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"I won!"
"No! You cheated! I saw you!"
"Assume your defeat and pay me."
“Uh… what are you guys doing in my apartment?” Jisung said, puzzled as he closed the door. Surprised, he looked at his friends. "Wait. How did you get in?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Renjun has a copy of your key,” Jaemin replied, pointing at Renjun, who was in his kitchen as if it were his own.
When he heard his name, Renjun turned to the others with an apron on and a knife in hand. “I wouldn't rat on people if you know they have a knife in their hand,” he threatened Jaemin. The black-haired stuck out his tongue and returned to scrolling through his phone.
Jisung opened his mouth, willing to argue that they could only use the key in case of an emergency but in the end, he just sighed in defeat. Meanwhile, Mark and Jeno kept yelling at each other over the game.
There was no point in arguing with them. In the end, they would always do what they wanted. They were a lost cause.
So, ignoring all the chaos around him, he went to his room and closed the door trying to calm down. He had returned to his apartment with the intention of resting or at least trying to. He had no strength or energy to be with his friends. He didn't even have the strength to be with himself. God.
Disheveling his hair, upset, he placed his backpack on the chair and his phone on the desk, ignoring the number of messages he had. He knew from who were the majority of them.
It was the same person with whom he hadn’t spoken for almost a week.
Five days actually.
Chenle.
Jisung wasn't intentionally ignoring him. Not really. Or at least not completely. In any case, that hadn’t been his original plan.
After that day in which they said goodbye in a very awkward way, both of them ignoring the elephant in the room, just after closing the door, Jisung began to cry.
He was heartbroken.
From there, Jisung knew that he had consciously distanced himself from Chenle. He knew it was wrong. That he wasn't behaving as he should. That he was being very immature and without emotional responsibility. But seeing the blond and just talking to him was too much.
The reason might seem silly, but that day Jisung realized that space was something they needed, at least for Jisung. He needed to calm down his feelings towards the blond.
Of course Jisung wanted to continue being friends with him and that's why he had to stay away. They couldn't be friends if one of them is in love with the other. It just doesn't work and Jisung didn't want to suffer in the long run. So the distance was for the best. His feelings would calm down or even go away and he would be able to be friends with Chenle again.
Everyone happy!
But despite the fact that he had put a distance between them, without the blond knowing it, Jisung still answered his messages. Not all of them, but he did.
hey, do you want to have a coffee?
can't. with min
do you want to go to the movies? im paying :)
exam. sorry
let's go to the park?
i'm sick
are you okay? do you need me to bring you something? i can buy you medicines or bring you chicken soup
no need. renjun's here
Jisung grimaced as he remembered those conversations. Well. Answers. They didn't even speak.
He was a shitty person. But he wasn't able to sit down with Chenle and tell him why he was being such an asshole.
Grunting, he flung himself headfirst onto the bed without thinking and hid his face in the pillow.
The worst thing was that it didn’t end with the messages.
Jisung had changed his entire route to avoid meeting Chenle on his way to class. He missed his coffees and seeing him even for five minutes. But he couldn’t. He just couldn't do it. Besides, he didn't even know if Chenle was still waiting for him with the coffee. Jisung prayed that he wasn't.
The only thing that occupied his mind from not thinking about him all day was that he really had been busy. And sick. He had had three exams at once, one after the other, and when he was finally free, he fell ill. Stomach flu. Yay.
So, yes, Jisung wasn’t okay in any sense of the word.
Not to mention his anxiety, which was literally through the roof. But at least now he was seeing a psychologist.
Weeks before all this happened, his parents showed up at his apartment by surprise and saw the state he was in. It didn't take much more for them to make an appointment with a psychologist. His parents, and even himself, believed that it would do him good and if it didn't work, they would just look for something else. Jisung was very grateful to his parents. And luckily for now the sessions were going well. He was learning to work on his anxiety.
Besides, it had been thanks to his psychologist that he realized that he was depending on Chenle to control his anxiety. That wasn’t right. Jisung needed to be able to face his anxiety alone. That didn't mean that he couldn't have someone by his side, like his parents or his friends, to help him. But the main work had to be done by him. Not by someone else.
Jisung screamed into his pillow in frustration.
What a fucking week.
Two knocks sounded on his door and trying to contain a grimace, he turned around listlessly and saw Renjun's head peeking out.
"Can I?"
Jisung just nodded, still lying down and hugging his pillow.
Renjun closed the door softly and sat next to him, his apron still on.
"How was your day?" Renjun asked, smiling sweetly at him.
Everyone knew what had happened between him and Chenle, in addition to the week he had had, but Renjun was the one who had been by his side the most, supporting him and making sure he had food.
Renjun was an angel sent from heaven when he wanted to.
Jisung shrugged but sat up, resting his head against the headboard.
“The doctor told me that I no longer have to take the meds but to be careful with what I eat. Mmm. I almost failed an exam. I bumped into a dog and I dropped my coffee. The dog was fine." Jisung clarified and Renjun chuckled. “I was late for my last class because my shirt was stained with coffee and there were no bathrooms nearby. And the lady from the cafeteria accidentally burned me with the spoon, so I had to go back to the infirmary.” Jisung sighed. “At least I think Sanha and I are becoming friends. I spend more time there than in my apartment.”
Jisung finished speaking and Renjun looked at him, nodding, taking in all the information he had blurted out. Which reminded him of the first time Chenle had spoken to him.
Damn.
"Hey, at least I haven't cried," Jisung said, trying to put some humour in the situation. Renjun just shook his head in disbelief.
“I think I'll order bubble wrap and wrap you up in it. That way nothing will ever happen to you when you set foot outside this apartment.”
“I’d prefer the giant hamster ball. It seems more fun."
“Yeah, it fits you more,” Renjun stated, seeming to genuinely consider it.
“Let's blame it on Mercury Retrograde and that's it,” Jisung said, exasperated with life, making the other laugh.
"You don't know how funny it seems to me that you study space and the stars, and yet you are a faithful believer in those things."
Jisung hummed and closed his eyes, feeling how tiredness was beginning to consume him.
“Hey. Nothing to fall asleep. You have to eat dinner.” Renjun punched him in the side.
Jisung grumbled and curled up on his bed, ready to sleep. Not even caring that his friends were in his living room.
"Up. I've left the food on the table and I don't think there's much left with those here."
Still grumbling, Jisung stretched out his arm and Renjun pulled him up.
"Come on."
"Yes, dad."
“Honestly, I don't know what you would do without me. You didn't even have any food left in the fridge. If it's not for me, you'll be eating instant ramen for another week."
“It’s yummy,” Jisung defended, following Renjun into the living room.
“Mmh. And it is super nutritious,” said the other, sarcastic. He rolled his eyes, bumping him with his shoulder.
“Renjun, if I were you I'd drop out and take a cooking course,” Jaemin said with his mouth full of food once both of them sat to eat.
Jisung giggled seeing his mouth smeared with sauce. Jaemin was definitely a mess when he ate.
"Will you pay for it?" Renjun replied, serving a plate to Jisung, who smiled gratefully at him.
“There are loans for that.”
Renjun shook his head, exasperated. "Just eat and shut up."
“Yes, sir,” Jaemin said, making the gesture of a soldier receiving an order.
Jisung didn't expect to find his friends at his apartment when he got back, but despite everything, he was glad. They were his family. And deep down he knew they were doing it for him even though no one said anything.
"Who has won in the end?" Jisung asked, knowing what mess he would trigger.
Indeed. Not even two seconds passed and the couple stopped eating to return to arguing about whether or not Jeno had cheated, Jaemin saying that they both played horribly and Renjun just saying that video games were a waste of time.
Ah, family.
“Do you want to come to Ten's exhibition?” Renjun asked, scrolling through his phone.
The day after his friends took over his apartment, Renjun, Jaemin and he decided to have a picnic taking advantage of the good weather. Renjun loved the outdoors. According to him, he needed his daily dose of vitamin D and for the first time all week, Jisung hadn't wanted to stay home, surprising his friends and himself, really.
In the worst scenario possible, the park was close to his apartment and the truth is that it was very beautiful. It had a lot of grass and benches, and even a small lake where sometimes there were even ducks. Many times you would find them walking while you were going to class. They were adorable. Jisung always gave them food. Not bread. Jisung hated people who gave them bread. Unconscious people.
Also, the sunsets were very beautiful.
"Is it the twentieth?" Renjun nodded his head, which was resting on Jisung's legs. “I have another exam the next day and I just know I'll have to study even the day before.”
Renjun put down his phone, focusing his gaze on Jisung, who smiled shyly at him.
“Sometimes I hate how diligent you are with your studies,” Renjun sighed exhausted as he looked at Jaemin muttering under his breath, probably playing something on his phone. "Not like others."
"I heard you, Injun."
Jaemin paused his game and stuck his tongue out at Renjun, who to no one's surprise, did the same to the black-haired.
Jisung shook his head while Jaemin grumbled under his breath. "I didn’t come here to be judged."
"Then why did you come?" Renjun teased, causing Jaemin to complain.
“Are you sure you two aren’t married? Because I promise you are worse than my parents."
Renjun snorted.
“Renjun doesn't want to admit it but I know he's in love with me,” Jaemin stated, winking at the brunet, who responded by flipping him to which Jaemin cooed.
Jisung knew Renjun was with YangYang and there was nothing going on between their friends, but it was fun watching them fight like cat and dog.
“So you're not coming to the exhibition?” Renjun asked again, pretending as if nothing had happened. Jisung shook his head in response. "Fine.” He sighed. “Then I’ll go with YangYang.”
"Should I be concerned about the fact that you asked me before your boyfriend?"
Renjun just rolled his eyes.
“I asked you because I know you like these things. YangYang doesn't understand anything about art and although I know he would say yes, I don't want to force him either.”
“YangYang is like... fucking in love with you. He’d even say yes to eating snails if you asked him,” Jaemin said. Renjun's cheeks flush pink, and not exactly from the sun.
“It's true, Jun. You've had him eating from the palm of your hand since you two met,” Jisung added, making his friend blush even more. He was always willing to talk about the love life of others but dear God, poor thing if someone tried to talk about his.
“Shut up. Both of you,” Renjun ordered as he sat up. "I'm going for a smoothie. Do you want something?"
They both denied the offer and Jaemin, taking advantage that Renjun was gone, took his place in Jisung's lap and stared at him, frowning.
"Jaemin, I don't know what you're doing but I've lready told you that telepathy doesn't work no matter how hard you look at me."
The black-haired let his comment slide, which meant he was thinking about something and didn't know how to say it.
"What?" Jisung finally asked, tired of noticing the other's gaze fixated on his face.
"Have you talked to Chenle?"
Oh.
Jisung shifted his gaze to the lake across the park, watching two ducks swim in circles together, and swallowed hard.
“Uh… I was going to,” Jisung simply replied.
"Yeah? When? When you graduate?" Jaemin inquired seriously.
The brunette sighed defeated. "I don't know, Min. I don't feel ready."
“It's not about whether you're ready or not, Jisung. It’s about the fact that Chenle also feels and suffers. Imagine if one of us suddenly almost never responded to your messages, ignored you and avoided you at all costs.”
Jisung fixed his eyes on Jaemin. The black-haired seemed really annoyed by his behaviour. Still, he was supposed to be his friend!
"I already know it—"
“Do you? Because the Jisung that I know would never behave like this with a friend knowing that it could hurt him."
Jisung closed his eyes, trying to calm down. His heart had started to race at just the mention of the blond and, besides, Jaemin's tone wasn't helping him at all. He knew he wasn't behaving properly but Jaemin didn't have to talk to him like that.
“Don't talk to me like that, please,” Jisung whispered with his voice strangled. “I already know that what I’m doing isn't right. That I should talk to Chenle. But I just... It's too much, Min.” Jisung played with the grass under his hands, inadvertently tearing off a few pieces of the force he was using.
With a sigh, Jaemin got back up, sitting next to the brunette. "I'm sorry, Sungie." The black-haired began to caress his back gently. “I understand why you have distanced yourself from him, believe me. And I know it hurts," Jaemin whispered, glancing sideways at the shop Renjun had entered. Jisung saw it but decided to let it go. Perhaps he would bring it up at another time. “But you have to talk with him. Even if it's to tell him you need space."
“And how do I tell him that?” Jisung asked, anger and helplessness evident in his voice. “How do I tell him that I can't be by his side because my whole body hurts too much from just seeing him? That when he told me all that, he broke my heart into pieces? That with his answer I know that he will never love me like I love him?” Jisung blurted out, starting to sob.
“Sungie…” Jaemin immediately hugged him and Jisung rested his head on the black-haired’s shoulder, trying not to hyperventilate, letting his tears fall on Jaemin's new shirt.
“It hurts so much, Min,” Jisung whispered, hugging him back with even more force.
“I know,” the other answered sadly, still stroking his back, perhaps more to himself than to Jisung.
The brunette didn't know that he had been holding back for so long. That he had so many tears to cry. And while he hadn't liked Jaemin's reproachful tone, he had apparently sensed that he needed to talk about it even when he himself hadn't known. Or maybe the black-haired had simply noticed that Jisung needed to cry and have someone by his side.
“Sungie, I love you with all my heart. We all love you so much,” Jaemin clarified. “And if I tell you this it's because I sincerely believe it's for your own good. Even if you don't want to hear it. But please, talk to him. You have condemned yourself to this pain and you have drawn many conclusions from a single conversation. Maybe you're wrong,” the black-haired suggested hopefully.
“And maybe I’m not,” Jisung said, wiping away tears.
“You won't know unless you talk to him,” Jaemin said softly with a small smile of support.
When Renjun returned, he simply ignored the fact that Jisung's eyes were red when he saw Jaemin shaking his head at him to not say anything.
hey. how are you?
No, no.
it’s been a while, huh?
hey. sorry that i've been ignoring and avoiding you this week but i couldn't conceive the idea of seeing you after knowing that you will never love me the same way that i love you
Jisung growled desperately.
He had been writing and deleting messages for almost two hours. Nothing sounded right to him. I mean, what are you supposed to say to a person you've been avoiding for almost a week so they don't hate you?
There was no right way to do it. If it were the other way around, Jisung wouldn't even bother answering a message like that. Perhaps it wasn't worth writing it after all. Maybe Jisung had already destroyed what they had with his behaviour.
God.
He inhaled gently, held his breath, and after a few seconds he exhaled.
He already knew that the situation was going to cause him anxiety. He had been doing the same exercises for those two hours to calm down, he had finished his bottle of water and had splashed his face with cold water. He had even gone for a walk for a while to try to clear his mind! But nothing was working.
But he had to. He owed it to Chenle.
With a deep but agitated breath, he lay back on his bed. At this point, it didn't even look like he had made his bed in the morning. The sheets were wrinkled and the pillows were misplaced across the bed and all the way to the floor.
hey…
Ping!
Quickly, Jisung sat up and held his breath as he tried to read the new message he had received.
jisung, you've been writing messages for two hours and you still haven't sent me any
is there something you want to tell me?
His heart began to beat extremely fast at those words. Chenle knew it! Jisung wanted to die of embarrassment. Let the earth open up and swallow him.
Embarrassed, he buried his face in a pillow and yelled into it.
Could it get any worse?
The ringtone on his cell phone brought him out of his thoughts, but not for too long.
Lele
Shit.
With trembling hands, Jisung took the call.
"Uh... hello?"
Jisung heard Chenle breath deeply before answering after a long pause.
"Hello, Jisung."
God. He had missed his voice. Jisung hadn't been aware of how much. The brunette blinked a couple of times to try to clear his watery eyes.
"How are you?" Jisung asked almost in a whisper.
After a few long seconds of silence more, the blond spoke again. "Surprised."
Jisung just nodded, forgetting that the other couldn't see him.
Now what? Should Jisung just apologize?
It was as if he had lost all ability to think of anything other than monosyllables.
"Look, my practice starts soon," the blond began to say. "I called you because I thought that maybe this way it would be easier for you to tell me what you've been writing for two hours, but if it's not like that, I'm just going to hu—"
"No!" Jisung quickly cut him off. "I…" He cleared his throat. "I wanted to talk with you."
Chenle just hummed in response, waiting for the brunette to continue.
"I'm sorry," the brunette whispered, finally letting his tears fall. “I'm so sorry, Chenle. I didn’t want this to happen. I didn't want to avoid you, or ignore your messages, or…”
“But you did,” the blond replied harshly. Jisung flinched.
“I know, and you don't know how much I hate myself for it,” he said in a strangled voice, trying not to show that he was crying. “I have behaved very immaturely. I haven't talked to you and that has been very wrong."
"Yeah. You’ve hurt me,” Chenle confirmed.
Jisung sighed, his body still shaking. "I'm so sorry, Lele. Really. And I understand if you're mad at me, but I want to talk to you. I want… I need to clear everything up.”
Even if you never speak to me again afterwards.
Jisung held his breath waiting for Chenle's answer and it seemed like forever before he heard the other answer. "Tonight," he said, surprising the brunette. “When my practice is over. Wait for me outside the gym. Same old place,” the blond finished.
Jisung didn't have time to respond when the other one said a quick goodbye to him and hung up.
He knew they were going to have to talk soon but he didn't know it would be that soon.
God.
Chenle's practice lasted an hour and a half, which meant Jisung had that much time to prepare and try not to pass out on the way.
Without wasting any more time, he opened the closet and began to mess up his room even more.
Jisung couldn't help the way his heart jumped every time he heard the gym door open.
Chenle's practice had finished twenty minutes ago and Jisung was about to run out of fingernails from biting them so much. To say that he was nervous was the understanding of the year. He felt his whole body tremble like a jelly. And just thinking about food made him wince.
When Jisung finally saw a blond head walk out of the gym and brown eyes fell on him, he felt his entire body tense up, making his muscles ache, and he had to do his best to keep from gagging. Not for the blond. God, no. Jisung hated these situations. But he hated more how his body reacted. It was as if he fell sick from one second to the next.
Even so, he tried to offer a smile to the blond, who was already in front of him, looking at him expectantly.
Without thinking twice and following his instincts for the first time, Jisung rushed towards the blond, hugging him. His arms immediately wrapped around Chenle's neck and he buried his head in his neck. Chenle, in shock, dropped his backpack and wrapped his arms around Jisung, hugging him back. The brunette was almost sure that he couldn't breathe from how tightly Chenle was hugging him, but he didn't care, because despite everything, Chenle was hugging him.
“Shh, that's it,” the blond whispered to him, stroking his back with one hand and his hair with the other. "Cry it out."
Huh?
Oh.
Chenle was right. Jisung was crying. Again. He didn't understand how the tears never ended. It was ridiculous.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lele,” Jisung apologized again, between sobs. "I've missed you so much. You don’t know how much." Jisung hugged Chenle even tighter.
"If it's been as much as me, believe me, I know."
Jisung separated his head from the blond's neck at his words and for the first time, the brunette was able to look at him closely.
Chenle looked tired. But not tired from his practice. It was a general fatigue. Both physical and mental. The dark circles under his eyes proved it, but one only needed to look into his eyes to see that they lacked that characteristic shine of his. Chenle was light in person. But now he didn't look like himself.
And all because of Jisung.
“God, I'm so sorry,” Jisung said, shaking his head, wiping away tears.
Chenle sighed and finally released Jisung, very much against the brunette. Jisung took a step back, wanting to give the other some space. Chenle rubbed his eyes, exhausted, and Jisung took the opportunity to look at him even more.
He was wearing a black sweatshirt, grey sweatpants, and his hair was still damp from the shower. Even so, Jisung couldn't stop thinking about how handsome he was and how good he smelled. Roses. Jisung didn’t need to think too much to know that it was the body wash he had given Chenle a few weeks ago when the blond had told him that he always forgot it at home, so Jisung decided to give him one to leave just in the gym.
“Can we walk while we talk? Or are you going to do it with Rejun too?” Chenle snapped out of nowhere, causing Jisung to wince at the tone. He deserved it. Still, Chenle reacted instantly, his eyes widening in surprise with himself. "Fuck. I'm sorry. It was out of place. I'm just tired,” the blond immediately apologized, shrinking Jisung's heart.
“I had it coming. Don't worry,” Jisung shook his head, brushing it off. "Where do you want to go?" the brunette asked timidly, swinging his arms as he tried to avoid the awkwardness between them even after hugging.
The park was nearly deserted at that hour, so it wasn't hard to find a picnic bench to sit on. And even though Chenle had said to talk things out while they walked, the way to the park had been mostly awkward, at least for Jisung. He and Chenle had always been good at talking. Well. Especially the blond, but rarely, if not at all, a silence of that type formed between them.
The brunette hated it.
“I saw you leaving the library one day when you saw me sitting there,” Chenle commented and sighed. Jisung looked at him surprised. Fuck. He hadnt know Chenle had seen him. Jisung grimaced. “What I don't understand is why ,” he said, sounding almost hurt, making Jisung duck his head in embarrassment.
"I couldn't see you... I can't see you."
Chenle fell silent at his response. It certainly wasn't what he expected to hear.
"When you left that day, my hear—, something in me just... broke," the brunette corrected himself, looking at Chenle again, who frowned, clearly not understanding anything.
"But why?" Before Jisung could answer him, his face changed completely from puzzlement to understanding. "Are you telling me that this week has been utter hell because of that fight? You can't even call it a fight!" He said incredulously.
Jisung played with his hands nervously. “Yeah, well no, but… yes.” Ignoring the blond's incredulous mutter, he continued. "It's more complicated than that."
"Well, then do me a favour and tell me. Tell me why the one who was supposed to be my friend has put me aside overnight, barely answering my texts and completely avoiding me. Without giving me any explanation. Without talking to me. Without trying to fix it. Making me rack my brains day and night about what I could have done wrong for him to treat me like this,” Chenle blurted out, annoyed, but mostly hurt. His eyes glassy.
"You're going to think it's stupid."
“Let me be the one to decide that,” the blond said deadpanned, to which Jisung simply nodded.
Taking a breath and stopping moving his leg, his biggest habit, he looked at Chenle. “You said that you would let go the person you love and even make them hate you as long as they follow their dreams. Right?" Chenle just nodded, staring at him, trying to understand where he was going with this. “I wouldn't be able to do that,” Jisung shook his head softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I'm the type of person who would give everything I have and I am for the person I love. And of course I want them to achieve their dreams, but I want to be by their side."
"So what?" Chenle asked, still puzzled.
“That you wouldn’t,” Jisung replied simply with a small laugh that was more like a sigh, drying his eyes.
“Jisung, people are different. It's okay to have different opinions. I still don't get what it has to do with your behavior."
“Because I love you,” the brunette blurted out, his eyes locked on the other's, who gasped in surprise, his eyes wide. In other circumstances, Jisung would have laughed at his face. But not today. "Because I’m completely in love with you and by your response I just know you'll never love me the way I love you," the brunette finally said.
Jisung had always thought how he would confess his feelings to Chenle and doing it like this wasn’t in his plans. Jisung thought that it would be under other conditions. One afternoon watching a movie. Celebrating the victory of a basketball game. Or just walking. Not like this, having to watch Chenle stutter trying to answer him.
"Ji—"
“You don't have to answer,” Jisung said for him. “I know that people have different opinions. But when it comes to love it’s different. For me, it’s like knowing your partner's life goals. You aren’t going to be with someone who doesn’t have the same ones as you or at least that are not similar.” Jisung shrugged. “And I know it might have seemed stupid to behave like this and treat you the way I did because of it. I'm not justifying myself. There's no justification for what I've done. I've been a bad friend. It’s just that… I was broken-hearted,” Jisung finished, his lip quivering as he offered an empty half-smile to Chenle, who stood still, staring nowhere in particular.
“I thought that if I distanced myself from you for a while everything could go back to normal,” Jiusng continued explaining, wiping away his tears and letting out a shaky breath.
"And how is it working for you?" Chenle finally spoke, his face devoid of any emotion.
“Not that well,” the brunette replied with a dry laugh. "I'm an idiot." Jisung buried his head in his hands, tired.
He was tired. Exhausted. He'd had a shitty week. His own fault. And all he wanted was to disappear.
"Yes, you are an idiot." Chenle stroked his hair, surprising Jisung, who hadn't realized that he had sat down next to him, his body turned towards him. “But I already knew that. I told you that getting all A's doesn't guarantee someone's smart,” Chenle said amused, causing Jisung to pout involuntarily.
Almost hesitating, Chenle grabbed Jisung's hand, letting him see the brunette’s face, and intertwined their fingers together. Jisung couldn't do anything but look at how well their hands fit together.
“Jisung,” the blond called, sighing and redirecting his gaze to him. “When I told you that, I meant it. If I'm with someone I want my partner to always put themselves as a priority. I don’t want them to lose their essence in the couple. I would hate for that to happen." Chenle frowned. “I didn't mean that I'm not going to fight for my relationship and for that person till the end. Especially if I know they're worth it." His eyes softened as he looked at the brunette. “I meant it as you cannot go from being an individual person to just a couple, because when you want to realize it you’ll already have lost everything.”
“But then you're still not willing to give everything for someone. To risk it,” Jisung stressed, stroking Chenle's palm with his thumb.
"Maybe because I've never met someone who I'm willing to do it for."
Ouch.
"Until you came along."
This time it was Jisung's turn to look surprised, making Chenle giggle.
“If you'd talked to me you would’ve known,” Chenle teased, poking him on the forehead. “When I left that day I thought a lot about it. I still stand by what I just told you. But I also realized that when someone finds their person, they are willing to give and do everything for that person. The only thing I wanted to say with all that is that… You have to be your highest priority. Always. And only then you can do everything for someone else. Because in the end, even if you've given everything you could and had to someone, you’ll always continue to have yourself." Chenle sighed. "The good kind of love doesn't mean you have to lose yourself.”
Jisung fixed his eyes on the blond, who seemed even shy after saying all that. Subtly, Jisung moved closer to Chenle, their legs touching and their hands still together.
The brunette didn't want to get his hopes up but it was already happening and there was no way to calm his heart and his thoughts.
“And you still believe that relationships are temporary?” the brunette asked nervously, looking expectantly at the blond.
“I never said that,” Chenle said seriously. “I said that sometimes they are temporary. They don't always last. In that case, all the couples would still be together to this day. Wouldn’t they?" Chenle asked with a raised eyebrow. Jisung nodded. "I didn't tell you that I would start a relationship expecting it to be temporary, just that I would be aware that it's a possibility, but still hoping that it wouldn’t be the case." Chenle exhaled. “That's all I was trying to say the other night. And it seems I couldn't make myself clear enough but you didn't give me a chance to talk,” Chenle muttered, earning a shove from Jisung.
“The boy I like was telling me that he didn't believe in the same kind of love that I did." Chenle looked at him with his eyebrow raised. "Or that's what I thought," Jiusng added. "Still, what did you expect me to do?"
“To shut up and listen to him,” Chenle replied simply. “Because then you wouldn't have thought all this, you wouldn't have behaved like that, and you would’ve discovered that he is indeed willing to give everything for you. To risk it,” Chenle confessed with a smile, his eyes finally shining again, making the brunette’s heart race.
"Really?" Jisung asked unsure.
"Yeah." Chenle smiled at him. “But don't you doubt that I'll put you on a dmn plane to achieve your goals if I have to,” Chenle said completely serious.
"Yes, sir." Jisung smiled back, sitting face-to-face with the blond.
Jisung couldn't believe it. He really couldn’t. Deep down Jaemin had been right. He had come to his own conclusions when the truth was that Chenle was crazy about him. Almost as much as Jisung was for him, which was all he wanted.
Jisung was finally okay with the fact that Chenle thought love wasn’t everything.
Jisung would think it for both of them.
The brunette wanted to contain his emotion but, fuck it. Chenle liked him!
Without hesitating for another second, or thinking twice, because honestly, he had already overthought enough for his whole life, he grabbed Chenle's sweatshirt, making him gasp in surprise, being instantly silenced by Jisung's lips.
Kissing Chenle was everything he had expected and more. It was… amazing. Jisung had no words to describe it. It was a feeling of excitement and tranquillity at the same time, but above all, there was happiness. Because Chenle made him the happiest person in the world.
The blond finally seemed to process everything that was happening, because the kiss became more desperate, more urgent. As if it was a necessity. Chenle grabbed the brunette's waist tightly, sticking it closer to his chest, not satisfied until Jisung intertwined his own hands behind the blond's neck and caressed it.
It wasn't until he felt his lungs scream for air that he broke apart from the blond, resting his forehead against the other’s, both panting.
“I swear to God Park Jisung… if you disappear from my life like that again, you don't have enough world to hide in,” Chenle growled, making Jisung squirm.
“Never again,” Jisung promised, placing small kisses on Chenle's face.
“I'm still angry,” the blond continued.
“Mmh. Of course you are."
Jisung couldn't contain the laughter that escaped him as Chenle started tickling his sides.
"Do you think it's funny?"
"Stop! Stop!" The brunette exclaimed between laughs, trying to escape from his grip, being impossible.
"I’m very angry."
Jisung nodded. “I'm sorry,” he apologized, caressing his cheek, unable to hide his smirk at how red Chenle's lips were. "What can I do to make it up for you?" asked the brunette with a pout.
Chenle hummed, thinking while Jisung caressed his cheek.
“You’re going to reply to all my messages.” Jisung gave him a kiss, answering him. “You’ll let me walk you to class whenever I can.” Kiss. “Bring you coffee every day.” Another kiss. "You'll talk to me whenever something happens instead of overthinking alone." Kiss. “And you'll say yes to being my boyfriend,” the blond whispered, millimetres away from Jisung's lips, who couldn't stop grinning like a fool.
"Yes to everything, Lele."
The mentioned smiled and immediately collided their lips in another kiss, this one sweeter than the previous one but just as incredible.
“Just promise me one thing,” Jisung said with their foreheads still pressed together. Chenle nodded, his eyes shining. “Love me as much as I love you,” Jisung declared. "Please."
"Always."