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“I feel like such a lesbian anytime I go into a home depot.”
Hua sighed. “What are you talking about?”
“You know, like handyman stuff, like the butch lesbian who drinks beer and fixes cars kinda stuff.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand what goes on in your head.”
Kiana could only smile, barking out a laugh, and pressing her lips to Hua’s cheek. “You love me for it, though.”
“We’re in public, Kiana.”
Kiana thought Hua’s blush was the cutest thing. “Yes, and we’re also married.”
“Anyway,” and Hua wriggled away, though she intertwined their fingers, not truly wanting to seperate just yet, “we’re here for painting supplies. No car fixing for you, today, okay?”
“Fine,” Kiana whined exaggeratedly, already more than aware of the reason for their visit. “We can still look, though, right?”
“Kiana.” Hua’s voice was perhaps a bit stiffer than she meant it to be; it was hard for her to tell.
Kiana brought the woman’s knuckles to her lips, pressing a kiss to their intertwined hands. “Sorry. I know this is a little stressful for you. This is the fun part, though, right?”
Hua took a deep breath. “You’re right. Of course you’re right, sorry.”
“Hey.” Kiana placed her hands on Hua’s cheeks. “None of that, okay?”
Hua took a deep breath, and then smiled. “Alright.”
“So,” Kiana looked around exaggeratedly, “where do they keep the paint in this place.”
Hua couldn’t help but laugh. “Over here.”
It didn’t take them long to find the section they were looking for, and it was an even shorter amount of time before they were carting off a few gallons of paint to their car, and driving home. Hua had always been a planner—there was no deliberating left to do while standing in the aisle, no discussion about color, or if they had everything they needed, or whatever else might have come up. Part of it was nerves, sure, but Hua just liked to be thorough, and it was a trait that had come in handy ever since she finally married Kiana.
When they arrived home, Kiana sat down the buckets she was carrying with a grunt. “Listen,” She started, “I know we’re already back home, so it’s kind of a done deal, but, like, purple? Really?”
Hua placed the bag she was carrying on the table, and opened the fridge. “What’s wrong with purple?”
“Nothing!” Kiana sat down, digging through trays, and rollers, and brushes. “Just an unexpected pick, is all.”
“Well, everything I read said purple is good. It’s supposed to be calming.”
“I just assumed something brighter would be better. Mine was-” Kiana chewed on her lip for a moment, “orange, I think.”
“I think that kid’s gonna have enough energy in them already, knowing that you’re gonna be their parent. Something calming is probably better, I think, plus your mom said it would work well, so…” Hua shrugged.
Kiana stood up, making her way into the kitchen, and placing her hands on Hua’s hips. “So, do you wanna go change first?”
“I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna paint in-”
“In those clothes, right?” Kiana leaned closer, breath warm against Hua’s neck. “They do look really nice on you; we definitely wouldn’t wanna ruin them.”
Hua rolled her eyes. “Kiana.”
“I bet they’d look even better in a pile on the floor, though.”
“We’re not doing this right now, Kiana.”
“What?” Kiana whined playfully. “Am I not allowed to find my wife attractive anymore?”
“No, what you’re not allowed to do is be horny all the time.” Hua led Kiana’s hands, which had been steadily tracing up her sides, back down to her hips. “After this we’re getting dinner with your parents, and then we need to prep for the adoption agent this weekend, remember?”
“Who needs to adopt when we could go make one right now?”
Hua frowned, then, a genuine, grief stricken thing. She knew Kiana was only trying to be playful, but that specific side effect of being on hormones for so long—the fact that it basically bordered on impossible for her to have her own children—was always somewhat of a sore spot for her. It wasn’t actually impossible, sure, and they’d been trying for a while now, but it was beginning to feel like an almost insurmountable hill for her to climb.
Kiana noticed immediately. “Hey.” She squeezed Hua tight in her arms. “I was just kidding, okay?”
Hua sighed. She had some difficult feelings about being a mother, even disregarding the ones caused by being trans.
She didn’t think she was suited for it. She hadn’t, for most of her life. She was distant, and emotionally disconnected for as long as she could remember. Both of her parents passed away when she was young, too, so it’s not like she had much of a role model for it to begin with.
It wasn’t until she had met Kiana, and after they had gotten married that she even started to consider it. It wasn’t until she knew what family was like, how being surrounded by people you loved and people who loved you felt that she gave it a second thought.
It helped that she was an aunt now, too. Bianka and Rita had a little one of their own, and anytime Hua and Kiana got put on babysitting duty it always pulled at her heartstrings, forcing out her motherly instincts, the kind she didn’t know she had.
“Okay,” and Hua leaned her head against Kiana’s shoulder.
“Now go put on something raggedy, so I can fling paint at you.” Kiana gave her a kiss on the cheek, before stepping back, and allowing her to saunter off.
When she came back, she was in an old shirt that was two sizes too big, and a pair of shorts. Kiana thought she had never looked more beautiful.
Hua, however, simply rolled her eyes when she noticed Kiana hadn’t moved. “Are you not gonna change?”
She shrugged. “This is fine.”
“Did you at least get everything out of there?”
“I did yesterday, remember? It’s all good, baby, relax.”
“Well.” Hua thought for a moment, pursing her lips. “Good.”
Kiana couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you trying to find a reason to be upset with me?”
Hua rolled her eyes, and she rounded the table Kiana was sitting at, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. “Of course not.”
“Good because I am holding an entire bucket of paint, after all, baby.”
“Most of which needs to end up on the wall, and not on me, though.”
Kiana shrugged, and even Hua had to laugh.
“Okay, okay,” Kiana started, standing up, and rummaging through the bag Hua had brought in earlier. “Wanna get started?”
Painting is a slow process. It’s one Hua had always thought she was suited for, though. It’s calm, and methodical, with little enough prep work to not be too much of a hassle, either. She liked it. She liked turning on a soft, ambient tune, and letting her mind wander off, while the paint roller made stripes against the way. It was meditative, in a sense, and Hua meditated every day, after all.
Kiana was a different story. Kiana was more energetic, more prone to boredom, to giving into the tedium of a slow, repetitive task, unable to sit still. She preferred to skip the, well, the even more boring parts. No putting down a tarp to protect the carpet, no tape to line the baseboards with—all Kiana did was give one the buckets a shake, crack it open, and set to work.
Hua was unsure whether it was hilarious, or concerning.
“Kiana- Baby, no.”
Kiana had already painted a handful of stripes into the wall when Hua got her to stop. “What? Painting is painting, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but, ideally, I’d like to paint the wall, not the floor.”
“Don’t worry, I’m a master at not being messy, I promise,” Kiana replied, grinning, but Hua raised an eyebrow at her, and she broke into a blush. “At some things. Some others maybe not so much, though; I don’t know.”
Hua simply laughed. “Trust me, I’m aware you’ve always been a bit of a sloppy eater. Here, just put this down first, okay?” and she handed Kiana a tarp.
“Ah, see, now this I’m used to.” Kiana began unfolding it, and placed it against the baseboards. “Putting something down to stop from making a mess.”
“Wow,” Hua said sarcastically, digging through a bag until she found a roll of masking tape. “You’re on fire today.”
“That’s what she said.”
Hua couldn’t stop herself from sighing at the proud grin Kiana wore on her face. “That one doesn’t even make sense. Just paint.”
“Didn’t you just tell me not to?”
“Kiana…” Hua put her face in her palms, and laughed.
Kiana just smiled, turning away and getting back to work.
It was peaceful, like that—the faint hum of a speaker playing something soft in the other room made the atmosphere feel particularly domestic. They worked well together, just like always, with Kiana rolling out the large portions, and Hua filling in the finer parts closer to the floor, or the ceiling. It was those kinds of moments that Hua cherished the most, a kind she had gotten to experience more and more since she met Kiana.
Kiana, however, ever the playful one, smiled, and tapped Hua on the shoulder.
“Hm?” Hua didn’t turn around.
“Hua,” Kiana groaned exaggeratedly, making Hua roll her eyes.
“What?” She asked, smiling, but, when she turned around, a paintbrush coated in lilac drew a line against her shirt. “Kiana!”
Kiana snickered, and ducked out of the way of the paintbrush Hua flicked at her. “What?” She said, breaking into a laugh, as Hua desperately tried to get her back.
“I liked this shirt!”
“I did tell you I was gonna fling paint at you, baby; I feel like that’s your own fault.”
“I feel like it’s the fault of the person flinging paint everywhere, personally.”
Kiana shrugged, and dipped her brush into a bucket of paint. “You were warned.”
Hua rolled her eyes. “You were warned,” She muttered, turning back to face the wall.
Kiana immediately sprung back to her feet, pacing her way towards Hua, and resting her chin on her shoulder. “Hua-”
Before Kiana could start, however, Hua grinned, and spun around, drawing an ‘X’ on Kiana’s shirt with the precision of a master swordswoman. “I think that means I win.”
Kiana’s hand wrapped around Hua’s wrist, and her paintbrush clattered to the ground. She raised a challenging eyebrow at Hua, whose only response was to make a grab for the brush Kiana was holding, until it, too, found its way to the floor.
Kiana smirked, pulling Hua close, until their bodies collided, and Hua could feel the paint smearing against her. “Are you sure?”
They didn’t know how it happened, whether it was a push from Kiana, or a pull from Hua, but, before they realized it, they were on the ground, tumbling hand over hand, and foot over foot, until Hua was squarely on top of Kiana, straddling her waist.
“I’d say I’m pretty sure.”
Kiana’s expression was so full of love, and adoration; it made Hua’s heart skip a beat. “With a view like this? I'm pretty sure I’m the one that won.”
Hua couldn’t help but smile, closing her eyes, and leaning down until her forehead met Kiana’s. “You can’t just say things like that.”
“Why not?” Kiana let her thumb trace circles against Hua’s thigh. “Am I not allowed to love my wife anymore?”
Hua pressed her lips to Kiana’s, then, slow, and loving. “I love you too.” She stood up, and pressed the lid back on top of the bucket of paint. “I am definitely not a fan of how paint feels, though, so I think I’m gonna go shower before we have to head out.”
“Mm, okay.” Kiana sat up, collecting the paint brushes that had been strewn about the room.
Hua let out a deep sigh. “I said I’m gonna go shower.”
“Yeah, okay. Have fun.”
“No, Kiana-”
“Oh!” Kiana immediately sprung to her feet. “Right. Yes.”
Hua couldn’t stop herself from laughing, as she padded to their bedroom, looking for a change of clothes. Kiana followed her, of course, and, for as worried as she was, for as stressful as it could be even trying to get a baby, let alone raising one, Hua knew it was worth it. She was at peace, surrounded by people who loved her without reservation, and, really, she couldn’t ask for more than that.
And she would do everything she could to make sure their children would get to experience that same love, too.