“What shall we do with the Juggernaut?” asked Topaz. 

“Use the Melt Stick on him,” answered the Grandmaster. 

Moon Knight then walked toward the door heading back to the dungeons.

He was met by the guards.

“Hey, that was quite a show, Teabag,” mocked one guard. 

“I thought you were a pussy,” said the other guard. “But man, you’ve…….”

THWACK! PUNCH! Moon Knight knocked them out and stole the keys. 

He used the keys to unlock the cell that held Peter, Ben and Elektra. 

“Thank you,” said Peter as he and the other began to escape. 

“Next step, save MJ,” said Moon Knight. 

He handed Elektra her sais.

“Thank you,” she said as she tried her sais around. 

At the Great Hall, the wedding was being prepared. There were guests all at their seats, and the Hall was surrounded by tables of food and drink.

There was also a concrete statue of the Grandmaster holding onto his Melt Stick. Beside him was another statue of MJ in a Sakaarian dress. 

The Priest and the Grandmaster were ready at the altar. 

Just then a guard ran up to the Grandmaster. 

“Grandmaster, there is no sign of the fighters or the Juggernaut,” he told him. 

“They might crash the wedding, stay alert,” the Grandmaster said to Topaz, who held the Melt Stick. 

The Wedding March began and MJ, with Wanda hand out, controlling her from behind, walked down the aisle. 

The Grandmaster smiled as this was the happiest day of his life. 

Once MJ and Wanda reached the altar, it was time. 

The Priest began:

“Do you, Grandmaster take Michelle…….”

“I do,” interrupted the Grandmaster.

“Do you Michelle Jones, take the Grandmaster to be your husband?”

Before MJ could answer………

CRASH!

The Juggernaut smashed his way through the doors.

The Grandmaster was not happy. 

“RIGHT, YOU ARE NO LONGER MY CHAMPION FIGHTER……….!”

But the Juggernaut just ran straight toward the Grandmaster, whilst knocking over the guests like bowling pins. 

“TOPAZ!” cried the Grandmaster in fear.

Topaz tried to touch the Juggernaut with the Melt Stick, but…..

PUNCH!

The Juggernaut punched her face so hard, that her head spun around like in ‘Death Becomes Her’. Topaz’ head was now backwards, and her neck was broken.

Her body fell to the floor.

The Juggernaut had now reached the Grandmaster and grabbed him by the neck. 

“SHUDDUP!” said the Juggernaut, as he chucked the Grandmaster across the Hall. 

The Grandmaster’s body was impaled onto the concrete statue of himself.

The Grandmaster couldn't believe it as he saw the concrete stick sticking out of his chest, with blood oozing out. 

Spidey, The Thing, Elektra and Moon Knight made it into the Great Hall, only to see the dead body of Topaz. 

The Juggernaut looked at them.

“I’ll be off on a kill frenzy, I’ll catch you fuckers later,” the villain gave them the finger, as he smashed open the massive window with his fist. 

The Juggernaut then ran into the city, terrorizing the public. 

The wedding guests all wept as they saw the body of Topaz. But they wept for their Grandmaster.

Spidey, Moon Knight, Elektra and The Thing all walked over to him.

“Well, you had it coming, prick,” The Thing told him. 

“I………….know………….,” gagged the Grandmaster. 

He was losing more and more blood. 

“Where is the book to control Wanda?” asked Elektra. 

“Over there at th…….. that table………..,” gagged the Grandmaster.

Elektra walked over and picked up the book. She opened it and looked at the strange language written. 

“Can anybody speak this language?” she asked the other hopelessly.

Moon Knight looked at the book.

Just then, he turned into Mr Knight.

“I can,” said Steven’s voice. “It’s ancient Sumarian.”

He began to read from the book.

The red mists above MJ and Wanda’s heads began to disappear. They were back to normal again. 

Peter had tears of joy as he ran over to MJ and hugged her.

“MJ!” he wept.

“Erm…………what just happened?” asked a confused MJ. “The last thing I remember was meeting that creepy Grandmaster guy and………OH MY GOD!”

She saw the body of Topaz with her head twisted. 

“Oh,” gagged MJ. “I’m gonna puke!”

“Don’t look at her,” said Peter. 

MJ closed her eyes. 

Wanda walked over to Mr Knight.

“Did you read from the book to break the spell?” asked Wanda. 

“Yes,” said Mr Knight. 

“Thank you,” said Wanda. 

“Big fan,” replied Mr Knight.

Wanda and MJ saw the dying impaled Grandmaster. 

“Mr…………………..Parker………………?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Spidey. 

“Do me a favour…………..would you…………..?” wheezed the Grandmaster. 

“Yes?” asked Spidey. 

“Treat MJ right…………….,” wheezed the Grandmaster. 

“I will,” said Spidey. 

“Also………………………..,” the Grandmaster wheezed one more time. “................stop the Juggernaut………………….Save my People…………………….”

And the Grandmaster was no more. 

There was silence. 

Then our heroes walked over to the massive window, and they saw the Juggernaut beating people up, killing them, and even grabbing the hecklers from the arena.

“I’m gonna rip you in half now,” said the Juggernaut.

Our heroes looked away as they watched the Juggernaut tear the hecklers a new one…………so to speak. 

Spidey, MJ, Wanda, Moon Knight, Elektra and the Thing knew they had to stop the Juggernaut and save Sakaar.

Chapter Text

Citizens ran for their lives down the street as The Juggernaut caused havoc. He grabbed onto people and either squashed them together, or he threw them into buildings. 

People ran into their cars and drove off for dear life, but there was one family whose car wouldn’t start. The Juggernaut grinned as he spotted his victim.

“HONEY, START THE CAR!” cried the wife.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M TRYING TO DO?” her husband cried back. 

Their kids were in tears of fright as the Juggernaut walked closer and closer. 

The Juggernaut picked up the car and threw it towards a building. 

The family inside the car closed their eyes as they awaited their doom.

But as the car reached the building ready to crash into it, a massive web appeared catching the car inside it. The family looked out of the car windows and smiled. 

“SPIDER-MAN!”

Spidey opened the doors and helped the family get out of the car and brought them to the ground. 

“Hey SPIDER-GIMP!” barked the Juggernaut as he charged toward our web slinger. 

But as soon as our villain reached him.

“IT’S CLOBBERIN TIME!”

THWACK! The Thing punched the Juggernaut in the balls so hard, that he vomited.

“Why do men always puke when you hit them in the balls?” MJ asked Elektra.

Elektra shrugged and pulled out her sais. MJ had the Melt Stick ready.

“Remember, try not to touch anyone with that,” Elektra told her. 

MJ watched Elektra as she ran toward the Juggernaut.

Elektra is so cool , MJ thought. I’m dressing up as her for Halloween.

Elektra climbed onto the Juggernaut and started punching him in the face. 

The Juggernaut grabbed onto Elektra, and he was ready to pound her with his other fist. 

But his other fist was stuck in mid-air. Why couldn’t he move it?

He looked behind him and saw the problem.

Wanda was using her telekinetic power to control the Juggernaut’s fist.

“Scarlet Bitch!” snapped the Juggernaut.

Wanda then used her power to make the Juggernaut’s fist punch into his own face over and over and over.

“Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself,” laughed Wanda. 

The Juggernaut then chucked Elektra at her and she landed on top of Wanda. 

“I’m gonna squash you sluts!” said the Juggernaut as he lifted his foot ready to squash Wanda and Elektra. 

But Moon Knight’s crescent darts hit Juggernaut in the face. The villain was really mad now.

“YOU! YOU MADE AN ASS OUTTA ME!!!!!!” The Juggernaut barked at Moon Knight.

Moon Knight looked at Mr Knight’s reflection on a car rear mirror.

“Nothing more pathetic than a sore loser,” said Mr Knight

“I’m gonna shove those gold thingies down your throat and make you shit them out!” said the Juggernaut as he walked toward Moon Knight.

As Juggernaut walked closer to Moon Knight, Spidey shot out a long web to trip Juggernaut up. The Juggernaut fell forward on his face. 

MJ had the Melt Stick ready to shove it into Juggernaut’s ass. But as she got closer…..

PAAAAAARRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!!!

The Juggernaut let out a smelly cheesy eggy fart. Everyone coughed and retched. 

The Juggernaut then got up and pulled the web off his feet. 

He pounded the ground, causing an Earthquake…..or a Sakaarquake. Everyone fell down on the ground. The Juggernaut grabbed Spidey, MJ, Wanda, Elektra, The Thing and Moon Knight and squashed them all together. 

“I’m gonna crush you pricks like a sandwich!” The Juggernaut said with an evil smile.

Our heroes were getting crushed, more and more. They couldn’t breathe.

“Never thought I was going to die like this,” gasped MJ.

“At least we stopped the Grandmaster from marrying you!” gasped Spidey.

“Peter………I love you!” gasped MJ.

“I love you too, Michelle!” gasped Spidey. 

“It’s been a difficult life, friend,” Steven said to Marc.

“Sorry if I can be harsh most of the time!” gasped Marc.

“I know we’ve had our spats now and again, but I am glad to have you as a friend,” gasped Steven.

“You’re a good friend too, Steven,” gasped Marc. 

Our heroes were getting more and more and more crushed……..

“Any last words, assholes?” The Juggernaut sneered.

But then our villain felt something hot on his back. 

Very hot.

It was …………..BURNING!

The Juggernaut looked down and to his horror………….his leg was melting!

Wanda was using her power to lift the Melt Stick and had touched the Juggernaut’s leg with it. 

“YOU WHOOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!” cried the melting Juggernaut as he let go of everyone.

They all landed onto the ground and watched the melting Juggernaut.

“Yeah, I do have one thing to say,” Steven said to the Juggernaut. “Laters, gators.”

The Juggernaut screamed as he was being melted. It was only his hand left. It gave our heroes the finger, and then……………the Juggernaut was gone. Melted into fiery goop. 

The citizens of Sakaar knew it was safe to come out now, and they applauded our heroes. 

Spidey, MJ, Wanda, Elektra, The Thing, Marc and Steven waved to the people. They were honored. 

That night, a funeral was held for both the Grandmaster and Topaz. Peter, MJ, Elektra, Ben, Wanda, Marc and Steven were there too. The people wept as the Grandmaster’s body was being burned in the great fire. The Grandmaster wanted his ashes to be in the Sakaaran museum. He wanted Topaz’ ashes to be beside him too. 

Later that night, both urns were put in the museum. The news had reached all over the galaxy. 

Many people made their tributes to the Grandmaster.

The next morning, Sakaar’s scientists brought Peter, MJ, Elektra, Wanda, Ben, Steven and Marc into their lab where a transporter awaited them.

“This will bring you back to New York,” one of the scientists told them.

“Thank you,” said Peter. 

“Thank you for saving our city,” said the other scientist. “And before you all go, could I trouble you all for an autograph?”

“Sure,” said our heroes. 

Our heroes signed a massive poster which had all the Avengers and Wakandans fighting Thanos and his army. 

“Takes me back,” said Peter. 

“Miss Maximoff,” a third scientist, who was a 21 year old man. “I just have to say, I loved that magician’s outfit you wore in Episode 2 of Wandavision.”

“I get so much fan mail about that,” replied an honored Wanda. “Both from Men and Women.”

“Didn’t one of the fan letters say ‘Thank you, I no longer have erectile dysfunction’?” asked Elektra. 

Wanda smirked. 

“Miss Jones, forgive me but what was it like when you were under that trance?” asked a fourth scientist.

“Dude, I literally have no idea,” answered MJ. “It’s like……..have you ever been black out drunk before?”

“Yes,” answered most of the people in the lab, including our heroes. 

“You have a black out, and you literally have no idea what just happened,” explained MJ. “Same thing.”

“I hope in your black out, the Grandmaster didn’t make you do graphic stuff,” said The Thing. 

“Like what?” asked MJ. 

“Like a threesome with him and Wanda,” said The Thing. 

“Okay, TMI!” groaned MJ. 

“Or like…….,” The Thing suggested with a smirk. “Ever seen the ‘37’ scene from ‘Clerks’?”

“OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH!” shouted Peter. 

“Ben, shut up,” said Elektra. 

“Okay, just yanking your chain,” said The Thing. 

After they signed their autographs, our heroes were ready to go home. 

The scientists turned on the transporter, and a beam sent our heroes away from Sakaar and back to Earth.

When they arrived home, everyone was happy to see our missing heroes again, especially the Fantastic Four, the Avengers and SHIELD. 

“Good to see you, rock dick,” said Johnny Storm.

“Likewise, fireballs.” replied Ben.

Our heroes, the Avengers, the Fantastic Four and members of SHIELD  went to the bar, and Peter and co told all their friends about their adventure on Sakaar. 

Thor and Korg knew what Peter was talking about and were a bit sad to hear about what happened to the Grandmaster. 

But not too sad, after all the terrible things he had done. 

"Hey, I got a question for you," The Thing asked Marc and Steven.

"Yeah?" they both asked. 

"Which one of you is the designated driver?" asked the Thing. 

Marc and Steven were both too drunk to answer.

"Ah, we'll walk home," slurred Marc.

Our party animals drank the night away, and Peter and MJ kissed. 

When they arrived home, they cuddled next to each other in bed.

“I wonder what the people of Sakaar do now that their Grandmaster is gone,” said Peter. 

“Mmm,” replied MJ. “I hope their next Grandmaster doesn’t fall in love with me. And also, I hope we can get rid of those hidden cameras, if we can find them.”

By the way, the new owner of the coffee shop is Mr Lawrence's brother, Kieran, who was a lot nicer, and a lot more happier that his horrible brother was gone. As was the rest of the Lawrence family. 

MJ and Kieran got along very well indeed. 

As for Marc and Steven, they are going to start a foundation for Dissociative Identity Disorder. 

With some financing from Tony Stark himself, who is one of Moon Knight's biggest fans. 

Life can get better sometimes.... 

THE END

But wait! Here’s the Marvel stinger:

The day after the Grandmaster’s passing, the people of Sakaar got a visitor.

A rainbow beam shone in the middle of the street. 

Everyone wondered who it was……

The beam then disappeared to reveal a man.

………………It was Loki.

“People of Sakaar, I am sorry to hear about your Grandmaster’s passing,” he said. “We were very close, and he personally chose me to take over if anything should happen to him. People of Sakaar…………………..I will gladly accept to be your new Grandmaster.”

The people of Sakaar applauded and bowed to Loki. 

The God of Mischief smiled.