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Everything in my body ached. My shoulders, my arms, my calves and thighs. We were deployed to some backwater planet where there just so happened to be separatist droid factory in the making. It was almost impossible to get into and a siege took place for weeks on end.
I didn’t really see the point in being there. The regs could have handled it but themselves but it would have taken much longer. But it wouldn’t have mattered to me as long as I got home safe and sound. Home.
She was waiting for me. She was always waiting for me in her little apartment on Coruscant, sitting patiently on her vintage red loveseat that we so often shared with each other. She would wear my purposely left behind undershirt while she slept in the large bed she bought after our first night together, inhaling my leftover scent as deeply as she could without erasing it completely. She’d stare at my toothbrush, my mug that says ‘WORLDS BEST GRANDMA,’ read the special addition of ‘How to Shoot a Blaster’ I got her for her birthday, and listen to all the voice recordings I sent her when I’m too tired to type. And knowing all that made coming home so much more special.
The lights were off when I stepped through the door. It was late and she stopped making it a habit of staying up on nights she didn’t think I was going to be home. I turned on the kitchen light and leaned my rifle against the counter. There was a pot of soup sitting on the stove and I couldn’t help the small chuckle that left my lips.
“Forgetful as always.” I hummed and put a lid on the pot and placed it into the fridge. There wasn’t much inside. She was overdue for a grocery trip. One I hope I get to go on , I thought.
After deciding to take my armor off and placing it delicately on her vintage loveseat, I head to the bedroom to see my girl. My girl.
The room was dark all except for the curtains drawn wide open, moonlight seeping in through the windows. Her face was nuzzled into the pillow, my pillow, and a pool of drool seeped into the satin case. Strands of hair flew over her face, and I tenderly pulled them aside tucking them behind her ear. She didn’t stir.
I threw my shirt off, pulled the sheets back and climbed in beside her. My rough fingers curled around her soft ones and in a matter of minutes I was sleeping peacefully.
***
I didn’t know how much time had passed since I fell asleep but it couldn’t have been more than an hour before I was woken up from the sound of sniffles and quiet whimpers. My hand was still clenched around hers. She was trembling. I watched her quietly, her face contorting at moments and little mumbles passing through her plump lips. And then tears started to creep through her closed eyes and slide down her red cheeks.
Suddenly I was more awake than I had felt in days. She never had a nightmare before, at least not when I was around. I didn’t know what to do. She was always so brave and strong, my rock on my worst days. But this was different and I had no clue on how to handle it.
So I did the most reasonable option. Do what she would do for me. I slid my free hand up the back of her shirt, my shirt, and rubbed at her back just hard enough to wake her. She didn’t move, the tears still flowing steadily down her face. I leaned over and trailed kisses over her cheeks and eyelids and nose and lips, mumbling reassurances in the darkness of the night.
“Wake up, doll.” I pressed my forehead against hers. “Wake up.”
Her fingers twitched in my grasp and her breathing evened. Eventually her eyes opened, but not with the burning strength I was so used to seeing. She was silent for a moment and then she bursted into more tears. I said nothing and pulled her close, her face flushed against my bare chest. I did not shush her cries.
We stayed embracing each other until the early glimpses of sun shined through the window, coating us in a glowing warmth. Though we did not need it.
“You should sleep, doll,” I said quietly. “You should sleep.”
She breathed a quiet ‘no’ in the crook of my neck and I sighed. Soft lips started to press along my skin up until my jaw and then back down again. It was her morning ritual, a way of saying she was ready to get up and start the day but she couldn’t unless I was also. I only ever let my guard down with her, and with that comes sleeping in later than even she does. She always wakes me up when I’m home.
“Hey.” I said once she started nipping behind my ear, a sign that she was after something else entirely. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” She chuckles, continuing her assault.
“Do that.”
“Which is?”
I pulled her away and looked into her eyes. She pouts and I can tell whatever she dreamt was still bothering her.
“I know you better than you think.” I said. “And I know you know what I’m talking about.”
Any playfulness that was there left and she sat up. I watched her leave the comfort and safety of the bed, my shirt reaching below the curve where her thigh meets her butt. She goes to the closet and pulls out a shirt and some slacks. I watch her dress but I don’t force her to talk.
She shuffles into the bathroom. I can’t see her anymore. I hear running water, the scrape of a hairbrush on hair, the ruffle of a makeup bag filled too full. She does her whole routine and I only get up to follow her when she leaves for the kitchen.
She heats up the soup from the night before, eats half of it, pours the rest down the drain. She takes some vitamins, painkillers, and protein supplements. A cup of coffee is then brewed. She drinks one cup, then two, then four and I have to pull her away when she goes to make her fifth one. Not a word comes out of her mouth, but she kisses me deeply on the lips, the contact filled with promises I know she wishes to fulfill. And then she's gone off to work.
I don’t see her until a few hours later, later than when she gets off of work. Her hands are filled with grocery bags and my heart aches because I wasn’t able to go. We cooked dinner side by side, still hardly any words were said. She drinks a few glasses of wine and soon we are entangled together on her loveseat, pleasure and ecstasy the only thing on our minds.
And then finally she opened up to me, and I wished I kept her home like I do whenever I visit. She cries again and again and I hold her securely in my arms, whispering sweet things in her ears that mean so much to her.
When I lay next to her after the sun had set and we were ready to succumb to the pull of sleep, she leaned close to whisper in my ear.
“I love you,” She said.
“I know.”
“Say it back, Cross.” She kisses me. “Please say it back. Just this once.”
“I love you.”
“Say it again.” She kisses me a second time.
“I love you.”
“Again.” Another kiss.
“I love you.”
“One more time.” She kisses deeply, her tongue swiping my lower lip and I become lost for breath.
When she pulls away, her eyes shine bright with expectancy and I know exactly what to say. I then whisper:
“I love you, doll.” I kissed her and she finally smiles truly.