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Sena Izumi was never fond of sweets. Not with candy—he shudders at the thought of the chaos he caused for Kagehira months ago because of it—and most especially not with the monstrosity of a cupcake that sat before him. As he sets his teacup down, two thoughts linger in his mind, and that says a lot because Izumi never thinks about useless things. Or so he says to everyone.
One, obviously, was an insult. How on earth does Kasa-kun manage to stomach food like this? He could see the sugar glistening on the icing under the artificial lights. At first sight, he knew it would be too sweet. Who would even need this much sugar in their diet?
And... Two, as he takes the tiniest bite—tiny that's known to Sena Izumi's vocabulary, which most definitely doesn't only include insults—from the cupcake, he thinks about how pretentious he was being.
It was odd. He's never really cared; this was how he lived most days in Florence. The leading zeroes on price tags and the fancy European life weren't foreign to him, but as the overly sweet taste of vanilla trickled down his throat, he started to feel as if everything was… well, apart from the fact that it made him feel like barfing, it felt wrong.
He glares at the cupcake and then at the porcelain teacup.
Thank the gods he was wearing shades, lest people start to wonder if he was a madman gone loose from a mental facility. Maybe he was—though just a little bit. Heaven forbid anything tarnishes his perfect image. That would be embarrassing, and it would shatter his ego. He cannot have that. Not in this economy.
And then suddenly, he was thinking of Knights, and, well, as much as he'd hate to admit it, how much he missed home. He takes the cup again, but this time he takes a big gulp. He hates it when his brain does this; it was a whole roller coaster ride, except, Leo-kun was the one who designed the tracks, and now it was a whole mess of thoughts. He makes a mental note to never feed Leo the idea that engineering and architecture would be something he should do.
Then, he thinks to himself, the sugar. Yeah, it was the sugar making him feel so weird. Making him feel so sentimental. He was never sentimental. Over his dead and still very attractive body.
Now he was blaming it on Kuma-kun. Had he not ingrained the image of cupcakes looking like they were fresh out of the devil's oven, he wouldn't have had the need to come here for a normal looking cupcake.
Well, fuck him gently with a chainsaw. Whether that was directed at himself or Kuma-kun, that was a fact known between him and the gods alone.
And so, Sena Izumi was back to square one, glaring at the cupcake before him. He takes a deep breath, and starts to sort his thoughts out.
When he crosses his arms, he remembers to blame Naru-kun. Yes, this was all her fault. If she hadn't buttered him up so much he wouldn't be such a softie. Ew. The mere thought makes him cringe. Him? The Sena Izumi, a softie? In no universe was he going to become one. Of course, there was a very hyperspecific bias towards his beloved Yuu-kun, but that was just about it. He wasn’t a softie. Screw anyone who thought he was. He did not mean that literally.
Then, he pauses again. His thoughts come reeling back to Knights. Both as a whole, and every single one of them in it—excluding the newbies from Yimenosaki Academy of course, that was a whole different story.
He thinks of them a lot. A little too much for someone who claims he doesn't care. He doesn't care, he swears! But not on his beauty, just in case he was wrong. Hopefully, he was not wrong. It would suck-ass to be wrong when he was always right. It's just the weird brain waves and maybe Leo-kun's stupid aliens. Yeah! That was probably it.
But, in the mornings, he'd wonder if they've slept well the previous night, or if they've already had stuffed themselves with something healthy for breakfast. He worries about Kasa-kun and Leo-kun the most, much to his chagrin. Honestly, they should stop living in his brain rent-free.
He should start collecting rent from them, he suddenly thinks. But, nevertheless, he goes back to thinking about them. Again. Always. They’re like pests that refuse to leave his house no matter how often he calls for pest control. Except, instead of pests, he might l-lo… you get it. The ‘L’ word. Whether the ‘L’ stood for ‘love’ or ‘loathe’, that was another story he’ll tell some other time.
His bitchy mind finally stops interrupting himself. He thinks of Knights.
Did Kasa-kun eat something healthy other than those sugary breakfast scones? Is it a balanced portion of leafy greens and carbohydrates for the day? Then there was Leo-kun. Leo-kun was Leo-kun and Izumi could only sigh in defeat.
He hopes Kasa-kun was taking good care of that idiot. Leo-kun was a handful, and he was always close to ripping his hair out every time the tangerine did something irrevocably stupid. He applauds Kasa-kun, really. Not even Izumi could withstand that guy’s whims. But he does, anyway. Maybe he should applaud himself too. He deserves a pat on the back.
Then, in the evenings, his worries shift to Naru-kun and Kuma-kun. He knows Naru-kun follows a strict sleeping schedule—or at least, he likes to think she does. If not, then she’d be another idiot. Maybe not as stupid as Leo, but still an idiot in his books.
But anyway, sometimes he wonders if she gets to sleep without feeling the weight of the entire world on her shoulders. Face masks wouldn't cut it if she slept like she’s like that god from the Western myths carrying the sky. So～ annoying!
And then, there was Kuma-kun… Izumi sighs, for the umpteenth time today. Maybe he was being a tad bit too hard on Kuma-kun. Maybe stepping on him when he doesn't budge was too much—still something that guy deserved, he thinks—but he does it for Kuma-kun too. He swears he does everything from a place of good intentions.
Does he even get enough sleep at night? Of course, he was aware of Kuma-kun's condition, but still, he worries. A lot. He looks sickly pale sometimes, and it makes Izumi worry even more, if that were even possible. He worries for all of them—secretly. Like how a child keeps his Halloween stash of candy in his closet to indulge in it before dinner. Not that he knew how to keep candy in his closet. He'd have to watch pigs fly first before he’d say it out loud.
Okay, okay, maybe he worries so much because he lo—lo—cares deeply about Knights. Their little studio felt more like home than his apartment in Italy; sometimes, they were more family than with his parents. Sometimes they were his solace. Only sometimes.
Ew, he was being sappy. Izumi shudders at the thought, then his eyes land on the cupcake again. Pretentious. The word flashed in his head in big, bold, and red characters. Everything felt pretentious and wrong.
Home was always in front of him. Home was always within his reach, he knew. Home was wherever those four idiots were, but he couldn't help but take two strides back every single time he realised it. Again, he'd never admit it out loud, but there were times, just minutes before he boards the plane to Florence, when Sena Izumi wishes he could stay with them—with Knights.
Of course he could stay; it wasn't like he was wanted by the police or anything. But… pride. Pride keeps him from finding his way back home. His own hubris blurs the bright northern star. They were like clouds that hid his guiding light from him. He knew all this, and yet, he allowed it to happen over and over again. Like a cycle, one he couldn’t break.
As if his mind wasn't already fucked enough, he suddenly remembers something Tenshouin had asked him once upon a time:
Who killed the cockrobin, Sena-kun?
At that time, he didn't know. Like fuck, he knew. But thinking about it now, perhaps it was his pride too. Then the realisation hit him. Will his pride kill Knights too? No, he wasn't going to think of stuff like that in a public cafe. He gets his own untouched cupcake packed, and then takes four more to go.
He needed a walk. Yeah. Fresh air and a walk to clear his mind.
Suck it up, Sena Izumi. You wouldn't want wrinkles at the age of twenty, would you?