Chapter Text
Two months ago, the Head Boy and Girl rounds around the empty Hogwarts corridors would have been mostly silent. Maybe the silence would have been interrupted by the Head Boy trying to make conversation; maybe some days a small chat about homework or mutual friends would flow. But two months ago, in September, the Head Boy and Girl were nowhere close to being friends. The Head Boy, James, would have loved to say that they were friends (“Or at least friendly”); but the Head Girl, Lily, would vehemently deny this allegation.
However, that was two months ago, and this is now. If a stray or rebellious student had been out walking the corridors on Thursday nights during the Head Boy and Girl rounds; they would have heard laughter, jokes, questions answered with passionate rants and silences that didn’t quite feel as awkward.
It had taken seven years of unrequited pining, some lectures on how to not be overbearing, and only two months of rounds together. But, now, both students would agree that there was something there. Perhaps a friendship had blossomed.
~~~
“So, then Sirius said he would try to find a counterspell but by then it was too late”, the corridors remained empty as James explained exactly why his glasses now had a pink rim.
“And that’s how you ended up with pink glasses”, Lily finished behind a smile, “Good to know not to leave my belongings where Sirius can find them”.
“You should have known that already”, James bumped his shoulder into hers. “Anyways I think it’s a good look, right?”
Lily looked back to find James standing in the middle of the corridor, wiggling his eyebrows with a smirk on his face. Pink glasses moving along. She couldn’t help but laugh.
“Sure”, she said as she continued walking, “If you are into that sort of thing”.
James let out a bark of laughter and continued walking behind her.
James wouldn’t ever admit it, his friends would probably make fun of him and Lily would be too freaked out; but this right here, spending his Thursday nights walking around Hogwarts with her, was one of his favourite moments this year.
There was so much pressure these days, between worrying about NEWTS, the future, not to mention the war, and getting to walk around with her; talking about nothing and everything, gave him a comfort that he wouldn’t be able to explain.
Sometimes, like today, they would just laugh, and joke around. But there were other days, days where it all got to be a little bit too much. James was well aware that they were both lucky enough to have friends, a family really, that they could go to if anything was wrong. The girls would always be there for Lily, and the Marauders wouldn’t even let James finish his sentence before they were rushing in to help.
But sometimes they need something different. James doesn’t know if it’s the darkness of the corridors, if it’s the way that it feels like they are the only two people in the castle, but there are things that they can say here, that they don’t say anywhere else.
James can complain to Lily, which is new. He’s always been a glass-half-full kind of guy. But one Thursday, a few weeks ago, Quidditch practice was a mess, it was like everyone was on a different wavelength. And he hadn’t finished his Transfiguration essay, and Sirius and Remus had been having an argument, and his father had sent him some newspaper clippings talking about the war, and, and, and-
It all got to be too much for him and he just exploded. Lily had asked how he thought Gryffindor would do in the match against Ravenclaw on Sunday, and that had been enough. He spent almost 20 minutes just talking, complaining, and ranting. And Lily just nodded along; she let him talk about Quidditch strategies and plays as if she understood any of it and, by the end of the rounds, he realized that she hadn’t really said much of anything. But he hadn’t felt as light in a long time.
He always tried to return the favour, tried to listen. Lily was a lot more reserved. He knew she had a lot going on, even more stakes in the war than he did, but she rarely let on. She would always just smile, talk about her day, about what her friends were up to, about some homework they had both been assigned.
She rarely broke down, except once. One Thursday, she got to the common room to start their rounds and he could tell almost immediately that she had been crying. Her eyes were red as was her nose, and she kept sniffing every once in a while. James didn’t know what to do. Did he ignore it? Confront her about it? In the end, he decided to try to make her laugh. He started on a long, convoluted tale about a prank the Marauders had done in 3rd year that had gone wrong.
After a few laughs, she had let out a sigh. “My sister is getting married” She had whispered. And the way she looked, so heartbroken, so small. James wanted to hug her but he didn’t know how that would be received, so he didn’t. He was more careful about things like that these days.
“She said she doesn’t want me to be one of her bridesmaids”, Lily continued, fiddling with her fingers, “That I’m too much of a freak”
James felt anger boiling inside of him. The same type of anger he felt when he read one of the letters Sirius’ parents used to send him. Or when he found an article talking about werewolves in the Daily Prophet.
“Well, fuck her then”, James said shortly. And Lily’s head had quickly whipped up to look at him. Shocked.
“Wh-what?”
“She’s an idiot if she doesn’t want you to be around her all the time,” he explained, “Listen, I know what having shitty family members can do to a person, trust me.,” he continued, looking at her in the eye, they were so green, “And you don’t deserve that, Lily. I mean it”.
Lily had nodded, a small tear falling down her cheek. And he had dared to reach out and wipe the tear away.
“Also, you are not a freak”, he said with a smile, “Freakishly smart maybe. But not a freak”.
Lily had giggled, and they had continued on their rounds. Both were lighter, both smiling secretly at the ground.
And now, today, they were both content to just walk with each other. Today was an easy day, with no burdens, no rants, just jokes and some teasing.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Lily cleared her throat, as if she was trying to get his attention. As if she didn’t have it any time she was around.
“So,” she started, “Should I be worried about any maraudering over the weekend?”
“Ah, you know I can’t tell you that, Evans”, James shrugged, “No fraternizing with the enemy”.
“And I’m the enemy in this scenario?”
“Well, not the enemy per se”, James stated, “It’s more the institution that you represent.”
Lily rolled her eyes at him, and he smiled.
“What institution would that be?”
“You know…” He started looking back at her. “You are Head Girl”
Lily raised her eyebrows, looking down at his chest, where his Head Boy pin rested. James followed her gaze and looked down. He smiled.
“Ah, I’m not Head Boy on the weekends,” he explained, “Me and Minnie have an understanding”
“Does the understating involve her not knowing that you call her ‘Minnie’?”
“That is a crucial element, yes” James said trying to control his smile, “She knows that it’s stressful to me to have to restrain Sirius all the time. So, she lets me relax on the weekends”
“And Sirius during the week?” Lily started, “That’s him practising restraint?”
“Listen, I’m doing my best”, James defended himself, “Sirius is a free spirit, there’s only so much I can do”
“And you helping him with the pranks he does during the week is...what? Undercover work?”
James laughed lightly, “Well, I’m also a free spirit. Hence, the free weekends”
“Ah”
“So, any information I may or may not have about weekend plans, you will have to pry from my cold dead hands,” James continued.
“I like that you think that the boys would continue their pranks even if you died right now”
James found himself laughing loudly, unabashedly. Sometimes Lily would make a joke or a snarky comment, and he would feel like he was 11 again. So convinced that this was the only girl for him. His soulmate, if there was ever such a thing. He would quickly recover, and compose himself. He and Lily were friends now, close friends even. And these moments, he couldn’t risk it over a fantasy.
“But, I’m sorry, just to be clear”, Lily started once again, hurrying her steps to stand in front of James, making him stop and look down at her. “Do you have anything planned for this Hogsmeade visit?”
If James noticed a redder tint to her face, he didn’t say. Instead, he just smiled, that soft, comforting smile.
“Don’t worry,” he grabbed her shoulders, to be reassuring, “Sirius and Remus have a whole date planned and I am not allowed to participate. Believe me, I asked”
“And Peter?”
“Pete and I will be enjoying some butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks and then seeing where the afternoon takes us.” He started walking, his arm around her shoulders. “You know I’m nothing if not spontaneous”.
Lily sighed and continued on their walk. Not bothering to move his arm from around her.
“What about you?” James said after a beat.
Lily quickly looked up at him, “What about me?”
“Any fun activities planned for Hogsmeade? Maybe buying some quills, finding some books? So thrilling”
Lily swatted at his chest with the book she was carrying.
“Ha ha, you’re hilarious,” She said, completely deadpan, “If you must know, me and the girls are just going down to a few shops to get some nail polish and this hair cream that Mary likes. And then Mary has to leave us for a date.”
“Who’s she dating now?”
“Jordan Medlar”
“Ah, great beater”
“Do you only value people based on their quidditch skills?” Lily asked in between giggles.
“What? Of course, not” James replied, pausing his walk and putting a hand to his chest as if he had been betrayed, “I’ll have you know that Moony is my absolute bestest friend and he couldn’t tell a Quaffler from a Bludger if his life depended on it”
“If Remus is your bestest friend then what’s Sirius?” Lily asked raising her eyebrows at him and crossing her arms.
“Well,” James started and frowned as if he was offended that Lily even had to ask, “He’s my brother”
“Ah,” sighed Lily, with a smile on her face, “And Peter?”
James smirked, “The light of my life”
“Of course”, said Lily rolling her eyes.
James smiled down at her, “Anyways, so it’s just you and Marlene, then?”
“It seems like it,” Lily continued walking, James followed and this time, his arm didn’t go around her shoulder, “Although she said something about getting back to the castle early to finish some Muggle Studies essay so it might be just me for the rest of the afternoon”.
“Well, we can’t have that,” they were now getting closer to the Gryffindor common room, the portrait that acted as an entrance was just a few feet away, “You’ll have to join me and Pete”
“Oh, I’ll have to?” She teased, walking past him into the empty common room, everyone already in their dorms getting ready for bed.
“Of course,” James replied, “Keep your enemies closer, right?”
He winked at her and walked towards the stairs, looking back one last time. He found her smiling at him.
“Goodnight, Evans”
“Goodnight, Potter”
~~~
James walked into his dorm, already halfway through removing his tie. Inside the dorm he found the usual sights for a Thursday night; there was a record playing softly, not loud enough as to disturb the other dorms but loud enough to be heard by them.
On one bed, the one closest to the door, Peter was lying on his stomach, some parchment in front of him and a quill in his hand. He was scribbling furiously what was, no doubt, tomorrow’s homework. When James walked in, Peter looked up and smiled with a grimace.
“Moony are you sure you can’t just let me look at your essay?”, Peter asked through a whine, “I am literally begging you”.
“I could, Wormy but then, how would you learn?”, Remus was laying in his own bed, reading a book and already wearing his pyjamas, ready for bed. He looked up from his book to smirk at James, “Also, where is this literal begging you are speaking of? You’ve barely even said please”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” Peter started indignantly, “Get on my knees?”
“If anyone’s getting on their knees for Moony, it’s going to be me Pettigrew, back off”, Sirius said as he emerged from the bathroom; hair wet and still dripping from his shower. He winked at Remus who rolled his eyes and got up to find his essay. He walked over to Peter’s bed and gave it to him.
Peter let out a sigh of relief and clutched the piece of parchment to his chest as if it were a lifeline. “Moony, thank you so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you.”
“Some peace and quiet might be nice”
“Well, now you are just being ridiculous”, Sirius interrupted, now laying down in Remus’ bed.
James laughed quietly to himself, as he set down his uniform for the next day. He liked to be organized; he would be getting up first to exercise some before coming back up to wake the others; first Peter, then Sirius. Sirius would wake Remus, or try to anyway.
“Hey, Prongsy. How did it go with the missus?”
James rolled his eyes. Sirius had taken to calling Lily “the missus” ever since James and Lily started getting closer.
“It went well, same as always I s’pose”, he shrugged and got into bed.
“Ah, so nothing below the waist?”
“Pads, don’t be gross”, Remus chastised from his place lying next to Sirius. His arm around Sirius’ shoulders. James rolled his eyes again; they would get stuck like that if he kept spending so much time with Sirius.
“I’m not being gross”, Sirius defended, “I just want to know how much longer will this thing take. Even we didn’t take that long”
“You were friends for like five years before you ever even kissed”, James pointed out indignantly.
“Yes, but it’s not the same”, Peter added, blatantly copying Remus’ essay.
“Why is it not the same, Wormtail?”, James asked with a frown on his face, trying to convey his disappointment.
Peter stuttered and Remus who never seemed to be in the mood for a discussion about his rights to be ‘Just like anyone else, Pete. Honestly, you sound like a Slytherin when you say things like that” shared a look with Sirius and quickly interrupted, “Well, I’m a werewolf”
“And I’m incredibly prejudiced”, Sirius added, nodding his head along. “So, you see, it took some time for me to accept that I could love a half-beast like Moony”.
“I’ll give you half-beast”, Remus said through clenched teeth, pushing Sirius out of his bed and making him fall to the ground.
“Ouch,” Sirius said from his spot on the floor, “See, Prongs? You can never be too sure with creatures like this. Five years was the minimum time required for him to gain my trust”.
Sirius and Remus looked at each other then, after a beat, they completely burst into laughter. Remus held out his hand for Sirius to take and Sirius quickly got up and back in bed. Not without first giving Remus a peck on the lips.
“Wanker,” he said as he settled down next to Remus.
“Tosser”, Remus replied, hugging Sirius closer.
James rolled his eyes, hiding a smile. Soulmates, he thought to himself. He wouldn’t ever say it out loud; Sirius would find it hilarious; Remus might vomit. He was about to turn around, close his curtains and go to bed when he remembered.
“Actually,” he started, getting all of his friends’ attention, “Lily might be joining us for a bit in Hogsmeade, Pete”.
“What?”, Peter asked, in shock.
“She said she might be alone for some time in the afternoon,” James explained, “So I told her she could join us”.
Immediately after he finished this sentence, James got hit rather harshly with a pillow to the face. He didn’t even need to turn to see who it was.
“What the fuck, Sirius?”
“Are you telling me,” Sirius started, getting back up and walking over to James’ bed, “That Evans told you that she was going to be alone in Hogsmeade and you invited her to hang out with you and Wormtail?
“I’m feeling slightly offended here”, Peter exclaimed from his spot on his bed.
“Oh no, Wormy” Sirius reassured him, still looking at James, “You are not the issue here. James, are you stupid?”
“I’d like to think I’m rather smart actually”
“Right,” Sirius nodded along, “you are smart, Prongs. So would you care to explain to me, why exactly didn’t you ask Lily to hang out, alone?
“Well, that could be misinterpreted”, James was genuinely puzzled, sometimes trying to keep up with Sirius was a task. “I didn’t want her to think I was asking her out again”.
“Why the hell not?” Sirius threw his hands up, exasperated.
“Um, maybe because she’s not interested, Padfoot. As she has told me, repeatedly, at least 10 times”
“That was ages ago”, Sirius argued.
“Last year,” Remus added, still in bed and looking about ready to be done with this conversation.
“Right, last year”, Sirius turned to back to James, “Mate, she was clearly trying to get you to ask her to Hogsmeade”
“What? No, she wasn’t”, James tried to think back on the conversation and couldn’t really tell anymore, it was too late for this, “Was she?”
“I vote yes,” Sirius raised his hand, “Moons? Wormy?”
“I’m not getting involved in this,” Remus added, already turning in his bed and closing his eyes.
“I mean, maybe?” Peter tried a shaky note to his voice.
“Try it with a little more conviction, Pete”, Sirius sighed, “I’m telling you, Prongs. This is your window. Why don’t you ask her tomorrow?”
James, who had been dazed and thinking back on every small interaction he had had with Lily for the past 24 hours, shook his head. He reminded himself, it was too big a risk. To ask out Lily, to be rejected. And for what? To prove Sirius wrong? So not worth it.
“Nah, Pads”, he said, “We have a good thing going right now, me and Evans. We’re friends, you know”.
“Friends?”, Sirius repeated as if the very idea of friendship with Lily was offensive to him.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to risk it and make her uncomfortable around me again”, he shrugged his shoulders.
Sirius sighed, looked down and started to head back to Remus’ bed, “Whatever you say, mate. Don’t say I didn’t warn you”.
With that, Sirius laid down and closed the curtains. James could hear the beginning of a conversation between him and Remus but it was quickly muffled by a silencing spell. James turned out the dorm’s lights and got under the covers.
“Goodnight, Wormy”, he said finally closing his eyes.
“Night, James”.
~~~
If there was one thing James loved, it was a Saturday afternoon in the Three Broomsticks. He loved to sit back at his usual table, by the window in the back, with his friends. He loved to watch as people came in and out, as they greeted all their friends and as laughter filled the room. His favourite game that he and Sirius played was when they would look over at tables that were clearly going through a first date and rate how it was going; they would sometimes make up the conversation, at least until Remus begged them to stop.
But this afternoon, it was just Peter with James at their table. They were both drinking some butterbeer, sharing some candy they had bought earlier in the day, and just talking.
James loved talking to Peter. Sometimes, when it was the four of them, Peter could get drowned out, lost. But James always tried to listen. Peter was, like, effortlessly funny. He was a good listener too, and a great gossip. He always seemed to know everybody’s secrets. However, as often happened between friends who spent every waking hour together, there were only so many things they could talk about that the other didn’t know. So, their conversation had evolved into a convoluted game of Would you rather.
“Okay, I have one,” James said, sitting up straight, “Would you rather drown in the lake or fall from the divination tower?”
Peter looked up, seriously considering his answer, “Fall from the divination tower. Maybe I won’t die”
James nodded and started unwrapping another chocolate bar. Splitting it in half and handing part of it to Peter.
“Would you rather,” Peter started, making a pause to bite into the chocolate bar, “go on a date with Padfoot or Moony?”
“Well, Padfoot is like my brother so I think that might be frowned upon”, James explained, “So, Moony”
“I don’t know how Moony would feel about you choosing him as a last resort”, Peter added
James laughed, “Well if I was into blokes, I would 100% shag Moony. How’s that?”
“Much better,” Peter nodded along.
“Well, would you rather- “, James started but was quickly interrupted by Lily Evans, stopping at their table and staring at them. James had to do a double take. He looked at Peter to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating. Why would Lily approach him? Here? Outside of their precious Thursdays?
“Hey,” She said softly, “I thought I might find you here.”
“You were looking for me?”, James stuttered. Peter kept looking between them as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Um, you said I could join you and Pete?” Her voice went up at the end as if she wasn’t sure, “I hope that’s okay”.
“No, no”, James started, then stopped, “I mean, yes. Of course. More than okay”.
“Smooth”, Peter murmured, James kicked him under the table.
Peter got up and let Lily slide into the booth, sitting back down next to her. James was freaking out. Speaking to each other in the darkness, when no one was around when there were no expectations, was one thing. This, was different. Oh god, he thought, was this a date? It couldn’t be, Peter was there. And, after all, he had said that she could join them. He had just assumed that she would never, but maybe that was his mistake.
“So, how was your day?” James asked, Peter laughed softly behind his glass.
“It was good,” Lily nodded, “We found everything we were looking for”.
“Great”, James said.
“Yeah”
An awkward silence settled over the three of them. Lucky, or maybe unlucky, for James, Peter couldn’t stand awkward silences.
“Lily,” Peter began, turning to look at her, “Would you rather go out with Sirius or Remus?”
“Wormtail”, James hissed. Peter looked back at him confused but Lily, seemingly startled at first, giggled.
“Well, Remus I guess”, She answered easily.
“I said the same thing”, blurted out James.
“You said I would go out with Remus?” Lily asked confused
“No, I said I would”, James explained.
“Huh”, Lily let out a small sound of surprise, “I figured you would have chosen Sirius”
“No, I think you’d find Moony to be a much more tender lover”
Both Lily and Peter looked at James with puzzled looks on their faces. Peter tried to hide a chuckle.
“I mean, I would imagine,” he quickly explained, “Not that I’ve ever imagined but, you know, knowing Sirius and all”.
“Right,” Lily said, sounding unsure.
Peter, suddenly slapped his hand on the table, making both of them startle.
“Well, this has been fun,” Peter exclaimed, standing up, “But I promised Emmeline that I would teach her some chess, so I’ll see you back at the castle”.
And with that, Peter grabbed his belongings and left. “Little rat,” James murmured under his breath.
“What was that?”
“Oh nothing”
And again, awkward silence. James didn’t understand why it was so easy to talk to Lily inside Hogwarts but here, just a few miles away, it seemed impossible. Their friendship had grown slowly, and carefully, James had to learn to listen and had to remove Lily from a pedestal that wasn’t fair to either of them. Lily had to learn to give second chances, to look at someone with an open mind and know that they had changed.
Sirius’ words kept ringing in James’ head; had Lily wanted him to ask her to Hogsmeade? Why now? He would have loved to be brave enough to ask, to get it out of the way and be done with it. After all, he had asked her out countless times, with over-the-top and ridiculous gestures; but now, just them, sitting on a quiet table on a sunny afternoon. It seemed so scary to ask, to put himself out there, to be rejected. Not when he had worked so hard to build something real, a real friendship. He knew he could count on Lily to help, and he hoped that she knew he was always there for her. So maybe that’s why, maybe at some point, among the walks, that became more important than fulfilling a childhood fantasy. Maybe that’s why he says nothing.
“So did you buy anything?”, Lily asked, interrupting his train of thought, looking down at the bags he had next to him in the booth.
“Oh, nothing much,” he explained, “Just a gift for Davey, from second year. It’s his birthday this week, we all pitched in with the team.”
“That’s sweet”, Lily cooed, “What did you get him?”
“Well, the rest of the team suggested we buy him some fire whisky, as a treat”, James started, cautiously, “But I thought that might be too much for a 13th birthday. We got him some candy”
“Wow,” Lily smiled, “That was really mature of you, James”.
“There’s no need to be rude, Lily”, he joked. Lily laughed, his favourite sound.
James looked down at the table and frowned, “Oh, I didn’t ask,” he started, “Do you want anything to drink? I can get you a butterbeer.
He started to stand up, but she stopped him, grabbing onto his arm.
“No, don’t worry,” She said, “I’ll go. Be right back”.
“Okay”, he smiled and sat back down. So maybe, not a date if she was going up to buy her own drink. Was that sexist?He’d have to ask Marlene.
He watched her walk all the way to the bar, where she raised her hand to call for Madame Rosmerta. A few minutes went by as she waited, James got distracted and started to play with a napkin he found on the table, trying to get it into his now-empty glass.
Suddenly, he looked up only to find that Lily was no longer alone at the bar. Instead, next to her and talking hurriedly and, frankly, way too close, was Severus Snape. James couldn’t really make out what her expression was, but she seemed to be talking back just as harshly. At some point, Snape turned his head to look at the table where James was. He started to stand up, might as well join them. But Lily locked eyes with him and subtly shook her head. He sighed and sat back down.
After another few minutes, Lily started walking back to the table. Empty-handed.
“I’m sorry, James,” She said, a slight edge to her voice, “I have to go, thanks for keeping me company”
James looked up at her, confused. She looked slightly shaken, but she smiled. James knew, from Thursdays, to follow her lead. If she wanted to talk about something she would, but if she didn’t, James would pretend he didn’t notice anything wrong.
“Sure, Lils,” He smiled back, “Anytime.”
With that, Lily nodded, grabbed her things and walked out. Leaving James sitting there, confused and alone.
~~~
James could only stand loneliness for so long. He thought maybe that was something to explore, but the only moment where he truly enjoyed being by himself was on his morning runs. And even then, the commentary on his mind might as well have been another friend.
So, after 10 minutes which felt like hours sitting by himself, he decided to go explore. It was almost 3 pm, surely, he had given Sirius and Remus enough time for their date and would be allowed to join them now.
He quickly left and was walking through the main street, trying to see if he could spot Moony’s lanky frame or Sirius’ hair when, suddenly, he bumped into something. Or rather, he realized as he looked down, someone.
It was Inez Goldfinch. A sixth-year Ravenclaw, James was pretty sure. She had been the victim of James’ distractedness and had, as a result, fallen to the floor.
“Merlin, I’m so sorry,” He said as he bent down to try to help her get up, “I wasn’t looking where I was going. Totally my fault.”
Inez grabbed onto his hand and got up, smiling up at him.
“Oh, it’s no bother”, she said still holding onto his hand, “Happens to the best of us”.
James smiled, politely. Why was she still holding his hand? Why was she smiling like that?
“I’m Inez,” she said, finally moving their hands. This time up and down.
“Oh, I know”
“You know?” She smiled again, why so much smiling as if James knowing her name was a great personal victory.
“Yeah, you’ve been to a few of my parents’ dinners, right?” James recalled, finally being able to tell why she looked so much more familiar than other students. Her smile slipped a bit, “I’m James”
“I know, the great Quidditch captain,” she replied, “I do hope you are less clumsy on your broom, James”
“Ha, that might be the only place where I’m not clumsy”
James looked over her shoulder, finally dropping her hand. He tried to see, once again, if he could spot one of his friends. He heard a small cough and looked down to find Inez looking at him, expectantly.
“Um, I hope you weren’t hurt, Inez,” he started, “I’m truly sorry”.
“Oh, it’s quite alright”, she said, “I’m just going to pop back into the bookshop, and see if they might replace this one. Since it got damaged in the fall”
Well, it wouldn’t hurt to look for Moony and Padfoot in the bookstore, they were certainly more likely to be there than Madame Pudifoot’s.
“I’ll go with you,” James volunteered, earning a surprised smile from Inez, “It’s the least I can do”.
“Well, that’s so kind, James,” Inez didn’t waste any time. She grabbed onto James’ arm and started leading him into the bookstore a few yards away.
James felt slightly uncomfortable, but he also felt guilty about making Inez fall so he tried to keep up with her conversation. She kept asking him what he had done and what he would do. She asked about the upcoming match against Slytherin and “Will you hold a party if you win, James? James tried to keep up, he really did. But Inez talked more than any other person he had ever met.
After a few, long, minutes, they made it into the shop. Almost immediately Inez made a beeline for the cashier; no doubt to ask about an exchange.
James decided to head for the sports section, looking around to see if he could spot his friends.
He concentrated on looking at a book about the history of the Quidditch World Cup. When he felt someone staring at him. He quickly turned around.
“Are you following us?”, It was Sirius, leaning against the bookshelf, Remus a few steps behind, head inside a book.
“What?” James asked, “Of course not. Why would I be following you?”
“Who knows? My dashing good looks, my wonderful personality. I have a lot of admirers,” He turned to look at Remus, “Don’t I, Moons?”
Remus didn’t lift his gaze from a book, “Mhm”, he expressed.
“Clearly,” James said sarcastically.
“He loves me, really”, Sirius brushed it off with a wave of his hand, “But really, what are you doing here, Jamie?”
“I was just- “, he started, but he never got to finish because at that moment, he felt another presence. This one grabbed onto his arm, and he didn’t have to look down to realize it was Inez.
“He’s with me”, she said confidently, Sirius shot James a confused look. Remus finally looked up from his book, intrigued, “He offered to bring me to the bookstore. Didn’t you, Jamie?”
“Jamie?”, Sirius whispered bewildered at her use of the nickname, looking back at Remus who shrugged.
“Um, yes”, James explained, he shot Sirius a look. Sometimes his mother said that he and Sirius behaved like twins. They could read each other’s minds. They would both laugh and dismiss her; Sirius had a complicated relationship with Legilimency because of his parents, but even he couldn’t deny that he and James sometimes ran on the same wavelength. They communicated with just one look. “I bumped into Inez, and her book was ruined. So, I offered to bring her here to replace it”.
“Right,” Sirius said, not taking his eyes off of James. Inez kept looking between them, a frown on her face as if she didn’t fully understand what was happening. “Well, I and Moony were just about to head back to the castle to finish that essay”
Sirius looked back at Remus. Remus looked between him and James and sighed.
“Yes, the Defense essay,” Remus continued, always quick on the uptake, “Did you ever finish it, James?”
“You know what, Moony,” James started, “I don’t think I did.”
He looked down at Inez, still holding onto his arm, now looking slightly more disappointed.
“I might have to go back to the castle with them, Inez” James said, subtly detangling his arm from hers. She looked down at her shoes.
And James was almost free from this weird situation, almost able to go back to the castle with his friends, relax for the rest of the afternoon. Or maybe they really did have a Defense essay, he would have to ask Moony. But he looked at Inez, and he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t leave her disappointed, “You are welcome to walk back with us,” he said.
Inez smiled, grabbed onto his arm once again and agreed. She started pulling him out of the bookstore. James looked back at his friends; they were walking along behind him. They shrugged their shoulders and James offered them an apologetic smile for ruining their date.
~~~
When Lily Evans was 11, she met a boy. This boy was annoying; he was part of a world she was only just starting to know and, yet, he had known it all his life. For the first few days of her Hogwarts career, Lily was in awe of everything around her. The portraits were alive, the stairs moved, and there were real ghosts.
But there was one thing, or rather one person, that Lily Evans remained unimpressed by; and she would continue to remain unimpressed by for many years to come. This person was James Potter.
James Potter seemed to know everything there was to know about the wizarding world and he was not shy, not afraid to show it. He would arrogantly answer every question in class and try to explain everything to the other students. He would crack jokes that would make it hard to focus, and he was able to not pay any attention to a class, and still get high marks.
Lily truly disliked him. Hate, however, was a strong word. She didn’t want to use it lightly and she only started to truly hate James Potter when he decided to make her the butt of his joke.
Sometime in 3rd year, James Potter decided to announce rather loudly and at any given opportunity, that he was in love with her. She found it completely mortifying, her face would turn red and she would feel utterly embarrassed. She hated him. He was selfish, arrogant and annoying.
When Lily Evans was 17, she got to know this boy. Over the past few years, she had gotten to see glimpses. She had come to doubt her own theory. How could someone who took notes for his friend when he was unable to attend class once a month be selfish? How could someone who stopped everything he was doing to show a first year the best way to a classroom be arrogant? How could someone who made her laugh when all she wanted to do was cry be annoying?
She now knew that James Potter was good. He was protective of his friends; he was caring and kind. Over the past few months, Lily had come to care a great deal for James. She truly thought she knew him. And she had dared hope that maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t too late. Their brief chat on Saturday had left her feeling hopeful, maybe something could grow there, between them. Snape, however, quickly ruined any chance of her spending more time with James with his sour mood. He had wanted to talk about their friendship. As their parents were friends, Snape was invited to his sister’s wedding and he had wanted to ask Lily if she would avoid talking about their falling out. Essentially, she was asking Lily to lie to her family, to pretend that Snape was still her friend, that he didn’t break her heart every time she looked at him across the Great Hall.
Snape certainly put a stop to her good mood on Saturday, but it wasn’t until Monday morning that her hopes for anything happening with James came crashing down. Lily was sitting at her usual table in the library, during a free period, working on her Arithmancy homework. When she got distracted by a conversation some Ravenclaw girls were having a few tables over.
“He was so charming, too”, one of the girls was gushing, “Kept holding my hand and everything”
“I can’t believe you got to hang out with them,” Another girl replied, “What was Sirius like, Inez?”
Sirius? Surely that couldn’t be. Sirius was many things, and Lily would be the first to say that her initial assessment; that he was arrogant, vain, self-centred, was correct. But if there was something Lily had learned about Sirius Black, was that he was almost unbearably loyal. And he loved Remus, more than anything. So either this girl was lying, or there was more to the story.
“He was okay, we didn’t talk much”, she continued, “He kept talking with Lupin”
“Maybe they wanted to give you both some privacy”, a third girl exclaimed.
“Yeah, maybe James talked to them and asked them to give you space”
Lily’s quill slipped on her paper. James? Her James? Well, he wasn’t hers, really. But what? He was dating? And he didn’t feel the need to mention that once in the past two months?
“Oh, he would totally do that,” the original girl, Inez, gushed, “He was so sweet, so gentlemanly. He walked me to the common room and everything”
“Did he kiss you?”, girl #2 asked. And that was it, Lily stood up. She didn’t need to hear this.
Why would she even care if James decided to go around kissing any random girl that showed up? It wasn’t any of her business. She certainly didn’t have any right to say anything. Did she think that James should have maybe mentioned it once or twice? Yes. Why hadn’t he mentioned it when she asked about his Hogsmeade plans? Was this before or after they met up at the Three Broomsticks?
Lily didn’t care. She didn’t. James could kiss and the date and shag the whole bloody castle for all Lily cared.
She walked away from the library. She looked at the clock. Only twenty more minutes until her next class. Runes, with Remus. She could ask him. He would tell her the truth, not that she cared. But well, maybe she cared a little.
~~~
Runes was one of Lily’s favourite subjects. She found it fascinating, like learning another language. She loved that the class didn’t have as many students because she knew that everyone that was there, truly cared.
This, however, was not the case for Lily on that Monday morning. She couldn’t focus. She kept shaking her leg and twisting her quill.
After a while, Remus took notice. He looked at her, concern written all over his face.
“Hey, Lily,” he said, setting his hand on her knee, “Are you alright?”
“M’fine”, she murmured.
Remus nodded, slowly, and looked back to the front of the class.
“Hey, Rem”
“Yeah?”
“How was your weekend?”
Remus looked confused; a frown settled over his face.
“Um, it was fine, why?” he whispered.
“No reason,” she shrugged, “Did you end up going on that date with Sirius?”
Lily looked back at Remus, he was looking at her intently, as if trying to figure her out. Good luck with that, she didn’t even know what she was doing.
“Well, it wasn’t much of a date. We just spent some time in the Shrieking Shack- “
“How romantic”
Remus let out a small huff of a laugh, “You have no idea”, he said, “Then we just walked around for a bit, got some books, walked back to the castle”.
“Did the two of you walk back alone?”, she asked, feigning innocence.
“Um, no”, Remus answered, slowly, “James was with us.” He looked back at his notes, continuing to write when he said, “And some girl from Ravenclaw he was with. Inez, I think James said”.
“Oh”, Lily exclaimed.
So maybe it was true. Perhaps she was too late. Maybe James had truly moved on and she was nothing but a friend to him. But no. Not even a friend. A friend would have the decency to tell you if they were seeing someone if it was serious enough to introduce her to his best friends.
Maybe she had been kidding herself this whole time. Clearly, James was just being nice. He didn’t really care, she had been a crush, at most and a joke that had gone old at worse. Old news.
“Lil?”, Remus asked again, “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, Remus. Just fine”, she replied.
Fine. If James didn’t want to be friends, then it was back to square one. Back to nothing.