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“Your plan has failed.” Vash said, a determined look on his eyes. Knives felt his blood boil as his twin pointed a gun at him for what seemed to be the hundredth time. “Now, let’s end this.”
“I won’t let it be.” Knives said through gritted teeth as he lunged forward. “Give that to me, Vash!”
Bullets and blades meet as the twins fight. Vash tries to keep his distance away from Knives to get as far away from Knives’ range of attack. This proves to be the right move as he manages to get a few shots in that manages to disorient his brother. While Knives is steadying himself, he took the chance to reload his gun behind one of the pillars in the room.
“Why?” Nai’s hoarse voice echoes across the empty room. “Why, Vash?! Why can’t you understand?! WHY?!” He ran towards the place Vash is hiding and immediately was met with a gun in his face. Fortunately, Knives dodged just in time for the bullet to miss his head by an inch. At the realization of what happened, Knives sees red. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed Vash and yanked him across the room.
“YOU!” He screams, slamming Vash to the wall. “You’d kill your own brother to protect those disgusting murderers? Huh? Is that what you’re doing right now?”
“No, I-” Before Vash could say anything, Knives pushed him through the wall and he grimaced as his back hit another wall. The impact made him slightly dizzy, but one look at Knives’ murderous gaze immediately brought back his focus. “I’m stopping you from doing something horrible, Nai!”
“Horrible?” Nai chuckled dryly, his blades and arms trying so desperately to take the cube on Vash’s hand. “Is there something more horrible than pointing a gun at your own brother, Vash?”
“You leave me no choice!” Vash uses all his strength to kick Knives away from him. Knives stumbled back, giving Vash space to slip away and distance himself from Knives. “Please, Nai, don’t do this.”
“You’re sick.” Knives' head hung low, his voice hollow and quiet. “You can hear them too. You know how much they suffered at the hands of humans. And, yet…” Knives looks up, and Vash’s breath hitches. They both fought in the past, fighting over whose ideology is correct. Yet, Vash had never seen that expression on his face. His lips were twisted into an animalistic snarl, his stance defensive, ready to attack. It was his usual furious look but the thing that made Vash so taken aback was his eyes. His brother had never been forthcoming with his feelings and since they were kids, Vash had learnt to just seek for his eyes when Knives is being particularly difficult. As much as Knives tries to act tough and stoic, that little furrow of his eyebrows or slight squinting of his eyes tells Vash all he needs to know.
One of those sharp tendril moves to strike him and Vash dodged forward at the last second. Blue eyes met teal once more and Vash felt his throat closing up.
Why does his brother look so dejected and… hurt?
“Nai, please listen to me.” Vash lets the desperation seep into his voice. Suddenly, he’s aware of the suffocating feeling in his chest every time he presses the trigger to shoot. There was something eating him up from the inside this whole time. He knew how wrong it is for them to be fighting like this. He doesn’t want to. But everytime he tries to stop, an image of a particular face of Knives appears and he immediately grits his teeth. His hand moves to shoot, to fight, and his mouth opens to scream at his brother. Because how else is he supposed to show his frustration? Knives would never listen. Knives looks at him like he’s a naive, idiot child. Vash doesn’t know any better, his brother thought. He’s being stupid and he needs guidance. Vash desperately needs his brother to save him from his own idiocy is what is written in Knives’ face everytime he sees him and that makes Vash’s skin tingle with rage.
Vash is okay with people telling him he's dumb, but when it comes from his own family, his other half…
You were supposed to understand me the most.
Dear brother, why can't you just listen to me?
“There are kind humans and innocent children who have done nothing to abuse Plants. They just did what was needed to survive. They don’t need to die!” An image of Tonis’ cut arm and Rollo’s dead body flashes in his mind and Vash wills himself not to cry. Those children don’t deserve their fate and Vash is going to protect them from it. He doesn’t want another Rollo or Tonis. He had enough of innocent blood staining his hands.
“And why does that matter?!” Knives bellowed. “What guarantee can you give that those ‘innocent’ humans won’t turn their back on us the moment their lives are in danger? The moment they realize we have powers that can annihilate them in a second?”
“If we show them that we’re here to help them, I’m sure they’ll understand. Besides, they also desperately need us for survival.”
“Survival? You want to talk about survival while our sisters are dying out there, Vash? What right do humans have that they can commit injustice to survive and we don’t?”
“We don’t have to! We can find a way to coexist together.”
“Oh, not this again.” Knives laughs, the sound dry and hoarse. There it is. That condescending attitude. When Vash met Knives’ gaze, he tried his best to ignore how much it made his skin crawl. “You have to be kidding me. ‘Coexisting?’ You could even utter that word when you’re more metal than flesh? Is there an end to your delusion, Vash?”
There it is. Vash took a deep breath to try and calm himself. He shifted his focus on making sure the cube was intact and not on whatever nonsense Knives is spouting at him.
“How many times have you been shot at for accidentally revealing what you are?” Knives walks closer to Vash, his lips twisting into a cruel smile.
Vash closes his eyes to avoid looking at the man in front of him. There was a dull ache on most of his scars now. He tries not to dwell on it, even when his mind immediately digs up the memory of the pain he felt on every wound.
“How often do they sell you out when they find out how much you’re worth?”
“It was you who deliberately set the bounty like that.”
“YOU– WHAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND, VASH?!” Vash bites his lip. It’s always him who’s not understanding how the world works, not his brother who stays cooped up in his abode, refusing to see the world. “You saw how those humans are so quick to throw you away the moment they know how much you’re worth. Your ‘kindness’ means nothing to them!”
“I’m protecting the people Rem died for!”
“You’re still thinking of her?!” Nai screamed. “With you it's always, Rem this, Rem that, humans this, humans that. I did everything to show you, to help you, and even when the truth was staring at you right in the fucking face you still refuse to see it! Why, Vash? Tell me why?!”
“THEY WERE KIND, NAI!” Vash screamed back. “You never once interacted with them, but I did. They gave me a home, fed me, talked to me when I had nobody. I was alone all these years and humans are the only things that have shown me kindness and warmth. You ask me what they did? They showed me hope, Nai. Even in this hell of a planet, they still find things to smile and laugh about.”
“I see. How kind of them. Not only do they gift you their ‘kindness’ and company, they gifted you these permanent scars to make sure you always remember them.”
“...” What was Vash thinking? Did he seriously, for a split second. thought his words would ever reach Knives?
Knives is now so close, intruding Vash’s own personal space with their noses almost touching. Vash pushes down the urge to pull on Knives’ collar and scream at him until his throat gives out. Knives stared him down as he said, “I’m waiting.”
Vash met Knives’ gaze with the same intensity. He too, had no intention of folding under Knives’ coercion. “It’s normal for them to be afraid of things that they don’t understand. I don’t see it as a problem.”
Knives looks away first with a scoff. Blades begin to manifest from his back. “... You are really getting on my nerves, Vash.”
That’s it. Vash grits his teeth as he throws the cube away and uses his free hand to grab Nai’s collar. A pang of guilt bloomed in his chest when he saw how taken aback Knives looks, but it was quickly covered by his own frustration. “No, you are getting on my nerves, Nai. You think you can just abandon me for 150 years and come back, thinking I’d just happily accept the life you choose for me? You have no right to walk into my life suddenly and tell me how I’ve been living my life wrong, Nai. Because you were never there in the first place. You left me! You left me alone!”
“I-”
“LISTEN TO ME! It’s my turn to speak and it’s your turn to listen. Even now, you still refuse to listen to me. Is it so hard to stop and try to listen to me?”
Knives froze. He did not expect that Vash would just suddenly explode like this. He was so used to the quiet, shy, reserved Vash in his mind that this angry, rebellious Vash shocked him to the core. This is not my brother, he thought to himself. What happened to him all these years?
“You kept asking me what humans have done for me that I’d choose them over and over again, no matter how badly they hurt me. It’s because they were there for me, Nai. They took care of me when you left me to die.”
“I did not abandon you, Vash! I was preparing our world! I did everything for you!”
“YOU HURT ME, NAI!”
The air stills. Right now, they were not Vash the Stampede and Millions Knives, pacifist and mass murderer. They were just Vash and Nai, simply brothers who were quarreling because the other hurt their feelings. It wasn’t about the future of humankind. Vash was simply hurt by Nai’s actions.
“Your words, your actions, everything that you said you did for me, it hurts me! That’s why I’m begging you to stop!” Vash only realized he was crying when he noticed the blurriness of his vision. It felt so wrong, letting his emotions explode like this, but, gosh, it felt so good.
Vash could feel the guilt and regret creeping up under his skin from throwing a tantrum, so he loosened his grip on Nai’s collar to wipe his tears from his eyes, willing it to stop. When it doesn’t work, he covers his face with his hands. It made him recall a time back where he, Nai, and Rem were a happy family. Vash likes playing hide and seek. One day, Vash did so well at hiding that Nai and Rem had to search for him for an hour. It was Nai who managed to find a crying Vash, distraught at the idea of being abandoned. Vash remembers how Nai immediately pulled him into a warm hug, a hand on his hair, reassuring him again and again that he would never leave Vash’s side until Vash calms down.
Is it wrong for Vash to still seek out that comfort from his brother, despite him being the reason why he needed that comfort in the first place?
“It hurts, Nai-nii. I don’t like feeling pain.”
Nai retracted his blades back to his body.
Vash turns to face the other way as he lets himself sob quietly. He thought he was dreaming when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his body. Vash lowers his hand and turns his head, only to feel Nai burying his head on his shoulder. Warm, he thought to himself. Stunned, Vash held his breath, scared that if he blinked, this moment would crumble like dust in his hands.
“Vash.” Vash's eyes widened when he heard the crack in Knives’ voice, followed by a sniffle. There’s no way. “I’m so sorry, brother. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I… I didn’t mean to.”
“I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. But, I’m here now, brother. I won’t leave you alone ever again.”
Knives pulled away and joined their foreheads together. Vash could feel electricity forming under his skin and he could feel marks beginning to light up his skin. “We can start over, Vash. You and I, together, in a new world. A world where you won’t feel pain ever again. Everything will be fine.”
That statement pulled Vash back to the harsh reality. Not safe. He’s not safe. Vash furrows his eyebrows as he said, “You think we’ll be fine in a world built on blood?”
Nai was desperate, he can tell. They were so close, so close to having things go back to the way they were. “Vash, please. This is the only way. This is the only way for us to be safe. For you, to be safe.”
“What are you so scared of, Nai?”
“Did you forget what they did to our sister, Vash? Tesla? They left her in pieces.You and I didn’t even know she existed. She died alone. And for what? So they can have hot showers? I can’t let that happen to you.”
Vash was desperate too. A voice inside him was telling him to stop. Let things be the way they are. Go back to the safety of Nai’s arms and stop thinking so much. Why is he choosing a lonely road filled with nothing but thorns, when he can be safe in a heavenly flower garden?
Vash remembers a certain short haired girl who had been there since the beginning, who saw him fail over and over due to his ideals, but was the voice that saved him when he was paralyzed and losing himself in that other realm. She believed in him, even when people told her Vash was a goner.
Vash remembers the scolding of a certain black-haired man who despites having different ideologies, puts himself in danger to protect Vash. Always so grumpy and angry everytime Vash moves somewhere, but even without looking back Vash knows he will always be right behind him.
It’s them. The people that make Vash voluntarily walk through a rain of bullets so that they can live. So that they can be safe and happy.
“It won’t happen.” He said with an air of finality. “I’m sorry, Nai. I really… I can’t.”
Vash heard Nai gasp. He took a step back, tears streaming down his face as he looks at Vash like his twin had ripped Nai’s heart from his chest with a smile. “Why? Why are you so sure?” Knives grits his teeth. “We’re not getting anywhere. Even after 150 years, you never changed, Vash. You’re still the same naive, doe-eyed boy who lives in a fantasy.” Knives summoned back his blades as Vash took a step back to approach the cube in his periphery. “You leave me no other choice, Vash.”
Vash wipes his tears with his hand. Knives was right. He was naive, but not for the reasons his brother might be thinking. It was because he thought that they both could go back to the way they were. That a future exists where they could come to an understanding if only Vash was more adept at talking. There isn’t. The only future that exists is a future where either Knives’ or Vash’s ideology prevails.
Vash swallows a sob as the realization dawns upon him that they were no longer the same Nai and Vash that could hug it out over a problem. They were too different now. He saw it coming, yet it still felt like a knife was stabbed through his heart over and over again.
“This will hurt.” Nai smiled sadly. “But, if it means I can protect you, dear brother, I’d do anything.”
Cube in hand, Vash dashed towards the window and threw himself off it. As he was falling down, his twin’s blades aimed towards him in the name of love, he could only think about one thing.
Meryl, Wolfwood, wait for me.