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Contrary to popular belief, Davy was straight. He wasn't into blokes, he wasn't a poof. Simple as that, he wasn't into guys and whether or not guys were into him was not his problem.
Yet word still got around that he was. Which surprised him because when had he been intimate enough around a bloke to get people thinking such things? But then again, when was evidence ever something someone used? Just him acting the way he did or dressing the way he does was probably enough to get guys like Macca into spreading word. Him joining theater didn't help his case at all.
But fuck it, people could say what they wanted Davy genuinely didn't care. Wanker or poof, they could say what they'd like. They were all jerks at the end of the day and Davy had other things to tend to than those petty remarks.
And while it was easy to ignore words or gestures- those were all just assumptions. Even people who believed Macca's word like gold would have to admit that no one would be completely sure if dear old Davy was really queer. Until someone got proof at least. So Davy still walked around with his pride despite his semi-dysfunctional family of three and rumored interests in bed.
It was easy to ignore because they were wrong, Davy knew it. Some people did too. And even those who were confident otherwise couldn't say anything as fact.
And he'd like to keep it that way. He'd have to keep it that way.
Evan was awfully good looking, it made his heart thump and he didn't like that. He couldn't like it, more like. Because it was wrong and sinful. And even Davy who had no particular interest or strong belief in religion suddenly sided with the fact that poofs weren't something someone should be. Because it was weird and would make others uncomfortable. Making someone feel weird wouldn't have to be a worry of his though because he was straight. He liked girls and only girls because when you're a guy there's no one else to like but girls.
And that was fine with him, he wouldn't have it any other way.
Evan was nice to him, as far as Davy was aware they were friends. The small group of theater kids were all friends in some way. And sickeningly he found himself longing to be best friends with Evan in particular. Which was weird since he didn't really get too close with anyone. He liked them, sure, and hung out with a few from their class but he never felt that attached.
He wanted to get close to Evan but it wasn't in a friendship way. The undertones were too intimate for it to be that. He just called it friendship because it was easier and more normal. He couldn't admit having feelings for him. There were a handful of people who would target him for that, and pretty much everyone would in a way.
Evan couldn't be a friend because if he was then Davy would want more.
Stella was his best bet really, she was a fairly attractive female who a lot shared the same opinion about. Their desire for her was real though, Davy's would be with time.
Were her curves something to be proud of? Davy thought a lot of girls looked the same or similar and none of them got any of the attention like she did. But none of them threw themselves towards guys the way she did either. There was something about getting together with Stella that didn't actually feel like it'd be bad. It wasn't that he found her irresistible or anything, but just that he wouldn't mind getting together with her. He did like girls, after all.
Even if his feelings were forced in this particular moment.
She was a tease, liked hopping from guy to guy, Davy knew this and it was probably that that made it okay for him to lead her on. In reality, she was doing the same. Or would be if she got with him.
It wasn't too hard to get her looking his way, it was hard keeping her looking. Davy wouldn't say he was all that interested in love, never really was his thing. But now he was trying and maybe he was trying a bit too hard? He wouldn't know. All he knew was that he needed- wanted this. He liked Stella, she was attractive, her hair, eyes, smile…and curves. Even that last part attracted him. It was by no means forced. Because you couldn't force love, his parents' relationship was a clear picture of that.
And here he was still trying to think he could.
Was it cruel to make Stella think she was falling for a straight person? Was he even a poof? Or was he just confused? He did in fact used to like girls, he found them attractive, so Evan would be the first boy he liked. If he did actually like him. Why did his interests suddenly change? It was cruel to him if anything.
Davy and Stella were drinking that night. They'd been talking but nothing ever got past something you'd do with friends. Stella had wanted to go out to a club and while that really wasn't Davy's forte, he relented. His mates had warned him against getting too attached and he knew why but he couldn't help but want to follow along if it meant she'd like him. Then they could be together and people would see him with a girl and not think of him as a fag.
Then maybe he could be less awkward around Evan.
Davy wasn't much of a drinker either. A pretty boring person in reality, but he did that day. He felt like he needed to relax if he wanted Stella to like him. He didn't really know her type, which was maybe something he should've figured out before trying to get with her. But she probably didn't want someone who was uptight or something. Which wasn't how Davy was anyways.
"Davy," she said, he managed to get her to a more quiet part of the pub and she leant her head against him. "I like you,"
She liked him. Or at least her drunken state did. Which was still something.
Davy smiled, "I like you too" did he though? Or was he just thinking he did because that was what was right. "We should go, you seem like you've had enough," he joked.
He went home feeling empty. He never imagined getting a confession would make someone feel worse than they did before. But here he was, going to bed feeling somehow sad. Not that it was really Stella's doing. No, she seemed like she'd be a nice girlfriend -or something-. It was just Davy being….
They had school the next morning and Davy got himself up even if there was an indescribable feeling gnawing his chest. Stella and him probably weren't together, he knew better than to think that they were. But she said she loved him, so maybe.. maybe they could. Maybe he needed to be the one to ask? Stella didn't really seem like that type of girl that would strictly wait for that though. Maybe they just needed to get closer. They never really talked much outside of school so it was probably that last part.
But whenever he tried to get close she pushed him away. It left Davy torn between wanting to respect her wishes and wanting just an answer as to why. She said she loved him that night, so why now was it like this?
Stella had no intentions moving forward, she probably wouldn't ever. It made having to sing to her during rehearsals a bit awkward. They settled on being just friends, the words came from Davy's mouth but he didn't find himself believing it. They weren't supposed to be just friends, that was the whole point. God if only she'd actually stick with a man then maybe this wouldn't have been a problem.
(But they were never together to begin with).
"The Shakespeares a bit harder than the Bowie" Evan had said suddenly it threatened to make Davy jump. They'd been standing awkwardly next to each other, Davy reading the lines silently and Evan doing who knows what next to him, (he was too scared to check). He felt like he was being mean, the one word answers, it was like giving the silent treatment. Evan deserved better than that, but then again he deserved a girl. Maybe Dena, they hung out often, she seemed interested.
But being mean was okay, he couldn't be too nice or people would think they were together. People already thought he's a poof, he didn't want to ruin Evans reputation too.
Evan was too nice, Davy wasn't sure if he'd ever said one sentence that was even sorta mean. He was too good for Davy, even if either of them were a girl the chances of them ending up together weren't very high. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. Just another incidence of fate taunting him with something he couldn't have.
Evan offered to make a record for him to help him learn the lines. In actuality Davy never really thought it was a prominent struggle of his but he accepted and went along with it anyways.
He was very grateful for other student's arriving, the band that just performed moments ago was a great conversation change rather than the unnecessary tension between the other two boys.
He didn't see how Evan's eyes lingered on Davy. He never saw that, even though it happened a lot. Only Dena knew that Evan wasn't as 'normal' as people thought. He himself hadn't even known until recently. Until Davy. It was all Davy's fault that something that should've been obvious such as sexuality was now in question. Davy seemed straight though, he was actively pinning after a girl. He seemed straight too aside from the theater bit but plenty of straight people could join theater, that wasn't really something to define someone by.
"Davy, wait a minute," Evan blurted as they were dismissed and he jumped down from the blocks they used as a mock stage. Davy did in fact stop as others around headed for the door. Their rehearsal was finally over, another Friday one so not many were there in the first place.
"I was wondering, want to hang out sometime? We could go over the lines or…just talk, y'know whatever you want" Evan really sucked at playing it cool. It had Dena rolling her eyes from where she was stalling with her bag. It had of course been her who put Evan up to asking for a subtle date. She ended up finding out who was the mystery boy he'd been crushing on and honestly she was half sure Davy also liked blokes.
She didn't care if it was mean to assume or to agree with bullies but just look at him? She learnt from her experience with Evan that if a boy looks too good and isn't an asshole like the other ones in the school then they're probably not straight. Which was fine with her.
"Oh..sure, did you have somewhere in mind or anything?"
"The park? Maybe… late.. afternoon?" This was hard to watch. She was glad that the details were passed along quickly and when she felt like it was nearing the end of the conversation (and she couldn't stall with her bag any longer without getting looks from Vivi) she left and met Evan down the hall.
"I'm never doing that again, God that was awful" Dena laughed,
"Well you won't have to, after today- or whenever you two meet- you'll never want to part from each other" she had the audacity to tease after making him go through the embarrassment of asking him out. (He asked him out but not in a 'oh this a date by the way,' way and just 'lets hang out cause we're friends' kind).
Davy was straight. Evan was straight. Somehow they suspected each other to be straight but neither were. And while Evan was confident with himself regarding it, Davy was not. He felt like crying just thinking about it. As dramatic as that may have been, it was true. He liked both genders but only one of them was acceptable and Davy knew that if his suspicion about himself was correct that he'd have very few to support him.
He shouldn't be expecting any support to begin with but he couldn't even lie to himself and say that there'd be someone since everyone he felt close to weren't like that.
"Out on a date? Thought you got stood up last time, why would you fall for it again?" Angus said as he saw Davy get ready. Angus was one of the few that already thought him to be a poof, he wasted no time reminding Davy that any chance he got. It was like the idea of him going out with a girl was genuinely shocking.
It hurt that he was right. But he wasn't going out in that kind of way. This was just a friend outing.
"Fuck off, I never said I was going on a date. I'm just going out,"
"Trying with Stella still?"
"Get out already, don't you got shit to set on fire or something?" A part of him hoped Angus didn't take that too seriously and actually go do it. His pyromaniac self had quite a reputation for itself, Davy thought he knew better than to actually think he was encouraging it though. It was just a retort for their bickering.
Going out at night was the only reasonable thing to do when Wales was in the middle of a heat wave. Something so rare for the place that was usually moderate or even chilly. He understood why Evan chose to go out at night, especially if they were out to a park that consisted of metal equipment. But still it being reminiscent of a date kept going through his mind.
Date date date.
They weren't on a date.
He lingered by the benches until he was sure that Evan was in fact not there yet. Was it still called getting stood up if it wasn't a date? Just Davy's luck wasn't it, his love life failed (it was doomed from the moment he tried to force feelings for a girl) and now he couldn't even have friends.
Busy sulking, he didn't notice when Evan actually had came, stumbling to the bench despite the ground being smooth and as even as grass could get. He wasn't usually so unbalanced and he learned that he wasn't very sober to begin with.
"I'm sorry, Dena insisted I drink a bit with her and I guess I hadn't expected to have as much as I did. I don't usually drink," Evan explained sitting down in front of him because it felt like that was the only way to sit down on a bench with a mate. He did bring a bottle of the alcohol they were drinking before. Stashing it in his bag because the weather was for once nice and it was starry despite not being too late into the night and it just would've made for a perfect date.
If they were on one.
"Dena..are you and her?" He didn't have to finish for his unspoken words to be understood, he tried to keep any disappointment out of his tone as he asked. Making it sound like genuine curiosity rather than jealousy.
Evan snorted, "no, we're definitely not. She's attractive I guess, but I don't like her like that,"
Evan hadn't actually been meaning to practice their lines. Because despite the show only being in a few days, he wasn't that passionate. He managed to get a few lines done with Davy before announcing a break and somehow managed to make it over to the swings. Davy laughed and all the while looked concerned,
"Can you see straight enough to be on a swing? We should just stay at the bench, you'll get hurt like this," though it wasn't said too seriously. Davy was admittedly amused by this whole thing.
By Evan.
"How drunk do you think I am?" Pretty drunk, neither could resist the temptation of practicing lines for The Tempest with some alcohol through their system. Davy once again found himself drinking but it was a better experience this time.
Davy took the swing next to him, and finally the tension that used to hang over them like halos to angels was finally gone. Admittedly Davy had pulled away when he discovered a glimpse of his feelings, (a glimpse was the best way to put it because he refused to accept it for what he was. He was still in denial).
They talked. Nothing of the play, just talked.
Evan had at some point gotten dizzy from the back and forth movement of the swing and the haziness that had been clouding his head. Maybe the alcohol was at its peak to get him to do this but he stopped swinging, Davy had only gently been swinging so they were kind of at each other's level.
"Do you actually like Stella?" He blurted
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Because you like me instead?" The alcohol and Dena's earlier words both really filled Evans confidence for him to just outright say that. On any other occasion if he did manage to get himself to say something so out there then it would've been done with care. "I like you," he added after seeing Davy go still and pale. Confidently he placed his hand on Davy's leg, only worsening Davy's nerves but in his drunk state Evan didn't seem to care.
Davy wondered if his own alcohol consumption was making him hallucinate. Clearing his throat and trying to sound as casual as possible he said,
"Of course I like you, but it's a different kind of like, obviously," in a way he wasn't lying. He did like Evan a different way than Stella. Because he actually liked Evan. But the implications were a minor thing and Evan probably didn't mean it that way and Davy couldn't get himself to confess to a guy.
So then why did he wake up in his bed?
God he woke up in his bed! He didn't think they had much alcohol but to be fair he couldn't remember most of the night. He jolted when he felt someone laying next to him, startling Evan too. And Davy internally wished it was some random stranger or something (preferably a female one) and not his male classmate.
"Davy? Shit what happened? Sorry about that, are you okay?" They both were clothed and despite the hangover he didn't feel much different. But he shared a bed with a guy! That itself was wrong. He felt like crying, actually he may have been hyperventilating since Evan came closer and he couldn't hear anything.
Davy cried into his knees, it wasn't hard cries like sobs, just involuntary tears.
"Didn't know being a poof was that bad,"
"I- no it's not- I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that I- I don't know-" fucking hell he couldn't get out a single thought. He didn't mean to offend Evan, (to offend him that meant Evan had to have liked guys), he didn't know why he was crying.
"No, no, I'm sorry. I- I was just trying to joke since you weren't answering but that's on me. My jokes aren't really funny, I didn't mean to further overwhelm you"
….
Why was he so sweet? Why did Davy have to be teased with the thought of such a kind person being his partner? Evan sat next to him, shoulders touching and hand rubbing over Davy's knuckles. Everything was intimate but Davy was too scared and emotional to care. He wasn't usually this emotional, Evan certainly hadn't seen him like that before. Davy was always such a calm, collective person, and sure he had his moments of outbursts but everyone did.
He never saw Davy so fearful or sad before.
"If it's any help I don't think we did anything" Davy already had that suspicion and Evan was more shitfaced than him but still it helped to hear the words from him.
"I'm sorry,"
"Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong." He did though, he liked males. "We missed the first three classes already, want to just skip? I can get some pain killers and we can just…hang out here. Or something" Evan was always trying to get them to hang out, but always so scared of being seen with another guy Davy never noticed.
"Are you a poof?" Poof was derogatory, but Davy didn't really know any other word to describe the feeling of a man loving another man. It was just such a casual thing to say he didn't think if there was another word he should use. But (potentially) being one himself he didn't think it mattered.
"Yeah.. I'm not ashamed of it though," Evan added that last part defensively. Davy knew that though, through his vague memory he remembered being kissed, he remembered liking it and retaliating. The only person he could've kissed was the one he woke up beside. "I'm assuming you're though. Ashamed, I mean"
Davy hesitated, then nodded. He was a poof wasn't he? He was sure of it now, after the kiss..he wanted to kiss again.
"We don't have to ever talk about it again if you don't want. Just because we kissed doesn't mean we have to be together. We can just..pretend this never happened. I- I don't know how much you remember but whatever you do we can forget," Evan tried to be helpful and reassuring. He rambled a bit but it was half heartedly. He meant what he said about them forgetting and not mentioning, Evan wouldn't want to put Davy in a position that he felt forced or pressured. But he didn't really want to forget, he didn't want them to just pretend nothing happened.
He wanted them to get together.
Evan actually remembered more than Davy suspected. To Davy, Evan was drunk first and with more drinking he probably drank more and more too. But in actuality Evan had at some point sobered up considerably. He remembered the kiss too, he remembered confessing to Davy, he remembered Davy confessing too. The only part Davy didn't remember, was coincidentally that last part. And it showed. From the way his hand flinched under Evans', wanting to run and pull away, from the fact he kept not very subtly glancing at his lips. It was all done with the knowledge of the other liking him.
Davy just didn't remember that he confessed too and that was what initiated the kiss.
"Just if we do decide to play it off can you not tell anyone I'm-" Evan wasn't surprised by the kiss. Davy had been looking down at his lips too much for someone who only had romantic feelings under the influence. So he smoothly transitioned from mid sentence to passionately making out. Even if Davy's actions were hesitant throughout.
"You okay?" Evan asked, Davy was just coming down from a panic attack. And well, this was unfortunately a serious matter, a topic not many wanted to hear nor agreed with. Evan just had a good support system that made it easy to walk around confidently all while knowing he liked guys. (Even though he only questioned liking guys because of Davy but whatever).
Davy nodded, mumbling a "yeah". And while Davy was reevaluating life, Evan couldn't help but admire just how pretty Davy was. Dreamy eyes, incredibly attractive facial structure- just face in general, actually, he was just attractive. Every part of him. So incredibly hot Evan felt embarrassed he got to kiss him.
"I like you…" Davy whispered, looking down as if there was something wrong with what he was admitting. Evan frowned, leaning back from where he was over him.
"I like you to, and that's perfectly okay,"
"Are we..?"
"We could be,"
"Can we not tell anyone?"
"Of course," Evan didn't think he'd want to tell anyone either. He may be comfortable liking guys but he didn't think he wanted to deal with the taunts and insults. He didn't want to see Davy harassed by those either. Not telling anyone was likely the best. Maybe one day they'd be able to be open with it but definitely no time soon.
Davy smiled partially at that, not looking at Evan but he hadn't been since they broke off from the kiss. Still he could see the almost happy look in those greyish-blue eyes. And that in return made Evan happy.