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It's been nearly one year since…he disappeared from Reko Yabusame's life.
Three-hundreds-sixty-four days, fifteen hours, thirty-five minutes, and a couple of seconds since he was arrested with first-degree murder and prosecuted for his crimes.
Twelve months since her heart shattered to a million pieces upon hearing the news, rendering her unable to continue with a band that was formed to commemorate their childhood, shared dream. Even if it began that way before it collapsed all due to miscommunication.
Usually, for an undesired anniversary, she'd slam a Piano Woman glass on the counter, drowning in memories that's almost forgotten— maybe to others, but not to her. Plagued by her brother’s mirages at every turn, Reko is incapable of burying Alice's recollections six feet under like she promised herself that she would do. She told herself that they’re no longer siblings. He dared to shame their family’s name first and foremost and break their future.
…Right?
With an arm around her waist, a head resting on her shoulder, and sympathetic rubs on her back, Ursheen has tried her best to be there for her; unfazed by the tantrums Reko created as soon as she disbanded Samurai Yaiba, she vowed to be there till she no longer needed.
For someone who's been pushed away several times, Ursheen stood her ground like a stronghold, continuously watching over Reko with soft fondness.
To which, for her luck, it melted the walls built around Reko’s enough to ask her return for another band altogether: SkullNutz. Together, they decided to recruit better members— Serious enough to knock Reko back to the stand, shining brightly as ever.
Today though, she feels agitation rustling in her heart.
Undoubtedly, Ursheen must've sensed the edge sealed within with one of her observations… She has always been someone who can read her with ease, almost as if she’s browsing a book with knowledge beforehand. If she decided that talking about it isn’t gonna solve anything, then Ursheen knows her better than she ever thought someone would. For that, there’s a nagging feeling tugging at Reko's heart, ushering her to push forward till her feet could carry her no more. It’s whispering to her ears words so unsightly, barely stirring her to action.
There’s something she needs to do for this anniversary, though. Reko knows that. She recognizes the unfathomable urge to sing lyrics, anything incoherent out of her chest before she writes it down. So, she doesn’t comply, hoping that the feeling will die alongside the bitterness living in her chest. But Ursheen, as usual, foresees what Reko is planning to do and shuts it down gently.
She places a pen and a paper. She smiles, cupping Reko’s cheek gently before she leaves the room for her to think in the lonesome atmosphere. On the corner of the page, there's a written ‘Let your heart sing, Reko. You’re chaining an untamed beast. Nothing good comes from doing that.’ next to a sad doodle version of herself with her tears falling down.
Truly…
Ursheen knows her best.
Detriment, Reko grabs the pen with burning desire.
She needs to write.
Write.
Write.
Till her heart bleeds hard enough to the surface, casting light at her open wound. Even if these words are sung for a man Reko wishes to see once more, it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter anymore…
No tears can stop her from seeing the lines as she swiftly moves her pen, inking impalpable ache only Ursheen can perceive. It’s ugly enough to turn heads away from, but Reko doesn’t care. She can’t afford to care after all this time, counting a day after the other, waiting for a chance to reconcile with Alice.
“Enough.”
She throws the sheet off the table. “Can't d-do it anymore. Fuckin’ can’t!”
She steals a glance at the paper with uneven breath.
She…truly…
She misses him so much.
“Dammit! Fuckin’ dammit all!” And she storms off from the room, shaking.
The lyrics are going to haunt her forever.
I’m caged within the past, praying for your fall amongst the damned
As if I knew you'd come back at any day, with unwelcoming ties to my demise
Yet there is this hope that's tearing me apart.
Telling me to look outside,
Telling me to wait for you unwise,
But you are no longer by my side, you chose to stab me right at my heart
Even if I miss you every night,
Alongside the moon you truly love
I can’t tell you the words you wanna hear
Cuz I’m easily addicted to the way you cry
I can’t miss—
Alice snaps his eyes open, looking around in a frenzy.
This landscape feels unfamiliar—full of shades that blinds him for a second as his eyes adjust gradually to each colour. There is crimson, bleeding ploddingly from the sky, feeding him with terror as he watches the grey clouds dancing in a hurried manner. It’s chilling; his bones are shivering as his skin demands urgent warmth. It’s boiling; his eyes are watering as his cheeks flood with teardrops. It’s darkening; his hands are invisible as his feet root to their place, unmoved.
What’s occurring right now? He wonders, hands clenched. It’s nerve-wracking, everything about this place is pulling the sanity out of his brain.
Where’s he? He ponders, gripping into the tangible wall besides him.
Is he…?
Unexpectedly, Alice smiles, chuckles erupting from his chest. The unchecked lists of meaningless dreams ended now. He can’t be disappointed anymore— it’s done.
It’s over.
He…
He archived one of his dreamless wishes.
Reko can rest now, away from a piece of work which stained her perfect record with red and chains. Perhaps all locked behind a jail cell so far away from her vision, hidden beneath layers of green-eyes monster, laughing at their dismay.
It’s outrageous in the sense he wished he could do more than just be a burden, but he couldn’t be but….liability. A broken record that destroyed her ambition by just existing.
It’s…digging a hole in his chest, opting him to wallow in his self-loathing as if it was a ticking bomb, waiting to be exploded.
“…big…bro.”
It’s faint.
…Like mirage, ready to play tricks on him. Again, there’s a sound of plea, asking him to open his eyes for one last time.
At first, he didn't. He simply flutters his eyelids shut. Numbness is taking over his abdomen, rendering his senses useless. The only way to focus right now is to sharpen his hearing, so he does. He concentrates on sounds, high and low, building pressure against his ears.
“Alice?! Can you hear me?? Alice!”
“No…no…he's d-dead. Big b-bro…”
They’re so heavy, he barely opens his eyelids to red, white, and black. He can’t differentiate between them, and sticks with guessing who’s the person in front of him. Exhausted, he tried to open his mouth, hoping blood wouldn't clot his throat that much.
All he can manage is to mouth ‘Reko Reko Reko' till someone else notices his efforts.
Whoever is this person, Alice simply entrusts them with his last attempt to mumble ‘I love you’ before his jaw gives up on moving, his body growing cold.
Defeated, his eyelids fall as his lips curl upward.
I hope she saw me smiling in the end. I didn’t let the enemy have the last laugh. Just as we always did back in the day…
…Reko, I love you. I always did, and I always will do. Forevermore.
I wish I could say it to you. I really do.
“B-big bro!”
“He…he heard you, Reko. H-he did!”