Archive of Our Own

Bucky had locked himself out of his apartment for the second time in a week and his spare key was nowhere to be found. He'd just camped outside of his door and ran his hands through shoulder length auburn hair and contemplated calling the lock smith - again - when a stranger walked up to him with a bright smile, sandy blonde hair, eyes as blue as the sky on a sunny day with long legs and just the right amount of muscle. He wore a black t-shirt that clung to his chest and jeans that hugged his hips and Bucky had felt the blood rush to his skin leaving a trail of heat.

"Need some help?," the stranger asked as he dangled his own door key.

"Locked myself out," Bucky answered with a groan. What a first impression.

Steve allowed his gaze to drift from bare feet to dark jeans over slim hips, a tan naked torso that was begging to be touched, blue eyes like his own and long hair that fell over his forehead when he lifted his head. He silently thanked every god he could think of for gifting him with a gorgeous neighbor.

"Umm..I can help out if you'd like. I'm used to it - always losing my keys," Steve replied with a nervous laugh.

"Alright you can give it a try." Bucky stood up a little too fast and it made his head spin - he clutched the wall tightly as the neighbor quickly strided over with a worried expression on his face - forehead crinkling with concern.

"Just got up too fast is all," he answered.

The neighbor nodded and went to work on the door - he managed to jimmy it open within five minutes and stepped back with a sideways grin.

"Might have to get you to teach me that trick sometime. I'm Bucky," Bucky held out a hand and the stranger placed his own in it and all at once Bucky felt his world tilt slightly to the side as if something drastic had just occurred - something important.

"Steve."  He shook Bucky's hand and lingered for a beat longer than necessary before he realized what he was doing - dear god he was holding his neighbors hand like they were old flames who hadn't saw one another in too long. He blushed and mumbled under his breath - "Nice to meet you. I'm..this is me right here," he pointed to the apartment door across from Bucky's.

Bucky nodded and pointed to his own door, felt utterly ridiculous after doing so because obviously it was his apartment. Why else would he get Steve to pop it open?

"I make a mean pot of chili if you're hungry. Its been simmering for a few hours - that's kinda why I had to get in there," Bucky rambled.

"Sure, yeah. I could eat."  Steve unlocked and locked his apartment door - honestly he was finding it hard to focus.

Bucky held open the door to his place and Steve walked in - he was greeted by a sleek leather sofa, bare walls that reminded Steve of rain - slate gray, clothes thrown haphazardly over a matching leather loveseat and a small kitchen with a cheery pale yellow in sharp contrast to the modern decor of the living room. Bucky even had a vintage 1940s fridge tucked into the corner of the kitchen - complete with a handle that had to be locked into place. You could tell a lot about a person by the state of their home. Bucky's said that he was rough around the edges but had a soft spot and a niche for vintage.

"Sorry about the mess, wasn't expecting company," Bucky called from the kitchen as he retrieved two bowls and spoons - ladled steaming chili into both. He'd pulled on a t-shirt when Steve was distracted.

"I'm used to it," Steve wasn't much of a housekeeper himself. His apartment was much worse than Bucky's with dishes piled up in the sink, eggshell white walls that he hadn't gotten around to decorating yet, pea green curtains left behind by the last tenant, a ratty couch that he'd purchased used for a bargain price of $20 and boxes strewn through out.

Bucky sat both bowls and spoons down on the table and pushed a chair out for Steve. They ate in silence - both trying to get a read on one another.

"This is really good," Steve broke the silence as he finished his food - it was delicious and spicy with four different types of beans and ground beef.

"Thanks, my ma taught me how to make it. Can you cook?" 

Steve laughed - "I can boil water, does that count?" 

Bucky grinned and shook his head no. "I don't think water counts as a food source." 

"But it was worth a try," Steve gave him a shy smile and averted his eyes - decided to scope out the place once more when he felt something rub against his leg. He jumped and the offender gave a loud 'muh-row' as if it were insulted. 

"I see you've met Falsworth." Bucky scooped the cat up - a chubby black and white tabby with big green eyes and he purred loudly. 

"Sorry - didn't mean to spook him." 

"He's fine - I spook him a lot without meaning to. He sneaks up on me sometimes and catches me off guard," Bucky replied as he stroked the cats chin. 

Steve followed the path of Bucky's hands as they gently stroked the cats fur - strong hands that might feel good on his...oh jesus he'd been single for too long and it was beginning to get on his nerves. 

"I should go. I got some laundry to...um...laundry to put away. It was really nice meeting you, thanks for dinner," he got up and pushed his chair under - made a mad dash for the door.

"Glad you liked it. It's not often that my cooking is appreciated," Bucky leaned up against the empty door frame and ran his fingers through his hair - it was a habit he'd picked up years ago and it had stuck around when it caught the eager eyes of potential dates. It worked - Steve's eyes darted up to his hand and watched as the hair glided through his fingers.

A moment later he tore them away and nodded before escaping to the safety of his apartment.

Bucky commended himself on the dinner idea - his ma had always told him that the best way to win someone over was with food. It hadn't failed yet.

The next time Bucky saw Steve his jaw nearly hit the floor and his mouth hung open - the man was collecting his mail wearing nothing at all with only a shirt held against delicate areas. He gave Bucky an innocent grin and waved before retreating into his apartment. Bucky stood in the hallway trying to figure out if that had actually happened or if he'd been hitting the bottle a little too hard. Either way he eventually went back into his apartment, locked the door behind him and conjured up long sculpted legs, hard muscles and a goofy grin. Having Steve Rogers as a neighbor wasn't going to be easy.

Two weeks after the incident, Bucky locked his apartment door behind him and found Steve standing in the hallway. His face fell when he saw a curvy brunette push Steve up against a wall and kiss him passionately. Not only was his neighbor heterosexual (possibly bi? - to think over later) but he was taken as well. Steve stood there with eyes darting from the female and then to Bucky's even as she pressed her lips harder against his and pushed them into his apartment. Without saying a word Bucky brushed past him and spent the rest of the day at the gym where he chastised himself for being so blind and stupid and letting his heart get him into a tangled mess that he couldn't escape. Goddamn it hadn't even been a month but he couldn't get Steve out of his head - something kept tugging him back.

Three months passed with more of the same - polite smiles in passing, waving from afar when they saw one another in public and various dates streaming in and out of Steve's apartment.

On a cold November afternoon Bucky had decided that two could play at that game. He waited until he knew Steve would be home and dialed up an old haunt that he kept around for sexual reasons - Joseph was short but well built with black hair, tanned skin and chocolate brown eyes. It was never serious between them - nothing more than a quick romp in the sheets when the mood hit but if it made his neighbor jealous it was a win/win.

Just as Steve had opened his door to take the trash out he saw a handsome man plant a wet kiss against those lips that he wanted to taste for himself and Bucky looked Steve right in the eye as he dragged the man in by his shirt and closed the door. Bucky was....bisexual? No. Gay - he liked men only. It wasn't a big deal - Steve was bisexual and he'd carried on at least three long term same sex relationships - each lasting about six months because none of them felt like the one but it hurt to see someone else touching Bucky even though he had no right to feel that way. He decided to forgo taking out the garbage and settled for greasy pizza and a terrible movie alone in the dark. He was so lonely that his bones ached and not for just anyone - he wanted Bucky. Too little, too late, he thought to himself. If there was an award for always swooping in at the last minute and the worse possible timing it would have his name on it in bold letters.

They avoided one another even more after that & Steve noticed more men frequenting Bucky's apartment - he'd gritted his teeth hard enough to break when they passed him on their way out.

After moping around for a week his buddy Chris and his brother Scott had dragged him out to a local bar. Everything was going fine and Steve was on his sixth shot of hard liquor when he saw a familiar face leaning up against the counter and watching from afar.

"BUCKY!," Steve called out loudly as he motioned for him to join them.

Bucky pulled up a chair and scooted his drink onto the scratched up table in front of them - eyed the other men suspiciously.

"Hey buddy! I hear you're Steve's new neighbor - you'll have to ignore his late night guests. He's got no manners," a drunken man to Bucky's right said in between hiccups.

Steve met Bucky's eyes and frowned before turning his attention to his drink.

"Don't be lyin' on our Stevie here, hes not like that," another man slurred. He wore a black baseball cap, had dark glassy eyes and bore a striking resemblance to Steve. Siblings perhaps.

"Where are my manners? I'm Scott - Steve's big brother if you can believe that. And this is Chris and of course you know Stevie," Scott pointed as Chris nodded before turning his attention elsewhere.

"Bucky," Bucky extended a hand and shook Scott's. Chris was too preoccupied with oogling the women at the next table.

"Hows Falsworth?" Steve questioned.

"He's good - scratched up my couch real bad though," Bucky shook his head and sipped his drink. That cat was destroying everything he owned.

Steve nodded and couldn't think of a single thing to say. He wanted to make a snide comment about Bucky's visitors but there was no reason to potentially cause bad blood between himself and the man he had to see nearly everyday. 

"I prob need to get home and feed him. He might turn over the lamp again if I don't."  Falsworth was a handful but he was more than okay on his own - spent most of his days sleeping on the windowsill and purposely knocking house plants over but Steve didn't have to know that. 

"I'll see you around then," Steve met his eyes - he was disappointed and suddenly a night out had lost its appeal.

Bucky scooted his chair back and left without looking back.

"What did you do this time Stevie?" Scott cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not sure," he lied. He knew exactly what was wrong - they had a well timed dance going on between the two of them and it made Steve feel lonelier than ever.

He stayed at the bar until well past two a.m. when Scott hailed a cab and escorted him home where he passed out on the couch with his shoes on.

Four weeks later there was a knock on Bucky's door - he was surprised to find Steve standing there in a tux with his hair carefully styled. Bucky was wearing old sweats and a stained baggy t-shirt.

"You should come listen to me play - I mean...guitar. I've got a show tonight in about an hour. I know it's short notice but I thought...," Steve trailed off.

"Sure, why not? Where at?"

Steve jotted down an address and pressed it into Bucky's hand - an unnecessary gesture but he was doing a lot of those these days.

Bucky pocketed the paper and went back into his apartment to get dressed.

Two hours later he was standing in a crowded room with a tall lanky blonde at his side - she kept kissing on him and whispering in his ear. He didn't have to bring her along but he didn't want to appear desperate or needy when god...he was so fucking hungry for Steve.

Steve took to the stage and found Bucky's eyes in a sea of bodies as he played - it was difficult to focus when a woman had her hands all over Bucky - under his white t-shirt with the other curled around his black leather jacket as she ground against him. The bright lights of the stage made Steve's vision go blurry until the two of them were nothing more than shades of color meshing together. Focus. FOCUS!

After the show ended he pushed through the throng of bodies until he caught up to them. Bucky gave him a grin as the blonde leaned in and pressed full red lips to his while Steve stood there, dumbfounded, and wishing he hadn't invited him at all. He continued to grin against her lips as Steve turned away.

"Thank you for coming," Steve mumbled as he fished out his keys.

"You're good," Bucky pried his lips away from the eager woman and for a moment, seemed to forget that she was even there as he got lost in Steve's eyes. She interrupted the moment by dragging him back for one more kiss.

Steve didn't bother saying goodbye as he angerly hailed a cab.

It was exactly one week, two days later when Steve showed up at Bucky's door with two towels, soap and a bottle of shampoo. Time to up his game.

"My bath tub isn't holding much water - can I borrow yours?"

Bucky gaped back at him before moving aside so he could enter the apartment. Steve made a beeline for the bathroom and it wasn't long before Bucky heard him belting out a Katy Perry song rather terribly. He'd left the door wide open and the tub was filled nearly to the top with bubbles that smelled like lavender. His eyes were closed as he sang and did a little dance that made the water slosh and splash onto the floor.

Bucky moved to the living room and pretended to be reading a magazine as he leaned back in the kitchen chair he'd lugged in and watched Steve. He couldn't help but laugh - the man was 6'0 tall and covered in bubbles.

After five minutes Steve wrapped a towel around his waist and Bucky did not watch from the corner of his eye...nope...dammit. His eyes didn't follow the water droplet that was making a path down his chest and onto the area beneath - he didn't bite his lip as he eyed the vein that pulsed on the side of Steve's neck that was nearly an invitation to suck the water right off of it. Nope - not at all.

Steve froze in place and his chest began to rise and fall faster than it had before.

Before Bucky's common sense could kick in he found himself striding across the apartment and curling a palm against Steve's bare waist and tasting his skin - first the side of his neck then his collarbone and jawline. Steve pressed up against him with only a towel separating his naked body from Bucky's and grabbed him by the back of the neck - crushed his lips against Bucky's hungerly - passionately. Bucky moaned when Steve's tongue slid into his mouth and rubbed against his own seductively. He held on tight to Steve's waist with blunt fingernails curling into his skin as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss until Steve was grinding against him and not bothering to hide the fact that he was hard. The towel made it impossible to hide.

It was then that Bucky remembered Steve's latest date - two days ago in fact. A short red head with eyes the color of granny smith apples and freckles that dotted across her face like constellations. He broke away then and shoved Steve away when he tried to go in for one more kiss. 

"You should...you should go," he cleared his throat and left Steve nearly naked in the living room as he went to his bedroom, closed the door and slid down against it. He heard the front door softly close a moment later. 

Stupid stupid stupid.

Three days later Bucky woke to find a note that had been slipped under his doorway -

Whatever I did I'm sorry. I really am - just please tell me what I did wrong.

He sighed and put it next to the coffee pot - made no attempt to answer it nor did he receive any more of them.

Two days passed and Bucky noticed the lack of women - not a single one in fact- coming out or going into Steve's apartment. In return he hadn't had any late night visitors - not for weeks.

His heart wasn't been in it - he'd always end up picturing sandy blonde hair, a goofy grin and a naked body with nothing more than a towel on and the taste of Steve's lips against his own. It was all he could think about.

There was a knock at the door sometime around 3 o'clock and Bucky swung it open to find Steve holding a bouquet of red roses and wearing the smile that made Bucky weak. He couldn't resist - he pulled Steve into his apartment and shoved him down onto the couch. Steve tried to drag Bucky down with him but the sofa simply wasn't big enough so they'd tumbled to the floor and collapsed into a fit of giggles - crushed the roses (thornless thankfully) underneath of them.

Steve gently bit Bucky's neck and licked the place where his teeth had been before moving onto his collarbone - he was returning the favor - finishing what they'd started. This made Bucky realize why they'd stopped before -

"Wait...what about your...your dates? Your girlfriends? I thought...I'm sure you've noticed but I'm not exactly a woman," Bucky panted as Steve continued to nibble and suck.

"Don't have a girlfriend, don't want one either. I like both but mostly I like you," Steve whispered as he grinned against Bucky's shoulder.

"But I thought?"

"Just a trick is all," Steve countered as he instinctively lifted his hips to familiarize himself with a very hard Bucky.

Bucky furrowed his brows - they'd both been playing the same game. Steve really was right for him. He laughed and flipped them until he had Steve pinned to the floor where he tugged his shirt up over his head and rubbed his palms over all the places he'd been dreaming of touching. Steve moaned and pushed against him - hips rising to meet Bucky's. He all but ripped Bucky's shirt off and it joined Steve's followed by both their pants...and underwear.

They spent the entire night getting to know one another better in every possible way and woke up to crushed rose petals and the sunlight streaming in through thin curtains.

"Hey neighbor," Steve breathed as he leaned over and gave Bucky a wet kiss - morning breath be damned.

"Hey," Bucky grinned and ducked in for another one.

Two months later -

"Where are we goin' though? Gimme a hint," Bucky pleaded. Steve had hailed a cab for the two of them and told him he had a surprise for him and that food was involved.

"Nope, not telling," Steve shook his head no to reinforce what he'd said.

Bucky groaned and Steve gave him a gentle push.

The cab pulled up to a fancy Italian restaurant with warm lighting and soft music - they were led to a table for two tucked away in the corner. 

"You gonna tell me or keep teasing me?," Bucky asked as he leaned across the table toward Steve.

"Okay fine I'll tell you or...ask you moreso. Um...well...I know we haven't known one another for a very long time but I swear to god Bucky I feel like I've known you all our lives - in another life maybe and I got this magnetic pull toward you. Always have."

Bucky grinned and started to speak -

"No let me finish. Will you marry me? I don't have a ring or anything so you'll have to pretend that I do and we'll take care of that later."

Bucky's mouth fell open as he stared at Steve in shock - it was a huge move. Sure they'd been spending the night at one anothers apartments since they'd torn each others clothes off and he loved Steve...wait...he loved  Steve...they'd never said it aloud, hadn't felt a need to but there it was. Unspoken.

"You're beautiful," he tried to change the subject before the panic set in. And it was true - Steve Rogers was the most beautiful man he'd ever laid eyes on and it went beyond the physical but yes he was trying to buy himself some time.

Steve gave him a look that said 'I'm not falling for that' - "Come on, say yes."

Bucky stared back at him blankly. Where did they go from here?

"Not a chance in hell is there?"

"No."

Steve sighed and put down his napkin "I have to go." They hadn't even gotten around to ordering yet. He nodded awkwardly and left as soon as he could - didn't bother with an excuse.

Bucky didn't follow - he spent the rest of the night at his place where he drowned his sorrows in cheap alcohol. He cared about Steve more than he'd ever cared about anyone else and it was terrifying. To think that someone could mean that  much...could have such a hold over him. And then to surrender to that love and give Steve the power to break him after he'd built up walls around his heart for years - it was a massive leap of faith. Still he had to admit that he shared the same feeling of having been down this road before that Steve had spoken of. From the minute Steve had popped up he'd immediately felt a gaping hole in his life carefully seal together with Steve's name carved inside.

How was it that two people who'd never met seemed to share such a strong bond and a distinct feeling that they'd known one another before - perhaps in another life? Bucky blamed the existential crisis on the booze and dropped it onto the floor beside of the sofa which he was sprawled out on.

It was impossible - he didn't believe in fate.

The next day Steve stayed indoors and watched at least four seasons of a new show on Netflix before flicking the television off and taking a hot shower. As the bathroom steamed up and water sluiced over his body, he replayed the previous night and tried to figure out where he'd gone wrong - was it something he said? Did he move too fast? That had to be it. Bucky wasn't ready to take that step and might never be - it wasn't his fault that Steve loved intensely and deeply, with every fiber of his being - that he asked for too much. His heart ached at the thought of losing Bucky and something in his gut twisted as if an old pain were being resurrected and dragged kicking and screaming into the daylight.

He'd just flopped back down onto his shabby couch when there was a knock at the door. Bucky - with watery blue eyes and an apology.

"Can I come in?"

Steve stepped aside and let him in - paused the show he'd been watching.

"I'm sorry. I was an asshole," Bucky shook his head regretfully and apologized.

"No, it's okay. I was the asshole. I pushed too hard," Steve sighed and stared down at his feet.

"You didn't do a damn thing wrong," Bucky protested. "And that feeling you described...I get that too and it scares me." 

Steve jerked his head up at that - eyes softening as he registered what Bucky had said. He feels it too. 

"I love you," he said so quietly that Steve barely heard him.

It shouldn't have been a huge revelation, in all honesty and yet it was. Neither had been willing to put their feelings into words due to a deep seated fear of ruining this beautiful thing they'd created.

Bucky embraced him and Steve rested his head on his shoulder - breathed him in and felt like, if all possible, he loved this man more than life itself.

"I love you too."

Bucky clutched Steve's waist and held on tight. He half expected the world to crumble around them - for Steve to walk out the door and never come back or worse - for all of this to have been nothing more than a dream.

"Kinda feels like we've did this before but you know...not really coming out and saying it," Steve mumbled against Bucky's skin.

"I know what you mean."

"Does this mean...is this a yes?"

" 'course it is," Bucky grinned and took Steve's face in his hands - kissed him softly and slowly as if they had all the time in the world.

"You wanna dance?," Steve asked.

"I'd love to. I'm actually pretty good at it."

Steve raised an eyebrow - "Prove it."

"Before we get started I got a confession to make...I know you really like the guitar and all that and you're amazing at playing it by the way but I sorta prefer older music."

Steve laughed - "Just how old are we talkin' about here? 'Cause I'm not down with Cher."

"I'm thinkin' a little Glenn Miller, some Doris Day, Lena Horne."

"And you're just now telling me this? We could've been dancing all along. I'm a big fan of Lena Horne myself."

"I have a song that you'll love then," Bucky surprised Steve by wiping the dust off of an older record player and placing a large black record inside.

He took Steve's hand in his own with the other resting on his waist as the music began to play -

Sometimes you think you've lived before
All that you live today
Things you do come back to you
As though they knew the way
Oh, the tricks your mind can play

It seems we stood and talked like this before
We looked at each other in the same way then
But I can't remember where or when

Steve grinned and swayed along to the music -

 The clothes you're wearing are the clothes you wore
The smile you are smiling, you were smiling then
But I can't remember where or when