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“Why the hell aren’t you in the infirmary?” Felix barged into Sylvain’s room without bothering to knock. Usually, Sylvain wouldn’t have minded, but he wasn’t in the mood today. Every inch of him hurt and all he wanted to do was sleep.
Sylvain sighed from where he lay on his bed. He’d only just gotten comfortable and wasn’t about to roll over so he could look at Felix. “They needed the beds for other people, so Dimitri carried me back here.” He’d tried to insist that he could make it by himself, but then Ingrid had threatened to get involved and that would have made an embarrassing enough situation much worse. The thought of being carried by Ingrid wasn’t embarrassing because she was a girl, but rather the fact she would be treating him like a spoiled toddler who didn’t get his way and making sure everyone else knew it. Back in his room, it had taken a lot of convincing to get Dimitri to leave, but suggesting Mercedes might need him to move other patients finally did the trick.
“Fine, then we’ll move on to the next issue. What the hell were you thinking earlier? Do you have a death wish or something?”
“I was protecting Annette. I didn’t have time to think it through that thoroughly.” Sylvain was tired of the criticism. He’d been scolded by basically every Blue Lion. Even Ashe had asked him to be more careful. Only Dedue didn’t say anything, but it was clear the other man was worried. The furrowed brows and frown were almost worse than if he had yelled at him. “Everyone else has already chewed me out, so why don’t you just leave and let me get some rest?”
“But are you actually going to try and do better next time? You won’t always be so lucky.”
Sylvain pulled himself up into a sitting position so he could glare at Felix. The other man stood just a few feet away, fists balled up at his side. The slightly furrowed brow told Sylvain that he was worried about him, not just angry, but he’d had enough of being yelled at for one day. “So what? You’ll do fine without me.”
Felix returned the glare for a moment before turning on his heel and marching for the door. Instead of leaving though, he slid the bolt into place, locking the door shut. Shit. This was definitely not good. Maybe he should have just let Felix yell at him. At least he would leave him alone after that. Whatever was happening now was bound to be much worse.
Sylvain waited anxiously, hands tightly gripping the sheets of his bed. The glare Felix had leveled on him had been icy cold and now the other man's gaze was focused on the floor giving nothing away. When he reached the bed, to Sylvain's astonishment, Felix fell to his knees, then his hands came to rest on Sylvain's knees, before sliding up his thighs, sides, and chest finally coming to hold his face. Only then did Felix look at him, all of the ice completely gone, replaced by the softest expression Sylvain had ever seen on the other man.
Sylvain's entire body was burning hot. Somehow this was far more embarrassing than any of the times they'd made out in public spaces, even the times they'd gone a bit farther than that.
Felix's thumb rubbed over the corner of Sylvain's mouth and he simply watched the redhead for several moments. "You don't think you deserve to be happy do you?"
Sylvain sighed, one hand going up to take Felix's. "Even if I do deserve it, it won't happen. I'll either die in this war or get forced into a political marriage for my parents' benefit." Had it been anyone else, Sylvain would have denied it. Again and again, until they believed him, but with Felix the words slipped out easily.
The softness in Felix's gaze faded, only a slight hint left behind, as the angry frown Sylvain was so familiar with returned, though it was no longer directed at him. "I won't let that happen."
"You can't always be with me on the battlefield, Fe."
Felix's brow furrowed a bit more, but he didn't argue. It was true enough, but that wouldn't stop him from trying. It wouldn’t stop either of them from trying. "I meant both of those, you know."
"You can't spend your whole life arguing with my parents either. You've got to make yourself happy too."
Felix raised an eyebrow, almost tempted to laugh. Was Sylvain really that oblivious or was this just a continuation of believing he didn’t deserve to be happy? "Firstly, being with you is what makes me happy. Secondly, who said anything about arguing with them? They can’t do anything if you’re a married man.” Felix watched as Sylvain’s face slowly shifted from confusion to awe, his eyes wide as saucers.
“Felix, are you serious?” By now his cheeks were almost the same red as his hair.
“Obviously. I’ve been serious about it since we made that promise as kids.”
“Wait a minute. Hold on. When we promised not to die before each other, that was when you decided you wanted to marry me?”
Now it was Felix’s turn to be embarrassed and he looked away. “I planned on spending the rest of my life with you. The romantic aspects are more recent.”
“So am I supposed to answer now?” Sylvain knew the answer already, he’d known for years now.
“Absolutely not.”
“Eh? I thought you wanted to marry me.” Sylvain hadn’t had any idea what to expect, but the reply still felt rather harsh. It made sense though, there was no way Felix would be satisfied with this as his proposal.
“Not yet. What kind of proposal would this even be?”
“A shitty one.” That sent both men into a bout of laughter, their foreheads pressed together as the laughter finally subsided.
Felix pulled back, only enough to adjust so he could pull Sylvain in for a kiss. “Now let me show you how much you deserve to be loved.” Another slow kiss on the lips, but he pulled away as soon as Sylvain moved to deepen it. Ignoring Sylvain’s whine, Felix started to press kisses along his jaw, then down his neck, lips barely ghosting over his skin. His hands made quick work of the buttons on Sylvain’s shirt and he quickly pushed it off the man’s shoulders. Those soft kisses continued down his chest, while his hands slid over his arms and sides. Once he reached Sylvain’s belly button, he started on the ties of Sylain’s pants, which the redhead eagerly hurried to remove. Rather than giving Sylvain the attention where he wanted it, Felix continued pressing light kisses over the jut of his hips, then along the inside of his thighs.
“Fe-, please.” In the beginning, Sylvain had been embarrassed, ashamed even of how whiny and desperate Felix made him, but that had slowly faded as he got more comfortable. Felix loved having him like this, soft and pliant, not that he didn’t appreciate the times when Sylvain was a cheeky bastard. He just couldn’t get enough of watching Sylvain fall apart under his touch.
A few more kisses to just past his knees, then Felix was climbing to his feet. He chuckled lightly as he came back up to give Sylvain another kiss. “Already that desperate?”
“After the conversation we just had? Obviously.” This time though, when Felix pulled away Sylvain managed to keep the whine to himself.
Felix stood up long enough to remove his own clothes, which Sylvain watched carefully, before settling on the bed up against the headboard. After carefully setting up the pillow behind him, he patted his lap slightly, laughing when Sylvain stumbled in his hurry to climb into it. The laugh didn’t last long before Sylvain was eagerly pressing their lips together and this time Felix didn’t stop Sylvain from deepening the kiss or the roll of his hips.
For a while, Felix had thought he might not be interested in a physical relationship at all. He’d never found anyone attractive enough to kiss, let alone do more. Even with Sylvain, the attraction wasn't exactly what everyone said it should be. Sure kissing Sylvain felt good, but that wasn’t why he did it. He kissed Sylvain because the redhead loved it. At any moment Felix’s own pleasure was a far second next to Sylvain’s. As long as the other man was enjoying himself, that was enough.
Pleasing Sylvain? Watching the redhead fall apart under his touch, desperate and begging for more? That was addicting, a stronger rush than even battle could give him and something he’d been unwilling to admit, but perhaps now, when Sylvain needed all the reassurance he could get, was the right time.
Felix pulled back from Sylvain, holding the other man’s chin when he leaned in. He didn’t hold back the smirk that tugged at his lips when Sylvain whined again. Right now Sylvain was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, body flushed from his cheeks down to his chest, eyes half-lidded, lips puffy, and chest heaving from exertion. “Goddess, I love you like this.”
Sylvain’s flush deepened and he once again looked back at Felix with wide eyes.
“All worked up and desperate. I’m the only one who's ever gotten to see you like this, huh?”
A slow nod as Sylvain slowly took in the praise. He’d been intimate with plenty of other people, Felix knew that, but none of them had ever gotten to see him this relaxed. Sylvain had never trusted them enough to leave himself in their hands.
“I’m sure you know how pretty you are and I could tell you about it, but we’ll save that for another day.” Felix paused long enough to kiss Sylvain again, to give him some relief, but certainly not enough. This time though, Sylvain didn’t struggle against the hand on his chin. “But you know how I feel seeing you like this? You know the rush I get in battle?”
A nod. Sylvain didn’t trust himself to speak. What if the fantasy came crashing down if he did?
“That rush can hardly compare to the one I feel when I’m with you.”
“Fe, you don’t have to lie to me to make me feel better about myself.” The words were out before he could stop himself. Of course, he would find a way to ruin a moment like this.
Felix’s grip on Sylvain’s chin tightened. “I’m not lying, dumbass. Even the little things, like sitting next to each other in meetings, having meals together, those damn smiles you give me from across the room when I’m trapped talking to some official who is clearly getting on my nerves. Sure I enjoy training, but I can go a day without those. I can’t go a day without you.”
Sylvain stared back at him with wide eyes for a moment, then his features shifted, nose scrunching up and tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Almost in an instant, he was a blubbering mess, tears streaking down his cheeks, unable to speak, and of course the sniffles.
Felix’s grip on Sylvain’s chin immediately fell away and he pulled the other man to him, one hand rubbing small gentle circles on his back while the other ran slowly through his hair. He didn’t need to say anything. At times like this, Sylvain just needed support while he got it out of his system. So Felix held him like that, occasionally moving to press a soft kiss to his cheek or neck.
Finally, Sylvain pulled back, though he couldn’t look Felix in the eyes. His own eyes were red and puffy and there was snot dripping from his nose. “Probably not very pretty right now.”
Felix laughed then reached over to the nightstand for a handkerchief, which he used to carefully dry the tears and snot on Sylvain’s face. “Not particularly sexy, I’ll admit, but you’re still cute even like this.”
That got a laugh out of Sylvain. He took the handkerchief from Felix to blow his nose and the pair nearly lost it and the elephant-like sounds that resulted. “You’re too good to me, Fe.”
“It’s what you deserve.”
Just half an hour earlier Sylvain might have argued with him. He still didn’t think he deserved the love and attention Felix gave him, but if it made Felix happy to give it to him, well he’d accept it anyways. “So do you. Next time I’ll be the sappy one.”
A few months ago, those words would have made Felix groan, but now he leaned in to give Sylvain another slow kiss. “I look forward to it. Now how about we get back to where we left off before you became a blubbering mess.”
“That was your fault!”
Felix hummed, considering for a moment before using Sylvain’s distraction to roll them over. “And I plan on making you cry again, though for very different reasons.”