Chapter Text

One

At 23, you don’t expect to lose the love of your life. At 23, you expect to have a long life ahead of you, with plenty of time to do whatever. At 23, you don’t expect to be sobbing at the funeral of the one person who could get you through anything. At 23, you expect to be laughing with your lover while you’re cooking dinner. At 23, you don’t expect to hurt with the loss of the person most important to you. At 23, you expect to thrive with the joy of having the person most important to you by your side.

At 23, you don’t expect to lose the love of your life.

Bakugou Katsuki sure as hell didn’t expect it in the slightest and, honestly, he thinks it’s all bullshit. He doesn’t think it’s fair. How can someone so young just fucking die like that? It doesn’t make an ounce of sense and Katsuki can’t fucking handle the fact.

He expected to be able to live thousands more days with Izuku. He expected to wake up to Izuku’s freckles every morning and count them just to make sure he hadn’t gained any overnight. Fuck, he expected Izuku to be here. And the fact that he’s not, hurts more than anything Katsuki has ever experienced in his life.

Izuku is the greatest thing to have ever happened to Katsuki, he made his life complete, he made his life feel less fucking empty. Now, Katsuki feels even more empty than he did prior to Izuku weaseling his way in. Katsuki will give anything to go back to that emptiness, to get the chance to watch as Izuku flirted badly and, god Katsuki will do anything to hear Izuku rambling, as much as Katsuki said he hated it, he’ll listen to it a million times over if it just means he gets to hear Izuku’s voice again.

“Dynamight?” A voice brings him back to reality, shaking his thoughts of Izuku from him, “Did you hear me?”

Katsuki thinks so but he doesn’t remember what the lady even said, so he gulps, pushing Izuku as far back in his mind as he humanely can (spoiler alert: it’s not very far), “Nah.”

“I asked if you have any special someone at home?” The lady grins, “It’s everything the fans want to know; Does Dynamight have a boyfriend?”

Katsuki came out a while ago, so he’s glad the interviewer is at least keeping up with that but not the fact that Katsuki has stated multiple times that he doesn’t wish to speak on matters regarding a relationship of any sort.

Izuku wanted it that way and Katsuki was more than happy to oblige. They started dating at 14 for crying out loud, people thought they were idiotic for doing so, that they were too young to really know what love is.

But they knew.

Katsuki knows. God, does he know.

Katsuki must have started tearing up or something because suddenly his interviewer is asking, “Are you alright? Do you need some tissues?”

Katsuki realizes that, yeah, he was starting to cry. He blinks the tears in his eyes as far back as quickly as he can and sniffs, “No, I’m fine.”

“You sure? You looked-”

“I said,” Katsuki interrupted her, “I am fine. Can we just fuckin’ move on.”

“Break up?” The lady just continues to press on, she’s sitting cross-legged, her hands folded on her knee as she leans back in her chair. She’s so casual for someone bringing up something Katsuki has said he doesn’t want to speak on. He’s mentioned various times that he doesn’t want to speak on relationships, he has no interest in talking about them. Yet, still, every now and again, there are people constantly asking him about it.

It used to just be annoying, something he could easily brush off. Now, it hurts. Now, he doesn’t know what the fuck to even do.

“No,” Katsuki responds gruffly, “There wasn't a fuckin' breakup.”

“Then what?”

“You really wanna know?” Katsuki scoffs angrily, scowling, his eyes narrowing to glare at the interviewer. He bites at the inside of his cheek and is ready to book it out of this horrid place.

“Yes, Dynamight,” The interviewer nods, staring back at him, “are you in a relationship right now? What’s going on in the love life of our number 7 pro hero?”

“He died,” Katsuki’s smirk drops from his face, he barely gets the words out, just barely, having to pause between the two. He’s not even looking at the interviewer anymore, just staring down at the floor next to her. He’s pretty sure that his mouth is bleeding because of how hard he’s biting it in an attempt to keep him from crying. If the public really wants to know so bad, then there they fucking have it.

He sniffs deeply before looking back up to the interviewer, a feeling of loss falls over him like a wave as he manages to get out, “He died 2 months ago.”

She seems to take a moment to acknowledge that before just, almost insensitively, asking, “Was that your reason for your first-ever leave of absence?” He took a month off after Izuku died. It was the first time in his career that he ever took more than a single day off, and even at that, he’s barely ever even taken a single day off.

Katsuki just gives a quick nod, not wanting to answer verbally because he’s not sure that he could say anything without his voice cracking.

The lady paused for a moment, taking in that answer, before she just begins diving into more questions, “What was his name? How long did you two date for?”

“Would’ve been 10 years a week after my birthday,” Katsuki answers numbly, trying to keep himself from the situation because otherwise he’s gonna be crying to all extremes.

Honestly, he doesn’t even feel like he’s there, in that room anymore. He feels like he’s somewhere else, just watching himself answer these stupid questions. But, unfortunately, he is here.

Katsuki thought back to when they first started dating. Izuku ran up to Katsuki on the day of Katsuki’s birthday, with that stupid fucking smile that makes Katuski want to throw up (in awe) and said, “Kacchan! I wanted to ask you something.”

“What the fuck is it, nerd?”

Izuku took a deep breath and seemed to brace himself for the question he was about to ask, “Do you, uh, wanna go on a date with me?” He asked, Katuski remembers noticing how he tugged at his fingers and swayed from foot to foot. He was nervous. “My mom can drive us to-”

Katsuki jumped at the opportunity of going on a date with Izuku, not even letting the boy finish, “I don’t fucking care where we go, I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“Really?” Izuku’s eyes brightened and a huge smile took the place of all his nerves.

A week later and they decided to call each other “boyfriend”.

The voice of the interviewer brings Katsuki out of the memory, “Wow, 10 years? So the two of you began dating at 14?”

“Mhm,” Katsuki murmurs, hoping that this lady moves past this soon.

Alas, she persists, “Was he also a pro hero? Did he go to UA?”

Katsuki shakes his head, “He wasn’t a pro hero but he did go to UA.”

Izuku decided that, with being quirkless, if he couldn’t become a hero, he’d at least do his best to help them. So, he decided on making support gear. With all the analyzing he did, it was an easy thing for him to pick up. He was able to tell what people would need added to their hero costumes in order to make their quirk and fighting style work efficiently. It was impressive.

Katsuki was always fucking impressed with him.

“Are you looking to date again?”

The lady’s words echo in his mind a million times, rage boiling inside of him. His breaths get shorter, more uneven. Instead of getting angry though, he knows Izuku wouldn’t want that, he answers with a calm, “No, I’m not.”

“Not ever?”

Katsuki can’t help but think of the audacity that this woman has to ask him that after he said that his boyfriend just fucking died.

“I can’t speak for my future self but as of right now, no, I do not see myself getting into any other relationship,” Katsuki answers as calmly as he possibly can. Trying to even out his breathing but unsure if it’s actually doing anything.

“Hm, interesting,” The lady hums softly before her face shifts into something Katsuki can’t quite name, “What was his quirk?”

“Didn’t have one,” Katuski grumbles, wanting to move past that question as quickly as he could.

Then she asks the worst possible question, “How did he die?”

That sends Katsuki straight back to the day; he was sitting at home when his phone started to ring. He pushed himself off of the couch to grab his phone from where it was in the kitchen. Once he grabs it, he looks at the screen to see an unknown number.

That’s weird.

He decided on sitting down at his table and answering it just in case it was important. Upon answering, there’s a voice that starts talking, “Hello is this Bakugou Katsuki?”

“Yes?” Katsuki answers, “Who is this?”

“I’m a nurse from Tokyo Hospital, you were listed as Midoriya Izuku’s emergency contact.”

Katsuki stands up, placing a hand on his table as he leans in closer to his phone as if he would be able to get more information that way or something, “What happened? Is he okay? Where is he?”

“He’s been in an accident,” The nurse said, seemingly sympathetic, but who can really tell over the phone? “You should come in so that we can speak in more detail, the doctor can talk to you and let you know everything you need to.”

That just broke something in Katsuki’s heart because, surely, if Izuku was fine, he’d be reassured of that, right? Emergency contacts aren’t used unless there’s an actual emergency, right? They aren’t used for every hospital visit, just the ones where the patient can’t make their own decision or need someone there because something bad happened, right?

What kind of accident has Izuku been in? He was just supposed to be at work, that’s all. Just at work.

Tears welled in Katsuki’s eyes before he could stop it from happening, he still wasn’t even sure what was going on but he was determined to make it to the hospital as quickly as he could. He rushed out of his house, grabbing his wallet and keys on the way, his phone still pressed against his ear as he used his quirk (not even caring that it’s kind of illegal to use his quirk as a mode of transportation when not on the job).

He smelled smoke in the air, different from the smoke that came from his quirk. He looked to see where the smoke was coming from.

Then it hit him. The train. Izuku was taking the train home, something must have happened with the train, hence all of the smoke, and now Izuku was in the hospital.

Katsuki sped up, getting to the hospital in a mere 2 minutes. He rushed inside, it was complete chaos in there. Doctors running around and nurses making sure everything is in order. There were gurneys of patients being transported and materials being run through everywhere.

It was a disaster. As for why Katsuki hadn’t been paged to help with the emergency? He assumed it was because he had an explosion-type quirk, not the greatest helper when there’s already a fire of some sort.

Panic was increasing among all the civilians there, asking about their loved ones, begging the nurses or doctors or anybody there who would listen to them to just check for someone who might’ve been on the train.

Katsuki took a deep breath. Yes, he was panicking but he knew how stressed all of the hospital employees must be. As a hero, he’d been ambushed with questions before and it’s not easy.

He walks toward a young-looking man who is standing alone, marking some charts, “Excuse me? I was called about somebody.” He couldn’t say boyfriend in case someone who knew who he was happened to be listening. He tried staying as calm as he could but on the inside, he was absolutely freaking the fuck out.

What exactly happened to Izuku? Was he okay? Where was he? The call really hadn’t sounded good in the slightest. Katuski was sure that Izuku was in bad condition.

“Ah, okay,” The young man turns over to a computer and looks at Katsuki expectantly, “What is their name?”

“Midoriya Izuku,” Katsuki answers as quickly as he can without seeming desperate because that’s what he is, desperate. Desperate to know if the love of his life is okay. “I’m his emergency contact, Bakugou Katsuki.”

The man types the name into the computer and there’s just a look on his face. The same kind of look that Katsuki felt in the voice on the phone.

It wasn’t a good look.

“I’ll have his doctor come down to speak to you in a moment.”

“He’s alive?” Katsuki lets the desperation kick in, biting on the insides of his cheeks in anticipation. All he needs is for Izuku to be alive.

“He is,” The man confirms, allowing Katsuki to breathe a sigh of relief, “Go ahead and sit in the waiting room, I’ll page his doctor and he will come down to speak with you as soon as he can.”

“Thanks,” Katsuki mumbled and walked over to the waiting room. He was only waiting there for about 5 minutes (though it felt like an entire lifetime) before the doctor came down, calling out Izuku’s name and asking who was there for him.

Katsuki stood up and walked toward him, “I’m here for him.”

“Okay, hi, I’m Dr. Watanabe, I’ve been the primary doctor on Midoriya’s case,” The doctor spoke in a hushed tone, being sure not to allow those around them to hear.

Katsuki gulped, glancing around them for a second before deciding it doesn’t fucking matter who heard him at this point. Whispering, he answers, “I’m his boyfriend, is he okay?”

The doctor’s eyes widened for a moment before regaining his composure and speaking again, “Well, he came in in really bad condition, some 3rd degree burns along his entire torso as well as a head trauma. It’s very likely that he was close to the explosion and then got pushed back, hitting his head on something. We’re surprised it didn’t kill him on impact.”

Explosion? There was an explosion? What else didn’t Katsuki know about the situation?

“Is he okay? Is he gonna be okay?” Katsuki asked desperately, not even giving an attempt to keep himself calm at this point, “Fuck,” He said when he feels a tear slide down his face. He breathed out forcefully from his mouth and shook his head a bit before making eye contact with the doctor again, “Can I fuckin’ see him? Is he gonna be okay?”

“It is very touch and go at this point,” The doctor answered honestly, “currently, he’s unconscious and doesn’t show signs of waking up anytime soon but it is possible.”

Katsuki let out a shaky breath. Hearing that his boyfriend didn’t show any signs of waking up? That fucked with him in ways he can’t explain using regular words. Katsuki tried so hard to keep himself together, taking deep breaths and shutting his eyes to keep from tears flowing out anymore.

“May I please see him?” Katsuki asked quietly, opening his eyes again once he was sure he could hold his tears in.

The doctor nodded, “Of course, he’s in the ICU right now, so only one visitor is allowed.”

Katsuki nodded in order to acknowledge the doctor and then the doctor started walking and Katsuki followed quickly behind him, not wanting to lose him at all.

They get to the ICU, it’s full of other patients and crying friends and family.

Katsuki stepped in and pushed himself forward to the bed, his vision blurred with tears as he saw Izuku lying there. That’s when he got that feeling. The feeling telling him that he was gone. He could stay on all of these machines and there could be this “possibility” for him to wake up but it wasn’t not going to happen, that feeling was telling him that it wasn’t going to happen.

“I’ll leave you be, there might be some difficult decisions you have to make later,” The doctor told him before walking out.

There was already a chair there next to Izuku’s bed and Katsuki sat down in it. Izuku looked horrible, he was all bandaged up and lying there lifelessly.

The rest of Izuku’s life was a blur. Katsuki sat with him for a few hours, calling family and friends, just hoping that he would wake up, talking to him. Telling him all about his day and how he couldn’t handle it if he died.

Then all of a sudden, he was coding and the doctors came in to pull him into another surgery. Katsuki spent who knows how long just pacing back and forth, hoping that Izuku would come out fine. Then he came back out fucking dead.

Brain dead.

The doctors said that he had a brain bleed that they didn’t catch originally because it was so small and didn’t show up on the scans. They said that by the time they got back into the operating room, it was already too late. There wasn’t anything they could do.

Izuku was supposed to be an organ donor but all of his organs were too fucked up from the crash that nothing was viable so he was supposed to sign the papers to allow them to take him off of life support and then just go home.

Katsuki briefly remembers that at one point, some family walked up to him and said that they overheard him saying that he was Izuku’s boyfriend. He briefly remembers them telling him that, apparently, Izuku jumped in front of them, taking most of the impact for them. Izuku saved their lives and he remembers them telling him that they were very grateful that he had and they were very sorry he was so hurt. They didn’t know he was fucking dead.

He was just supposed to go home after that like the most life-changing thing didn’t just happen.

He was supposed to go home and make the arrangements and move on with his life like his boyfriend didn’t just fucking die but he did and there wasn’t anything Katsuki could fucking do about it and that sucked.

It still sucks because now it has Katsuki crying in the middle of a live interview. The lady’s voice is what brought him back from thinking about Izuku’s death, “Dynamight? Are you alright?”

“What the fuck do you think?” Katsuki scowls at her, rolling his eyes, “You’re fucking inconsiderate and you don’t actually give a shit about anybody you interview. It’s like my life is a game to you and I’m not fucking playing anymore. Fuck off.” He pushes himself up and storms out of the building, not being able to stand being there anymore.

He begins his walk home, everything reminding him of Izuku.

This street was the same street where Izuku danced after he got drunk for the first time when they were both 17.

He remembers how Izuku giggled, trying to get Katsuki to join him.

“It’s FUN!” Izuku had said, pulling Katsuki by the hands into the middle of the street. The dull street light shone down on them from one side, while the one on the other side of the street was completely out, “C’mon Kacchan.” He drawled Katsuki’s name out.

“This is dangerous, Izu,” Katsuki’s eyes widened, attempting to pull Izuku out of the street.

Izuku grinned, Katsuki remembers thinking that it was the best thing he had ever seen, his eyes crinkled up and he stuck his tongue out on his bottom lip, causing himself to lightly bite it as he laughed. He pulled his tongue back in his mouth, letting himself laugh with his mouth wide open, “C’mon, Katsuki,” He raised his eyebrows at him, keeping the two of them stable in the middle of the street, “When have you not been one for danger?”

“When my boyfriend is fuckin’ drunk off his ass,” Katsuki answered honestly.

Izuku scoffed, rolling his eyes softly, “I am not,” He emphasized the last word, “Look, I can say my ABC’s backwards,” He held up his finger as if telling Katsuki to wait a second, “Uh, Z.”

“Mhm,” Katsuki squinted at him, “Nice job there, baby.”

Izuku blushed, Katsuki wasn’t one for pet names usually so it must have caught Izuku off guard, “Y!” He shouted out nonetheless.

“Yep, keep going, hon,” Katsuki nodded.

“X, W, V, U, S-”

Katsuki interrupted him there, “Nope.”

“Okay sorry, I made one mistake. I’m not even slurring my words,” Izuku crossed his arms, “I am fine. I didn’t drink that much.”

Katuski laughed, how could you not laugh in the presence of someone so fucking adorable?

“I just wanna have fun Katsuki,” Izuku whispered, “C’mon,” He pulled him closer, letting go of Katsuki’s hands sliding his own up Katsuki’s arms and then back down the side of his body, his chest, his waist, his hips, only for him to slide them back up, this time under the sweatshirt Katsuki was wearing. The chill of Izuku’s hands caused Katsuki to gasp.

“Fuck,” Katsuki whispered back, “Your hands are freezing.”

Izuku giggled, stepping on his tip-toes to press a kiss on Katsuki’s nose, “We’ll be fine, baby,” It was definitely a callback to what Katsuki called Izuku earlier. He moved down from his nose to kiss him deeply on the lips.

They swayed back and forth, dancing together in the silence of the night. Izuku’s mom would probably kill him when he got home and Katsuki’s mom would definitely scream at him but neither of them cared at that moment. They were in their own little world, dancing and smiling and kissing and laughing.

That was the first time Katsuki knew 100%, with his entire being, and wholeheartedly that Izuku was the love of his life. The only person who could ever be the love of his life. He knew for sure, right then, that nobody else could ever even compare.

The past few years of their relationship, yeah, Katsuki fucking loved him and couldn’t imagine either of them being with anybody else but that was the moment that Katsuki knew that he absolutely wouldn’t ever be with anybody else. It wasn’t a matter of imagining, it was a matter of being. He knew, in that moment, that Izuku would always be there, in the front of his mind. Constantly.

Katsuki was completely at peace with the fact that he had Izuku and that he would only ever have Izuku no matter what.

Now, standing under the same streetlights, both of them working now, he feels anything but peace.

He feels hurt. He feels pain. He feels like someone has reached into his chest and is tugging on every single little nerve in his heart to make it ache overwhelmingly before they rip it out and leave him empty.

He feels broken. He feels like he is never going to be fixed ever again. Izuku was the best fucking thing to happen to him, Izuku always helped, Izuku was always there to make him feel better after difficult moments and now he was gone and all those good things that Izuku did just hurt like hell.

All the good things that happened in Katsuki’s life because of Izuku just hurt even more now that he’s gone.

Izuku made everything better but now Katsuki is just in constant pain.

He takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes, and looks up in hopes that he can maybe sense Izuku there with him. That maybe he can stop feeling so horrible.

He steps off of the sidewalk, going into the street, where they stood back when they were 17 all of those years ago. Izuku’s hands on him, their bodies pressed close together, whispering at each other, kisses given (and received) easily.

Katsuki sobs up at the sky, cursing the world for letting Izuku go. He sniffs and forces himself to continue on, he’ll get noticed if he stays out here for too long.

He quickly wipes his face so that it’s void of tears (they get easily replaced not even 5 seconds later).

He walks down the middle of the street, only moving to the sidewalk when he sees a car coming. He can’t help but have Izuku at the front of his mind, lingering there after that interview. He can’t shake the thought of his love.

The way Izuku would laugh or smile. The way Izuku got all flustered all the time. The way Izuku rambled endlessly about the things he enjoyed. The way Izuku continuously reminded Katsuki of how much he loved him. The way Izuku made sure that he gave Katsuki time, no matter how busy they both were, he made time for him. The way Izuku liked to play games they played when they were children; tag, hide and seek, and even fucking duck duck goose (by themselves). The way Izuku’s eyes would get all big when he was happy. The way that Izuku would literally shake with excitement.

The way they whispered promises to each other. The way that they would kiss in Katsuki’s car, after driving around the city blasting music and screaming along to the lyrics just because. The way Izuku would always tell Katsuki that he loved him, no matter what was happening between them, because Izuku was scared something would happen to Katsuki and he always wanted the last words that Katsuki heard from him to be ’I love you’ and not something he might regret later (he never thought that he’d be the one to die before Katsuki).

Katsuki can’t think about anything but Izuku as he sticks his key into the lock of their apartment, swinging open the door and stepping inside. Katsuki can’t think about anything but Izuku as he shuts the door behind him, immediately leaning his back against it, sliding down as the keys fall out of his hand. Katuski can’t think about anything but Izuku as he brings his hands up to his face and sobs into them.

Katsuki can’t think about anything but Izuku.

Anything but Izuku.

Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku.

Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku.

Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku.

Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku.

Izuku. Izuku.

Izuku.

Izuku.

Izuku.

Izuku.

Izuku.

Izuku.

Izuku…

Izu…

Izuku.

“Izuku,” Katsuki whispers out loud, dropping his hands into his lap and looking straight into the apartment, hoping that Izuku can somehow hear him. He hopes that Izuku knows how much he misses him and he hopes that Izuku can hear the love in his voice.

He feels a warmth around his face, on his cheeks, and he knows it’s probably just a phantom feeling of Izuku’s hands but he can’t help but think, hope, that it’s actually him.

In that moment, the slightest sense of relief washes over him.

He’s still mid-emotional break-down, sobbing into his empty apartment, but, hey. The lightest weight feels lifted. The smallest sense of relief, like he can finally breathe.