Work Text:
Please wait. Accessing personal accounts. Playback:
1. The Magician
I didn’t kill the old man. That wouldn’t be smart. Whoever killed him would have hell to pay. You don’t kill a Barrel boss and think that’ll be the end of it. Yes, I would have benefited from his death. Yes, I knew the exact times he built model ships in the airlock. No, I didn’t open the airlock to kick him out. That’s a preposterous idea. No, I don’t intend on sending Inej to look for him. It’s none of my business. Deep space has always been the best crematorium. Maybe his body will fly into a sun and then we won’t have to worry about evidence. No, why wouldn’t this be my kruge?
2. The High Priestess
I heard he died and assumed Kaz finally got tired of him. Even the people paying him are his investments, in his way. Did he say he didn’t? I would take him at his word, and this is the only time you’ll ever hear me say it. The old man didn’t do anything warranting a death sentence, at least when it comes to Kaz. He said a few things about Wylan, though. Something about how much we could trust him to combine chemicals when he can’t even combine letters. And we all know how Jesper tends to react to people talking like that. No, I was with Nina when it happened. I pray the Saints receive him and he is given what he is earned in the next life.
3. The Wheel of Fortune
Did Inej say that? Saints. Alright, yes, I concede I tend to get a bit carried away when people insult Wylan. But can you blame me? I mean, he’s too good to do it himself. But I wouldn’t just kill the old man. He was practically my grandfather. [What the hell, Jes?] Well, you know, because he was basically Kaz’s dad? [Excuse me?] I thought we all knew this. [We definitely did not. Oh, come on, Kaz, stop looking at him like that. It’s not his fault he jumps to conclusions faster than you can say coins.] Hey! I’ll have your head for that! [Oh yeah? Prove it, won’t you? It’s been too long since my last beheading.]
4. The Fool
Come on, you don’t actually think I killed him, do you? Sure, I had a good reason, but also, hasn’t he gone out of the airlock before? He’s not ever around. How do you know the person who killed him didn’t expect him to come back? Maybe they were taking a look at the airlock controls and forgot he was in there. We have very forgetful people on this ship. Yes, my memory is the best out of the crew. Why do you ask?
5. The Empress
I haven’t seen the old man in ages. Honestly, I thought he was dead already. Yeah, I always figured the kruge Kaz paid us with was, like, his own. Or stolen. You can never tell with Brekker. I mean, it would have been fairly easy to kill him. I’ve thought about how to kill most of the people on this crew plenty of times. After the first few times I stop the blood flow to your hearts, it gets boring. I have a plan for Matthias that involves melted toffee and five different versions of me. Oh, right. No, I wasn’t anywhere near the airlock when Per Haskell fell out of it. I was with Matthias. No, I can’t tell you what I was doing. He promised me waffles if I didn’t say anything this time.
6. The Hermit
I do not know this ‘Per Haskell’ you speak of. I recognise the name from Brekker’s conversations, but I have never had the displeasure of running into him. From the way Nina describes him, he is an unpleasant man. I heard he offended Wylan a few days ago, but I assumed Jesper retaliated as he always does. Yes, I am quite used to waking up to finding my fingers missing. One tends to remember things like that, especially when the assailant always leaves his hats in my room. Thank you for taking the time to interview me. Please go away now. I have promised Nina waffles.
Cease playback.