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"its cold today, but in a spring way, and i love you." - vladimir nabokov from letters to véra
There's always a way of feeling things. A rubric. Psychology if you will. You feel your hands get sweety and your stomach tightens so you think you're nervous. You think you're so nervous you feel your heart metaphorically drop inside your stomach until you think there's something wrong with you. Obviously.
Jihyun doesn't get nervous. Not like that. Never like that. And yet he feels bits and pieces here and there. He feels it when his heart stutters a bit inside his chest as he feels the warmth of Jaewon's body cloud his own space. Quickly. Like its a test. Jihyun doesn't know what the answer is but he hopes it ends with Jaewon curling up in his side. Or vice versa. Jihyun really, truly, 100% could not care less on the how. Just the when.
Jaewon doesn't do it. So Jihyun doesn't either.
Until he feels his naked thigh bump into warm jeans. He stares at it until he processes it enough to know he's not imagining things. Jaewon for all he is, he's also awfully coy. Jihyun feels himself hold back a snort. Yet the edges of a smile overtake his expression. Jaewon is coy. And mean. And nice. And caring. And awfully shy.
Jihyun hooks his own thigh above Jaewon's. Jihyun's shorts stretch. But its not uncomfortable. Jaewon's thigh twitches under his. Until he pauses and finally lays his hand gently on top of Jihyun's.
Jihyun feels his muscles tense. The hair on his legs tingle with surprise. Okay. Jihyun can do this. He's not nervous. He ignores the way his neck feels warms. So warm that he thinks he'll probably faint if he stands up too quickly. He wouldn't though. Not with Jaewon's hand on his thigh. Gripping lightly. Gently. Jihyun ignores the hum building inside his throat. Ignores the way his heart beats too quickly as he glances side ways at his infatuation. Future boyfriend. Same difference.
Its awfully annoying how cute Jihyun finds Jaewon. How quickly he's rendered speechless when the other actually tries to knock Jihyun off, in his advances with a push back. Its a little bit cruel too. Jaewon stays ignoring him to focus on his homework or whatever he's doing. Jihyun tuned out the moment Jaewon began rambling about the surf club's funding.
"You're staring." Jaewon's voice is deep. Since he hasn't spoken in a while. Its deep. Jihyun ignores how flustered it leaves him.
"I can't?" Jaewon hums, still ignoring Jihyun for his work. Jihyun continues to stare.
"You can." Jaewon smooths Jihyun's thigh. Before squeezing a bit and resting it again. "If its you, of course you can." Jaewon whispers. Edge of his lips twisting into a playful grin like what he said is something he's so proud of. Jihyun wants to kiss him so bad.
Playfulness is what they are. Is what they strive on. Two can play that game. Regardless if Jihyun is always holding back. Its never because he wants to. Its just,
"Yeah?" Jihyun scoots closer. Turning fully towards Jaewon on the couch. Its almost like he's sitting on his lap. If he pulled his other thigh up he would be. So he does. Hooking them both over Jaewon's lap before scooting a bit forward until he feels comfortable.
Jaewon's body is warm too. Jihyun feels the soft exhale leaving Jaewon's mouth on his neck. It tickles.
"You're like a pet." Jaewon groans. As if he's annoyed. He's not. Obviously. Jihyun's a feast. A treasure. The sun of his life probably. Jihyun knows it.
Jihyun smiles. Huffing out and curling into the side of Jaewon's neck. Hesitating only slightly as Jaewon's breath hitches in his throat before finally giving in. "Kinky." Jihyun whispers. His breath hitting Jaewon's neck in feather like touches. Jihyun watches the way some of the hairs there tingle because of it. His smile deepens.
"I'll bite you if you don't shut up." Jihyun opens his mouth ready to tease but Jaewon's arm twists until he's hugging Jihyun closer. Hand laying on Jihyun's waist. Oh. Jihyun's the little spoon. He ignores the way it leaves him breathless. He especially ignores the way his hands tingle. He's not nervous. He just,
I really like you. Jihyun curls into Jaewon. Tucked into his side. Repeating the same phrase over and over inside his head. As if he repeats it enough Jaewon will be able to understand.