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They went 1-0 up. They were 1-0 up until the 84th minute when England equalized. It was 1-1 until the 96th minute, 6 minutes into extra-time, when England pulled ahead. Then the final whistle blew and Mapi's heart sank. The stadium full of England fans erupted as the English players celebrated getting into the semi-finals. The Spanish players and supporters did not celebrate because they had just been knocked out in the quarter-finals. Mapi didn't know what to do. She stayed on the pitch for as little time as possible, shaking the players hands and a quick team talk, before getting into the changing room as quickly as possible. She knew her Ingrid and some of her family was here but she couldn't face them. Not when she had let them down so much.
Once Mapi entered the dressing room, she slowly made her way to her seat before sitting and putting her head in her hands. The other players started filtering in, some offering weak words of consolation but many just stayed silent. Eventually, she lifted her head and looked around the somber dressing before grabbing her phone. She messaged her family telling them that she was needed inside and that she'd see them soon. She then messaged Ingrid and again told that she was fine and that she'd see tomorrow. Deep down Mapi knew she really wanted and needed to see Ingrid and have her hold her close but she didn't want to admit that she was struggling internally and she also didn't want to ruin Ingrid's mood or plans when she would be fine on her own.
The changing room cleared out quickly, with all players and staff wanting to get back to their hotel as quickly as possible. Once all interviews were done and everyone was on the bus, they were off, back to their hotel where they would stay until the morning. The drive back was a lot quieter than the drive there. No one talked or gave any motivational speeches or played music really loud so everyone sang along. Mapi kept noticing Aitana watching her then looking down at her phone but thought nothing of it. She was obviously upset as she stared out of the window with a depressed look on her normally smiley face and she refused to interact with any of her teammates, instead choosing to bash the match on a personal level in her head. There was a solemn mood as they pulled into the drive and all headed to the dining hall straight away to get food. Mapi really wasn't hungry and she got lost in her thoughts as she played with her food.
What if she ran faster? What if she made that tackle? What if she went the other direction? What if a different sub was made? What if the ref's decision went their way? What if she didn't make the interception? What if she did make the interception? What if she did that long pass? What is she made that run? What if? What if? What if? Everything she could have done differently went through her head at a million miles per hour. She was thinking so negatively about her performance that she didn't even notice her eyes burning with the tears threatening to fall.
It wasn't until the door shut suddenly that she was fully pulled out of her overthinking trance. She lifted her head just in time to see it was Aitana, sneaking in. She was clearly trying to make sure no one had noticed her absence. And it had worked, surprisingly. Mapi hadn't noticed and neither had anyone else by the looks of it, everyone being lost in their own thoughts. Aitana looked over at her and smiled slightly, a message that she couldn't decode. Mapi quickly looked back down at her the table before letting just a few tears flow onto her uneaten plate of food before taking a few deep breaths, wiping her eyes and standing.
"There's something I needed to do" she said quietly to her table, although she was pretty sure everyone heard it in the nearly silent room, even though no one acknowledged her. She needed to get out of the room and away from people. There was only one person she wanted to see, but she couldn't. She felt like she was suffocating on her teams silent judgement of her, of how badly she had played.
Little did she know they were all actually very impressed with how well she played and how well she was holding herself together.
Once Mapi got into the lift she finally let herself breathe properly for the time since before the match kicked off. She wanted Ingrid. She needed Ingrid. Ingrid would know what to say and what to do. But she can't see because she overestimated her ability to be ok after Spain's loss and made a mistake by telling Ingrid she was fine. She really wasn't fine. Her girlfriend wouldn't even be able to see her anyway because no one outside her national team's bubble was allowed in their hotel. But she just really need a hug from her Princess.
For the first time since the locker room, Mapi checked her phone. She had notifications from all social media apps, her family and her friends on different teams. Her eyes were immediately drawn to a chain of messages from a certain someone.
Mi Princesa 💖:
- Okay Love.
- Let me know if you need anything xx
- I'll see you soon, call if you need x
- I love you 💕
Mapi's heart hurt just that bit more with how understanding Ingrid was. She really needed her. She gave a quick reply of 'Thank you. I will. I love you etc.' before the doors to the lift opened onto her floor. Each player had their own room, and while Mapi may not have been a fan of it at first (being an extrovert and very sociable), she was now so grateful. If she couldn't be with her Ingrid, then she didn't want to be with anyone. Slowly, she made her way down the corridor and to her room. Taking her key card out of her back pocket, she opened the door and stepped inside. Closing the door behind her, Mapi leant against the wall and slid down so she was sat on the floor with her knees up against her chest. She rapped her arms around her legs and let her head fall back so it hit the wall behind her. After so many hours of hiding her emotions, Mapi was now mentally and physically exhausted. She finally let a few tears fall from her eyes and looked around her room, trying to calm her senses. Her eye caught sight of a figure sitting on her bed. She momentarily became very tense before relaxing completely. More relaxed than she had been through out the entire tournament. A slight smile graced her face and the person stood and began to make her way over to Mapi.
"Hi darling." Ingrid whispered to her lover. They smiled at each other before Ingrid lowered herself to the floor and next to Mapi, "Are you alright? What do you need?"
"I don't- I don't know. I'm just glad you are here." Mapi shakily said to Ingrid. She smiled and tried to hold back her tears but failed.
"It's ok my love. I've got you. Let it all out." with that, Ingrid brought Mapi into her arms and held her tightly. Mapi was practically sobbing into her girlfriends arms and she just kept trying to get closer to her. By this point, Mapi was basically sitting in Ingrid's lap and she tried to take some deep breaths to calm herself down but it didn't work so she instead hid her face in the crook of Ingrid's neck and took her time to calm down. Ingrid held her tightly and whispered comforting words into her ear.
Once Mapi had calmed down, Ingrid kissed her jaw and helped her stand. They walked towards the bathroom and Ingrid turned to leave and Giver her girlfriend some privacy but Mapi stopped her from leaving by grabbing her wrist, "Stay. Please" Ingrid nods.
Ingrid turns on the shower to the temperature Mapi likes. They strip and step into the steamy shower together. Ingrid helps clean and wash Mapi's hair before the roles are reversed. This is not sex. This is more intimate and loving. Once they are both clean, Mapi falls into Ingrid's waiting arms and cries until she has no more tears left to shed. Ingrid held her the entire time and never let go.
Once they were dried and dressed they made their way to the bed and lay down, "Can you stay? How did you get here as well? I mean I messaged you saying I was fine and we aren't even allowed anyone into our hotel like-" Mapi began.
"Aitana messaged me when you were on the bus then snuck me in. I know you Mapi, I know when you aren't ok and you aren't ok. And I can stay for how ever long you need. Forever."
"Of course she did." Mapi laughs for the first time in ages. Ingrid smiled at the beautiful sound.
"You played really well by the way. Don't give me any of your excuses or anything, I watched you and to me, you were the best player on the pitch today. I'm proud of you."
"Thank you, Princesa." Mapi yawns. It's only 9PM but she is exhausted. It has been a draining day. She cuddles closer to Ingrid and shuts her eyes for a moment.
"You're cute when you're tired," Ingrid laughs slightly at Mapi's weak protest, "You need to sleep love. I'll be here when you wake up."
Mapi fell asleep fairly quickly, her thoughts filled with her Ingrid and how grateful she was that Aitana noticed something was off otherwise she would probably be trying to deal with her negative thoughts in a different way. She doesn't know what way, but it certainly wouldn't be going to sleep at 9PM in the arms of her love. While she may still be upset over the loss and still is very much not happy with how she played, at least Mapi has her Ingrid to help her. Like she always has and like she always will. And both people will be forever thankful that they have each other. No matter what.
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In the morning, Ingrid and Mapi woke up in each others arms. They smiled. They kissed. They got up and snuck Ingrid out only for them to see each other again in just a few hours.
"I love you."
"I love you."