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Sebastian looked out of the small window of the cell from the cot in the corner, the cold air making him shudder. Not even the strongest of warming charms would be able to break through the current chill that the dementors' presence brought, even from outside the walls it was too penetrating. He lay down curling into himself in a feeble attempt to garner some kind of warmth though he knew it to be a waste of time. His dull stare at the cell bars, his vision blurring slightly as a tear built up in his water line to then roll over his cheek, into the thin threadbare pillow beneath his head. Closing his eyes tightly he exhaled a tightening in his chest, it was all he could do not to sob.
Most of the days that he could remember when the dementors were less present were of regret and sadness. He does the only thing he can do to at least keep some of his sanity, the only thing that has kept Sebastian this aware of himself in the time since he arrived in this tomb. He delves into the confines of his mind, swimming through his memory until he reaches the ones he wanted. A ritual Sebastian had done many times before, until it became like second nature to him, to glide to them.
He admires Ominis in them, his tall, handsome, and brave best friend who despite everything it cost, had stayed by Sebasatians side all those years. He hoped that he was okay now, that he had become the man he always wanted to be, one who followed his own path. He also hope that Ominis had stepped in to care for Anne in his absence. Though Sebastian had no doubts, Ominis had always loved Anne as his own sister and would never had abandon her.
Sebastian smiled at the memories of himself and Ominis chatting together about random things during their time at Hogwarts together, until coming to their 5th year, the summer before in which Anne had been cursed and he had felt almost hopeless about finding a cure.
At least until the day he met you.
He momentarily falters in that memory, feeling a hopelessness that he struggles to push through once again. A feeling he lingers in, believing he deserves to feel any pain it brings. And while these are moments he cherishes, he wishes he could go back. Tell his past self that nothing good will come from that path should he choose to walk it. To protect you from himself and the pain he caused.
He remembers the day as clearly as if it had just happened. The moment You walked into his life, but not to stay. The way your eyes shone that day, as he swaggered by you in defense against the dark arts when asked to duel you. The playfulness in the smirk you gave as you said it was easy. The way your hair had been sitting so effortlessly, and how he wanted nothing more at that moment to run his fingers through it to decide if it felt as soft as it looked. Your smell when you glide past him to leave and how his eyes lingered on you walking away.
Everything about You from that day onwards consumed him like wildfire.
You had become everything and little did he know that was the beginning of the end for him.
The first time he wanted more, was the night you request his help to break into the restricted section of the library. being so close to you, teaching you a spell, pulling you against his to avoid the roaming prefects. He smiled at the memory, fond of how he took the blame for you that night, something he had never done for anyone but Ominis or his sister.
Once you had explained your affinity for ancient magic, however, something in him had broken. He doesn't know, even now if he was also affected by the dark origins of the curse on his sister or not. But his use of dark magic had twisted a need deep within him. One he struggle to walk away from since it started. He knew he had begun to lose you as he walked further down that path of darkness. He watches on now in his memories, night after night with you, out in the cover of darkness fighting the ashwinders. Trying to find a cure for Anne. The looks of sadness and pity he sent his way as he sunk further into himself. He only wished he could have seen it. That he could have snapped out of it before, well.
He only ever wanted to have his sister back and well, maybe had he listened to you and Ominis all those years ago then things may have turned out differently. He regrets everything, using the unforgivables as Ominis once said he would, killing his uncle in desperation not seeing another way, pushing his sister even further away from himself, and taking away the only other family she had left. And most of all, losing you.
He looked at the last memory he had of you smiling at him. A bittersweet thing it was, to think of all that could have been if he had been a stronger, smarter person. His memories of you are both the very thing that's keeping him alive and the thing that haunts his very existence. What is he supposed to do, but lie there, dreaming of what was, is and what could have been? He falls into a fitful sleep, the last memory of your smile burned into his mind's eye.
He once had all of you, over time he had some of you and now he had lost you forever.