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Han Yujin doesn’t know what woke him up from his slumber. The room is still pitch black and the first rays of sunshine haven’t yet streamed past the closed curtains. It’s most likely somewhere in the early hours of the day, which meant his body clock would make sure he was still asleep.
He frowns, the hinges of his eyelids creaking every time he blinked. He folds his hands on top of his stomach and stares at the ceiling until his ears catch onto a quiet, hushed whisper.
Yujin snaps his head towards Zhang Hao’s bed that’s sitting at the other end of the room. While they were pretty close together, they were far enough that Yujin couldn’t make out the features of his face in the dark.
All he could see were figures.
Like, plural. Figures.
Yujin immediately seizes up when he notices a body hovering over his hyung’s bed. His mind darts quickly from Worst Case Scenario #1 to Worst Case Scenario #2 to #3.
A robber? Sasaeng that managed to break in? Someone sleazy trying to take advantage of his hyung?
He opens up his mouth, wanting to shout to scare off the intruder when another hushed whisper makes his muscles freeze yet again.
“Hao,” the voice goes and Yujin recognises it. Hanbin hyung? His body is still tense. The revelation doesn’t make him any less confused.
“Go back to your room,” Zhang Hao says, his voice hoarse, most likely from fatigue. He says this but his arm loops around Hanbin’s waist, effectively trapping him there with a hug.
Yujin wants to speak up, to ask them ‘what’s going on?’ but something tells him to sit still and zip up.
“I don’t want to,” Hanbin says almost petulantly. Yujin’s jaw would have dropped if he weren’t trying to be so still. “I’m cold.”
“Stop lying,” Hao says in return, although he does start shifting the blankets so that he can cover the lower half of Hanbin’s body. Hanbin laughs at the contrast in his words and actions before he’s leaning down and nuzzling Zhang Hao’s head.
“You smell so nice,” Hanbin says, a quiet awed whisper that has Yujin feeling like he shouldn’t be hearing all of this.
It clicked then for him that this was an intimate moment for them, something that they probably didn’t want the public to see. Yujin plays with the bed sheets anxiously, not sure if he should continue to pretend to be sleeping or if he should make a noise.
Zhang Hao doesn’t reply to Hanbin’s compliment but he doesn’t lean up to press a chaste kiss to Hanbin’s lips. Yujin’s breath hitches at the action.
There’s always been cryptic comments about Zhang Hao and Hanbin’s relationship and teasing thrown out by the other members but Yujin never knew…
Hanbin giggles, a tiny sound that seems to take up the space of the entire room.
Oh.
Hanbin leans down, propping himself up only by his forearms and presses a longer kiss to Zhang Hao’s lips. One of his arms seems to disappear underneath the blankets before Hao is practically pushing Hanbin off of his body.
“Yujin is sleeping,” Zhang Hao whispers. Yujin holds his breath at the mention of his name. He should probably do something now to signal that he was stirring from slumber.
He shifts in his bed, the rustling of his bed sheets breaking the peaceful wavelength in the room. He turns over in his bed and faces the wall instead of Zhang Hao’s bed.
He clutches at his blankets.
“You’re going to wake him,” Zhang Hao says, sounding reprimanding but still soft. Yujin has been at the receiving end of that tone before but he’s never perceived it to be quite as tender.
“I won’t,” Hanbin says and Yujin nearly lets a startled laugh out of his clogged throat at how ironic his confident statement is. “And you won’t either if you keep quiet.”
There’s the sound of a thump before Hanbin laughs again.
“Okay, I’ll go back to my room now.” Hanbin says, a smile in his voice; Yujin doesn’t have to look to know.
“Sleep early,” Zhang Hao warns.
“A bit too late for that now,” Hanbin says before there’s the sound of sheets rustling and feet against the wooden flooring of their apartment. “Goodnight, hyung.”
“Night,” Zhang Hao says in return. Yujin hears the distinct sound of a kiss before there are footsteps echoing through the room.
He lets out a breath of relief before inhaling sharply when he feels a hand in his hair.
He stays very, very still.
“Goodnight, Yujinie.” Hanbin seems to whisper. Yujin hopes that his abnormal breathing goes unnoticed by Hanbin, who’s apparently standing beside him now.
He doesn’t dare to move even the tips of his fingers until Hanbin walks away and the weak shadow cast over him disappears. The door opens and shuts.
Han Yujin counts to three.
When he breaches past the third second, his entire body goes lax and he exhales for the first time in what feels like hours. His heart is pounding in his chest and the images in his head are whirling. He prays Zhang Hao cannot hear his loud thoughts from across the room.
Thinking back, he might have brought this upon himself. He remembers when they were picking rooms to stay in. He remembers the way Hanbin had looked at Zhang Hao hopefully before Yujin tugged on Zhang Hao’s arm and asked if they could room together. He remembers Zhang Hao’s reassuring smile and affirmation; He remembers the apologetic smile Hao sent Hanbin’s way.
He remembers, then he regrets.
All he wanted back then was to room with a hyung he felt comfortable with. He hadn’t realised that he was getting in the way of both Hao and Hanbin.
He turns over, pressing his lips together in a quiet sort of guilt.
“Yujin-ah, are you awake?” Zhang Hao asks. Yujin is startled into freezing again, like a deer caught in headlights. His muscles have gone sore from how rigid he’s been all night.
Yujin wants to stay silent and pretend to be asleep but he also knows how observant Zhang Hao is, how much he knows about Yujin and his habits.
(After all, Yujin wasn’t snoring and that itself should’ve been a dead giveaway that he was wide awake.)
“Um,” Yujin starts, his voice coming out more high-pitched than he intended for it to be. He clears his throat pathetically before pulling up his blanket to his chin to give himself a shield of comfort. “Yes.”
Zhang Hao stays silent after his response, which leaves anxious electricity zipping through Yujin’s veins.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” Zhang Hao says quietly. The words bounce off the walls and echo in Yujin’s head.
“It’s okay, hyung.” Yujin says even though his heart was basically stuck in his throat the entire exchange. He didn’t really mind what they were both doing but it wasn’t what he expected. “Are you guys…?”
He doesn’t really know the word for it or if it was even appropriate to ask Hao if they were dating. He stares at the ceiling blankly with his blanket up to his chin.
“Dating? Yes,” Zhang Hao says. He sounds so certain about it, no shyness whatsoever that Yujin immediately just gets it.
“Oh,” Yujin says. He doesn’t quite know how to feel about it. It’s really none of his business. “Did I ruin your plans when I asked you to room with me?”
“No,” Zhang Hao replies firmly. He didn’t hesitate. Relief pours down Yujin’s body. He exhales and his muscles loosen (for good this time). “I’m thankful you rely on me and wanted me to room with you.”
Yujin lets a smile creep onto his face.
“I like rooming with you too, even if you’re a little messy.” Zhang Hao says but Yujin doesn’t feel any bitterness from the jab at the end.
“Okay, hyung.” Yujin says. “Should I keep it a secret?”
“That you’re messy?”
“What? No,” Yujin laughs. “You and Hanbin hyung.”
“Ah,” Hao says before the room fades into silence. “If it doesn’t trouble you, then…”
“I don’t mind keeping a secret,” Yujin says immediately. Hao laughs quietly, a sound that is more air than noise. “I’m good at those.”
“Okay, Yujin.” Zhang Hao says, clearly amused before silence overtakes the room.
“I’ll go back to sleep now,” Yujin says as he feels his eyelids getting droopy again. It’s like the lethargy crawled back into his veins after he realised there wasn’t anything to be scared about anymore.
“Sweet dreams, Yujinie.” Zhang Hao says. “And thank you.”
“‘t’s no problem,” Yujin slurs before his eyelids are falling shut.
-
Yujin watches as Hanbin serves Hao his breakfast; the way he maintains eye contact all while sliding the plate in front of Hao with the smallest of smiles on his face. Hao returns the sickly sweet smile with a thank you on his lips. Every moment between them seemed to be charged with fire — the subtle kind, that is.
They were slow movements and soft smiles, earth-toned flakes and muted coloured paper.
Yujin is glad it was dark last night.