Chapter Text
"Are you alright, Sakkun? You barely sleep at all. Are your professors giving you a hard time?"
Kiyoomi wondered what made Koutarou say that. What gave it away? His eye bags? His pale face? The scattered paper all over him?
"No? Yeah? I don't know. I'm just having a tough time catching up with the lessons, Bo. I think I'll go to the library and see if I can actually learn anything there. I’ll see you later or tomorrow."
Kiyoomi didn't wait for Koutarou to respond. He just left his friend there, in their shared dorm, sprawled on the floor with his own studying to finish. But with the way Koutarou was slowly cleaning up his mess, Kiyoomi figured he was going to have a good night’s rest instead of Kiyoomi’s very own third night without one.
Honestly, if Kiyoomi stayed longer, he might either break down or scream at his friend for how frustrated he was with himself. He was hanging by a thread. He barely passed his exams, he's losing sleep trying to study and finish homework, and in turn, all of it makes him too tired to play even just decently in volleyball. So much for his ‘potential’ that their coaches saw in him when he was just a freshman.
Sometimes, Kiyoomi couldn’t help but have that dark cloud in his mind and green in his eyes when he sees Koutarou excel in his major and in their own volleyball team.
Sports Science, Koutarou's choice of study, was a major Kiyoomi considered too when he graduated highschool. The optimal choice really, since he did plan on becoming a pro player after college and a degree in sports science would be really helpful but his parents looked at him like he grew another head when he told them his choice. They insisted on something and Kiyoomi quotes "a major that will actually be useful in case the sports thing won't pan out" that he ended up choosing engineering.
Engineering plus volleyball. Kiyoomi thought it would be difficult but back then he thought could do it all. That he could study derivatives, volumes of solid revolution and still spike volleyballs right down the baselines with ease. How hard could that be? He did it in highschool, he can do it again.
But now with finals coming up, both in his subjects and this year's collegiate championships, he's only spiraling down and he doesn't know what to do.
Or how to even survive the week.
"Kiyoomi-kun, goodluck with your exams!! After we win the game tomorrow, I will cheer for your exam so you can get the highest grade!!"
Koutarou was a good friend. A great one, even. He respected Kiyoomi's space and quirks without question and accommodated him. Back in highschool, all Koutarou ever was is a person that was either too cheery or too sad from what Kiyoomi saw and he expected him to be the same when Koutarou appeared in his doorstep. But now in university, something must have changed because the Koutarou that Kiyoomi remembered was suddenly different.
In turn, they became closer in a short amount of time and even helped each other out in similar subjects or supported each other in their training and matches.
Much like today, two days before Kiyoomi's final exams and a day before their finals match. Koutarou looked tired too, from his own subjects and his own rigorous training but the glint in his eyes every night was a clear indication that yes he was tired, but Koutarou was happy and he was still acing everything in his life.
Kiyoomi, on the other hand, was just exhausted.
"You don't have to cheer for me, Bokkun. I'll be fine."
"Oh come on! I'll cheer for you just a little bit. I see how much you studied! We'll get some food after the game and after your exams too, okay?!" Koutarou always tried to cheer Kiyoomi up. Especially at times like this when his schedule piled on top of each other. Kiyoomi was eternally grateful.
"Alright, Bokkun. Looking forward to it. Are you going to Keiji's?"
Kiyoomi felt the envy at the back of his throat again. Just a smidge yet it took him a couple of breaths to swallow it away. Koutarou was passing his subjects, winning games, and had Keiji to support him through it all.
Kiyoomi only had himself.
"Oh, yeah," Koutarou laughed shyly, "I haven't seen him in a while so I thought I'll pay him a visit and study with him. What will you do?"
"Don't worry about me, Bokkun. I'll just stay up all night to study.. again."
"Hmm alright. Make sure to get some rest, okay! Rest is important! There's also ramen in the fridge in case you get hungry. You can just heat it up. Bye Kiyoomi-kun!"
"Bye, Bo. See you tomorrow."
Kiyoomi started to study his subjects that night, taking breaks once in a while to watch a volleyball game, and then go back to his solving but his head was still scattered all over the place. He had no idea where to concentrate.
The next day, they won the championship and Koutarou treated him to a nice meal, all smiles and laughter around.
The day after that, Kiyoomi flunked three of his subjects.
Kiyoomi doesn’t grovel, but even when he asked for leniency, his professors disagreed and said there was no other way to save his grades. He had to take them again next semester. Koutarou’s promised meal was canceled along with Kiyoomi’s plans for the future.
He spent a few days holed up in his room after that, feeling nothing. The exhaustion of playing and studying caught up to him and the worst part of it was, he felt like such a failure.
Engineering and Volleyball. Kiyoomi thought he could do it all. Turns out, he could only do one and the other, his parents almost disowned him for failing. Like it was the end of the world for him. That he wasn't going to amount to anything for flunking.
But Kiyoomi wasn't one to give up. He had to see this through and failing doesn’t mean the end, he knows that. And he was lucky that Koutarou was there for him. Not gloating that he was graduating but helped come up with a plan for the next year that Kiyoomi was staying in university.
The plan that included Kiyoomi still playing volleyball and enrolling in the same subjects he failed in, swearing to himself that he'll get it right this time. That he'll prioritize rest and time off from time to time so he can have a clear mind.
The biggest difference this time is that Kiyoomi will be alone in his dorms now because Koutarou already got a few offers to go pro.
Kiyoomi was happy for Koutarou. How couldn't he? He witnessed sleepless nights where Koutarou studied so hard to understand lessons after lessons, he was there to support Koutarou in his 'normal' ace persona inside the court, and Koutarou was as devastated as Kiyoomi was when he found out they weren't graduating together.
"Hey, Kiyoomi-kun, I'll still visit you when I have time! You better not change the door locks because I'm keeping the spare key."
Koutarou hasn't left yet but Kiyoomi was already looking forward to his friend visiting.
"I won't, Bokkun. Don't worry."
"And I'll put it in a good word for my future team about you! And also I'll try to help you with your subjects too when I visit, even though I probably won't be of much help since your math subjects are much more complicated than mine, but I will try!"
"Alright, alright. Go away now, the movers are here. Congrats again, Koutarou." Kiyoomi waved his goodbye and had a sad smile on his face.
"Thanks Kiyoomi-kun! I'll see you soon! I promise!"
When Koutarou left, Kiyoomi was left all alone in his room.
He had to push the thoughts he had to the back of his mind the moment the door closed. Thoughts of if he did his best, he could have been going to the MSBY dorms with Koutarou. Or the Adlers. Or the Raijin's. If he was smart enough, he would've passed with flying colors too, and be the captain of his team that led them to championships. Maybe win as the MVP too.
If he just gave a little more than he did.
That's when he went to his room and opened his textbook. He knew it was no use wondering about what happened. Kiyoomi could only learn from it. Kiyoomi will give his best this year.
But he hoped Koutarou, his closest friend here, would visit soon too.