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'... There's a road left behind me that I'd rather not speak of, and a hard one ahead of me too. I love you, whatever you do. But I got a life to live too,' the last mournful notes faded from the car radio before the announcer mentioned that Brandi Carlile always managed to make goosebumps crawl down his arms before handing off to his colleague, who moved on to the weather report.
"Is everyone okay?" Emma however gasped in between, and turned off the radio before I could hear if it would stay this cold for the next few days.
There was a rustle in the back seat behind me as Zelena leaned in between the front seats. "I am. Where did that damn boar come from?"
"That was a sow," Emma answered her only half concentrated.
Zelena snorted. "I don't give a damn if that stupid critter was male or female! What was it doing in front of the car?"
"Stop it!" Emma hissed sharply, and I felt her turn to me and Zelena do the same. "Regina, are you all right?"
I felt the two pairs of eyes on me, as if by their intense gazes they could force that I was fine as well. "I..." A dry cough prevented me from answering, and as I ran trembling fingers through my hair, from which a few shards of glass trickled, they were subsequently covered in blood.
"Oh my god, Regina. Don't move!" Emma leaned over me, and as I saw her eyes widen in panic and heard her draw air sharply through her teeth, I wished for nothing more than for her to just talk to me and tell me what was going on. "Zelena, does your door open? Can you get up?"
I heard the click of the seatbelt and the door opening behind me before a rush of cold air hit me and made me shiver. Involuntarily, my teeth began to chatter, which only worsened when Zelena stepped up next to me at the passenger door and got it open after some tugging and kicking against the bent frame.
"Regina!" I noticed that her voice seemed to have snapped up a few octaves as she pressed her hands in front of her mouth.
"I'm fine," I heard myself mumble. The fact that I was obviously bleeding from the head didn't mean they had to make such a fuss. I could also see a thin trickle of blood seeping down Emma's temple, but no one seemed to care.
Again, Emma rattled her door, but it remained unyielding. "We need to get her out of there, Zelena. I'll try to climb to the back. My door is stuck and there's no way I can climb over her." Emma groaned and I could hear her pushing the seat back. She was probably as wedged between the backrest and the airbag as I was, except that she was further impeded by the steering wheel. "Damn," she gasped, and I could hear the pain coming from her voice.
"What's wrong?", Zelena wanted to know.
"My arm," Emma moaned, dropping back into the seat next to me. "I think my shoulder is dislocated."
"Emma...," I whimpered, shocked about myself at how whiny I sounded.
"I'm here," she whispered immediately, leaning over me. Her green eyes swam with tears as she studied my face and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. "We'll get you out, don't be afraid."
"We'll get her out? How?" Zelena asked at that moment, completely distraught. "Have you seen her legs?"
My legs? What was wrong with my legs?
Emma sighed next to me, as if Zelena had revealed a secret I wasn't supposed to know about, and reached for my hand. "Yes, I did. Zelena, you call an ambulance right now and check yourself for injuries, understand?"
I heard Zelena's footsteps moving away. Still chattering my teeth, I lightly squeezed Emma's fingers before lowering my gaze. There was the airbag, and below it, the glove compartment - much closer than it should be - and next to it... "Oh God!"
"Regina, please stay calm. Hey, look at me! Don't look down, look at me!" Emma demanded beside me, gently putting a hand to my chin to turn my head toward her. "You're trapped, that's all. Zelena and I are with you and soon the ambulance will come."
"But all that blood," I gasped, feeling my heart start to race.
Emma was silent, which I didn't think was a good sign. She was the survivor of the two of us. If it were up to her, we'd spend every vacation camping in the woods instead of renting hotels. She had taken survival classes and knew how to behave in bear attacks. If Emma didn't know something to say in a situation like that, we were really in trouble. Or in this case, I guess I was. Moaning in pain, she pushed herself between the seats again and spread the blanket that had been on the back seat over me. "Can you feel your legs, Regina?"
"I don't know." I hadn't focused on it until now, and hadn't considered at all that it might be different. Cautiously, I moved my feet tentatively and cried out.
"Okay, okay. That's good. Pain is good," Emma hurried to say, stroking my hair. "Where does it hurt?"
"Everything hurts," I replied in anguish, closing my eyes. While at first I had felt no pain at all, it was now all the worse since I had discovered what no one wanted to tell me: That my legs had been crushed by the interior of the car after the evasive action and subsequent impact with the tree, and were now trapped.
"I know," Emma said softly, who squeezed my hand firmly. "But where exactly? Just your legs, or does anything else hurt?"
Afraid of discovering more injuries, I didn't dare move anything even tentatively, and just barely shook my head.
"They're on their way, but there was a big crash on the highway, it might take a while," I heard Zelena's approaching voice before my sister reappeared in the open car door beside me. "How are you feeling?" she then quietly and anxiously wanted to know.
"Great," I whispered, straining to keep my face straight as I turned my head toward her. "Don't worry, they'll be here soon." My tongue felt incredibly heavy as I spoke the words, but to my relief, I found that the shivering had finally stopped.
"Hey, Regina! Don't fall asleep!" Emma yelled at that moment. It was just a muffled sound in my ears, but it brought me back to the reality I hadn't even realized was slowly slipping away. "We can't wait. She's losing too much blood too fast."
"But... What are you planning to do?" Zelena asked horrified, reaching for my other hand. I was touched by how great her fear for me was, even though our relationship had started out more than tense. Who would have thought that one day I would end up in a bar with her and my steady girlfriend, having a fun evening out? After all, it had started out fun.
"I can see her left leg, nothing's bleeding there. How does it look on your side?", Emma interrupted my thoughts.
To see better, Zelena pressed lightly against my thigh, making me cry out in pain. "It's... Emma, I can't do this!" Zelena replied distraught.
"Is she visibly bleeding over there, yes or no?"
"Yes, damn it! She... there's blood all over the place!" she screamed in panic.
Emma took a deep breath and clung to my fingers. "Okay... Can you... can you see where it's bleeding from?"
Again I felt Zelena's trembling fingers on my leg, but this time bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming again. "Um, on top. Above the knee. At least I think so."
"Zelena," I whispered, mustering just enough strength to lift my hand and place it on her shoulder. "You're a great sister. I don't know if I've ever said that to you so directly."
"Hey, no. Stop saying goodbye!", Emma abruptly interrupted me. "You're not going to die. Zelena, the blood... is it oozing out, or pulsing?"
"What do you mean?"
Emma groaned in frustration. I knew for a fact that it must make her furious inside that she herself could only passively give instructions. "Does it dribble along like a lightly running faucet, or does it spurt out more at regular intervals?"
"The second, I think."
I could tell immediately from Emma's cursing that she would have preferred the other alternative. "Then it's an artery that's bleeding. Until they get here..." She didn't have to finish the sentence; I knew what she had wanted to say.
"It's okay," I whispered, closing my eyes. I was tired, so tired. And the cold came back, too, making my body shiver. They should just let me sleep.
Emma's fingers gently touched my cheek, and I didn't have to look at her to know she was studying my features, feverishly thinking about what to do. "You need to tie off that leg."
"Me?!" Zelena asked in horror. I felt sorry for what I was putting her through.
"Who else?" Emma retorted, but panic slowly crept into her voice as well. I wasn't sure I could hold on if Emma panicked. She was my tower of strength and without the calm she exuded, things would only get worse. I heard her gasp next to me as she moved and a clatter and clank shortly after. "Here, take my belt and tighten it around her leg a little above the bleeding."
"I can't do it, Emma." Zelena was crying now, and I couldn't blame her. If I hadn't been too exhausted to cry, I would have as well.
"Do you want her to bleed to death?" Emma growled at her.
Zelena only cried harder in response, and blindly I felt for her shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.
"If you tie it off," I began slowly, but had to interrupt because talking was even more exhausting than staying awake alone, "I'll lose the leg."
"And if we don't, you'll lose your life," Emma countered, and as she leaned closer to me, I could smell her perfume. "Look at me, Regina."
Opening my eyes took all the energy I could muster, but when I saw Emma's green eyes and wry smile, it made up for it many times over.
"I love you and I won't let you die, do you understand?" Her eyes turned sad, but I was glad to see that her head wound had stopped bleeding. "Zelena, do it now! As tightly as you can!"
I groaned again in agony as Zelena lifted my leg and Emma helped her slide the belt underneath. But nothing could have prepared me for the blinding pain that set my teeth on edge as Zelena tightened the belt. I hadn't even known until then that I was capable of making such an animalistic sound. Emma's fingers squeezed mine and I was sure I was crushing her hand, but there was nothing but pain for a moment before the relieving blackness welcomed me.
Looking around, I found myself in the center of a spacious hall lined with stone columns. On two opposite sides I could make out windows, but their frosted glass made any view outside impossible. Directly in front of me was a throne of sorts that seemed to be made of the same material as the columns, but was riddled with countless cracks. When I finally glanced over my shoulder, I recognized a huge mirror that almost took up the entire wall. Everything seemed surreal, bathed in a soft, bright glow. Actually, the lack of a door in the room should have scared me, but for some reason it didn't.
I turned around and climbed a short landing of only three steps to get closer to the mirror, which had an incredible attraction to me. At first, I saw only my reflection in it, even though I couldn't remember ever owning a white shirt and matching white linen pants.
However, when I looked long enough, the scene changed and suddenly I saw my Mercedes with its dented hood slightly open. Next to the open passenger door, my sister was kneeling, both hands in front of her face, slowly rocking back and forth as if to reassure herself.
As if by magic, the perspective changed and I could see Emma squeezing through between the front seats with clenched teeth. Her left arm just hung uselessly and the dried blood on her red leather jacket showed up as black stains.
And then I saw me. What was left of me. I looked at my dying body. Or was I already dead? Was this heaven? If so, it was not particularly original. But strangely enough, I felt neither fear nor panic as I looked myself in the face. My head was rolled to the side, revealing a gaping wound behind my right ear and several cuts on my face. Shards of glass were still hanging in my hair. Zelena, however, had apparently succeeded in stopping the profuse bleeding from my leg.
Emma had finally made it out of the wrecked car and somewhat rudely pushed Zelena aside so she could reach me and pressed her fingers gropingly against my neck. "She's breathing and her pulse is weak but regular." Relief spread across her face before she turned to my sister and hugged her with her good arm. "You were great," she said honestly.
"I don't feel great, though. Is she right, Emma? Is it my fault if she loses her leg?" the redhead wanted to know. Her face was pale as a sheet as she eyed Emma expectantly.
Emma sighed and settled on the ground, leaning her head against the side of the car. "Her leg is not vital to her survival," she countered, completely rational.
"But it is her leg!" Zelena returned, completely agitated.
Nodding, Emma looked up at her. "I'd rather keep her with only one leg than bury her with two," she almost whispered. "And if anyone's to blame, it's probably me. I hit that darn tree."
"Why are you watching this?"
I winced and slowly turned my head to the side in disbelief. "That can't be," I whispered barely audible, letting my gaze slide over him; his nut-colored hair, the blue eyes, the soft smile. "Daniel?"
He nodded and stepped closer to me, but without touching me. "What are you doing here, Regina?"
"I don't know. I thought maybe I was dead, but Emma just said I was breathing," I explained, more confused than ever. "Is this a dream?"
Daniel shrugged and looked at the mirror where Emma had her arm around Zelena, who in turn was holding my hand. "Is that what you think?"
"I believe you're dead and I'm not, so there's no way I'm even talking to you."
"And yet you do." A smirk lit up his face.
I sighed and turned away from the tragic scene and toward him. "It's so good to see you. I've missed you," I admitted, feeling tears well up in my eyes.
"I've missed you, too. But I'm glad your heart didn't die with me and was able to fall in love with someone else again," he answered me softly.
"But I guess that's over now too," I nodded absently.
Questioningly, he looked at me.
"I'm dying, aren't I? They won't make it in time," I stated as matter-of-factly as if it wasn't my heart that was desperately trying to pump what little blood was left through my organism, growing weaker with each beat, but as if it belonged to someone else.
"That's up to you," he countered, eyeing me closely.
"To me? I don't know what I could do about that," I said resignedly.
"Do you want to live or do you want to die?" Daniel asked, looking me urgently in the eyes.
I remained silent. It scared myself that I couldn't give him a clear answer right away. "I'm going to lose my leg, aren't I?"
"I don't know that, Regina. This," he made a sweeping motion with his arm that included the entire room, "springs from your subconscious. No one can tell you in advance what's going to happen."
Sighing, I settled down on the steps and pulled my knees to my torso. "It doesn't hurt here. And you're here. Why would I go back to a life of pain instead?"
"This isn't real, Regina. Your brain is making up this room to make you feel comfortable. I can't tell you what death would look like or if I'd still be able to stay with you," he explained, settling down next to me. "And what about Emma? You love her, don't you? And Zelena...your sister needs you as much as you need her. And you have Henry, your son. Are you going to throw all that away for an uncertain existence in eternity?"
"I don't know," I repeated, running my fingers through my hair jittery.
"You have to decide."
"I need more time."
Tilting his head, he looked at me. "You won't be able to decide forever. At some point it's going to be too late. Regina, do you want to live or die?"
"I don't want to live a life of pain. I don't know how much more of it I can take," I countered, and suddenly Daniel's loss burned like a blazing fire in my chest. "I don't want to lose you again," I choked out.
Daniel's gaze turned gentle. "You won't, because I'm not here at all, and neither are you. But you've carried me in your heart for most of your life, and that's not going to change."
I swallowed and shook my head as tears ran down my cheeks.
"I've been dead for almost 40 years, Regina. But you're not, and I'm sure your family doesn't want to have to go through what you once went through," he continued. "You have the choice that I wasn't given."
Doubting, I lifted my head and looked at him. "You think I should go back?"
"That decision is yours alone."
"I'm scared," I sighed before my fingers trailed to my lips as a warm feeling began to spread through them. I didn't even have to turn to the mirror to know that Emma had kissed me.
"You're running out of time, Regina. Make up your mind: living or dying?"
I stared at him and he returned my gaze full of love, but it was his encouraging, barely visible nod that finally broke me out of my fearful stupor. I turned my head back to the mirror, and looked directly into Emma's and Zelena's panicked faces. Zelena had her arms around Emma, while Emma had her good one around Zelena's waist. "I can't just leave them like this. I want to live!", I almost shouted out. My eyes veiled by tears, I looked at Daniel. "Thank you for everything. Farewell," I whispered, and with a smile he tilted his head slightly.
A glaring light blinded me and I raised an arm in front of my eyes to shield them from the unbearable brightness before deep darkness enveloped me once again.
Nothing resembled the shimmering room as I opened my eyes with a groan and let my gaze wander around the dimmed room in search of help. I was lying in a bed, surrounded by equipment with flashing lights, their wires and tubes connected to my body. Groaning, I turned my head to the side and found Zelena to my left. Her upper body had slumped forward on my bed and someone had spread a blanket over her back. I tried to draw attention to myself, but only managed a dry cough that sent pain through my entire body. A slight rustling to my right made me turn my head to the other side, whereupon I met Emma's tired gaze from red-rimmed eyes.
"Regina," she whispered. My name had probably never been spoken with such relief before. Gently, she closed her fingers around my hand and squeezed it carefully. "It's going to be okay, you're in the hospital. You're going to be okay." Tears of joy ran down her cheeks as she stood up and leaned over me to press a kiss to my forehead.
"Your... arm," I mumbled, staring at the bandage in which it was immobilized.
"Don't worry about it," she replied, stroking the tears from my cheeks that I hadn't realized I'd shed.
Shortly thereafter, Zelena also stirred. Her relieved sob could not prepare me for the fact that she would wrap her arms around my neck and press me against her. "You woke up!" The sudden movement hurt me, but it also felt good at the same time how tightly she hugged me.
I twisted my lips into a forced smirk. "Did you think you'd... just get rid of me like that?", I asked haltingly, as speaking continued to strain me immensely.
"Just shut up," she ordered, grabbing my hand and forearm in a vice-like grip, as if she might lose me again if she didn't.
"What about..." I took a deep breath and had to pause for a moment before continuing. "... about my legs?"
"Are you in pain?", Emma wanted to know instead of an answer.
I shook my head slightly. The uncomfortable aching was just fine to bear as long as I didn't try to move, and so far I'd been too scared to look down at myself, expecting the worst. "Did they take it...off?" I felt myself getting sick and my fear of the answer grew immeasurably.
To my amazement, Emma shook her head and gave my hand an encouraging squeeze. "No, they didn't."
I could hardly believe it, but at this statement I finally turned my eyes toward the foot of the bed, where I discovered a device of bars from which hung a weight connected to several ropes that led under my sheets. Weakly, I pushed the latter aside a little, but since I could not straighten up, I merely exposed a little more of my upper body.
However, Zelena seemed to notice what I was up to and carefully removed the bedspread from my legs. Or rather from what was left of my legs.
My mouth went dry as I looked wordlessly from my left leg, which was plastered up to above the thigh, to my right. It was not encased in such a mighty cast; only around my thigh had someone wrapped a bandage. But instead, it was on a splint, and to my horror I found that there were screws near my knee joint, penetrating my skin and connected to the sinister-looking frame I had first discovered. "You said...", I began shakily, but broke off as panic choked my throat.
"Hey, there now," Emma whispered, whose face was immediately next to mine, trying to calm me down while Zelena spread the blanket over me again. "This looks worse than it is. Your left leg will heal in the cast and they were able to restore blood flow to the right in surgery." She paused, probably sensing me still staring in horror at the frame. "Regina, look at me," she then requested.
Reluctantly, I turned my head toward her, my eyes full of tears.
"Breathe. That's it," she said softly, and I imitated the slow, steady breaths she mimicked for me. "What they're treating your leg with is called extension. The traction with the weights keeps your leg extended and the bone fragments where they belong. It's just a temporary intervention until you recover from the first surgery. The doctor said you still have some procedures ahead of you and need intensive physical therapy, but after that you should be able to walk normally."
It took my brain much longer than usual to process all of this, so I closed my eyes strained.
"I'm sorry," Emma then said softly, holding my hand again. "I was driving, I..."
"It's not your fault," I countered immediately, forcing myself to look at her again. "It was an accident, and I wouldn't have survived it without the two of you." My mind slid back to the crazy dream I had been living through while unconscious. Or had it not been a dream at all? "I'm alive and that's the main point. Thank you for being there." Quite automatically, my free hand sought my sister's so that I could squeeze it tightly as well. "I love you both."
Zelena returned the squeeze of my hand and eyed me with her bright blue eyes before lifting her gaze and smiling at Emma.
Daniel had been right. My family was worth returning to, and even though I had a long road ahead of me, I could be sure I wouldn't have to walk it alone.