Chapter Text
The soft warmth of the sun's ray that fell on his face woke him up from his sleep. His eyes roamed around - he fell asleep on the couch again while having Zhang Hao on his mind. He got off from the couch, headed towards the window to draw the curtains close before he walked towards the kitchen.
There were lots of memories of him and Zhang Hao at this house and he hated the fact that he couldn't forget any of them, yet. The memories of him and Zhang Hao cuddling on the couch while watching movie during weekend, the memories of Zhang Hao making him breakfast in the kitchen, and sometimes he messed up with him just for fun but somehow ended up with a making out session in the kitchen, the comfortable silence between them and the feeling of waking up in Zhang Hao's embrace and getting a morning kiss from him. It had been months since the breakup, but those beautiful memories were still so vivid to him.
Hanbin opened the fridge, taking out a carton of milk and poured it into a glass in his hand, before he settled himself down on the counter stool. He stared at nothing but the tiny air. He missed him. He missed him so much that it hurt, that he could die from it. He couldn't stop thinking about Zhang Hao that he had to busy himself for the whole day. People said first love was hard to forget, but he was sure Zhang Hao was more than first love to him. He was his life.
The day when he first met Zhang Hao was still fresh in his head. It was the midterm exam weeks so everyone was quite busy. He went to the library wanting to study, and that was the first time he saw him. Zhang Hao sat at the table across him and he just couldn't stop staring at how beautiful he was. He tried to focus on his book, yet he always found himself admiring the guy sitting across his table. Good thing Zhang Hao didn't realize he was staring for the whole time.
He then made it into his routine to go study in the library. Zhang Hao was always at the table near the window, the same spot where he first saw him. At times, when Zhang Hao wasn't there, his eyes would start searching around in case he changed his seat, but most of time, Zhang Hao was just late.
It was that one fateful day when he received a note from the boy he admired from a far, thanks to his loud friends; Taerae and Gyuvin who made a fuss in the library. The two of them came to him asking why he ditched them and always was in the library even though the exams period was over. Not to mention, Hanbin was never a fan of studying - in fact, he hated studying the most. He didn't answer them, but they understood it somehow when he was just being obvious, not taking his eyes off from the guy who was sitting across his table.
"Go talk to him already," Gyuvin exclaimed, quite loud for the place as quiet as the library.
Hanbin was about to shut them up when he saw the boy got up from his chair and walked toward them. His eyes followed his every step until he stopped at their table and handed them a folded post-it. He took the note and put it into his bag, knowing exactly what was on the note. He shoved his books into the bag and left the library with his two nosy friends, while blabbering something about how those two ruined everything and embarrassed him today.
After what happened in the library, he decided to not go to the library again, at least not for the time being. It was nothing to be embarrassed about and he knew he was exaggerating, but he didn't want to meet the boy after being told they were such a disturbance in the library.
Or so he thought.
He was doing his homework when he realized he still had the note from that evening. As much as he hated to read what was in it, he was just curious to see how nice the boy's handwriting was, probably just as beautiful as his face.
He unfolded the sticky note and the moment he read it, he had to admit that those two friends of him were really loud in the library earlier. The note was random, but it made his face turning as red as tomato - a smile hadn't disappeared from his face. That night, he slept with a smile on his face.
Thank you for always staring at me. I guess that explains why you're here, though you hate library.
Hanbin went to the library like the routine it was on the next day, totally ignoring his original plan of not going to the library for a while. Zhang Hao was already at his favourite spot when he entered the library and he was hesitating, either he wanted to sit in front of him or went to his usual table. He decided to head straight to his usual table across Zhang Hao's.
Not even a minute after he settled himself on the seat, a chair across his was pulled out from its place and Zhang Hao was sitting in front of him. To say Hanbin was surprised was an understatement - he was literally frozen in his seat the moment he lifted up his face. Zhang Hao did send him the note, but he never expected him to do something bold like this.
It was quiet, the atmosphere between them, yet it wasn't awkward at all. Zhang Hao was doing his assignment and Hanbin was just, sitting there, sometimes staring at the perfection in front of him like he always did. There was no sign of the pretty boy being uncomfortable with the stare, nor the sign of him would stop appreciating the perfection any time sooner.
"Your name is Sung Hanbin, right?" the boy spoke, eyes still on his book. The question caught him off guard but, before he could ask any question, Zhang Hao continued as if he knew what was on the younger boy's mind, "your friends were loud," he said.
Hanbin let out a long 'ah' as he nodded to the boy's explanation, somehow feeling relieved as he wasn't the only one who acted like a creep.
The questions and answers session went on, with Zhang Hao asking while his eyes fixed on his book, barely shifting them to the cute boy across him, and Hanbin answering while having his eyes on him, hand supporting his head. By the end of their meeting, he learned few things about the beautiful boy. His name was Zhang Hao, he was a geoscience major and was in third year of his study – a year older than him.
Hanbin always thought of Zhang Hao as a loner, nerdy and everything along the lines, judging at how he was alone every time he saw him in the library, but he was wrong. The longer he knew Zhang Hao, the more he understood him. He wasn't a nerd, but studious probably was the right word to describe him. He wasn't a loner either - Hanbin was introduced to Zhang Hao's friend after two months of befriended Zhang Hao. Both of Zhang Hao's friends; Jeonghyeon and Ricky were the same as Taerae and Gyuvin; crazy and loud. The only difference was Jeonghyeon and Ricky were a thing, while Taerae and Gyuvin, they were just friends. And Zhang Hao and him, he figured out that there was no exact term to describe their relationship.
"Do you like it here?" Hanbin asked when they were in the library.
Zhang Hao answered with a nod, earning an 'oh' from him. Zhang Hao put his pen down as he started looking at him with a smile. “It’s because of you,” he uttered, enough to give Hanbin’s butterfly in his stomach.
He asked why and Zhang Hao replied that the first time he went to library, it was because of Ricky and Jeonghyeon ditched him, but what made him kept coming to the library was because of a cute guy sitting a table across his. Sometimes the cute guy was writing something on his book, at times, he played with his phone, but most of the time, he stared at him. He had always wanted to talk to the boy but didn't know how. It was without he realized it, he grew to like the library, just as much as he liked the boy with a pretty smile.
The smile on Hanbin's face was getting bigger. He felt the urge to kiss the perfection in front him, yet realizing they were in library he decided not to do that. But then, he felt soft, warm lips on his. He didn't realize when did Zhang Hao leaned forward towards him and sealed his lips with his, but his eyes closed anyway as he started to kiss Zhang Hao back. Right, who cared about people watching now?
Zhang Hao graduated a year later. He got a job offer outside of the city and had been contemplating whether to go or not. Hanbin reassured him, saying distance was not a problem, as long as they had trust. Plus, he could always come back on weekend and Hanbin's apartment was always open to him. Like that, Zhang Hao took the offer.
Hanbin hated weekdays the most, though he always had Taerae and Gyuvin with him, and he was always looking forward to the weekend. Zhang Hao usually arrived at his apartments at ten something on Friday, after driving for four hours, coming back straight after his office hour ended. He knew he was being selfish, wanting Zhang Hao to head straight home when he knew it must be tiring for the latter, but he just couldn't go another day without him.
Hanbin liked Saturday morning the most among all of the days. He liked the feeling of waking up next to Zhang Hao, and he liked how he always woke up earlier than Zhang Hao. Probably because Zhang Hao was tired from driving so he always slept in, and Hanbin always took this chance to admire his beautiful and perfect face, sometimes, attacking the older boy with his good morning kisses, just to earn a smile from him.
On Sunday, Hanbin always woke up to an empty bed and the noise from the kitchen. He wanted to cuddle, but Zhang Hao insisted on making them breakfast. He went to the kitchen after washing up, giving his boyfriend a back hug, and buried his face into the crook of the boyfriend's neck. It was always started with innocent kisses from Hanbin, but he didn't know how to stop and that was how Zhang Hao burnt the breakfast and they ended up eating cereal instead.
Everything was going fine for the first seven months, but things started to change bit by bit. People said long distance relationship was never going to work, and he wanted to prove them they were wrong about it, but he himself didn't know where did it go wrong. Everything already changed the moment he realized it. Zhang Hao barely went home, but Hanbin figured, maybe he had lots of work. Later, Hanbin realized it wasn't the case.
The ringing phone snapped him out from his thought. It was a call from Gyuvin, reminding him there would be a party at his place tonight, if he wanted to join. All of them knew Hanbin wasn't a big fan of party, but he did spend his time partying during his early break up with Zhang Hao, trying to distract himself from thinking about his now ex-boyfriend. He stopped going to parties when it didn't work.
The day went on fast as he was just sitting on the couch while watching some movies that he hadn't watched with Zhang Hao. It was evening and Hanbin decided to spend his time at Jeonghyeon's bar. Though it was over between him and Zhang Hao, he was glad Jeonghyeon and Ricky was still there with him. Jeonghyeon served him a drink, asking him how his day was. Ricky was there too, trying to cheer him up. No one had mentioned anything about Zhang Hao when he was around - it was like an unspoken rule between them.
Hanbin left the bar before eleven in case he would bump into Zhang Hao. His ex-boyfriend spent his time there when he came back to the city and meeting him would be last thing he wanted to happen even though he missed him. He slumped himself on the couch with loads of thought on his mind. He blamed Zhang Hao for whatever happened to him so that he could hate Zhang Hao – he was the one who gave him the note, he was the one who approached him first, he was the one who talked to him first, he was the one who kissed him first – but he knew he couldn't bring himself to hate him. And so, tonight too, he slept with the same wishes as last night – wishing that all they need was a break, not break up, wishing that Zhang Hao would come back to him, wishing that when he opened his eyes the next morning, Zhang Hao was next to him.