Chapter Text
You’re running through a forest, branches cutting into your bare legs and arms, tearing apart your kimono worn and patched over the years by a warm mother who no longer lives. Rain blurs your vision, turns the ground muddy as you gasp for air, catching drops of water in your mouth.
You’re running through denser brushes now, no longer the childhood haunts you once roamed with your unruly gang of kids. The ground inclines uphill, your slippers have long since been abandoned, stuck in the mud somewhere.
You’re running from the people who are raiding your village, your home.
You see it in your vision, the top of the mountain you’re climbing. A clearing of trees with a lake in the middle, laid bare under the stormy skies. It was a place of comfort from your childhood, a place of peace and serenity. You went there to pray often, for you were sure a god lived there in that very lake. Your mother often told you stories of gods dwelling in places of beauty, and if there ever was a god dwelling in your childhood home, it would be in that very lake. You were sure of it.
Now, you’re not so sure. You’re sure of one thing. You’re sure they’re chasing you. You hear the yelling. You smell the smoke rising from your burned village and you aren’t sure if the wetness on your cheeks came from the rain or your tears.
Your hands reach towards the lake. Every single time you’ve prayed for something, luck always hits you out of nowhere. The lake glitters even in the heavy rain. Please. Please . Kami-sama, I want to—
A whoosh. A thud. Something protrudes from your chest. You look down at the arrowhead, glittering like the bulb of a flower blooming in an ocean of red. It’s your blood. Dull pain spreads across your chest as your vision blurs. The strength in your legs disappears and you fall.
Darkness consumes you next. At least it was fast. At least you had that to thank Kami for.
—
Please, Kami-sama, I want to—
The words cut off. No, something else cut off. It jerked him so violently he stood up from his Jinzen. Today’s rain and thunder had been the perfect moment for him to train in the world of the living, and perhaps watch and listen to his sole worshipper should she appear. The heavy rain curtained his vision and filled the area with the scent of petrichor, but underneath all that, he smelled something familiar. Blood.
His body reacted before he could fully process what was happening. He moved as if drawn like a string of fate. Except one end of it was now empty. Where? Where is it? He searched for it, floundering in the darkness for the string that escaped his grasp. He still felt its presence but oh, it was so weak. So weak it tore into him and shredded his insides.
His heart hammered in his head when he stumbled upon the usual path you took. The air escaped him. A body lay prone on the ground, with a long wooden arrow shaft sticking out of it, right from the centre.
His mind began to race with thoughts he couldn’t fully understand. Could humans survive an injury like that? Was she still alive? Is she dead? Who did this? She’s still alive, isn’t she? Isn’t she?
Then the men appeared, splattered in blood and laughing about their conquest. One of them placed a foot on the body and pulled the arrow out, still covered in warm fresh blood. And suddenly his mind stopped thinking. He held a sword in his hand. He didn’t have to think.
Kami-sama, today, I was the fastest out of all my friends! Thank you so much for granting my wish. The little girl grinned, sitting by the pond, cross-legged with mud staining her kimono. She might have seen him once when she was much younger. Human children were perceptive enough to see the spiritual. Even though human memories were fickle and she forgot she’d ever seen him, she came back. Her visits ranged from weekly to monthly. He meditated by that lake often enough, but there were times he missed her visits. Even so, he heard her prayers. Words at the back of his head.
I hurt my leg today. In the middle of class, he blinked, straightening his back. She’d hurt herself? Mama yelled at me, she said I shouldn’t be playing with the boys like that. He agreed, young boys were especially rough. Please heal my leg fast so that mama isn’t sad anymore! But wait, if she hurt her leg, what was she doing at the top of the mountain?
”Jūshirō,” Yamamoto demanded gruffly, and he snapped to attention. “Your mind is elsewhere.”
“My apologies, sir,” He said sheepishly and the rest of his class laughed. Shunsui sent him a sly grin that he tried to ignore. He would visit the living world later and check on her leg. He’d been taught time and time again never to interfere with the world of the living, but he just wanted to see. To put his mind at ease.
Kami-sama, today, we ran out of food. Mama says the war is affecting us badly. Please… Her voice broke. Please, stop the war. She knelt by the lake, looking down into the serene waters while he watched from the other end. She had a gaunt look to her, but the light still sparked in her eyes.
Just a little, he thought. Just this once. After all, the other Captains got away with interfering so much with the living world (though it was for the sake of eliminating the quincies). They should afford him this much. Uttering a Kidō spell under his breath, he trapped a deer and injured it from afar. The smell of blood should draw her attention when she goes back down.
Kami-sama, they erected a shrine in the middle of the village for a different god. The goddess of life, I think. She looked different this time. Her hair had grown longer, her features sharper, her height taller. Humans grew so quickly, he marveled at how different she seemed in only the span of a decade. She sat there longer than usual and he waited and watched until curiosity got the best of him. He approached her as close as he dared and watched her arrange some stones that had been rounded smooth by the lake’s waters.
She hummed to herself as she worked. Here, it’s not as grand, but I made a shrine. Mother says a shrine can be made of anything, as long as I pray to it. What a strange piece of art, he mused. It looked like a shaky tower of stones had been built. The top stone tumbled down and she panicked and reached for it, only to tumble into the lake. He laughed as he watched her emerge, soaked wet and looking miserably at her ruined creation of pebbles and stones. He wanted to tell her he didn’t need a shrine. He didn’t need offerings or flowers or sacrifices. He just needed her prayers.
She didn’t appear the week after that. He used shunpo to reach her village, still daytime and rife with activity. He was simply examining human life, he told himself, an excuse he made in case Central 46 questioned his unnecessary curiosity. Human life is tied to Soul Society, and the recent wars were upsetting the balance between the two realms. This was an observation, he lied in his head.
Her small little house lay towards the end of the street, rundown and barely kept together by a thatched hay roof. He’d been there once in the dead of night to look at her injured leg that had been nothing more than a scratch. Now, she lay in her hay pallet, curled up and shivering in the summer heat. She’d fallen sick. Possibly from the lake.
Humans were so fragile. He watched her take shallow breaths, pale and weak. He placed a hand over her forehead and startled at the heat he felt.
He looked around him at the empty home, as if waiting for someone to appear and catch him. No one. He didn’t sense anything unusual in the vicinity either. Without caring for the consequences, he used Kidō on a human. Her fever subsided and he left quickly.
He shouldn’t have done that. This was already the second time. He couldn’t keep getting away with breaking the rules like this. But what if she died from the fever? It didn’t occur to him then that as a shinigami, he had to be impartial to human deaths.
Kami-sama, father says it’s time for me to marry.
He blinked, his mind drifting immediately to the prayer whilst in the midst of a Captains’ meeting. He and Shunsui had just been promoted to Captains and they were discussing human events. This was the first he’d heard of her father.
I may have to move away. Father says my chances would be better in the city. Please help me find someone good.
She was leaving. The strange empty void that opened in his chest disturbed him. Find someone good for her? He almost scoffed. There was no one in the world of the living worthy of her hand.
Shunsui nudged him with his elbow and he jolted back to the meeting. He tried his best to pay attention to the rest of the contents, but as soon as the meeting was over, he disappeared into the world of the living.
She was still there, sitting by the lake, under the tree he usually meditated by. Her fingers teased the strands of grass beside her, her mind absent. He walked towards her, the closest he’d been since he felt her forehead for a fever. She looked different. Every time he saw her, she looked different.
Today her hair had been tied up, baring her pale slender neck that slipped into her pink kimono. Her usual soulful eyes remained downcast, the emotions swirling in them hidden behind long lashes. Her lips parted slightly as she thought.
“What are you thinking of?” He asked, though she couldn’t hear him. He sat beside her, leaning against the same tree.
She moved, hugging her legs to her chest. As if she heard his words, she replied, or maybe she spoke to herself aloud. “I don’t want to go,” She said, tears welling in her eyes. “Mama is sick. I can’t leave her for the city.” Back to mama again. He smiled. When she tried to seem grown, she used mother instead.
He turned to look at her. At how far she’d grown. He knew her more than he knew anyone else. She was his first and only worshiper. Her thoughts flowed into his. He’d broken rules for her. He’d watched her grow from a child to the woman she is today. She gave him power. She made him. She was his .
The revelation startled him. A cool wind blew, swaying errant strands of hair around her face and rippling the serene surface of the lake. “We are tied by fate.” He said. “Wherever you go, I will listen to you.”
A human lifespan during such times of war would last a mere fifty to sixty years. He would come to collect her soul then, and he’d bring her to Soul Society. He tapped her forehead and uttered a Kido spell. He was one of the best Kido students the academy had ever produced, he could blend multiple spells into a new creation. And here, he created a string of fate that tied them both.
But she never left the village.
As usual, the dream turned into something else, distorted into a gray rainy day. He knew the path by now. His legs carried him to the same place, the same body, the same arrow. He knelt by the body and waited.
Waited to wake up.
Ukitake Jushiro woke up. The rays of light streamed past his sliding doors and cast checkered shadows across his face. He listened to the sound of the pond outside, trickling, and the rhythmic clacking of the sozu in his garden. Maybe today he’ll conduct another search.
Your earliest memory was of Sakahone, district 76 in East Rukongai, one of the poorest districts in Soul Society. In this world where souls are reborn and cast aside when the scales are unbalanced, you are another insignificant number trying to survive. Thieving didn’t work, not when you were a lone figure with no other gang of kids to depend on. So you joined the Shin’o Academy. You had enough reiatsu to pass the entrance exam and from there you just worked hard.
Your hair cascaded like a curtain around your face as you finished up your calligraphy assignment, and you briefly pondered cutting it to ease your burden. It had grown longer than you last remembered, but time was strange. You had no recollection of how long you’d been here in Soul Society, just that you’d woken up one day and you’d been struggling to survive until you entered the academy.
Your stomach growled and your face heated from the sound. You hoped no one else heard it in the library.
“Hungry again?” A girl sat beside you in the library, watching you work curiously. Her long black hair was tied up and braided into a complicated bun.
“Hina," You grinned. This was Ukitake Hina, the youngest child of the Ukitake aristocratic family, a bright and energetic girl.
She giggled as she dug into her sleeves and handed you a freshly baked round bun. You looked down at your hands stained with ink. “Say ah ,” She tore a piece and stuffed it into your mouth. Shocked, you chewed slowly and then swallowed only to be accosted with another piece.
A blush dusted your cheeks. “Y-Young Lady, you shouldn’t do that.” She stuffed it into your mouth anyway and you chewed, trying to ignore the embarrassment.
“You know, I heard that if you get hungry often, it’s because the reishi in the air isn’t enough for you,” She mused out loud, tearing a bigger piece off from the bun that made you wary.
“Really?” You asked anyway, your mouth still full so she couldn’t feed you another piece.
“Yeah, you know how the common people outside the Academy don’t need to eat to survive? They live off the reishi in the air. But we get hungry. You get hungry a lot.”
She didn’t have to point that out. “I-It’s because the food is so good,” You stuttered out. The cafeteria did have some delicacies that had you going back for seconds all the time.
She giggled again and this time stuffed the entire bun into your mouth. You let out a muffled sound of surprise. The piece she’d plucked earlier went into her mouth instead. “You should try for the 13th Division!”
“Mmmph?”
“My older brother is a Captain there!” She exclaimed. You knew this story multiple times over. Hina boasted often about her oldest brother being one of the Captains of the Gotei 13, with multiple shrines in the living world and thousands of worshippers. “He often writes about how nice his division is.” Hina also complained about how she never got to see her brother who, in between bouts of work and illness, could barely make time for her.
“Mm mmph?”
”You’ll obviously get in! You’re part of the accelerated program. They’d love to have you there.” Hina continued, somehow understanding your words.
”Mmph?”
“Me?” Hina blinked. “I don’t really want to be a shinigami. I’d rather marry into a noble house.”
Well, Hina did have that option after all. She was a pretty girl from a low-class aristocratic family and related to a Captain at that. There were bound to be many noblemen lining up for her hand in marriage, and you wouldn’t have to worry about them mistreating her because of her brother’s reputation. She could handle herself just fine anyways.
The cheerful girl often studied with you in the library (though she snacked more often rather than learned). Once evening hit you would always walk with her down the quiet hallways and send her off at the gates.
“Good luck on your mission tomorrow!” Hina waved at you as she departed for the evening. As the daughter of an aristocratic family, low or not, she had her own lodgings outside of the barracks.
Thirteenth division, huh . You stood by the notice board where recruitment posters had been pasted, musing at each one. You had options, even the Kido corps extended offers to you. The problem was, despite being part of the accelerated program, you haven’t once awakened your Zanpakuto. You didn’t know its name nor could you activate its Shikai. You would never be able to gain a seated position like this. But your time was running out, you would graduate soon and you had to pick.
Adrenaline and anxiety filled your veins. You were going to become a shinigami. Everyone in Soul Society knew about the shinigami. They defended Seireitei, fought hollows, performed konso, and the strongest ones had worshippers in the world of the living. Temples built in their names. Who knows? Maybe you’d have worshippers one day too. A shrine of your own, but that was wishful thinking. Legends echoed from the heavens to earth, and you had to be truly spectacular to have your name repeated by the humans.
You considered your options at night. The eleventh division was out of the question, there was no way you could survive in such a thuggish hellscape where everyone probably arm wrestled everyday to assert dominance. The first division was a model division, everyone there were role models, from studies to skills to manners. It seemed a little tedious to uphold such a position at all times. Forget about the fourth division, you couldn’t imagine yourself emanating the same calm and peaceful air Captain Unohana did in times of emergencies. You’d most likely mess up someone’s treatment instead if fights happened all around.
The sixth division sounded nice. The Kuchiki family ran it and they were a stable Noble Family. You heard their new son was showing potential, and when he becomes the next Captain, there was a chance for you to snatch the Lieutenant position in the change. The ninth division was convenient. You didn’t have to leave the comforts of Soul Society for the world of the living because you were focused on guarding Soul Society.
Too many options had you spiraling a little, so you shoved away those thoughts and went to bed in the barracks, cramped with a few other students who snored away. You’d think about it later when you got your first mission tomorrow. As part of the accelerated program, you were allowed missions before graduation and a chance to cooperate with other students.
Excitement thrummed through your body, tinged with nervousness. You heard students died on these missions before, but you wanted the experience, the combat against hollows, the first step into the world of the living. You found yourself unable to sleep until past midnight, but your sleep was fitful, full of waking moments and strange dreams.
Your eyes were heavy as you lined up outside the official Senkaimon with the other accelerated program kids. Kido corps members stood on either side, ready to open the gate. Mr. Onabara debriefed everyone on the mission today, a simple enough Hollow extermination mission, made easy by the numbers advantage Class 1 had and led by the class valedictorian, Shiba Kaien. He was a legend amongst the students, someone who supposedly completed the curriculum in two years.
Then the Senkaimon gates opened and everyone buzzed with excitement. Kaien took hold of a caged Hell Butterfly and released it into the gate. Everyone followed through.
A bright light flashed at the end of the dark tunnel, and your vision momentarily blanked before adjusting to your new surroundings. A mountainous area with coniferous trees in the midst of spring greeted your group. Night darkened everyone’s visions and Kaien uttered a Kido spell to light the way.
“Stay close everybody,” He said. You knew the drill. Everyone fanned out in a formation, spreading their senses wide to scan for disturbing reiatsu. From what Mr. Onabara said, the hollow that roamed these mountains was a voracious eater. It devoured whole groups and its attacks had been increasing in frequency.
Groups of shinigami would prove to be useful bait for it, especially since their souls had more reiatsu, hence more delicious. The chill of the night settled on your skin, raising bumps and sending shivers down your spine. This whole mountain gave you a bad feeling, but since no one else looked as uneasy as you felt, you chalked it up to paranoia. The feeling only grew worse the deeper the group ascended into the mountains. The trees and brushes have grown so thick that everyone had no choice but to use shunpo to travel instead, kicking off branches to go deeper.
Your stomach churned, and you were thankful you barely ate anything in your excitement, for you were sure you would’ve vomited something out. This went beyond nervousness. Something about this mountain truly unsettled you and you couldn’t pinpoint why.
Kaien stopped in the middle of a path uphill. It was clear enough for everyone to gain proper footing. You took advantage of the break and tried to control your breathing.
“Someone’s missing,” Kaien said.
Everyone looked at one another. He was right. Their group of ten had dwindled to nine.
“Did anyone see the last guy?” Kaien asked, but everyone only shared an uneasy look with one another. No. They hadn’t. “Shit.”
“Should we go back and check?” Someone asked, their voice soft in the night.
“No,” Kaien said. “Don’t split from the group. He could just be lost.”
Lost seemed unlikely. They were all trained in sensing reiatsu and could easily pick one another out after having spent six years together in a class. Right now, they couldn’t sense him.
“Calm down,” Kaien said, snapping everyone out of their anxiety-ridden thoughts. “Remember what we’ve–” His voice cut off when an invisible force dragged him into the forest. Gasps filled the area. Everyone stood frozen at the empty spot Kaien now occupied.
You drew your sword and followed after him, heart hammering in your head. The sounds of fighting and the flare of reiatsu changed your path. You spotted Kaien stabbing his sword into a massive caterpillar-like creature, with slick coating its green hued skin.
You ran through a list of Hado spells in your head. Flames were out of the question. You were in a forest after all. Something energy related then.
“Hado number four, Byakurai!” A burst of lightning shot forth from your hands at the creature. It shrieked in anger and freed Kaien from its mandibles. The man was covered in ooze and white silk-like threads but he managed to escape before the next attack.
The caterpillar burrowed into the ground, and its reiatsu disappeared once more. This was how it hid.
Kaien reappeared at your side, annoyance furrowing his brows. The both of you looked around the forest, waiting for it to appear, sword gripped tightly in your hands. It was only until you heard distant screaming did you both realize it had gone for the others. You both took off, back to the path where the caterpillar emerged and swallowed two more shinigami.
Kaien began a series of incantations which ended with “Hado number sixty-three! Raikoho!” He yelled and a massive charge of lightning energy shot forth at the caterpillar, blowing its sides apart. This was the specialty of the Shiba clan. Your mouth parted in awe at the power he emitted.
The caterpillar screamed, its mandibles spreading apart. White silk shot out from its mouth, splaying everywhere.
“Don’t get caught in those!” Kaien yelled, but it was easier said than done. A few got tangled in the silk and dragged towards the hollow. Its wound began to heal the more shinigami it swallowed. You cut the silk and freed your classmates, grabbing them and using shunpo to evade another stream of silk.
Kaien appeared beside you, grabbing a few more classmates too. “We need to lure it somewhere else,” He said, examining the hollow as it wriggled around trees at a speed that was way too fast for something that big and gross. “It’s hard to evade the silk threads in the forest.”
“Uphill,” You said suddenly. “There’s a clearing uphill.”
Kaien shot you a look. A question in his eyes that you didn’t know the answer to yourself. How did you know? You just did. He never argued though, simply nodded and changed course for uphill.
Deja vu hit you out of nowhere as you ascended the path. A sense of foreboding settled upon you that you tried to shake off. Something came into view, something that jolted you out of your thoughts. A shrine. A grand pagoda shrine surrounded by cherry blossoms, reflected in a beautiful still lake. This isn’t meant to be here. But the thought faded as soon as it came. You’d never been here before, so how could you have known?
“Whose shrine is this?” Kaien asked.
“No time to find out.” Someone said, “It’s here.”
The caterpillar broke through the path and shot its stream of silk. Everyone evaded it easily now that the area was clear.
“String together Hado number four!” Kaien commanded. Smart. As accelerated program students, they didn’t require the incantations for the easier spells. They spread out and surrounded the hollow, palms aimed at it.
“Byakurai!” Everyone yelled and shot at the hollow. Explosions littered its body, and the caterpillar let out a final shriek before collapsing.
Silence filled the area. Everyone watched it suspiciously, not daring to approach it.
“Is it dead?” Someone asked.
“Wait,” Kaien snapped when someone took a step. Everyone stiffened. “Why isn’t it disappearing?”
The caterpillar’s body jolted. A disgusting wet noise sounded. Something protruded from inside the hollow’s body, crawling under its skin like a parasite. You took a few steps back, the fear on your face reflected on everybody else’s.
A sharp thin leg tore through the caterpillar, and the rest of its body emerged. First its head, angular with two large bulbous red eyes. Then the rest of its thorax, then its abdomen. Its wings shone with a sickly sheen under the pale moonlight. It flapped them once and engulfed the entire area in winds.
“Fuck,” Kaien swore. Fuck indeed. The damned thing evolved. It ate enough shinigami and humans that it turned into a butterfly with reiatsu levels far higher than what your class could handle. It was comparable to that of Lieutenant rank. “Prepare Bakudo number four to restrict its wings!” He commanded.
“Hainawa!” Everyone yelled and shot out lightning ropes to grab it.
The butterfly hollow chittered and flapped its wings, breaking some of the weaker ropes and sending two of your classmates flying. It flapped its wings again, drawing everyone to it as it crouched, ready to fly. If it took off for the human villages, then they were all doomed. Once it ate enough souls, it would only keep growing in power and size.
“Bakudo thirty, Shitotsu Sansen.”
Three beams of light shot towards the butterfly, pinning it in place like an insect displayed on a board for examination. Just those three beams alone held more power than your entire class did trying to tie it down with Hainawa .
Who was it? Your head darted around, looking for whoever managed to cast a mid-tier Kido spell with no incantation. As far as you were concerned, no one in your class had reached that level yet.
A graceful figure descended from the night sky like the blade of a guillotine. A silver arc slashed through the darkness, separating the butterfly’s head from its body. The rest of its body disintegrated and the lightning ropes clung onto nothing but air now. A figure draped in white stood by the empty area where the butterfly once sat, sheathing his Zanpakuto. Long white hair billowed in the wind as he stared at the grass, a strange look of deep concentration on his face.
“Ukitake-taichou,” Kaien greeted, drawing the figure’s attention. “I knew it, this must be your shrine. We’re sorry to have disturbed it.” He bowed in apology.
“It’s a good thing you disturbed it,” Ukitake answered, a warm smile on his face. “That hollow was beyond what your class was capable of handling.”
“Its evolution was unexpected,” Kaien said, a little sullen that they’d failed their first ever mission. Nevertheless, it was as Captain Ukitake said. The thing evolved into something beyond their abilities.
Your eyes drew towards the lake, at its mirror-like surface that rippled when pink cherry blossom petals fell atop it. A small stone structure sat beside it, weathered with age and covered in moss. It stood like a miniature shrine, a little pathetic when compared to the pagoda beside it. The discomfort you felt since arriving here disappeared once you entered this place. And now you could only marvel at it all.
“Your shrine is beautiful,” You said, the words tumbling out of you. Truly. You hadn’t expected to find such beauty in this mountain. Something deep inside of you kept telling you none of this was supposed to be here, but you shoved the thoughts away.
“Thank…” Captain Ukitake’s words paused, “...you.”