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The summer of 1983 was hot. So hot that Michael could never wear more than a tank top without finding nasty sweat stains lining the armholes. Maybe the weather would have been more tolerable if he didn’t have to worry about Jeremy too.
Jeremy Fitzgerald, his best friend for years, the type of guy who could make anyone laugh, and most importantly, Michael’s undeniable crush. A fact that also happened to be his most closely guarded secret. Jeremy never needed to know and—hell, sometimes even Michael wished he didn’t have to know.
But the reality was, Jeremy filled Michael with all the butterflies of a lovestruck schoolgirl. And though sometimes that anxiety just made him straight up nauseated, other times he actually started to believe everything the cheesy romcoms said. Either way, Jeremy was more than a stereotypical ray of sunshine, he was happy, fun, and cared about Michael back—even if whatever they had between them was unspoken, nothing more than friendship.
And though he sometimes let himself hope, Michael knew “romance” and “love” were too strong to describe what was really going on. It was one-sided, it would pass eventually, he would unsurely tell himself. Besides, neither of them were gay. Nothing would come of Michael’s feelings and he had to be fine with that. They couldn’t be gay thoughts. But they were better as dubious thoughts than words he would trip over and regret.
Yet convincing himself of all that was much easier said than done.
At home, where he should have been free to be himself, Michael had to bottle up his feelings most of all. His father was not a particularly understanding man, or compassionate in any sense of the word.
“Michael! Get back here!” William Afton’s irate shout rang out from inside his house.
Panting, Michael scoffed out a laugh. His sneakers slapped loudly on the pavement as he raced down the sidewalk to the road. There, the grinning blond Jeremy waited.
“Hop on! C’mon, c’mon!” He urged, straddling his bicycle and bouncing on the balls of his feet as one hand feverishly waved Michael over.
The brunet nodded, unable to keep from giggling from the excitement of it all. He bounded up onto the pegs on the back wheel and held Jeremy’s shoulders to steady himself.
With that, Jeremy immediately started pedalling, leaning forward as he gripped the handlebars.
Michael let out a triumphant howl as, over his shoulder, he flipped off his father, quickly disappearing from view. He could stand sneering and furious all day on that doorstep for all Michael cared and he knew his father didn’t care enough to actually pursue him.
It felt so good to really stick it to his father like that, but there was a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He would certainly regret that all later. Consequences didn’t go away in the Afton household. Punishment just waited to bite, compounding with time.
At least at that moment, he had Jeremy.
“Thanks, Jem! You’re a lifesaver, man!”
“I thought we were just gonna hang out! What the hell did you do, dude?” Jeremy laughed.
“The old man’s just pissed that I swiped a few cigs. He doesn’t normally notice!” The brunet replied, raising his voice to be heard over the wind rushing past their ears.
Jeremy’s reply was inaudible, dissolving into the wind as the boys giggled incessantly at their own recklessness.
Closing his eyes for a moment, Michael took a deep breath. There was the scent of freshly cut grass in the air; it reminded him how much he loved the summer. It smelled so soothing and free and even if Michael didn’t want to admit something so cheesy, that’s how Jeremy smelled to him. Even if in actuality it was just drugstore deodorant and Pepsi.
Michael could spend days away from home if he really felt like it in the summer. Jeremy was always there to invite him to sleep over until eventually Michael didn’t even need to be asked. That flexibility was so unlike the other seasons when there was homework to do or siblings to pick up from school when his father inevitably spent every night working late.
“They can walk home just fine by themselves if you hate it so much,” William would hiss, having never concerned himself with the stranger danger paranoia of the other parents of their peaceful neighbourhood. But Michael could only scowl. It wasn’t just that he didn’t want to walk them home, it was that their father could never make time to do it.
When he opened his eyes again, he had to immediately squint as hair whipped back into his face, bleach blond hair that had come loose from Jeremy’s ponytail. Michael snorted and swatted it away.
The brunet’s shirt whipped around in the wind too. It was gray with the Van Halen logo on it. It was also probably starting to reek, but it was his favourite shirt and he couldn’t bring himself to wash it quite yet. Hell, he had even cut the sleeves off it to wear it more often in the oppressive heat. And all that totally had nothing to do with Jeremy loving Van Halen too.
With no sleeves, Michael felt the wind and sun on his bare arms. Sure, he spent lots of time outside, but he’d never get tired of the outdoors. And based on his perpetually sunburnt shoulders, no one was surprised to learn that fact. Such people were even brainless enough to chalk the bruises and bandages on his arms up to rowdy teenage shenanigans. But that stupidity kept that Afton family safe from scrutiny and that was all that mattered.
No, he couldn’t think of his father. He was with Jeremy. Not William.
Soon enough, the duo reached their destination: 7-Eleven.
Michael jumped off the back as his friend dismounted to lean his bike up against the wall.
The brunet shoved his hands in the pockets of his acid wash jeans and gazed down the street. He didn’t feel like wallowing too much, but dread still burdened him.
The cars that zipped past blew dust up into the dry air. In the distance, the road wiggled, shining like an oil slick.
“Waiting for a hot date?” Jeremy asked, waggling his eyebrows as he slung an arm around the other boy’s neck.
“Yeah, with your mom,” Michael snickered, elbowing him in the ribs. His face faded into something of a frown, though. “Y’know it’s sorta set in that I’m a dead man when I get home.”
“Chill, Mikey! Your old man’ll be over it by the time you get back!”
“You’ve clearly forgotten who my dad is.” Michael rolled his eyes, letting the blond spin him around to face the convenience store again.
Mike would certainly never forget. Hell, he could feel his shoulder throbbing nonstop since his father had slammed him back into a wall.
“Dads are for later, okay?” Jeremy shushed him. “Slurpees are for now. So shut up and let’s get our hands on that good stuff,” he declared, smiling like an idiot at his friend. Michael smiled back awkwardly as they walked in the 7-Eleven, the other boy’s elbow still hooked around his neck.
“No funny business,” the man behind the counter warned before looking back at his magazine. He couldn’t have been much older than the boys. Michael scoffed at his assumed authority, but played it off like a cough lest they get kicked out before attaining their sugary prizes.
“You got it,” Jeremy replied with a very obviously fake smile that made the other boy snicker and smack him on the arm.
“See, this is what summer’s all about.” The blond nodded as he filled his cup with the cherry-flavoured slush. “Did you bring that new Police album?”
“You betcha,” Michael answered, pulling the cassette out of his pocket to show the other. “ Synchronicity .” He slipped it back in his jeans for safekeeping.
“Rad! I got my stereo in the basement working again so we’ll give it a listen.”
“Hell yeah.” The brunet filled his own cup with the blue raspberry variant. “I almost got Speaking In Tongues too, but didn’t have enough cash on me.”
“Lame,” Jeremy commented as he pocketed some chocolate bars and gum. It was just too easy.
After they popped on the lids and stuck in straws, the two boys strolled over to the counter to pay.
“Gimme yours, I’ll pay,” Jeremy said with a grabby gesture toward his friend’s cup.
“Nah, dude, I brought cash this time,” the brunet responded, holding his Slurpee closer to his chest and fumbling for the bills in his pocket with his other hand.
“Don’t be difficult, Mike.” The other boy rolled his eyes, setting his cup on the counter. He took Michael’s without any more protests.
Michael, his cheeks growing warm, swallowed. Their hands had just brushed it was no big deal. He forced a frown as his friend turned to the cashier. The man was unwaveringly disinterested as he rang up the two Slurpees.
“You don’t have to pay for my stuff,” Michael scoffed, playing it off like the cool guy he tried to be. He smoothed down his hair before taking his cup back.
Jeremy shrugged, taking a sip from his Slurpee as they left the store. “I felt like it.”
“Um…” The brunet took a long gulp from his own Slurpee. Maybe it would cool down his face if he tried hard enough. He stiffened up and blurted out, “Ha, gay!”
“I’ll take that as a thank you.” He patted Michael on the back and stood up his bike from where it leaned against the brick wall of the building.
Michael bit his cheek at the touch. Why did Jeremy have to be such a touchy-feely guy? Not that he didn’t like it, but it was so much to deal with when the blond already sent him emotionally reeling.
The two boys headed back behind the 7-Eleven. There, a rusty dumpster sat against the brick wall, surrounded by stacks of discarded milk crates. Nearby, by a scraggly patch of once decorative bushes there were several concrete barriers piled together. They, along with the back of the store, were covered in graffiti but made for half-decent seating.
Luckily, there were no employees on their smoke break coming to shoo the teenagers away. Maybe the light stink of trash the dumpster could barely contain had scared them off.
Jeremy laid his bike down on the asphalt as Michael sat cross-legged on a barrier.
“I’ve had to rewind that new Elton John cassette a million times,” the blond hummed as he hopped up on the same concrete block beside his friend. He kicked his feet gently and took a sip of his Slurpee.
“ Too Low for Zero ?”
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
“You’ll have to lend it to me sometime,” Michael replied.
“For sure! It’s a wicked album! I can’t let my bro miss out.”
They happily chatted about music as they drank their Slurpees. The brunet couldn’t help but smile whenever Jeremy giggled.
“And I’ve been thinking about Return of the Jedi too since we saw it–what? Two weeks ago?” The blond squinted as he tried to remember.
“Yeah, that sounds right.” Michael nodded. “The Battle of Endor? That was crazy!”
“And Leia…” Jeremy’s mouth curled into a smarmy grin. “Oh, man!”
“What’re you on about?”
“Don’t play dumb.” He lightly smacked the brunet on the back of the head. “You saw that gold bikini too.”
“You’re legit depraved,” Michael snorted and rolled his eyes. But inside, he was feeling much worse. He was supposed to find her hot, that was the point! “I mean, she was hot,” he corrected himself unsurely, feeling his face heat up, “I just wasn’t really focused on that part, I guess.”
Jeremy took a long, noisy pause as he finished off his Slurpee. “Was it Luke?”
“Huh?” The brunet turned back to his friend who was setting down his empty cup beside him on the barrier.
“Were you focused on Luke?” He clarified casually, “Like, he’s not terrible himself. Though, if it was Han, I’d respect that too.”
“Dude, what do ya mean? That’s kinda gay.” Michael tensed up as he grew defensively.
“Okay, and?”
“Um, I’m not gay, duh!” He answered, voice wavering ever so slightly.
Jeremy just shrugged and dropped it, letting the other boy finish his Slurpee without any more sexuality crises. “So I rewatched Poltergeist the other day,” he began, easily changing topics, “and I still can’t believe the girl who played Dana got strangled by her boyfriend!” He grimaced.
“Mhm,” the brunet agreed. “Wanna cig?” He asked as he pulled the pack from his pocket.
“I thought you hated smoking?”
That was true. The stench was practically nauseating–of course thanks to William. “It’s been a weird day.”
“Fair enough. Sure.”
Michael slid out a cigarette from the pack for Jeremy who bent down and took it with his lips. Michael did the same for himself and tucked the pack away to grab the lighter in his jeans pocket.
He flicked it on and leaned in to light his cigarette. At the same, Jeremy leaned in too. Their eyes met and Michael choked. He wobbled, fumbling the cheap plastic lighter which then shattered on the asphalt.
“Careful, dude! You’re gonna burn yourself!” Jeremy chuckled as he wrapped an arm around the other boy to steady him. “Or crack your head open!”
“Dammit–” the brunet hissed, flooded with a mix of embarrassment and annoyance. His cigarette quivered between his lips so he tucked it behind his ear instead. “I shoulda just lit yours first.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Jeremy assured him, waving his hand. He handed back his unlit cigarette. “My folks would be pissed if they smelled smoke on me again, anyway.”
Michael groaned, certain his friend thought he was a total fuck-up by that point.
“Oh, hey! I swiped some gum earlier.” The blond grinned as he patted the lump in his pocket and then pulled out a pack of gum. “You like grape, right?”
“Uh, yeah.” He went to take a stick when he stopped midway, eyes narrowed. “Why’re you being so nice to me today?”
“What do ya mean?” Jeremy snorted.
Of course, they were always friendly with each other—they were friends after all! But that day felt so sweet, almost sickeningly so to Michael who longed for normalcy.
“You tryna get in my pants or something?” The brunet snickered as he stood up and stretched his arms upward.
“You wish!” Jeremy retorted, rolling his eyes. “You’re wiggin’ out.”
“Hey! I’m a catch, you homo.” Michael spun around to face him again, face scrunched up in playful annoyance.
His friend burst out laughing while Michael, still deeply in denial, was oblivious to the irony.
“Oh shut up,” the brunet huffed, shoving Jeremy as he stood up too.
“So you want the gum or not?”
“Fine.” Michael finally accepted a stick and popped it into his mouth. He balled up the wrapper and tossed it into a dumpster with his Slurpee cup.
“My place?” Jeremy asked, picking up his bike after throwing out his cup too.
“Where else would we go?” The brunet stared at the clouds for a moment. It wasn’t much of a choice since his other options were to hang out alone or go home. “Only if you quit being all weird and soft.” His words came out surprisingly feebly.
It made his friend chuckle. “Whatever you say, Mikey.” Jeremy patted him on the shoulder while barely holding back a smug look.
Michael was well aware of his tough guy act being an utter failure. Though, he hadn’t stopped to consider if Jeremy had him totally figured out. And he probably should have after his shoulders visibly relaxed at the blond’s touch.
Neither said anything of it as they started walking along behind the building. The strip of asphalt was probably intended as a parking lot though it was void of cars at the time. Most of its residents were bits of stray trash caught by the wind. At one end, it bordered on the chain link edge of a grassy park. That was the boys’ destination, a shortcut to Jeremy’s house.
“Still wanna sleep over?” He asked, getting a little more hopeful since Michael had calmed down.
“No can do. Gotta watch my little bro tomorrow. My dad’ll burst a blood vessel if I blow that off.”
“Dammit, William,” Jeremy chided sarcastically.
“Big time.”
“Isn’t the kid old enough to look after himself anyway?”
“Not a chance,” Michael groaned, “He’s still a huge crybaby. It’s no wonder he gets teased by all the kids in his class.”
“At least your old man cares enough to have you watch him?” The blond added uncertainly.
“He only cares about his weird-ass restaurants. Even Liz barely makes the cut. So much for the rest of his kids.”
“What an asshole!” Jeremy agreed enthusiastically, scrunching up his nose. William’s cruelty was far from unknown to him, even though Michael was careful what he divulged.
“Tell me about it…” The brunet rolled his eyes and snapped his gum loudly.
“Hey, check it out!” Excitement swelled in Jeremy’s voice as he patted his friend on the shoulder.
Jeremy hastily laid his bike down in the grass and pointed up at the sky.
“What is it?” Michael still wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be checking out as he squinted past the sun to observe the sky.
“Helicopter!” The blond grinned and stepped behind the other boy, putting his head on his shoulder and pointed it out to him.
Michael felt his cheeks burn and could barely follow where his friend’s finger was pointing. “C-cool. Now would you get off of me, you queer!” He grunted and shoved Jeremy, who started laughing.
“Chill out, man!” He snorted, “So did you see it? It’s like one of those big ones guys jump out the sides of! You don’t see that everyday.”
Michael’s brow was furrowed, but it quickly softened. Even as his friend chuckled to himself and picked up his bike, he seemed so carefree.
“Yeah it was epic,” Michael replied, lying since he hadn’t actually spotted the helicopter.
“You’d be a lot more impressed if you actually saw it!” Jeremy exclaimed, fakingly offended.
“What’re you? Seven?”
“Maybe I am!” The blond grabbed Michael by the collar of his shirt and licked wetly up his cheek.
“Hey!” He shouted, reaching out to seize Jeremy. But it was too late as the other boy snapped his gum and fled on his bike. “You freak!”
“So come and get me!” Jeremy cackled, already biking circles around his friend who stood there with his fists clenched and face bright red.
“Oh, I’m gonna kill you when I get my hands on you!”
Michael sprinted after his friend. Had Jeremy biked to his fullest potential, Michael would’ve been left in the dust pretty quickly. Luckily, he was playing nice.
The brunet reached out, grabbing wilding for Jeremy’s shirt fluttering in front of him. It or the wind skimmed his fingertips. Either way, Jeremy was just out of reach.
“Jerk!” Michael panted. Another of his footsteps pounded on the dry grass and he choked. Stopping in his tracks, he leaned forward, hand on his chest as he hacked up the purple gum.
“Woah! You okay, man?” Jeremy’s eyes were wide as he pulled up beside the other boy and skidded to a halt.
“Yeah.” The brunet put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. He spat his gum into the grass and grinned. “Gotcha.”
Soon, the two boys were at Jeremy’s house.
“I’m gonna change my shirt real quick,” he explained, leading Michael upstairs to his bedroom.
“Wait—” Jeremy patted his pockets, finding the chocolate bars he had nicked. They were almost entirely melted, though still contained in their wrappers. He pulled them out, examining the new blobby shapes they had taken on. Then, he laid them out on his desk where Michael poked at them dubiously.
“They’ll be alright after they’re solid again.”
“They better be or else I wasted all my expert sleight of hand for nothing!” The blond joked.
He turned around and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it into the laundry pile.
“You still up for some music?” Jeremy asked, rummaging through a dresser drawer.
“Hell yeah I am,” Michael replied, his gaze shamefully sweeping over the other boy’s skin. His tan lines were more evident without a shirt on, but he was quite tan all over. Expressionless, the brunet watched Jeremy, watching his freckled shoulders shake at a joke Michael hadn’t heard.
“Y’know?”
“Huh?” He replied automatically, “Uh, yeah, for sure.”
Jeremy flashed a smile over his shoulder and pulled a new shirt on.
“Styx? Good pick,” his friend nodded approvingly at the angular font of the band’s logo printed on the shirt.
They went to the basement afterward. There, Michael flopped onto the spare couch. It was bright orange and smelled musty, but it was one of the most comfortable things he had ever sat on.
Meanwhile, Jeremy looked over the stereo. “Let’s hope whatever I did sticks.”
“Did you really fix it? Like by yourself?”
“Yeah it just blew a fuse so it was an easy fix.”
“Still better than I could do,” Michael snorted, “I just listen to the stereo, I don’t tinker with it.”
The blond reached out to him. “Pass the tape.”
“Here, dude.” He pulled the Police cassette from his pocket and passed it to Jeremy who clicked it into the stereo’s tape deck.
“There we go!” He announced proudly, patting the top of the machine. He hit play before plopping down next to Michael.
Jeremy stretched out his arms on the back of the couch, tapping to the music. It wasn’t some cheesy rom-com attempt to put his arm around his date, but Michael was still keenly aware of their closeness. Sweat prickled on the back of neck, a result of both the heat and his nerves.
Later on, as the sun had nearly set, the boys found themselves outside again. The sky was shifting from violet to indigo. Long shadows melded together on the ground.
“You’re right about it being cooler out now,” Michael pointed out, leaning against a tree in the backyard.
“Yeah, it was too stuffy down there.” His friend nodded in agreement.
The brunet stared off into the sunset. The process seemed to slow down as he watched, like a watched pot that never boiled. But shadows continued to stretch and fade. Nothing lasted—not the day, nor the sunset, nor the shadows.
Jeremy was still there, though. He was contently plucking at the thirsty grass that was barely managing to keep its green hue.
“I don’t want to go home,” Michael accidentally thought aloud, barely above a whisper.
“I’d let you stay longer if I could,” the blond replied.
The other boy straightened up with surprise when he realized Jeremy had heard him.
“N-no! It’s not like I’m obsessed with you or something!”
“Don’t worry, I know what you mean,” Jeremy reassured him gently, not looking at him either to avoid causing him any more distress.
Michael bit his tongue, wishing his body would stop heating up. His cheeks were bright pink, but mostly obscured in the blue-black haze.
In his attempt to look natural leaning against the tree, Michael only looked more awkward. He wasn't fooling anyone, but Jeremy either didn’t notice or hid it well.
After a few minutes of silence, he stood up too.
“Do you wanna go to my room maybe? We don’t have to sleep, of course, but we could find something interesting to do?”
“Go if you wanna but I need a minute out here,” Michael admitted quietly.
“I’m not gonna ditch you,” the blond scoffed, putting his hand on the other’s shoulder, “What kinda friend do you take me for?”
The brunet shuddered slightly at the touch. Only Jeremy would touch him so frequently and so gently and it left him feeling conflicted. Michael was nauseated to feel so vulnerable, but his heart also leapt at the comfort his friend provided.
“When we finish high school,” Jeremy began, filling the silence, “do you think we’ll still be friends?”
Michael glanced over his shoulder at the other boy, scanning his face. The blond was staring off into the field, unspoken concern creasing his brow.
“Why wouldn’t we be? If not, who would I lend tapes to chew stolen gum with?”
His friend shrugged.
“I like being your friend, Mike.”
Michael’s chest tightened.
“Don’t get all sappy on me now.”
Jeremy nudged him to turn around so they were facing each other as his eyes focused.
“Mike, I need to tell you something.”
He visibly tensed up even more at those words.
Jeremy’s face softened, bordering on a frown as his lips parted to speak. It quickly morphed into a faint smile, though.
“Don’t get all worried, man, I just wanted to tell you I, uh, broke a tape you lent me.” He spoke hastily, unsurely.
“That’s it?” Michael cocked his head with a silent sigh of relief. “Thought you were gonna say you were queer or something crazy like that.” He forced a chuckle.
“Oh… Yeah, that would be unreal,” Jeremy agreed, smiling weakly with his gaze lowered. He took a breath and straightened up to face his friend more surely. “You know, I don’t care which Star Wars guy you ogle. Or how many members of Duran Duran you secretly drool over.”
“Hey, I don’t do either of those!” Michael interrupted defensively.
“Mike, if you were gay, it wouldn’t matter to me,” the blond continued assertively.
His mouth snapped shut, shame colouring his face for his outburst.
“What makes you think I am?” He whispered.
Jeremy ignored the question.
“Please, I gotta know,” the brunet pressed, “Jem, I can’t— other people can’t—”
But Jeremy didn’t speak and just lifted his arms, offering a hug.
Michael stood still, eyes prickling with tears. “Jem, I’m not like that! Don’t you believe me?”
The blond knew his hug would go unaccepted and let his arms drop to his sides.
“I’m not accusing you of anything, Mike. I just… I just want you to feel safe, y’know?”
Michael was frozen in place, legs trembling and his hands locked into fists. Then, he felt a hand on his cheek and he could finally look up at Jeremy again.
“Close your eyes.”
It took Michael a moment to process the request but then he obeyed without question.
He could feel a hot breath fan across his face as the heat grew between their bodies. And then Jeremy’s forehead was pressed against his own.
“I know what a tough guy you are, so I know you’ll be okay,” Jeremy quietly almost giggled. He pulled away and when he came back their lips were pressed together.
Michael’s eyes were tightly shut. If he couldn’t see it then it wasn’t real. If he didn’t enjoy it then it couldn’t be gay.
His legs stopped trembling, but nearly gave out instead. The brunet could barely breathe and his heart pounded in his ears.
They quietly pulled away from each other after another moment. Both were blushing profusely.
Micheal cleared his throat and shifted his weight from foot to foot uneasily. He rubbed at his cheeks, failing to find the right words or excuse.
Jeremy just smiled.
“By the way, I didn’t break your tape. I’d hate to break your stuff.”