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There were always expectations on Shimmerpaw. He knew that, and he thought his sister did too. Clearpaw was going to be the medicine cat and he was to be the leader. That was how it had been since they were kits. But suddenly his father was hissing, snarling that Clearpaw wasn't their daughter anymore. She wasn't Shimmerpaw's sister.
Their family was old and proud, meant to be strong. Clearpaw had always known that. She was smarter than most, ready with herbs at a moment's notice. Clearpaw was brilliant and slender. Shimmerpaw's opposite, his other half. Now his father was telling him had to do this on his own. He mustn't speak to Clearpaw again. Not until she changes her mind. Not until she's willing to be his sister again.
(Turtlepaw had told him Clearpaw was his brother, a tense look in her eye. Like she'd been contemplating something, stuck on a thought.)
Shimmerpaw didn't have time to worry about what Clearpaw was and was not. His father said he couldn't speak to his littermate anymore and that was that. He wondered what his dear mother would say about that, if she knew. If she still graced them with her presence. But she was stardust now. Shimmerpaw jutted his jaw out and looked at Riverheart. His mentor was an older, stern she-cat. She didn't have kits yet, but Shimmerfall knew she wanted some. He could mentor one...
Or perhaps mentor one of Sparrowsong's kits, they would be apprentices when he was a young warrior, the impress Echostar, and become deputy. Seemed easy enough. He shook out his paws and waited for Riverheart's signal to go. The tom flicked his tail, always one of few words.
Shimmerpaw ran off into the woods. His assessment had begun.
He passed, naturally. He was the most talented warrior in his age group. (In his humble opinion, of course.) Shimmerfall. It felt final, like the ending of something. That seemed to fit the tom. Shimmerfall was made of endings. The end of his apprenticeship, the end of his mother, the end of seeing Clearpaw…
He looked at the medicine cat apprentice where she (he?) stood, watching him with narrowed amber eyes. She looked proud of him, he thought. He wanted to think that. He looked around quickly to make sure his father wasn't around and dashed up to Clearpaw. "I… I got my name," he whispered. She gave a subtle nod. He thought he could see a smile tugging on her lips, but she was trying her hardest to hide it. Clearpaw had always been stoic like that.
"You'll get yours soon enough," he promised quickly, seeming his father in the corner of his vision.
"Shimmerfall!" He could hear his father coming closer. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something else.
"You don't have to listen to him, you know, you're a warrior now."
"You and I both know that's not true."
"Shimmerfall-"
He turned around, spun on his paws really. "Sir-" he cleared his throat. He could feel Clearpaw's gaze in his back. The little pricks of betrayal. They stung, like a thousand wasps.
"You don't talk to her, do you understand?" his father whispered in his ear, "She's not a part of the family anymore."
"But Clearpaw's going to be my medicine cat," he started. His father growled and he immediately went quiet.
"One day, I'll get Maplepool to see some sense," he whispered, "Any day now."
His words made Shimmerfall's spine crawl. He didn't like the idea of his father meddling in anything. He was heavy-handed with his methods, and he never cared who got hurt in the process.
Not even Shimmerfall. It had been a hard, but important lesson to learn. The easiest thing to do was listen and stay out of the way.
That's what he did when his father screamed at the newly named Clearstone in the middle of camp.
"You let her become a medicine cat?" he screeched, "We're entrusting our signs and connection to Starclan to a cat who doesn't even know who she is?"
Maplepool didn't seem fazed. She looked more annoyed, angry at most. "Skyfrost, he has trained hard to become a medicine cat. Clearstone is a valid healer-"
Shimmerfall saw his father tear into Clearstone again. The speckled white cat cringed under the force of their father's wrath. He looked at Shimmerfall meeting his gaze. There was a simple message. Help. Clearstone had always been good at masking his emotions, but Shimmerfall could see his tense muscles. The fear in his dilated eyes. His brother…
But Shimmerfall had his own code of conduct. One Clearstone had understood and chosen to break. So, as his brother silently pleaded for his assistance, Shimmerfall did what he always did.
He looked away, and kept his head down.
Whitepaw settled next to him. She placed her tail on his. The she-cat was only halfway through her training, but Shimmerfall swore she had more sense than most warriors. At least, if he was backed into a corner, he knew Whitepaw was in it with him.
Time inched to a crawl, where Clearstone wouldn't talk to him. Not that they talked much before, but what had been a few friendly words was maddening silence. Which was how Shimmerfall found himself in the company of Whitepaw and her littermates. It made sense, him and Whitepaw were…
(Friends? Courting? Tolerating each other after she put beetles in his nest when he beat her in spar three moons ago?)
He would figure that out later. Whitepaw caused too many feelings in his chest. Frustration (because she was smarter than him). Admiration (also because she was smarter than him). And something tight. Something itchy.
He didn't like to think about it, since Shimmerfall seemed to also have had his brother's allergy to his own emotions. Her littermates were much less tolerable, he quickly decided. Myrtlepaw was quiet, and angry. Shimmerfall had hoped to befriend Whitepaw's only brother, but he seemed to be seething over nothing. (Maybe Whitepaw had put beetles in his nest.)
And Sandypaw… well, Sandypaw was just unpleasant. Maybe it was her mentor. Jaggedfang had always been tough on his apprentices and Sandypaw was no exception. Shimmerfall wasn't sure he'd ever seen the old tom smile. He never understood how Briarpaw, jovial as she was, could ever be his daughter. And then there was Tigerpaw…
Well, Skyfrost said Tigerpaw was just a whiny kittypet. Some cat Ravenshine had taken in to replace her poor, lost son.
("She's weak, Shimmerpaw. She-cats have always been more… soft-hearted. You can't really blame Ravenshine, but her weakness is bringing bad blood into the clan.")
Well, if the way Jaggedfang ignored Tigerpaw was anything to go by, he wasn't the best mentor. Even if it was her mentor's fault, Sandypaw still got under his skin.
Like now.
"Are you two courting?" she asked, basically out of the blue. Whitepaw looked started, upset even. The brown she-cat was watching them, eyes boring into the pair. They were narrowed, as if she was judging them. Shimmerfall knew she probably was.
"Sandypaw," Whitepaw hissed at her sister, "You can't just ask a cat that-"
Shimmerfall is just staring at her. Him, courting Whitepaw? He never asked her (his father had asked him) but…
"Also no," she responded, and Shimmerfall feels deep sadness inside him. It's dumb, because Whitepaw is his…
He didn't make assumptions. Shimmerfall was a logical cat, he didn't have silly hopes of great romance like other cats. Did he really think romance-?
Myrtlepaw seemed to have mistaken his breakdown as something much different. Anger was really the only thing he understood. He looked at Shimmerfall and rolls his eyes, "Hey, Shimmerfall, whenever I want Sandypaw to fuck off, I do it like this. Sandypaw, fuck off."
He looked pleased with himself. Like he was really relating to Shimmerfall tom to tom. Like cussing out she-cats was a regular activity he enjoyed.
"What a wonderful demonstration," Sandypaw deadpanned, "Myrtlepaw, can you just go… I don't know, be quiet somewhere else." She looked irked, upset at her brother. He'd ruffled her fur.
Maybe Myrtlepaw was good for something.
And that was how Shimmerfall found himself with a new set of friends. If Sandypaw's comments about everything could be ignored. But he could acknowledge she was funny, sometimes. And Myrtlepaw was a decent sparring partner if anything.
Whitepaw was always his sparring partner first though. (Whitepaw, his partner…)
"How's it feel to eat dirt?" she asked him, beating him again. Even though she was thinner than him, and he was a warrior. He felt like he should be more embarrassed. Skyfrost said he should be, and Whitepaw should stop trying to play tough and spend some time near the nursery.
Shimmerfall didn't think Whitepaw belonged in the nursery. She was brightest in battle, leaping and dodging, the sun glinting off her white coat and fangs. She was fast too, almost appearing and reappearing at his side to strike him. Leave him dazed.
(Maybe it wasn't just the many hits to the head he received in their fights.)
"You win," he conceded, voice muffled. Because he didn't have another choice. Whitepaw was better than him. Whitepaw was better than everyone. She relaxed, looked ready to gloat-
And that was when he flipped over and pinned her to the ground. She glared up at him, breathless. (He's knocked the air out of her chest.)
"You lied," she hissed, tail lashing underneath him. He smirked. It's not an expression familiar on his face. Shimmerfall is not normally the type to gloat, but this he feels he deserves.
"Never trust anyone in a battle," he whispered, leaning down so they were almost nose to nose, "You taught me that."
"I'm about to teach you another lesson," she seethed, "A much more painful one."
He was sore by the end of the session. She'd declared a rematch and won. He'll feel his body complain whenever he moves for the next few days. But it was worth it, to see her eyes light up.
It wasn't long before she was a warrior by his side. Whitemist felt like much too dainty a name for her. But then again, Shimmerfall was wondering where Echostar got half her names from. (Shimmerfall, his felt painfully ironic lately when he looked at Whitemist.)
Sandyskip and Myrtlesnow were there too. Next to Whitemist, just not as important. (Really though, Myrtlesnow? What about that tom was delicate and fluffy?)
Her gaze fell on him, right as she was beginning her vigil. He looked at her, wreathed in moonlight pouring through the entrance of the den.
"Goodnight," he breathed her way. And he wasn't sure, but he thought she had smiled at him when he walked away.
He wasn't sure what to do with the new feelings in his chest. Well, they weren't exactly new. This tightness that he'd carried since an apprentice, the way Whitemist's green eyes were stuck in his head. He was just realizing what they were. He couldn't talk to Clearstone about it. And Starclan, the idea of asking his father filled him with dread.
He didn't expect to find himself sitting with Tigerpaw of all things. The tom was almost a warrior himself, not too much younger than Shimmerfall. But he'd been eating prey alone, and Shimmerfall…
Well, he didn't really have many friends.
"I've heard you're rather popular with the ladies," he walked up behind him, "I'm not surprised." He could see Tigerpaw stiffen, like Shimmerfall had startled him. He turned to face the warrior, blue eyes wide.
"Shimmerfall!" he exclaimed, "You can't just sneak up on cats like that!" That made Shimmerfall laugh.
"Sure I can," he settled down next to him, "You're almost a warrior, now. Yeah? Just was wondering if you had decided which of the wonderful she-cats in the clan you were going to take as your own." He saw Tigerpaw grimace.
"I don't want any she-cat right now," he seethed, "I just want to be a good warrior. And… eat my prey."
"Yes," Shimmerfall sat down next to him, "Look, I know you have this tall, dark quiet tom thing going for you. It's why Fernpaw is padding after you despite the fact that half of the apprentices are currently padding after her."
"How do you know all this?" Tigerpaw deadpanned, "I never took you for the gossiping type."
"I'm not, but my nest is near Plumspring and Rosepelt's," Shimmerfall rolled his eyes, "You hear some things."
"But why are you bothering me-" the dark tom stared at him, before letting out a deep sigh.
"Look, I was just wondering if you knew… how it felt when you actually felt something for a cat," he whispered, "Since everyone's trying to go out with you, I thought maybe you'd… return at least one of their feelings."
"You want to know what it's like to have a crush?" Tigerpaw looked at him incredulously, "Wouldn't you already know how that feels?"
"Would you just answer the damn question, Tigerpaw!" Shimmerfall snapped, flushing, "I didn't come here to waste time."
"Well, I-" Tigerpaw suddenly looked uncomfortable, "It's just like… when you feel like things are right with a certain cat. Even if it's wrong, you just forget about that with them. It's easier to laugh, and you just… want it all to yourself. The thought of someone else… taking your light…"
Shimmerfall watched the tom's vulnerable expression and sighed, "Well, if that's how you feel, maybe you should tell Fernpaw how you feel already?"
"Tell Fernpaw-?" Tigerpaw looked surprised, "Uh, thanks Shimmerfall. But this isn't about me, it's about you and Whitemist."
"What? I never said-" the large, dark gray tabby tom sputtered. Tigerpaw just rolled his eyes.
"It's been obvious to the whole camp," he sighed, "You should honestly just tell her."
Shimmerfall nodded. The thought of asking her made him feel sick to his stomach though. Like he needed to see Maplepool. He wanted to tell Clearstone this, but he wasn't sure how.
He wasn't sure if he'd know how to tell him anything again.
The shadow of Skyfrost was always standing between them. Shimmerfall was his father's only kit as far as the older tom was concerned. Clearstone had rejected their family. But then, suddenly the shadow of their father was no longer there.
The rogues near their border were growing more aggressive and…
"I didn't expect casualties," Jaddedfang whispered to Shimmerfall, "I know he was your father, and I… I'm sorry. He was a good warrior. Fought hard to the end."
"Of course he did," Shimmerfall whispered. He felt oddly blank as he looked at his father's body. Skyfrost looked weaker in death, far from the cat that terrified Shimmerfall so.
They sat a vigil. He noticed Clearstone's absence and gritted his teeth. No matter what Skyfrost had done, he was still their father. And even on his death, Clearstone was too prideful to give up his nonsense and… and just come sit with him.
To be beside Shimmerfall. The last of his family. Shimmerfall lifted his head. He could see Clearstone watching him from the medicine den. The white speckled tom opened his mouth, and Shimmerfall thought he might say something. Then he closed and sucked inside. Ran away, more like.
Just like a coward.
Shimmerfall wanted those rogues dead. Gone. They were a threat to the clan, they had killed one too many cats. That was how he found himself taking patrols with Stormpaw. The tom was vicious, a good fighter too. His bloodlust matched Shimmerfall's thirst for vengeance. It was what Skyfrost would have wanted.
Even in his death, his father had him in a chokehold.
Tigerpaw started joining them sometimes. Looking for trouble. They would occasionally get some other warriors to join. They never did anything really, just talk about how those rogues were the problem. The cause of all their problems.
Shimmerfall knew his littermate wasn't talking to him, he didn't know how to talk to Whitemist about his feelings, his father was gone, and it was easier to think about about sinking his claws into some rogue flesh. The Haven would take the brunt of his anger.
Whitemist didn't like seeing this change. She had never been shy, never held back her feelings.
"You're being a mousebrain, hanging out with Stormpaw?" she hissed, "What's this nonsense you're listening to?"
"Look, maybe they have a point!" he hissed, "We let rogues and loners in and all we've had is death from them! Stormpaw isn't just speaking nonsense."
"Look, I don't love rogues, but snapping at cats? I heard you yelled at Lionsnarl yesterday."
"He's a kittypet," Shimmerfall hissed, "Weak blood."
"Weak- Shimmerfall, do you hear yourself?"
He did, not he was young and angry and he didn't care. Fire burned in his veins as he looked at Whitemist. "Why won't you support me?"
She didn't answer him, just huffed and left the den. It wasn't until that night, he noticed she'd moved her nest next to Lionsnarl's.
She started talking to him, looking at him, sparring with him. Marshfur would be there too, laughing like they were all good friends. Shimmerfall found himself alone.
Tigerfang earned his name. He seemed happy, overjoyed even after his vigil and then one day… everything seemed to stop. He wasn't talking to Grayheart anymore, even though Shimmerfall swore they were best friends.
In fact, he was spending most of his time with-
"Shimmerfall, I'm eating with you," he hissed. Shimmerfall looked up in surprise. He scooted over so Tigerfang could join him.
"You look upset," he noted, watching the younger warrior. Tigerfang lashed his tail. He let out a puff of air.
"It's Grayheart," he whispered, "He- He doesn't want to be friends anymore."
"What?" Shimmerfall looked confused, "You two haven't left each other's sides since you were kits."
"Yeah, well that was before I found out he was meeting up with some Haven bitch!" Tigerfang snapped, making Shimmerfall's eyes go wide.
"Grayheart was meeting with a she-cat from the Haven?" he whispered, "I can't believe that, did you tell Echostar? You at least chased her off, right?"
"I took care of it," Tigerfang narrowed his eyes, "Don't worry. I wasn't going to get Echostar involved though, Grayheart… he was my friend once. I don't want to get him in trouble. He learned his lesson."
"I hope so," Shimmerfall noted, "But, I won't get Echostar either. Because you asked."
"Really just cause I…" Tigerfang looked surprised, "Wow."
"Well, we're friends too," Shimmerfall flicked an ear, "So… yeah. I won't. I agree, if Grayheart doesn't do it again, well… I don't see an issue. We'll have to watch him though."
And so Shimmerfall did. But it did seem like Grayheart learned his own. In just a few moons, he was padding after Stripesong. It eased Shimmerfall's nerves, knowing that he was still a good warrior.
Since Whitemist had decided Lionsnarl and Marshfur were her new best friends, he'd found himself with Tigerfang and Stormstep most often, patrolling the border. They needed their clan to be loyal. He didn't know why Whitemist couldn't see that.
They all had different troubles with love. Fernshard was obviously interested in Tigerfang, which made Stormstep jealous. And Shimmerfall…
"Look," Stormstep told him one day, "She-cats really aren't that complicated. If Whitemist won't listen to you, just make her listen." He had this cold glint in his eye as he spoke, one that made Shimmerfall shiver.
(He didn't want to point out Stormstep was the only one of them who had never really gotten close to a she-cat. Besides, controlling Whitemist was like trying to control a storm.)
Shimmerfall decided to just follow his instincts. He asked Myrtlesnow to tell Whitemist to meet him by the river.
He waited, as the sun started to set. He knew she might not come. That he'd been a thick-headed idiot lately. If she thought Lionsnarl, his deep amber eyes and noble air would be a better mate, he couldn't fault her.
The bushes behind him ruffled and out she came, tall and slender. Beautiful as always. "Whitemist," he whispered, "You're here." He felt stupid making such an obvious observation.
"Yeah, well… you had Myrtlesnow tell me to come," she huffed, "I'm surprised that bumbling fool remembered the message. Why do you want to see me?"
"I-" he started, but he his pride stopped him. Has he really done anything wrong? "I upset you," he started, "And I'm sorry."
"You mean because you were being a mousebrain with his head up his ass?" Whitemist cocked her head, "Yeah, I'm not happy with you."
"Look, I'm just tired of the rogues ravaging the clan, I never thought they'd take… my father was a strong warrior."
"I know." Her voice softened, "But that's not an excuse to be a jerk to everyone, Shimmerfall. You were being that way towards me." He heard her voice break and thought he saw tears glimmering in her eyes. Was Whitemist crying? That was something he thought he'd never see.
She was crying over him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, each of her tears burning him.
"That's not- that's not the Shimmerfall I know," she continued, "I want the one who would have me kick his ass in a spar and still smile about it afterwards. I miss him. I miss… I miss the Shimmerfall I fell in love with."
Shimmerfall froze, his ears swiveled back. He swallowed and looked up, meeting Whitemist's gaze. "What… what did you say?"
"Are you really going to make me repeat myself?" she seethed through her tears, "I love you, Shimmerfall. You've had your nose out here by the border acting like your the only defense between Fallenclan and certain doom, so maybe you didn't notice."
"I-" he was stricken. "But you love Lionsnarl?"
"Lionsnarl is courting Marshfur," Whitemist snapped, "I've been friends with the two of them since I was an apprentice. I was just hanging out with them since you're an arrogant prick!"
"An arrogant prick you're in love with," Shimmerfall breathed, a wide grin forming on his face. Whitemist glowered at him.
"I hate you."
"That's not what you said."
Shimmerfall was all smiles after that. It was unnerving for the cats around him. Stormstep said it was obviously a girl, and made sure to add that he'd never be all soft and moony over a she-cat. Shimmerfall had made sure to point out that was probably why he didn't have a girl.
"S'it's not my fault Pinelight keeps padding after, you, Tigerfang," Stormstep hissed, "That girl has no taste."
"Well, if you're so against she-cats, have you tried toms?" Tigerfang asked him, but there was an edge to his tone. Something Shimmerfall hadn't noticed before. It made his skin prickles. "Your brother seems pretty into them."
"No," Stormstep's gaze turned dark, "Never." His annoyed expression was replaced by something akin to hatred, "Don't bring Falconhaze into this. It's not my fault he's broken."
"You should be grateful, Tigerfang," Shimmerfall started, trying to lighten the mood, "Falconhaze could have had Fernshard if he wanted."
Tigerfang fixed him with a heavy glare. Shimmerfall's joke seemed a lot less funny, when a few days later Fernshard offered to have Falconhaze's kits.
He could practically see Tigerfang seething on patrols. The warrior clawed at leaves and gritted his teeth. Shimmerfall couldn't say he didn't understand his anger. He wouldn't want Whitemist having another tom's kits. Having a first litter was something parents were meant to go through together.
"How did my brother? The weak, defective fuck he is," Stormstep drawled, "Get with Fernshard? Though you had her under control, Tigerfang."
"Control?" Shimmerfall sputtered, but Tigerfang just hissed at them. The dark brown tom stopped. He was the biggest out of their group now, having overtaken Shimmerfall shortly after earning his warrior name. His broad figure was imposing, and with a livid gleam in his eye, Shimmerfall feared what he would do for a moment.
(Which felt ridiculous. Tigerfang was his friend, he wouldn't hurt him.)
"Look, Falconhaze will get what's coming to him," Tigerfang hissed, "He flaunts his mate around and it's disgusting, but then he has the gall to try and steal mine." Fernshard and Tigerfang weren't actually mates yet, but Shimmerfall felt this was a bad time to point this out.
Some cats felt like the battles with the Haven didn't leave enough time for things like pairing ceremonies of their parents' days, but Shimmerfall knew he wanted one. Whitemist would look gorgeous covered in flowers.
"Damn right," Stormstep grinned, vicious fangs poking out, "I hope it's soon."
Shimmerfall didn't have anything against Falconhaze. The tom's choice in mate was… inappropriate, to say the least. But he'd always been good natured. Eagleeye just got on Shimmerfall's nerves though. He didn't have to agree with what he and Falconhaze were doing.
He didn't have time to focus on the drama in camp though, even if it involved his friend. Because Whitemist, was expecting kits.
("I'm going to kill you, Shimmerfall," see seethed as she met his gaze, green eyes full of fury, "Kits? Stop smiling- You're lucky you're cute when you smile."
"Mad because I'm going to becoming a marvelous warrior while you're in the nursery? Maybe you'll fall behind and I'll beat you in a spar."
Whitemist had only rolled her eyes, but her gaze was fond, "In your dreams.")
The moons leading up to the end of her pregnancy were nerve-wracking. Whitemist told him from how jumpy he was, maybe he was actually the one carrying the kits. Then… they were born.
"You have two kits," Clearstone told him. Shimmerfall stared at his brother, now an experienced medicine cat. He looked more assured, confidence in his movements and skill.
He looked like a stranger.
"I-" The dark gray warrior felt like he should say something. He and Clearstone had always talked about their future when they were kits, and now they were living it. He wanted to share that with his littermate. But he didn't know what to say.
Clearstone simply dipped his head and walked back to the medicine den, gaze unreadable. Shimmerfall felt a stab of regret, but that faded as soon as he saw them.
Whitemist smiled at him, two perfect bundles beside her stomach. She looked exhausted, but it was worth it. That's what her eyes told him. The she-cat was thin and small, which worried Shimmerfall. But Clearstone would tell him if something was wrong. (Right?)
"I was thinking Ivykit," Whitemist purred at him, bumping her head against his leg, "For the she-cat. And I like Snowkit, for the tom."
"Ivykit and Snowkit." Shimmerfall felt breathless, "Oh, they're beautiful… Whitemist…"
She looked at him, eyes full of joy. They didn't even have to say words. They were just two cats, finally starting their family. It was a perfect moment, one of the few Shimmerfall would have.
It was a shame perfection was so fragile.
Tigerfang got his wish, but even Stormstep felt ill when the two toms were laid in camp. He wouldn't wish that fate upon anyone. Yet, Falconhaze and Eagleeye were still. Dead, blood covering their pelts. They seemed almost uncognizable, with gashes maring their bodies.
(Falconhaze had been a happy tom. He had a daughter-)
Cloudkit had been set to the medicine den, shaking and whimpering. She couldn't speak. She didn't even seem to be able to see. He wondered if Clearstone could save her. Shimmerfall didn't know what could do such a thing, but a fox was said to be the culprit.
Stormstep wasn't as heartbroken as Shimmerfall would think. In fact, he looked smug. "Finally," he whispered to Shimmerfall, "I knew he would get what's coming to him."
"Excuse me?" Shimmerfall's eyes widened in shock, "Stormstep, that's your brother-"
"So?" the gray and white warrior muttered, completely callous, looking at Falconhaze's body like he was a particularly annoying bug.
"Show the dead more respect," Shimmerfall hissed. Falconhaze and Eagleeye were with their ancestors now, and they didn't deserve to have their names spoken with such vitriol. Stormstep didn't seem to understand this.
"I'm finally free from dealing with that waste of a warrior," Stormstep hissed, "I thought you would get it, with that freak sister of yours."
Shimmerfall lunged at him. He pinned Stormstep to the ground, his claws sinking into flesh. "Keep Clearstone's name out of your mouth!"
Stormstep kicked him off and bit at him. Shimmerfall howled as fangs tore into his shoulder. He felt someone tear Stormstep off him. Mistydawn stood there, blue eyes burning.
"Both of you," she hissed, "Are behaving like kits." The stern deputy looked furious and Shimmerfall shrank in on himself, suddenly feeling like a kit despite having his own.
"Stormstep," her gaze tore into the tom like claws, "You're confined to the apprentice den for the night. I don't care what you say." She looked like she wanted to add something else, and that's when Shimmerfall remembered Wildbrook was Mistydawn's mate.
"Shimmerfall," she whispered, gaze softening, "I understand your anger, but… please go see Clearstone." There was something in the way she said it that made him flinch. Please talk to your brother.
If only he knew how.
He ended up not taking up Mistydawn's orders because talking to Clearstone made his skin prickle more than that time Whitemist left a thorn in their nest when they were kits. (She really was a menace.)
Fernshard had Tigerfang's kits, which seemed to please the dark brown warrior. He'd been marching around all day. "They're going to be great warriors, aren't they?" Shimmerfall asked with a wry grin.
Tigerfang glared at him. He seemed on edge, especially since Falconhaze and Eagleeye's deaths. "Of course they will be," he snapped, before something settled over him, a wave of calm. He'd perfected Jaggedfang's stoney exterior. "I'm going to make sure of it myself. That's a father's job, after all."
Then the tom paused, "How are your kits? Almost apprentice age now, yes?"
"Yes," Shimmerfall nodded, pride coming off him in waves. "Ivykit, well she's…" He winced, "Spirited. And Snowkit is lovesick for Raincloud's daughter and every other she-cat in the den. They're going to be so much trouble for their mentors." He couldn't help the amused expression that crossed his face.
Tigerfang didn't respond for a few moments. "You know, it would take a stern mentor to teach Ivykit. And I haven't had an apprentice yet…" He flashed Shimmerfall an unsettling smile.
"I- would you really want her?" Shimmerfall asked. Tigerfang nodded with a gentle sigh.
"Shimmerfall, we're old friends. Your kits are special to me, I only want the best for them. Same as you."
(Shimmerfall wouldn't realize they had different definitions of what "the best" meant. Not until it was too late.)
"I appreciate it then," Shimmerfall whispered, smiling. Tigerfang seemed abrasive, downright angry the last few moons, but right now it seemed he had his friend back.
He dipped his head, meeting Tigerfang's gaze, "I would be honored to have you mentor my daughter."
The time came, Tigerfang did get Ivypaw. Shimmerfall thought he'd requested it from Ashstar herself. He couldn't help but smile, watching his friend touch noses with his daughter. Snowleap was given to Feathernose, who, while Shimmerfall didn't know him that well, was a compassionate tom. He'd do well by Snowpaw, he hoped.
(There was an interruption with Fernshard's death. Shimmerfall tried to comfort Tigerfang. He couldn't imagine losing Whitemist, especially when their kits were still young.
Tigerfang brushed him aside and threw himself whole-heartedly into training Ivypaw.
Shimmerfall could only sign, and wish his friend would deal with his grief in other ways. He knew grief made cats act differently, and he didn't want Ivypaw falling behind or getting hurt.)
Their training seemed to be going well. Snowpaw excelled at hunting, always coming in laughing with prey in his mouth on Feathernose's heel. Then he'd go visit Stonepaw, his kithood friend and Clearstone's apprentice. Shimmerfall knew his relationship with his brother had crumbled, but he wouldn't stop his kits from having one. Clearstone deserved to know his niece and nephew.
Ivypaw proved herself to be good at fighting, always beating the other apprentices. Or at least, that was what he heard. Shimmerfall, well… he was enjoying having Whitemist back by his side again.
"You know," he whispered to her one night in the den, "I wouldn't mind having more."
Whitemist opened one sharp green eye, "Are you going to give birth to them?"
"Well I-"
"Let me think about it, Shimmer. Okay? These ones just got out of the nursery."
The dark silver tabby nodded with a sigh and laid his head on her paws. Whitemist normally was clear when she wanted something, and she didn't seem to want this.
He'd live though, he was happy with his two kits. His life was exactly as he wanted, with the she-cat he'd always loved and their kits in the apprentice den.
He tried to share this bliss with Snowpaw. "Really son, a warm she-cat who loves you and a family, it's… wonderful." He saw Snowpaw wince. He was getting older, with him and Stonepaw thick as thieves now that the tom had switched to warrior training.
(Clearstone wasn't happy.)
"What's wrong, son?" he asked, blinking. Snowpaw squirmed under his gaze.
"Well, Slateflight and Swiftpaw have crushes on me!" the apprentice bemoaned and Shimmerfall had to hold back a snort.
"Is that really so bad? Feathernose did tell me you're a bit of a heartbreaker."
"Daaaad," Snowpaw groaned and flattened his ears, turning red, "I just… have a crush on someone else."
"Oh-" Shimmerfall sighed. He wasn't really sure how to help, Whitemist had always been by his side. "Well, why don't you just go with her then? Who is this she-cat anyway? I don't see the issue, unless she's a rogue or something like that."
"H- She's already in a relationship," his son whispered, shoulders sagging and that's when Shimmerfall figured it out.
It was so obvious. Snowpaw had never grown out of his kithood crush on Sweetpaw. And now Sweetpaw looked like she was going to become mates with Brightberry. He felt a flash of pity, no wonder his son was heartbroken.
He places his tail on Snowpaw's flank.
"Hey, no matter who she is, you deserve someone who loves you back son, and if Sweetpaw can't see that… well, Slateflight or Swiftpaw are both wonderful she-cats. Do you like either of them?"
Snowpaw flushed a little harder, "Well… maybe a little."
Shimmerfall wished rearing all his kits could help easy as giving romantic advice to Snowpaw, but it wasn't. Ivyfrost, now a warrior with Snowleap, was glaring at him and Whitemist.
"I don't care that Hawkpaw thinks I'm pretty," she hissed, "I don't want anything to do with him."
"I'm just saying he's a strong warrior!" Shimmerfall told her, "I think he'd take good care of you." It wasn't wrong of him to want his kits to have good mates, and selfishly, he liked the idea of being grandfathers with Tigerfang. It was nice.
"Darling, we're not saying you have to become mates with Hawkpaw…" Whitemist narrowed her eyes. Ivyfrost snapped.
"Yes you are! That's exactly what this conversation is! First it was 'show Hawkpaw around the apprentice den' and now this! Hawkpaw can take his crush, and shove it up his ass!"
"Ivyfrost!" Whitemist hissed. Their daughter's green gaze was frozen over. Shimmerfall recognized that look, it was the same one he got when he needed to talk to Clearstone. The look of a broken bond.
He reached out his paw, but Ivyfrost just hissed at him and ran to the medicine den. To his brother.
Shimmerfall could only sit there shaking, wondering when he'd lost her. After Snowleap drifted away and stopped talking to him, sneaking out of camp more and more, he'd had enough.
"Snowleap, what is it?" he asked, because this was his son. Ivyfrost had always been closer to his brother than him or Whitemist, but Snowleap…
Snowleap was supposed to be his.
"You've been leaving camp, you haven't spoken to me or your mother in moons, I… I'm just worried about you," he whispered. He watched Snowleap open his mouth, stop and stare at him.
This was supposed to be a simple hunting patrol.
Snowleap let out a shaky breath, fear in his eyes. Why would Snowleap be scared of him? He loved him. Shimmerfall would always love him. "Dad, I-I-" He swallowed, meeting Shimmerfall's gaze. His words were lodged in his throat.
Sobs starting wracking his frame as tears began to fall from his eyes. Shimmerfall wrapped his paws around him instantly, brushing his fur with his paw.
He never learned what broke Snowleap like that. He wasn't sure. Snowleap wasn't going to tell him.
But after that his son stopped hiding. (Or so he thought.)
He really just wanted to be there for his kits. Truly. But Ivyfrost wouldn't even look at the newly named Hawkstreak and whenever he brought it up, Clearstone looked disgusted. Snowleap was better, but he was still jumpy. Flighty.
"What did we do, Whitemist?" he asked his mate while lying in their nest.
Whitemist looked at him. Her green gaze was heavy. (The same green gaze Ivyfrost flashed in his direction with such hatred.)
She couldn't answer, but he could see the tears in the corner of her eyes.
He wanted to ask Tigerfang for advice. Stormstep was busy with Lilyleap these days, and their relationship never fully recovered from the fight after Falconhaze's death.
The brown tom turned up dead.
Shimmerfall wondered what had happened. Rogues, a fox like the one that had gotten Fernshard all those moons back? He felt a lump in throat.
Stormstep sat down by his side. The dark gray and white tom didn't speak really, but just leaned against him a bit.
It wasn't quite forgiveness, but it was something. Shimmerfall accepted it.
Ashstar was horrified. There were whispers in camp until Ivyfrost stepped forward.
"I killed him," she said, unphased.
Cats erupted into yowls. Clearstone hung his head, almost guilty. Did he- had he known? Shimmerfall's thoughts were spinning. How could- that was his daughter. She had an attitude, sure. But a killer?
Whitemist was shaking beside him. Not from fear, but anger, he realized. She took a step towards Ivyfrost. His sweet kit.
(He didn't know her, not really. He was quickly realizing that.)
"How?" she asked, "How could you hurt a clanmate? Kill one?" Her claws sank into the wood.
Shimmerfall couldn't move still. He was in shock as his mate faced down their daughter.
"He hurt me," she hissed. Out of the corner of his eye, Shimmerfall saw Pebblepaw flinch.
"He trained me with unsheathed claws, he attacked me," she hissed, "I was tired of seeing him walk free." She gestured to a lacing of scars with righteous vigor.
He'd told her he'd fallen in a thornbush. "No!" Shimmerfall shouted, before he could stop himself, "Tigerfang wouldn't, he was… he was a respectable warrior." He was my friend.
"Oh really, Father?" Ivyfrost spat at him, each word acidic, "Who sold me to him? Who willingly let him mentor me?"
Shimmerfall felt sick, "No-"
"You're blind," Ivyfrost laughed, "You didn't notice. It wasn't just me. Has anyone looked at his kits? He was a monster."
She looked at Shimmerfall, met his gaze with a cold glare, "And monsters deserve to die."
He held Whitemist that night.
"We let our daughter get hurt," her voice was shaken, "We-"
"I know…" Shimmerfall murmured. Hawkstreak had come forward after Ivyfrost. Told them all about his father's lies. How Tigerfang would use his claws-
How…
How Shimmerfall had sat next to him. Smiled, shared prey. How he'd been fooled by a few placating words. The rest of the clan had been fooled too, but it was different.
It wasn't their daughter who wouldn't speak to them anymore.
Ivyfrost got with Goldheart not long after. Shimmerfall couldn't help it. He snapped, he was tired of not being told things. Tired of being the last to know.
"You could have told me," he hissed. Whitemist was talking too, he wasn't listening.
Ivyfrost snarled, "You wouldn't have listened."
"I know Goldheart has two brothers," he responded, "Ivyfrost, that clan has had enough tension. Do they really need more things to talk about?"
Ivyfrost smacked him across the face. He was bleeding, her claws were out.
(Because that's how her apprenticeship had gone. Because she'd grown up fighting for her life.)
"You don't understand love," she hissed.
He wanted to tell her he loved her. But he could only watch her walk back over to Goldheart, watch her go. Just like he'd done with Clearstone so many times.
"Come on," Whitemist told him, "Let's get that treated."
He wanted to apologize. To say he had meant it. He didn't want to lose another family member. He wanted to tell Snowleap that Stagkit's green eyes were a little too telling and not to make the same mistakes he did.
But rats. Of course there were rats.
He wanted to laugh, almost. Rats were prey, something to be eaten. But they were pouring around the Stone Pools. Around their most sacred place. Wave upon waves of brown fur and cutting teeth.
He was swarmed before he knew what to do. Ashstar had sent them too battle, to try and reclaim where they spoke to Starclan.
He could see his clan leader. His side was pressed against Whitemist.
She nodded at him, and they fought together. Like two cats who knew each other inside and out. Sparring partners and so much more.
They were winning for a moment, turning the dark, warm tide back.
But then a rat clambered onto Shimmerfall's side, and then another and another-
Whitemist started pulling them off with her fangs. He could feel himself bleeding, wounds that would probably get infected stinging his pelt. Whitemist pulled the last rat off and… it twisted out of her mouth. It launched itself towards her neck, teeth sinking in.
Shimmerfall screamed.
He ran to her side, pressing his paws on her throat. "Whitemist? Whitemist!" he exclaimed, waiting a response. He could still help her.
Clearstone.
He needed to speak to Clearstone, he needed to apologize…
He had so much to say.
Rats piled on him, one got on his face. He yelled out and collapsed. They bit, bit, bit-
His gaze was unfocused. He watched Whitemist. He was able to stretch out a paw and rest it on hers.
He didn't know if she could still feel him.
He needed to-
He needed-