Chapter Text
"Crucio!"
Sebastian's voice echoed through your mind as you sat bolt upright in bed, gasping to try to catch a breath. Phantom pains still seared through your limbs. Electric fire burned in your bones, your head spinning. You grabbed the glass of water from the side table next to your bed, drinking what was left of it in one gulp. As your breathing slowed a bit, you ran your hands over your legs, your neck, trying to dissipate the lingering sensations.
"I'm ok. I'm ok," you whispered to yourself, head in your hands. "I'm in my bed, not in a scr- ..I’m ok."
You looked around your dorm at the others still peacefully sleeping, glad you hadn’t disturbed them, and quietly slid your legs off the side of the bed to slip on a pair of pants and boots. You grabbed your school robe from the foot of the bed, tucking it under your arm, and silently slipped out the door.
Moments later, the cold outdoor air snapped you out of your trance. Your feet had carried you to the transfiguration courtyard without you even noticing. The sweat still clinging to your skin made the cool winter night more than welcome. You quietly shut the door behind you, wandering over to lean against a pillar. You filled your lungs with cold air, sliding down the column to sit firmly on the ground, the cold stone behind your back an anchor to the current moment. As you stared up at the stars, the spinning all around you finally began to slow.
A footstep crunching in the frost had you hyper-vigilant again in a second. You shrank back against the pillar as a figure appeared across the courtyard, wand out in front of them. A patrolling professor? You held your breath, hoping they wouldn't see you tucked into the shadows. Getting caught out of bed after curfew would not help your situation right now. As they slowly crossed towards the door, a dim, blinking red light at the tip of their wand illuminated their face.
"Ominis?"
He whipped around to face you, clearly surprised but immediately schooling his features. He tilted his head toward you slightly, listening intently.
"Ominis, it's me."
His shoulders visibly relaxed as he recognized your voice.
"What in the world are you doing outside in the middle of the night?" you asked, standing up to meet him.
"I could ask you the same thing," he smiled, listening to your footsteps growing closer.
"Hah, I guess so." You pulled on your robe with a shiver, the night chill finally seeping into your skin. "I just.. couldn't sleep. I came out for some fresh air."
"Ah. I understand those nights all too well, I'm afraid.” He sighed. “I was actually out for a walk for the same reason. Care to join me?"
"Sure," you answered with a small smile.
He turned to continue across the courtyard in the direction he had been heading, and you fell into step beside him. He pushed the door open just a crack, leaning forward to listen, his wand peering into the hallway as well, and then quietly closed the door again.
“Someone is patrolling this corridor. Likely looking for students out of bed,” Ominis said slyly. “Let’s go through the central hall instead, by the library.”
A few minutes passed as you walked together, the only sound the trickling water of the indoor fountain. The castle itself seemed to be sleeping. Ominis quietly cleared his throat, making you jump. You hadn't realised how lost in the silence you had become.
"Care to share what vexes you tonight?" He asked. "Of course, if you'd rather not tell me you certainly don't have to.”
He walked with you another moment, allowing the silence between the two of you to settle while you collected your thoughts.
“Just.. a nightmare,” you finally answered. He waited, allowing you to continue. “I just can’t stop thinking about the.. the scriptorium.” You glanced at him in time to see him frown, his jaw tensing. “I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to talk about it. We can talk about something else instead. Have you noticed the astronomy tables around the grounds?”
“It’s alright,” Ominis replied gently. “I'm glad you brought it up. We should talk about what happened in the scriptorium. Sebastian has been pretending it never happened.” He paused. “And I don’t believe I have noticed the astronomy tables. Astronomy isn’t exactly my strong suit, you know. I'm afraid the heavens are too far away for my wand to assist me with viewing,” he said with a small chuckle.
“Oh. Right. I’m sorry”
He laughed again. “It’s quite alright.” The two of you reached the double doors at the top of the stairs. Ominis pushed the door open a few inches, listening for any teachers or poltergeists that may be waiting. “I believe it’s clear. After you.” He shut the door behind you and began walking across the large stone bridge. “Tell me about your dream,” he said quietly. “I’ve found my nightmares to be much lighter after speaking them aloud.”
You took a deep breath.
"I was trapped. I'm not sure where, but I was shut in a room with no doors, no windows. And it was getting smaller around me, the walls were getting closer. And then Sebastian appeared, offering a way out- only.. Only if..” You shuddered.
"Was it the cruciatus curse?" Ominis finished for you.
"Yes." Your voice came out barely more than a whisper. "But then I always wake up just as he casts it and I never get to escape that damned room."
"Always? This is not the first time you've had this dream."
"No," you admit. "And Ominis?"
He stopped walking, turning to face you now.
With his full attention on you, you nearly lost your nerve. You looked away, taking a breath before continuing, "It hurts. When I wake up I can still feel it." You noticed a tear sliding down your cheek. "A- and I know it's not real. I know it's just a dream, but it still feels so real. Every time. And it hurts so bad," you finished, your voice shaking.
You looked up to see a mixture of emotions on his face. He looked sorrowful, but also angry. And there's something else there too you can't quite read.
"I'm sorry," you blurted out.
His face softened, his eyebrows rising. "What on Earth do you have to be sorry for right now?"
"I know this is probably nothing compared to what you went through. And you were only a child! I can't imagine-"
"Don't do that," he interrupted. "There's no need to compare. What I went thr-"
"And I'm sorry I talked you into going into that place. You were right. We had no business being there. We could have died! I could have gotten both of you killed. I don't know what I was thinking. Honestly what if-"
"Stop." His voice was so quiet you had barely heard him. "Someone is coming."
Ominis reached out and grabbed your arm, just above your elbow, pulling you into the castle and through the great hall. You walked behind him in silence for a bit, trying to calm your tears and your breathing, until you found yourself outside again, in a courtyard overlooking the hills nearby.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. We should be alright out here. The professors don't often patrol this area." Ominis seemed to suddenly realise he was still holding onto your arm and let go abruptly, looking away. He sat down on the edge of one of the stone benches. "Entering the scriptorium was a bad idea."
You looked down at that, guilt rising up like bile in your throat.
"But you are not solely to blame for the decision. Sebastian and I are equally responsible for getting us into that situation. It was Sebastian’s hare-brained idea in the first place, and I was the one with the information to get us into that awful place. Any one of us could have stopped it, and didn’t. This is not on you.”
He reached out, finding your arm again, sliding his hand down until he was holding your hand.
“Do you understand me?”
You sat down next to him and looked up at his face, finding his pale eyes pointed straight at yours, his face softly illuminated red from the wand in his other hand.
“This is not your fault.”
You let out a shuddering breath as he squeezed your hand.
“It’s hard to believe that.”
“I know,” he whispered, gently letting go of your hand. “But at least try, please.”
Ominis flicked his wand, extinguishing the red light, and returned it to his pocket. He turned his face toward the stars, his head tilted as if he could hear them, his expression almost one of longing.
“I know I said astronomy was not my strong suit,” he chuckled, “but I adore sitting under the night sky. Everything around me is always so busy. So many noises to sort through, so many smells, not to mention people bumping into me. But the sky… My wand can’t interpret anything up there. It’s just.. empty. It’s beautiful. I find it always calms me down on nights like this one.”
“I had never thought of it like that,” you answered. But you found yourself looking not at the constellations, but at the boy beside you. You hadn’t known him long, perhaps three months, and the interactions between the two of you had been limited. Your first impression of him was vastly different than the person you saw here now. But as you watched him, the peaceful expression faded from his face. He turned his gaze toward his lap, his shoulders drooping.
“What’s wrong?” you worried.
Ominis began wringing his hands. “I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry you took that curse,” he whispered. “No- I’m sorry I let you take the curse. I know first-hand just how awful it is, how it burns.” His face contorted as memories came back to him.
“Ominis I-”
“Please, let me finish.” He took a slow breath, composing himself. “I was a coward. I won’t cast it again. What it does to a person to cast it.. to your soul- But I could have stepped forward to take it. I should have. I should never have let it be you. I- I’m sorry.”
You paused, taking in his words.
“Well that’s just not fair.”
“What?” Ominis turned to you in surprise.
“If I’m not allowed to feel guilt and take responsibility for getting us into that mess in the first place, how dare you take responsibility for me taking the cruciatus curse. I chose it. It needed to happen to get us all out of there alive and I- I wanted it to be me.” You sighed. “I had gotten you both trapped in there. I needed to get us all back out again. I couldn’t let you go through it again. And I knew it would be awful, but I had no idea it would be.. like that.”
You looked over at the gargoyle in front of you, smoke gently streaming from its mouth. “Will you tell me?” you continued.
He glanced at you expectantly.
“Will you tell me about when it happened to you? As a kid? I know Sebastian told me some of it, but it wasn’t his story to tell. I’d like to hear what it was like for you. If it was the same- the same as what I...” You trailed off.
His face hardened and he closed his eyes.
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me if it’s too personal. I just don’t know anybody else who’s had- who knows what it feels like.”
Ominis blew out a long, heavy breath.
“Another time, alright?” He said gently. “Just.. not tonight. But I will tell you. Another day.”
You shivered at the pain apparent in his face.
He turned to you at the sound.
“You’re cold.”
“No I’m ok I-”
He unwrapped his scarf from his neck. “Are you wearing a scarf?”
“No.”
He reached out the back of his hand until it gently bumped your shoulder, gaining his bearings. He draped the green and grey scarf around the back of your neck, wrapping one end all the way around until it draped over the front of your shoulder again, his hands lingering to adjust it until it lay smooth. When his hand accidentally grazed your jaw line, he cleared his throat and laid his hands back in his lap, turning to face forward again, and you weren’t sure the pink on his cheeks was entirely from the cold.
You nuzzled your face down into the soft knit, hiding your rapidly warming cheeks, and mumbled “Thank you,” from behind the thick fabric. Certainly the warmth flooding through you was from the residual heat of the scarf against the back of your neck, and not from the warm, spicy scent that now enveloped you.
“Come with me,” Ominis said, standing. “We’ll go warm up.”
He pulled out his wand and offered you his arm. You took his arm, gingerly, suddenly feeling much more shy than usual, and followed him down a few flights of stairs and back into the castle.
“Come, sit with me.” Ominis led you past the now silent enchanted string quartet to the giant stained glass window in the defence against the dark arts tower and sat down on the floor, his back to the wall. You joined him, sitting down as he put away his wand.
“You know, there’s a perfectly good bench right over there,” you pointed out.
“I know,” Ominis chuckled. “I find when I am sitting on the floor here, I am much more often left to my own devices.” He paused. “Oh I hadn’t considered, if you would prefer to sit on the bench we certainly can-”
You grabbed his arm to stop him from getting up from the floor.
“The floor is fine, Ominis, I was just teasing you.”
He sat back down and smiled at you. A genuine smile. It was so rare to see, and so lovely, that it left you feeling cold when his smile faltered.
“I’m sorry you’ve been having nightmares. I should have guessed you would.”
“Do they ever go away?” you whispered.
“”For me.. not yet.” He rubbed at his temples. “But they do become less frequent. And a bit easier to deal with.”
You sighed and leaned back against the wall behind you, closing your eyes, feeling resigned to a future of more sleepless nights. Suddenly you noticed the echo of voices throughout the hall as students began milling about on the floors above you.
“Ominis it’s morning!”
“Hmm.. I suppose it is,” he murmured.
You looked over to see his eyes were closed now as well. The sun streaming in through the window behind you warmed your back, soaking into your black robes, and you realised suddenly how tired you were.
“I can’t believe we walked all night,” you said with a yawn, leaning back against the wall again. Ominis had been right, your thoughts were much lighter after sharing them. In fact, you found yourself thinking about nothing in particular for the first time in months.
As you began to doze off, you thought you felt your head slide sideways to rest on Ominis’ shoulder, and perhaps it was his head resting heavy on yours. Warm and content, you found yourself finally able to sleep again, and you were certain your nightmares would not be able to find you here.