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“Hyung, seriously, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to watch over me so much,” Soobin said softly, patting Yeonjun’s shoulder. Ever since the incident at the party, the elder had kept suspiciously close to Soobin’s side.
Where Soobin used to walk to his classes alone before, suddenly Yeonjun would appear at his side with a snack of some sort. He would chat up a storm about anything and everything. At first, Soobin thought it was about the elder’s crush on him, the one he’d had for six months if his words were to be trusted. The thought made something warm and happy blossom in Soobin’s stomach, but after weeks of Yeonjun giving zero indication that he wanted to be anything more than a friend, Soobin started to wonder if he’d even meant it in the first place.
It would be better if he hadn’t, anyway. Friend Soobin could do. A relationship…just wasn’t on the table for someone like him.
But, worst of all, he quickly realised that the telekinetic probably just felt guilty for what happened at the party with Heeseung and was worried for Soobin’s safety—hence the clinginess. Soobin had to ignore the small, hurt part of him that had hoped Yeonjun just sincerely wanted to be around him. Even if he couldn’t allow him to be anything more than a casual friend.
It was often, when they were walking together or eating lunch, that Soobin would see Yeonjun’s eyes carefully scanning their surroundings, his fingertips twitching the way they always did when his telekinetic energy was rising. Soobin always helped to slow the elder’s heart to get him to relax. It was never healthy to let one’s powers become uncontrollable.
He put up with it for a while, because it never extended outside of school hours or off campus, and it’s not like Yeonjun seemed to not enjoy Soobin’s company. That, or he was a really good actor.
But over time it wore Soobin down, because as much as he resisted it, he couldn’t help but develop his own feelings for the elder. Perhaps they had always been there, but now that seventy five percent of his time was spent with Yeonjun, he admitted it felt inevitable.
He knew he needed to do something, say something, set a boundary, but it was hard for him. He was never good with his words or talking about his feelings. And what if Yeonjun was put off? What if he stopped spending time with him?
Wait—isn’t that exactly what Soobin wanted?
It was just all too complex for him to even understand himself.
It all came to a head when one day Yeonjun told Soobin he was going to walk whim to his dorm. That was the thing, Yeonjun never asked, he always stated. And Soobin always let him. Perhaps he got himself into this mess.
But Soobin was worried that by allowing Yeonjun to walk him to his dorm the problem with his feelings—as well as the fact that he could protect himself just fine—would only get worse.
So, sighing, he decided to decline Yeonjun’s offer.
“Hyung, it’s okay. You don’t need to walk me to my dorm, I promise I’ll be alright for ten minutes by myself,” he said gently, hands gripping the straps of his backpack. Yeonjun blinked in confusion, obviously surprised at Soobin’s rejection.
“Are you sure?” he asked, voice soft. Soobin sighed again, doing his best not to roll his eyes. He knew Yeonjun meant well, he didn’t want him to feel bad. “I’m sure, hyung.”
Yeonjun still didn’t look very happy, chewing on his lip in worry and wringing his hands together awkwardly. “Do you not like me being around you?” he asked.
Soobin wanted to sigh again, because he really didn’t want to have to get into all of his reasoning right there on the campus lawn, but he supposed he might as well just get it over with.
“I just think I can protect myself, so you don’t have to feel bad about what happened at the party. I just got overwhelmed and let my guard down, but I’m fine now,” he explained. He looked over at Yeonjun for his reaction, and was surprised to see a rather offended look on his face.
He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “You think I’ve been hanging around you because I think you need protection?” he repeated back. Soobin instantly paled, unprepared for such a response.
“Um, yeah? You were protective of me at the party, and it’s not like you spoke to me much beforehand so that’s the only logical reason you’d spend so much time with me, right?” he replied, looking down at his feet, knowing one hundred percent that it wasn’t the only logical reason. But he didn’t have the energy to address their mutual crushes on each other on top of this.
Yeonjun huffed, and was shaking his head when Soobin looked up. “Okay, yeah, I was trying to protect you, but—.”
“Please stop,” Soobin interrupted. “Just stop trying to protect me, I don’t need it. I’m sure you have plenty of other things you’d rather be doing, so you can stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself, I don’t need your pity.”
He was being a little mean, but his anger was building the more Yeonjun kept looking confused and refusing to just accept Soobin’s requests. How was he not getting it?
Yeonjun took a step back, hurt crossing his features for only a brief moment before his gaze hardened and he clenched his hands into fists. “I don’t pity you, Soobin-ah,” he argued.
Soobin rubbed his fists against his eyes in frustration. “Just leave me alone then, please. It’s too confusing being around you.” He started walking away, his heart beating fast and his own elemental energy spiking. He needed to be by himself and calm down.
But as he was walking, he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and Yeonjun’s voice calling him to stop and he momentarily lost a bit of control.
As he yanked his hand out of the elder’s grasp, he sent a shockwave through the ground, causing the grass to split open and Yeonjun to trip into one of the crevices, twisting his ankle.
His cry of pain was enough to make Soobin turn around in worry, not having actually planned for his powers to manifest in the moment. He moved forward with the intent to help Yeonjun, an apology already forming on his lips, when the elder snapped his head up and glared at Soobin, before suddenly Soobin was being yanked back by the straps of his backpack, falling flat on top of it.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Yeonjun shouted as Soobin struggled to stand up again, his backpack seemingly stuck to the ground. He wriggled his arms out of it and managed to stand up just as Yeonjun was standing too. “Hyung, I didn’t—.”
A whizzing by Soobin’s left ear alerted him that something was flying his way, and he spun quickly to see it was a math textbook, aimed right at his head. He knew ducking wouldn’t help, as Yeonjun was controlling the object and could make it follow Soobin, so he held up his hands and formed a thick wall of ice to block it.
Yeonjun was undeterred though, and rounded the wall, gathering more random items from his and Soobin’s bags and sending them Soobin’s way in an attempt to—to what? Harm him? Soobin was shocked at the turn of events and the fact that Yeonjun was actively using his powers against him.
He continued to dodge the flying objects by blowing them away with gusts of wind, conjuring butterflies that swarmed Yeonjun and made it impossible for him to maintain control, and even creating a floor of ice so the elder lost his footing and was again unable to focus.
But the barrages didn’t stop, and Soobin couldn’t get a word in edgewise. It was upsetting for him, extremely so, and his emotions were going to get the best of him and his powers if he didn’t do something to stop Yeonjun. He couldn’t lose complete control of his powers, not in this situation.
Not when doing so could potentially result in Yeonjun’s mortal harm.
Yeah, Soobin hadn’t exactly gotten around to telling Yeonjun about that aspect of his powers. He hadn’t really told anyone, save for his counsellors and the dean of his department. Not even his friends knew of his true capabilities. Because Soobin himself wished he didn’t know.
“Hyung!” he cried out through the chaos, holding his hands up in surrender. “Stop!”
A few books hit his side and head painfully, but Yeonjun at least appeared to stop. Though he was still glaring daggers at Soobin, breathing heavily with several more objects hovering around him, waiting to be launched Soobin’s way.
Soobin, also breathless, got rid of all the added matter he had conjured to defend himself, and tried his best to look apologetic. “I’m sorry, hyung! I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just lost control,” he desperately tried to explain.
But Yeonjun only laughed, a humourless, dark laugh. “Sure, Soobin,” he sneered. “You know, you didn’t have to try to break my fucking ankle to get me to leave you alone. But message received, I’ll never speak to you ever again from now on.”
Soobin’s heart dropped and the all-consuming guilt and regret he felt hurt more than any physical pain Yeonjun could cause him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I promise! I never want to hurt you, I just—it’s b-better. It’s better if you do stay away from me.”
Yeonjun glared at him for a moment longer, before suddenly all the objects around him dropped to the ground and he crossed his arms again. “Why? Why is it better for me to stay away? What are you not telling me?”
Soobin looked at him, battling himself on whether or not he should be honest with Yeonjun. He kept his distance for a reason, even from his own friends. Held everyone at arms length so they wouldn’t get hurt. He had a good handle on his powers, and he didn’t worry about any accidents happening, but it was harder when he grew close to someone.
When his emotions were harder to control and he had to let his guard down to allow people to grow close to him.
It put that person at risk, at so much risk. Because…because…
“You know my powers, hyung, right?” he asked quietly. Yeonjun scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yes, I know your powers. They’re much stronger than mine, are you worried I’ll get scared or something? Do you think you’re dangerous to me? Just like you can handle yourself, so can I,” he replied.
Soobin sighed, wrapping his arms around himself and willing his tear ducts to stay dry. “I am dangerous to you,” he whispered, pained.
Yeonjun’s icy glare faltered a bit, his brow furrowing in confusion as he tilted his head to the side. “Seriously? That shockwave wasn’t as huge as you thought it was and my ankle is totally fine so I’m not sure why you think--.”
“I can control all organic material, hyung,” Soobin interrupted, dropping his arms. “All organic material,” he repeated with heavy emphasis, hoping Yeonjun could put the pieces together.
He could clearly see the gears turning in the elder’s head, but no sign of understanding. No aha moment. Soobin wilted.
“You’re organic material, hyung. Just like any other human being or animal or insect or plant or anything that has to take in water and sunlight in order to stay alive.”
The words felt foreign as he spoke them to Yeonjun. His biggest secret, his biggest fear, his biggest insecurity. Accidentally hurting another person, because he let his powers get completely out of his control. If Yeonjun thought the spontaneous snowfalls or shockwaves were the worst Soobin could do…then he really was safer keeping his distance.
“Prove it to me. Prove you can control me, too,” Yeonjun’s voice rang out, his eyes steely. Soobin instantly shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself again and backing up. “No, I can’t. I won’t.”
Yeonjun groaned, following him as he retreated. “How do I know you’re not lying? You could be,” he argued. “I’ve never heard of anyone being able to physically control another human being’s movements. What if this is just a lie to get rid of me? Do you really dislike me that much?”
Soobin shook his head, continuing to retreat, desperately wishing he could just disappear from life. Yeonjun was actively provoking him and it was becoming increasingly unsafe, but Soobin wasn’t sure there was anything he could do.
Anything except give Yeonjun what he was asking for. Proof.
“I’m not lying,” he cried, tears spilling over and down his cheeks. “I’ll show you.”
Yeonjun finally halted, crossing his arms and raising a brow at Soobin. Soobin sniffled, before tuning in to the flow of blood through Yeonjun’s body. The elder’s heart was pumping rapidly, matching his flushed cheeks and defensive stance.
Soobin took a deep breath, before pulling Yeonjun’s energy toward him. Automatically, Yeonjun’s legs began to walk him forward against his will. The elder gasped, jaw dropping and eyes widening as he tried to resist the movements but realised quickly he was unable to.
His pupils dilated as he met Soobin’s eyes, and Soobin released his control as soon as Yeonjun was standing in front of him. “Don’t you s-see? This is why you can’t…you shouldn’t get close to me. I can’t put you in danger of me losing it and accidentally hurting you.”
Yeonjun’s gaze was void of all prior emotions, and instead he just looked massively confused.
“You’ve lost control of your powers before, but…it was harmless,” he whispered in disbelief. He was likely trying to process everything, all the overwhelming emotions and peaks and valleys the both of them were experiencing simultaneously.
Soobin really needed this day to be over.
“I have to feel something really strongly to risk my powers manifesting in the way I just showed you. But it doesn’t matter,” he replied. “I don’t get close to people for a reason, Yeonjun-hyung, or at least not close enough to be vulnerable. I could kill someone…by complete accident.”
He expected Yeonjun to agree with him. To agree that it was too dangerous to be his friend and he was better off staying away. Hell, he half-expected the elder to go and warn everyone on campus to keep their distance from the element manipulator who could take over human bodies if he wanted to.
It’s what Soobin’s heard all his life. It’s why he moved cities every couple of years. It’s why none of his friends stayed his friends for long. Eventually, he had to leave them behind. He couldn’t risk real relationships anywhere.
And it was fine. He had learned to live with it. Learned to live with being nomadic and never having a solid support system. He managed.
But Yeonjun was the first person who was actively trying to break Soobin’s boundaries down and wriggle his way into meaning something to him, and that’s how they arrived here. That’s why Soobin had to cut him off.
“So what? You’re just going to drop me and move on like I don’t even matter? Like our friendship doesn’t even matter?” Yeonjun accused, the anger back in his eyes, but tinged with hurt this time.
Soobin felt awful, but he didn’t understand why Yeonjun didn’t get it. Why he didn’t want to leave. Everyone else would’ve by now.
“Hyung, do you even want to be my friend? You only started spending time with me after the party because, what? You feel responsible for me? You said it yourself that you originally started because you wanted to protect me. You can see that I don’t need your protection, so why are you still here? I’m dangerous, whether I want to be or not, and I can’t bear the thought of hurting you. It kills me just to think about it.”
By the end of his rant, Yeonjun’s expression had lost its anger again and his eyes were shining. He was looking at Soobin as if he knew something Soobin didn’t. And then he held out his hand.
“Come on, we’re finishing this conversation in private,” he said. “And I won’t take no for an answer, so hurry up.”
Soobin believed him, and despite his brain telling him it was a bad idea, he took Yeonjun’s hand, picked up his discarded backpack, and let the elder pull them to his apartment. Their things that Yeonjun had flung at Soobin floated behind them, following them as they walked.
When they arrived at the apartment, along with all their belongings, Yeonjun made Soobin sit on the couch and levelled him with a serious look. Soobin gulped, but promised himself he’d let Yeonjun speak. He’d hear him out. He clearly wasn’t okay with Soobin leaving him, despite knowing the truth.
“I’ve noticed you since your first day here when you made the dead cherry blossom tree bloom again,” he began, and Soobin felt his cheeks heat up instantly. “I thought your powers were so cool, so versatile, and I wanted to be your friend because of them,” he continued. “But then I kept seeing you around, spending time with Beomgyu and Taehyun, and I realised that you were so sweet and kindhearted, and clumsy in the cutest way. You were always curious about your surroundings and I always hoped that one day, while you were looking around, you’d see me. You’d see me and I’d smile and introduce myself and then we’d become friends.”
Yeonjun smiled a little then, reaching out and taking Soobin’s hand in his. His palm was warm, and he gripped Soobin’s fingers tightly.
“But when I realised how shy you were, I knew I had to be the one to approach you. And so I did, that day when I compared you to the Avatar. And I was so excited when we kept running into each other, and then the party happened. And your friends spilled the beans on my feelings for you, which…I’m sure you’ve put it together by now but I’ve felt them for way longer than six months.”
He took a deep breath, and Soobin felt like his heart was going to fly out of his chest. Where exactly was Yeonjun going with this?
“I protected you at the party because I couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt. My own powers manifested in a way that I didn’t think I was capable of either, and it scared me. It still scares me, to be honest, because I shouldn’t have been able to do that.”
Yeonjun lifted his head then, eyes meeting Soobin’s, and Soobin saw his own fear reflected back to him. The fear of not knowing one’s own strength. One’s own abilities.
Soobin hadn’t met someone else who had that same fear, ever. Not until right in this very moment.
“But you understand that. You know what it’s like,” the elder continued. “When you made me walk to you, the confusion I showed wasn’t directed at you, it was at myself. Because I did that. I shoved Heeseung using just my mind.”
Yeonjun took Soobin’s other hand in his own.
“I do want to be your friend. I want to be more than your friend. And I want you to teach me how you do it, how you control your powers so you don’t hurt others. I feel like I was meant to find you, like you were the answer to a question I didn’t even know to ask. Please don’t make me stop seeing you. Please don’t make me leave.”
There was enough silence that Soobin figured he was done. And while he felt like he needed years to really process all that was happening, he was still able to provide a response.
“What if I hurt you? Hyung, what if I really hurt you, by accident?” he whispered.
Yeonjun shook his head, moving to rest their foreheads together, eyes falling shut. “You won’t. I trust you. I need you to trust yourself.”
Soobin whimpered, pulling Yeonjun into his arms and enveloping him in a suffocating hug. “It’s going to be difficult, hyung, I’m going to be s-so difficult to deal with,” he murmured, a few tears leaking out of his eyes as Yeonjun hugged him back.
“I’ll be by your side the entire time. It’s going to be hard, so fucking hard, but you don’t have to be alone anymore. Neither of us do.”
Soobin nodded, wiping his eyes on Yeonjun’s sleeve before pulling away enough to look at him properly. “I’m sorry about your ankle,” he whispered, guilt coursing through him again.
Yeonjun shook his head, cupping Soobin’s cheek. “It was an accident. I’m the one who retaliated without listening. I’m sorry, too.”
They both looked at each other for a moment longer, before Yeonjun leaned in and pressed the softest kiss to Soobin’s cheek. “We’ll talk more after we’ve decompressed. I’ll cook something for dinner, you go take a shower and try to relax, alright?”
Soobin nodded, but didn’t move, keeping his eyes on Yeonjun. He could feel it. The start of a new chapter, an unexplored horizon in the distance. Maybe Yeonjun was right. Maybe Soobin didn’t have to be alone anymore. Maybe he had learned enough self control to let down some of his boundaries.
Maybe even enough to help Yeonjun build up his own.