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Luz's Regret

Summary:

Luz has been trying to forget the Day of Unity for years, but her nightmares continue to drag her back to the worst day of her life. They’re bad enough to make her avoid sleeping, which is affecting her grades. And she was already struggling with college. Overwhelmed by the stress she faces day and night, she wants it all to just stop.

Alador has been researching a way to reverse petrification, despite being told it’s irreversible. When Luz’s mental health suddenly takes a turn for the worse, she makes an impulsive decision which gives Alador’s research a new urgency.

Notes:

CW: suicide

Chapter 1: Luz Doesn't Mind

Summary:

In Medias Res opening, where our main characters try to forget about a recent tragic event by spending a day at the beach.

Notes:

I have a very dark sense of humour. The irony in this chapter is that trying to act normal has the result of acting very weirdly.

The last scene in this chapter is serious though.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Amity had chosen a fancy restaurant - Eggs and Eyeballs - which was on a cliff overlooking  the Boiling Sea. It was fairly quiet right now, since most of the customers came in the evenings. There were three umbrellas giving plenty of shade from the noon sun. The booking was a table for ten. She had booked the best seats in the place, and they had a gorgeous view, although the sunlight glinting on the waves was a little too bright. Still, they could see a few people sunbathing on the beach far below. 

 

King was the first to sit down, declaring “I am at the head of the table.” 

 

Eda smiled and said “Okay Your Highness,” and sat next to him. 

 

Vee remarked “Oh, one of the seats isn’t in the shade,” referring to the one furthest from King, at the other short side of the table. 

 

Hunter said “Maybe Luz could sit there?” 

 

Amity replied “Yeah, Luz doesn’t mind,” then picked Luz up and placed her in the seat. Stringbean rested on her shoulder. Luz sat awkwardly, and very rigidly, leaning far back and keeping her legs straight as if she was still standing up. The sun was directly in Luz’s eyes, but she didn’t even blink. The rest of the group took the other seats.

 

Willow said “I don’t think I’ve ever been to such a nice restaurant.” 

 

Gus asked “Wow, you really went all out eh Amity?” 

 

She simply answered “Fits the occasion.” 

 

Camila asked “Is this the nicest place in the entire Isles?” 

 

“One of them.” 

 

“Thank you so much.” 

 

“It’s no problem.” 

 

Alador said “Our family has come here before.” 

 

Vee said “Eda, are you sure you can take another day off work?” 

 

“Ahh, it’ll be fine,” Eda accentuated this remark with a dismissive wave of her hand. Vee frowned. 

 

Hunter said “Well, you know, we could all use a little time off because…y’know….” This remark made the group uncomfortably quiet. No one looked at Luz.

 

While they were reading the menus, Camila had  to ask about ten times what the ingredients were. Everyone was very patient. Eda had lots of stories from when Luz first arrived on the Isles, about how it was hard to find things she could eat - eggs were always a safe bet.

 

The waiter arrived, and asked “How is everyone today?” and was met with lots of ‘fine thanks’ and ‘good’, except for one person who remained silent. The waiter looked questioningly at Luz, before Eda gave a little shake of her head, so he instead asked “Have you had time to look over the menu?” 

 

King said “Yes, we’re getting a large pizza.” 

 

Camila added “And one egg sandwich.” 

 

The waiter wrote it down. “And what else?” 

 

“That’s it.” 

 

“Is it? You really didn’t order much.”

 

Amity casually asked “Luz, you want anything?” 

 

There was no answer, then an awkward moment of silence, before Camila said “She already ate.” 

 

“I don’t think she has.” 

 

“I’m sure she has.” 

 

“Actually, earlier she mentioned she was famished. And really looking forward to coming here.”  The waiter looked very confused, and a little creeped out. 

 

Eda whispered “Cami,” and then shook her head. Camila frowned.

 

Amity held the menu up to Luz’s face and said “Hey, that egg sandwich looks good,” then looked pointedly at Camila, who smiled awkwardly and said “Uh, Luz and I could split it.” 

 

“Perfect.” 

 

Eda said “There, that’s everything.” After staring at them for a moment, the waiter walked away.

 

Conversation was fairly stilted that day. Normally most of the energy in a room came from Luz, and her eerie silence floated about the table. Eda talked the most, and largely filled the space. King helped out quite a bit, filling in details from the Owl Lady’s many tales of Luz’s first few months on the Isles. 

 

The food arrived, and everyone silently took their first bites. Camila discovered that the name of the restaurant described everything in her sandwich, and said “This is a huge sandwich, even one half is a lot, anyone wanna split the half?” but didn’t get any takers.

 

Vee asked “Alador, why don’t you tell us about your research?”

 

 “Basically, I’m trying to cure petrification. The technical details would bore you. Progress is slow.” 

 

Hunter asked “Do you need any volunteers in your lab?”

 

 “I can always find a use for a few extra hands. I’ll let you know.” 

 

“Mhm.”

 

After about five minutes, everyone was finished eating. They called for the bill. When the waiter brought the bill, Amity said “Lunch is on me,” and many people thanked her.

 

Amity said “Let’s head to the beach,” and picked up Luz, causing Stringbean to fall off, and carried her - the Palisman floated nearby. Everyone followed her out of the restaurant.

 

After they all left, one waiter said to another “Did you see that?” 

 

“What?” 

 

“The people I just served were a bunch of weirdos.” 

 

“Really?” 

 

“They carried this statue with them, it was life-sized, and they put it in a chair. And then they acted like it was a person. They even ordered a sandwich for it.” 

 

“Huh.”

 

-

 

It was a warm and gorgeous day. Surprisingly, the beach was not very busy, so they didn’t have trouble finding a spot to place their beach towels. Amity placed Luz on the sand, then put a towel next to her. Then she took stacks of papers out of her bag - they were all covered in complicated-looking diagrams and equations. The pages flapped in the wind, and she said “Hey Luz, could you hold these for me?” Then she put a stack of papers under Luz’s head, and said “Thanks.”

 

There was a volleyball net, and Willow, Gus, and King were one team, and Alador, Camila, and Hunter were the other team. 

 

Eda settled down next to her and said “Take a day off, those calculations will still be there tomorrow.”

 

“These are just equations, I haven’t started doing calculations yet.” 

 

“Whatever. Take a break, kid. I mean come on, who does math on the beach? Sunbathe! Play volleyball!” 

 

“Fine.” Grumpily, she took the papers from under Luz’s head and put them back in her bag.

 

Vee put down a towel, and said “I got some bottles of lemonade.” 

 

Eda said “Awesome,” and took one. “Amity, you want one?” 

 

“I’m not thirsty.” 

 

“You sure? It’s a really hot day.” 

 

“Fine.”

 

Eda struggled to open the bottle, and after a minute of trying she said “Hey Luz, can you open this bottle for me?” Then she put it to Luz’s lips, pressed, and with a pop the top opened. 

 

Amity glared at her, and said “Don’t chip her face.” 

 

“I won’t! How careless do you think I am?” Amity didn’t answer. 

 

Eda retorted “And you just used her as a paperweight.” 

 

“Oh so what! She’s happy to help.” 

 

“Exactly.” 

 

Amity was wearing a bathing suit underneath her clothes. After taking off her shirt and shorts, she took out a bottle of sunscreen, and put some on her arms and legs. She put a dab on Luz’s nose and said “Boop.” Stringbean looked at her questioningly, which she ignored. 

 

Eda casually remarked “I don’t think your darling’s gonna get sunburned, love.” 

 

Amity responded “I think she will.”

 

“She’s naturally got a dark complexion.”

 

Vee said “Hm, that sunscreen’s oily, might give her acne.”

 

Amity replied a little irritably “I’m just trying to help her.”

 

Vee answered “I don’t really think you have to.”

 

Eda whispered “Vee.”

 

Vee didn’t acknowledge the whisper and said “You can just chill, y’know?”

 

Instead of responding, Amity rubbed sunscreen on Luz’s forehead and cheeks, before she asked “Luz, can you put sunscreen on my back?” Then she poured a bunch onto Luz’s hand, turned over, pressed her back against Luz’s hand and moved herself up and down with her legs to spread the sunscreen. Then she noticed Vee and Eda looking at her in bewilderment.

 

Amity defensively said “What,” and didn’t get an answer. The two of them looked away. While she was speaking she continued moving up and down to rub in the sunscreen: “I know you think I’m totally fucking bonkers. Well I’m just trying to act like things are normal. I just want to feel like everything’s gonna be okay. This is my way to chill. ” 

 

Vee and Eda still didn’t look at her.

 

Once she was protected from sunburn, Amity lay on back on the towel. She put a hat over her face and closed her eyes. The sound of the waves and the soft bubbling of the Boiling Sea were both very soothing. She realized that last night she had barely slept a wink. Between worrying about her girlfriend and thinking about a cure for petrification, it had been impossible to make her mind stop racing. Yet now she felt her thoughts grow sluggish, and felt some relief at that. It was nice to finally be drowsy, and just drift on the waves of sand, lulled away by the beach…

 

Luz said “Sweet potato,” smiling warmly, and Amity smiled back and gazed into her gorgeous eyes. Luz looked more tanned than before, the sunbathing had really made a difference. She leaned in and pecked Amity on the cheek.

 

Something hard whacked Amity in the face, knocking her hat off. Disoriented, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut to block the harsh sunlight. Hunter said “Sorry! We lost control of the ball.” 

 

“Mmh.” Amity sat up, opened her eyes, and saw Hunter pick up the ball and run back towards the net. 

 

Amity looked at Luz, and absent-mindedly reached out to caress her cheek. As soon as her fingers touched Luz’s face, she pulled her hand back, and felt burns on her fingertips. She put her palm to her forehead, and muttered “Duh! I left her out in the sun.” She noticed that the sun was lower in the sky, and looked at Vee, who was reading a book. Amity asked “Vee, how long was I out for?” 

 

“At least two hours.” 

 

“They’re still playing volleyball?” 

 

“They took a few breaks, went to get lemonade, sat in the shade for a while…” 

 

“Makes sense.”

 

A little boy walked up, holding a spatula in one hand and an egg in the other. Amity recognized that it was Braxas. Suddenly, the boy cracked the egg on Luz’s forehead, and put the yolk on her face. Immediately it started sizzling. Amity yelled “Braxas! What’re you DOING!? ” 

 

The boy jumped, then looked at her and innocently said “What?” 

 

“You can’t” - she huffed - “You can’t just cook an egg on someone’s face!” 

 

“Why not?” 

 

Eda called over, “It’s fine, hon.” 

 

“No it isn’t!” 

 

“Luz is happy she’s being useful.” 

 

Amity sounded very stern when she said “Braxas, stop it right now.” 

 

He answered with a little snark, “Gimme three reasons why not.” 

 

“One, it’s rude! Two, it makes a mess. And three, uh-” 

 

Vee said “Relax, Amity. I’m sure Luz doesn’t mind.” 

 

Eda said “She’s not complaining.” 

 

Amity complained “How’re we gonna clean it off?” 

 

“You’re one to talk, you put on sunscreen.” 

 

Amity couldn’t think of a retort, and her face flushed. 

 

Eda said “Owlbert, find some dish soap.” Owlbert hooted plaintively. 

 

Amity said “It’s in her hair, use shampoo!” 

 

“Listen kid, when you clean a pan you use dish soap.” 

 

“How dare you call Luz’s face a pan!” 

 

“You know that’s not what I mean. Come on Owlbert, look in the restaurant.” Owlbert flew away.

 

Braxas used the spatula to flip over the egg. The cooking surface was not exactly flat so some egg dribbled onto the sand. Amity glared at him the entire time, and he ignored her. Eventually he lifted it up with the spatula, and waited a few moments for it to cool down. Then he took a bite, scowled, spit it out, and asked “Why does it taste like sunscreen?”

 

Amity muttered “Serves you right.”

 

Vee joked “All according to plan, eh Ams?” and got a very angry glare in response.

 

Owlbert somehow found some dish soap, and they did their best to clean Luz’s face. 

 

In the distance, they heard a loud snap, and Willow said “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” 

 

Gus said “That pole is busted.” 

 

Hunter complained “Now someone’s gonna have to hold the net!” There was a pause, and then everyone looked right at Luz. 

 

Amity shouted “Are you serious?! Eda used her as a bottle opener, Braxas used her as a frying pan, and now you’re using her as a pole?!” 

 

Eda muttered “Hypocrite.” 

 

Camila just answered “Luz doesn’t mind.” 

 

Willow used plant magic to send out a vine which grabbed Luz and dragged her over, while Amity watched in disbelief. Vee called “Everyone thank Luz for volunteering to hold the net.” 

 

In unison everyone except Amity said “Thank you Luz!” 

 

Vee saw the mixed astonishment and rage on Amity’s face, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Listen, Amity, it’s like what you said earlier. We’re acting like things are normal.” Amity facepalmed. 

 

-

 

A late afternoon snack at a corn dog stand ended up serving the purpose of dinner. Afterwards they went back to the volleyball net. Their group was the last on the beach. It began to get cooler as the sun started to set.

 

Luz did an excellent job of keeping the net in place, and many more rounds were played. Alador was the first to get tired, then Camila. The last to get tired were King and Hunter, who played with just the two of them until Eda told them that it was time to go. Everyone gathered up their things and started walking.

 

An orange glow bathed the beach. Amity walked up to the net and untangled Luz from it. Something caught her eye. She looked closely at Luz’s face, and wondered if her mascara had been running, though the traces were faint. The group had already gotten far away, and Eda called “You coming?”

 

“Gimme a minute!” and she leaned in, until she was just inches away from Luz’s face.

 

Looking more closely, Amity saw that there were definitely thin, dark, dried-up rivers from the corners of her Luz’s eyes. Amity softly said “Sweet Potato, have you…have you been crying?” 

 

She heard footsteps, and Alador asked “You okay Mittens?” 

 

Amity kept looking into Luz’s eyes, and her voice cracked when she spoke a little more loudly: “Luz, I don’t want you to hide things from me anymore. Have you been crying?”

 

There were more footsteps, and some whispering, which she ignored. Amity’s voice got even louder and more unsteady as she continued, “Luz, I can tell you’ve been crying. And you didn’t tell me. You keep saying ‘I’m fine’, or telling me not to worry, or saying you don’t wanna see my ‘concerned face’. Please trust me. I promise you can tell me anything. Please, if you’re suffering, just say something. I don’t get it, Luz. I don’t know why you didn’t talk to me! And I don’t understand why you did this! Why would you petrify yourse-” Amity stopped abruptly, and started to sob. 

 

Camila softly said “You poor thing.” Alador placed a hand on her shoulder. Willow gave her a hug, and Gus gently took her hand. Vee offered her a tissue. 

 

King whimpered “I miss Luz,” and Amity weakly sobbed “Me too.”  

 

Vee agreed, “We all miss her.”

 

Eda said “Let’s be optimistic, okay? Everyone thought the Coven system was invincible, and your dad made those sigils vanish. I just know he’ll get Luz back to normal.” 

 

Hunter timidly ventured “You know…It was a great idea for us to all get together, Amity. Thanks for suggesting that.” 

 

Between sobs, Amity managed “Y-...You’re welcome. Thanks guys.”

 

Camila said “It’s no problem.” 

 

Willow added “Whatever you need, we’re here for you.” Amity nodded.

 

Camila declared “Luz doesn’t know how lucky she is. Right now she’s surrounded by her gorgeous girlfriend, an awesome mentor, a fluffy little brother, and so many wonderful friends. Y’know, I feel really grateful to Luz for introducing me to so many incredible people. Let’s take a moment to appreciate how she brought us all together.” Little hints of warm smiles tugged at the group’s lips. Camila continued “I just know you’ll find a cure. Working together, you guys can accomplish anything. I can’t wait to talk to my daughter again.” Then she put her hand on Luz’s cheek, and looked at her with a wistful smile.

Notes:

It's a wonderful thing when inspiration strikes, and I've been thinking about this fic every single day for over a week now! I'm looking forward to sharing more of it.