Chapter Text
What did he do wrong? He thought he was happy, he thought they were happy. So Jiang Cheng really can't comprehend when the news of Lan Xichen's engagement comes out.
It has to be a mistake.
Jiang Cheng is sure of it.
Lan Huan would never do that to him.
But still, he sends a letter.
Don't sound so needy, don't sound so scared, don't sound so weak. He reminds himself while he's writing.
His heart pounds erratically in his chest when his letter goes unanswered.
Lan Huan's just busy with sect leader work. He doesn't have time for these rumors. He probably doesn't even know about them. It's fine. He thinks to himself.
Jiang Cheng goes about his days like normal, pushing the thought of Lan Xichen's engagement rumors to the back of his mind, until finally, it's the day of it.
----
Wei Wuxian comes to Lotus Pier, frantically searching for Jiang Cheng.
Their relationship was better now. They had finally talked after the events at Guanyin temple after they kept running into each other at Gusu.
But it still didn't warrant a visit from him without notice.
When Jiang Cheng comes out to see what's wrong he's hit with eyes of pity and Jiang Cheng hates it. He absolutely hates it more than anything he's ever hated.
"A-Cheng..." starts Wei Ying, staring at him with softened eyes filled with sadness, "I'm so sorry."
"For what you idiot? What's wrong?" Jiang Cheng snarls back at him, his care poorly disguised. "Who made you sad?"
Wei Ying stares at him again with those eyes of pity and Jiang Cheng wants to gouge them out with his fingers.
"You... don't know?" questions Wei Ying, his hand reaching up to caress Jiang Cheng's cheek like Yanli used to.
And suddenly, as if having an epiphany, Jiang Cheng knows now, what's wrong. He knows and he wishes he didn't.
But still, Jiang Cheng shakes his head slowly, "What's wrong?" he asks again, because maybe he's wrong. Maybe he's overthinking. Maybe he's just being insecure. Maybe he's wrong. He prays to all the gods he's wrong.
Wei Ying pulls him into a tight hug and Jiang Cheng doesn't even move to shove him off.
"A-Cheng, Lan Xichen is getting married today."
----
Jiang Cheng doesn't think he's flew faster than now as he rushes to Gusu, not even knocking as he opens the Hanshi door.
There Lan Xichen is. Right in the middle. Beautiful, lovely, graceful, kind, wonderful Lan Xichen.
Draped in red wedding robes.
Jiang Cheng freezes.
Lan Xichen is stunning. Lan Xichen is breathtaking. Lan Xichen isn't his, he realizes.
Lan Xichen turns his head to look towards him and Jiang Cheng feels his heart that would've jumped in excitement before all this, crack a little.
"Wanyin." states Lan Xichen, acknowledging his presence, keeping his tone calm and level. But Jiang Cheng knows him all too well and he can hear the tremble in each syllable of his name.
"Xichen." Jiang Cheng grits out, willing himself to not break eye contact.
It's a minute before Lan Xichen breaks it himself and Jiang Cheng takes it as a cue to speak.
"...Why?" he wonders aloud, his voice bitter and empty, "Was I so mean? Was I so scarred? Was I so insignificant? Was I so unlovable you couldn't even tell me?!"
Lan Xichen doesn't reply. He only locks eyes with him again to stare with those same eyes of pity Wei Wuxian had and Jiang Cheng wants to hide from them. He wants to bury himself and hide so those eyes can ever see him again. But he doesn't.
"I thought they were lying. I thought everyone was lying." continues Jiang Cheng, as he falls to his knees at the door. "I thought Wei Ying was lying. And I trusted you."
"I trusted you." he whispers again, more to himself than to Lan Xichen.
"I was an absolute idiot to think you would ever love someone like me." he finishes before standing up again and walking away, leaving the Hanshi door opened as Lan Xichen watches his figure retreat.
In truth, Jiang Cheng didn't want to leave. But he had to before he clung onto Lan Xichen's pristine red robes and begged him to stop. He had to before he sobbed into the floor of the Hanshi and refused to let Lan Xichen through. He had to before his heart broke to pieces and he shouted and yelled. He had to before he forgot he was the powerful and feared Sandu Sangshou and not A-Cheng, the boy who trusted too much, felt too strongly, and loved too deeply.